One of my friends in myspace mentioned that her child has Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD). It is funny because the first time that I heard about it was from Nancy, an American myspace friend who came to Paris to meet me. According to Nancy, you put a child in a room with several toys, and IF the child does not get lost, she does not have ADD.
I can garantee you: I would be immediately diagnosed as a severe case because, being a child (and even as an adult) I pay attention to everything and nothing.
Please visit My Myspace profile to read the rest and other reader’s comments.
Love,
Paulo
Attention Deficit Disorder
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Penso che il mondo sta girando troppo veloce, troppe informazioni ci arrivano contemporaneamente da tante parti, troppi stimoli, troppa tecnologia…e l’uomo perde il contatto con se stesso e con gli altri.
Dovremmo rallentare, dovremmo fermarci e fare un passo indietro.
Ci è sfuggito di mano qualcosa…e i bamibini pagano le conseguenze di questa corsa impazzita.
Vengono lasciati soli con la TV, con il computer, bombardati da 1000 paure.
L’amore è la unica sola vera ricchezza, l’unico medicinale in grado di guarire tutti i mali del mondo.
Of course children with adhd should not be medicated and those depressed people and their anti depressants can’t they just cheer up! What about all those pill poping folk with high blood pressure, just chill.
Seriously why is there such a stigma surrounding treating adhd. Is it better to leave the hyperactivity alone and allow a child to be friendless, bullied and leave school with the minimal qualifications or to help the child in every way- addititive free diet, fish oils, zinc, routine, exercise, and if all the above does not work then yes medication. Then the child can socialise, be a part of school life and gain an education. Of course all medication should be taken seriously and not over prescribed but those who need it must not be made to feel guilty. The attitude surrounding ritalin is reminiscent of the taboo surrounding anti depressants 20 years ago
If you have it or no you are still made to suffer from people who are now going to suffer for the mistake they made in your life.
That is my experiance with the whole thing.
If you are an Indigo child or really need the meds is a case by case thing that Schools and doctors don’t really want to delve into .
Sometimes parents just need super nanny !
Then again some times meds help.
It’s suha cach 22 in most cases that I have seen while in high school.
I know I thnak God/dess every day mom refused to let them shove ANYTHING down my throat and for most kids that seems to be the best choice but very difficult.
I had friends that were really never the same after riddlin.
And I missed them as they were.
And funny they still had a hard time liveing life afterward.
ADD est encore une fois une “tentative d’evasion” de la part de la medecine d’abrutir nos enfants et de se decharger de leurs responsabilites.
ADHD is once again an “escape mechanism” from the medical profession to brutalize our children and to offload their responsibilities.
Hello,
a lot of parents here in Germany choose medication for their kids diagnosed ADD ignoring that the prescribed drugs have an impact on the personality of the kids.
By observing and also the reports of friends touched by this issue I found that most of the kids with ADD are mainly having a very strong will of their own at a very young age. This makes it harder of course to “tame” them and to implement thinking-patterns into their mind like it happened to the generations before.
The world might need a new awareness about WHY the children born in these times are so stubborn about the things they want or not want. I mean, it’s a soul quality to be so strong and fearless and it’s time to wake up and learn to guide them on THEIR path rather than forcing the parents way onto them. These kids don’t let others do that to them unless the get drugged. I admire these kids!
To me dealing with “ADD” is a matter of diving into what is really going on. Micro-nuricional aspects are touched as well as that the parents of these kids are facing the challenge to do a quantum-jump in their own awareness.
As far as I see it they are not all ready for this:-). It’s much easier to give the kid a pill than finding out what this soul has come here for and to support it in this.
We might need some more time -as humanity- before we can collectively integrate such “phenomena” into our view on life.
I recently watched a documentary about a new approach to dealing with ADD. The Neuroscientist Gerald Hüter had the idea to bring 11 kids with ADD to a place in the mountains and let them live there for sevaral weeks without any medication in the nature with coaches to learn to get along with each other, learn to accept “borderlines” in this community. All this in absence of their parents.
On the other hand, the parents of these kids got together too to learn how to deal with the situation differently, to set fewer borders but stay firm on those they set etc.
I find this approach very interesting because I consider the ADD- “problem” a combination of the special disposition of the child and the attitude of the parents.
I am sure that ADD is a matter of how parents deal with these kids:-) IT doesn’t have to be a problem, but it can become one if the parents do things the old way.
The documentary showed that there is a way without medication to deal with this disposition and most of the kids in this camp integrated much better afterwards.
You can find the docu here (it’s in German): http://37grad.zdf.de/ZDFde/inhalt/14/0,1872,1020910_idDispatch:9388100,00.html?dr=1
Have a great time!
Warm regars,
Sonia*
I will start by saying that I have never been on this website before & I will do my best not to offend anyone here. Unfortunately, people today find a way to be offended at just about anything. So here goes…
I am a 41 year old male living in the US. I am currently married, for 13 1/2 years, and have 4 wonderful children (all girls). I will not go into my childhood, because it was a very “non-typical” one. So I will start by saying that I am an adult that is absolutely afflicted with a severe case of ADHD. I mentioned that I am currently married. I say currently because my wife has just recently decided that she wants a divorce and has not only moved out, but has another man in her life. This all began only 4 months ago, yet it really began many years before.
A brief description of me would be:
I am a young at heart, 41 year old male, who looks closer to 21 than 41. No, there’s nothing wrong with me physically. I have just been blessed with aging very gracefully. I’m a happy, upbeat, positive thinking, easy going, fun loving, passionate, funny, attractive, confident, Christian man. I have loved my wife for so long, I don’t know how to feel any other way. Even with all that I have had to witness with this whole mess and her being with another man, I still do love her so deeply. Trust me, it hasn’t been very easy, due to a lot of bashing on her part and of course being intimate with another man. You see, we have struggled financially almost our whole relationship. For most of it, I was working 50 hours or more per week and made decent enough money to live fairly comfortably. However, we are both financial morons & just didn’t manage our money very well. So we struggled. But the last serious job that I held, that provided a steady paycheck, I had been fired from in January 2004, 6 days before my 3rd child was born. I was introduced to a business opportunity that was just so appealing and made so much sense, that I knew I could do well at it. That was the beginning of the end. I had a major paradigm shift in my understanding of how to make money and be successful in today’s world. I wanted so badly to succeed at it, that I put a lot of time into it (hyperfocus). After a year and a half, I had to stop spinning my wheels and started working as a driver for a delivery company. Good pay, but it was when gas was at it’s highest point and I had to pay for it out of my own pocket. So it quickly became not such good pay. Anyway, I continued to try one idea after the next, after the next, never really taking any one of those ideas and really running with it. Therefore, I never would make a consistent enough income to provide properly for us. We filed bankruptcy TWICE. We lost our home in foreclosure. We had 2 cars repossessed. We barely had money to do anything as a family. And we had to go on food stamps & medicaid to provide the necessities for our family. I NEVER gave up or lost hope that something would work out.
