How many times did you reinvent yourself in your lifetime?
I’m asking this because I saw this week the new movie by Clint Eastwood the Gran Torino and I’ve been following Clint Eastwood since his beginnings as an actor in class-B spaghetti westerns.
In my book The Alchemist, Santiago, the shepherd boy, has to reinvent himself in order to get to his goal. I have also been in this situation and had to reinvent myself many times.
So now I would like to know about you: How many times have you re-invented yourself and in which situations?
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Dear Paulo,
I look back at what I have done, gee, I have re-invented myself a few times….. I have learned a lot from those experiences.
Are you ready for it?
My first job was working for a “financial institution” (Wow! that sounds so good) – using the to-day lingo -. I worked into a lot of departments there (as a telephonist, in the foreign xchange, in the cashier dept) etc. As a telephonist, I learned to watch my Ps and Qs., in the Cashier Dept, my principal job was to reconciliate the daily taken of all the Depts. What used to take people a full day, I used to do it in 1/2 the day (They called me “Speedy Gonzalez” At five to twelve , every day, religiously, they used to turn their gazes towards me and sure enough : “I delivered”)AH AH AH. They had to find something else for me to do for the pm session… In the Foreign Xchge I was able to practice the languages ( the only thing I was ever good at ) so I was quite comfortable there. The Manager took a liking to me – he was a funny man – he used to be obsessed with files and call you with a special “ring tone” and you had to be there before he even called you just about. Anyhow, continuing with my story, he decided to invite me for lunch one day – everyone was so surprised – he had noticed that I was good with languages and sent me abroad. Morale of the story: always go to the top.
Another job was as a cleaner. I was not the best nor was I the worse. I got sacked. Anyway, I needed the money and I gave it a bit of thought,then decided to get on my bike and see the Boss. The Boss was there on that day, living next door to the Supervisor an Italian lady. So, here we were the three of us, having a bit of a “conference”. I got a bit annoyed as the Lady started talking in Italian to the Boss, who was Spanish, I let her talked and she did not know it that I could understand what she was saying and it was all a lot of hotair. She got a bit of a shock.
Anyway, I got promoted to a Supervisor.
That job taught me that I should always stand up for my rights.
The Supervisor bit taught me never to underestimate people, I had done the cleaning before and I knew how the other people were feeling.
I was able to empathise with them whenever they had a claim.
I worked for the Telephone Interpreter Service once, this was really hard because you have to detach yourself from your emotions. I have learned a lot out of that too.
I worked in a Drive-In Cinema.
Also as a Secretary of a Recreation Club. The job was probably one of the most interesting I had. It involved in organising artists from a certain Festival coming into remoted areas like ours.We have had the Platters, the Seekers, Jazz singers such as Elaine Delmar, Georges Melly – raconteur extraordinaire -, June Bronhill (Opera singer) Richard Todd (Equus), S. Hansen (the puppeteer), etc.
I realised they were just people like you and I.
I like to do different things and once I am immersed into it, I get very enthusiastic about it. So the next one, was to do a bit of “journalist’ Work I guess in an amateurish way, however it was great. It started as a 2 A4 paper pages local rag, then the Manager of the Mine became interested in it and it grew with the local people advertising in the local news. It was produced on a fortnigthly basis. I had to do a lot of cutting and pasting, oh I just loved that.I was independent and I could do what I wanted to do. I guessed my creativity surfaced.
My last job involved working with children, the job was very demanding – you find yourself the “meat in a sandwich” between the staff, the Committee and the parents. You learn as you go along.
The children were the best, I got so much out of them, it was pure joy and “Fantasy Island” every day. Pretend play was my favourite. The staff were multi-cultural, the way I wanted it and we learned a lot from each other.
Others job was to teach French at the local TAFE School. I was really surprised to see how little grammar people knew including the teachers. I also got rid of a ” party pooper” who was fluent in French and was there just to annoy you. My patience had its limits.
Learning to say “NO” was another lesson.
I taught French at the local school too on a voluntary basis, I was surprised to see that no foreign languages were taught.
Also did a lot of voluntary work in various areas raising funds mainly getting books for children,helping serving drinks at event nights, putting the tables and chairs, etc, etc.
All of these experiences have made me what I am today.I have shed a few skins along the way, a bit like a snake,wearing different hats.
That what life is all about, moving and finding out who you are and learning each day.
Have a good day.
Love to all
Perhaps one of the most profound changes in my life has been my relationship to money. In my family, money was a form of control and secretive. As a result, I internalized certain values. It wasn’t exactly a good base to build a marriage on. So I had to reinvent myself financially or lose the woman that I had reinvented myself for emotionally. It’s very aware, mindful, and a big pain in the ass. I mean I really like to eat out…what can I say.
the person who controls the money is the one in charge they say in a partnership. I think people should have separate accounts then and be taught to manage their finances at school. That is a good point Dave.
It seems that we reinvent ourself when something it’s telling us that we need to change, reconsider what we want and the outcome of our actions to reflect them in a way we want to be portrayed. First a recognition of a mistake, second a revaluation of who we are, and how our actions reflect our character and finally the ability to redirect our actions and goals for a better outcome. I have personally found that we have times in our lives where we have gather enough information about ourself to create a conviction rather than an idea about who we are and how we react to live challenges, i reinvented myself the day a have a certainty of what i stand for and what i would never accept in my live, for example: I would never be silenced even if you do no like the harshness of my story.
dear paul from austria
i have read ur post and i am sending u the most powerful of my best possitive energy,, with lot of luck and lots of love,,,,
G-d willing ull be just fine,,,,
take care of urself
Orly
Wow! I am in awe of all of you as re-inventors. All of what you have done has brought you to where you are now in your lives, with all those possibilities branching out before you.
Savita Vega, I wanted to tell you that your word “becoming” resonated with me. I used to have, as part of my profile, on another website “I am in the process of becoming…” I never completed the sentence because I #1, wasn’t sure of who it was that I was becoming, and #2, I always wanted to allow for a change–of heart or of direction.
Also, I wanted to tell Christian thank you for sharing your story with us. You say it is long. Perhaps, but think of all the living you have done and how many more experiences there still are that will add to your story!
