So this week was in the the newspapers the story the girl who committed suicide because she was pushed to do this by a grown up woman who asked her to do this via Myspace. The girl committed suicide and this story make us think twice about the social communities : how far can we go? What shall we do in order to allow these social communities to connect people instead of separating them? Please give me your opinion on this issue.
Here’s a fragment of this story (Reuteurs)
Woman cleared of felonies in MySpace suicide case
(…)
Drew and others created the fake MySpace persona of a 16-year-old boy to woo Meier for several weeks, then abruptly ended the relationship and said the world would be better off without her. Meier hanged herself in October 2006, just hours after she had read those final messages.
(…)
This was a really sad story and reflects how far removed we have become in our communications with people in “real” ways
[Reply]
You can’t prevent bullies in any society or communal group. But the thing is, on the Internet, it’s easier to actually do something about it. You’re inside a system - use that to your advantage.
[Reply]
Paulo infelizmente nada pode ser feito, podemos tentar porem se teremos algumas mudancas/melhoras.????? Nunca sabemos quem esta do outro lado do teclado nunca sabemos quais sao as verdadeiras intencoes com a Internet a maldade e a bondade chegam rapidinho nos lares é ai que entra a familia que é ao meu ver o mais importante na vida de um ser humano, a morte dessa garota mostra que a maldade foi mais forte e que os pais falharam a sociedade falhou.
[Reply]
Its such a shame about the girl who commited suicide. Bullying has always gone on in schools since time began and now it just moves with the time. I don’t think you can ever stop it.
[Reply]
Cyber relationships are here to stay.Just like in the real world, where there are bound to be sadists and bullies, they are bound to exist in the cyber world too.
What has happened is indeed unfortunate.
But it also makes me think that if this girl was strong enough, if she had a loving relationship with friends, parents and other people who REALLY cared, then her sense of self worth would not have come from this one relationship which she cultivated online.
I feel deeply grieved by what has happened–but cannot help thinking that if someone had really listened to her and been there for her, perhaps it might have been prevented.
[Reply]
Internet and online communities are relatively new, therefore one may not always fully appreciate their effects. While it serves to connect people across great distances, it also limits our interaction and perceptions. People simply become photos or profiles and false illusions are created. We can never be sure to whom we’re talking to. This is very unhealthy.
What people like the girl need is more interaction with themselves and the outside world, and learning how to recognise both for what they really are.
Cheers to all
[Reply]
This is a complex subject… The behavior of people changes when interacting in the Internet given the nature of the veil of the cyber self. Would such have occurred in the tangible social world? Highly unlikely. I’m having a hard time right now conceptualizing the why behind why people tend to be destructive and detrimental to others in the Internet. I have to admit I myself have participated in this. There’s something about being invulnerable, anonymous, unaccountable, that brings out the worst in a lot of people in the Internet, regardless of age, soc. background, ect… Blogs, chat rooms, even the comments on youtube, my perception is that most people tend to participate in a negative, apathetic manner. Why people are like that ? Why was I like that ? I guess it could be a wish to confront, appear to be better, smarter, more correct than the other people in a forum. The ego, false self, thrives and goes wild in the cyber universe. Non-anonymous environments (myspace facebook) are much different, I find that these virtual worlds tend to maintain a big chunk of the essence of social interactions, mainly due to accountability because the identity remains, and thus remain much more friendly without the usual Internet banter. Now, bullying takes place in these cyber environments regardless of lack of anonymity, but, usually the bullying is done by people that are sadists, pedantic, manipulative already, not the more “balanced” mainstream… Teens are the ones who are most vulnerable, although psychologically unstable adults are also prone and at danger from cyber abuse. Now Paulo, your question about how can we bring people together online is very challenging. Its almost like asking how can we have more people donate to world hunger causes… In other words, its difficult to change cyber behavior because in a sense it is innate and intrinsic, and very immutable to an external force of change. If it is hard to reverse a bully in the “real world”, changing one in the cyber world is much more difficult because odds are the bully won’t cooperate, unless there isn’t some sort of “reward” for the bully into modifying behavior. I would focus more on the victims, say creating specific “healthy” cyber zones, or groups within existing ones… These could benefit from some sort of constant effort, “maintenance”, follow up, by individuals be they employed by sites or volunteers (call them the anti-bullies). Maybe they can keep an eye out for negative influences, be proactively friendly, and keeping tabs on those that are suicide prone. Things need to keep interesting, fun… Activities, social cyber events, games, etc… There’s a lot of ways we can get creative in order to reduce overall suicide rates if we provide healthy cyber environments for users to use as therapy. Not all parents have the tools to keep out an eye on their kids, as we can clearly see in a lot of teen suicide cases; so it is important that they too participate in the cyber environment with their kids, and receive useful information and 1on1 counseling support to better cope with their kids. In other words, there are two possibilities to prevent bullying, either we have healthy environments that look out for their users, or the users themselves become effective warriors of light within these environments to provide support to those that need it. Quijote se equivocó un poco al decir “Para todo hay remedio, si no es para la muerte.” En este caso si hay remedio para la muerte precoz. -Y
[Reply]
No matter where you are, you can express love and compassion to people around you. It is not your job to make decisions for anyone but yourself. If you believe you cannot force anyone to behave in a certain way, then you also believe you cannot prevent someone from making a particular choice. However, you can choose to show empathy, to be understanding and treat people with respect. Treat people as you would like to be treated. Encourage and uplift people for who they are.
