Conversation with The Master – Sex

By Paulo Coelho

(Here I have transcribed some notes on conversations with J. between 1982 and 1990)

– Why has sex become a taboo?
– Because it is a process of alchemy: it transforms a vast manifestation of spiritual energy, which is love, into a physical gesture.
“It is imposible to understand sex as we see it nowadays – a mere response to a few physical stimuli. In reality, it is far more than that, and carries with it man’s and humanity’s entire cultural burden. Each time we face a new experience, we bring with us all past experiences – both good and bad – as well as those concepts which civilization has made into rules.
“This is not right, and we must recondition the brain so that each sexual experience is unique, just as each loving experience is unique.”
– Very difficult.
– Very. But one must try, because almost all human beings need to keep this energy in movement. So, the first thing one must understand is that it is made up of two extremes, which walk side-by-side during the entire act: relaxation and tension.
“How can one set these opposite states in harmony? There is only one way: through giving oneself completely. How does one give oneself? By forgetting the traumas of the past, and by not forming expectations about the future – in other words, the orgasm. How can one do this? Very simply: by not being afraid to err.
“In reality, what usually happens is that we begin a sexual relationship thinking that everything might go wrong. But even if it did, what importance would that have? One must merely be conscious of the fact that one must give one’s best, and any wrongs immediately are put right.
“Once the search for pleasure is being carried out by giving oneself, with sincerity, one senses the body becoming tense, like the string of an archer’s bow, while the mind becomes more and more relaxed, like the arrow being made ready to be fired. The brain no longer governs the process, which begins to be guided by the heart. And the heart uses the five senses to show itself to the other.
– The five senses?
– Touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste, all of them are involved. Oddly enough, in most sexual relations, people try using only touch and sight: acting thus, they diminish the fullness of the experience.
– Do both partners need to know all this?
– If one partner gives himself completely, he breaks down the barriers of the other, however strong they may be. Because the act of giving means: “I trust you”. The other, who to begin with may feel rather intimidated, wanting to prove things which aren’t even under discussion, is unarmed by the spontaneity of such an attitude, and relaxes. At that moment, true sexual energy comes into play.
“And this energy is not only present in those parts we call “erotic”. It spreads throughout the entire body, into each strand of hair and expanse of skin. Each millimeter is now shining a different light, which is recognized by the other body, and which combines with the other.
“When this happens, we enter a sort of ancestral ritual, which is an opportunity for transformation. All rituals, in whatever form, demand that one be ready to allow oneself to be led to another perception of the world. It is this will which lends the ritual meaning.”
– Isn’t all this rather complicated?
– It is far more complicated to have the sex one sees being carried out nowadays, a mere mechanical act, causing tension during the act, and emptiness afterwards. Everything spiritual manifests itself visually, everything which is visual turns into spiritual energy, I don’t think this is so difficult to grasp. After all, we are born knowing we have a body and a soul: why not understand that sex also has them?”

(continued tomorrow)

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  1. the miracle of life says:

    “Everything spiritual manifests itself visually;everything which is visual turns into spiritual energy.” THank you that’s what I thought.

  2. Konya says:

    Hımm thanks you

  3. soha says:

    The best way i can comment on the Master’s insights is by rereading Coelho’s Eleven Minutes!

  4. bharat mehta. says:

    Hello master,
    The statement are so greate and almost full expression of the soul of what I call civilization. It is not merely about sex experience, but about interpreting sex experience in philosophic terms and it indicate, if not explicitly, but certainly implicitly, the vision of life, life of intellectual men against animal world. I already have mentioned, that I am goint to write philosophic meaning shivling, and here is the meaning, which I seek to express in differet words or differet formula, but meaning is this, this one, without second.

    bharat mehta.

  5. wanbliska says:


    Sex is a bridge to the whole.
    The best medicine on Earth.

    But I noted that we share more than bodies, when we have sex with someone. Maybe that’s why I can make it with the first man that coming. It’s not rare to meet the person that makes you feel warm inside at the first second.

    But, sometimes, after having sex with a man, my body keeps his odour for a very long time. Perspiration, perfume, etc. And sometimes, my sex keeps the smell of sperm for I can sense it 6 months later. Not everyday, I assure tou. :)
    All that to say, that there’s an alchemy, yes. And it could be bad to have sex in certain conditions of alcohol and drugs, and not really knowing the person.

    Sometimes, I met persons with who sex was not so… oh! And because of shyness more than untruthness, nothing magical happened. Also, because at that time, heart was elsewhere.

    Nevertheless, in love Being is the key. So, truth.

    Thanks Master- Sex.

    Don’t let your heart waits. You have to act, to know. It it’s no, it’s no, but don’t stay without doing a thing to know.
    Don’t let your heart dies, cause it’s what happens to It, when it focuses on one thing, with no caress.
    Or love somebody else. A lot are awaiting to give.

    Love to all of you.
    And, have sex! :)

  6. Sibila Maria India says:

    Dear Paulo,

    Thank you for sharing these words full of life-force and beauty with us.

  7. Karen says:

    Trust is key:)

  8. wanbliska says:

    I made a mistake, that quote goes to the question of the week. Flí»te!

  9. Tania says:

    Very Interesting ! – there is more to sex then most people realize ,most people just go through the motions , like life I guess too, rituals ,trust and knowledge are needed to help us grow ,learn and be transformed mentally ,physically and spiritually and sexually too..Being open to new things takes total trust on both sides , in all forms …
    like being on the same page , we must be willing to be led to new perceptions ..the more meaning it has the more we take it in ..

    Blessings Tania

  10. Agnieszka says:

    Yes.. it is the… energy that is hidden inside every one of us.
    It holds the key to these…unexplained sparks that happen between two people.
    This energy emanates every little truth, every secret about the person, every little detail of someone’s soul. It shows this…aura that can either attract someone or not,
    …and then comes this acceptance, this confidence one has it or not.
    Only if you accept yourself the way you are, you can open yourself enough to be free of any negative thoughts, any fears,
    ..only if you are not afraid to let go…the door to this secret places…opens.
    Everything… joy, pleasure, happiness, love, is inside us…waiting to awake, if we only…let it.


  11. Very beautiful post Paulo and very true indeed..

    I invite you and your readers to leave comments on a similar post of mine in my blog please; it’s called ” The Cry of Aphrodite” and here is the link:

    Please read the poem that comes in the attached video to the post :)