What is more important to be loved or to love?
Dear Sylvia,
I think that if you could only choose one solution”: the best is to love. When you are in love, you live this miracle and you feel this strength.
On the other hand – to be loved – without the counterpart of loving is unbearable.
Your question though reminded me of a song by a very famous Brazilian singer: Roberto Carlos – “I will only love someone who loves be back”. This in my view is the perfect configuration.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I have learned through the eyes of an injured child that the greatest gift God has given me is the opportunity to love her. Maybe some day she will love me back. Maybe not. But to be fulfilled as a human being all I need is to love her and for her to know and believe that she is deserving of love.
Atma Namaste to all!
For me? Both! To love and to be loved! Love is my religion!
Beijo, Paulo!
Kiss, everyone!
Marta
It is not easy to be unselfish. To put others, whether loved ones or strangers ahead of ourselves. But as we learn to appreciate and be thankful for all the abundance (not necessarily monetary) we have been blessed with, we will realised the gratification to love and pleasure to be loved.
Yes, dear/est Paul from Austria, we love every minute and every soul that has given us, even a glance, a butterfly’s touch, a smile..
Every ‘nuance’ of the EROS+FILIA+LOVE is our … real self. It is the gifts that have coloured our Aura, until we become all …WHITE LIGHT.
LOVE,
Thelma
Dear all,
-”If you believe in something such as love, god and religion then you are being loved or you are in love.”
-”Nature loves all of us, even we don’t love it back similarly there is no reasons behind love.”
-”To love or to be loved, all you first need is love.”
God bless you all !
To be loved and yet not to love is like a bad practical joke played by God.
And true: to love and yet not be loved in return is far superior – there is nothing that adds more power, and passion and intensity to all that we do and every goal that we pursue, than love. And after a while, even this begins to seem like a bad joke. Even love cannot live in a vacuum. It needs air and light and the return of energy. To watch it die slowly, of suffocation – like a bird under glass – is perhaps the greatest tragedy of all. It makes one want to scream out, in mercy: “Just kill the thing and be done with it!”
And as for the rule: I shall love not, unless loved in return. Seems a good rule to put into practice. (Do I contradict myself? Life is full of contradictions.)
I think, We come to this world, needing love, to be loved. We grow up and want to give love.
One cannot fall deeply for another if the other does not reciprocate or play along. Exchange of love between male and female is… i think, almost a necessity as drinking water.
We wake up to this need of love quite early on, puberty is it? I think even earlier, for some.
Now, this feeling is natural, yet not natural to make anything serious out of it. So I believe we must experience. But not hurt. Have respect for and communication with, the partner.
Still, this comes from upbringing… can’t expect everyone to be alike, it’s not possible. But when a similar person comes along, then it becomes clear.
Then, it’s an equal share of give and take of love…
But in between, heartache is inevitable i think. Hopefully not, perhaps it is possible to avoid heartache completely, Why Not!
HI PAULO COELHO I JUST FINISH REDING ONR OF YOUR BOOKS (THE ALCHEMIST).THIS BOOK WAS VERY SPIRITUAL I LIKED IT A LOT. I ACTUALLY READ IT BEACAUSE MY ENGLISH TEACHER WANTED THE WHOLE CLASS TO READ IT.I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE JUST ANOTHER BOOK THAT I WOULDNT LIKE AT ALL BUT IT TALKS ABOUT LIFE, LOVE,AND OTHER THINGS THAT REALLY COUGHT MY ATTENTION. THE ONE THING THAT I LIKE ABOUT YOUR STYLE OF WRITING IS THAT YOU USE LOTS OF LITERARY TERMS LIKE METAPHORS ,FORESHADOWING ITS VERY GOOD.WHAT I LIKED MOST WAS THAT THE SANTIAGO DIDNT END UP AT THE OASIS WITH FATIMA.I THOUGHT HE WOULD…ISNT IT IRONIC? NANI 14
But sometimes, we are unable or maybe we simply do not want to control who or why we love.
To Love truly and deeply is why we live.
I awaken each day to see the sun rise and feel the heat.
I hope my love is returned, I risk by losing my heart a milisecond,
before he loves me back.
But that is the risk I take to fly like a bird.
Loving with your entire soul is why we are here.
All I have to do is Remember the Moment and I am there “in Love, again” .