My wife and I had many arguments about money. I realize that most marriages attribute money problems as the reason for their decline, but rarely did we argue about anything else. Outside of money, we had a love for each other that made those around us green with envy. We always held hands wherever we were. Sincere affection was always a part of us. It was never forced or fake. We were truly and deeply in love with each other. We shared so many truly connecting intimate moments, that I would wonder if anyone else was as fortunate as we were to feel that kind of love for a mate. My wife is very beautiful, inside and out. Trust me, many men wished they were me.
But as the past few years developed, I became more and more unattached. Not so much relationally, but just with reality. I didn’t see the ill affects that my mental state was causing. I could never read a book cover to cover. I would zone out of conversations because my mind was racing with a thousand thoughts at the same time. I would blurt out things that weren’t meant to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I didn’t understand why people were starting to think I was a jerk. Many times I would say something completely intended to be a joke, but I would make someone feel bad or uncomfortable. There were a lot of times that I didn’t see that I offended someone, but when I did see it, I genuinely felt bad. I’m a lover, not a fighter at heart. I have always been that way. My life started to decline at a vicious pace with no end in sight. One day, my wife mentioned that she was watching a talk show and the topic was adult ADD/ADHD. They discussed how it is so devastating because it is such an unrecognizable disorder that the general opinion of those that suffer from it were just being labeled as lazy, not caring, non-committal, insensitive, rude, flighty, and even stupid. I would never label myself with any of those characteristics. Just reading my post here, do I seem stupid? I assure you, others certainly would.
I came across a book, just about a year ago, called “Is it You, Me or Adult ADD”. I read some excerpts online & my jaw dropped to the floor. It was like they were writing about my life and somehow were able to even read what I was thinking. I had to read some of it to her because I was in total shock of how they nailed me right on the head. She too was blown away with real life examples that others had written to the author about, to be used in this book.
After almost another year of my craziness, I finally got the proper medication to keep my brain from racing out of control. But it takes more than just meds. Just like if you want to be in better physical shape, you can’t just exercise and still eat whatever you want. You will get nowhere. The same holds true with ADD/ADHD. Many experts agree that it is virtually impossible for an individual with any serious level of ADD to overcome the obstacles of being more organized and structured on their own. The help of someone who has vested interest in you is the ideal candidate. My wife just wouldn’t do it. She flat out refused. Partly because, before I was diagnosed I did recognized the need to have a little direct, outside motivation to help me along with my desire to make something of myself. And she tried, but neither of us knew how to do it the proper way. So she felt that she was being a nag & just didn’t want any part of it. The other part, I believe, was denial. She simply refuses to believe that most of my short comings could be explained by attributing some part of them to the way ADHD affected me. It still does today, but I won’t let it beat me. With God’s help and a constant desire on my part to be who I know I can be, I will do whatever I can on my own to function as a serious contributor to society and God’s purpose.
Please, for your loved one’s sakes, don’t discount ADD/ADHD as just another “excuse” to medicate kids into zombieland. Don’t chalk up your spouse’s lack of motivation and apparent laziness as “that’s just they way he/she is”. Believe me, it is worth it to just be a little open-minded enough to prevent a life filled with disappointments & heartache. I can assure you, this is real!!! But it can be very rewarding when dealt with properly. Or so I’ve heard.
You can visit adhdmarriage.com, or additudemag.com, to get a better perspective.
I hope links are allowed because I came across 2 forum posts on adhdmarriage.com, that speak volumes on the marriage difficulties that are very real. You may have to copy and paste them in your address bar but it’s worth it. Here they are:
http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/being-supportive-my-adhd-soon-be-ex-spouse-has-cost-me-so-much-especially-respect-and-empath
http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/adult-add-ends-21-yr-marriage-non-add-trying-understand-all-connections-please-help
Don’t give up on the ones you love. It really hurts. A LOT!
God Bless
Dear Michael,
I hope you and yours are doing very well. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation, but, as Saint Paul said, “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). I hope that you stay firm in your faith, and that it yields the small wonders of your soul that God makes gigantic in His presence. Be well and God bless you and those you love:).
Thanks for sharing Michael.
ADD is the unability to focus on something that doesn’t motivates you. It can take you to extrems, because you can be absorved by something or hate something else. It is very frustrating, because sometimes if your brain is not interested just shuts and you can come accross as a thick person.
Is that an illness?? or simply the way you are?
I have a child with ADD. Its real. I abhor the above comments above that imply I do not expose my child to nature etc. Please come and live in my house for a week and you will be exposed to nature, Art and beauty. my son has one of the best vocabs in his class and could tell you more then some scientist could about dinosaurs. He is currently making trying to work out how to make stop animation. He is sweet and kind and thoughtful.
He is not in need of a good telling off or whatever else it is poeple with no knowledge of this feel should be done. Please empower yourself with truth and knowledge not opinions pulled form the air. This doesn’t help anyone.
What ADD is like lots of other of these things is a ‘different’ way of learning. It is not wrong. It is however hard for a teacher in a class of children who do not have it to deal with one who does. Our educational systems here in the UK are archaic and do not how to accomodate it.
It is not made up, it is not an excuse and because I love and care about my son I WILL help empower him to take control of his life.
If anyone would in the UK is feelings let down down and worried about this they can have me e-mail and I may be able to help them get the help thier child deserves.
Mide
I think that ADD is just an excuse adults have when they can not control a kid. Kids are restless, that´s the true… why would adults want to have kids just sitting and paying attention…. I think that even adults are not able to do that…
Patience and dedicate time to our kids is the medicine not retaline…..
