I wonder if there is anything like ‘unconditional love’? Why does love cause hurt, if its unconditional?
Definitely there is unconditional love. This love, in its very core, comes from within. It is what moves us in the direction of our true selves.
There’s a beautiful quote in the Upanishads that states:
“In all persons, all creatures, the Self is the innermost essence. And it is identical with Brahman: our real Self is not different from the ultimate Reality called God.”
Be careful when you say that “love hurts” – it is not love that is painful, but its absence.
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Hi, I would just like to pose a question. What is it that we love in others? Is it the idea, our perception of others that we love? Could this be the reason why some married couples turn hateful towards each other, because after years of being together they find that somehow their ‘idea’ of their supposed ‘loved one’ is totally different from who they really are. Maybe this is why love hurts, because we can only love the other when he/she fits our ‘idea’ of who they are. Maybe unconditional love is to love the other person beyond who she/he is. Which is to say also that if you can love your partner unconditionally, then you can love each person, each being, unconditionally.
Every single person on Earth is constantly in a state of pretense; pretending to be something or someone that one actually isn’t – to make others happy; and at times, to make ‘the self’ happy. I think that’s the curse on humanity – the ability to pretend. We can never just be completely honest. At some point or the other, we tend to put our pretense above our true selves. And as long as one is locked in this stage (which in the case of almost everybody, is forever), there cannot be unconditional love.
Hey Susan: I’ve been wondering the same thing.When love is so pure and so beautiful, why does it then hurt.Maybe i have still many things to experience before I take any sort of conclusion about love.
I don’t know how to define it, I think love just exist, maybe it cannot be defined by anyone.
But however, I guess everyone need it, and every single person deserve it.
-Lovley answer aditya
Regards Ekta
wow so much talk of love, so much understanding of love, not to mention so much yearning for love, surely earth must be a love paradise.
deepa dahling ( please don’t mind my trangressions, in case u do please say so, i won’t repeate it, that dahling bit is in sweet memory of an old dear friend, with time we just drifted apart ), to answer your question, ( however inadeautely ) : there is much that is going on in the name of love. in any case love is that which does not expect anything in return, happiness of that someone is a reqrd in itself. there are instances when people take advantage of others in the name of love; no harm yet, teh chap who is taking advantage is falling below whatever level of consiousness s/he might be and the person who is ‘giving’ in love is rising. having said that it’s best to saty away from people who use love as a commodity.
love
aditya
That last line was so beautiful……and so true..
Perfecto no es el amor lo que duele, muchas veces se le describe y se le dan nombres al amor que no le corresponden.
Deberíamos pensar en eso y así hayaríamos la causa y la solución.
Un beso
Dear Zero, Dear Isobel,
It is just like that, where eternity touches endless !
Dear Deepa,
Thelma gave you the very best answer on your question.
Thank you Thelma for such lovely citation!
Love
Luce
“To love, or to have loved,–this suffices. Demand nothing more. There is no other pearl to be found in the shadowy folds of life. To love is a fulfilment”.
Victor Hugo.
LOVE,
Thelma.
Безусловная любовь несомненно существует. Само слово безусловная – означает без условий. Это значит что ты принимаешь человека безо всяких условий, таким, какой он есть, со всеми его достоинствами и недостатками, не пытаясь переделать и исправить. А если есть какие-то условия (наподобие ты мне – а я тебе), то это больше похоже не на любовь, а на сделку.
I believe there is unconditional love.
But I think when you say love hurts, it is not love that causes hurt. It is our own ego that cause the pain. We feel hurt when we feel betrayed, disappointed, don’t get what we expect. While unconditional love doesn’t care about that. It keeps on loving.
Hi Guys,
Great stuff, just want to know one thing, what if the person you love is just using you for his or her own benefits?
Regarads,
Deepa
According to me ‘Unconditional LOVE’ is a phrase which can be understood better by splitting the words. ‘LOVE’here refer to the desire for anything and ‘Unconditional’ as without any conditions. For example:when someone likes some thing (either a living or non living object)very much and in return if that person expects returns from that relation then it becomes Conditional LOVE. In this case(Conditional Love)majority will be disappointed due to unexpected scenarios.
But Unconditional Love is something in which you give your 100% commitment without expecting anything in return.The entire efforts would be just for personal satisfaction and nothing else.
In a Village there was a teacher, who loved his job very much. He taught the children for his own love towards that profession and not for salary that he was paid.In years, due to the decision taken by some politicians the school was demolished.The teacher did not loose the hope and love towards the job. He started teaching the students under tree for free. This is what is an UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, withot any expectations.He reaped the fruits of his unconditional love in years to come.
the abcense of love hurts- love doesnt hurt- but we need some balance when we love even no the exact same balance- and even love with no condition- but we want to feel loved -and to love,,,
i know that i give love with NO condition- and i am very happy to be loved- it feels GOOD!
lots of love orly
And one last thing; The worst part actually is, that after all the horrible things that have been said and done, and I really tried disliking him and stop loving him in every possible way..but after all that; I still love him. And he still loves me, I’m sure. There’s just circumstances that make it impossible.