Going back to Paulo’s question about how I’ve re-invented myself…I find that I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past couple of years. It used to be that I would decide on a course of action and just go for it, whatever it took to get there. I never thought about what I would lose to achieve a result, I focused more on what I would gain from the experience and found the journey/process to be rewarding in and of itself. In the past I reinvented myself several times and felt a sense of adventure.
Nowdays, even though nothing seems to fit or to feel right when I think of a reinvention, I still have that sense of “I am in the process of becoming…” I feel the adventure that is my life calling me, beckoning but I hesitate. Why do I do that? The only thing I can come up with for an answer is fear. But then I wonder how it is that I became so fearful? I used to be fearless when it came to reinvention. So, I go back to the thought that it is because now, when I think of reinventing myself, I think of what I have to lose instead of what I will gain. And then I know, deep in my heart, that the only way to change this way of thinking is by doing something, anything to make myself move forward.
Perhaps that’s what I’m doing here with this answer, writing this so that I am forced to face what it is I fear and see it for what it truly is. An emotion that is meant to protect, not to stop me in my tracks. I need to acknowledge the fear and then look past it to all those possibilities just on the other side, waiting.
i believe that i have reinvented myself a few times in my life,,, but around 4 years ago it was MY RE INVENTING of my life!!!!
and i can say it was also the turning point of my life,,, and i can say that since than i realllly saved my life in the best possitive way,, and i am proud of myself,,,,
and that was the time that i also discovered my 4 angels who were and r next to me to help me with that un beliveable mission,,,
and i thank G-d for giving me the oportunity to be strong and to be able to stand and win!!!!!!
lots of love
orly
I’m now 20, that would mean i’ve reinvented myself 20*365= 7300 times. ;)
p.s. wow!
We re-invent ourselves in small steps daily but most noticeably as we move from one milestone/goal/event to another. A graduation, birthday, journey, birth of a child – any breathtaking encounter may seem most significant. I find myself right now re-inventing myself and what drives me as I have completed the many years of trials to get to this point as a physician, wife and mother. As I arrive here, my 12 year-old daughter is beginning this journey – learning to dig down deep inside herself and play a grueling 3 hours tennis match only to turn around and do it again 1.5 hours later with a different opponent and wake up in the morning to one more round. She is now making the important choices that lay the groundwork of who she is, what her work ethic is, and how she interacts with others. She is in the early stages of making choices and balancing responsibilities and potential conflicts. While this is always present in life, having lived this for many years, I now find myself as a facilitator, a guide to my children. Who I am is less a list of accomplishments I must check off but now rather stepping back and letting my children grow with guidance. Who I am now includes a mother who hopes she is teaching her children about the world, opening their eyes to what is just, igniting the desire to make a difference, and instilling compassion in their hearts and who ultimately hopes they know how truly loved and cherished they are. The sweetness of giving my 2 year old the space to let her imagination soar brings more joy to my being than I could have ever imagined. Watching my 8 year old son’s eyes light up as he describes his project on India or finishes a 5k way ahead of his mother does not define my being, rather it helps make me feel complete.
I must reinvent myself today. Sadly due to the approach of censorship and controlling of our basic rights, I am no longer able to access Piratebay. It reminds me of the movie V for Vendetta where the leaders of the world are shown for what they really are. The evil of war that is filling our streets in the West, the war to keep us as consumers and any attempt to return to a private citizen is quickly falling between the cracks of our reality. We now enter the new stage of the 21st century where people can no longer use a network without everything being recorded and analysed. So now we must use a second rate service to fulfil our needs, reinvention and evolution forced by our environment.
At least I got to watch Gran Torino last night, my last download!
En este mismo momento!
Pareciera ser que al plantearse nuevas metas necesariamente una parte de ti (o toda quizas) debe re-inventarse, cuantas metas claras he tenido en mi vida… no muchas… he ahí lo entretenido de atreverse.
Gracias por tus palabras… llenan mi dia, me hacen pensar y me ayudan a este proceso interno que estoy viviendo.
Saludos desde Chile
After living in so many different places, cities, mountains, countries. Learning new languages. Working as musician (singer and composer) or sports journalist in a newspaper, Spanish teacher or barman, hotel director or DJ, artistic painter or model for artists, boss or worker; new relationships, new lives; falling and standing up again, and so many, many times; after running pubs and saying hello to everyone in the street and finding all the doors open or the opposite, being ignored; after being a heart breaker or a spiritual guy; some times with more money that I could use, some others with less than the minimum (and finding food in my door that somebody was leaving there to me)… Now, what I find important (and often hard) it´s to re-invent myself every morning, as a person that discovers life everyday and enjoy it. I think that, anyway, that´s the price I have to pay to find my aims and that, probably, it would not be worthy to get the reward without betting hard (as well, part of the prize is the travel one makes to get it).
Now I live in Sweden, I paint, these days I begin again a new life (trying to find a job and a new place to live, things that happen), with all the fears, as normal, with all the hopes. In moments like this (believe me, I KNOW IT, by experience) one feels down, but with the secret confidence that Everything will be o.k. and that things happen for a reason, to grow and to be better. And so one can laugh loud and happy remembering the bad moments.
Love.
PS: In my blog you can see what I did in the last four years. That was after I left my city because I did not want to be the person I was: Superficial.
http://cynskeptical.blogspot.com/
Dazzling leaps forward, followed by fear and exhilaration, and frequent stagnation while I wallow at a certain point until the next invigorating challenge. The reinvention is only in terms of attributes assigned to me by others and shaking myself free from them. Yet, an essential Sandra remains.
Reinvention sounds dramatic and startling, when really it boils down to more of an attitude shift toward events and people in my life. This leads to a reinterpretation which is not so personal, thereby reducing defensiveness and increasing joy.
I get a kick out of almost everything I do, certainly out of the people I encounter.
Every single cell in every human being is reinventing it self without his, her and it permission, the hole universe is reinventing it self faster than a split of a split of an eye blink ,all that is happening by the will of the greatest engineer, the creator (ALLAH).
TENDRE QUE VER ESTA PELICULA ME HAN DICHO QUE CLINT EASTWOOD COMO DIRECTOR ES FANTASTICO.
PRIMERO LA VERE Y LUEGO TE CONTESTO.
UN BESO
Savita Vega: You write absolutely beautiful! Are you a writer? Otherwise I think you should become one!
