I would like to hear your opinion on forgiving and forgetting. When people hurt you: do you forgive and forget? Or do you just forgive but don’t forget?
People who tend to be seen as good – usually forgive and forget. But I don’t think that this is a question of being good or evil – I think the point is about being just. So maybe the tendency to forgive and forget those that have hurt us is not necessarily a good thing. Because if we don’t do anything to people that hurt us – they will probably continue on hurting others.
This is the way I see it and I would like to hear you about this subject and also your own experiences.
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Forgiving someone who has wronged you, betrayed you, is a very hard thing to do. I struggle with this daily. But I find that the act of forgiveness is not something you do as a gift for the other person, but as a gift for yourself. You hold on so tight to your anger, your principles, that you just clench so tightly at this thing you can’t let go. How do you find peace if you’re constantly reminding yourself how badly the other person treated you? Yet that person has moved on, created a new life, finding happiness in his own way. Let go, let go of the anger, and you can then unclench the hand and reach for something else, something new, hopefully something better. Maybe you don’t forget, but over time the memory of the pain fades, and it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Then forgive and move forward. Justice happens when that pain doesn’t affect you anymore and the powerful memory of days long gone don’t hang around too long.
thank you, mizfee. your words really resonated with me and i found great solace in them.
Those who can forgive as well as forget are people of great talent for it is difficult for most of us to do either of these. It is our tendency to forgive ourselves, but not letting go of those who commit wrongs. We expect them to be perfect and mistakes are intolerable. I find it hard to forgive people at times, and sometimes I can’t forget after forgiving. Eventually I do forgive and forget, but not before teaching the person a good lesson. I believe in the principle of ‘Crime and Punishment’. If you deliberately hurt me, you shall suffer before I forgive you.
Forgiving and forgetting ? It is easy to forgive someone,it does take time but harder to forget.
We have a memory that we cant just wash away. Sometime people takes it to their death bed or even to their next life.
I can forgive someone because everyone has alot of learning in life, things happen to us to make us stronger or to make us a better person. ( as the saying goes , keep your friends close and your enemy closer)
When i get hurt by someone i sent them alot of love and light and hope they will find their path.
I may suffer and feel pain but sometime its like the universe trying to unfold and tell us because we refuse to listen thats why our guardian angel steps in and shows us as it is . Either good or bad its better to see x
I am glad I cam eupon this and will look more at the responses and play with some ideas. Some time ago, I had the opportunity to forgive someone for a dreadful wrong doing. Strangely for this I wa sable to let go of my sadness, fear, and anger ect. I felt an instant release, even when I tested whether my feelings were true. I hold no bad feelings for this person….done
Now….in the past year, I had experienced something where I was done wrong to…I want to forgive and move on…can I ? no my ability to try move on has left me dug in…stuck….for some starnge reason I feel I need to do something otherwise there is a risk this person will continue to hurt others. So perhaps this is the shackle…I am sure they are not feeling the chain, but i can sure feel it dig into my ankle, with each time reminding me of the pain.
So I sit here with an open mind and reflect my first experiences as a small child and may be the answer lies there. It feelis like the answer is somewhere, but like a dream just out of my conscious….i feel like I want to challenge what is forgiveness, I want to ask the whys…but why…? But not the obvious mind you.
penso che perdonare,non sia molto semplice,molto dipende dal torto subito.Personalmente in base al mio vissuto,non dico di aver perdonato sempre,ho solo messo da parte il dolore per poter andare avanti.Ci sono cicatrici che sanguinano sempre,anche quando noi non vogliamo,specialmente quando incappiamo in situazioni analoghe alle precedenti o comunque sofferte.Per poter perdonare, penso che ognuno di noi, debba riuscire a perdonare a se’ stesso, errori che non avrebbe voluto commettere.Ci sono cose o avvenimenti,o torti cosi’ difficili da accettare,cio’implica, qualcosa che non si chiama necessariamente perdono,perche’ si e’ costretti ad accettare il danno senza condividerlo mai.Non sono per il perdono visto come buonismo,penso sia piu’ giusta la rivendicazione di un torto, senza arrivare mai alla violenza,ma come enunciazione di diritti e rispetto dell’ essere….Comunque non e’ semplice dimenticare*
Forgiving and Forgetting.. Hmmm. I usually forgive and forget if someone hurts me, but if in future that person again tries to repeat this, I become somewhat practicle with them rather being emotional. See, it’s simple, I, as a person, love myself. Whatever I wish or do is for me always.
