I would like to hear your opinion on forgiving and forgetting. When people hurt you: do you forgive and forget? Or do you just forgive but don’t forget?
People who tend to be seen as good – usually forgive and forget. But I don’t think that this is a question of being good or evil – I think the point is about being just. So maybe the tendency to forgive and forget those that have hurt us is not necessarily a good thing. Because if we don’t do anything to people that hurt us – they will probably continue on hurting others.
This is the way I see it and I would like to hear you about this subject and also your own experiences.
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If you could actually forget what would be the point in forgiving, I say forgive. And move on, and that’s a far harder task then “forgetting”.
Love you Paulo.
-Cassandra
Paulo, I agree with you on this – forgive but not forget.
Othervise there would be no progress on each side.
It’s not much about somebody else, it’s more about ourselves.
Simply, by forgiving and not forgeting – we take the opportunity to demonstrate a particular ability or worth to learn the lesson and protect ourselves for the future interactions with this particular person and other people.
Of course not forgeting doesn’t mean we overreact and use the unpleasant story at every possible occasion.
Forgiving and not forgeting approach seams to be optimal and also could be a win-win-win scenario :)
If it is true that the vast majority of people do not act by real concious choice, and that someone’s need to hurt is their’s alone, regardless of the target; that they can not choose otherwise for personal and specific deep truths inside themselves that they are not willing to face, then how could we not forgive them their misdeeds? Hopefully the experience, exposure, the tact, the poise, and grace in which the offence is received will provide the doer the opportunity to ask themselves where the anger and fear within themselves that initiated the negative act came from, so that they can help themselves grow past it. Seen in this light, it may be perceived as an opportunity to be the witness of offense, an opportunity to participate in the growth of another struggling soul, another searcher looking for truth.
Unless someone has some form of memory loss, I fail to see how they could possibly forget. My goal is to forgive and release the resentment.There’s a freedom associated with the ability let go of the anger, sadness, fear and pain. I prefer to let love define me…
Our forgiveness is the need of the wrongdoer.but forgetting the mistake of someone else is something that we need to do for ourselves.The pain that our mind an heart goes through when we remember the way they hurt us,is a stab on our own heart.The incident which you want to forget was bad.we have done with it once.Why should we go over it again and again if it is not pleasant.Moreover,each time you forgive and forget your self respect increases.The people who do things that hurt the will continue doing that no matter whether you forgive and forget.
One should forgive and forget for one’s own heart and soul.
My wife and I seperated a year ago, I had hopes that we would work things out togethor but it was not meant to be. I discovered a few months after i moved out that a man who was my friend (and hers) for many years, someone who i talked with and confided in had already begun having a relationship with my wife as soon as we agreed it was not working. My wife said nothing, whilst i entertained the possibility of the two of us working out our issues/challenges and getting back togethor again. All the while my supposed friend listened to my troubles, told me he wanted the two of us to work things out and said nothing. I found out by accident that they where essentially dating from the moment we split.
I have struggled to forgive, my wife ( I still love her) and even him as the anger i was holding in my heart was starting to consume me. With the help of others and this site, I have come to understand the power of forgiveness, I have f ound some peace and the ability to deal with my wife respectfully.
To me, Forgivenss does not mean that i will forget about how my trust in wife/friend had been destroyed or the lies told. It is an important lesson i need to understand and not let repeat
..and once it has been released, to be prepared to accept that you are worthy and ready for something better.
I think it is absolutely necessary to forgive.
Can you please stop me?
P.S.: I don’t want to forget, because otherwise I don’t learn my lections.
Why doesn’t Christ send me forgiving energies?
Forgive and forget, It all depends on the proximity of he person in reference. If its a not a close and dear one, then “forgive the mistake and forget the person”, but if the person who has hurt is close and dear one “forgive the person and forget the mistake”. However in both the cases the resultant is follow-on your life.
To forgive to someone is very important it has t/b done
honestly.
