The price of hate and pardon – Part 2

Paulo Coelho


“It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”

“I have been hurt many times.”

“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

“I think it’s human.”

“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”

After this conversation with J, which took place just before I traveled to spend 40 days in the Mojave desert in the United States, I began to understand better the boy, the adolescent, the hurt adult I once was. One morning, going from the Valley of Death in California to Tucson in Arizona, I made a mental list of everyone I thought I hated because they had hurt me. I went along pardoning them one by one and six hours later, in Tucson, my soul felt so light and my life had changed much for the better.

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  1. slacker says:

    Good article , I’m going to spend more time researching this subject

  2. […] From Paulo Coelho’s blog: […]

  3. […] The price of hate and pardon – Part 2 ( […]

  4. Marie says:

    Hi ashram,
    I don't think you can completely let go of the past as it is the past that shaped you today. And for sure there are some significant things happened in your past. But I agree, we must pardon so we do not have hatred. I'm lucky to say that I don't hold any hatred in my heart!

  5. ashram says:

    If we learn to let go of the past and pardon the person whom caused us great pain and suffering, the feeling is so relieving and wonderful!! Pardoning someone is the only way which we can unburden the hatred that we are carrying in our hearts, and if we want to have a happy life pardoning is not an option,it is a must…

  6. Keith says:

    I read this piece several times, and I still did not understand. I understood the words, but I did not understand what they were saying. Looking at the responses, I do not think others understood either, the only difference being I knew I had not understood.

    The concept of forgiveness has already been discussed in Forgiving and Forgetting. If we do not learn how to forgive we run the risk of being consumed by hatred, like the stranger who visits Viscos in The Devil and Miss Prym and tried to tempt the villagers with bars of gold to break one of the Ten Commandments ‘thou shalt not kill’, his soul had become bitter and twisted and allowed the Devil to enter.

    To him that hath …

    Is this not ‘God helps him who helps himself?’

    We see people who bemoan their lack of luck. If we look closer, we find that those who bemoan their ill luck fail to grasp the opportunities that life has to offer them. Unlike Santiago in The Alchemist, they have failed to read the signs. Santiago could have sat in the square feeling sorry for himself. Instead he saw it as an opportunity, the chance of a great adventure. He has already seen and experienced more than if he had remained as a shepherd boy.

    The truth comes knocking on the door and we say go way, we are too busy looking for the truth!

    The Gospel of Thomas opens with:

    These are the hidden sayings that the living Jesus spoke and that Didymus Judas Thomas wrote down.

    And he said:Whoever finds the correct interpretation of these sayings will never die.

    Jesus said: The seeker should not stop until he finds. When he does find, he will be disturbed. After having been disturbed, he will be astonished. Then he will reign over everything.

    Stripped of all extraneous material, the sayings of Jesus become like koans, something to meditate upon. What is the sound of one hand clapping? He who understands will gain enlightenment.

    Jesus said: Whoever possess some will be given more. Whoever possesses virtually nothing will have what little he does possess taken away.

    It is a truism today as it ever was that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, be it peoples, countries or persons.

    The common assumption is material possessions.

    The question though we have to ask is possess what?

    The Gospel of Thomas is a mystical gospel, we are seeking enlightenment.

    A little light is cast by Mathew (13:12) with reference to the ‘mysteries’ of the Kingdom of Heaven. Some people may have little access to these mysteries, but if they fail to make use of what they have they will lose everything. Those who seek find. Saints, holy men, prophets, mystics and Masters of the Tradition have little problem crossing the transition zone, for the rest of us it is not so easy but not impossible.

    We all have gifts, but if we fail to use them we will lose them, they will be taken away.

    Its is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Jesus said: Blessed are the poor, for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Used by the Church for centuries to keep the poor downtrodden. Be satisfied with your position, because you will reap your reward later.

    In the context of the Gospel of Thomas this takes on a different meaning. The persecuted Cathars who set aside material wealth to pursue enlightenment.

  7. aditya says:


    forgiving does not mean not fighting for what is right, had i been in your place i would have opposed and fought that nerdy team lead but without any hatread. suppose u are attacking me with a stick, i forgive you but at the same time i too raise my stick to parry the blow, if needed, to stop you from causing harm to me, i may have to cause harm to you, which i will cause, but only that bare minimum which will prevent you from hitting me further.

    basically, what we need to do is meditate, meditate at least 1 hour every day. and end our meditation session with few prayers.


  8. Maria says:

    had a small fight with my brother. Before we cud make up, he left to God’s abode. Never cud say SORRY. thought i’d never fight/hate anyone later. But my forgiving nature just the worse of me. Have been asked to leave a company only b’coz I forgave a nerdy team leader! If i would have hated & fought for my rights….today he wud be out not me.
    Destiny may have played a role ….anyways…i think the hate against him…gives me the will to fight back to find the next opening!

  9. sido66 says:

    On the road of Holy Jacques, I left the sufferings and I cried to forgive those who had hurt(damaged) me, to ask for their forgiveness to God, and to give them my forgiveness.

    It is important to have the heart in peace, to love the others, and be able to help them

    And then learn not to judge, but to LOVE the other one.

