in the book “The winner stands alone”
1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.
2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).
3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.
4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.
5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.
6] Using Botox.
7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.
8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.
9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.
10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.
11] Thinking that parents are always right.
12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).
12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.
14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.
15] Believing in everything that is printed.
16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck, known by the pompous name “necktie”.
17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.
18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.
19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or that it is worth absolutely nothing.
20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.
21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable.
22] Being convinced that all the famous people have tons of money.
23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.
24] Using all possible means to show that even though you are a normal person, you are infinitely superior to other human beings.
25] In any kind of public transport, never looking straight into the eyes of the other passengers, as this may be taken for attempting to seduce them.
26] When in an elevator, looking straight at the door and pretending you are the only person inside, however crowded it may be.
27] Never laughing out loud in a restaurant, no matter how funny the story is.
28] In the Northern hemisphere, always wearing the clothes that match the season of the year: short sleeves in springtime (however cold it may be) and a woolen jacket in the fall (no matter how warm it is).
29] In the Southern hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with cotton wool, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.
30] As you grow older, thinking you are the wisest man in the world, even though not always do you have enough life experience to know what is wrong.
31] Going to a charity event and thinking that it is enough to put an end to all the social inequalities in the world.
32] Eating three times a day, even when not hungry.
33] Believing that the others are always better at everything: they are better-looking, more resourceful, richer and more intelligent. Since it’s very risky to venture beyond your own limits, it’s better to do nothing.
34] Using the car as a way to feel powerful and in control of the world.
35] Using foul language in traffic.
36] Thinking that everything your child does wrong is the fault of the company he or she is keeping.
37] Marrying the first person who offers a position in society. Love can wait.
38] Always saying “I tried”, even though you haven’t tried at all.
39] Putting off doing the most interesting things in life until you no longer have the strength to do them.
40] Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.
41] Believing that it is possible to be sure of everything you have won.
42] Thinking that women don’t like football and that men don’t like interior decoration.
43] Blaming the government for everything bad that happens.
44] Being convinced that being a good, decent and respectful person means that the others will find you weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.
45] Being convinced that aggressiveness and discourtesy in treating others are signs of a powerful personality.
46] Being afraid of fibroscopy (men) and childbirth (women).
47] And finally, thinking that your religion is the sole proprietor of the absolute truth, the most important, the best, and that the other human beings in this immense planet who believe in any other manifestation of God are condemned to the fires of hell.
Thanks.
1. Being dyslexic helps.
3. I don’t have that problem, Maybe they need me there then.
4. Working 9-5 Nah
7. What is being financially succesful?
11. They were always left.:0
14. Waking-up with a hysterical alarm clock at the other side of the bedside.
30. Lacking experience, however you do know that there is something wrong.
46. Are fibroscopy only for men?
47. Yes, an “Outer Travels Inner Journeys” might be necessary then.
You might add:
In any hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with anything, even though the Christmas three nothing to do with the birth of Christ.
Reading this Manual I realized that although apparently I was always forced by the society to be “normal” (and I had to obey the rules, because I was a “good girl”), deep in my heart I always wanted to be different, not normal. Not different in, say, a punk way, I was never a rebel on the outside, no, just on the inside.
Living a “normal” life always seemed very boring to me, I could never understand what was so attractive in the routine, in attempts “to be nice”, be proper… I always thought there is more to life than getting married, making kids, watching them grow, watching them getting married and having kids and watching them grow – and then dying….
To me life always kept a mystery – what’s next? around the corner? where am I going? what is the meaning of life – my life in particular? why am I here? am I doing what I was meant to do?
But being different means having a lot of courage. The society does not support those who are different. I was ridiculed at school, and what saved me was my ability to fight back; when I grew up I was beaten morally and hurt deeply by those who did not accept me being different. The strive for a change made me shift continents and start from a white page, just to find out again that being different means having to fight and protect your “abnormality”. This fight is exhausting, draining, it distracts and burdens me, and yet, I have to fight claws and teeth and mimic “normality” so that the others would not guess and find out that I am “different”….