And the same is with everyone. Most of us may say that no we think for others as well, but that is also because caring for others gives u peace or happiness. Hence we do everything for our happiness. So when someone hurts you, it’s better to deal with it practically rather than being emotionally, and even hurting urself more by thinking about it. Do what a sensible person with do that time in terms of reaction and then forget the incidence completely.
But in this process of forgetfulness, don’t forget the lesson. And use this lesson in future when same type of situation occurs.
Happy living !!! :)
Forgiving and Forgetting…hmmm…forgiving and forgetting do not go along. Forgiving for good does not mean you will forget. It just means you will remember without holding it against the one that hurt you. Personally, I always remember everything. There’s not way I will forget something. On the other hand, we cannot do something to prevent that person from hurting others. Each individual is responsible for its own actions and thoughts. They will have to answer to God and pay a high price while they’re alive. The question is: should we continue having a relationship with that person? can we trust them again? These answers will be different for each person. Some of us can’t just let go…
I usually forgive and forget. But of course when the person who hurt me does the same thing again, I’ll recall the previous wrongdoing right away.
Forgiving is a state where I can be at peace with my pain. I forgive not for the sake of the person who hurt me. But for myself.
Forgiving and forgetting is like one set of action which should go along together. What I mean by forgetting is to forget the wrongdoing, not forgetting the lesson learned from the whole action.
It takes time to heal the wound though.
When someone you love has hurt you, regardless of the situations, forgiving and forgetting is impossible….. ultimitly what happens is the person who got hurt has to decide if they want to continue with the relationship or not. If they chose to not, then the relationship is over and with time the feelings of hurt will subside, however, if they do not, or if you feel you want the relationship to continue, then you must approach the person and establish a new relationship with new boundaries and expectionation that are clear and expressed… its about moving on with what you are comfortable with. Relationships are living thing subject to change by circumstances, if you break a vase and clue it together, you must expect different things from its new form and perhaps change its function if you want to contine to have it in our presents…. but it will never be the same regardless if you are sorry for breaking it and promise to never drop it again… the vase can hear you but it cannot always accept your carelessness or deny that it will never be the same… it can only agree to still be in your life, but in a different way….. Forgiving and forgetting, in my opinion are terms made up by the hurting partying in an attempt to wash away all matters of sin…
to forgive is not necessarily forgeting the wrong things that somebody done to you…
its just remembering the situation, the person with acceptance and not blaming each other,
if we truly forgive, we give each other a clean slate that anyone can start all over again…
as if nothing happens but we need to learn from every mistakes…and need to be wise…
people might hurt us beacuse we give our selves…we love.
Siempre pense que es uno de los peores defectos que tengo.. no perdonar ni olvidar, cuando alguien te hiere tratas de olvidar y perdonar, y no se puede. Es peor cuando te decepcionas de las personas que son mas cercanas a ti, que sin darse cuenta te hieren. Pero aun asi es dificil perdonar, muchas veces pienso que tal vez si pudiera decir como o porque me siento asi me sentiria mejor pero por alguna razon nunca tengo valor. cuando pasan esas cosas y pasan varias veces, vas perdiendo el valor, sin darte cuenta tu autoestima esta por los suelos y terminas alejandote de todo para que no te hagan danho.
Claro que tampoco uno quiere vivir asi siempre, uno quiere cambiar, o por lo menos hacer algo para no sentirse asi. Si las cosas pasan, pasan por algo, alguna leccion tengo que aprender. Y eso es lo que ahora me ayuda a sentirme bien..
well guys i see forgiveness as our own need…. we should forgive others to forgive ourself … because as long as we keep reminding the other person mistake to our self we will be keep on growing a negative feeling inside us for that very person… that will only cause turbulence to our peace of mind…. so forgive others to forgive ourself!!!