[Reply]
There is a good article on “Energetic synthesis” on Marina of light’s site. http://www.marinasmasters.com/nieuw/index.html
Click onto channeling.
[Reply]
Paulo, eu conheci na sua comunidade do Orkut, que tem a Cris Carvalho como moderadora e dona, uma moça muito simpática, Pilar, pela qual eu sou fascinado. Ela é de uma elegancia tão discreta, que eu não diria que ela tem apenas Classe, e diria que ela faz parte de uma espécie de “Superclasse”. Tenho tentado entrar em contato com ela por essa comunidade social, o orkut, e apesar de que eu não cometeria suicídio por não conseguir conhece-la pessoalmente, certamente mudaria a minha vida para melhor se eu pudesse conhece-la. Respondendo sua questão, acredito que deveríamos ter algum mecanismo o qual preservasse a segurança das pessoas com relação a pessoas de má fé que tentassem se aproveitar de alguma situação, deixando que as boas intencionadas, assim como eu com relação a Pilar, pudessem se conhecer. Tendo isso realizado, acredito que o infinito seria o limite, até aonde poderíamos ir. 00:00 agora no brasil,
Abraços grandes e tudo de bom!
[Reply]
If I ran a red light, I am responsible for paying a ticket. If anyone uses, or obviously abuses this new means of communication, they should be punished by some sort of monetary or prison punishment. We are not obviously not going to stop all of the wrong doing, however, hurt them where it hurts, wallet and freedom. And use the same funds towards catching those intentions are to hurt others. Just my thoughts. myspace.com/rosiefelix
[Reply]
what if this was the girl’s “destiny”? what if she was meant to do that?
“bad” and “good” live close to each other and they will ever be like that. Without “bad” there isn’t “good”. YOU CHOOSE WITCH ONE YOU WANT.
What we need to do is tell our kids what is right and what is wrong.
Show them the bright side. The problem might be : Had the girl’s parents instruted her? Where they presents in her life? Had the girl had enough love at home?
[Reply]
Many people who frequent the Internet have low self-esteem.
[Reply]
Muchas de las personas que frecuentan el internet tienen poca autoestima.
[Reply]
There is a very good article by Noel Huntley on his site “Beyond duality” Recent articles “A scientific basis to bad language”.
Please check his site on;
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~noelh/
[Reply]
The evil lives among us normal people and we should be careful whom we spend time with and open ourselves to. This I think people and mostly young people have forgotten in their daily lives. And of course the evil people who does this should be punished by the law, if there is justice. Open your eyes to see with and then “get up stand up don´t give up the fight”. We can all make a difference, to fight in our own special way, because we are all special, aren´t you and aren´t we. What I want to say is that there is good and there is evil. A priest once told me that there is evil everywhere aswell in the church, which would explain the evil priests who makes sexual abuses on children.
Tina from Sweden
[Reply]
Unfortunately not everyone grows up with a sense of security and good confidence. Some people are shy, unsociable and they rely on the internet for protection from their fears. They keep on getting in this vicious circle of suffering as if they liked it. I know lots of people that have relationships online and I can’t seem to understand being able to fall in love with someone you’ve never touched and sometimes even seen. Just like you take care of yourself when you date someone in person you have to take precautions online as well. There are a lot of bullies out there and they enjoy causing pain to others for the sake of a good laugh, unfortunately some people are very weak, it is sad but one must be prepared as much online as well as in person. You can’t just trust anyone, there is no honest person in this world, that does not excist.
[Reply]
The brain has the power to cure or to kill, no just to one self but to others too.
No matter what means of communication we are using,the problem is not on the media, but on the person that is using it (Like a Gun).
Controlling the media, takes away our freedom.
We must be at par with everything that is happening in life to be prepared, to defend ourselves from the unexpected (not even a butterfly can relax her wings for too long, without being eaten alive by ants, if she is not careful enough to fly away on time).