I will never stop stepping off that cliff because I create my own happiness by loving so well and holding nothing …..but by heart in my hand.
Hand in hand they go – to love and to be loved.
All of us know how much it hurts to give love freely only to find the person on whose door it is knocking is not home…. and to be loved when your feelings are not reciprocated, places in your heart emotions of guilt.
I never want to love if I am not loved back :)
Love Laudy
Bon si on en est à citer des chansons,
en France Daniel Balavoine chantait :
“Aimer est plus fort que d’ëtre aimer.”
Si ça peut aider.
@+
Damien
love has a lot of energy- when one love without being loved there is a huge imbalance in those relations and it hurts!!!! its not healthy- and it not good in the universe! we need as balance as possible!
if one love more than be loved it is still ok – it is hard to messure love!
but as Mr. Paulo says – between the 2 choices- its better to love – this feeling is a superior feeling!
I agree with Paulo, it is definitely amazing to love someone, that someones makes you experiment such a great feeling is priceless, you can’t describe it… being loved but not love, has no sense at all, it will be frustating and you’ll end up annoyed by that someone!
When one experience these magical moments when love IS – it`s pure spirit of mercy rising up from within -
without any need of beeing confirmed * It`s wonderful!
May God teach us to dance in the Graze of His love*
Dearest Annie, you say ‘when I was young.’
What shall we say about …. age, Paulo and Paul and me…. ! ;]
Yes Paul, we love them even if they do not love us, but when it is … being ‘in love’, EROS, then everything is different, don’t you agree?
LOVE,
Thelma
Rossana – It’s terrible and paintfully: “the joy of loving can help us overcome the frustration when we love without being loved back”. It’s so deep to understand, but, I prefer to love in the distance, and enjoy another kind of love, like “Filos”.
Earthly Dance.We love-and nothing back,the way to become a saint.We are loved-but can give nothing,the way to become an idol.The middle way is so desirable!It is when the process is reversible!How nice is to be just a Human Being:to love and to be loved back,to find the other wing of your being..
Courage to let go .. when love is not reciprocated and if it ever was your love, come back to you again
life never stops loving us
though we can stop letting love in
so, i would say – relationships aside –
make sure your relationship with life is one of nurtured love ;o)
This is happiness.If we have experienced unhappy relations,refusals,and than we find a person who feels same way regarding us,I mean loves and cares,than we might fly for the joy.The truth is one cant chose the person to fall in love.Sometimes is the right one,sometimes is not.
Dear Sylvia,
I spent years wondering about this question. I cannot say I found a clear answer, whether to love or to be loved has sovereignty over the other.
What I understood so far, is that the ‘perfect configuration’ as Paulo describes it, comes rarely in life. That doesn’t mean it’s disappointing, nor unjust, nor impossible. I think it means that we should appreciate and devote ourselves more to love. And by watching the couples around me I see that the ‘perfect configuration’ is not a fairy-tale happening, but something that both are consciously creating and maintaining alive.
Until someone truly discovers which is more important, I will cherish my love lessons that life gave me these years:
- to have the courage to express my feelings for another, when they happen
- love as an end purpose never justifies the means, nor can it ever be condemned
- to pay more attention to those around me and have patience to accept their love, in whatever shape it is granted. Though most recent, and I don’t always manage to accept or see it, this has been by far most humbling and transforming experience of all. Once you feel the blessing of being loved, and accept it, one can never feel unloved again. Of course, being loved the way we want to be loved is a whole different story.
And for some of these lessons dearest Paulo, you have been one of my guiding lights, for which I am ever grateful.
Love,
Anca
yes Rossana
I totally agree: being loved and not being in love with the one who loves us is a terrible experience, whereas the joy of loving can help us overcome the frustration when we love without being loved back.
I understood, thank Dear Paulo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHhKA-ayMwI
I want to be loved!! It seems that the question was made for this song.
I have just listened to it for the first time in .. my-space today.;]
I think that we ALL want to be loved. At the same time we want to be loved by the … one we are ‘in love’ with. The un-returned love is a torture.. Sometimes destiny changes the ..course of our ways. Then we are left with unfulfilled love.. I think, that in life we love other people differently.. and in the name of LOVE, we are ready to .. live alive!!
LOVE,
Thelma