Comments on: Complete solitude – Part 2

By: Mirela Baron

Mirela Baron — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 22:18:32 +0000

Well my lovely one you tackled me allready!!!
But if I will not see your FACE prior,and you will still hidden,i will get very angry!!!like today…ha,ha(seriously).
So,now is YOUR time to move and I´v done I think everything to tackle you!!!

Love you! I think this was the THIRD KNOCKING!!!
The sweet gipsy rose(M)

By: Mirela Baron

Mirela Baron — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 22:07:32 +0000

I have it Thanks!kisses

By: kenrique

kenrique — Mon, 25 May 2009 12:50:47 +0000

Am among the millions of people that you pass by, i also want to strike a conversation before the evening turns to night, to a break of another day. But hey, the ego inside wont let me. I contemplate on the much i could say or do or places i could visit, yet deep inside i know there is more that i want. Dont know how to go about it. Inside i am all alone, there is soo much emptiness to yonder. All around it seems life has crowned me with multiple friends to listen. But still, the solitude . . .

By: Sandra

Sandra — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 04:48:16 +0000

I don’t equate solitude with loneliness. One may not have a choice about the former, but the latter does involve a degree of choice since it’s about interpreting your situation. Most of my childhood I was lonely. Later, I felt shame if I felt lonely. I had friends, lovers, partners, associations, but still felt lonely. Then marriage, children, businesses filled my life and now I seek solitude. I work alone and love it. I don’t answer the phone. Sometimes I don’t answer the door. Because of my solitude, I’m more open now to other people. I walk the dog, talk to strangers, people watch, spiraling out stories and observations in my head. I never feel lonely. What I feel is peaceful, with occasional restless periods when I seek out others.

By: krentz

krentz — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:25:42 +0000

Firstly, I would like to draw up a distinction between the two terms of “solitude” and “loneliness”. I am a very solitary person by nature, yet I am rarely lonely. Sometimes I have felt more ‘alone’ while surrounded by others than I ever have in my own company. It is a curious dichotomy: I have a need for connection with other human beings, particularly ones who share certain traits I have, ones with whom I can create a unity of mind and soul (or at least; that is the romantic ideal!). On top of that I also have a need for solitude and inner peace.

Regarding the loneliness that Paulo talks about, I agree it is a terrible thing, and I have experienced it before, and doubtless will again. But it is my experience that loneliness comes from a feeling of disconnection – either with your inner self, or with other people around you. As has been said by others, this is an illusion, as from my own point of view, despite your existence as a distinct consciousness you are inextricably linked to the Universe and all things.

I would like to address Kellan here and say that I can relate completely to what you’re saying. In fact, I’m only 20. Sometimes there is something wonderful in being able to connect to yourself in a way it seems others are unable to do or struggle with. One thing I will say is this: please don’t be afraid of yourself, and don’t feel as though you need to make justify your existence, either. It is valid in and of itself.

I know only too well the problems that can come when an innately solitary disposition conflicts with a desire to connect to others. I don’t suppose, until you find true contentment, it is a battle that will ever end. But in my opinion that’s why it’s important that you be honest with yourself. If you feel as though you are making yourself miserable and suffer from a lack of contact with others, then it becomes worrisome, but a problem that you are more than capable of fixing. I too am glad that I am not driven by such a huge need to be around people constantly as some others are. It’s almost as if they’re afraid of their own company. I’m also not chasing after romance, but I have eyes that see and ears that listen.

If you were to pass me by as I was alone, it is likely I would appear either peaceful or deep in thought, at worst, conflicted. Rarely sad, arrogant rarer still. If I felt truly lonely it is doubtful I would expose the misery of my situation to anyone other than people I was truly close to. I certainly wouldn’t be outside. Just know that as with all things it will pass in time and the only boundaries you have are the ones you place upon yourself. And I believe that people who know more about who they really are can also be more realistic about what they want from others, and in the end, have more fulfilling and intimate relationships.

