By Paulo Coelho
‘When you look at your companions, try to see yourself,’ said the Japanese teacher Okakura Kakuso.
‘But isn’t that an awfully selfish attitude?’ asked a disciple. ‘If we are always concerned about ourselves, we will never see the good things that others have to offer.’
‘If only we did always see the good things in others,’ replied Kakuso. ‘But the truth is that when we look at another person, we are only looking for defects. We try to discover his wicked side because we want him to be worse than us. We never forgive him when he hurts us because we do not believe that we would ever be forgiven. We manage to wound him with harsh words, declaring that we are telling the truth, when all we are doing is trying to hide it from ourselves. We pretend that we are important so that no one else will see how fragile we are. That is why whenever you judge your brother, be aware that you are the one who is on trial.’
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I use to only see the good in others. Then I discovered how naive I’d been. I think it’s always best to be weary of others intentions so you don’t end up getting hurt.:)
What most people do is criticising others…I really hate that..I can say that i try not to judge others, because i know i am not perfect..if someone would say “all of those who are not perfect raise your hand”, i would be the first…i know i have defects..and many many faults..but when they harm me..when they wound me with their sword of words it is difficult to transform this evil energy to a good one…so difficult..i really need some help at that point..because i am so fragile…if anyone can help or give an advice ,it is so welcome..
Love to all of you
There’s this saying:
“do not do anything to others that you wouldn’t want them do to you”
This could easily apply to judging, saying bad things, forgiving, etc..
If you don’t want to be judged, do not judge, if you want to be forgiven, forgive.
I’ve read something intriguing and scary at the same time:
“for every one person you gossip about, three people are talking about you.”
:-(
Who would want that?
Giving love, we open our hearts to love.
Giving smile, we light up our face with smile.
:-)
same thing with negative thoughts…
love
Agnieszka
Dear Paulo
If the pupils are of the type mysterious man it is a very good procedure to teach them understanding themselves.
Dearest Paulo and Friends
Wow.. Intensely written, but very truthfull said. I don’t think i can say more- just that this really got to me.
Thank you for being
Yajna
Dear Paulo and friends,
This message moved me deeply. It’s ok to be wary of others’ intention, but not too wary. Or you’ll miss out on so much joy in life.
There have been very few people that have really affected me in a negative way. This doesn’t mean that I don’t get frustrated or annoyed by people often. It happens almost everyday. One thing I struggle with is patient. I don’t have much patience for pettiness and mediocrity, but for the most part the effect other people have of me is temporary and it doesn’t really have any permanent effect in my life. But in a couple of times it did affect me, probably because I was dealing with a boss, someone that could really effect my career and my future. I realized after the facts that those people’s intentions may have been to harm me, but I’m stronger than that. I was able to get out of the situation not only unharmed but in an even better position. But the lesson is why did these men entered into my life. I have found the answer. They were there to teach me something about myself. Something positive and something negative. On the negative side the trait that I hated most in them I found in myself, and seeing myself in this mirror I was able to work on that. On the positive side I learned that I’m stronger than I thought. I can’t change others, but I can change my attitude towards others, and ultimately change myself. If I stayed mad or stayed feeling victimized, they win and I’m left feeling powerless. If I turn the situation into a positive I win, I gain back my power. For my ex-boss I wished him no harm. I prayed he would leave his position and not do the same to anyone else I worked with and my prayers came true. A year after I transferred to a new department where I feel much happier, he retired.
Words are swords. Regardless we light around striving not to judge. Or not judging at all.
Words have also been being a way thanks to which humans could say, what displeases to themselves, their family, their place… They did not always use wise ones. That is not an example to follow, anyway.
Some words can hurt, but they are here to put us forward on the path. They can be like a candle, spite their inflexibility.
Maybe I sometimes mess judging with rectifying. Our vision is subjective, ultimately…
By now, music, words and images are the language I use. I love the Planet and Life, so I can’t really see, where I could be not in trial with.
It happens that I judge certain persons, cause they are not, and they should be.
The most possible, I’m able to quiet down my inner rebellion outside of me. But it’s still here inside. I know I owe it to the persons I judge, ofently. Gratitude is for them also. Or Alas, I don’t really know.
Somedays I don’t thank them. Those days, I’m up to right their shoulder strapes up, as a parent would do.
Forgive: I don’t know if I did forgive people that did me harm, or if I fool with myself.