How to create a Zahir.
Love
Yes, unconditional love typically is what is between parents and their children. Children go on loving the adults in spite of all the intentional/unintentional misguidance, and adults cannot stop loving their own flesh and blood, even in cases where they end up as hard core criminals. Sometimes we see in movies Fathers say; ‘You are not my son anymore’ or Sons say; ‘You are not my father anymore’. But I believe its very rare we give up on family bonds.
The Al-Anon programme, deccribes ‘letting go with love’…not bitterness, not hate, resentment etc which is ultimately not good and bad for ‘me’!
I love my son the ‘Zahir’ unconditionally-love has hurt us both.
Love,
Breda
Oh, and I also so agree what Irina Black says; that you don’t exist anymore seperadly. Maybe thats why it hurts so much if the one you love unconditionally is no longer able to show that same love for you. It feels like half of yourself is dying.
Again, I can just pray that I will ever feel that unconditional love again… am sure its in me… somewhere.
Love
Oh, I so agree with this!
Unconditional love is the most beautiful thing in the world! It makes you feel like flying…
And when the person leaves you felt this for, it makes you feel like killing yourself I discovered recently. And him with it. I won’t do that in reality off course, but let just say that if “Words are Gods favourite tool”, God tried to kill him with words. And he killed a part of me with not saying anything.
Love is such an huge super strong emotion, I honestly thought I was dying when he left. But well, I didn’t. And neither did he.
I can just hope and pray I will ever feel that again. Surely love is inside of everybody, and I also believe that everybody is a God or Godess… but it feels like the last God killed my Godess so to say.
Anyway…
Love
When you have children, unconditionl love is not a difficult concept to grasp. There is an act of co creation, they have come to you and you have asked for them.If you meet your soulmate the same thing is true or certainly in my experience and then it’s that feeling you strive to create with all those other souls around you. If we can just be.If we can just see the wonderful spiritual paradox that what we feel is reality is a complete illusion then we are awake as the Buddha said and then nothing but unconditional love is possible. I have learnt that the path is tough but when we open our hearts and we’re not afraid of what life may throw at us then we can stand like the Christ figure with arms completely open ready to receive and give everything and anything.
I think we are referring to the agape love which strives to be unconditional but is a process. Can unconditional attribute be give to eros love as well? I guess that was my question.
pienso que el amor no nos hace daño que si es incondicional porque cuando amamos damos lo major de nosotros con mi esposo por ejemplo le doy lo mejor de mi y comparto con el las penas que el pueda tener aunque yo se que el en algunas ocasiones por lo general no lo es conmigo pero, yo me siento bien haciendole y feliz sin condicionar que el me lo retribuya pero obviamente si lo conversamos y aunque a el le suene como reclamo le trato de hacer entender que el amor solo se da ala persona por la que tu estas segura que es tu propia mitad que a quien esperastes durante tiempo y al fin lo encontrastes y quien llena tu vida.
Marie-Christine,
You are always welcome :)
God bless you too !
And carries on eternally longer after our bodies will be ashes cause it is engraved in our souls
Love is unconditional
and if it is not unconditional it is not love.
Many people do not know what love is..what they believe to be “love” really is being attracted to and relating to another person (for very personal and egioc reasons!)
The emotional turmoil called “falling in love” and “being in love” with someone actually has nothing (or very little) to do with love. That is just a game-playing; as long as either person plays his/her role so that it fits within the others expectations, everyone is happy…but as soon as either one do something that does not fit within the expectations of the other, there is misery, anger, non-acceptance.
Love is unconditional and indepedant.
Love is the state you’re in when all expectations and ideas are left behind.
Love is the true nature of the universe.
Love is like the air we breathe: the air does not say: “Oh you did something nasty to me, so I will not go into your lungs before you apologize”….no the air is there, equally available to each one of us, all we have to do is nothing ;)…just relax and let the body do the breathing.
So it is with love too: relax into it.
;)
Zero
unconditional love comes from your soul.it is beautiful.
Santosh Kalwar
Thanks for that.
The answers are all inside of us.
Love and God bless you too.:)
I am happy to hear the answer from Paulo too.:) beijos
Not forget Upanishads are long texts, of religious nature. One need years to study them.
See wise Savita,we agree.I was not reading your reply,Is just a case.
Love
Alexandra
we can be hurt by our expectations.I wish everybody a serene happy feeling.
Yes, there is Unconditional Love
and
No, Love does not hurt, The Unconditional Love does not hurt. It fills you with joy, it makes you feel eternal.
That is how I feel.
Love
Luce
Unconditional Love.You don’t wait anything,as you don’t exist anymore separately.
I love this saying…
“Be careful when you say that “love hurts” – it is not love that is painful, but its absence.”
It is so true, but yet, I have never realized it before!!
Marie-Christine,
I am sorry but I wanted to answer your question-
Q)How do you store all that information, Writers ?