It is nice to absorb many hours in things that interest you.
About labels:
Well this is a rampant diagnosis among children in Canada, including one of my sons.
Actually, he tends to hyperfocus on what interests him, and is also vigilant to all that is happening around him. Sometimes he would follow ants to their hills on his way home for lunch. In so doing, there was not time to sit and eat with us; instead I handed him his sandwich and he would simply turn around and return to school. He taught me many things, including more about the meaning of flexibility.
After studying genealogy for a while, I discovered the abounding adventurous spirit in the immigrant ancestors. Then imagined each ship about to cross the Atlantic Ocean for life on a new continent…a Captain announces his upcoming journey and my ancestors hear this news. They pack up (one of them was only 13 years of age and came alone!), then find the Captain, and plead ‘oh please, pick me, pick me to join you!’ Perhaps they all had ADD!
Children with ADD tend to be right-brained thinkers; fearless, full of adventure and learn through doing; they also prefer to not sit still to learn. Guess I must have ADD too ; )
Love to All, Jane : ) xo
Hey Paulo,
I couldn't agree more with you. I feel like the Grinch is trying to steal childhood. My nephew couldn't get dressed up for Halloween at school. He's 5 years old. And he isn't allowed to have cupcakes and a birthday party in school either. The joy of childhood is being sucked out of the lives of today's kids. I have SO many wonderful memories of growing up and some bad ones too but each experience helped form my personality and being. I think it's sad when adults are forced to act serious and self important as if they don't have a moment to observe and take in a pleasant & simple experience but when it's imposed on children I actually consider it a form of child abuse.
The ADD labeling in schools has reached an outrageous level. And unfortunately it follows a child throughout his formative educational years on school records.
I also fear for the next generation…if they don't learn how to receive and develop happiness in their youth, what will happen to them as they grow and life becomes more difficult? I think a personality and sense of joy are the two most important things to cultivate in a child. Everything else will fall into place as they grow.
Sincerely,
A fellow advocate of a happier & more eclectic tomorrow
I feel that ADD or ADHD is merely the result of parents not finding the time to expose their children to nature. Some of the other posts have mentioned that children are exposed to too many varieties of stimulation. I agree. One can experience positive types of stimulation, but video games, television and junk food , all consumed in great excess amplifies a child’s natural intensity too much.
oh it feels uber good to be free, P! i am a bird, i am a fish, i am a mistletoe, i am a fly!
toys are there to distract the parents, keep them occupied, while the kid is off with more important things to do.
i wish i may i wish i might,
leave it all behind.
but then i turn & look & see,
the behind has already left me!
whooppeee!
very important, dissociation. especially if you see a baby and say oh gosh looks like my mother, maybe she is my mother reincarnated? not very healthy for the man, esp not healthy for the daughter!
Hi Paulo, hi all,
I heard about ADD some four years ago, and I saw mi daughter who paid attention to everything and nothing. She simply couldn’t concentrate on one thing continuously. She was and is too energetic a very joyous person. So then at that time I got really worried: What if she has ADD, will she get serious problems at school? We did nothing and let the things flow, and with time it turned out that she indeed is able to concentrate on the things she does with enthusiasm and passion. Let it be dancing, singing, or even mathematics… And she is really good in these things. She still has some minor problems in school (she is 9 now) because she easily gets distracted and wants to solve everything as fast as possible without paying, sometimes, enough attention to the tasks given. But I think this is something one may solve, with patience and dedication…
I also think that our ‘psychological’ society often tries to label people too rapidly with a certain ‘disease’. And puts things into boxes, where it is not that easy to escape. This is due to the scientific approach, that tries to analyze everything in a reductionistic manner. On the other hand I don’t think that everything that psychology has produced over the last 100 years or so is crap. Many people one or another time in their lifes get into REAL problems, where they need ‘professional’ help. But I think the job of a psychologist is not to ANALYZE people in order to put them into boxes, but rather to LISTEN to their problems, helping them to reflect about their lifes and improving them. And LISTENING is an act of Love… And this is also the first thing parents should apply to their children.
I recommend the books of Morgan Scott Peck (somebody has mentioned him earlier), who helped me a lot in a certain point of my life and helped me as well in understanding the relation between psychology and spirituality… he also deals a lot with children and parents…
Frank
Hola Paulo,
estoy totalmente de acuerdo con tigo. A mí,como la futura profesora(de matematicas) me preocupa mucho este tema. Me parece que a los niños les cuesta pensar. Estan acostumbrado a recibir cosas sin o con un poco de esfuerzo. Y, claro, este comportamiento es solo una respuesta a comportamiento de los adultos en su alrededor. No se desarolla y apoya la curiosidad de los niños. Los dibujos animados, los libros en las escuelas, me parecen de muy bajo nivel, sí como los niños no son las personas inteligentes.
(O puede ser que a alguien, le conviene que las generaciones futuras no piensan, sino dejar otras personas pensar por ellos :))
Otra cosa, vivimos en una epoca con internet, teléfones movíles y otros aparatos tecnicos que nos ayudan conectar con otra gente, pero la gente es más y más lejos uno de otro. Vemos las pelicúlas, leemos libros, estudiamos sobre la vida, pero hablamos uno con otro muy poco. La vida pasa por nuestro lado mientras pensamos que la vivimos. Los padres no tienen suficiente tiempo para hablar con sus hijos, y conocer les de verdad. Y cuando aparece un problema van al psicologo. No tengo nada contra los psicologos,son muy útiles, pero pienso que la gente, los padres especialmente, deben que hacer mucho más caso en sus hijos y en otra gente en general. Me parece que la mayoría elige el camino más facíl.
De todas maneras, creo que el amor es el clave. Nos salvará.
De pronto voy a ser tía, y uno de los primeros regalos para mi sobrino/a va a ser tu libro ¨ El alquimista ¨.
Gracias por tu inmenso amor.
Un gran abrazo, mucho amor.
Tanja
Dear Mr. Coelho,
This is the first time that I make a comment to your topic because I found your blog not so long ago. If I have a chance I always connect and read your messages and other visitors opinions. I can learn a lot from them and also can get confirmation for my point of view, several times.