It is an utopia to think, that we live in heaven and that we can totally relax and rely in all human beings and their goodness.
Because of this we must protect at all times our loves ones from all sorts of predators that comes in all sort of shapes and forms, from the most traditional way of face to face human interaction, To the most technological and advance ones (internet, mind power used to harm like, Hateful thoughts, witchcraft, black magic, and so many other that may or may not exist. But why take a chance in this world of infinite possibilities?
Life live defensively as if you where driving your car, you shorten the chances of something like this happening to you. You will know when to react.
Antonio F Kaik
Tampa, Florida
[Reply]
Actionwork is a U.K. based organization dedicated to developing and promoting anti-bullying strategies among the youth. They create both films and theatrical productions aimed at educating young people on how to avoid and deal with bullying. They also work on sensitization - in other words, teaching young people that their words and actions can have lasting detrimental consequences in the lives of others. As well as doing much work in the schools, they also hold a year Anti-bullying Conference, sponsor workshops and courses in anti-bullying, and help to promote anti-bullying week (which in 2008 was 17-21 November). They also do international tours across Europe, Asia and Africa. I think this might be a good resource for anyone who feels that they are being bullied. It would also be a good idea for all teachers and people who work with youth to become aware of this organization and perhaps obtain information and training from them. See link:
http://www.actionwork.com/
[Reply]
cyberspace is more virtual than the virtual ‘real’ world, controlling it is tad more difficult.
how can we prevent bullying in cyberspace. just like we try and do it in ‘real’ world, by having laws which ensuer that if anyone has interacted with anyone else with malafide intentions, law will catch up.
having said this - let it also be understood, till there are humans there will be bullies and those who are bullied. Events like suicide are something which need to be prevented. maybe paulo u can write a book which depicts a person’s ( soul’s) journey after death, maybe u can show that whatever pain a person wants to escape from by killing oneself, is precsisely the pain that stays with te person till finally some kindred soul comes along and helps this one out.
nothing u do will be able to prevent crimes, other than ….. changing humanity from within, chnaging it’s value system, making meditation, silence, loving expereinces, part of education for all.
to answer your question paulo - in the short run , laws should be extended to cyberspace. why was the women let off?
love
adity
[Reply]
Esto es sinceramente increíble me doy cuenta de que el mundo jamás va a cambiar, e leído los comentarios de todos y me doy cuenta que todos nos creemos dignos de juzgar y de dar ideas de cómo erradicar a los corazones enfermos de todo. Por que es más fácil ¿no? Ah! Pero nos creemos guerreros y de los buenos cuando solo en realidad lo único que nos interesa es quedar ante un espacio de blog como los tristes y bueno y que es aberrante esto. Antes de entender que esto va mas allá de la tecnología de que antes de que existiera este tipo de contactos las personas terminaban con sus vidas igual que la maldad no la invento la computadora ¡ya! Existía preferimos hacer un simple comentario y dar mínimas soluciones antes de reflexionar que el problema es mas profundo y mas comprometido…¿de que nos sirve a todos juzgar a esa pobre enferma que hostigó a que esa niña se mate?…¡será que si no existieran corazones tan enfermos como esos no encontraríamos la forma de escudarnos y de utilizarlorlos como para sentirnos mas buenos? será que siempre tiene que haber alguien mas malo para que podamos jactarnos de buenos, ¿será que no nos vamos a dar cuenta nunca!? Será..Que en vez de pensar como excluir de este mundo a todas estas personar que usan la maldad podamos ayudarlas a revertir esta situación, curemos a los corazones enfermos no somos nosotros quien lo debe castigar o juzgar, esta es mi forma de ver las cosas pido disculpa si en algún momento con mis palabras ofendo a la familia de la niña, pero quien hizo esto también es una persona y quiero lograr entender por que lo hizo,..QUIERO ENTENDER LA RAIZ DE LA MALDAD, SOLO ASI SABRE LO QUE ES REALMENTE BUENO.
[Reply]
Boa noite Paulo, meu comentário não tem nada haver com o texto, mas é que estou aflita para fazer uma pergunta: Comecei a ler O Mago, e em certo capítulo é citado que você frequentemente visualiza o número 11, olha para relógio quando são 11:11….enfim, voce tem conhecimento do Portal 11:11? Existe um livro de autoria da Solara, que fala a respeito! Grande beijo da sua fã, Hare
[Reply]
Hola Señor Paulo Coelhooo!!
[Reply]
I agree with many who have said that community is important.
Also, that teenagers are most vulnerable, the intellectual maturity vs. the emotional immaturity. It has even been expressed as a form of ‘insanity’!
It must be the family and the extended community that provides a safe context for the young to experiment, find an understanding of who they are in the world.
