In my book, 11 Minutes, there’s the following passage:
"‘I’m the one who should feel ashamed for being unable to arouse them, but, no, they always blame themselves.’
To avoid such embarrassments, Maria always tried to put men at their ease, and if someone seemed drunker or more fragile than usual, she would avoid full sex and concentrate instead on caresses and masturbation, which always seemed to please them immensely, absurd though this might seem, since they could perfectly well masturbate on their own.
She had to make sure that they didn’t feel ashamed. These men, so powerful and arrogant at work, constantly having to deal with employees, customers, suppliers, prejudices, secrets, posturings, hypocrisy, fear and oppression, ended their day in a nightclub and they didn’t mind spending three hundred and fifty Swiss francs to stop being themselves for a night.
‘For a night? Now come on, Maria, you’re exaggerating. It’s really only forty-five minutes, and if you allow time for taking off clothes, making some phony gesture of affection, having a bit of banal conversation and getting dressed again, the amount of time spent actually having sex is about eleven minutes.’
Eleven minutes. The world revolved around something that only took eleven minutes.
And because of those eleven minutes in any one twenty-four-hour day (assuming that they all made love to their wives every day, which is patently absurd and a complete lie) they got married, supported a family, put up with screaming kids, thought up ridiculous excuses to justify getting home late, ogled dozens, if not hundreds of other women with whom they would like to go for a walk around Lake Geneva, bought expensive clothes for themselves and even more expensive clothes for their wives, paid prostitutes to try to give them what they were missing, and thus sustained a vast industry of cosmetics, diet foods, exercise, pornography and power, and yet when they got together with other men, contrary to popular belief, they never talked about women. They talked about jobs, money and sport.
Something was very wrong with civilisation, and it wasn’t the destruction of the Amazon rainforest or the ozone layer, the death of the panda, cigarettes, carcinogenic foodstuffs or prison conditions, as the newspapers would have it.
It was precisely the thing she was working with: sex."
Do you agree?
The Fifth Mountain
For Free!
Join The Virtual Exhibition
Warrior of the Light
To receive the newsletter by mail, fill the following form
Experimental Witch
See the selected videos
Experimental Witch Winners
Previous Editions
Absolutely I agree x
Sorry but i don’t agree with the question. When I was reading Eleven Minutes, (especially this part) i felt like, the thing she was doing was not totally about sex but about her self - satisfaction. She started off as an innocent girl to prostitution, however; she then continued doing this in order to enjoy the life. She says: “I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I’m a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other.” So she has an internal conflict about choosing which woman to be. And if we say that she is working about sex it will be wrong because she is not decided because the adventure of life takes her different lifes and experiences. Such as the “sadism” night was a night that changed her life. Also we face the Atonement when she ends up to choose the become a woman of a family life. She says about sex, “because at that moment, and only at that moment, you have allowed yourself to lose control.” She is not living a intense life and not feeling pleasure so high that she NEEDS to have sex. As she also says, it is inevitable at some points, usually when you feel a need of please in life. Finally, in the end of the book it is not hard to realize that the sex scene that she has with Ralf Hart is not for total pleasure but also to meet the real pleasure of life. She doesn’t feel really grateful to her clients at least we don’t see her remembering them but when it comes to love and so to Ralf Heart she starts to feel real pleasure which is worth remembering. So her journey about being a prostitute and not carries him to understand the real pleasure sensed by love.
well i read this book and it is one of my favorites
and i definately agree with the message.
the world revolves around sex
some people get frustated
some obsess
others in love.
and indeed there is something wrong with it
i think is becoming too mechanical.
we are forgetting that the pleausure that we get from it shouldn’t be only few seconds. that pleasure should be more than phisical,but more spiritual. where you wouldn’t only give your body but your soul too.
and like prostitutes many women do not care about their plesure and only think of satisfying their man, and men that do not care about their woman but only themselves.
this should be mutual.
should be sacred
i am someone who enjoys sex, it is one of my biggest passions. and even though i do not have much experience
i have felt enourmous pleasure with it. once i’m in the beautiful act of sex i stop being me i am nothing and everything at the same time. sadly i was deprived of that for a whole year i spent with a person too mechanical for me. but now i have found a beautiful person someone who loves me and i care about.
we don’t have sex. we make true love
I havent read the book yet..
but i agree, but not totally
sex isn’t just what is wrong in the world..
but it is wrong, how many busniness depend literally on selling sex, or the image of it at least.