I actually did the same thing, moving around like a nomad. I am 32 years old now and the last 13 years, that is when I moved out of my parent house, I have moved about 12 times. In Holland, in Africa, in Belgium. Where I live now I lived for 2 years now, and that is one of the longest periods I ever lived anywhere. And I feel like moving again now….even though I just spend 2 months in Thailand.
I do normally take down the christmas tree (haha), coming to think of it, I never even put a christams tree in the past 13 years. Don’t even have christmas decorations. Although I am a Cristian.
My father moved 49 times in his life.
And my grandfather moved 74 times in his life.
I wonder… :Is it re-inventing one-self, or is it running away from one-self?
At this point it feels like because I’m forcing myself to stay in this appartment (for now), I am also forced to look within myself. And that will end up in a re-invention of my inner self, instead of changing the exterior. I hope.
But lets just see how long I will hang in there… :-)
Love
hi! i think that everyone has a core in himself,that never changes.one can invent and reinvent his face for the world outside him,but does he reinvent himself? everyone has a lot of changes ond importent moments in his life,sure do i have too,but when these moments happend to me ,noe thinking on them,i think that i only found a side of myself i didn’t know.these only make me grow stronger.and at the moment i am passing through alike period,i am in a period of searching deep in me ,and THANK U,PAULO COELHO,for helping me finding myself everytime and showing me how to do it and not leaving me stop thinking.
and thanx all of u who r there to share your thoughts.even anonymous
love to all
Im in the process of doing so, starting training as a mountain climbing guide in my spare time, its hard work! but itll be worth it if i can get myself out of my office and into the mountains. Thanks for your books, they are a real inspiration.
I’ve reinvented myself once. After working for several yesrs in a very competitive business environment I’d acquired a great deal but in the process had lost myself. I’d become the kind of person that as a child, I vowed never to become. I hardly laughed worked 80 hour weeks and rarely socialized with friends. I had to reinvent myself leave the only industry I worked in and my hometown to break away from the cast I’d created for my life. I reinvented myself just once but don’t eliminate the possibility that because life is dynamic I may once again reinvent myself in the future.
I think of this question in terms of numerological cycles. Each being (9) years. The start of this current cycle was last year 2008 (Add the numbers to the smallest one digit number 10 = 1)
My first nine years was dedicated to recovering from various health problems including an eye operation for which I left my body for the period of several hours. I cannot describe in physical terms what I saw when my soul was absent other than to say that the reality I was experiencing had no desire and was filled with infinite light. There were others there, but they lacked physical form. It was a strange combination of the Buddhist concept of ‘Nirvana’ and the Judeo-Christian afterlife.
When I regained consciousness it took me the better part of a day to regain what it means to have a physical body. I was rather depressed that I was back here to tell you the truth. I was five at the time.
This event reinvented my view on God, spirituality and all my subsequent beliefs.
( It is similar to what “Don Juan” in Carlos Castenada’s book “A separate reality” speaks of when he’s referring to ‘strands of light’ emanating from humans)
The second part of the cycle was dedicated to rehabilitation from HGH deficiency. (I was on HGH therapy from 4-16. ) This reformed my view on modern medicine. Sometimes the cure is just as horrible as the disease. But I am grateful that the data obtained from my medical records can now be used to mark the progress of others.
Around age nine I was the student of a very difficult teacher, who thought being abrasive should garner respect. She believed I was ‘faking’ a physical disease. At this point I went from a wide eyed boy to a rebel. I knew that this type of authority was wrong and that people ought to be treated with fairness.
I wished everyday that this professor would know what I went through. Later it was found that her grandson would develop the same disease.
I can only imagine her suffering. She’s never forgotten me. I hope she’s doing well.
During age ten my father had a ‘spiritual conversion’ to Catholicism. He became rather fanatical. Anything secular was evil. The media was a ‘giant liberal conspiracy’ and anything that contradicted the church was deemed wrong. My spiritual experience, my personal connection to God was referred to as ‘invalid.’ Even ‘dangerous’.
This is when I re-invented myself as a philosopher, studying comparative religion seeking the Truth of reality and God in the most complete way with my limited understanding.
(I briefly attended at 13 Catholic school, but I was ‘asked to leave’ i.e kicked out.)
(Insert high school years here, I began writing.)
My parents were having marital problems, which my mother attributed to me. To prove this not to be the case and to start out on my own I went to night school and summer school in order to graduate a year early. I attended Roger Williams University and was going to major in creative writing. At this point in life I became a traveler and a mini ‘bohemian’. I wrote poetry and hope was in my eyes.
My dreams of being a writer were said to be impractical by family and friends. The University was also subsequently ‘gutting’ the creative writing department to the horror of the student body. I went home for summer break and did not return.
While back at home I became a loner and became associates with various homeless in the community: feeling the world was a dark place. 9/11 coincided at this point in time. (Which is important to note because I live near Washington, D.C. close to the Pentagon)
During this time I became estranged from my best friend whose gossip spoiled countless others. I crumbled into depression.
In 2001 I applied to New York University and was accepted. I continued my studies as an English major, while writing poetry in my pleasure time. There were highs and lows, but I met kindred spirits who kept me going. I grew personally, professionally and spiritually while there. I became the scholar.
In 2004 I graduated. I worked various jobs including as an auctioneer clerk, a store designer and a brief stint in real estate (which ended in 2006 when the market turned south…)
During 2006 I moved to Denver to attend The Art Institutes in order to gain a separate degree in Graphic Design. While there I embarked on a path to create artwork using spray paints. Encouraged by friends to come up with a story for the work, I created ‘The Ones.’ Followed by ‘Gate to Eden.’ (acrylics) I was living out my dream as a writer even though I wasn’t really making any money out of it. I was inspired a bit by the swirling events at that time which basically dealt with my roommate’s heroin addiction, my obsession with a beautiful woman, my Godmother’s death from lue gerig’s disease and my mother’s illness from a hernia surgery.
I ended up broke by mid 2007 coinciding with my Godfather’s morbid depression over the loss of his wife and my mother’s ill health. To take care of her and him I moved back to D.C. (This also got me away from the negativity of my roommate and his habit which I tried to help him with but he would have none of it. He was a combination of a ‘punk rocker’ and Alester Crowley. A dangerous man)
By the end of 2007 I was in morbid depression again. I recovered by the beginning of 2008 by writing my third graphic novel, “Power of Three.” (acrylics). I also took my poetry from my digital website and formed a poetry compilation entitled, “Then Came The Rain.” This was poetry completed over the course of 5 years or so.