Those points above just show us the deepest fear of your heart stopping us from the path of happiness…….
Any particular reason number 13 doesn’t show but between 12th and 14th, 12 a)?
Thanks for this note, I am reading now this book in fact.
xox
Wow, you “called me out” with a few of these items that I need to work on…thanks!
I love and completely agree with #47. I grew up in a very religious Christian family and, though I consider myself a Christian I also believe that this is the way God gave ME to get to him but that he gives us all ways to get to him and many of those ways don’t look like mine. I dare not say this to my family for fear of a prayer vigil outside my door until I denounce those beliefs but there is nothing they could do to convince me that the Muslim store owner who gave free food to a homeless man outside his shop then fed the food to the man because he had no arms isn’t blessed by God because his spiritual instructional manual isn’t the exact same as mine.
49:trying to put yourself in other people’s shoes,thinking you know how they feel..
48:controlling others by pushing them to do the job you think it’s more suitable for them,marrying the guy you think it’s made for them ect…
47] And finally, thinking that your religion is the sole proprietor of the absolute truth, the most important, the best, and that the other human beings in this immense planet who believe in any other manifestation of God are condemned to the fires of hell.
21)
LOve you but don’t agree with this one as its too wide a subject contrary to belief to label as ALL uncomfortable and ridiculous, we all wear fashion every day in all shapes and forms.
Thank you. You have become my muse with this list for a series of postings reflecting on the absurdities surrounding the idea of what is now considered normal.
Be well, sir.
paulo, why did you not use no. 13? why use 12a instead? are you superstitious?
i guess we all wana live free without defining the word ”normal” since in our days however u act as u really are is considerd abnormal !!
in 25, looking in the eyes of people, dont u think this could make them worry that u r staring for a reason that is terrifieng tham somhow ? For me this could lead to a problem maybe depends on society :)
Regards
I like this one…
David
February 18, 2010 at 6:30 pm
48) Believing that being normal is a bad thing.
Why have to work so hard to be either one ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’?
I tend to believe that ‘range of normal variants’ is quite wide rather than only a thin line.
If you set all the rules about what is normal and you see that most of the response here are agreeing to be abnormal, aren’t the rule is the abnormal is the ‘majority’ thus be the ‘norms’?
Why should ever bother about it anyway?
I was thinking in a similar line.
DEAR PAULO,
THANK YOU FOR BEEING IN MY LIFE!,
despite the fact that it is expressed by reading your books and statements on the site.
Elena I.
“being normal for our selfs is not the same as being normal for other people”…
I do what my heart says….yes, I am happy that I am not normal.
Your picture of a fish – do they have a third eye?
Formal medicine will not publikly addmit that it is normal to:first 20 years try to do all of this in order to be mature(normal), than start cutting of some of tham to be happy,blaming others to force you for doing it and secretly admiting to your self that you are just exploring easy way trough life.
How enyone can make you follow their rules without you to agree on doing it.(How proud we are to pick up awards and sorry when we are loosing.)
But we aways do what we choose to,we choose wich rules will be used,avoid or abused, anyway.
my interpretation towards everything I read in this list is that we don’t have to follow society’s way of thinking for us to grow more to be a better human being… We have a mind that’s a gift from God and is given for the purpose of using… analyzing and able to think and weigh in many different things depending on what you are focusing your mind at that time… and I believe that faith, love, motive and an unbias judgement are important to bear in mind as well in weighing a lot of things like things to which you would say you believe or not believe…
I’m so happy that I’m not normal by these definitions.
LIKE ALWAYS YOU MAKE ME GET GUSBUMPS….SE ME ENCHINA LA PIEL Y SE ME LLENAN DE AGUA LOS OJOS Y ME TIEMBLA EL CORAZON….COMO SIEMPRE QUE LEO TUS MENSAJES
…I am a psychiatrist and in the clinic were I work,one of our secretaries,TALK TO HIMSELF!!!!and yet ,he is a wonderful and reliable worker…ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!!!