My own experience with my daughters was difficult but they survived. One of the things that I believe helped was that we loved them despite our shortcomings as parents.
The girl who hanged herself must not have had that context or have been able to connect to that context.
The young man who committed suicide while others watched, and he was not the first, likewise was unconnected.
Which brings me to another point: the degree to which technology abstracts us from ‘reality’.
I remember Thomas Pyncho’s title character in the novel “V” who piece by piece replaced parts of her body with prosthesis. That, I think is what is happening in the modern world as we devote more and more attention to communication appliances than to in-person communication and relationship.
I have talked to parents who bemoan the fact that their children are so busy texting one another instead of actually talking to someone. I went to an openair concert, stood at the back and saw a sea of lit up cellphones as people were texting others about where they were and what was going on.
We are getting abstracted from experience, from the ‘real world’. I think that increases the alienation from one another as well as what the world experience should be. We become removed from nature and get enmeshed in a world of thought and abstraction where our innate proclivities become magnified, both good and bad. There is little to reference outside of the ‘cyber-experience’ and it becomes all consuming and compelling, that ‘internet addiction’ referred to.
I think that a community of real people, real relationships is the only antidote to not only this problem, but nearly every problem we face in this changing world.
For example, to get off topic, there is no community between the American auto industry executives and the auto workers. I suspect that the salaries of the auto executives would probably pay the wages of most all those laid off due to the failure of the auto companies to compete. It is the auto executives who should be penalized for their failure but it is the auto workers who suffer.
If there were any kind of community there, everyone would pull together, share the burden, share the wealth and prosper as a whole.
Same with this internet thing. If our children, and ourselves, become so enmeshed in the internet that we neglect real, live relationships, we become so isolated and vulnerable that the negative has greater power to destroy. Look at the cyber sex adultry divorces. I think it is the same thing. Ok, there is no ’sex’ over the internet per se, but there is that compelling something else that might as well be betrayal and adultery simply by the time, energy, emotion and devotion to that internet thing over a real relationship.
So, love the children, and love one another in the real world, in a real way that makes a difference, has an impact.
I believe someone somewhere said that there are really only 2 commandments: to love God and to love one another.
[Reply]
This new type of technology needs to be moderated. This could be an opportunity for someone to start a non-profit organization devoted to scanning blogs and social networking sites to prevent these type of tragedies
[Reply]
This is really sad I think however that young people are more vunrable I blog already for a 1 1/2 years and when a bully comes on one of my friends blogs all blogging friends back the atteacked person up. Having said that it is often not enough because one stopped and one went private because of it. I’ve put comment moderation on so when rubbish comes in I just press the delete button
[Reply]
Indeed it is said that the possibilities of communication on the web brings out the best and worst in people.
The anonymyty invites people those that feel alone in their daily lives to connect, aswel as those whom think that what they say and do will go unnoticed. It seems we have lost sense of boundaries that are usually in place. I count myself blessed that i ve managed to connect to people i can trust, but there are those that are for some reason get entangled in games people play.
People are vulnerable to such things, whom seem to have difficulty to stand up for them.
Still watching the story of ryan on you tube whom committed suicide after being bullied on the net, i did also notice that this turned out to be a blessing in disguise after i watched his father taking the stand in front of children in schools to make people aware.
We learn that in this cyber world where there seem to be no rules and boundaries for people who think they can go unnoticed of what they cause there is a need for us to be vigilante.
So in this perspective ryans life has meaning even now.
Of course one could also wonder why and how people get entangled in such games, what makes ryan vulnerable to such a point thathe rather takes his own life instead of seeking help and stand up against his bullies.
Heavenly greetings from Boomfriend Ruerd
[Reply]
What an interesting question Paulo, I hope you don’t mind me putting my three bobs in.
I thought Cyber Space is our normal state of being, science fiction stuff you know. Centuries ago, in my time, we used to call it “Day dreaming”. I guess, I go along with the time and endorse the word “Cyber Space” Lets call a ” Spade a Spade” in the new vocabulary.
Now, Rio shares are down, the price of eggs,slightly on the increase.
As for the prices of fruit and vegetables it is going absolutely rampant, You have to feel sorry for the pensioners - it’s going to be a very lean Xmas this year - all they ‘ll be eating are rodents and cardboard boxes by the look of it - That is exactly what I mean by Cyber Space, Xmas is the period where people “go totally blind”, willy nilly with whatever the big corporations are putting in front of them, they’ve got to buy it, buy , buy , buy. Big profits are in sight….
I am happy to report that on the Arch things are going along nicely, the pigs are thriving , they are so intelligent. We have started the Xmas Carols sing-a-long. It is going to be a hit. Such beautiful melodies. I hope you’ll all join us.