1) we are all housewife and prostitute whether we sex one man or many
2) when we admit we are sexual being then one man is any man and the sound of one man’s argument can turn us to another.
what ever that argument is.
we will live imperfect for one to be perfect for another -that is marriage and love and Jesus said we Will live as the angels - perfectly,
LOVE
PS he also said ‘turn the other cheek’ only because women are oppressed forever, like God has no mother !
then Jesus should come back as a lady and say
I forgive you - BUT do better next time - is the judgement.
xxxx
I think many people are scared of admitting of what actually sex means to them, and generally its always sex vs love, the housewife vs prostitute etc. i like the passaged because its always the ‘internal conflict’, and that could be only be accepting yourself and being able to tell others this is how i am
I have the feeling that civilization will come full circle again and return, somewhat, to a time where modesty becomes alluring. I don’t mean a false modesty, but really a confidence and knowledge of self that leads to a quiet knowing of who you are.
In general, I think that womankind is further along in this evolution than mankind and we (women) are becoming more verbal about our spirituality and the things we consider valuable. I believe we have been charged with the responsibility for helping men with this. We have the power to heal what is currently wrong with civilization, and I agree that sex is at the basis of what is wrong. Well, at least the obsession with sex and the body being where the damage exists.
Women have the power to comfort and we really do have the power to call the shots, but we have somehow forgotten this. The sad attempt to be the sexy temptress, who out-sleazes her friends on the dance floor and competes for the affections of a man, has to come to end at some point. I mean, how much further can it go? We cannot go much further once we’ve taken off all of our clothes on the fashion runways and in the music videos.
And the sex act, is our physical connection to eachother - male and female. Through sex I think we are all seeking that moment when we can forget the roles we play out there in the world. We are at our most fragile in our nakedness and we all just want to be accepted and loved for who we are - warts and all!
The ultimate utopian goal would be to teach eachother to concentrate more on our sacred contracts and less on our physical selves…to channel some of that sexual energy towards pursuing our passions.
I truly believe that this wholeness will attract partners into our lives who will fulfill our spiritual and sexual needs (whatever they may be) at the same time. Oh, what a wonderful world it would be! hehehe
So, “yes”, I agree.
Mary (from Canada)
oh, p.s. I read 11 Minutes years ago and loved it Thanks Paulo for writing it.
sex, has been systematcally condemned by the so called religions, to keep the masses under a feeling of guilt. Our attitude towards sex is certainly ‘wrong’, less sex but more time and energy spent preoccupied with thoughts of sex. having said that could not agree / understand second last para though !
aditya
Mary Baxter
Absolutely -
xx
I don’t think she was enjoying being a prostitute as someone said above, it happened in her life as a mean to survive. Maybe that was her path and she jumped on it. Having sex with a trillion different people everyday being fun I couldn’t immagine that. Different smells, senses, touches, I think it would feel more like a challenge to be able to put up with it.
How about the orgy sex has turned into? Some people put mouses or insane things in their bodies to enjoy sex, come on. lol
Any extreme is unhealthy in my view.
In the book I think they speak of soulmate sex compared to the 11 min plain experience. Maybe the problem of society lies in people choosing the wrong partners?
but i agree, but not totally
sex isn’t just what is wrong in the world..
but it is wrong, how many busniness depend literally on selling sex, or the image of it at least.
So Fantazi, is your link ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ selling sex in a bottle?
Love
Something was very wrong with civilisation,…
It was precisely the thing she was working with: sex.”
Well i agree in a certain way that sexuality is a main problem in this world.
Although i also feel that “integration” is a very important word in this world.
It’s not sex on its own which is the problem its the way we go along with it.
If we do not fulfil our desires they will dominate in our lives because we try to control or
suppress them.
In a way we get agressive because our energy isn’t flowing like it has to,…freely.
We live in untruth with our hearts
and our thoughts and words will become an extension of our desires which will due us to act like it…instead of freedom,
destrucion appears and will takes ourselves away.