During the summer of 2008 I lived abroad in Sofia, Bulgaria. During that time I completed another book of poetry entitled, “Bulgarian Nights.” It was a time to reflect on life and where the next chapter was going.
In 2009 I am moving back to Denver, my work has been featured in Northern Virginia magazine, Elan Magazine, Voces Del Caribe as well as the international journal of comic art. I’m starting to see the fruits of my labor- finally seeing some satisfaction from following my dreams.
So…. I don’t know if that’s the answer you were looking for… I know it was really long winded, but I didn’t know how to answer that question without the background. How have I ‘changed’ or ‘reinvented’ myself? It’s never ending, but if I had to form an arbitrary list it’d be this:
-Spiritual Child
-Abused Child
-Rebellious Teen/Seeker
-Traveler/Bohemian
-Lost Soul
-Poet/Writer/Philosopher/Scholar
-Defeated Dreamer
-Painter, Writer, Chaos Magician
-Caretaker/Crestfallen
-Traveler (Again)
-Writer/Traveler… and counting.
I don’t know where this will take me…but this has been my journey.
If anybody actually read this post thanks… I know it’s long.
-C
PS- My homepage is my blue name. Also if you’re going to respond to my post… please be considerate. It’s hard to talk about some of these things.
Your life journey is inspiring, you never gave up. Hopefully my path will be revealed to me and I will be able to fufil my dreams with the same determination.
Dear Paulo,
I do not know how many times I reinvented myself, really reinvented I mean.
Not many times, just few, last time was a few years ago when The Alchimist helped me rise like The Bird Phoenix that rose from its ashes. Through pain, tears and helplessness I found the way out and up, up, up !
Well, I am ready again and on the way for new reinvention or could it be metamorphosis ?
Love
Luce
I’ve always reinvented myself, and I’m now at the process of reinventing myself again.
I feel it’s part of our growth process as evolving beings. We always strive to better ourselves. Perhaps you could say that is because we want to reach perfection, but what is perfection anyway? I believe it’s our imperfections that make us perfect. We reinvent ourselves because we’re shedding off some things that are no longer working for us in our path, we reinvent ourselves to feel better about ourselves, we reinvent ourselves to have a concrete or visible outcome of our inner struggles, we reinvent ourselves because nothing is constant in this world. Even love. Love changes. You can never say it stays the same because it, in itself, grows or evolves into something that say, make us want to reinvent ourselves.
“The Alchemist” has always been my favorite, Mr. Coelho. And in all the characters I saw myself. Not just in Santiago or Fatima… But also in the girl who listened to Santiago but never thought of him as special, and Melchizedek and the gypsy, the man who strived to be an alchemist, etc. Your book taught me I can speak to the Sun if I wanted to, because the Sun speaks to me. I sometimes just forget to listen.
Thank you for your gifts to the world and humanity. You are truly an inspiration.
Faith
I’m currently re-inventing myself as well as redefining who I am. The circumstances surrounding this change is that what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working, life has been quite stressful and as a result, a health ailment had to be addressed. I’m learning to make my health a priority and as a result I have to change much of what I was doing occupationally as well as recreationally.
Dear Paulo,
i suppose that the act and the rationale of reinventing yourself shall be first of all free from illusions. we have to know why we are doing it. from the very moment we know that, we have to pay attention to environmentality. as you say in your blog few can take up the burden of their own victory. there can be multiple psychology reason that will either direct us towards the path of our dreams or otherwise discourage us from keep doing it. at the moment we will say we will reinvent ourselves we actually bring into battle our inner truths. we have to pay attention to the sacred and not the blaspheme! the above words compose something like my primitive frame in most of the times i find myself to be reinvented. strongly directed from the above i am a community architect. that’s why i pay a lot of attention to the inner battles first of all, glory or persecution?? at the end of the day unless we own the ability to come up with solid and concrete arguments of what we do exactly and how we shall reinvent, then there will be strong probabilities of losing the tale, a virtual world a visual scenario with dark marks behind the scenes. when it comes to the frequency you write about in your article, a frequency of all the important and the little details of my life, i suppose it happens to me every day. so that i can feel peaceful enough and ready to go forward. have a nice time!!
For the longest of times I could remember I was never ashamed of who I was. I was always able to go out in public and be seen and not care who was there. That was when I was young.
Now I get very nervous just to go places because I feel people stare at me and they judge me and personally I don’t like that.
I would like to reinvent myself as a person who can let their guard down and take things as they come and not be ashamed of who is watching me.
Well,I must say thats a great theme.I reinvented myself several times in my not very long life,with complete changes ,with effort,courage,struggle.Many did not bet on me while i was teenager,for I was so sensitive and weak.With time I have learnt to “fight”,sure,after a very difficult time.Slowly life opened itself to me,and let me find its bright part.For one who passed through darkness ,was quite unbelivable.Was not to last for ever,so,one event made me search something missing,thats knowledge,a thing I adhore.Again I changed,very much.Now I have to shift ,foe my situation still not clear.I compared myself at times with the Phoenix bird,I was born again from my own ashes.
Reinventing myself actually internally? The past 4 years. Before that it was an external turnstile of the same results in completely different circumstances.
Melle
I lost count a long time ago.
There was a period in my life, of about ten years, when I never lived in any one city, or even one state for more than a year at a time. I counted it up once, wrote all the dates and places down on a piece of paper, and realized that, during that period of my life, I moved (completely reinventing my life each time) on average, every nine months.
I would be living my life, settling in, getting to know the place and make friends, and then,just as everything was beginning to fall into place and feel somewhat familiar, this overwhelming feeling would overtake me. I would feel like I was suffocating. I just had to get out – and get out NOW! At that point, no matter what job I had or how much it was paying, no matter how nice the city or the apartment I had rented, I would quit my job (often with little or no notice), pack up whatever of my things would fit in the camper shell on the back of my truck, sell the rest in a garage sale or give it away, and drive out to some new destination, usually one picked out from a travel guide I’d bought at the bookstore – ready to build a new life, ready to re-invent myself again. Sometimes I wouldn’t even move out of my apartment – just walk out and leave the keys on the counter in the kitchen, the door wide open. One time, I left from an apartment I’d rented in Pensacola, Florida, and it was a few days after Christmas. I didn’t even take the Christmas tree down, or the shelves I’d mounted on the walls, didn’t even take the furniture, which was mine. I simply walked out, leaving the Christmas tree intact, fully decorated, lights plugged in. My last glimpse, as I drove away was of the Christmas tree lights twinkling through the curtains in the living room window.