I completely understand and agree to your opinion about today’s generation. I think the parents should have the responsibility for teaching their children the right and bad things but they shouldn’t protect them from everything, otherwise they cannot learn how to live and what are the rules of life.
I’m the only child of my parents. Of course they always worried about me and wanted to protect me from every bad thing. In spite of that they not always knew where I was and what I did. Still I was too protected, so when I was around 18 I had disadvantage to many others and so I felt the lack of selfconfidence but I knew that I could learn how to live in an other way and how to reach things, so I started to observe others around me and read books to find my way. Of course, I made (and still make) a lot of mistakes, I failed many things but I try to learn from them. My Mum helps me a lot (as a good teacher and friend), she still tells me if I’m not right. In spite of my age, she often says to me, if I’m suffering from something, that: “you should live the life as it is, don’t escape from the problems and painful events because you can learn the most of them”. I know she is right.
with love
Timea
Kirsi, don’t worry about what the daycare staff say, my nephew was the same. Very, very high energy. He couldn’t just stand still he would have to run in circles haha. To me this is wonderful. I love that he is so joyous and full of life!
My nephew is now nearly 12 and still can’t stay still but is super fit because he is a black belt in Taikwondo, and is always on the go. Different people have different jobs to do in life, who’s to say that your son may need to grow up to do a high energy job so God gave you a high energy boy for that purpose!
Kathleenxx
Dearest Paulo
I am going to kill this computer!! This is the third time I’m typing this message out!! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh… The frustration!
*Breathes…*
Alright.. I’m calm now.. Third times the charm… Here goes..
A lot of things have already been said, most of which has agreed with you. So I’m just writing to add what I want and share a bit about myself.
I found myself reading more the clinical side about ADD, because I was curious after I read your article. Before I actually tell u what I think, allow me to say, judging by the symptoms, I’m hyperactive. lol. I’ve been hyper my whole life, I just have this energy, and I love it. Everyone who knows me, knows I’m hyper, I think of weird things, and they’ve learnt to enjoy my uniqueness. If anything, being curious and full of energy motivates me to love life so much more. So I pretty much don’t care what a psychologist will label me. It’s who I am and the world must deal with it. (I’m a bit adamant on that part…)
As for my childhood, which was not too long ago, it’s was pretty balanced. I loved playing with the boys on our cricket pitch (actually our driveway), I loved playing marbles and tops and yo-yos, and I really loved flying (literally) down a hill with my bike or skates or scooter or anything with wheels. I must admit, I also loved being challenged at Need for Speed, or Fifa or pretty much any game, and I did love watching programs- especially cartoons.
I feel that what is most important in a child’s development is their intellectual stimulation to develop a sense of creativity. It is also very important for a child to be curious, and to satisfy that curiosity- for that is how you learn about life. Furthermore, having friends, and forming a bond with others is vital. Not only for communication skills but also for a child to learn what it means to have a friend. I think that back in the day, the need for a child to entertain itself was so great- that they were forced to be creative and to explore with their friends. Thus- not only was their human interaction increased but also their ability to think for themselves. Now days, a kid is accustomed to luxury. He or she, will play games, and watch tv, and create an image of a cushioned world for themselves. A child needs to run outside and fall to realize how to get up. I think that children growing up now, even though they may play games and watch movies, still have to walk outside, and will still fall at some point. Problem is, how hard will they fall not knowing the world out there? And will they get up again? I think that’s what we all fear- our future children not being able to survive in this world. Not being able to get themselves up on to their own two feet. As much as one can say, back in the day, we used to make our own games, times are changing. Technology is only going to move forward and inevitably influence us all. The most we can do is to teach our children about balance. Teach them how to use a pc or play games, but also take them to the park, let them play in the sand, and let them never forget the other things in life.
As for ADD, I’d understand if a child suffers from it due to malnutrition or brain damage or even an underlying problem (clinical) or worry (example- parents getting divorced). I think that the child’s environment should seriously be taken into consideration and well as his or her diet, before a diagnosis is made. If a child is unhappy at home, how do you expect him or her to concentrate on playing with toys? If a child has been eating only starch all day, how can he or she concentrate without the proper minerals? What if you come across a child who just is too curious? Who wants to try and experience everything? Kids are kids and parents should not want their kids to constantly be still or be totally obedient, if they are, then their parents should worry! As you can see, there are endless possibilities, and each case will never be the same, that’s why all factors should be taken into account before labeling a child with ADD. A child could be just plain down naughty, or he could emotionally upset for whatever reason- say he feels unloved. I think once one investigates and finds out what’s causing the child to behave in this manner- It’s the key to it all. If it is a clinical problem it is best to treat it as prescribed, if it’s something worrying the child, rather have him talk about it, and work through it, than putting him on medication to concentrate better at school.
However, just labeling a kid with ADD because he or she can not sit still- will end up doing more harm than good. A child should also learn a form of discipline- to know when to sit down and concentrate on something. It’s how he must learn how to focus himself and train his own mind. If need be, give him a vitamin/mineral supplement like omega3 or something (the food these days is certainly not the healthiest) – you have nothing to lose and all to gain. And please, get to know your child, and give him the love he needs, because image how scary this is for him- suddenly his different, his “not doing well” and will start looking at himself inferiorly.
Giving children drugs, and creating a complex that they are sick when it is unnecessary, will make the situation far worse. Sometimes technology with all its progress will cause one to digress, so parents don’t be so trusting! Never forget that a psychologist is trained to analyze everything and find a mental illness or explanation for it. Sometimes it’s good to look at your child, watch your own child and see for yourself before making any hasty decisions.
Thank you for being
Yajna
PS. Sorry its so long- been trying to write this for a couple of days and it just didn’t seem to like me very much…
This entry and the conversation caught my eyes. Child should sit still, be quiet? No way. That’s a rather scary scenario. ADD labels children and think about parents! Being a mother in contemporary Western society (in my case,as a foreigner, as a mama of three young children living in Denmark) is not that simple. My adorable children are loud, love running, playing outside (like majority of the kids in our courtyard)and have plenty of energy that we adults tend to lack :) Here parenting is “laissez-faire”-style…adults observe, don’t get much involved. However, I hear nearly daily comments at my son’s daycare about his over curious nature, loudness & fast speed. He is two years old! I’m aware of this, of course, and I have seen this at home with my older girls, as well. I had been in belief that this all belongs to life and nature of the two year olds. Teachers make me feel bad… And over and over again I find myself lecturing them about cultural differences and mentioning that yes, he has two sisters who turned out allright. Parents & teachers, please let kids be kids and show respect for diverse parenting styles!!!
