The Everyday Masters – Part 5

Paulo Coelho

Today is the last entry I publish here of my friend’s diary about the everyday masters:

Old boyfriends

Today a friend asked me what all my boyfriends have in common. The answer was easy: ME. And when I said this, I realized how much time I have lost looking for the right person – because they change, while I stay the same and get nothing out of what we live together.

What makes me distance myself from men who could be important in my life? The need always to be in control. The odd thing is that when I begin to feel jealous, or when I can no longer stand the amorous relationship, men who were so independent and so full of themselves turn into scared little lambs. They become afraid of losing me. At that moment I can no longer respect them and the relationship becomes impossible.

My friend insisted: “Have you ever loved anyone?” I have always been afraid of that question, but Paulo asked me to write this diary and so I have to give an answer. No, I have never loved anyone. I have had many men but I have always waited for the right person. I have been all round the world and have not managed to find the home that I am looking for. I have been in control and have been controlled, and relationships have never gone beyond that.

Now that I have answered “No, I have never loved anyone,” I feel freer. I see what is missing in my life.

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Comments

  1. unique says:

    i neet to know more of u

  2. Ca says:

    Querido Mestre,

    Os comentarios aqui deixados foram tão maravilhosos, que eu prefiro somente agradecer… obrigada, mto obrigada!

    MARG,sempre…

    Ca

  3. […] via The Everyday Masters – Part 5 at Paulo Coelho’s Blog. […]

  4. THELMA says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qadsTNUkw88
    Giannis Kotsiras singing a tender, erotic, Greek song.
    LOVE,
    Thelma

  5. orly says:

    love its a really superior feeling,,,
    and some poeple r waiting to find this wonderful love which they only know from the stories, the movies, the blogs etc,,,
    but some times when u meet the one u know-thats this one is the perfect one,,, but many times we meet one and we almost sure -thats the one,,,
    and than ONE DAY- we find out that its a mistake,,,
    one day it also happen NOT NOT NOT as a co incidense- that we know thats the one IS HERE,,,, and than its not easy— u r in ur commitment,,, and u have to do ur choice,,,
    so life is as all we know just so special-interesting- novel -soap opera- drama etc for all of us,,,
    and go figure out what to do—
    follow dreams??? wait???
    o my G-d
    i wish we whould all know the solutions!!!!

  6. flora says:

    Life should be seen as a path for collecting experiences and we may or may not experience love along this path. Do not question nor hesitate about this life that you have but rather you should be receptive and let life takes you to the unknown.

    Take it easy and love will come when you least expect it.

  7. Pandora says:

    I have studied astrology, and it is no accident.

    It is Destiny. I have known and loved a soulmate, there are no rules, because you cannot possess the air that you breathe.

    It is in you and without you, it cannot be caught like a butterfly, its beauty lies in the freedom of its wings of love.

    Eros pierced his own flesh with a golden arrow of love, so he could unite with Psyche, finding love and feeling loved in return is the greatest joy.

    Beyond words, beyond space, beyond time. Two made one flesh, the return to Paradise. The fulfilled Love.

    Eros & Psyche’s divine child is tellingly called “Pleasure”.

    “Of the portents recorded in ancient tales many did happen and will happen again”. Plato

    Thank you.