I’ll like to have an update, Paulo, if you could, how are the numbers going? Have they increased, enrolments at the gates are growing, I’m pretty sure we must be hitting the jackpot any minute from now.
How was it in Avignon?
Yours in the Arch
[Reply]
With globalisation and as a result the influence the cyberspace has on us, it is, in my opinion, inevitable and undesirable to keep individuals away from interacting with. It enriches our knowledge and diversifies our thought. However, it also has its downsides. The suicidal of this girl represents a sad loss for those around her and portrays a downside of cyberspace. It is therefore vital to promote a healthy interaction in the cyberspace by transmitting positive thoughts and be objective enough to recognise those which might jeopardise us as individuals.
[Reply]
Through education.
[Reply]
Prezado Paulo,
Como já foi dito acima em alguns comentários, concordo que a internet é uma uma “grande cidade”, com seus encantos e também com seus perigos. Crianças e adolescentes devem ser monitorados pelos pais sobre o conteúdo que visitam na internet. Além disso, acho que novas leis devem ser criadas para se evitar crimes. Até bem pouco tempo atrás, eu não acreditava que existia pessoas más, mas infelizmente essa é a verdade e não dá para se tampar o sol com a peneira. Práticas como a do Brasil que regulamentou a lei contra a pedofilia, é um exemplo de como a internet pode ser perigosa e como tb podemos ir atrás de bandidos e não deixá-los impunes.
Adoro vc!
[Reply]
Ola! Na minha opiniao nao creio que o problema sejam as mas comunidades na web;e sim a falta da estrutura pisicologica da menina que se suicidou.Ela fez isso;pq estava profundamente perdida e angustiada;e nao pq alquem mandou.E como fazer uma casa mal feita ;e depois que ela cair;colocar a culpa no vento.O caso nao e evitar o vento;e sim; contruir uma cada que seja forte ao vento.Desde qdo existe o homem;existe a dor e o sofrimento.Na web existem coisas positivas tb;como este espaço.
Abraço!
[Reply]
2 weeks ago,a boy from florida had written on a blog he would commit suicide online.
The page had about 1500 viewers.
The boy took sleepingtablets and went to sleep.
The camera recorded him being asleep.
At first people thought it was a hoax, but when people went online in the morning again at 6AM,the boy was still laying there in the same position he was from 11Pm last night.
someone from the blog called the cops, and after a search the cops entered the house and found the boy dead at 3PM.
Overdose on sleeping tablets.
Shocking news, but on the news this week even!
[Reply]
Na minha humilde opinião,não existe uma forma de acabarmos com a expressão física da maldade,depressão,mágoa e solidão humana.Ela se apresenta com os meios que tem,e atualmente,a internet é um deles.
O que podemos fazer é equilibrar a balança emitindo sempre um amor maior,um amor ao próximo,um amor consciente de si mesmo e do outro…entendermos esse outro,e pedir a Deus que nos ilumine com as palavras ou o silêncio certo,para que sejamos instrumentos da Sua Luz.Ouso dizer que a Centelha Divina está presente mesmo nessas tragédias,e a nossa compaixão e vontade de “fazer alguma coisa para mudar isso”é um exemplo vivo disso.Sempre haverão batalhas,mas sempre haverão guerreiros dispostos a enfrentá-las.
Nem preciso dizer o quanto admiro o seu trabalho.
Luz!
[Reply]
There are no easy answers to this,
as little as in life without internet.
I was bullied for years… spontaneously I
believe there are far more girls and boys who
commit suicide because they are bullied in
school than over internet or in a cybercommunity.
Also commit suicide because of unanswered love or
broken relationships.
I don’t believe in separation - look where it has
brought us today! It is ridiculos how silent the
metro-wagon can be during the ride - it is full of
people and noone says one word to the other.
I believe in the contrary, more conversations, more
contacts - this girl committed suicide - not mainly
because of that fake message, but because she had too
little contacts! with grown-ups and friends who could have supported her when she felt bad.
No - what really is dangerous are the groups and pages on internet who actively supports suicides and who encourages young people to take the step.
That sort of pages should be treated the same way as with pages and groups who share child-pornography - no mercy.
So I do find it strange that these people, that woman did not have to take any responsibility for what she did.(?)
If you notice there is speculative or negative gossipping going on, don’t take part in it - or even better - take a clear stand against it. the world needs more courageous persons.
[Reply]
Hi Paulo and Everyone,
This is a difficult question to answer.
First let me explain a little about where I am coming from. As a child I was bullied whilst at an expensive boarding school and as an adult I was also bullied (in a sense) whilst a member of an “on line” discussion group. These have left me with on the one hand an increased belief in my self and on the other great doubts about my value.