The day that my father died i forgive him for
all the deeds he did to me.I can’t reproach him
for his deeds,he didn’nt know what i know.
I can not forget it what he did to me,so that never i can do the same mistake of my father against others
both are needed but as humans . it maybe difficult to do both especially if the person who betrayed you is someone u considered special.
give it some time…it will heal naturally.
forgive but do not forget. and jsut beucase u forigve soemone doenst mean they shudnt be locked away if tehy did soemthihng lieki murder because they cud hurt soemone esle. it jsut emans ur not thier for a personal vengeance. ur not putitng them in jail because of ur anger directed at them, ur doing it in the name of jsutice.
It is better to forget and forgive forour own good. Although the person who gives us the hurt may also hurt other persons, it is better to forgive and forget; for if do’t forget life becomes unpleasant for us as the very thought of the erson who hurt us makes us uneasy and uncomfortanle.
Dear Sir,
First of all i would like to tell you that i liked ur ALchemist very very much..its simply a great book..it takes the reader to so many twists n turns of life n tells the reader how omens help..must read book.
Coming to the topic u have posted Sir, I think Forgiving the person entirely depends on one’s individuality..Although one can forgive the person who hurt them badly, one cannot totally forget..i mean somewhere in one’s heart it will always be there.
And moreover i feel that forgiving a person depends on what the person means to you personally..if the person whom you have to forgive is someone who is very close to ypur heart n is ur best friend, then our heart , though it has hurt, will be ready to forgive n even forget too. But if the same thing is done by some other person who is not very close to you but you trusted him then its gonna effect a lot…i mean ur heart wont agree to forgive that person, even if you forgive that person u can never forget.
So Sir, I feel it totally depends on the person who has to be forgiven…if the person is close to one’s heart,one will definitely forgive n forget n vice-versa.
-Pranitha
I totally agree with you…
…I sometimes wonder if it easier to forgive somebody that is not too close to you… Because that way you do not care that much. If somebody you trust the most in the whole world hurts you… You fall into pieces. I do.
No es solo es hecho de dejarlos seguir haciendo daño a otras personas sino el hecho de no aprender de lo sucedido en mi particular perdono pero no olvido… si olvido también olvidare que es lo debo hacer, evitar o mejorar para que vuelva a pasar y me vuelvan a dañar… si olvidamos no “aprendemos de lo vivido” como quien dice…
si olvidas podrías también olvidar que te esta pasando una y otra vez lo mismo, entonces donde esta el arte de aprender de los errores o experiencias…?
No, No creo que se deba perdonar y olvidar….
I believe that one can forgive based on the openess of one’s own heart.. people make mistakes some bigger than others.. that is fine.. to forget on the other hand, like you have stated, is doing nothing but causing more harm to the situation.. personally, i feel we are here to simplify our soul.. this happens by many series of lives in which certain lessons need to be learned.. if one chooses to forget, not necessarily who did it but more of how or why it happened, they are missing the lesson they need to learn and will remain at the same level of spiritual enlightenment as they were before the situation took place..
I learn to forgive and forget the pain. I would not forget the fact that I was hurt though. It becomes part of the repository and helps me with my future dealings with this particular person. I would at least pointed out to the wrongdoers so that they know the cause and effect, and then hoping that God will do wonderful work in his/her hearts. According to the Bible I will forgive as many times as seventy times seven. Forgetting the pain is not easy but life goes on.
It´s important to recognize one´s own “true fellings”, and thus have a correct dialogue with oneself, so that disease and depression do not have a chance to gain a foothold in one´s mind or psyche. To forgive and to forget is the best way to keep the soul healthy and the mind clean. Forgive for your own sake!
credo che perdonare, richieda uno sforzo notevole, se si e’ subito un grave torto.sono riuscita a perdonare quando con gli anni ho appreso che se non mi fossi perdonata degli errori ,non sarei stata perdonata e di conseguenza non avrei perdonato.Non si riesce a perdonare tutto,io personalmente ho imparato a mettere in un cassetto immaginario quanto non mi sta bene.il perdono comprende che non venga ripetuto lo stesso errore,quindi implica una sorta di crescita.se cio’ non avviene sono per l’ignorare la persona che persevera.non ammetto il falso buonismo,preferisco una brutta realta’ad una eterna bugia.Non amo la cattiveria gratuita,e le competizioni inutili.Non si dimentica mai veramente!!!!!!!