Serene, I laughed out loud when I read that you and your sis sold the drinks from straight out of your fridge! Classic
Kathleen xx
Querido Paulo,
Como sabe eu tenho uns amigos com um filho com add. A familia nunca o medicou e nem os médicos recomendaram qualquer medicina. O colegio sim insinuou.
A criança seguiu um tratamento com excelente psicologos e hoje está muito melhor. Melhor para os outros, pois ele sempre esteve muito bem. É uma situaçao muito exigente para os pais e também requer uma dedicaçao integral. O sofrimento maior dos pais é a nível social, quando experimentam que, os amigos, familiares, conhecidos, escola e sociedade em geral nao tem paciencia e passam para a rejeiçao. Os pais também tiveram que acudir a tratamento psicologico para aprender a lidar com a criança e com a resposta social, aprender a lidar com as reclamaçoes constantes.
Eu sempre me esforcei por aceitá-lo, mas mesmo com todo o esforço nao consegui o objetivo que os pais se sentissem em casa e apoiados incondicionalmente. A minha própria familia gerou varias situaçoes constrangedores para mim porque feriram aos meus amigos com suas reclamaçoes.
Eu aprendi que o principal é apoiar a familia, se o entorno familiar está equilibrado é muito mais levável conviver com a situaçao.
Mônica
..just gotta say- WEIRD!! i just got home from town, where i met a friend, and we were talking about exactly this!! i’ve heard this as “those over 30 shouldn’t be alive”, and i told my friend that i am just waiting for my 30′th birthday to arrive so i can frame this “list” and hang it on my wall!! :-)
..and by the way.. i just realized what i am going to give my best friend for her birthday i january.. hehe..
ps- ADD is just a way for teachers and parents to have an excuse for drugging noisy, active and curious children.. hehe
NEVER GROW UP!! DON’T LET THEM GET YOU DOWN!!
;-P
people are so focused on living that they are afraid of everything. everything can cause cancer this and that is unhealthy, you might get piles from a heat warmer etc etc
you live life once….stop running away just relax
and live
bo0om paulo,
humble you , and with that invitation to insults , you’ve taking over our hearts now. kudos on ADD , much needed attention.
in the good old past, we were promised heaven & hell. but now in the present i guess, its heaven or hell now.
when our children watch TV now a days , the blood,violence,deceit,etc(thats what 99% of whats on the tube now a days is), can you begin to even imagine what children perceive.
soo many books , is this a sign that we have regressed to lower than ape level. where are the geniuses???
why are we making our life more miserable ( >100$ a barrel ). and our childrens even more so.
have we lost it???
i feel strongly that humanity is on the extreme edge of a catastrophe. now all those bad sceintific decions taken on behalf of us in the name of progress, democracy etc. have backfired on us showing the utter foolishness of our peers.
when are we gonna wake up ???
now my friends now…
bo0om
fLUXman
hey FOLKS! :) hi Paulo,
this passage was in one of your books, wasn’t it?
I was thinking about my childhood games… I remember so well! We (my sis & i) sold drinks from our family fridge, sat on a swing imagining it was a boat and the grass was herbs (tt we’d pick) or crocs (we’d avoid touching), drove my parents’ bed like it were a time machine or transporter, waited for the night to try out some detective work around the hse… it was so fun!
Unlike most children of our time (I’m 23 this year), my sis and I were banned from computer games. That is, we cld only play those “boring” ones like solitaire or pinball or jeezball, which come with the PC. Everyone else, cousins included, were all on playstations and other sophisticated computer stuff!! Most of the time it didn’t affect us, but when we went visiting, the different computer games the other kids were playing made us feel out of place!
HmmMMmm.. i think the games of today aren’t so bad… not if children also learn to talk to one another, sing (very impt), and spend time away from IT. Seems like the trend these days are that parents want kids onto the IT wave early on, so they get used to it, since it’s so much a part of our lives these days…
the only insult i can think of is, DON’T GET LEFT BEHIND!! And if you do, be cute and write on a webbie saying you don’t want us to tell, so people won’t say u’re outdated ;p
LOVE.
write more. new stuff. :) a fan always. ps: don’t worry, i don’t just like u. i bought many many of your books. the ones missing fm my collection are the pilgrimage, & the devil & miss prym. Prob get them some time.
I say ADD doesn’t exist. It’s another made up disease to get people to make the pharmaceutical companies money. The people who brought up diet (fast food nation), lack of physical activity, and cable TV I agree with. Combine all the above and your going to see kids that are probably more hyper and skittish than kids of the past. Even so adults today far too often just don’t want to let kids be kids. Always want them to be docile cause they are too lazy and selfish to take the kids to the park, play with them, do activities with them or take the time to cook for them. Also has something to do with people more and more wanting to give up control of their lives over to drugs, doctors and the government.