Most of the time I place the focus on self belief but I do oscillate.
In a sense on line communities act as the mirrors in which we can see society as a whole. There are both wholesome and less wholesome behaviours.
Because of my age I am not really in tune with, for want of a better expression, the youth of today. What is to me most marked is the instantaneous nature of electronic communication. What might seem like fun and a gentle tease to some can be experienced as deeply wounding by others. The audiences on line can be vast and there simply is just no way of knowing who might be reading the words we choose to put there.
In a very real sense even this Blog is a real live and interacting community and subject to all the interpersonal dynamics one encounters in “real” life. It has a mood of its own and could very easily turn one way or another; from hope to despair or from sadness to joy.
I am very sympathetic with Paul’s comment about moderation specifically in the context of something that has such a large audience as does your Blog. I would add the caveat of not taking it too far else we have the “Nanny state” as many of us here in the UK are experiencing; it is a balancing act.
The younger generation live in this instantaneous world of texts, Blogs and social networking. I used to tease students about their generation having the fastest thumbs ever; able to “bash off” a text message in seconds, whilst it takes me quite some time.
Often times little or no thought was made to the consequence of the message.
There is a fine line between censorship, moderation and healthy debate.
It does come down to the breakdown in how families interact. It is so easy for parents to let junior sit in front of the telly and play on the computer rather than interact and play with the children. So in a sense we adults have perhaps become a little lazy. Rather than providing a fun and secure (with boundaries) environment we hand them a Nintendo DS. These alternate worlds have no boundaries and reality becomes a little blurred; what happens in cyberspace becoming more important than in the home.
On another level this escape into the web, is symptomatic of a more general searching; a searching for some sense of belonging and of unity. In the West there is such a breakdown in community that there is a need and it can be fulfilled to an extent via the keyboard.
As a teenager growing up under the influence of Punk and Reggae, I would see any attempt at moderation as “Babylon System” trying to impose on me and this would encourage me to rebel further. We have to be reasonably vigilant and all we can do is to ask our children about their lives. We cannot force them. Using myself as an example, even to this day my parents do not know of the extent of my unhappiness whilst at boarding school and, even if they had asked, I would have changed the subject because after all “boys don’t cry!”, do they?
So what can we do? In the context of a large audience Blog yes we can moderate and that moderation should be carried out by someone who is not a participating part of the community. As they get drawn into the inter-personal dynamics, and they will, they need to be changed from time to time. In the context here, where people are sharing so freely it is very difficult to remain detached and un-touched as an on line family speaks often so beautifully and full of emotion.
In the context of our home lives we can share a little more of our own lives with our children so that the pull of community is personal rather than electronic. And we can love.
None of us really know how to be parents. We just make it up as we go along.
Coming back to the issue of separation; this cleavage in the world and polarisation is to do with the innate sense of mankind as being separate both from each other and the universe. It is egotism at work. However there is evidence HERE that the will-to-good and the ideal of brotherhood and mutual support has not died and is alive and well. It is also international and reaches across religious, racial and gender “boundaries”.
Thus we are setting an example of how to make an on line community function for good. So we can continue as an example for others.
With all my best wishes,
Alan
[Reply]
Over all,I am grown up.Thought strong,balanced.But I feel sometime something as a sort of addidtion to my online friends.I feel little scared.I cut relations sometime.and I noticed the person left without my support keep haress me for long time after,and with all means .I have presented my self as I am,and I am not perfect.I try to keep distances,but too many seem more attracted by that.I think net has become a possible problem,but we might use solutions as for other problems.A lot of respect,for others as well for ourself.A real life,appart.Trying to live life doing things,not only imagining .I love nature,I visit relatives,walk in park,read books,go to work,to faculty,I mean I cant stay and wait only my online friends approval.I feel fine even alone.But I know is very important that children,young people being protected.I feel so sorry for the poor girl,and I was horrified when I thought what would think poor girl if she might see who was the person she talked to,for whom she died……….
[Reply]
I think it’s very important to keep the predators at bay. It’s a really sad thing that someone would want to hurt someone in this way. These communities can be destructive to people. I don’t know how you monitor these effectively while preserving a free internet. I still think that so much of this depends on parents taking care of their children and creating a loving environment. This can go a long way to preserving the health of children.
[Reply]
After commenting on this post yesterday I spoke with a councellor who has worked with depressed and suicidal youth. I also spoke with my 19 year old daughter. Bullying is part of the real world, the mobile phone world as well as the cyber world. Policing bullying is difficult, not only because of its vastness, but also because kids being bullied tend to fear speaking out. They often feel different and ostracised. My daughter and councellor said some interesting things (on my blog, if interested). The most essential I think is the importance of developing a healthy self esteem.