I’ve just been encountered into this post, which made me think hard enough…even though this was posted long time ago, I decided to reply…
Forgiving is easier than forgetting for me personally, because if someone hurts me I can say that I’ve forgivven them, but I hardly forget that they hurt me sometime ago…it stays, and doesn’t go away from my memeory, even I try to get rid of those thoughts…and have you ever thought about forgiving in an unconscious state? I think, it’s even deeper and harder, because it stays forever, probably there is no solution to it…I’ll explain if you don’t see my point:
For example, my friend, she lost her Dad when she was very little, and she is now a very beautiful and successful woman I should say for her age, but she is alone in terms of relationships with men…do you know why? I think, it’s because of that unconscious forgiving, in this case, not-forgiving her father that he left her too early, and that’s the reason she cannot have male friends or have boyfriends because she cannot rely on them unconsciosly, no matter how strongly she wants it…what if the situation is like this…how she should forget and forgive something which is deep in there? Of course, it’s not her father’s fault, but how she can just leave it and move forward to new openings and firendships? That’s hard!
I just wanted to bring this, because it’s hard for us to forgive and forget in our conscious mind, but what if it’s in our unconscious mind?
I totally agree with Meera. It is the same for a friend mine who has been dating a woman for three years. 1) She lives hundreds of miles away and they only see each othere every couple of months. How does one have a ‘relationship’ like that? 2) He is also a self-confessed “man-whore” as he put it. Sleeping (albeit while being ‘safe’) with women of all ages; nationalities; persuasions; etc – whenever the oipportunit presents itself. That could be ANY number of women in one week. Double digits…
This emanates from 2) whenever he broaches the subject that his biological father left him; asking his mom ‘why’ his dad abandoned him; mom and his little sister, she never answers him; does not talk about it. His mom is not available to him in this sense. His dad had slept with numerous women too. 1)He has chosen to be ‘in’ a relationship with a woman who is also unavailable – literally ‘distant’ (thousands of miles away) from him; who he only sees when conditions permit.
He is hurting. To me he is crying for help. He has not realised that he is repeating the aspects/dynamics (he experienced, and that hurt him, as a child) that informs his behaviour as a grownup man. This is thus for me a manifestation of i)un/conscious unforgiveness and longing – in seeking answers. He is fathering /negatively until he makes peace with his dad. And ii) When he finds the approval he seeks and consciously forgives/ gets peace, his relationship will change too. He will break up with her and choose someone closer and more readily accessible – on all levels of a relationship.
This soreness he feels and unwantedness is manifesting in his finances too.
In short, I think it is about Forgiveness, and having that Peace and that ‘permission’ to go forward from it that matters most. The inability to forget is healthy. It reminds you how you got to a place of Peace, Healing, or Newness. And that you CAN make new choices once you have the resolve you seek. That’s why it’s there. :)
I think it all depends on who hurt you and the magnitude. I am going through an odd situation at this stage in my life that I honestly think that I will never ever forgive or forget.
It’s very hard to say I should forgive and forget or at least one of them, but to really do it, I think it is very tough.
I understand the benefit of the “forgive” part, but why would you choose to “forget” anything? Aren’t all experiences valuable? Isn’t it important to remember what happens to you and learn from it? For instance if someone took advantage of you, then maybe the lesson is to learn to stand up for yourself and have better boundaries, but if you forget the experience you won’t have a point of reference for the lesson learned.