  8. THELMA says:

    I am not here to .. judge, although saying our comments make us automatically being in that position.
    Since I was a child I valued every ‘sentiment’ I had for every boy I had even a short meeting or a word or a .. glance. Every person is a Universe, an undiscovered land with its .. treasures. Every sharing minute with another person brings changes in our .. Universe! We become richer, more colourful, more beautiful, just because someone has looked at us and gave us a piece of his Soul, his love. I think with tenderness everyone who has made my heart .. tremble and melt, although this may have occurred only in my .. fantasy.
    The big love is the one that makes you being .. hypnotized by the other person. The desire and the happiness to even sit and look and listen to your beloved’s voice. The complete surrender of our Egoism to the Divine feeling. We may express it or not, it depends on our Destiny. The mark of that ‘meeting’ is in our Soul for ever. It also carries the halo of the Ideal Love!! Why, I wonder? Because it has been only in our .. dreams, never being fulfilled, never ..being … in flesh. The unfulfilled love, I think, is the strongest and .. permanent, because it has always been a … distant Star!
    To … ‘search’ for .. Eros, or the Divine Love, I think is the wrong .. procedure!! “If it is going to come, it will come, otherwise it will ..pass over!!”, a Greek poem says!! Eros comes unexpectedly and does not follow any … plan. Just open yourselves and listen to the beats of .. your hearts, the ..trembling feet, the … butterflies in your .. stomach and the ‘shining eyes’ as Paulo Coelho says. The meeting of two .. Stars in ..Harmony. The Soul mate.
    LOVE,
    Thelma

  9. Marie-Christine says:

    Vi si mi referisco a e vostro interno.
    La piccola voce che e dentro di voi la voistra guida per
    Il DNA cosa che si sono constituiti , la vostra forza, la tua punti deboli, il vostri valori, le vostri sogni, le vostre speranze, la tua imperfezioni. Affrontare le paure. Il modo per scrivere. La sua unicita. Lio che ti fa brillare. Il “tu” che alimenta la tua anima la “Voi” che trova e conosce la lingua del l’Amore Universale e la Liberta. Che “Si” e all’interno di tutti noi.
    *************************************************************
    “Usted” me referio es tu yo interior.
    La poca voz que esta dentro de Usted para giarlo. Su ADN – lo que estan hechas de. Sus puntos fuertes, sus debilidades, sus valores, sus suenos, sus esperanzas, sus imperfeciones. Enfrenta sus temores – la forma que Usted escribir.Su singularidad que te hace brillar.
    “Usted” que alimenta su alma. La “Usted” que encuentra y conoce el idioma del Amor Universal y la Libertad. “Usted” es dentro de todos nosotros.
    *************************************************************
    O que eu lhe diz respeito ao seu amago.
    A voz que e pouco dentro de voces paro nos orientar. Seu DNA aquilo que sao feitos. Os seus pontos fortes, os seus pontos fracos, os seus valores, os seus sonhos, os vossas esperancas, sua imperfeicoes. Os seus receios confrontacao. A forma como escriver. A sua singularidade. O que o torna brilhar. “Voce” que alimenta a sua alma. A “Voce” que reencontra e conhece a Linguagem do Amor Universal e a Liberdade. “Voce” que esta dentro todos nos.
    *************************************************************
    You – The You I refer to is : Your inner-self, the little voice that is inside of you to guide you, Your DNA – what you are made of -Your strengths, your weaknesses, your values, your dreams, your hopes, your imperfections, confronting your fears, the way you write, your uniqueness, what makes you shine, the “You” that feeds your soul, the “You” that finds and knows the Language of the Universal Love and Freedom, That “You” is inside all of us.
    ************************************************************
    Toi
    Le “Toi” dont je fais reference est :
    . Ton fort interieur,
    . cette petite voix interieure qui te guide,
    . ton ADN – ce dont tu es fait – tes qualites, tes defauts, tes valeurs, tes reves, tes espoirs, tes imperfections –
    . confronter tes peurs,
    . la facon dont tu ecris,
    . ton charactere exceptionnel,
    . ce “toi” si rayonnant,
    . ce “toi” qui nourrit ton ame.
    . Le “toi” qui cherche , trouve et connait le Languange Universel de l’Amour et de la Liberte.

    Ce “Toi” est en chacun de nous.

    Marie-Christine

  10. Nancy says:

    Jenovia, your comment has given me some comfort, and a better view. I do strive for amorous love, and think it will help me solve my problems. It has changed a bit now.