By: judiciousjoan

judiciousjoan — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 01:41:20 +0000

As for me, being alone and lonely are two different things. I can be alone but not lonely, for my being alone physically I still am able to do the things that requires me to be alone doing it. Yet I can also be “not alone” but very lonely. Even if I have friends and people around me with whom I communicate every now and then, yet there is something missing in the connection. As if we don’t really connect in ideas, feelings, whatsoever.

By: Seema

Seema — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 10:42:03 +0000

Funny, now you are talking about loneliness! But when I had wanted to know which veg dish you like, you didn’t reply. So, I started cycling in evenings after about 15-20 years, and what a de-stressing activity it is….

By: luce

luce — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 09:55:27 +0000

Dear Marielle, Pandora ( I have The Gibran’s book )and Thelma ( of course I have Alchemist too ) you made me feel this morning so good , alone but not lonely, connected with all of you.

What else to say ?
Thank you Paulo for getting us all here at your blog !

Love
Luce

By: Khushboo

Khushboo — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 08:27:42 +0000

At times i ask for this kind of solitude, probably so that i don’t have to face the world that lies ahead of me. As Trish mentioned, I realize that this is the loneliness that has arisen out of circumstances and episodes that have affected me to a great extent. The sheer helplessness to mend these situations makes me look for this kind of solitude which in a way is nothing but escaping from the intimidating situations that i face on and of. So often, I’ve felt this solitude even while i am with the people who make me feel comfortable and love me unconditionally. These are the moments i fail to acknowledge the beautiful things that life has offered me so far. The moment i look at all the positive and happy things that have happened in my life, i realize the futility of such depressed thoughts of escaping from myself and my life

By: kristin

kristin — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 01:29:00 +0000

why are you alone?

By: marie-christine

marie-christine — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:18:27 +0000

A tip – it needs to be put back straight in its box after – it does not keep otherwise -

By: marie-christine

marie-christine — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 23:53:24 +0000

I hope it is the crusty one. Yam!

By: Trish

Trish — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:40:10 +0000

There is loneliness that comes comes from circumstance and not by choice. Like relationships that just do not work out and it would be best if you just ended them.
I am at a point in my life where I have experienced a few dissapointing relationships and events that made me realize that some of the people I know are not true friends.
I once read that one is lucky if they can count their friends in one hand. I guess I am lucky for though I lost people to keep me out of my ‘loneliness’ and solitude each day, I now know I can count true friends on all 5 fingers.
I spend more time now in solitude not because I do not want to socialize but because I’d rather spend time alone, or time with genuine friends and honest acquaintances.
I agree with Jenna, that more genuine people to share your life with and that you truly connect with will come at the right time.Not everyone you see alone is arrogant and unsociable or ashamed of their solitude! :-)

Peace and Love
Trish

By: Fabiola

Fabiola — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:27:03 +0000

Tenemos la compañia impuesta de nacimiento (familia) tenemos la compañia elegida a lo largo de los años, tenemos la soledad interna y externa,pero en ocasiones eso no basta, he sentido soledad cuando mi espiritu, mi alma desea expresarse con otro de la misma sintonia, el saber que te entienden, el saber que caminan junto a ti en este camino menos elegido, mi alma gemela que solo te llena y barre en segundos el sentimiento de estar sola pese a estar rodeada de gente…. ¿dónde estás que aún no te encuentro? si, he sentido la soledad…

By: dana

dana — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:40:44 +0000

I have read what you wrote about loneliness and it’s somehow true…..but one thing stroke…what you said about your friend that got divorced….there is another solitude, another kind of loneliness, which one may experience when being in a relationship….i believe that’a one kind of loneliness that many people experience becuse they are afraid of being alone….so what’s worse: sharing a sandwhich but yet feeling lonely while doing so or eating it alone?

