What is the single most important thing you learnt from your childhood?
That in order to avoid suffering one has to be brave, and not to feel as a victim.
Today’s Question by Peter
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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
P.S…and have a Happy New Year!!!
Dear Adina,
From what I have seen you can not convince a person that he made mistakes if he doesn’t want to see it.You just can’t.Whatever you say or do is in vain.Either they don’t hear it or they hear other things.So I am not sure it’s worth trying to explain to your mother your behaviour towards her.Maybe you only get hurt and make yourself angry without a reason.And I sometimes wonder why after so much time some things still hurt me, why I haven’t overcome them yet etc and then I think that maybe I can not heal some wounds, I just have to accept them and move forward, what happened belongs to the past.Don’t punish yourself by accepting a situation you don’t like..Everyone has the right to have air and privacy.
Love,
Lia
Dear Lia,
Thank you for your words. You are right.
I never could manage myself to pass over the bed feelings I still have in my emotional memory, regarding my parents. It is perhaps my mother still live with me, in my place and remembers me how “bad girl I was and still am”. But, even she had her own house, she preffered to stay with me and I couldn’t say: No, as I still respect her. But now I have no freedom of expresion in my own house, no privacy, no air. She still poison me. because I was actually afraid of her and say:NO, just stay in your own nicer house. She still punish me, if you can imagine that, and I am 33. When I try to tell her: look the reality, let’s be serious here, she becomes so evil and then depressed and asks for my pitty.
So, for a while, I have to live with this, accepte it.
(But I used to be free also, without her around me and it is great, God forvie me).
I forgived both my parents. I just have to manage somehow my heart wounds. That’s kind of a hard job for me.
Thank you for your support, Lia.
Hugs,
:)
My dear Adina I think I can undearstand what you are talking about..People who didn’t have such experiences in their lives find very difficult to undearstand that not all people are good parents.And this doesn’t mean that they are necessarily bad people or that they wanted to become bad parents but this can not change what they have done.People don’t always do their best,people make mistakes and I don’t believe we should judge or doom anyone for having made a mistake but I refuse to close my eyes and pretend that nothing happened or believe that someone did his best while he didn’t.I can forgive and I can really appreciate people who are not afraid of admitting they didn’t do everything well but don’t ask me to pretend that nothing happened because I don’t want to do that.I prefer to tell the truth even if it hurts.
Love,
Lia
Well, the situation may be different when not both parents want to be … a parent. And then they rise you just because they have to. And they lye themselves they did a great job with you. And your successes are considered theirs, when you did all the work and sacriffice, and you find “parents” in other people. For me a parent is the one that loves you and respect you. There cannot be love witout respect, and respect without just maybe a little bit of love.
So it is hard to become brave in your childhood when nobody teach you how to be brave and how to feel secure, when mom send you to dad to “negociate” something for her sake, or dad sends you to mom to “negociate” something for himself, and when both of them scream at you, little helpless child: you didn’t negociate enough or well or whatever….job of adults, not of a child…So here I am concelling two frustrated adults, while beeing scared a hell of their reactions, while being just a little girl, totally insecure, totally unsociable child, totally “something is wrong with this kido”…”why is she so sad all the time??”. Daaaaa…..Why?
So, Peter, my parents didn’t do all their best, trust me.
I am still in my childhood for only children are always open to learning. The most important things I learn I find in places I never thought to look or expected to find them. A friend gave me the Alchemist to read – not something I would have chosen.
Our connections are in our diversity from unity not unity in diversity.
Our strenght of mind and bravery of heart grows in sharing relationships.
I listened to a a woman tell of her life story and a dream she realized to walk the road to Santiago. The very ordinary faces you might pass by hide extraordinary beauty.
The road to Santiago is the pilgrim’s long desire
To walk on the ancient footpaths to the lofty spire
A trail of leaser length would not be any sacrifice
If no stumbling stones then none will think twice
Where many saints and sinners have gone in penance
Each with a burden there to meet but not by chance
What thoughts arise on a trip of many solitary miles?