I do believe that sex can bring us a sacred orgasm and that it isn’t the problem, it is us who need to integrate every desire into our life with the necessary knowledge of our inner being which speaks from the heart and acts like it.
Then sex will be heavenly.
Love
Hildegarde
I think that sex without love is a problem in society today. Media makes it look as if promiscuous sex is so glamorous. I was shopping for clothes with my six year old daughter and I noticed how all of the clothes available were miniaturized versions of the clothes “they” market to women. The pants were low cut and the shirt tops as well, as if there is some sort of appeal in the sexuality of a child. Media is pushing this image on females of all ages and the push is increasingly younger girls.
I can’t say that every encounter I’ve had with sex has been associated with love, but I know the best experiences have been.
Jeremy: Nice comment, especially about the clothes for your daughter.
hi everyone, if the passage is true, wouldn’t it be a terrible thing for people with low sex drives? inclinations? my mother once told me, it’s good to be a little sexual you know, (or sth like that). but i can’t help what i feel and don’t feel. so there.
am i the exception to the rule, or the exception that proves the rule?
Well I read Eleven Minutes as a part of my research synopsis. Though it was a bit unconventional in the beginning yet it offered a sense of belongingness….How many of us have not felt like Maria at times? The world does revolve around those 11 minutes but that is not all about it…it is only when such moments are coupled with a need for love and security that it acquires its true meaning…..
I do agree with the message - the notion of sex has got terribly distorted over the years of civilization. To make things even worse, ‘nothing sells like sex’. It adds a marketable nuance to sex and it penetrates our lives through all forms of communication and media.
Sex is one of the most innate human instincts but a big difference lies in the fast that it is totally hidden from the outisde world. You may say - ‘Gosh, I am starving, need to grab a bite soon’ - to express your hunger, but you surely would not say likewise when you badly need sex. Moreover, it is not as easily available as your favourite burger with all the quality you expect as it is advertised to be. This is a kind of socially imposed prohibition, a notion that forbids you from discussing sex casually and at par with discussing other instincts. Hypocrisy at its best - you cannot talk about the most marketed entity.
O que está errado no mundo é a visão que as pessoas vendem do sexo.
Sexo não precisa de ser um acto carnal.
Sexo é conversa, é um olhar, é um riso mais alto num café, é um suspiro, é um respirar no peito de outra pessoa. Cada pequena coisa tem a sua quota parte.
E como já disseram, cada um tem o seu quê de dona de casa e prostituta. Felizmente. Da mesma forma que temos outras mil mulheres dentro de nós.
Já agora, apresentei esse seu livro há dois anos numa aula de Língua Portuguesa. A minha professora estava com um pouco de medo da apresentação, pois sou um pouco tímida ao falar para outras pessoas e tinha escolhido um livro com um tema bastante forte.
Amei o livro. Espero não o ter deixado ficar mal.
We keep denying our human nature: the simple nature of being part of nature.
Why these constant (and futile) efforts of building up a distance between ourselves and nature, I ask myself. In doing that, we merely bring the lessons upon us. But, perhaps that is precisely why.
We were once divided for Love’s sake and when the One started realizing the endless potential of Nothing, it initiated the creation of a wonderful diversity. At the same time, it established our long and difficult journey back towards equilibrium and the peace of the original nothingness.
Millions of years of evolution lie ahead, as far as we can tell. There is yet ample time to understand our role in it all.
Há uma passagem de um poema de Alvaro de Campos(heterónimo de Fernando Pessoa) chamado Lisbon revisited (1923):
“(…)Queriam-me casado, fútil, quotidiano e tributável?
Queriam-me o contrário disto, o contrário de qualquer coisa?
Se eu fosse outra pessoa, fazia-lhes, a todos, a vontade.
Assim, como sou, tenham paciência!
Vão para o diabo sem mim,
Ou deixem-me ir sozinho para o diabo!
Para que havemos de ir juntos?(…)”
Quando coexiste-se em sociedade, existe uma tendência a perdermos a nossa individualidade, a mergulharmos no anonimato, a ser mais um, vestidos do mesmo modo, pensarmos do mesmo modo, a não sair do que foi convencionado pelos demais.