[Reply]
I have read only a few comments here
but have this to say
yes
safeguards are few
yes
there should be more moderation of sites
yes
children should be monitored by parents and actively encouraged to talk about online activities
but
one day
while surfing with my child on internet
we came across BBC site which required an email and log-in name etc
so to protect my child, who doesn’t have email address, i entered my own and entered my own date of birth
then came the box to say I was too old for that site !!
but one click
and we entered the site
so
what I am saying is
they tried to be safe”"
but did not succeed
blah blah
Libh
xxxx
[Reply]
Children from our times (generation “Y”) have to deal with lot more dangers and dangerous information in their youth then my “X” generation. I am sure that many parents have noticed allready that kids today learn (or has to learn) faster and better a huge volume of advanced information, more ways to communicate to each other, so that their “mental” part of personality is forced to get mature before the “emotions” part (the emotions selfcontrol).
I can see that in our own secondary and high schools: kids know too many for their age and cannot manage that successfully all the time, because their emotions needs more time to get mature and to adjuste to the today requirements. And today is no time anylonger. It is speed time…They are forced to evoluate faster then normal (not because it is about the “next generation” and I am so already old now (33)but it is the cyberspace (it is like a different planet…Do you agree with me?)
Our own personality develops in time and simultaneously on more different psychological levels, and it happens many times (even for myself I can assure you)that, for example, a teenager to have the intelligence of a 26-year old person and emotions of a 12-year old one. Usually intelligence develops before emotions, so the logic solutions and logic ideas can be considerated sometimes by teenagers to be: “the message of my heart”. Or if you come to them with unattackable logic explanations that “explain” them how much you care about them and love them, you can convince some of them to do things you want.
All teenagers have inferiority complexes, they neglect the emotions voice and the natural selfprotection instinct(which are considered by them to be childish stuff). Usually they don’t like to be stopped to do what they want to do.They are curious,they search and, as all of us did, they consider that they discovered allready the world and the truth. Many have suicidal ideas. And many need to find support in some communities, especially on-line ones, where they can have any identity they like and any age they like.
I think the informatic sistem entered our world with all its weapons too early, to suddently. This is an industry, a reach one. My best friend fiance is a totaly PC games addicted. And he’s about 30-year old. Do you certainely know those games that function as a second reality and you have a certain role, i.e to protect other 4 guys, if not they would die…And you have to wake up in the middle of the night because there is a fight in that game and you MUST be there to protect your team. serious staff here…Believe me, his personal life is ruined, he cannot start a family, have a child. My best friend even entered special forums to ask for help and she has read about mothers that play that game for days and nights and totally neglect their kids…
What cand we do? Difficult to say. If internet access would be more expensive with some “untachable” prices, perhaps our kids will get just books,football,ballet, movies, as before arriving “internet”.Or to propose a law that certain kind of websites to offer access only for certain prices and only to people of a certain age (like selling cigarettes for adults only).
I am looking at my laptop: it’s like an electronic book, a living book. Dangerous for kids. It is like in Harry Potter and the scarring living books from their garded school library.
[Reply]
Can you prevent cyber-bulling?I do not think you can prevent it as anyone can have access in the internet.You can’t control them but if you are a parent you must be very attentive with your children because they are not mature enough to protect themselves or to judge what kind of people they meet in the internet and as we see there can be really serious consequences..But we should not only protect our children but ourselves too.Internet is useful but we shouldn’t forget our life in the real world and we shouldn’t trust anything or anyone we see in the internet because we can’t be sure about them.
Love
Lia
[Reply]
Dear Paulo,
Thank you from the heart for bringing up this subject.
Children and teenagers are so vulnerable and we as parents should be able to protect them.
I was brought up with the saying: Sticks and stones will break my bones and words will never hurt me. Maybe it worked like a protection mantra for me, but it does not always work for words can kill – may they be written or spoken.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE5yINOn4N4&feature=related#
I found the following statistics concerning cyber bullying – they are based on a survey taken in 2004. I believe that today it must be much worse.
42% of kids have been bullied while online. 1 in 4 have had it happen more than once.
35% of kids have been threatened online. Nearly 1 in 5 have had it happen more than once.
21% of kids have received mean or threatening e-mail or other messages.
58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than 4 out of 10 say it has happened more than once.
53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person online. More than 1 in 3 have done it more than once.
58% have not told their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened to them online.