By: thewolffather

thewolffather — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:59:06 +0000

This reminds me of when I was in Paris in 2008. I was walking back to my hotel from a party, after the party I went to a club and got a little drunk! On the walk to the hotel I saw a girl sleeping on the street. I asked her if she wanted some money, she jumped up like a wild cat and said “no” in a US accent. I felt something inside just telling me to walk on, so I did. I walked up the street and onto another street. I had to ask the Parisian police how to get back to my hotel, I was about to complain about something but decided to walk on again back to my hotel, I went home the next day.

By: Carmen Larisa

Carmen Larisa — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:31:29 +0000

The sensation of loneliness comes from the lack of being able to communicate with your inner self and with others too, not managing to feel as a part of the universe. In fact, we are never alone but only have the feeling of being alone, being separated from the rest of the world. It’s an illusion, we can’t be really separated, but only in our minds and especially the ego gives us this sensation which hurts inside.
Love makes you feel wonderful even when you are isolated in a remote place, on the top of the mountain, so, it’s a matter of perspective, the way we choose to feel.
Many hugs! :o)

By: THELMA

THELMA — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:22:14 +0000

Dear Pandora, now I must find a book to recommend you with a happy and optimistic mood!!!What do you think of ….re-reading the Alchemist?’
Love,
Thelma

By: Pandora

Pandora — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 13:40:34 +0000

I dare anyone to read Broken Wings by K. Gibran and not feel the worst type of loneliness ever imaginable.

Thelma recommended it to me, and it is pure pain.

By: Mariëlle

Mariëlle — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 13:24:20 +0000

Dear Luce, thanks for your sweet explanation! And you know what: I even agree with you in what you say and recognise the feeling of loneliness you describe, and think many will.

The part that made me have a different opinion is this one:

“On the way back I pass by other solitary people; they look either arrogant (because they prefer to pretend that they chose to be alone on such a beautiful evening) or sad (because they know that there is nothing worse in life). I consider striking up a conversation with them, but I know that they are ashamed of their own loneliness”

Because I wonder… lots of people nowadays make a decision; do I stay with somebody just for the company although I feel no connection with this person? And more and more people decide not to, so they sometimes end up alone for a short or longer while, and maybe feel too hurt or disappointed to try again at that moment.
But is it the judgement of people that are not in that situation that makes one feel horrible, exclused and sad and like a walking charity case? Or does that really come from within?

That’s also why I think the Bridget Jones part, posted somewhere above here is so typical for the way couples or people that are never alone look at people that are alone. Like Bridget Jones says “I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway, so you really need not bother telling me you think so as well”

I think that was my point…. but I really should not be into all this discussions too much, because I seem to loose track and forget my point completely!!!

Lots of love and respect,
Mariëlle

By: marie-christine

marie-christine — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 12:06:03 +0000

oui, il vaut mieux partager un sandwich que de le manger tout seul.

By: Valentin

Valentin — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 11:51:24 +0000

Dear Paulo,

Very nice sharing your thoughts about the loneliness we sometimes feel almost always inside big cities, because that’s where we can compare to others. I often felt it as I made trips for my work.

In the same field, what about writing some lines about the loneliness some of us feel when, following common sense, they should never do ? I mean, what about the loneliness of the (failed) marriage ?

By: luce

luce — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 10:29:44 +0000

Dear Marielle, thank you, your point taken, but just to clear one thing…I did not intend to say you were wrong, who am I to judge ??? I meant about type of loneliness Paulo talked about.

I asure you there are people, me for one, that are in some moment ashamed and not at peace with loneliness at some point in their lives.

Sometimes it feels just like enormous vulnerability, impotence, lost battle, not to say being looser…that makes you built wall arround you not to feel hurt and exclused. One put mask on and walk just like Paulo described, or even worse one get angry with all others!

Thank you for your reprimand as it gave me possibility to explain myself and I repeat, it was nothing personal, just my point of view as it is yours.

Love and respect,
Luce

By: El Dormido

El Dormido — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 09:19:51 +0000

you are never not single

you arrive with a cloud of witnesses
they wipe you off
cut the cord
wrap you up
and lay you to breast

at the other end
maybe there is someone left
or maybe not
depending on
how well we spent the time

in between
we join, we part,
we dance,

we give, we take

we wait or run after

does the phone ring?
who is it?
What do they want?
Why do I care?

