Father Giancarlo Fontana
I saw her when she arrived for Sunday mass, with the baby in her arms as usual. I knew that she and Lukás were having difficulties, but, until that week, these had all seemed merely the sort of misunderstandings that all couples have, and since both of them were people who radiated goodness, I hoped that, sooner or later, they would resolve their differences.
It had been a whole year since she last visited the church in the morning to play her guitar and praise the Virgin. She devoted herself to looking after Viorel, whom I had the honour to baptise, although I must admit I know of no saint with that name. However, she still came to mass every Sunday, and we always talked afterwards, when everyone else had left. She said I was her only friend. Together we had shared in divine worship, now, though, it was her earthly problems she needed to share with me.
She loved Lukás more than any man she had ever met; he was her son’s father, the person she had chosen to spend her life with, someone who had given up everything and had courage enough to start a family. When the difficulties started, she tried to convince him that it was just a phase, that she had to devote herself to their son, but that she had no intention of turning Viorel into a spoiled brat. Soon she would let him face certain of life’s challenges alone. After that, she would go back to being the wife and woman he’d known when they first met, possibly with even more intensity, because now she had a better understanding of the duties and responsibilities that came with the choice she’d made. Lukás still felt rejected; she tried desperately to divide herself between her husband and her child, but she was always obliged to choose, and when that happened, she never hesitated: she chose Viorel.
Drawing on my scant knowledge of psychology, I said that this wasn’t the first time I’d heard such a story, and that in such situations men do tend to feel rejected, but that it soon passes. I’d heard about similar problems in conversations with my other parishioners. During one of our talks, Athena acknowledged that she had perhaps been rather precipitate; the romance of being a young mother had blinded her to the real challenges that arise after the birth of a child. But it was too late now for regrets.
She asked if I could talk to Lukás, who never came to church, perhaps because he didn’t believe in God or perhaps because he preferred to spend his Sunday mornings with his son. I agreed to do so, as long as he came of his own accord. Just when Athena was about to ask him this favour, the major crisis occurred, and he left her and Viorel.
I advised her to be patient, but she was deeply hurt. She’d been abandoned once in childhood, and all the hatred she felt for her birth mother was automatically transferred to Lukás, although later, I understand, they became good friends again. For Athena, breaking family ties was possibly the gravest sin anyone could commit.
She continued attending church on Sundays, but always went straight back home afterwards. She had no one now with whom to leave her son, who cried lustily throughout mass, disturbing everyone else’s concentration. On one of the rare occasions when we could speak, she said that she was working for a bank, had rented an apartment, and that I needn’t worry about her. Viorel’s father (she never mentioned her husband’s name now) was fulfilling his financial obligations.
Then came that fateful Sunday.
I learned what had happened during the week – one of the parishioners told me. I spent several nights praying for an angel to bring me inspiration and tell me whether I should keep my commitment to the Church or to flesh-and-blood men and women. When no angel appeared, I contacted my superior, and he said that the only reason the Church has survived is because it’s always been rigid about dogma, and if it started making exceptions, we’d be back in the Middle Ages. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I thought of phoning Athena, but she hadn’t given me her new number.
That morning, my hands were trembling as I lifted up the host and blessed the bread. I spoke the words that had come down to me through a thousand-year-old tradition, using the power passed on from generation to generation by the apostles. But then my thoughts turned to that young woman with her child in her arms, a kind of Virgin Mary, the miracle of motherhood and love made manifest in abandonment and solitude, and who had just joined the line as she always did, and was slowly approaching in order to take communion.
I think most of the congregation knew what was happening. And they were all watching me, waiting for my reaction. I saw myself surrounded by the just, by sinners, by Pharisees, by members of the Sanhedrin, by apostles and disciples and people with good intentions and bad.
Athena stood before me and repeated the usual gesture: she closed her eyes and opened her mouth to receive the Body of Christ.
The Body of Christ remained in my hands.
She opened her eyes, unable to understand what was going on.
‘We’ll talk later,’ I whispered.
But she didn’t move.
‘There are people behind you in the queue. We’ll talk later.’
‘What’s going on?’ she asked, and everyone in the line could hear her question.
‘We’ll talk later.’
‘Why won’t you give me communion? Can’t you see you’re humiliating me in front of everyone? Haven’t I been through enough already?’
‘Athena, the Church forbids divorced people from receiving the sacrament. You signed your divorce papers this week. We’ll talk later,’ I said again.
When she still didn’t move, I beckoned to the person behind her to come forward. I continued giving communion until the last parishioner had received it. And it was then, just before I turned to the altar, that I heard that voice.
It was no longer the voice of the girl who sang her worship of the Virgin Mary, who talked about her plans, who was so moved when she shared with me what she’d learned about the lives of the saints, and who almost wept when she spoke to me about her marital problems. It was the voice of a wounded, humiliated animal, its heart full of loathing.
‘A curse on this place!’ said the voice. ‘A curse on all those who never listened to the words of Christ and who have transformed his message into a stone building. For Christ said: “Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Well, I’m heavy laden, and they won’t let me come to Him. Today I’ve learned that the Church has changed those words to read: “Come unto me all ye who follow our rules, and let the heavy laden go hang!”’