Dear Paulo,
I think you have made a good sense through what you have said about “forgiving and forgetting”, it’s just that things are not as simple as they seem.. We all have our lessons to learn in this life, some of us learn faster, others need to bump their head several times, some never learn. We cannot interfere in other people’s lives, but we can block those who are not good for us. After all, indifference is the most powerful “weapon”. So I don’t think it’s a matter of forgiving or forgetting, it is a matter of protecting oneself, of becoming strong and confident and not being affected by meanness. Such a person could not manifest hard feelings towards another being. The Universe and the laws that govern it take care of each and one of us, and though things are changing continuously, all we do is “recorded” and “re compensated”. Don’t you agree? :)
i was always taught to be a good person and thought thats how everyone was but this year, in fact the last month i’ve come to realise that there are evil people in the world and maybe through my naiveness i keep on believeinng that everyone is good,everyone is nice and then out of nowhere i am attacked.when will i learn that not everyone is full of goodness.How many times do i need to be made oa fool of?These peeople who cause so much pain through the mind games and lies do they deserve forgiveness?i’ve tried to block them i hope it works but u can not forget and wonder if this is going to eat me up inside. Should I really be wary of everyone and trust noone?I’m afraid this is going to make me lonely. I’m tired of being hurt over and over.
Forgive, but don’t forget. For it is through pain that they have caused us that we were able to learn new things. we develop. we grow.
Last month my little sister was short with me on the phone. We live in different cities, it was a bad connection and I was talking at 100 mph as usual and she became angry at something I’d said. I was feeling very slighted when I hung up as I thought about how many times she had slighted me (going back to when my mom brought her home from the hospital and I felt that first sting of sibling rivalry).
I normally forget slights quite easily, almost to my detriment, but I swore that was the last time she would be mean to me.
I wrote an angry manifesto about that specific insult and posted it on my fridge so that I would not forget it. I then proceded to forget about the manifesto and had many happy chats with my sister immediately after.
But every once in a while I’d be closing the fridge, see my manifesto and get angry again, swearing not to take it down because I was tired of forgetting hurts and slights.
Then last week I received an envelope in the mail from my sister. Inside was a hand made booklet in which my sister has been collecting all the crazy and funny things that I tell her and that I always jokingly said she should write down, going back for years.
In the time that my angry manifesto had been hanging on my fridge she had suddenly decided mail this beautiful gift, for my writing she said, so that I wouldn’t forget those funny moments.
Little moments, just a line here or there that immediately takes me back to when I slipped in the snow last winter and a boy brought me my glove, which had flown into the air as I twisted my ankle.
So I have now tossed my angry manifesto; I think that my original habit of immediately forgetting all insults is now my best feature, and I pledge to fight often and frequently with my sister, and to forget those fights just as quickly.
It is all mind over matter. Forgives is often termed a divine attribute. We all have different experiences in life and some are more painful to give up instantly . The point is simple, the one who has hurt us would get it back someway for sure, however by not forgiving we are going to hurt ourselves more as the thoughts would keep coming back. Time is the biggest healer and even though forgetting something would take time, however if you follow the law that life moves on, you will come out of it. Remember what goes around comes around. If today you are the victim, tomorrow he who has hurt you would get it back.
Good morning from Nova Scotia
Yes It is mind over matter. I have allowed myself to trust in life and love and I have been hurt, but I still continue to trust in life and love. The person who has hurt me most by telling me that all his love for me was a lie, (the cold truth, he said) will no doubt suffer for his deeds far more than I, for that is the law of karma, kismet, going around, coming around, or whatever you may call it. I feel the winds of sadness sail around my soul from his and I cannot forget him, as I will always love him, but I certainly do forgive for his sake as well as my own. Mea Culpa too. MA
forgive and forget–
forgive implise,for me at least,understanding of others and participation in law of universe.it is neighter good,moral,nor bad ,immoral. it is only being with Being. as forgetting i have weakness of not coming to terms with clear innocese of maturity.