Forgiving someone actually liberates you. I had a very traumatic childhood as a result of which I was a very moody, depressed person in my teens. I had so much of anger and hatred inside me towards certain people who hurt me a lot when I was just a child that at times I would grow frustrated and turn into a maniac until I realized that I had to Forgive them. Forgiving people for whatever wrong they do does not make you weaker but it raises you much much above them. I guess I have become a changed person, a more wiser and stronger person altogether. Certain experiences are hard to forget, they leave their ugly memories imprinted on your mind forever but forgiving the wrong doers gives you a wonderful feeing of freedom and liberation.
I forgive so quickly I forget that I was hurt..Or I find a way of recreating the story in a way so it feels as If I was never hurt in the first place. I do this to protect the once who hurt me but in the end I might just be lying to myself? It could also be that I have practicing so much living in the present, that the past no longer mean anything to me..
pia, i used to live like that also… and in the end I became a doormat, and now , in my middle 60′s i am still “paying the price” for not standing up for myself.. my children are kind to their friends but not to their mother and it’s a painful world…
so Pia, I think you need to NOT allow others to hurt you any more. You are worth respect and kindness. Namaste
This is really interesting, I used to be the same (I would re-create the story in my mind to make me feel better).
I learnt to change, thanks to my friends and family, to see the good AND the bad in each situation, and to accept BOTH. This way, I don’t delude myself.
For example, this year I broked up with someone who wasn’t very nice. With time (TIME is a very important factor), I realised that I won’t really ever forgive him, because there is nothing to forgive, because instead of forgiving, I have accepted. Once I accept the good and bad of every situation, I don’t need to forgive. And then, I forget THE PAIN only (with time), I don’t forget the FACTS, because they can help me avoid similar situations in the future.
Very interesting post…. Thank you :)
If someone asks you to forgive him It automatically means that he knows he was wrong. It’s not always so, but it has to be. Sometimes it’s to hard to forgive and than forget but… “Forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors. “
Whenever we forgive, we never forget our forgiveness. And whenever we forget we never hurt someone.
عندما نسامح أنفسنا عندها فقط نسامح الأخرين
“Forgive me Father for I have loved.
forgive & forget…in life we cm across many acquaintances which hurts us..but the very next moment we 4gt about it..but “forgiving & forgetting”..is a tough task when someone very close has hurt…i’v been a victim of this..but now i’v started taking it in the sense that somewhere someone has planned something better in for my life and that’s merely a major accident in my life and i’l have 2 recover from it….and now i am fine and now i have 4gvn that person but i really dont want 2 forget him..
Dear Sir,
What I feel is that you can forgive and forget. But when you do this, forgive with full of your heart. And yes forget it totally. When ppl say that they can forgive but that forget, then it doesnt mean anything.
Altought its very tough to do that. And in my lifetime, I did actually forgave someone and forgot about it…. it took me 2 long years to do that. But I am all okay now! :)
yeah u can forgive and forget….
Great Day to you Sir,
Angel.
A partir de mi experiencia perdonar es una aptitud, cualidad o don si así lo quieren con lo que se nace o se obtiene según lo que aprendes por tu experiencia familiar y crecimiento personal desde que eres un niño. Benditos aquellos que pueden disfrutar de esta capacidad. He conocido como gente buena no es capaz de perdonar, mucho menos olvidar. Por tanto coincido en que no tiene que ver con ser bueno o malo.
Olvidar, tiene que ver más con la capacidad de cada quien para tomar decisiones. Decidirse a seguir adelante y aprender de la experiencia, decidir no apuntar dedos en contra de aquel que te haya herido, ya que esa persona también tiene el derecho de equivocarse y tomar la decisión de aprender de los errores u acciones y sus consecuencias.
Para aprender de la experiencia es necesario disociarse lo suficiente para lograr tener una perspectiva que te permita ver el panorama completo, lo que hizo aquella persona para herirte y lo que hiciste o no hiciste tu para permitirlo. No siempre recordando a quien te hizo sufrir en el pasado te da la capacidad para evitar que te hieran en el futuro, pasa más por las acciones que se desarrollaron entre ambas partes y que llevaron a tales consecuencias de dolor y desencanto.