I heard one of the women in the front row of pews telling her to be quiet. But I wanted to hear. I needed to hear. I turned to her, my head bowed – it was all I could do.
‘I swear that I will never set foot in a church ever again. Once more, I’ve been abandoned by a family, and this time it has nothing to do with financial difficulties or with the immaturity of those who marry too young. A curse upon all those who slam the door in the face of a mother and her child! You’re just like those people who refused to take in the Holy Family, like those who denied Christ when he most needed a friend!’
With that, she turned and left in tears, her baby in her arms. I finished the service, gave the final blessing and went straight to the sacristy – that Sunday, there would be no mingling with the faithful, no pointless conversations. That Sunday, I was faced by a philosophical dilemma: I had chosen to respect the institution rather than the words on which that institution was based.
I’m getting old now, and God could take me at any moment. I’ve remained faithful to my religion and I believe that, for all its errors, it really is trying to put things right. This will take decades, possibly centuries, but one day, all that will matter is love and Christ’s words: ‘Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ I’ve devoted my entire life to the priesthood and I don’t regret my decision for one second. However, there are times, like that Sunday, when, although I didn’t doubt my faith, I did doubt men.
I know now what happened to Athena, and I wonder: Did it all start there, or was it already in her soul? I think of the many Athenas and Lukáses in the world who are divorced and because of that can no longer receive the sacrament of the Eucharist; all they can do is contemplate the suffering, crucified Christ and listen to His words, words that are not always in accord with the laws of the Vatican. In a few cases, these people leave the church, but the majority continue coming to mass on Sundays, because that’s what they’re used to, even though they know that the miracle of the transmutation of the bread and the wine into the flesh and the blood of the Lord is forbidden to them.
I like to imagine that, when she left the church, Athena met Jesus. Weeping and confused, she would have thrown herself into his arms, asking him to explain why she was being excluded just because of a piece of paper she’d signed, something of no importance on the spiritual plane, and which was of interest only to registry offices and the tax man.
And looking at Athena, Jesus might have replied:
‘My child, I’ve been excluded too. It’s a very long time since they’ve allowed me in there.’
Next chapter will be on-line on: 09.04.07
Any message about any chapter can be left in the “readers’ corner” post.
Really spell bounding. Kudos Mr, Paulo Coehlo. This is today’s predicament of any established forum. Leaving the ’spirit’ we are holding to the norms. Obviously God has to be outside somewhere to rediscover on our own.
Hi! Chieko.
I don´t know if you are Chieko who I see in St Joseph Party.
I like to know.
Asha you are very spiritually.
Kises for oll people.
Hi Aditya
It is interesting. Recently, a few closest people spoke of pain, challenge and maybe a test to me including Aditya. It could be a sign. I had many tests before, I think, and I have already have this prolonged test. So I am not sure if I can take another…I do not like pain. Anyway, thanks for your comment.
Hi ! chieko
“only his love can transform me” u r more wrong than right ( let me hastily add, in my ‘childish’( or however one wnats to classify it) opinion ).
If u seek transformation, then it’s not His love for you that will transform you, it’s your love for Him that will transform you, provided u realy want that ‘transformation’.
He loves all his children completely, equally and individually, but he won’t force us, that is the deal. His love is available, question is r u willing to take the pain ( sweet pain if u prefer )of transformation !
cheers
aditya
PS : I don’t see any need for you to transform, u r pretty cool as u r, why bother with this ‘transformation’ stuff.
Father Giancalro must have gone through hard time then. He must have been very disappointed for not receiving any answer from angel. He could have doubted about his righteousness or simply his Fatherhood (I am not sure if this is the right word). I have prayed many times too about many issues. I became sad when no angel helped me when I really needed. I wonder if there really is an angel for me? If so, it must be a lazy one? Or I am just being spiritually blind? I really hope Jesus is so powerful that he could give me the way even when I am spiritually blind. I really hope Jesus is so merciful that he could save those who fail. I do not want a bitter life. And I do not want anybody to have that either. I hope Jesus opens up my spiritual eyes. I hope Jesus still loves me and gives me his love to win because only his love can transform me.
Thank you Paulo – this chapter has reminded me why I don’t belong to any religion – who wants to follow man made rules when I can talk to the ultimate being in my own garden.
I do like how you are putting this book together.
I cannot wait to read your new book Paulo. As per you Inspire me and I am so glad that I got the chance to meet you when you were in Dubai in 2005. Your work is beautiful.Unfortunately I have to fly to Scotland on Monday morning and wont get the chance to experience meeting you again.
Thanks Paulo for your continued friendship and care to all your readers.
