By Paulo Coelho
My friends in myspace touch some subjects that are really important for us. In the previous post, one of them mention that love was not a priority, and many of you had a chance to manifest your vision of love ..:
(By the way, as myspace was mentioning “sorry an expected error…etc”. I posted three times the subject, then I had to delete two, and some comments were also deleted). The same thing happened with this one, so if you subscribe, please forget the previous and make the comment using this post.
This time, one of the friends mentioned that her child has Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD). It is funny because the first time that I heard about it was from Nancy, an American myspace friend who came to Paris to meet me. According to Nancy, you put a child in a room with several toys, and IF the child does not get lost, she does not have ADD.
I can guarantee you: I would be immediately diagnosed as a severe case, because being a child (and even as an adult) I pay attention to everything and nothing.
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From that conversation with Nancy on, the subject started popping up in several conversations, and I got this as a sign. I started reading on the subject, and besides some concrete medical cases (like brain injury, for example), I really don’t believe that this is something that should be taken into consideration. Allan Greespan, the former Fed Chairman, was a musician till very late in his life, before deciding to go in economics. I am a writer, but I can be totally distracted if someone starts talking about archery (one of my passions).
I am not a doctor, but I lived in times where we took life as it is. I found a quite interesting text on internet, saying that people who are now between 40 and 60 years could not technically survive if we take the parameters that we use today.
Cradles were painted in bright colors that are now considered “dubious” because they could contain lead or some other dangerous element.
I am part of a generation that built the famous ball-bearing carts (I do not know how to explain this to today’s generation – let’s say they were metal balls held between two iron arcs) and we would roll down the hilly streets of Botafogo using our shoes as brakes, falling, hurting ourselves, but ever so proud of our high-speed adventure.
There were no cellular phones, our parents had no way of knowing where we were: how could that be possible?
Children were never right, they were always being punished, but even so they did not have psychological problems of rejection or lack of love.
At school there were good students and bad students: the good ones passed, the bad ones had to repeat the year. This was not a reason for consulting a psychotherapist – they just had to repeat the year.
And even so we survived with some scratched knees and few traumas. Not only did we survive, but we also fondly remember the time when milk was not poison, when children had to solve their problems without any help, fought when they had to, and spent a great part of the day without electronic games, inventing their own games with their friends.
I am worried about the children of tomorrow, with their parents with mobile phones, psychotherapists helping at each defeat and – above all – being diagnosed with ADD when curiosity is very important to be able to find our personal legend.
Now please feel free to comment or even insult me. This is an open forum.
I agree. When I was a child, there was little ADD - and it was usually the child whose parents hadn’t instilled enough ‘fear’ in him…not fear of them, but fear of consequences.
The bottom line is we all must learn coping mechanisms. Our society is good for giving natural things names and prescribing meds for them. Meds that do long term damage and prevent the development of natural coping mechanisms…I am pretty sure as a child I had and even as an adult have what people would call ADD - but my parents got me straight.
I still struggle with focus…and even hyperactivity at times - but I manage because I learned to as a child. My parents accepted on my excellence…there were no excuses.
Todays children are giving and being encourage to give too many excuses…excuses are tools used by the ignorant that make monuments out of nothing…and those who specialize in them seldom amount to anything. An excuse is always the opposite of action. Inaction usually isn’t the way to progress.
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i don’t believe in giving drugs especisally when it is something like Add , diagnosed willy nilly these days. the same applies for all type od mentally disorders. I have a child who has a mental illness, although the medical profession was very understanding wnd prescribed the omega 3 plus the medications, i believe that we can do better and do without the medications - love and understanding plays a big part - research saus that in a country like Italy the mentally ill people fare better because of the family unit being stronger (all pulling in together).
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Marie-Christine Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Researches also show that Latin countries fare better in human contact (touching people) (180 times) in an hour against 90 I think in France and a very small proportion as low as 2 in the English speaking countries.
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It is my opinion, agree or disagree, that children learn differently. The traditional classroom labels and forces conformity and mediocrity disallowing a child to grow as his soul encourages. Could the “lack of attention” paid to what a teacher feels is important at a precise moment be also due to the poor quality of food a child is provided? Too much tv? Too little attention to his needs? Some of us are needier than others and require a bit more patience and a bit more love. I know that several adults have found peacefulness with this label, but it is never too late to honor the child who was deprived as a child in the adult who still has needs and hopefully will always maintain that part of him/her that needs love. I beg you to find the courage to be who you are, without the need for labels (and medication).
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I have to disagree. While there are certainly cases where the diagnosis ADD is overused, I think there is a difference between ADD and curiosity. In the latter, one may often wish to switch subjects or passions, but that person is capable of giving their passion to what truly interests them.
I believe I would have been diagnoses as ADD had my mother not assumed I’d grow out of it. Later in life, I made great changes to my diet and changed some unhealthy habits. The difference it made was huge. It was like I had been walking around in a fog all my life and suddenly it was sunny out. I would hate to think by ignoring ADD as a real problem, somebody would miss out on feeling the changes I did by not looking at the real problems. For the record, I think drugs are a band aid treatment and are at best short term solutions.
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I strongly agree with your view of ADD. My oldest son is a poster child for ADD. He is and was extremely strong willed and unfocused. Doctors encouraged us to consider medication and therapy. However we did not and would not consider this as an option. We toughed it out with him. We made it clear that there were expectations and that it was assumed that he would rise to them. We also challenged him to become “situationally aware” (borrowing a term from the Marines). This was mainly to channel his energy and exuberance into an awareness of his surroundings and how he fits within them. What resulted from this was a laser focus on whatever he was working on. This seems ironic that forcing him to be aware of his surroundings (i.e. distractions) would make him more focused. The result is that he finished high school as the Valor Victorian of his class, he earned his Eagle Scout award, and earned and almost perfect SAT score. He was recently accepted into one of the top colleges in our State. All of this was done with love and patience not drugs.
What worries me is the automatic acceptance by parents that these drugs will solve their problems. They can give a child a pill and they behave and learn. However, I truly question if this is in the best interest of the child. It certainly solves the problem in the short term. But at what long term expense? There may well be some children that need this treatment. But what I cannot believe is how common ADD is.
The raising and education of our children is the primary job of the parents. This will require tremendous sacrifice and patience. How can we expect great things from our children, when we do not put in the effort.
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I agree and disagree… hehe… as someone who would easily also be diagnosed with ADD and who has found his personal legend and is incredibly curious AND as a child and family therapist who serves parents and kids who have been diagnosed with ADD and/or are convinced that such labels may be useful to them… I respect the search of my clients to find a way to reconcile their “madness” their wanderlust… the frustration they feel when their child is running rampant and in front of a car… with the sense of love and deeper knowing that the person who is distracted is okay and fine the way they are. Ironically, at our clinic we have found the way of the Warrior to be one path these kids will choose and benefit from… asking them to still their minds and learn the skill of focussing it where and when they need to rather than they or authority figures believing that the monkey mind is “controling” them. In all, I would say that balance is important and love first, along with a concrete way ( not drugs or labels) to help us come back to wholeness.
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I agree with your point of view. I have a child with this condition diagnosticated since he got 3 years old, and something that you forgot to mention is the fact that it is not only that the childrens have to go to a therapist, they medicate those childrens too. These childrens are very intelligents they just need patience and LOVE, but I think, and correct me if i’m wrong, that science just need to diagnosticated even more and more diseases for many reasons and one of them is because the money $$$….”You have that disease you need medication and you need to use it for the rest of your life” There is something about all this…
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