Es necesario aprender de tu experiencia y poder perdonar a esa persona para poder agradecerle por ese mal que te haya causado que con certeza si estás dispuesto a aprender te deja una enseñanza que de ser aplicada a relaciones futuras se convierte en una bendición.
En fin, no es cuestión de olvidar lo que alguien te hizo. Si perdonas, es cuestión de olvidar que esa persona te hizo algo, sin embargo recordar lo que te hicieron, porque en el futuro puede que lo único que cambie es la persona que te haga sufrir, pero la situación sea la misma.
Im talking about my case as always and im able to forgive but to forget its hard work .You said :”we don’t do anything to people that hurt us – they will probably continue on hurting others.” I must admit that is true .The people who are not taking action when they see that other people are abused they are just as bad as the people who abuse .I am living in a country where the civil security or social security it doesnt exist .That means that in this country you can easily become a martyr .I tried to fight with the sistem where I worked .I was too young and unexpirienced and i lost .I lost everything and i quit after an year .I didnt have energy to fight anymore .They crshed me .My conscience is still hunted because I left everything behind .I wasnt able to fight for their rights .I will never forgive and I will never forget .I blame myself because I was weak and couldnt go on .
Hi Mihaela. Keep on believing in yourself and in the process ask God’s help for strength and courage.
Dios!!! por donde se puede empezar en este asunto, olvidar es necesario para poder vivir y perdonar es necesario para cerrar ciclos, no se puede vivir con veneno en el alma y el corazón, no si se quiere una vida feliz, en paz y armonía.
Es duro olvidar a las personas que nos dañaron. Creo que la única forma de no olvidar el dolor que una persona nos causa, es que ese daño sea tan grande como el amor que le tenemos.
No sé por qué motivo perdonamos más rápido de lo que olvidamos, ¿o es acaso que no perdonamos en realidad?
Forgive and Forget I think are the same thing because at the end what is important is for you to recover of whatever happened in the past and be able, if you want, to gather your pieces and keep on going with life. Not able to forget or forgive will never allows you to live your life at its fullness and the only person affected at the end will be you. What about if you get the delicious opportunity of get revenge? Of get even? A way to forgive and forget and get revenge is to show that person, who in some way affected you in the past, that you can be successful again you can be happy again. Many times in life what made you cry in the past will make you laugh in the future. It is not about getting even, forgive, or forget, but about get yourself on your feet and embraces life like if nothing had happened, that my friend is the sweetest revenge you can ever experience. Of course every person and every situation is different.
Claro que hay que perdonar cuantas veces sea necesario . . .Dios nos protege, el rencor es un semilla que debilita el corazón y lo pudre.Si no perdonamos tampoco seremos perdonados por Dios.
El perdón es un hecho,una palabra,un pensamiento que nos alivia y a la vez nos compromete con Dios.
The burden of resistance.
Forgiving releases stress from your mind as dropping your rucksack after a long hike releases stress from your back.
However, to forget the pain of carrying the heavy rucksack is also to forget to lighten it’s load before the next hike.
It is only by the forgetting of our symbiotic relationship with nature that we need a rucksack.
i never forgive anybody even if i wanted to.i sometimes want to be cool about things but i just cant.the way i see it if i forgive ppl for wht they did they would never learn their lesson.i have to forget first i guess….i froget and forget……i dont forgive.
I forgive, but I don´t forget.The reason?Hurt me once, hurt me twice, what else I´m going to expect from this person?
REGRET. i have only one regret. one stupid mistake i can’t forgive myself. i hate to think i have to live with this my entire life. I can’t think of anything i can do to make it right, to bring peace to myself.
Can someone honestly tell me how anyone can forgive AND forget? Is that even possible? one learns from their mistakes. one basis their opinions and desicion on what they know. Even if one forgives one will make a decision based on what is meant to be forgotten.