Each time I moved, it was for the same reason: because I felt like hermit crab that had outgrown his shell. I had to become someone else, someone completely other than the last “me” I had invented. This urge to become someone else was what drove me, and not only was it immanent and unavoidable – it was thorough and all-pervasive. I remember leaving from New Orleans once. I’d been there about nine months, living in an apartment in the French Quarter, just off of Rue Royale. When I started to pack my clothes, something came over me and I said, “No, this isn’t right.” None of the clothes seemed to belong to me, not to the me I knew I was about to become. I threw the suitcases in the car, empty. I took all of my clothes out of the closet and out of the drawers, except those I was wearing, and I stuffed them, still folded, still on the hangers, into several large, black garbage bags, which I lugged out to the curb and left sitting there, open, by a lamp post. When I went out to the car to get in and drive away, there was a transvestite – a large but stunning woman – bending over and rather guiltily digging through the bags, already having several dresses slung over her right shoulder. It seemed right to me, because I knew those frilly dresses belonged more to her than to the me I would be when I got where I was going. The new me would be wearing only tailored suits and close-toed pumps. But even that “me” wouldn’t last long either.
I have lived where I am now for three years. My days of moving incessantly and re-inventing myself in that way are over. At a certain point, one becomes tired of moving and going – just to sit and be quiet seems a blessing. All my suitcases and backpacks now are stored away at the very back of my walk-in closet, out of sight and thankfully out of mind.
And, yet, just yesterday, I turned over a new leaf on the calendar that hangs on the wall beside my computer: March 2009. In the first numbered square, in the top left-hand corner, I wrote, with a red sharpie pen:
It is a GOOD DAY…
to begin again!
I don’t know who I am becoming now – the picture is not clear yet – but I suspect the transformation will be a little more gradual and a little less shocking than those I used to endure. Two weeks ago, I decided to have a little party at my house, to which I invited only a few female friends. I called them up and told them, “It’s girl thing,” and explained that I had a few clothes that just didn’t “fit” me anymore, that I wanted to get rid of – if they were interested in coming over, having a glass of wine and picking through the pile, they could have whatever might fit them, as much as they could carry away with them. The day before the party, I went through my closet, trying on items and carefully scrutinizing each piece as I went. Before long, the whole bed was piled high in a mass of clothes that just didn’t “feel like me” anymore. The party was a success. Everyone had fun, trying on clothes and being very “girly” and silly. Some even brought clothes with them that, for whatever reason, didn’t fit them anymore.
I view these object, clothes and other household items which we amass over time and with which we surround ourselves, as more than just benign “objects”, outside of and apart from ourselves. These objects, in a way, tie up and bind energy. Energy that could be used, energy that could propel us into a whole new existence, a whole new way of being, if only we were willing to let go of them. We keep something although it doesn’t fit us, thinking, “Well, maybe it will fit…someday.” We keep things we don’t even like, things that were a mistake the day they entered our lives, feeling, “Well, it isn’t ‘me’, it isn’t what I would have or should have chosen, but now it’s in my life, and so I guess I should keep it.” Sometimes we don’t even notice these things, completely forget that they are there, and yet we have to deal with them and struggle with them – stumble over them – almost on a daily basis, to get top the things that are important to us in our lives.
I once had a piece of pottery, a large, green urn that sat on the floor and held curly willow, or whatever other type of dried flora I decided to drop into it. Every time I vacuumed the floor, I had to move it, which was no small chore; every time I moved to a new place, I had to decide where to put it; always it demanded that I decide what sort of flora it would hold and how that would be made to fit with my other decor. Then one day, I was sitting on my sofa and I looked at that urn, over by the door, and I thought, “My God, that urn is the oldest piece of living decor in my apartment – and I don’t even like it!” I had had that urn for almost twenty years, longer than any piece of furniture or any other decorative object in the house. Every time I moved, I packed it up and took it with me; and every time I arrived, I unpacked it and carefully placed it somewhere in the central room of my life. And it was big, and heavy, and, at least in my eyes by then, extremely ugly! I took that urn, not to the local re-sale shop, not to the donation station of a charity organization, but out to the big trash dumpster in the parking lot, where I lifted it up as high as I possibly could, and threw it in with all might, watching it crash to the floor of the metal dumpster and rupture into fragments. At the sound of it shattering, I gave a relived, almost gleeful sigh, so glad was I, at last, to be rid of that useless, ugly thing that I had lugged around and stumbled over and struggled with for so many years.
I don’t know what’s on the calendar for tomorrow, or next month, and I don’t yet have a clear picture of the person who will pick up that red Sharpie pen and write in the events of my coming life…I have only this keen sense of “becoming”, much like the sensation that the roots of trees must have when, in spring, they are revived by the soils emerging warmth. Something is stirring. Something is moving. Something is begging to be re-born or wholly re-invented. That something is me.
The buddhist point of view that there is no static “self” to be found is growing on me, but from my conventional, limited perspective, I’d say… twice, notably? The first instance was a couple of years ago, and had only to do with my self-confidence, and the second instance happened recently (is still happening, really), and has to do with my faith. Basically, a person I really admired revealed himself to be an atheist/absurdist/materialist, which forced me to take a good look at my belief system and, in some ways, restructure it. (Right now I’m leaning towards a hybrid of theistic existentialism, buddhism and Bahá’í, if that makes any sense.) The scientific/materialistic/nihilistic perspective of life makes me sick to my stomach, frankly, but the religious perspective relies so much on hope and instinct and so little on empiric proof and logic that I’m having trouble embracing it fully. Wish I could see mystery in the world, like you do, instead of meaninglessness — but even so, I wanted you to know that your books and your interviews and your life give me strength. Thank you.