48. Thinking that if you stick to a formula, everything will happen as planned. Not realizing that art, beauty, individuality, and life appreciation occur when we attempt to master chaos.
Always wanted to be normal, so happy I am not. :)
never did 12, never maried, did have children, left the Dads,for all the good reasons, am in peacefull understanding relationship and
feel like i am captured in this created freedom. normal got the best of me i guess.. bit of 5 and 1 lost
26, find myself to sing in elevators or other places while waiting..a way of avoiding others or blocking them out.. i find it quite amusing myself do..
Dear Mr.Coelho, I realised the only people in the world who don’t do any of the above are children and we keep forcing them to follow these and become US!
we do need to learn to remain children throughout our lives,in essence and let children be children too! THAT will make a better world :)
Falou por muitos! Parabéns pela inspiração e obrigada!
I hate to admit some of the things above.. Silently you have shown me what I was hiding from myself..
This is why I love you, great thinker! Much love for you paulo from Venezuela!.
and this reminds me…yesterday in a bus around 4year old girl just was looking at me,someone maybe would say staring,I say she still knows how to look into human’s soul.
Well, I guess I´m lucky: I´m not entirely normal.
48) Believing that being normal is a bad thing.
This is so true :))
It is “normal” in the wealthy First World nations (esp. the US) to sit in front of the TV eating a steak and fries, perhaps a desert on the side, while watching images of Two-Thirds World poverty and starvation flash before our eyes, asking ourselves, Why does God let this happen to those poor people? It is normal to go through our whole lives questioning the “injustice” of the Universe, and never once look in the mirror.
48) Treating strangers better than your loved ones.
i like this one so true…
The last is the best ! God is unique, but everyone can have his own way to go to Him.
i got one word for this – awesome!!! :)
Being true to myself, standing for what I believe in and educating myself for my well being and the one of my family and others’ too, and not believing blindly on what is presented to me, is my motto.
I can’t be squeezed into a “box” and am going against the grain in so many ways. All too often then I perceive that others around me do not understand and think therefore that I am either crazy or a “trouble maker”. I am neither of that all, at the contrary. I then just try to keep faith and to continue on my path – even if I am “not categorized as normal” by others.
Thank you for your post Paulo – gives me a nudge to just really continue to be true to myself even more so. <3
~^~ Conventionally convicted conviction convicts conventional convictions unconventionally conventional. ~^~
Neel Shah.
Point #26″: When in an elevator, constantly looking at indicator and chasing the numbers even though you want to get down at the last floor… Strange but true!!!
Sensei(Paulo Coehlo)- adding our ideas of NORMALITY to these comments is also inventory right?Just checking;)
but your list is amazing :D Blessed be
Well, I would add that guys show off not only with their cars, but with their girlfriends. Girls do that too. Somehow we fell that if we are with a person who’s just so great, it adds something to us personally. For that reason we try hard to be around someone who’s successfull in the worlds’ eyes.
Being “normal” also includes trying to show our “best side” (as we see it) to another party,ecpecially to a man or woman we’re interested in. Also, we try hard to hide what we consider “weakneses”, yet they make us more human and more loveable.
I did that, when I was having bulimia and overeating time to time, I would hide from my friends, my boyfriend, pretend that “I need to be alone”, while in truth what I most wanted was a caring and loving person by my side, who’ll just say something comforting and kind. Yet instead I pretended to be “cool” and “strong”.
The result?
I broke up wity my bf because he considered my behaviour weird. Yet I didnt give him a chance to show his love.
Couldn’t agree more !!!! Some of the points were like a wake up call,,,,,
Mr. Paulo u have the biggest influence in my life and thank you for making me a better person so far,,,