Dear Sir Paulo,
Just recently, in fact 2 days ago, i have asked exactly the same question to myself..Do i forgive or just forget?
Two days ago, I was browsing the posts in my FB account and then, I saw the name of the person who I thought I have already forgiven.
The following are the exact words i have posted on my profile:
and i thought i have forgiven you..but, you can still infect me..you still make my blood boil..you still tickle the hatred that i have tried to banish for centuries now..you still manage to rouse that bad feeling i have kept in the deepest parts of my heart..you still kindle the very flame you lit the day your actions said our friendship was over..
i have already confronted the person, years back..im trying to do it now in a different way..more like confronting a phobia by exposing myself to the dangers that that fear can cause me…
it is still painful until now..very painful..the hurt is magnanimous, i can’t even trust the word magnanimous as the very word to describe it..astagfirullah…when happiness is taken away from you by the very person you thought would sustain it, everything breaks into pieces and no matter how you try to glue the bits, the fact that the thing is broken screams and tells you in your face that it can’t never be the way it was before..
in a way, i have already forgiven the person..but the pain that verily seethed into the depths of my heart and soul will always be there..i might forget it at times..i might be able to bury it deeper..but the fact will always remain..the feeling will always be there..
Have I forgiven the person? I believe so. Have i forgotten the pain she caused me??I know I have not and I will never forget it. I may not feel it all the time, but it won’t mean it’s not there already.
I agree to your opinion very much…
That statement qouted by you “when happiness is taken away from u by the very person whom u thought would sustain it, everything breaks into pieces……. ” is very much true!!!
I wish u could be able to forgive that person one day in your lifetime.
try to find a happiness that doesn’t depend on anybody… nobody can bring you happiness, only you… and if somebody feels that they are sustaining your happiness, they will eventually leave, because this is too big a burden for one person…
trying to find inner happiness is a journey that can last many centuries, many lives… pain is a very important part of the journey!!!! i know it!!!
Hey Mr. Paulo Coelho.. I truely agree with you. We have to forgive and forget but we should also tell the person what wrong he did. U never know this may trigger something positive in him ..and if he want to listen further then thats great indeed.
Your books have been an inspiration for me and helped me greatly into the process of finding myself. Thank you so very much. I am from Mauritius and will love to meet you if u come this way.
Hello Mister Coelho,
The forgiveness is certainly a question of individuality, personality. Mine tends has to forgive easily or has to melt in the oversight what was difficult in my life, what brings to dull the memory and thus to forgive. But a recent event, go out of this rule and I think that my forgiveness will not be granted. I deliver you the English translation of a text which I recently put on-line on my blog,( http://pantherspirit.centerblog.net/) and which tells this episode of my life. It is my experience and the light of the forgiveness does not dress it. I just hope that my memory will limit thorns in time.
THE CRUSHERS OF SOUL.
My life stopped on December 19th, 2008. Finally, I want to say the former, the one that I knew of front, the one who had built me little by little of the childhood in the maturity, the one who had managed to harmonize as a laborious work all the young and big chaos of past, to dull them and integrate them as being a part of me, in the same way as my sonatas of happiness. A puzzle in a way, which had become coherent and with which I realized my adventure ground as a fluid which becomes refined.
How could I imagine a single second, that three men and a woman went skillfully, cruelly, deprive me of me deeper? A company of every day, which nibbles as an invisible cancer. Condition to kill better, degrade to infiltrate the most insidious of the perversions in to make it reach one almost normality, where any mark is corrupted. The victim is a victim, but does not realize it any more in depth. The surface bleeds but the internal nucleus became amnesic the most elementary laws of the freedom of the being.
Three men and a woman had a practice in any consciousness, the bad, the one that gives to be able to it totalitarian, what is collectively called ” Moral Harassment “. Seen from the outside these two words seem esoteric, a little as a box of newspaper which tells a news item, and lines of which we go through with the indifference or certain scepticism. The eye of the reader can only stop on the embrasure of a window hiding the landscape of the sadness, because it is deprived of shocking image or hard-hitting offering him the opportunity to glimpse corpses.