Based on 2004 i-SAFE survey of 1,500 students grades 4-8
With kindness and deep concern,
Satora
[Reply]
Hello Paulo…..the first thing that comes to mind is how the internet can be just the perfect place for the bully, the coward…it is dark here, I cant look back into your eyes..but the bully hiding in the dark can see the effect his/her bullying is having by the way I or whoever reacts. People might think and ask how can you be bullied by someone you cant see and dont know. But as so many positive and beautiful emotions are evoked here so are sadder and negative ones. A friend of mine complained to me how he has so many women coming on to him on the net it was beginning to bother him..he didnt know what to do..So I checked out his space…the answer to him was easy for me. he was giving out the wrong signals to vulnerable women looking for love. There are so many lonely people on here looking for friendship it is easy for the bully to get to them. How do we stop it or help prevent it is a hard question. In the case of younger children up to late teens I really think the parents have to take responsibility and talk more with their children, be more aware of what is going on in their lives and how they are feeling…let them enjoy the good things on the net like you would in real time but warn them also of the dangers. With young children parents must be vigilant and in a gentle way supervise what they are looking at. Life is moving very past, both parents working, children often left to their own devices…they must be protected and I think it has to start with parents.
For older people it is more difficult. The only help we can give is if we see someone is being bullied to step in and write a stiff note to the bully..
Back in the summer I was visiting a sport web site where people were supposed to be commenting on a tennis tournament…instead they were using foul language and racially abusing both other writers and tennis players. So I put up my comment telling them it was for sport comments, which they just ignored….so I reported them. The server promised to look into it…But sadly it still exists….so in this case there should be a watchdog on servers…
It is such a vast area it is difficult to police, but I think if everyone sees something going on that they feel is wrong…speak up…with love Angela (Starlight -my space)
[Reply]
What makes a sentence so much more powerful to some (to the extent that they take their life) and yet others can simply shrug it away?
It is the power behind the words, which strike as if a knife had cut deep into the wounds of a troubled and sensitive soul, and can be the turn of the knife that can sever that persons will to live.
The feeling of not being loved or of having no self worth does not come from someone saying one sentence, it comes from a whole range of behaviours from various people that have been in encountered.
I would suggest that the lady who conceived this idea (if that is true), probably suffered herself from bullying in some form in the past, and whoever abused her probably was abused themselves. Abuse is a continuous cycle and its disease is endemic in our society.
To remove it, we all need to look deeply into our hearts to see the mistakes that others have made on our lives and then remove its poisonous residue so that it stops spreading.
I hope that MySpace will encourage a more nurturing approach, maybe making it easier and more user friendly for kids especially to contact somebody supportive. The realisation that they are supported and definitely not alone could, I believe, make all the difference.
I also hope that this little girl’s death will not have been in vain, and that Society will have learnt a very painful lesson.
[Reply]
It is a horror when someone extends ones hand looking for comfort in any way imagined.People look down into cliffs perhaps thinking they will be taken up by a hero/angel on the way down. We come across these people everyday and it is these same people who are in cyber space as they walk among us,we are they.The worst predator is the psychological one,that kills twice. I suspect the young woman wanted to leave the world before her psychological cyber predator came to her. This is a crime of a ghostly nature, but not a new one. While the internet community has a responsibility to keep an eye open for abuses such as influence, it will be difficult to control every individual. Much like it is hard to control things on the street. Best way I think, smile at your neighbor, engage in conversation with people off and online.If you see something not right, don’t hesitate to take action. In the history of the world we have a wonderful tool that connects minds and ideas. Don’t be afraid to appear foolish for speaking up and taking responsibility online. We can’t fix everything in the world,but we can at least start by stretching a hand to those who cross our paths needing help and speaking out on the web to those with unscrupulous agendas.
[Reply]
When I grew up a boy hanged himself because his girlfriend broke up. This was before cyberspace and Internet. If there had been parents or other grownups present when young people needed them, lifes could be saved.
What scares me is that it seems like this grownup woman delibritly harmed this girl. What kind of human does these things?
[Reply]
Oh…it is soooooooo scarry!!! I’m already frightened! I can’t believe someone will do something like this! It is horrible!
I don’t know how we can stop these thinks to happen; honestly…It depends on the person’s morality, isn’t it? The website creator or webmaster he can’t check the personal details of the online’s users! It is impossible! I think that is why some people like the privacy of Internet….’cause sometimes they can stay anonymous! :) Yes, I know…we are shy or we are not comfortable with our own thoughts…and that’s why we don’t know other people to know we is behind that user name…But look what can happen in the END!!!
SO SAD!
Dear Paulo, I can’t believe that this sorry actually happened! I will be more careful in future with what I will say and to whom I will say!! This is what we all should do!!!
Love and all the blessing now, when the Saint Christmas Holiday are approaching slowly, Gabriela
[Reply]