What Truth to you has been revealed in others smiles?
Lesson learned from carrying only what is the need
To give up all pretense and stuff of worldly greed
Many mingle and strange words struggle to unravel
Yet all can share again a universal mass as they travel
So long the trek taken in labored breath up and down
Thirst only quenched by kindly souls in every town
Chairs placed in faith for the faithful there to share
A free will offer from the heart for a stranger’s care
Time to be alone as one foot follows after another
To ponder life’s turns and maybe the loss of a mother
A grief of a little child carried all life long in pain
Remembered now words at a window as love’s refrain
Stories one to another exchanged at the end of day
All speak of seeking renewal on this trodden clay
The journey done and back to the toil of the daily living
Purpose changed to joy in blessing and comfort giving.
Where a soul cries out for deliverance looking for His face
Now gifted to bring solace to the dying by God’s Grace.
Having achieved the desire to give to God his penance due
Now discovered the true pilgrim road lies here and within you.
Indeed we have to be brave to overcome suffering..If we believe we are victims and don’t do something to change it the situation won’t change.
P.S I disagree with dear Paul from Austria..People make mistakes, parents are people so they also make mistakes.Of course everyone deserves forgiveness but I never believed that all the others including my parents know what’s best for me better than I do.I always hear advice by people I love and trust but always in the end I ask myself “what do you think about it?” before taking a decision.I believe it’s very important to hear ourselves too.
Love,
Lia
the importance to be loved when u r a child, to be able to love as a child and to grow up knowing that this important feeling helps u during life to overcome so many mountains ,even if those feelings hurt from time to time, they r still one of my most special memories from my childwood!!!!!!!!! and i feel lucky to know those feelings since 57 years ago!!!
does being brave mean not to suffer ? being victim isn*t the most pleasend feeling i knew,i*m trying hardly not to feel so and at the same time make content the people i love near me…it sure is hard but at the end makes me feel proud of myself ,ahd how pity i waste a lot of time in battles that can be resolved only if we were less selfish
I am not helpless. Even as a child, I was given opportunities to change my life but in order to do so, I had to have the courage to choose a path that seemed daunting. Isn’t this the case with everyone? We are given the means to affect our destiny. There are no victims.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUE2zG3R-hc&feature=related
O mio Babbino caro.
Love,
Thelma
To enjoy the moment in its entirety without seeing its past and future implications,,,, to smile and laugh over simple things in life, to express love ,hate , anger in its pure form,to enjoy and to wonder over a simple revealation of nature and life..
To feel yourself as a victim, is putting your soul in a cage. Then ask yourself, “what is the difference between an eagle in a cage and eagle in the sky?”
Be brave ;-)
If you have been brave, struggled but nothing turns your way should you say “Forgive them they do not know what they are doing”. I think they know what they are doing… Every man and woman has choices to do right or wrong. To think you are the best in this universe is the biggest sin of all, I think! The Almighty God is the almighty. End of this discussion of mine…
Love you all, Tina
One reflection the singlemost important lesson learnt from my childhood I’d say was that Imagination can work as a worst enemy or best friend.
Every time my parents come to visit me, they attempt to apologize for things they did while raising my sister and I.
I quickly reply:
“I am married. I have kids. I know how hard it is. I appreciate what you have done for me”- and I really do.
Things will happen and unfortunately in life there will be suffering at one point or another. What you make with it, it is your own choice. You can become a better, wiser person or you can become bitter.
My goal in life is to use the good and bad experiences and make life better for the ones around me.
Having kids is a humbling experience. You always want to save your kids from suffering, but sometimes just by doing that and being overprotective you can actually cause suffering.
You can’t control what people do to you. You can try to affect people’s lives in a positive way.