  11. Laura says:

    Only when we are content about ourself, without the fear of been hurt and the fence that we built around us to protect us from feeling vulnerable, is when we are ready to fall in love. The problem is that not always the right person crosses our path.
    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Only God can love like that. For the rest of us that have not fallen in love, fallen out of love or have simply given up on love, we can only wait for the right time.
    “A time to love, and a time to hate;
    a time of war, and a time of peace”.

  12. Angeline16 says:

    It is sad to never have fallen in love but I think that there is always time for everything. That being in love will come naturally and it will come unexpectedly.I think that one cannot wait for love to come because it will come in it’s own time.

    Angeline

  13. poonam menaria says:

    hi pualo,
    This is poonam from India. How beautiful peeople describe their feelings on your blog. i wonder at the beauty of vivid experiences people have in their lives, be it the friend you have posted a diary of.

    Every person has his/her perception of world and always have choices to make and they do that, all of us. how varied the path seems, beautiful, with lot of confusions, tragedy, sadness, joy or any emotion we can think of…leads us to the same one(its diffrent that some realise and some may not)…one higher self or oneness with the divine…and ‘I’ is part(i mean our own self…which is a part of supreme)and lets satrt loving our own self and in turn spread that love outwards.
    God bless, everyone!
    love and peace
    Poonam

  14. Anna M says:

    JENOVIA,

    What you wrote just inspired me. It’ SO TRUE. Sometimes, in the search of a soulmate to love ’til eternity, we forget all that love that’s given to us every day and that make our lives really special. What’s important is not to have a soulmate, what’s important is just TO LOVE, everyone, all the time.

    Thank you for your beautiful and inspiring words,

    Anna

  15. Sandra says:

    Fidelity by Regina Spektor. Listen closely to the lyrics.

  16. lynne says:

    and now she knows, and as she is free she understands the learning, wonderful. Imagine it just kept happening, honest old lesson but not getting it………..she truly is a warrior

  17. andrea says:

    a melhor maneira de melhorar uma situacao é reconhecer…

  18. Irina Black says:

    “A bed of roses.”It’s a title of the book,which will be never written,because there is another side of the story to be mentioned:”A bed of nails”.You have to try both in life.There are no”rights” and no “wrongs”-there are “Arrivals” and “Departures” on the way,called “life”,nothing can be done about it.But,there is one thing,which could be done graciously:HOW we do meet it.A relationship is subsisting,when it makes you more yourself.
    ,otherwise why to have it,why to keep each other imprisoned?

  19. toni j says:

    Dearest Paulo, I thank your friend for sharing her diary. I have experienced similiar patterns and what I learned was spending so much time looking for the right person, can cause you to not see the one who is there. Different ideals are often what bring people closer. Love is freedom, not control, it is making us who we are and less of who we’ve been…*

  20. maja says:

    every person find what is searching for..its simply, when we love sombody we try to change that person,we bacame selfish and make everything to belowed person lose its freedom,thats love for a lot of people… J am a woman of desert ,BUT ABOVE ALL j am still woman

  21. Carina says:

    ps. I forgot to add that Edition No. 181 of Paulo’s The Warrior of Light Newsletter does a great job of explaining the different forms of love. It’s a great read and may shed some insight on the point I try to convey.

  22. Carina says:

    It’s fine to have never fallen in love in the romantic sense but to remain open to the possibility of love. Perhaps the diary’s writer need is to experience and share love not in one of it’s lesser forms like eros or philia but in its highest form agape. The fact that she knows what is missing might be a good start in her journey to fulfilling what she knows is missing.

    I really enjoyed reading the post because in it, I think it enables us to be introspective and evaluate our relationships with ourselves and our past or current partners.

  23. Anca says:

    Her courage is admirable! To dare to look inside of you, in the very corner you fear, and understand who you want to become.