Hola Paulo como esta bueno hoy es la primera vez que me tomo la decisión de responder hoy tu pregunta…. Sabe hoy comence casualmente a reinventarme los ultimos doce años de mi vida he vivido con mucho temor a vivir la vida cosa que pasaron en mi adolecencia que me llevaro a desarrollar miedos a vivir……… Pero hace dos dias una persona ha llegada a mi me conto sobre como una joven de unos 24 o 26 años decidio quitarse la vida lanzandose a las vias del metro …… me dio tanto sentimiento el pensar que esta muchacha tan joven practicamente contemporanea conmingo decidiera de esa manera termina con su vida que hizo que se me despertara un especie de chip mental. hoy es el primer dia en que he decido que ya el pasado quedo atras y que apartir de hoy hay nuevos comienzos y oportunidades en mi vida y dando gracias al universo por estar viva. muchas gracias por tus reflexiones cada dia…. actualmente leyendo con el rio que que fluye….
Hi Paulo good today as this is the first time I took the decision today to answer your question …. Know today started coincidentally to reinvent the past twelve years of my life I have lived with too afraid to live the life which went into my teens that I take to develop fears to live ……… But two days ago a person had come to me and told me about a girl about 24 or 26 years decided to commit suicide hit the roads of the metro …… gave me so much sense to think that this girl so young contemporary practice me decide so ended his life that made me wake up a sort of mental chip. Today is the first day that I decided that the past left behind and that as of today there are new beginnings and opportunities in my life and giving thanks to the universe to be alive. thank you very much for your thoughts each day …. currently reading the river that flows ….
LOVE… I met my love three times. The first we were children, neither one of us remember. The second we passed each other by at the opportunity to meet. He glanced at me, I turned the other way. When he left, I went to the door, I still remember what he was wearing. I was 19 at the time and with someone who was not good for me. I suffered for this. I would escape when I was 20. Returning with an unbroken spirit. I would meet my love again at the age of 23. The memory is still fresh. He would introduce himself to me with his full name. I looked in his eyes, and it took me a moment to speak. I never understood that feeling until now. This was also at a time in my life when I lost my little brother. My brother was a miracle, and I believe he was the pull that drove me as a child. So , the third chance, my love and I spend almost 2 years knowing each other. I would look into his eyes and could see everthing he wants to be. I’m the only one who believes in him. There is always someone in his circle, like a second force, resistant to change. Two years later we ar seperated. I left with clear resolve. Also pulling the victim card. Another two years later he loses his cat, which I find! This is how I come to look in the mirror. Often times when we think other people need to change, it is us. I looked at myself. I cried because I felt guilty. After tearing myself apart and seeing where I lack in virtues, he emerges like an angel of love and joy, much like the first time I met him. ( he came out looking better than I) So here I am. My mind has a goal much different than my heart. But I realized that I loved someone, simply because I loved him. And if I had a choice I would do it all over again. I close my eyes and wish he was here. I know that it is not my place to change another, but I am thankful to have known this love…* Oh I still have the cat!…*
I know that people can develop and change and perhaps improve or relapse. I know I am not the same person I was 6-7 years ago, but in a way I feel that I am more me. I have more information, I make less mistakes, am I re-invented? I don’t really know.
In order to generate change, one must do things differently in life to what they did before. So maybe in changing, we are being re-invented. Interesting choice of words and not ones that I would ever really use.
How do you re-invent a whole person? Can you really change the essence of a person, the one inside hidden away?
re·in·vent (rn-vnt)
tr.v. re·in·vent·ed, re·in·vent·ing, re·in·vents
1. To make over completely: “She reinvented Indian cooking to fit a Western kitchen and a Western larder” Irene Sax.
2. To bring back into existence or use: reinvented the concept of neighborliness.
Idiom:
reinvent the wheel
1. To do something again, from the beginning, especially in a needless or inefficient effort: “School districts need not reinvent the wheel every time they try to improve their schools” Washington Post.
2. To recast something familiar or old into a different form: “Call it reinventing the wheel or recasting old ideas, but these contemporary versions have a spirit and style all their own” New York Times.
According to the dictionary, I guess so.
Last week we became non-anonymous, this week we reveal our experiences with creating new self. Writing about that is definitely leaving private comfort zone. Oh well, lets go with the flow :-)
I think I re-invented myself lots of times but there were two major events in my life when I changed my appearance, my role and even my name in very significant way and of course I was trying to change my mind as well. First time when I decided to take my spiritual life to the next level and got ordained as a Buddhist nun. I was preparing myself for that for a while but with the very moment of my ordination I was given new name, new clothes, I cut my hair – of course these are just outer changes but they really had a big impact on how I thought about myself, they were definitely helping me to become the person I wanted to be. Because of my outer appearance people were expecting certain behavior from me and every time I put my robes on I would remember who I now was. I was creating this new person, I was behaving like ordained person and I was believing that this new person this is who I really am. After few years I didn’t have to create so much anymore because I imputed my I completely on ordained person. I even noticed that if anyone called my previous name I didn’t associate myself with it anymore. It was like I have always been ordained with this new appearance and this previous person became just a distance memory. It was like thinking about someone else.
Few years into my ordination I decided to become lay person again. So again I had to re-invent myself. Funny enough getting into society life was much harder then getting into my ordained life. Again I had to change the way I think about myself, the way I look and sometimes the way I behave. But I wasn’t the person I left when I got ordained, now I was brand new person.
Anyway, the whole experience thought me many things but one that is relevant to this topic is that what we actually are is no more than the thought in our mind. It can be very liberating for all those who take themselves too seriously :-)
in my late teens, i walked into a bathroom to find my brother, my closest of friends, my heartbeat, dead, sprawled out on a toilet, ended by an heroine overdose. my life, my breath, seemed to have left me at that very moment. i did not know how to walk, breath, scream, cry, move. i simply stopped.
it has been ten years since that moment, and it is still very much a part of me, but it has forced me to transform, readapt, realign… at times, i wonder if i am sane, if i am capable of moving beyond a moment in my life that left me utterly destroyed…
i used to go to his grave site and read to him, usually kahlil gibran as a way of connecting with his absence, but eventually i simply had to break away, move away, lose myself into the turbulent depths of life…
as a result, i am now many chapters of a life, many characters harnessed into one. i have reinvented my life ten thousand times over. at first, it was to mask the pain. then i realized that the loss of him was becoming something selfish, as if i were hoarding this pain i thought to be so unique to me. but then i came to realize that death is not the tragedy we so harshly decree, it is a transition, a meditation, a distance our eyes are not meant to see…
to reinvent is to blossom, to go from the caterpillar to the butterfly…
Paul from Austria
- your answer says alot… and I wish you well ;o)
Too often and all the time since I like so many different things and change my mind constantly.We evolute,we change just like the world.We suffer,we hurt,we learn,we cry,we laugh,we live,we die,we reborn,we reinvent ourselves everyday I think.