O sexo (comprado ou não) eleva-nos a um plano superior, devolve-nos a humanidade ,porque somos nós o alvo da atençao,porque é muito mais que uma simples relaçao comercial, nesses 11 minutos, vivemos a vida que sabemos que deveriamos ter, o contacto fisico, real com um outro humano, nao somos meros fantasmas, pelo menos para aquela pessoa existimos, mesmo que ela tenha apenas interesse economico.
Não é o sexo que está mal, é a falta dele.
quando falo em sexo, falo no sexo nao como causa, mas sim como efeito( de um amor, de uma paixao, de uma amizade), ele nao é o fim, é apenas um meio para atingir o fim, e o fim é o não estar só.
The answer is no.
It’s not sex it’s us - human beeings.
There’s something wrong with us probably because we’re not perfect. We are never satisfied with whatever our lives brings, whether it’s sex or a job or anything else, at least not for long.
It’s in our nature to be subversive.
We have a tendency to get bored with whatever we get in touch: things, people, situations.
In order for us to be excited we like things to change.
Hello Paulo,
here is Monika from Saarbrücken, the new kid on the blog.
I will write some short comment about that theme:
I need the awareness of being alive very much - especially since I lost my health and don’t know how long it will take, that I will able to feel so good as for the moment (I told you about my situation in a former email, when I was “ringing your doorbell” for the first time - do you remember???).
The feeling of being totally alive keeps me go on running and fighting and not giving up.
Having sex, I have this feeling! So I don’t want to miss these 11 minutes (or better more) at all!
Best wishes
Monika
HI new kid on the block ! nice to see you !!!
i too agree with you, I too don’t want to miss those 11 minutes.
In fact Paulo has started a right debate ! we must accept and be at ease with our own sexuality. In sex we come closest to being egoless, we feel close to god, if one can maintain awareness in those momnets ! for moments thoughts stop ! mind becomes just a intrument of perception ! a mirror
In fact one of the greatest mystics of our times Osho has written a book “from sex to superconsiousness” in which he takes a dig at the hypocracy in our attitude towards sex. as per him one needs to go beyond sex, but that going beyond happens not by skirting the issue, but getting into it and remaining aware !
agnieszka ! stop being worried about being perfect ! at any given moment, at any present moment whatever is, is perfect, otherwise it won’t be. do u think any of His creations are anything less than perfect ! if u drop comparisions everything is perfcet, but perfection is dynamic, not dead and static.
aditya
I want to add one thought to 11 minutes:
I think often womens opinion about men is too hard.
It is not so at all, that most men are not interested in womens feelings and her sexual satisfaction. The problem is, that men and women often don’t talk free about their sexual wishes. I know a lot of women complaining their sexual relationship, but they are unable to tell their partner what they like.
I think, there is merely a man, who is told or better shown by a women, what makes her really happy, that replies “I’m not interseted in your sexual reaction or your orgasm, I only want to have my own pleasure.” Men are not so bad - but how could they guess what a women likes, when nobody ever shows them.
In the book 11 minutes is the same problem with Heidi. She is unlucky, but did she ever talk about it with her husband? No, she is complaining together with other women.
Even after having a positive sexual experience with a writer (Do you happen to know this great lover? Does he have a model in real life? Can it be, that he is a little bit vain? - Big smile!), she does not a thing to change her situation.
Don’t worry, Paulo, I like this book very much! It is very erotic. I gave it also to my husband - he likes it too.
I have no idea if sex actually happens in just “Eleven Minutes”. But the novel confirmed that there is a universal need and craving for belongingness, warmth, and love…
Dear Paulo,
what do you as a man think of my opinion? I’m very curious of you reply!
Hi Aditya, nice to meet you
it’s Agnieszka
Who worries about being perfect???
All I wanted to say is that it’s not sex it’s us.
There’s something wrong with us. And it’s OK
as long as nobody’s hurt.
SMILE PLEASE
THANK YOU
The primary experience of sex is never deeper than on the physical level, and those who stop there never attain the whole experience of sex. sex should be accepted as natural thing in life.. sex can become a sin or brings us to the highest peak of consciousness.
sex can be joined with meditation. sex without meditation can only reproduce children, sex with meditation can give a new birth, a new human being
love
:-)
11 minutes only ??????