We are so taught to forgive and forget… and that it is not for the other person but for ourselves. If it happened I don’t know of a magic word or potion to take the memory of the hurt away. In time sometimes 20 or 30 years… it does fade but to disappear and be forgotten… you would make a lot of money on a device that will do that for you other than a lobotomy. I have found that the people who want you to forgive and forget are the ones that have harmed you in some way. I don’t think it is good to dwell on the past… although we all seem to be able to do that with great ease.. I know that I have tried to forgive and then something triggers a sad feeling and it as if it happened just yesterday. I also wish I had a potion for this happening. Maybe if we are lucky we learn to live with whatever has happened to us…. maybe that is the best we can do… I don’t know for sure…
Forgive and forget it’s quite hard sometime to do…. As you said it, forgive somebody it’s good but to forget… well this is an other storie. I think it depends How i was hurt and by Who!
My most hard forgiveness was for my mum… She left when i was 2 years old and it toke me so long to forgive her… as i was young i was sad, then angry then i learn to forgive her as i knew more about her past and that she was a bite messt-up and have problems… but i will never forget, as i can’t, i can’t pretend that it never happened… my brother did but i can’t,… but i am not angry with her anymore.
I am just sorry for her. But i want to remember, as it’s a part of my life and always be, and by what she did it made me who i am now, by her action, she changed my life forever, and made me grown up faster, as i have to be the mum and the sister and the wife (kind of) for my family… (father and little brother). But i am ok and enjoy what i have, and i am not sad, its part of the life, that’s it! But it’s good to remember, i try with this to advise my friends sometimes… they are complaining about that they mums are too much one them, etc… and i tell them to enjoy what they have, (even when sometimes it’s difficult) it’s better, as they will miss her if she’s not with them anymore.
So it’s very important to forgive people… you never know why it happened and what made them do it, but never forget just for you own sake, so you can remember and not do the same mistake again, and share your experiences… but if you did forgive then you need to remember that there is no more bad feelings in you, no angryness, no sadness, just souvenir!
But forgiving don’t mean that your weak or something like that… i think you need to be strong and know yourself and the situation, etc… to do it plainly, you need a lot of courage and love in you to be free of what happened to you!!! but as God did, he did forgives us, but didn’t forget what we did and are doing. He wrote the bible to make us never forget what happened good or bad! So we can understand and will try to not make the same mistakes…
I hope everybody can forgive, as it will mean that we all can be friends and love each other and continue our life in peace with our-self… so we can move on and do better and try to help others at not making the same mistakes… If you forget your history your future will be in the dark. But don’t live in it either. Just a memorie! What is important is now, what you are doing with your life now.
Why not forgive and forget at the same time, even if it takes sometime to do it. In my opinion these two go hand in hand…and by doing so- you are teaching that other person a lesson about life- even if it takes many years to learn from that. One day that other person will experience a situation that will make him or her to forgive and forget. For me…life is a boomerang, so do it right to others…God is watching us and that is whay He wants us to do. Love each other.
Sin is too complex a question to apprehend and I dont think I have a capcaity to forgive anyone. If anyone is able to hurt me, either its because, I have given the person a place that the person is unable to take – so my judgement was wrong. Or, if the person belongs to that position in my being, then its an error in the way I am receiving the communication. Both ways, I am the person allowing myself to get hurt! In the first case, I withdraw, in the second, I give in deeper in a way that I lose my ego. The hurt is meaningless in the first and it cannot exist in the second. Only the pain stays with you which is healed only by giving in more!
Forgetting is unnecessary. Why forget a part of your own life? You existed at those times too. Live every moment – not selctively!
To forgive and to forget one requires a lot of courage. And easier is to forgive than to forget. But such forgiveness which still carries the burden of the past somewhere is more heavier than the burden of pain caused by the wounds given.
I always believed that forgiving is the only way to minimize the pain. But eventually i realized even after forgiving there was this heavy baggage of the past i kept carrying along with myself and that was because i completely ignored the most important and prominent part of forgiving i.e; “FORGETTING’.
The day one learns to forget and completely erase this memories of the pain gone through or misdeeds done to him/her, one would in true sense learn the art of forgiving.