But I definitively wish Peace. And the best for all.
<3
Dear Annie,
I know that feeling, I know how much it hurts when people say stingy words, I know because I have moments like that myself.
And you know what, it’s not going to change, because people did that, do that, and will do that.
What we can change it is our attitude.
I myself hurt less and less the more often it happens.
Why? Maybe I am getting immune to that?
Maybe.
But there’s more…
If you try to let it go, when it happens, to not hold it inside too long, to not keep it in your head, just..try to tell yourself that God is watching, that God is here with you,
cry for a moment or two and then forgive, and….forget. I know it is hard, and I know it will happen again, and I also know that you nor I will not change 100%, because we’re simply sensitive people, but…..
you can, yes you can, with the help of this inner peace everybody has inside, with the help of this love that comes from God, and also knowing, that you’re not the only one, you….will get stronger with time.
I do believe that, because I am.
And also try also not to depend on others,
try to be yourself, because you are an amazing person, who having this love inside, has……the love of God and that’s the most powerful tool of all!
I wish you lots of strength!!!
And remember that sun always shines after the thunderstorm.
:-)
sending you love
Agnieszka
I know we are all mirrors - that means the person I called a dickhead the other day is really me LOL oh well I suppose we know how to take our selves better than anyone else so I am ok with that ..lol Seriously yes everything is a reflection of some sort . Blessings Tania
every companion pictures a part of our soul
Dear Agnieszka, i cant thank you enough for your reply, for all these words that gave me and give me courage in a difficult time i havethese days..these last few days were like hell in my house (i dont call it home because it isnt for me).When i read your reply i couldnt not cry..the tears that watered my face finally washed away allthe pain i felt and then i felt like a breeze camethrough the window and caressed me with love..your love…
Thank you..really thank you..
Yes, the sun shines :)i can see the beam..:)
Often the personality traits that irritate or annoy us about other people if we really reflect back and with full honesty to ourselves, we’ll find we possess them as well. In a sense people come into our life sometimes in a positive way, and other times in a very negative way, but always to teach us something about ourselves, if we are open to the lessons.
On a different note also relating to the message, people always want to find fault in you when they can’t rise to your level. Prejudice is a form of self preservation. You have a pre-judgment regarding different “types” of people, because you fear that if you allow yourself to see every individual with an open mind and with no expectations of what the outcome would be you are leaving yourself open and vulnerable. That may be true. I’m not saying trust everyone, I’m saying trust yourself and your instincts.
When I walk into a room for the first time, without knowing anything about it’s history, I try to imagine all the experiences that the room has endured.
Likewise when I am standing opposite to someone, whether or not we enter into conversation, I try to imagine a little of their background, or try to understand through their facial expressions, what they are feeling.
We should never take anything for granted. Nothing, absolutely nothing is how we imagine it may be.
Nobody can possibly know what you might be feeling at any given point, for example when standing opposite you in a tram or a train, or wherever.
So be open to all eventualities and possibilities, you never know what wonderful surprises are awaiting.
Oh and one very important thing, just imagine….don’t pre-judge ;-)
This really hit home with me.
I treat my mom like crap all the time and have recently become aware (with the help of one of Paulo’s books) that when I criticize her, I am really trying to convince myself that I am not like her. When in fact, I am EXACTLY like her.
It is a very difficult thing not to do. But it has helped me very much just being aware of it. Now to put a stop to my critical attitude!
Dear Annie,
“it is difficult to transform this evil energy to a good one…”
As you I find it difficult to transform it. So I don’t.
But is it the point? Why wanting to change the energy of others in good one, if it hurts? Isn’t it a non-sense?
Maybe it is to transform our own bad energy into good, to deserve one shield. To become a master of our reactions, baffling the other’s weapon.
Love
Oh dear Annie,
You are so…welcome,
It is so nice to hear that you’re better…
remember..
whenether you need it, just say a word..
I’m here…
lots of love
Agnieszka
Dear Wanbliska, it is because this bad energy comes back to me and harms me..and if i respond badly i harm myself..if i make it intoa good one then i will not take inside me all this evil and feel free..
Of course Annie, I smile. I read you wanted to change other’s feeling.
When we’re on the edge of anger, or such bad sensation, just let’s remember, the Whole is about to feel it.
At this time, noone but ourselves could chenge Its dominion.
Love U
Strange, yet true.
If only we can easily apply to our lives….