I do believe that if love is part of the equation, in the end the result is positive, and this is what really matters.
I learned that a strong woman cries near the window.
“Don’t try to be intelligent when it is enough to be brave” – It’s my belive in this live, brave to let it go that don’t work in your live. Live every day like it was that last in your life. Wake up every morning with a big smile in your face, not matter you’re crossing. Because, feelings not always are the same or connected like your reality, some time we can have all that we want to have or otherwise and feel bad and don’t understand what happen with your feelings. Just let it go, and you will be free, don’t mention any wrong that you went thru live, just let it go. Say thank you, because this live is short and finish this journey, so enjoy every thing that happen in your life, because you have oportunity to live.
Say “No” even if your feeling try to make you life confuse and bad”
Love,
Maria Isabel
that you can only rely on yourself and your intuition and anything else that makes sense to you.
brave=courage,courage to carry on many things in the life,and its so easy for a girl imagine herself as a victim,even the strongest one,I realised it recently,now I still feel that way,but react more quickly to remove those negtive feelings~~so people can see I changed my way,I am not going to let anyone ruin my cake any more~~
That we make magic happen when we come together.
I learned to offer my deeds to God because things not offered to Him are not meritorious. Just like the child Lucia, who offers her deeds for the conversion of sinners, I too do the same. It really gives me the push to do good things in occasions of laziness and temptations.
Why should we offer it up yo Him? Because…
Ut In Omnibus Glorificetur Dei
“That in All Things God May be Glorified”
Province (lyrics)
Suddenly, all your history’s ablaze
Try to breathe, as the world disintegrates
Just like autumn leaves, we’re in for change
Holding tenderly to what remains
And all your memories, are as precious as gold
And all the honey, and the fire which you’ve stole
Have you running through all your red-cheeked days
Shaking loose these souls, from their sacred hiding space
Hold your heart courageously
As we walk into this dark place
Stand steadfast erect and see
That love is the province of the brave
Pushed under this expanse of bursting stars
Let this burning brightly illuminate the where we are
In this hollow that lovers’ voices occupy
Let it follow that we let it free, let it fly
Breaking open the walls of this cage
Intoxicated, Oh so amazed
Much like falcons tumbling from the heights at play
Conjoined, talons engaged
Hold these hearts courageously
As we walk into this dark place
Stand steadfast beside me and see
That love is the province of the brave
My parents gave me lots of love and I was brought up with the freedom to run wild and barefoot accross fields.They taught me how good it is to feel safe and secure,yet gave me the freedom to have adventures.
“Don’t try to be brave when it is enough to be intelligent.”
it’s very difficult to chose one thing,there are many things!!so today i say,i learnt from my parents to stay free to think and also to love the nature,the earth.
Best thoughts.I notice many enjoy to pose as victims,they avoid success.Sometimes environment can influence people,but better if we struggle to get our rights,and life would be deffinitely much better.
That I am more than my parents, their mistakes and even their wisdom. My childhood is where I come from but not where I am headed, no matter how connected the two points may be. I learn from it, but it does not define me.
Bravery is UNDER-Rated. How priceless and valuable it is!
Thanks! But should we also learn something from the experience in order to ‘not feel like a victim’? And what is the mindset necessary to learn that?
Thanks!
The most important thing I learnt from my childhood is that if I don’t do anything for myself, nobody will.
That’s how I stoped waiting from an early age to get “gifts” from others, I was NEVER spoiled, I was NEVER a dady’s and momy’s princess. I had to learn and work really hard for what I am today.
So, this was my main lesson: don’t expect others to do your job. Stand up and do it yourself as it is the best way the job could be done.
Thank mom and dad! (It was too hard and unhuman for a little girl to manage this, but, look, I am still alive…and guess what? Optimistical.
:)
that what true in our heart is true
‘And learn to …forgive and let to God the …judgement!
As Christ said on the Cross, “Forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing”.
LOVE,
Thelma