And the only way i think one can drive such courage of both forgiving and forgetting is by praying with ones heart for the happiness of the of the person who had caused you the pain. As the moment you do that you create a far better cause which would for sure have visible and rewarding effect sooner or later.
my pastor once said, forgiving and forgetting are not enough. he said that it should be, forgive, forget and RELEASE.
and that is my problem, i just can’t forget the faces of those who have mocked me, embarrassed me and hurt me. i will never forget them until i get my revenge.
anger and bitterness all piled up and i just can’t release them all, might be because those are the things that i think make me strong.
como puedes ver en el enlace de mi blog… he sufrido los premilimares al olvido.
Divorciada hace poco más de un año, sufrí en mis entrañas la traición despues de 7 años de matrimonio y nos 15 de relación.
Soy una chica joven, con espíritu joven, con deseos de comerme la vida, o mejor, deseando adaptarme a la vida y que ella se adapte a mi.
pero perdonar…. puedo escribir un millon de veces “lo perdoné”, pueden salir de mis labios “lo perdoné”, pero mi corazón nunca podrá expresarlo, nunca.
pero si te digo una cosa, o mejor te la escribo “LO OLVIDÉ”, porque no merece morir otra vez en el recuerdo de mis heridas siempre vivas.
un beso y gracias
on my way of opinion, it is not that simple to forget after being hurt, even when forgiveness is there for it. somewhat i agree what Linda said to me that we have mercy to do that, but… after all, we’re just human. only time will answer, and this is uncertain to answer. i have experience about this, when everything changed after that, although we forgave each other. sometimes, in my lonely nights, it came through my mind although i didn’t invite! i keep asking myself why this and that; why i can’t forget, did i really forgive; and until now, i still find no answer, yet. the more i feel myself haunted of those bad times the more i really ask about this. i feel so miserable =(
i remember one night in Bandung, in my loneliness night when doing thesis at that time; while listening to the radio, i was so busy and stopping my thesis in a sudden when this illustration by Andrie Wongso came through my ears; i was all ears to this story. maybe the quote then can answer my question.
far in a village, there is a man whom everyone is getting hurt by him. everyone in the village is avoiding him since then. feeling lonesome he then comes through rabbi who lives up in a hill; he asked for forgiveness. the rabbi said to him, “Dear Son, every time you hurt people, nail in a wooden plug. one nail for one hurt you made.” he then comes home and do what the Rabbi ask for him.
being sick of it, he then comeback to the Rabbi and ask why people still didn’t want to befriend with him. the Rabbi then said to him, “Dear Son, now you do this. every time you act good to others; help them, pray for them, smile at them, and etc, pull the nail in a wood. one nail for one kindness you did.” he then comes home and do what the Rabbi ask for him.
not so long, all the nails in the wood are finally pulled off. but not all people in the village want to befriend with him. interrupted by this, he comes to the Rabbi to conclude what it means.
then the Rabbi said, “Dear Son, remember this. the feelings of being hurt is like a wooden nailed; once it’s pulled off, the mark will not leave, even you polish it…”
Forgiving is a good way to set ourselves free but i cannot force myself to forget what has been done to me. It’s not about mistaken towards me but it’s about something’s left after it.
Making mistake is like embedding wood some nails, someday those nails can be taken off but how about the wood? it has a scar left by the nails.
Our scars are medals.
In my opinion, forgiving is possible and good for oneself. But forgetting are much harder specially if the issue effect your inner feeling. For me, I believe that, to forget, it must be some small and unimportant issues.
But forgiving and forgetting does not always be the best way to solve the issues, because some problems should be forgiving.
I’ve always had a rough relationship with my parents, one is alcoholic and the other is an enabler, I find when I fight against the alcoholic, for instance try to talk to her about her drinking, she gets very angry and revengeful, if I leave her alone, not worry, or expect anything from her, she gets worse. But I am out of the picture, I love them both but I feel better. I do identify with her, I imagine being so sad one wants to self medicate, away. She’s not pushing me and my kids away, she’s pushing herself away. We are still a happy family. We can still see them for the odd dinner, although awkward. It taught me to treasure my daughters, to love my family to me they are my love manifested. No matter how I love my parents they don’t need to love me back. I do not have to be responsible for their choices. I don’t like how they act but I can forgive them like a little child who is being bad.I can forgive, forget it and hope for the best before each dinner, love my life and thank God I don’t live in that house anymore.