I understand the inclination to doubt the existence of ADD. Before I was diagnosed I believed (both because I was being told so and I thought it was the only explanation) that I wasn’t achieving at the level I was capable of because I wasn’t trying hard enough or worse, I wasn’t smart enough. I came home in tears with C’s, D’s and F’s and my mom would yell and say I’m smarter than these grades and I would always say no, I’m not I’m just dumb this is as good as I’ll ever do. Medication shouldn’t just shut up a kid, not if the doctor know what they’re doing and use the right meds in the right dosage and combination. I take 20 mgs of Adderall 2x a day and it certainly doesn’t turn me into a zombie like some accuse it of doing. It puts the brakes on my brain that’s usually running so fast from thought to thought i can’t pause on one thought long enough to do anything with it. ADD and ADHD isn’t just about being hyper and skittish, if those are the only symptoms it is not ADD. ADD is the inability to pay attention unless something is fascinating to you in which case you “hyperfocus” and can’t switch focus from that to anything else for hours and hours. It’s needing CONSTANT stimulation, insomnia, anxiety, depression, impulse control, interrupting and worst of all is the irritability and quick temper that results from living in the constant frustration of having a mind that races so fast you can’t control it. I went to the park plenty as a child, i was an avid reader and my mom was very attentive to my needs. In school I had wonderful, creative teachers who made school pleasant for me. They can’t help that my brain is hard-wired differently and I don’t think in a way that our society can accept. I value the creativity and propensity for artistic expression my ADHD gives me, but I don’t value not being able to complete a project, losing EVERYTHING, living in piles, having social anxiety because I’ll probably blurt something out without thinking that will be inappropriate. You can’t fight the way you’re wire and those who discredit it as an imaginary diagnosis only burden sufferers with guilt and embarrassment that fuels that already high risk for depression. It’s not about popping a pill to sit still, it’s about a pill (sometimes) in combination with therapy, coaching, lifestyle changes and diet changes to manage your brain and behavior in a way that allows you to function in normal society while still being able to maintain your personality. And thanks to Adderall IR, it wears off and is out of your system in 6 hours so you can be ADD free during class or work and in your free time enjoy the ADD brain you’ve been gifted with.
i guess the world has become too scientific and compartmentalized that everything needs explanation. sometimes it would be good to allow nature to unfold itself and to realize that there’s nothing to be fixed. we are a being that just have to exist as we are.
Paulo, concordo com Rosa de los vientos em tudo que ela escreveu!! Eu tive um filha que nasceu com paralisia cerebral,o nome dela era Anthea, disseram que viveria no máximo um ano e ela viveu até quase 07 anos.Foi o maior amor que tive em minha vida…Dei a ela não só amor, mas toda assistência que uma mãe deve dar a seus filhos.Pode ter uma certeza sempre: “Deus nunca te abandona, ou abandonará!!” Be happy again,boy,you and your friend Nancy!!
I don’t know if this is disagreeing with you, but rather adding something into the mix. When we were kids, things were very different. Kids today are exposed to a host of things that impact their developing brains and bodies. Soaring high fructose corn syrup consumption, hours a day spent in front of computers and tvs instead of outside in the fresh air, not enough sleep each night, use of cell phones and their electromagnetic frequencies, too much thinky thought classes and mandatory aptitude testing during the day and not enough recess and play. It’s enough to make anyone squirrelly and twitchy, don’t you think??? :)
Hello Paulo,
well I think its not a problem or an illness of the children as well, its the problem of our surrounding and of parents who r afraid of something. They have some problems to let their children outside to play. But why? Because the world changed so much, that we can see everyday just bad things around us. Like for example on TV. We r manipulated by this artifical world.
For example – my dad is older than you – he is taking care of me, but in a different way. In a positive way, so I could live my life with my decisions. My mom is 20 years younger, and she is acting really strange – I mean by that, she is too worried. So what I want to say by this. Maybe we could find an answer for all things which r happening nowadays, through this generation which grow up with TV (and so on..). Then we could see what is happening with this generation today. My dad didnt grow up with the media influence, not just because he is 70 years old, also because he had alot of different things to do.
So, all mental illnesess which r appearing nowadays are just a trial to excuse a failure of some grown-ups.
Or why r parents buyin their children mobile phones? Because they want to reach their children every second… Why they r allowing children to play on the PC? Because the parents dont know what to do with them, and if they would let them out, they would just be more worried… and the circle doesnt have an end.
I could write more on this issue, cuz Im worried of my nephews parents, who r having a really smart child…
Greetings from Bosnia
Snezic
Yo de pequeña jugaba a cosas en las que mi imaginación era mi mejor arma. Ma inventaba historias sobre la marcha. A veces jugaba con muñecos que eran quienes “vivian” esas historias. Otras mis amigos y yo éramos los que protagonizabamos las historias.
También leía mucho, pintaba, hacía manualidades… es lo bueno (o lo malo) de tener hermanos bastante más mayores que yo. Que hay que espabilarse para no aburrirse. Mejor dicho, había que espabilarse para no aburrirse.
Pero yo no era un caso aislado. Los niños de mi entorno bien se iban en bicicleta a pasear, bien jugaban en la calle después de hacer los deberes, bien jugaban a fútbol…
Hoy la myoría de los niños que no tienen con quien jugar o que tienen un rato libre, juegan con la Play, la Nintendo o la consola de turno. Muy pocos descubren el gusto por la lectura.
Lo cierto es que las cosas han cambiado, algunas para mejor y otras para peor.
(Aunque mi mensaje sea más un alegato a lo peor, sé que hay cosas que han mejorado.)
También a mí, me interesaría saber dónde encontrar los test.
Saludos,
Miriam
I think you are right. I am a SpEd teacher and counselor and I have worked with hundred of kids and adolescents who have gone astray because of the changes in their own life, as a developing child and as victims of circumstances brought about by their own parents and immediate caregivers. The usual reason for one is lack of love. People are so much preoccupied providing their children with so much material things that they oversee the real need of these kids, LOVE. mobile phones and televisions and other they so call child-friendly gadgets have chnaged the course of kids’ lifestyle that even what we perceive as normal becomes pathetically a painful struggle for them because they lack the guidance from mature adults. ADD/ADHD,Autism, Emotional Instability/Disorders and the likes boil down to one major need unattended — LOVE.
Eu fui uma dessas crinças (e ainda só tenho 30 anos) que descia numa velocidade louca nos carrinhos de rolamentos e ficava feliz quando era mais rápida que os rapazes!!!!!
Gracias a una amiga de myspace me he encontrado esto que quizás pueda servir como guía para los padres que tienen un hijo diagnosticado con este síndrome.
Los Niños Indigo
¿Qué es un niño índigo?
Un niño índigo manifiesta características físicas, emocionales y psíquicas diferentes y especiales respecto a lo que considera un niño normal. Catalogado y medicado en muchas ocasiones como niño hiperactivo, la realidad es que sus capacidades extrasensoriales y telekinésicas suelen revelar un patrón de comportamiento por lo general poco documentado. este patrón tiene unos factores únicos y singulares, que obligan a los padres a cambiar su manera de tratar y de criar a estos niños, a fin de ayudarlos a conseguir el equilibrio y la armonía en su vida y ayudarlos a evitar la frustración.