At this moment this chapter could very well be my story, my father’s story,for this reason my faith is unshakable, no institution can take away from my spirit what was there before time. Thankyou Paulo for your gift of the written word and the reminder of our own fortitude with our personal journey, faith or otherwise. Grazia Dio per la vostra luce’. ‘Buona Pasqua’
I very much love the idea coz i feel the same for church i am not christian and i will never baptize myself to be one coz i don’t see the point in there.I went to many churches to find peace in my heart but in the end all i realized was that people seek to increase the number of members and they give damn care about anything about why people go there.I was hurt many times.Once i was questioned by my fellow christian friend why i was there to get the piece of bread the priest was distributintg and she threw the same question at my friend who was buddhist chinese.I was deeply hurt the way she claimed the church to be only hers.I told her how can you say that Jesus is not inside him and me.What gives you right to say those things.I haven’t stepped inside any church ever since i can talk to God directly,To tell you the truth he doesn’t care if i go or not it’s just man made ritual.Yesterday i had a wonderful dream.I was hanging down the edges of a roof of a house trying hard not to fall.I was concentrating so hard not to fall down coz my friends were down waiting for me to fall but i did not.When i finished my task i was so tired with the heavy task.I was thirsty,and i asked someone to give me a drink,it looked like a red wine and i was thirsty and tired after working so hard,but when i drank it was blood.I screamed,it is blood whose blood am i drinking? i screamed with horror.it was yesterday holy friday.I don’t know any ritual ceremony or dates about christianity coz i don’t feel it is necessary.But later God told me it was Jesus’s blood.He was happy with me so he forgave my sins letting me drink his blood.So here i am who doesn’t know anything about christianity like fellow christian,who alawsy fight for the truth and chanllenegs people to fear for God only not HUman who are in high authority.I will never forget what God father told me,today the whole world is praying to have his blood to forgive their sins and you don’t even know it’s meaning you never asked for those things and jesus is pleased with you to give you his own blood.Must i say that was the best dream ever.
I need to say that possibly Athena’s husband was in love with her for a short time. In that time he took away from her the things that she loved the most. Now she can’t turn back time.I would like to read her point of view
Another masterpiece..Beautifully written!
It went on the shelves at Waterstone’s in the UK today! 06Apr07
I can only wish, I had a chance to get my book signed and
meet the spiritual person that you are!
Thank you for your wonderful reads..
Semua buku buku anda benar-benar indah……….
Salam dari Indonesia
beautiful, heartbreaking !!
thanks Paulo
Dear Paulo,
I don’t think I can wait until 9-4-07 to hear more about Athena. When is the book comming to the USA?
Love,
Ione
I sit here reading this particular chapter on Holy Thursday and as I read it, my most prominent though is “How timely this discussion is!” It really is a sad thing that faith, religion and the traditions that bolster them are diluted by the “institution” and people’s readiness to deify ‘men of the cloth.’
This is a bold piece of work. Kudos to Coelho for remaining true to himself, dedicated to his craft, fully cognizant of his purpose and sharing his gift. The narrative is thoroughly captivating and is intrinsic to the revalation of Athena’s character. It is as if each of the characters giving an account holds a singular thread of the intricately woven fabric that is Athena herself. Its an excellent technique for reeling the reader in (and incidentally, so is this idea of releasing chapters on-line before the world-wide release.)
Like almost all of the other bloggers, I am very much a Paulo Coelho fan. I have been living in Dubai for a year and, in a serendipitous moment (could it really have been any other way?), I found out that the man himself will be doing a book signing here on Easter Monday. I eagerly anticipate meeting ‘the archer’ at the event for however brief a moment, and to experiencing the remaining chapters of this, his latest novel.
The dilemma you wonderfully present as the spirit vs. the institution belongs not only to Catholicism, but it seems to almost all of the established -or rather institutionalized- religions. How funny that the “human” is in fact forgotten in the world of rules! And how funny that this all stems from a general resistance to change and adherence to the illusion of a false security!
Thank you Mr. Coelho for being a beautiful vehicle in transferring the Divine to other thirsty souls.. May the Universe bless you…
Jesus might have s m i l e d :
‘My child, I’ve been excluded too. It’s a very long time since they’ve allowed me in there.”
Jesus never bothered about the established churches of his time. The Church ( all kinds of ) though necessary, has not much to do with true religiousness. Had Zesus been in place of Athena, he may not have bothered with the present day churches and their ‘established practices’, if at all he would have ventured into one, just to have a look and had he be thrown out, he would have simply walked off, noticing divine beauty in ordinary things – the wild lily flowers appeard more majestic to him then King Solomon in all his grandeur ! perhaps this is where a witch and a god differs, while both are extreamly sensitive, witch is full of complaints, is that why she goes after more & more pleasure; while a god does not complain, even when he is being crucified, unjustly, and a complaint escapes his lips, he immediately corrects it to ‘thy will be done’.
regards & sorry folks if it’s ……
aditya
Dear Paulo,
I cannot tell you how long I have waited for your next book. The 16th is marked in my diary!
love,
christina
ps. I will one day write you a letter.
This chapter asks the same questions that have been in my heart. Most who worship Jesus do not follow him. I don’t believe he ever asked to be worshiped. He also challanged the church of the day. Our churches are ruled by pharisees who want to keep order and don’t know love. Thank you Paulo for opening discussion on such important matters.
My love to you,
Ione
This is a very interesting perspective on the Church. It makes people think and question authority.
Thank you for making us think about life.
Ana
thought provoking.. simply spell-binding..
beautiful.