Oh…!!Getting hurt is the greatest challenge Dear Sir Angel.. it made me cry,i always try my best to treat people the way i want to be treated…
Got Hurt…but even then ,we jus’ expected love from them again,
but they gave us somethin’ else…we were shaken…gave some to heal that they won’t repeat it again…
oh again a hurt,i cried ,said my prayers…
Again a hypocrite talk:)Now,convinced ourselves that “ok..its their way of leading their blessed life”,but still praying for them,could give them a false smile but could never gel with them…the vibes never worked!!
when i meet them now…i’ll say myself”When you’re looking for peace,don’t look for love” as you told me Sir Angel and also
As Mahatma Gandhiji Quoted….
“Whenever i see an erring man,i say to myself: “i’ve also erred”,
When i see a lustful man,i say to myself:”So was i once” and in this way i feel kinship with everyone in the world and feel that i cannot be happy without the humblest of us being happy”
The most important thing is we were being surrounded by true love and that gave us support..Sir Angel.Though i can’t forget,i can forgive…and that’s what my Mom taught me..”Never hold a grudge”:)
If you can’t forget, then you can’t forgive. Mathmetically forget is directly propersional to forgive.. If you learn how to foget then you will learn how to forgive or vice-versa.
El perdon a mi criterio esta relacionado con el juzgar las acciones del que me haya ofendido,y en realidad no quiero hacer eso,uno nunca sabe que es lo que determina que alguien nos haga mal,tal ves lo suponemos pero no lo sabemos.
Una ves cuando aun eramos chicas mi hermana me ofendio de tal manera que me senti muy dolida, por muchos años por lo que me habia dicho;no entendia porque en su mente o en su corazon se labraron esos pensamientos hacia mi,no tenia el sentimiento(porque creo firmemente que el perdon es eso)ni la accion de olvidar.
Por muchos años no la entendi;hasta que le diagnosticaron su enfermedad mental.
No tuve que perdonarla ni olvidar,simplemente le di otra oportunidad .
”I think the point is about being just”
… i do think the same now and it helped me regain my innocence in a way, as i was looking for closure with a past filled with wrong notes … i realised that guilt is a good thing to induce to someone… that when someone is easely forgiven, the same behaviour keeps going on and on.
When you forgive without showing clearly that what happend was absolutely wrong you open the door for another hurt, you give power to blindness … sometimes it’s better to act like you don’t forgive even if your heart can not do other than forgive cause you do anderstand nature and the way it makes the human kind act brutal.
Hello,All!
Will forgive but not forget…Allow to explain more my experience…
More than an year ago was betrayed from my “friend” and also business partner.We was in business and friends(by my opinion) for 3 years.I was open and real(90%) on every my act, opinion and situation during this period of this partnership(this was my big mistake).Just by the end of our partnership i have understanded that he was totally an contrary to me…He has been not open and not real(90%)to any our situation during the 3 year period.Till that time I did not know that exists such persons that can hide their opinion,emotions and act as another person even as a friend for so long period of time.He was not a friend.He was very evil and he showed that by the end of our partnership.
Story it is longer, but to turn at my comment for the blog,i have get out from partnership without taking nothing…Have left him all (my portion) that was mine from business…Have done this from the fear….Was not so brave to confront further his evil mood after the stage that we arrived…I had also my wife’s support to act like that,as if to not make problems to the our family including my kids…But if I was more brave will not act like that,will not listen my wife’s opinion…If was more brave, will not forgive him…. I did this in the name of my fear…So,sometimes somebody like myself are forced to forgive from our fear but we are not forced to forget…I will never forget his evil act…
it is somewhat a dilemma to me,because I don’t think we could completely forgive someone unless we are willing to forget their mistake.however, to quote one of my favourite TV shows,”forgiveness is not amnesia.”
so I guess it depends on how much we are hurt,and whether or not that wound still bleeds,because i for one knows for certain that wounds,although they heal,will leave scar,no matter how small.
Hi Paulo, wonderful to exist in the same time and era as u, and even more wonderful, to leave my comments in your site : )
“If we decide to forgive someone, we MUST forget as well” no point in saying i forgive but cant forget. And also, by forgiving and forgetting, we are giving our soul becomes more blissful….”