:P Sorry, I forgot to change my automatic profile, heheh
I’ve had to re-invent myself several times so far, a major terraformation undergoing right now.
- When I found a field I wanted and I realized I’m not ready for it, from personality to knowledge and mindset, I wanted to become someone else, someone suitable.
- When I immigrated to a new country and found myself with all roots severed. I had to grow new limbs to myself fast. I also had to learn not being lonely when alone.
- When I realized I am disappointed with life/love, not because it hasn’t met the world’s standards, but because inside I thought it would be more than tears, much more than that. When I had to walk away from a man I loved that would not stop pursuing multiple women and putting them (and me) trough endless hell, see him accusing me of abandoning love, see all of them capitalizing on me declaring the foreverness of their love, and still believe inside me my truth was an act of love, still believe I can love and I can be loved.
- When I see some of the hardships my parents are causing themselves because they gave up on improving themselves after the first failures when they were young. When I see that, I know I must keep re-inventing myself, proving myself I can change, I can always improve. To me is a necessity for peace of heart, to them I am horrifyingly instable.
It’s not always something major, heavy. The simplest things can be life-transforming.
- When at 26 I realized I never had a bike and always wished I rode a bike. I endured days of being ridiculed by loved ones and strangers while I kept falling and bruising. I guess an old hippopotamus learning to ride a bike can be a thing to ridicule. I know I kept thinking why all the opposition on something as simple as a bike? It’s not drugs, or free-falling, is just learning to ride a bike. Where does it say it should only be done as a kid? I did it, and that bike saved the child in me many times after that. Whenever I wanted to try something and people (or myself) jump say it can’t be, it shouldn’t be. Because I went trough all that with a bike I took roller-blading the next year. Than skiing. I can gallop when I ride a horse. I skydive. I dance. Start nutrition make-over’s and stick to them. Compose poems and songs without shame. And soon, make more dreams come true.
Now, right now is for myself, not to win anyone else, or to succeed, I already have done it in two continents and I can clearly see how I can take it to the next level. Is to become closer to my heart, to my dreams ( the ones I can tell and the ones still hiding inside me, without clearly showing their longing). Is to reinvent all the rules of my life, and prove to myself the only rules are the ones we limit ourselves to. To reach more meaning, and to live and love.
I’ve heard some people do that with life
Love and courage of craziness,
Anca
Muy buenos días Sr. Coelho, soy también una seguidora de las actuaciones o de las películas dirigidas por Eastwood, creo que él es un excelente actor y directos a la vez. Vi la película Changeling la cual creo nos logro transmitir con mucha delicadeza el servicio policial de Chicago en ese tiempo; así como la compostura de una madre ante la pérdida de su único hijo.
Por otro lado, retomando el tema de cuantas veces he tenido que reinventarme a mi misma eso me ha ocurrido tres veces, la primera fue cuando era una adolescente y sentía que era el ser más extraño del mundo, me consideraba el personaje de Kafka, y a través de un libro maravilloso que leí, llamado “El Alquimista” de su autoría, me entendí a mi misma mejor, aquella adolescente tímida extraña y sin sueños de repente se convirtió en una joven emprendedora y soñadora; mis sueños se volvieron más intensos en mi ser. Ese sueño de adolescente de llegar a estudiar en un país extranjero se convirtió en mi norte en mi sentido de cada día esforzarme mejor para poder construirlo ser notada por alguien que algún día me diera una beca para estudiar en el exterior, y así fue, gane el sueño. La segunda vez que me reinventé, fue cuando tuve que partir de casa a un país, una cultura y a todo un idioma distinto del mío. En esta etapa de mi vida, debí dejar de ser una adolescente para convertirme en toda una joven responsable, líder, y emprendedora. Ir a un país distinto como los Estados Unidos a estudiar, partir de un país del “tercer mundo,” como nos llama, no fue tarea fácil, el adaptarse a su forma, su idioma, su gente, fue un proceso arduo pero gratificante al final. Solo imagínese usted, una muchacha ingenua y sencilla en un lugar tan agresivo y directo como esa, fue todo un reto. La tercera vez y el periodo en el que estoy de reinventar mi vida, es el de adaptarme de nuevo al cambio, de regresar de un país desarrollado a mi país del tercer mundo, regresar a ser parte de la fuerza laboral a tomar parte en la responsabilidad de ayudar a mi familia en lo económico. Todo este cambio de mentalidad ha sido otro camino de mucha enseñanza, he tenido que saber que ya no vivo en ese lugar tan agresivo y a veces un tanto frio para volver a ser parte en ese sentido ingenuo y sencillo que por condición debemos vivir ya que no disfrutamos de ciertos placeres a los cuales me acostumbre en dos años de ser una estudiante de intercambio en el extranjero. Finalmente Paulho te quiero decir que esta pregunta me ha ayudado mucho porque la verdad no me la había hecho antes, y ahora entiendo más de mi misma sobre las etapas que he tenido que transcurrir para ser lo que soy ahora. Te puedo adelantar que siento se me está avecinando una cuarta etapa de reinventar mi vida, después te cuento cuando este cien por ciento seguro que la estoy viviendo.
Besos y abrazos., estoy leyendo a Brida.
I like to think I reinvent myself daily, every time I awake in the morning, every time I sit (I am a meditator).
We are ever-learning and ever-growing from moment to moment, so the self is always transforming.
Thank you Paulo for always taking your readers to a deeper place. For me re-invention is multi-layered. On the outside is what others see (for me when I left my career in the corporate world), but that is the outward evidence of the re-invention. As most of your readers have mentioned the more internal layer can be occurring many times a day if you are that kind of person. In other words, if you are consciously choosing to evolve, then you are aware, you are the stalker of your SELF and you are continuously and consistently re-inventing. Eventually, and with practice, it will show up on the outside.
Love,
Sherryb (EvolutionInConsciousness.blogspot.com)
Mr. Coelho,
can I call you Paulo? You are my hero, I never had any heroes growing up, but when i read your book, I knew you were my hero and you are the only one I’ve had! Thank you so much for being who you are.
I re-invent myself all the time.