I totally agree, yes something is very wrong in here.
I don’t know if I agree on that it is precisely sex,
because I always connect it with “love” and deeper seeking of contact.
I would rather say that what is missed is that contact. If you start to speak to a stranger today on the busstop, they look at you as if you are crazy…
It’s not sex that is the problem,
it’s a sort of individual loneliness,
where we don’t dare to share
our true selves with each other anymore.
When men got together with other men, and do not talk about women, but about jobs, money and sport…this is not as wrong as the fact that these same men don’t even want to talk to themselves about women. It is amazing how we can force our brains to forget everything we are resisting to remember. Resisting meaning - we are afraid of what women feel, we don’t understand it, we are embarassed if we fail, we just don’t want to deal with…
But let’s not blame men for all…there are many women out there that are equaly conservative and refuse to open themselves for everything sex is.
I am a single woman, and while searching for the man to share my life with, I am not afraid to share some of my nights with men along the way. Because no matter how much we would like to separte in words the act of ‘having sex’ from ‘making love’, i.e. ‘making love’ being the pretty word saved for that ’special one’, it is all the same game if two sexually mature people are into it. No matter how arongant men act, I do believe they feel the love I’m offering, even for a night.
I don’t advocate for random, irresponsible sexual encounters, but when I get that feeling that I can give someone some love, I do it with pleasure and receive immense pleasure in return. It is a profound epxerience as no other, as spiritual as it could possible get. Then ‘tension’ disapears and ‘relaxation’ fills you withe the shared sensual energy.
Paulo, thanks for this amazing book!
I don’t know, as i haven’t read the book as yet and this in teurn, could make the difference in rsponse to the quote:
“‘I’m the one who should feel ashamed for being unable to arouse them, but, no, they always blame themselves.’
Why would she feel ashamed for not being unable to fulfill the other party’s pleasure?
Why would they always blame themselves for not being aroused?
Maybe because they both are human beings, who is aware of their unconsciousness?
I haven’t read the book but the subject is something close to my heart at the moment. I think the situation I am in is relevant so I will recount it here.
My partner wants me to have fun sexually with other people - mainly because he wants to I think. I like the idea but can’t help feeling it will hurt our relationship. And why does he need this closeness from someone else? I worry that I am not giving him something he needs.
As for me, being urged into the situation has opened me up sexually but it has also thrown up a thorny issue. I am now obsessed with a man who is married but wants to have fun with me. His wife doesnt know. We are unable to talk much but we obviously have a connection. He is confused about how he feels about me and how that fits in his life.
I cant help thinking have we ended up with the wrong people or are we missing something. Surely we cant all be so disillusioned that we need to run off elsewhere.
And what if I end up with my lover? Will I find myself in the same situation in a few years?
On my part - I dont really need the sex, just the attention. My partner gives me attention but I dont want it from him anymore - as an earlier reply stated - is is just boredom? Or is it the fault of our society - who revere the physical side of sex but largely ignore the spiritual?
And as for spiritual love - I desperately crave it but I cant express it. So maybe the problem is with me - if I expressed this then the truth would show itself.
Paulo - you are an inspiration to me. I find your words cleave my thoughts but the above has me foxed. Maybe I should read the book!
I don’t think the problem is with sex. The problem is with people’s attitude towards sex.
Sex is meant for one general purpose and that’s procreation. It’s suppose to be enjoyable between two people who care about and are committed to each other. Best enjoyed when two people can be vulnerable to one another in a safe and loving relationship.
Because the act is pleasurable to us it is easy for the media to use it as a selling tool. Think about it, when you want convince someone to do anything you have to show them how they will benefit, what they will get out of it, etc.
For example, a beautiful woman/man speaking sensually about a deodorant spray on a television commercial, this triggers your brain to think, “Wow that’s nice… Now I’m aroused, I really like the way he/she sounds, I wonder what the deodorant is like!” Even if your repulsed or embarassed by the sexual inuendo you will still remember the commercial, because the commercial made you react.
