Men’s rules of engagement…

By Paulo Coelho

I am going to spend the next two weeks on the road, but this blog will continue to be updated, comments and friends approved. However, for any personal message, please put “Personal” in the subject, and I will read/answer when I return.

You probably remember a blog posted some months ago, “Why women love men”, written by one of my friends, Julia (she is now in the top friends for a while). That lead to other posts on the same subject. Today I am listing here Men’s rules for a relationship. I am not the author, I just compiled them from lists in internet.

But I must confess: I agree with many of them. For example, I never understood why women need so many shoes!

Let’s go to the list. Seeing you soon, love

Paulo

IF YOU WANT US TO LIVE IN PEACE WITH YOU…

1- Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then we are stuck with her.

2- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5- We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

6- Women who claim they ‘love to watch sports’ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the hability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers. You may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

7- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t do it!

8- Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

9- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

10- If you think you are fat, don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.

11- On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

12- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is for your girlfriends. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

13- If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

14- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

15- If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem—you didn’t see nothing.

16- Please check the oil. Please don’t forget to put some gasoline. You also can do these simple things, so none of us will be stuck on the road.

17- Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

18- Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as soccer teams, the offside rule, investments or cars.

19- Pretend that you don’t know we dye our hair.

20- Gadgets are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

21- When we say “I love you” we really mean it. Because we know the danger on pronouncing these three magical words – they will lead us to a lasting relationship.

22- Threfore, for this relationship to last, please read these rules again!

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Comments

  1. today says:

    20- I got one yesterday
    21 ??

  2. Silvia says:

    Most of them are true..but in general..is just about how selfish are some mens. Of course I am sure that women act in the same selfish way.

  3. Magda says:

    Great stuff. Direct and down to earth. I love you men ;)

  4. Luz Cooper says:

    I think these rules are correct, and are like the truth smacking you right on the face. If any woman here does not see that, then she lives in a bubble and has problems in relationships… BTW, Lucrecia if you don’t believe these rules are not only hilarious, but true, honey you need a reality check!
    In readin these rules, I could totally see my husband described in each one of them.
    I also want to clarify that even though I agree with ALL of these rules, it does not mean I follow them all the time. Especially, Yes and No are no perfect answers to every question!

  5. anki says:

    instead of so much blabbing i suggest one should read Men are from Mars and Women from Venus…It will completely solve our problem…Women and Men are like two different poles of a magnet..But opposites attract isnt it..?
    We are supposed to complete each other and not compete with each…

  6. S says:

    This list only proves that men are weird! yes they are a weird specious. Thank god for our kind!!

  7. Carmen says:

    I think these are fun rules. But if we obey them, men will become annoyed and suspicious, because it is not feminine of us to be as these rules say and exchange us for an irritating nagging drama queen, who is just the opposite.

    1. Lucrecia says:

      no they are stupid. shall i make a little list for men concering their relations with the female sexe?
      1. do not nother us with lousy lists of male habits – we do not like them.
      2. do not neglect or patronize us when we enjoy our shoe-fetish
      3. do not say nothing about the fat-issue
      4. et c.

  8. Lucrecia says:

    this is really a disgusting piece of work mr coelho. why don’t you stick to your desk writing novels about life, fate, brujas, and mystic stuff. this really sucks. i by the way hate football on tv.

    1. Daisy says:

      Lucrecia, If you read Mr Coelho’s note before the list, you would have read the part that says, he is NOT the author.

  9. jenny says:

    i think men with those rules are cruel…and men should always think that women are always sensitive and they always need an affection.

    (in my opinion)

    1. Bob says:

      Jenny I just read this and believe this applies to all men! As a gay man, I am willing to bet a weeks pay that you are not in a relationship, but, if you are, it is not a happy one! I have been with one for 21 years!!! ;)

    2. Lucrecia says:

      waht a crap reaction thank you very much

    3. Liz says:

      Sorry Lucrecia:

      I have to agree with Bob – I’m straight – married 34 years – 2 sons, 3 brothers. I found the list funny, and oh so true – the basis of any good comedy, it’s based on reality.

  10. Antonia says:

    1 – need a wig
    3- same applies
    5 – must be the exception to the rule
    8- obviously have never heard of the Imelda Marcos’ male version
    17 – definitively not
    19 – really? is that the “blue rinse”?
    20- Inspector “Gadget” we all have one of those

    Have a look at the Astronomy Picture of the Day into the archives of Nasa – in the shadow of Saturn – if you have not look at it yet It was yesterday’s picture – awesome -

  11. Rania says:

    You silly women. Who gave you the right to think you have more brains than us men? We men understand you women perfectly – we pretend not to, because that is what you expect of us. We ARE different than you. Live with it. ACCEPT it. Then maybe we, both sexes, can finally live together in harmony. It is so tiring for us men having to live with you lot constantly trying to prove yourselves, especially to each other. We love you. Now get on with life and live free!

  12. melanny says:

    however, its was fun reading all these things.

  13. melanny says:

    rules are meant to be broken.

  14. Joe says:

    Aja- You say that (they won’t take the time to understand us any better!) like understanding you is possible! No, we won’t understand you if we “just take the time to do it.” Time is not a factor here. You are an enigma, un-understandable, impossible, and wonderful. I think these are less rules and more like simply little factoids: this is the way it is. Rules can be changed, but the truth is that none of this is available for discussion. They just are. Not all of them are mine, but they all ring true. Accepting them simply un-complicates things.

  15. T says:

    Aja, well said.

  16. Aja says:

    I love these, they are great, very true…and ladies we might as well try to understand them a little better… especially because they won’t take the time to understand us any better!

  17. aileen clemente says:

    oh gosh! some may be true… and some are so so.. rules are rules…

  18. Patricia says:

    Rules by the way.

  19. Patricia says:

    These tules are the most absurd thing I have ever read.