Reasons of loss or gain, or boredom, or even for a day, any occasion really,
the reason being to explore different realities.
xxoo
I have to reinvent myself almost every day it’s our greatest challenge! reinvent your life to continue your path! And this happens in every situation; job, family, friends.
the law is: always change to be faithful to your dreams.
have a nice day
Paulo, I’ve had that happened to me so many times I feel I am about to have enough of it. I was a teacher once. I taught for 13 years. Published a book thinking that would turn the table and then I dived into technology (one of my passions) and here I am, about to leave the boat after a successful career in marketing and sales to obey my call and work as a psychologist.
I believe this will be the last time I will reinvent myself (under my decision, of course). Change seems to be hurting people I live with because they do not readapt as fast as I do. Pity they do not understand this is what gives meaning to my life. If only they could see through my eyes. My father once told me he felt sorry he could only give me his knowledge, but not his life time experience. I know what he meant today.
One of the constants of the universe is change. Everything is constantly moving. I don’t know whether or not the universe reinvents itself, but if I had to bet I would say – yes, the All reinvents itself everytime.
All the best,
Hernán
P.S. If you don’t see my postings so very often, fear not. I am reinventing myself once again.
Hi Paulo,
Like what you mentioned in your book, the Alchemist, “It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is…
…there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.”
I would think that your readers and I have benefited greatly from your decision to become a writer against all odds in which you have to reinvent yourself many times to pursue your personal legend.
*Smiles*
It may seem like a simple decision to make but definitely not easy to action upon.
–
For me,
I was an Engineer, it seems like a logical choice because I did pretty well in it to have won some awards while in University, to stay in this field would most likely lead to a pretty comfortable career path.
But I wasn’t fulfilling my personal dream, to become an entrepreneur, to be involved in a people orientated environment instead of facing paper layouts and machines who couldn’t talk back. However, I did nothing then to change the situation because I thought that I will be happy doing something that gave me food and water, and after saving enough, to marry my girlfriend of three years and start a family.
But things were not to be, things happened and we parted our ways.
After losing the most important person in my life in that period of time, life changed, it wasn’t what it was as before and the path which it would lead to for the future…it wasn’t the same anymore…I realized at that moment that there is a choice then, to choose between moving forward in a path that no longer will lead to where I was going, or choose one, the one which involves pursuing my own “Personal Legend.”
I chose what Santiago and you have chosen before :)
Like you mentioned, it is certainly not an easy and familiar path to change paths in the middle of the course of life, to reinvent and reframe many aspects of life which we were used to for most of our lives.
I have too, walked a long hard Pilgrimage while pursuing my “Personal Legend,” a journey for which only love and passion could fuel. The path is simple, just move ahead towards the goal, but not easy to accomplish because of the inner fears and doubts of self at time no matter how confident we are.
But in return for the choice of this journey filled with worries and insecurity, was a precious treasure, the joy of truly living :)
Paulo, on behalf of readers like me who have been learnt many life lessons through your writings, thank you. For your stories you have written and the true life story of the journey of your life have greatly influenced and inspired not only me but many around the world.
Your Reader and friend from Singapore,
Eric Chua( @maynaseric )
Clint!!! As for me the best director of the United States. I simply adore his movies, and the atmosphere in it. I wish I could work with him. So much. Until now, I never tried to, that’s true.
As “Gran Torino” is on our screens here, I thought about this the day before yesterday, hearing about him on the radio. I heard he’s 71 years old here,n and 78 there. Well…
He’s a “monster”
As for the question, I guess I reinvented myself everyday in older times, but now I’m a bit lazy to. Though I could do it for little things I see yet.
Makes me think, we maybe get stuck somewhere in the locker room, in the case we leave the hurdle race…
Good week Paulo.
Dear Paulo,
Your questions are always so thought-provoking. While I feel as though I have lived several different lifetimes in just this one, I don’t believe that I have ever reinvented myself. I have changed as people do with experience and years, but never thought of reinventing myself. Perhaps, I never had a chance to think of it; my life has always been full of changes, I just kept up.
I do understand why a person might feel the need or the desire to reinvent him/herself, I just never did.
Thank you, Paulo. I have learned so much from you, and I just learned a bit more.
May I say thank you, again? You are such a light in my life!
With love,
Diane
Just about every day!
On a grander scale, every time I have moved house(and area) I have become outwardly a different person. Since I have moved a large number of times, as well as changed career a number of times, not to mention all my cells being replaced every so many years anyway, I am not who I was and I am not who I will be.
And yet the core of me remains, unchanged and unchanging.
Olá Paulo, Bom dia!
Bom, eu comecei a escrever em seu blog na fase final da minha grande reinvenção pessoal. O cenário é este: Confusão espiritual com relação ao mundo, Cursando 2 cursos superiores ao mesmo tempo e não satisfeito com nenhum deles, Muitos sonhos os quais não seguiam o currículo de uma Grande Escolar, Morte de alguns parentes, como a minha avó que eu escrevi aqui, Aneurisma Cerebral da minha Namorada e finalmente, muita força de vontade para fazer tudo acontecer. Isso tudo ainda não terminou, porém, por coincidencia ou não, hoje é justamente o dia em que o novo ciclo, do trabalho para realizar os sonhos, se dá início.
Espero realizar os meus sonhos, e estarei sempre escrevendo neste blog. Parabéns por tudo, pois é inspirador o seu trabalho. Tudo de bom e abraços grandes!
hmm – i am constantly evaluating and re-evaluating with respect to my overall life goal, person legend etc..
yet i would say in effect about three times…
once when i was five – in response to a serious incident which i wanted to be of help/service..
then for university … to cope with the leap from an all girls school to the wider world; and after depression, isolation at school..
then a later transformation – after illness continued; re-evaluation of priorities in life, who i was, what i was seeking in life, etc..
and i am sure there are around two more to go… so that’s 5 out of 9 lives ;o)
Oooh… so often!
I think it is every time when there is a major change in the “love-area”. Meaning; when I leave somebody, when somebody leaves me, when a loved one dies.
When all emotions are turned upside down because of this, when people with love you thought were always going to be there are not there anymore in a visible way, that is for me the time to re-invent myself and find new ways and new meaning for life.
One hás to re-invent themselve in order to keep living, if one stays stuck in the same behaviour as before the change, one will not grow and will freeze up in coldness.
Love!
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