En este libro pionero, dos autores y conferenciantes de reconocido prestigio internacional como Lee Carroll y Jan Tober, reúnen a algunas mentes preclaras (médicos, educadores, psicólogos) que tratan de4 explicar el fenómeno de los niños índigo. Sin duda estos niños son especiales y representan un porcentaje elevado de los niños que nacen actualmente en todo el mundo. nacen “sabiendo” quiénes son y cual es su misión, y por eso debemos reconocerlos, respetarlos por sus cualidades excepcionales y orientarlos cariñosamente.
A lo largo de toda la obra, los autores responden a muchas de las preguntas, a menudo desconcertantes, relacionadas con los niños índigo, tales como:
* ¿Es posible que veamos la evolución humana en los niños de hoy?
* Estos niños, ¿son más inteligentes que nosotros a su edad?
* Cómo puede ser que tantos niños de hoy aparezcan “rompe-sistemas”?
* ¿Por qué a tantos niños brillantes les diagnostican problemas de falta de atención?
* ¿Existen alternativas demostradas y eficaces a la Ritalina y a otros fármacos que están administrando a los hiperactivos?
Un beso Paulo y espero que tu amiga reciba la ayuda necesaria.
I think the food that my parents used to eat was more “natural”, they didn’t buy tinned, pre-packaged or anything that had preservatives, steroids etc. I think this contributes to children’s ADD – also the lack of Omega 3 fatty acids from fish that help with concentration. Kids eat so much junk food because often parents are too busy to cook homecooked meals. But having said that I would guess that a quite a lot of cases are misdiagnosed. I would hazard to guess that some kids play up and act hyper because they want attention as often both parents work.
I think that people want speed and convenience. If someone is sick, quickly give them a tablet, if they are unhappy – seek professional advice as a quick fix.
Yes, its not good to be paranoid about life and I often hear stories about how my father used to jump from building to building or dive between narrow breaks from a really high cliff top – I think it allows children to build confidence and make wonderful discoveries and have great memories. But on saying that, I would jump out of my skin to know that the kids in our family were doing that haha.
What a brilliant article. I couldn’t agree with you more. As a newly beginning teacher, i aspire to bring my students back in touch with the ‘simple things in life.’ Too often, students are branded with disorders, diseases and psychological problems. One school even wanted to ban ‘Monkey Bars’ because children were falling and hurting themselves.. I thought that was the role of children; continure falling, and learn your lessons from mistakes (not from shelter) Once again, excellent article!!!
Hi Paulo, your title really caught my attention. I will write more later, just right now, wish to say
the most important moments in a child’s life, just like in an adult’s life, are the moments of authenticity, be they laughter, tears, mistakes, achievements or play.
If a smile is not a reflection of joy, it is not authentic. Unless it is made in the effort to be joyful.
So actually, the games you play are not so important as the moments they create.
I overheard someone talking about a colleague today, saying it really pisses him off that she treats everyone as if she was her friend. it occurred to me that at times I too might have appeared this way. his tone was like “everyone has a point of view, but i have Immaculate perception.”
so anyway i lost my point.. i’m at work you see. just wanna say i love ya! write soon.
Very correctly said, I also wonder sometimes what the future children would do like. Though I am also a game addict but I also was very active outdoors when being kid. I can see the sweeping change as the apartments I used to live in when I was kid, in the evening the central park area would be filled with all children , around 20-30 sometimes, playing around….but now when I travel back to my home(I am working in south India(Chennai) and my house is in North India (Delhi)) I find hardly 1 or 2 kids in the park, some kids have got specs at age of 7-8 of high power, most stick back to home clinging on to the video consoles or cartoon networks on TV. I wonder where the future would lead…..with more and more information available at your fingertips (courtesy google, wikipedia)…it sometimes lead to more and more confusion and uneasiness…specially for parents with young kids sometimes….thats how I see the ADD ….havent heard of it before…some might become paranoid with access of information available…sounds quite dangerous. Looks like adult would need more therapy than kids themselves :)
Dear Paulo,
I was just reading your intersting article about ADD and I can’t help but feel fascinated because I could’nt agree with you more.I also grew up in a time when I dont have any electronic toys,I have to forever invent games by myself or with friends to entertain and with all our wonderful adventures my parents dont even have any idea where we are or how safe we are at the time. And yes I seem to survived my chilhood with all wonderful and exciting memories which make me smile and even pround whenever I think or talk about them.As children, we were always punished and never heard,but I always look up to my parents with love, respect and admiration as I grew up. When I was fortunate enough to become a mother a few years ago, I made sure that I will give my son all the freedon to explore and satisfy his curiosity and of course I was always there to make sure of his safety. He grew up into a happy, very creative boy and I couldn’nt be more proud.Not even once I stopped him exploring, I want him to know from the time he was born that he is a free spirit and it is his human right to taste life as it is.
I believe that when one is curious about his environment ,he does’nt need medication or psychiatric treatment, he is just simply alive!
Some of the Examples you wrote here were there in your book “Flowing with the river” so i had already given them a thought. I am 23 now (Not far from my childhood) i still remember those days. We used to make idols of wet send & soil, but as we grown up we were distrected with lot of team games then Video games,Computers but again now I find Reading more intresting then any thing else.
So coming back to ur blog I think its an individuals choice. It depends upon how he has grown up & Mostly in what he finds his own Interest. These will be the factors deciding his (a Child’s) future.
Hi Paulo !!
see no one here has chosen to insult you, we are not that pitiable. what u have said makes a lot of sence. we are putting too much faith in our ‘progress’, just imagine if for some reason we don’t get electricity for a month, the whole system starts to crumble.
We should just let the children be, they are usually smarter thean previous generations, they too will find their way, just as we did.
sometimes I wonder this over-emphasis on remaining safe and protected may be kiilling the human spirit which thrives on exploring the unknown and adventure.
good that u raised the topic.
aditya
I think the world is just finding excuses for their own failures. Forgetting to embrace the unique qualities of the people around them.
I don’t know if you have ever had a chance to notice that a child with ADD. He/ She is one of the most loving human beings you would ever meet. His/her curiosity of everything in this universe makes him/ her appreciate for even a few seconds the person in front of them completely and wholly. While his/her attention may be distracted in a minute – more or less – that time he/she spent concentrating on you she/he has taken you in completely.