When I lay down at night
the lights remain in the sky
faded by the neon and traffic lights,
the rumble and roar of traffic
the shouted imprecation
out there

wrapped up in this dark
hearing heart beat
shuffle of feet
up stairs
furniture across floor

sigh stirs the wisp of dream around
curtain filaments faded light
rattle of skittering cats
down the alley

ah, but morning breathes deeply
more quiet, more alive

numbering leaves
in sun rise and grass shadows

heart canters with fresh,
heart canters alone
knowing this moment
as big as God

By: Jeri Lynn

Jeri Lynn — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 07:08:15 +0000

These ideas you express about solitude are a bit melodramatic and self-indulgent – and yet everyone feels the same when we allow loneliness to overtake us. I guess it is natural.

It seems to me that we are both wave and particle. We all fight like hell most of the time to establish connections and maintain connections – to exist as a wave. Periodically we slip into, or glimpse, the other aspect of reality, and that is that we are also a small discreet particle in a vast and indifferent Universe. And that realization can be quite terrifying.

Too often human culture or society is too flimsy an anchor to wave reality. It’s when relationships and material expectations fail us that we succumb. When loneliness grips us, I think it’s best to connect to something bigger/deeper. Progress along those lines, and I wonder if we approach a point when we can experience both wave and particle. Who knows?…

By: Marie-Christine

Marie-Christine — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:58:11 +0000

Thanks for that insight.
I Like the song “My sweet Lord” too. Obrigado. Muito bem.
Ca me rappelle le temps passe a Londres, j’entendais cette chanson presque tous les jours lorsque je passais devant le magasin juste en face du “Wimpy Bar”. Le gars avait pris l’habitude de me siffler chaque fois que je passais devant…….. Il etait pas anglais ca c’est sur.

By: Nanci

Nanci — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:35:43 +0000

“Because when you are alone – and I am talking about the loneliness that we do not choose, the loneliness that we are obliged to accept – it is as if we no longer belonged to the human race.” This is the feeling of disconnection that comes from loneliness, yes, when you are so lonely that you feel as if you are the only one that exists, and that you are all alone in the world.

If it is a feeling you must accept, then do so for a short time willingly, because there is a lesson there for you. Reflect on what this experience is bringing to you and when you’re ready, then reach out to those around you.

Arrogance, sadness, shame… Some people give away their emotions and their thoughts and you are able to tell what is on their mind just by looking into their eyes and watching body language. Other people are better at hiding these things and so what you get back when you look into their eyes is the mirrored image of your own emotions and thoughts.

I guess I never really thought that loneliness could be a vice. So, in your last paragraph, then, to me you are speaking of taking risks, the kind that fit the situation at hand, and in this particular case, of taking the risk of reaching out to another human being.

By: Jeannette

Jeannette — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:02:04 +0000

En momentos de soledad miro al cielo y me doy cuenta que sola nunca estoy. El universo siempre esta conmigo y me alegra. La naturaleza me enseña que Dios me Ama y desea que continue hacia adelante.

By: Norwegian

Norwegian — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 23:23:42 +0000

It’s a incredible good description. I still remember this part from your book Zahir. But I don’t agree with the main persons decision. If you have the time and energy it’s better to try to talk with the lonely persons instead of leaving them alone. Just a few sentences can tell if they really want a conversation. Better be two than one.

By: Satora

Satora — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 22:45:17 +0000

Loneliness is a place of deep feelings of emptiness and despair where you question your very existence.

If you have empathy you can feel this loneliness although it is not your loneliness … you can feel this pain although it is not your pain …you can see the darkness although it is not your darkness…you can feel the tears running down your cheeks although they are not your tears…

Sharing the pain of loneliness with every breath – accepting your pain as mine with agape.

Seconds or minutes how long does it last and then it is over …

May I have the strength to share your pain whenever it is necessary .

With kindness
Satora