On December 19th, 2008, I left, in this surge which we call “ instinct of survival “ the world of the crushers of soul. They had committed the small and horrifying error of excess, which, if it is accepted unchains all the limits, all the drift, little as the dam which has just given up its last rampart releasing cloudbursts, and cloudbursts, in which we can only die.
On December 19th, 2008, I thus became a survivor. It is already good, there are persons who are not lucky and who drown themselves in the suicide. It is necessary to believe that this outcome was not mine.
The one that I am today, the one who looks at the other one “of front “, wishes, by moment, to find her image, so imperfect she was. The piece of news (is a little bit foreign to me, and wonders that is going to look this forced transfer, waiting patiently that the memory goes away from this lived to remove thorns from it, and manages to bring “THEM” towards the attic of the oversight because there is indeed a matter which it is impossible to me to make: grant them some amnesty.
On December 19th, 2008, if I saved this skin which did not cost very expensively, with the eyes of these so-called respectable citizens and above any suspicion, I know with all the recession which separates me from this date, that a part of me died.
Harceleurs, I do not forgive you”
Then, Sir, Coelho, I hope that the oversight will come one day, but I do not believe in my forgiveness and for the first time my life.
Friendly
Brigitte
I forgive but hardly forget…. The thing is that in my case my anger can last only for a few moments and then I am ok again. I can’t be angry at one person even if I have to be…and so I forgive. I don’t like that and realise that this is not always good for me but that’s me….
so true!. its only just a futile and a sneaky attempt for the culprit to avoid having to face the consequences of his/her miserable actions.
It all depends on the person, who it is. Depending on this person, you must realize that not ever body can be helped, or changed. To fight fire with fire as a exact counter part is obviously the wrong choice. There are things people know and what their eyes are not open to understanding. It all goes with awareness in recognizing the Continuous probability of what may come to be the cause which derives, based off their personal background. Then comes the questions of betrayal, and other deceptive acts of choices. Do they know any better? Did they apologize? Without a consequence there will always be the factor of a risk to endure if you forgive once and some thing happens again. Therefore, it all depends on the damage done. If my car gets keyed and i know who did it, i will never forgive them. If they steal something from me that isnt of much value, i will forgive. God wants us to be forgiving and loving, but Satan wants us to feel pain and be demoralized. As long as we can adjust and be invulnerable, and not let the past damage our memory’s we will never be unstable. It shouldnt matter if we have forgiven them for a obvious mistake which they in return may feel regret or be hurt by their own choices.
Some things can be forgiven while others cannot. There are different reactions to Strangers and People you know. But it isnt worth letting it bother you. Forgive the person, not their actions. It all depends on what exactly they have done to the greater extent. If they do exceed the limitation of crossing the line to agitate a person severely. They do not deserve forgiveness, but are not to be judged so we can forget and move on.
Love this.
Dear Paulo,
In the process of forgiveness, my opinion is that we forgive, but we do not forget. To re-member, is to keep ourselves together and whole. We do not abandon and forget the wicked, for they are us and we are them.
We know that a person who is in a state of pain is going to hurt others. It cannot be helped. So we remember and we pray for this person. We pray with sincerity that they may find relief from their pain and suffering. We send them love to release the pain. Not sentimental love, but God’s Love… that all powerful, transformative power that is our Divine heritage to access and apply where needed.
We also must forgive ourselves for the pain we feel, so that we do not pass this pain on to others. We release the pain from our system with Love.
forgiving is a choice, not a feeling..be just.
I think forgiving is a choice and also a feeling, if you want to you can always forgive someone.
I think there is a difference between the hurt that occurred to you during your childhood and the one that happens in adulthood (that we have been carrying along since our childhood). We have to acknowledge the role we have been playing into that relationship as well… and I believe for this to occur, we have to be aware… otherwise -history repeats itself- until you learn the lesson.
Time heals.
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