  24. Anna M says:

    Love. It’s such a complicated word. Yet, so simple.
    Love lies in just giving your best and getting your partner’s “best” back. That’s why it’s called your “complement”, you complement yourselves. That’s it.
    Other than that, I don’t think that love can really be understood, because it has a different meaning everyone. It comes in different names, shapes, languages, religions, minds. But still, it gives us all, the same beautiful feeling.
    I’m not ashamed to say I’ve loved lots of men. Some of them, haven’t loved me back. But at least I can say I experienced that beautiful feeling, and I gave away all of me, my best. If it wasn’t enough, it was because they just weren’t the ones for me. I’m not saying that love won’t hurt, IT HURTS really bad sometimes, but it’s all worth it when you finally get the chance to find your other half, the one that really complements you and makes you happy. And the only way to find him or her is by opening your door and letting love get in. You might get a couple of broken hearts, but if you’re consistent and truly believe in the “love sharing experience” someday you’ll find your TRUE LOVE passing through that door, and by that, through your heart.
    Don’t forget that the whole LOVE EXPERIENCE is only true if shared. If you act like the author of the diary you might never find your true love, because you just want to recieve, but you don’t share.

    Wishing you lots of love, love, LOVE,

    Anna

  25. Savita Vega says:

    “Love’s Divine” by Seal
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0hzkkYk-qY

    —————–
    Dear Paulo, I think your friend is very brave, allowing you to share her diary here online. Please send her my thanks. Reading her words this week, especially about love relationships has caused me to think and to question my own choices I’ve made and patterns I’ve subconsciously adopted over the years. I have loved, but perhaps I have never loved well.

    For example, when I consider your friend’s question – What do all my former boyfriends have in common? – it frightens me to even begin to contemplate the answer. I am a Sagittarius, through and through – fire is my element, and it is in the heat of the furnace that I feel most at home. I think most of my former lovers were feral creatures, living on the fringes of society in one way or another, wild beasts with whose savage beauty I became enchanted. The problem is always the same: to tame the wild beast, you must take the beast out of the forest, and when you take the beast out of the wilderness and the wilderness out of the creature, the once beautiful beast becomes a sad and pathetic domestic animal. That is when I leave…although I usually never get that far – wild creatures are sly when it comes to nets and cages. Sometimes they can even be ferocious and dangerous when hemmed in too closely.

    And then, on the other hand, there were the men who had no wildness in them, the ones I tried to love – the ones whom, logically, I “should” have loved – but couldn’t. And all of those went up like ashes carried on the winds of a wildfire, because they could not withstand the heat of this furnace I call “love.”

    Funny, though! I once had a dream about this nameless, faceless man who was all water: I was swimming in a lake or the ocean – in some bottomless and seemingly infinite body of water – and, suddenly, there he was, at my side, and we were swimming, and I could no longer touch bottom, and then, suddenly, he had hold of me and he was dragging me under, and though I tried to resist, no effort on my part could withstand the force he was exerting upon me, no maneuver on my part could free my wrist from his tightly clinched fist, and he was dragging me down, down, down, and I could feel my lungs screaming for air as the light above us grew dim, and then, just as I knew that I was destined to drown, I inhaled, and with enormous surprise, found that I was not drowning at all – I was breathing water!!! And then, in that same instant, we were intertwined in one another’s arms, wrapped in one another’s limbs, wound about each other like snakes or dragons, and then, in a flash of blue-blinding brightness, we were become one. No longer two being, two separate entities, but fire and water intermingled and completely fused – a singular creature, complete and whole.

    I still wonder sometimes who that man was…or is? If I will someday meet him? Or perhaps already know him from somewhere? The dream was so vivid, so real – to this day it still haunts me from time to time. When I think of it, it doesn’t seem like a dream at all, but a real experience, either already passed…or yet to come.

    Thank you for reminding me of this.