Thank you….
I think we are only humans, and i believe only god can forgive and forget. For me, if someone does hurt me i do believe they need to know that and understand that their actions do have serious repercussions. I and i believe we all have to find our own way to teaching them this. Coz as paulo mentions, if they dont understand it, they will continue to hurt others.
I am the kind who shows my irritation and anger easily but I soon let go of the bitter feelings and move on. I don’t like to hold grudges against anyone or punish anyone. It really depends on the gravity of the situation. If it is something really wrong, then yes I do talk it out openly with the person and then cut off from that person. But the challenge is more when it is about forgiving some one very close to you and someone you trust a lot. I recently read a book called “finding forgiveness” which is a must read for all those who want to know if forgiving is all about forgetting and letting the other person get away… in the book it is beautifully described that forgiveness is only to do with healing oneself and letting go of the emotional baggage…
Forgiving and forgetting; I don’t believe in this cliché’ …
Forgiving every time may make you look weak, not just…
Forgetting eradicates the lesson learned.
Yet… I, for one, am still searching for the answer.
A man lives by getting and forgetting but god is by giving and forgiving Yet I do no how to forget and forgive both of them are difficult to act.
We are not perfect beings, succeptible of making mistakes. Forgive but learn your lesson…
if i will forget, the lessons will also be forgotten…and the cycle of “hurt” will be repeated..
I am looking for forgiveness towards my self, for hurting people I love…It is really hard, we act without considering the consequences, we regret, we say sorry but what we did can never be changed which hurts. I think for me it’s easier to forgive other’s but not myself. But I hope in the future i’ll learn how not to repeat the same mistakes. However, still don’t know how to forget myself!!!!
I love to forgive.
Once upon a time I would have been one of those people who would have said forgive and forget until I had a bad experience and could not forgive. People today are already treating others inconsiderately and without much love. Generally we are quite selfish and take more than we give. Human behaviour is changing. More and more people are being hurt everyday. I’m at a point where for me it’s not about forgiving and forgetting. It’s about acceptance. I don’t accept being treated a certain way and if people continue to do so then I will just eliminate then from my life. I say this with no hate in my heart. I just want to surround myself with people that feed my soul not drain it. When you expect certain things from people most of the time they will not meet your expectations and therefore disappoint you. So don’t expect. If you treat people the way you want to be treated then most of the time you will have the desired relations you want with those important to you. When you enounter someone who’s life path and knowledge and perception of the world does not match yours but to the point where it causes conflict in your relations then I believe it’s best to part ways. Maybe you weren’t to be in this lifetime. Or perhaps you meet people like this in brief moments in your life to remind you that you are better off the way you are and will find more love and happiness if you continue on the righteous path.
IN trying to forgive and forget you need to be prepared to move on and allow the forgiveness to evolve..
but in this process it is hard to forget… because in trying to forgive, one is learning to ‘move on’ and so relativity plays a part…
once the process of fogiveness has been completed fully… then also you can forget ;o)
I would forgive, but I won’t forget. We don’t learn if we forget – but we have to let all the anger lose it’s grip in our hearts so it’s free to accept love. Not an easy way to do, but it’s the best way.
Hello sir,
forgiving is rather difficult..it takes a lot of courage to forgive someone if you have been really hurt.But living with a baggage of despair and hurt only worsens your own state. Gradually one has to move on in life…
Hello. Definitely one should learn to fogive I think being able to fogive requires a deep knowledge of youself and wisdom while from the psychological point it is impossible to forget as long as we are human being with a conscious and subconscious mind. That’s how we get experienced hitting by life in a harsh world. Well, i might say forgive but not forget in oder not to be hurt.
I am learning to forgive and finding it very hard to forget.
Forgiveness and forgetting is about pain of suffers that hurts us to be forgiven and forgotten – souls that nurtured by love are protected for love is the ultimate power – through love we recognise own worth and dignity.. Love – which is appreciation of our uniqueness, our life as a gift we inherited so no longlasting wounds caused by imperfect human communication failures would threaten to diseases and death – forgive and forget not to damage but live your life fullest and create brighter tomorrow
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