The problem isn’t with sex, its with how careless we have become in our view of it.
yes, there is something wrong with sex :
- we are disconnected from the Source -
Marie-christine
It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and Something or Someone?? got me thinking about this special moments like sex, love.
Long time ago when I was a kid I heard this song by Demmis Roussos- greek singer: “forever and ever”- in this song there is this passage -
“TAKE ME FAR BEYOND IMAGINATION” which I love and
who wouldn’t??
I think we love to experience these extraordinary moments even if they are as simple as a smile, or tears or helping somebody or even snow outside your window. We feel uplifted, enchanted.
I have this feeling that these moments, these special, incredible, fantastic, not from this world moments making us feel closer to GOD
and we could never have enough of them.
They’re like dreams but we have to wake up -
sooner or later.
So maybe there’s nothing wrong with us, maybe we just constantly looking, waiting for Him/Her to touch us, to love us.
love & lust - they are so related yet so separate, when lust is love is not,when love is lust is not. had lust not been, heights of love may not have been. love is giving, lust is taking. today I came across the following couplet about lust and love by Rumi - thought would share with fellow wols, even though it may be just obliquely related here
Bu just: confess
In love is ample righteousness;
The fault lies in
Thyself, that thou art prone to sin.
If thou dost claim
For human lust Love’s holy name,
Then know, and prove
The way is far from lust to Love.
Ènsâf bedeh ke èshq nikôkâr ást,
Zân-ást khelal ke tab’ bad kerdâr ást.
Tô shahvat-e khish râ laqab èshq nahai,
Áz shahvat tâ èshq rah besyâr ást.
Eu acho que ela escolheu viver a profissão e descartou o amor, a união e até mesmo o próprio sexo e o prazer.
O sexo é troca de energia, seja de que forma for o prazer que o casal encontre. Mas tem que haver afinidade, amor, cumplicidade porque é isso que gera a satisfação.
A venda do sexo por sexo, assim descartável, acho que não traz momentos de satisfação.
Cada qual tem sua escolha e ela optou por isso.
beijos,
Mari Raphael.
Dearest Paulo and friends
Having sex, the actual act is emphesized so much because it is so pleasurable. An orgasm itself creates such a realise of energy that you feel a calmness deep inside of you- a moment of peace and maybe even God. Also in that moment of climax, you feel completely connected to the person you with- whether they are a stranger or aomeone you’ve known for years. Somehow or another that experience brings you closer togehter, not on a physical or mental level, but something far deeper, that only our souls know of in that moment. I’ve been thinking of this for a few days and i don’t feel that sex is wrong or human beings for that matter. I feel that people often use this as an escape from their lives so that they are able to experience some sort of pleasure. You never know what someone is going through, and it is so often that they turn to activies like this just to feel good, even it is for a moment. We must also remember that the way the world is today, so many things are sexually orientated. It just tempts people to do things.
Making love to someone on the other hand is something completely different. It is something that affects us on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level for it is an expression of who we are. its not about those 11 minutes in making love, its the hours of build up, the climax and the cuddling after. When you are with the person you love, its never 11 minutes, its everything, from the moment you smiled and said hello, til the moment you smiled and fell of sleep. When you make love with someone- it is the height of your relationship and it something that should not be rushed into.
Thank you for being
Lots of love
Yajna
no i dont think anything is wrong with sex … i feel things are wrong with us … sex is a pure manifestation of a need for silence …….we feel the intense pleasure in that orgasm of few seconds so strongly …thta we become slaves of it … sometimes as a giver sometimes as a taker ….. and it is so because we let our nothingness and our silence guide us in an act of love making but if only we could let our nothingness and silence be with us in every walk of life then i am sure that every karma that we do would have orgasm not for mere seconds but for eternity and then there would be no place for words like sex and prostitution in any of our consciousness …
no estoy mucho de acuerdo porque personalmente me preocupa mucho la destruccion del amazonas o el problema de la capa de ozono ambos son problemas muy grandes y el sexo(personalmente) no es un problema, se supone que deberia ser el regalo mas hermoso que Dios nos dio, porque tiene que ver mucho con el amor,pero lastimosamente mucha gente piensa de manera equivocada sobre el sexo.
aproposito yo si lei el libro y me parecio muy lindo!!