    Sincerely,
    Savita

  26. Jenovia says:

    I don’t think you NEED to have amorous love to be fulfilled. This is false and not what God teaches us. We learn from love in general and ALL of our love relationships..whether it be from a parent, a sibling, a cousin, a best friend, a mentor. Just because amorous love is so glorified does not give it the utmost importance. What is important is being able to recognize relationships that you can learn from and in turn the other person learns from you. This is even possible for yourself. You can have a grand love affair with your very own soul…go through ups and downs, all the while learning valuable lessons that will affect you for the rest of your life. The propaganda that is in our society influencing us to think that we ‘NEED’ to find a soul mate and that soul mate is someone that matches our sexual orientation feels wrong to me. The relationships that I have learned from most were not of an amorous nature and in fact they are STILL going. The love between my sisters, my closest cousin, and the one with myself. I am not opposed to finding a mate to love long term…I’ve never refused this kind of love in my life…but it is also something that I don’t STRIVE for. If it happens it happens…if not..there is soooo much love in my life I wouldn’t feel incomplete.

    The relationships that you acquire most from are the long term ones. This is where growth can take place. EVERYONE loves….at least one person in their life and THAT is a blessing.

  27. MIT says:

    Dear Friends

    If you want to catch him and keep him, please, open this link. I have a testimony that I grow with this program. Because, I felt the need to be in control. http://www.catchhimkeephim.com/NALA

    This is a short letter that I have been reading every day from: ChristianCarter@catchhimandkeephim.rsys1.com

    Dear Maria,

    Have you ever broken up with a man and spent
    weeks, months or even YEARS daydreaming about the
    day he would call to say he made a MISTAKE?

    …that you’re the ONE woman for him after all,
    and that he wants you back in his life – forever?

    Have you ever been “haunted” by a man through your
    dreams at night, causing you to feel “in a fog”
    the entire next day about him?

    Have you cried and despaired over a break-up
    because you felt like you’d NEVER find a man who
    UNDERSTOOD and LOVED you the way that one special
    guy did?

    Do you torture yourself with daydreams about him
    coming back to you and asking you for a real
    commitment this time? Daydreams that feel cruel in
    comparison to what the REALITY is?

    Break-ups can be gut-wrenching, painful times in
    our lives.

    Believe me, men suffer through them just as much
    as women do (we just don’t like to admit it –
    especially to our guy friends).

    If you’re like most women, you probably have a
    certain “PATTERN” that you go through after a
    break-up.

    You feel things a certain way, and you do certain
    things to make yourself feel better or to lessen
    the pain or shame of feeling DUMPED.

    It’s normal to want to avoid PAIN and feel better
    if we can.

    If you were a glutton for pain, you’d be having a
    whole different kind of problem that I couldn’t
    help you with!

    The problem isn’t with wanting to avoid pain.

    The problem is when we do things that we THINK
    will lessen our pain, and these actions actually
    INCREASE PAIN in the long run!

  28. Alexandra says:

    well,is bad.Is possible that the right person not yet arrived,but I loved .Lack of love is just a bad sign,in my opinion.Who is that person,anyways?Dis she know that love is not always same? (added by Mobile using Mippin)

  29. Carmen Larisa says:

    Not being able to love is very sad and horrible. The essence of life is love and viceversa. Suffering comes when we don’t open up our hearts and minds to love.
    Selfishness keeps people away from true love, from being able to offer their soul without expecting anything in return. Your friend should stop thinking about herself so much and start thinking about others’ benefit more. When you love, you are really joyful and no one and nothing can give us that fulfilment offered by love, no fame, money and something similar from the exterior.
    Even if we are an ordinary person or let’s say Madonna, if we don’t love, the inside of us becomes dry if we are selfish. My opinion is that only unconditional love makes us feel complete, useful, generous, peaceful and at the same time, appreciating the beauty of life which also lies in the quality of our feelings! :o)

    Lots of hugs and all the best in the whole world,
    Carmen Larisa

  30. sherry says:

    I’ve really enjoyed the posts from your friends journal. Please consider posting more.

  31. Catherine says:

    How did Paulo’s phrase in the bow, arrow, target go…

    “just as intention seeks its objective, the objective likewise seeks man’s intention, ”

    sometimes you need to look for a better target
    further afield or where you might least expect
    away from the predictable ?