A)Writers don’t store information, they already know it. The info that they get from books, text, media and by other means just enhance their understanding of what they feel and have gone through in their own life time.
I believe we all are messengers and we should convey one message from those who are in pain to those who need help, those who are suffering and those who are in need. No body is perfect and nobody has all the information to heal the pain of the world. If you know how to learn from your own daily life, it is very easy to learn from others. Therefore, there is no store house in writer’s mind or brain. There is only storefronts.
Sorry Paulo, I tried to answer on my own. You can go ahead and give your answer to Marie-Christine too…
God bless you all !
Dear all,
Q)I wonder if there is anything like ‘unconditional love’? Why does love cause hurt, if its unconditional?
A) Yes there is unconditional love.
Love hurts because you lack love and love is within you forever and ever. It will last as long as you want it to last for you. It will heal all your pain and at the same time it will bring joy in all your boring days.
“Love is immortal like a soul and human body is what all we see from outside, try going deeper and more deeper you will find it, just sitting like a small child in a corner of a room, inside you.”
God bless you all !
I think what causes hurt in love is not any aspect of love itself, but our own expectations – our desire for a specific outcome, our desire to have things be a certain way (our way). And when we have expectations of this nature, love is not unconditional. The formula for this kind of love is: “I’ll love you, but only if….” This formula may be subconscious, but it is, nonetheless, the basis of conditional love: I will love you, but only if you fulfill my expectations of what I think you should be or become. I will love you, but only if you’ll agree to certain conditions, only if you’ll give me what I want from you. I’ll love you, but only if our relationship fits my terms.
These sorts of expectations are bound to end in disappointment, if not an all out battle – no one on earth is ever going to be able to be exactly the way you would like them to be, no one is ever going to be able to fulfill your every need and want and desire. And when disappointment comes, or when struggle for control enters in, that is where the hurt begins.
In English, the word “detachment” holds rather negative connotations. We think of one who is “detached” as being cold, unable to love or show affection. But there is another sort of detachment, which the Hindu sages have proclaimed for centuries as the key to peace and happiness and the experience of much love (painless love) in this life. This sort of detachment involves extracting your expectations from the people around you and the relationships in which you are involved, and placing the whole of your expectancy in the Divine (in God or the Goddess). This means that you do not look to those around you to give you a sense of fulfillment – to fulfill your expectations and wants and needs – you look to God.
When one adopts this sort of position, everything suddenly changes. Disappointment and consequent hurt is no longer a possibility, because you are being sustained wholly and completely by the Divine within. Even when things do not go your way – the way your ego would have them go – your higher self knows that there is a reason for this and that, indeed, all is exactly as it should be. You may not know what God’s greater plan for you is – you cannot look out over the entire arc of your life and see how present disappointments and failures will lead you exactly where you need to be – but you will have faith that this is so. So, you will no longer cling to things so tightly – insisting that every situation must meet your expectations, that every person must be as you would like for them to be – you will be able to let go and let God take control of your life.
This may sound contrary to the concept of having a Personal Destiny and striving to fulfill this destiny, striving with your whole heart. After all, isn’t that an expectation? Yes, it is. But one’s Personal Destiny is not the same as a goal selected by the individual ego. When you come to know your Personal Destiny, you have aligned yourself with the Will of God. You are no longer swimming upstream, going against the current – you have become an instrument of the Divine. On this path, there is no disappointment – you will not find yourself blocked, only redirected now and then, realigned with the target set by the Divine within. This path is not a path of cobbled stone – it is more like a river, flowing. The movement along it is fluid. Just as water flows around or over or under obstacles – just as a river can eventually erode through a wall of stone – such is one who is on the path of their Personal Destiny.
This fluidity, this ability to let go and just flow, is the same position we need to adopt in reference to love. It is when we dig our heels in and insist that our expectations be met, that we begin to feel hurt, when we begin to feel more like victims of love than recipients of love’s blessings. I know that this is a rather overused analogy, but only because it is so fitting: In love, we should be as the rose. It gives its perfume freely. It does not wait to be sure that someone is standing nearby to receive that gift. It does not ask for expressions of appreciation. And it does not withhold its perfume under any conditions. It is a rose, and so it does as a rose – it gives freely of itself, expecting nothing, lacking nothing. The rose, after all, is not nourished by the passers-by, whether appreciative or not. Its sustenance comes from the soil below and the warmth of the sun above. It is firmly rooted in and sustained by the Divine.
So, the next time you feel hurt in love, try extracting all your expectations from that other person and the situation in which you are involved, and place your expectancy in God/the Goddess instead. Detach from the object of your love, and re-attach yourself to the Divine within. Immediately, the pain should subside: all is as it should be.
I had to check the meaning of it first.
Upanishads
the inner or mystic scriptic.
Upa means near
ni means down
s(h)ad to sit
to sit down near
“it is not love that is painful, but its absence -
How do you store all that information, Paulo?
I just love to know.