Why don’t we take him for treatment now? Why don’t we get them checked for being too loving? With the world of paranoid parents and society defined states of “normalcy”, will a child who is too loving survive? When will the world stop questioning emotionally complete human beings and let people grow at their own pace taking in the world as they want to?
Paulo, I wish everyone could get a bruised knee, carry those scratches as reminders of a discovery of the world! Let them go discover, without a million if’s and but’s.
Maybe I am going to get more critisized than you now :)
ola Paulo
Well what you said was so true to me, our time is scary as, that sometimes I think what will be happening in the next generation? God only knows but I feel this whole civilaziation movement has brought good things but lots of chaos which is a shame. I have a freind that has been diagonised with ADD, mind you the person is very normal and is funny smart and name it he can do anything, just because sometimes he displays strage behaviour, the doctor said my freind has ADD. How can that be so????????well that means I am one with ADD as well b/c I have strange days as well. weird????????? Scary world we live in. Thank you for your writing I have learned. Keep it up.GBU
Dear Paulo,
I really enjoy your daily messages, stories and novels. You are one of the most powerful motivators in my life.
The problem that you’ve mentioned for today and tomorrow’s children is not electronic games, toys and media. The most important problem is time and forgetting family life. Parents don’t have enough time to spend with their children, to share problems and share love. They don’t even have time to eat a meal a day together. How can we expect normal children while we aren’t act as normal parents?
Love,
Naghmeh
Live life as it should be lived. I really think that this ADD is but an excuse. Go Paulo!
I was recently in Thailand, taking a boat driven by a man and his 2 year old son. I had already made some observations about the agility and physical dexterity of the Thai people, and was amazed to see this little boy running, swinging, and jumping about this flimsy boat. My friends and I made comments about how the boy should sit down because he was going to fall, but his father said nothing, and the boy did not fall. Later that evening it occurred to me that in the west we tell our children “Be very careful, something bad is going to happen” and we have developed a culture of stagnating beings too afraid to take the risks that make life worth living. All of our psychology garbage has created a race of hypochondriacs, while this Thai man is raising a beautiful son who will never be afraid to fall. How much we have to learn from those who have not overstudied every last thing.
El ADD es un invento estadounidense. Y lo digo sin tratar de ofender a nadie. Soy mexicana pero he vivido en California la mayor parte de mi vida y aunque en gran parte estoy muy “americanizada” tengo tambien cosas de mi querido Mexico que nunca olvido. En fin, hablemos de ADD Primero que nada ADD es una enfermedad nueva como tantas que inventan y que existen en este pais…. Parte de esto tiene que ver con la cultura de aqui, nos tratan de vender tanta basura que mucha gente llega a creersela y que si tu vida no va a la perfecsion ya te deprimiste y para eso tienes que tomar pastillas. Tambien tiene mucho que ver el tema de que la mayoria de los 2 padres en un hogar trabaja y los ninos (unos tan chicos como bebes de 3 meses) ya pasan su mayor parte del dia en un “Daycare” y si eso si creo que llegue a afectar a los chicos. Algunos se adaptan al systema facilmente pero muchos otros no y seguro que si no son como soldaditos perfectos asi como la sociedad dice que los chicos deben ser entonces ya se les diagnostica de alguna cosa u otra. Y bueno el ADD es un producto inventado por la sociedad con el fin de beneficiar a las industrias farmaceuticas. Una cosa importate del ADD es saber que una vez que uno empieza a tomar los medicamentos, estos mismos son altamente adictivos y la mayoria de la gente tiene que vivir toda su vida tomando las drogas que lo hacen “funcionar como personas normales para la sociedad” osea ninos de 8 o 9 de edad sentados calladitos en las aulas de clase… .
En Mexico y en Argentina (donde tambien he vivido) una persona que aqui se le diagnostique con ADD es simplemente una persona con mucha energia, o con mucha curiosidad o “medio loco” pero en el buen sentido de la palabra y nada mas… no hay farmacias esperando llenarse de billones de dolares ni personas que se la crean.
Bueno es simplemente una opinion mia y al mismo tiempo entiendo que si pueden haber casos de personas que tengas problemas pero no creo que sea la mayoria de los casos.
Saludos a todos
While sadly there are some diagnosticians out there who do make an AD/HD diagnosed too quickly research actually suggests than AD/HD is under diagnosed. For those of us living with it we can tell you it is real and many have needlessly suffered from going through life undiagnosed and misunderstood.
La curiosidad es necesaria para seguir la leyenda personal, la intuición tambien y una mano amiga desde lo alto que te conduzca. El interés y tener sueños por realizar y me pregunto: ¿Qué hace que unos lo tengan tan claro y otros no?.
Los niños de hoy son distintos en lo que les rodea que los niños de ayer y en la vida hay distintas etapas, hoy los padres lo hacen muy bien en muchas cosas y en otras lo hacen muy mal por ejemplo: la falta de dedicación a sus hijos, jugar con ellos, escucharles, en una palabra hacer que el amor sea palpable.
Me gustaría Paulo saber donde estan esos test de los que tu hablas para aprender y saber mas de uno mismo.
Un beso Arquero.
Hey Paulo,
I couldn’t agree more with you. I feel like the Grinch is trying to steal childhood. My nephew couldn’t get dressed up for Halloween at school. He’s 5 years old. And he isn’t allowed to have cupcakes and a birthday party in school either. The joy of childhood is being sucked out of the lives of today’s kids. I have SO many wonderful memories of growing up and some bad ones too but each experience helped form my personality and being. I think it’s sad when adults are forced to act serious and self important as if they don’t have a moment to observe and take in a pleasant & simple experience but when it’s imposed on children I actually consider it a form of child abuse.
The ADD labeling in schools has reached an outrageous level. And unfortunately it follows a child throughout his formative educational years on school records.
I also fear for the next generation…if they don’t learn how to receive and develop happiness in their youth, what will happen to them as they grow and life becomes more difficult? I think a personality and sense of joy are the two most important things to cultivate in a child. Everything else will fall into place as they grow.
Sincerely,
A fellow advocate of a happier & more eclectic tomorrow
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