    By love and by His love

  10. aditya says:

    May 3, 2009 at 6:40 pm
    …but what is with those who tortured you? Can you ever pardon them too? I think this is an extreme experience where pardon is nearly impossible. How do you deal with this situation?

    monika, i agree that to pardon in such situations one will have to lift oneself up to divinity, but it is possible as was clearly shown by Zesus.

    and while pardoning please remember that it’s not you who is pardoning, u merely make an appeal “father, pardon them for they know not what they do” my eyes grow tearful as i once again remeber zesus prior to being on that cross, and those tears give me the strength to egg on ! if anyone of you have seen ‘passion of the christ’ u will see what i mean. zesus showed that whatever injustice we may be facing whereever, it is possible for us to stand our ground and yet feel no enemity towards our oppressors !
    sorry for going off on a tangent, let’s balme it on those tears !

  11. vert says:

    je déteste le désert. je souhaite que la vie n’ait pas des déserts. les mères m’irritent mais je ne peux pas les aider mais aimer. et quand je les aime elles disent que ce n’est pas amour. je me sens fermé. i can’ ; attente de t pour commencer l’école. je veux monter un cheval encore, sens les muscles se déplacer entre mes jambes et le vent dans mes cheveux. je me demande comme quel ciel est. j’espère qu’il EST REMPLI DE PAIX et il n’y a aucun combat ou douleur. seulement le bonheur qui dure un long temps, ainsi les gens gagnent la confiance que le bonheur peut durer cela longtemps.

  12. Cristina says:

    That’s true.
    Forgiving can ease the pain the problem is: you can forgive when the pain is not so big (for a pain like destroy your life or kill a person you love it takes more that one life to forgive).
    Second problem; if this pain is caused you by someone you live with it’s not so simple. A choice could be move on, but even this is impossible how to cope with it?
    I found a way: that is to go in another direction.
    A friend of mine psychologists, suggested me once tha people who are in depression look down, but if you simply look up in the sky and breathe, after some deep breath your depression starts to fade and you’ll feel better.
    This is not forgiving, but simpley try to escape.
    For me it worked.
    Have a nice day.

  13. Ironically I would never feel any relief or pleasure to hurt somebody who hurt me…It is pitty we should feel instead of pain because it’s poorness of the souls and minds that cause pain..there is nothing much to do instead of forgiving and being thankful to know how to forgive and love

  14. Juliane says:

    Once in my life I was hurt too much for being able to pardon. It made me suffering, for not being able and for wasting my time in thinking of what has happened. Very conscious I had to admire in this time, that my hate was going to “eat” me and no one else.My spiritual view of life was out of function. In this process I needed to understand, that also ” the energy of pardon ” is a mercy or grace of god and not under my decision.It means growing. Not to close the heart for being wounded, but to open it more and more
    Up from this time my compassion increased for those, who were hit too hard,… loosing loved persons by war or other tragedies and maybe not being able to pardon. This means hell to me.
    Lets be thankful every day for being able to pardon and return to love

  15. Anneliese says:

    Thank you Paulo!!! I am grateful to you!!!

  16. Monika says:

    …but what is with those who tortured you? Can you ever pardon them too? I think this is an extreme experience where pardon is nearly impossible. How do you deal with this situation?

  17. sabeeqa says:

    i do feel that to forgive is a favour we can do to ourself more than any other person…but i guess sometimes somebodys actions can change the entire course of your life…you land up somewhere maybe you wouldn’t have …you may get affected in a way you never wanted to…and under such circumstances if u forgive u are great and if u can forgive and forget that makes you an angel….all a mindset …that can make life eaiser to live…

  18. aditya says:

    Hi paulo !

    quite an unbredening expereince it is when you remember all your hurt and also all the hurt that you may have caused and pardon ‘them’ and yourself too one by one.

    I too had the good firtune of being a ‘dicsiple’ of one Girishankar once for 6 days. In one of the group excercises we were brought to the ‘present’ by a series of twenty minutes excercises and then we were asked to remember all the hurt first the onece we were subjected to and then the once we may have caused. then we were asked to put it all in a ‘havankund’, consign it all to flames, imaginary flames. of the twenty participants not one was there who did not cry at the end of this excericse, that unbrdening is so powerful.

    yet …. now i underatsnd, that pardoning cannever be complete if we don’t finally turn that -ve energy into compassion. energy remains, it can not be made neutral, either it remains -ve or one turns compassionate towards others and towards oneself too.

    pardoning is like preparing the ground, unless one consiously grows the flowers of compassion in that now prepared soil, any kind of plants, including the same old hate may come up once again ! PARDON IS COMPLETE WHEN IT TURNS TO COMPASSION. of couse one does not have to “go back to that person or give him benefit of doubt” but one can see that the person casusing hurt ( including myself when i have done ) knew no better at that time.

    ahhhright ! continuing with that biblical saying about those who have much, more will be given and those who have little even that little will be taken away. normally we see it in terms of wealth but it is true even for other things like love, fear, compassion, hate. ego, those hwo have much ego more will be added to it, those who have liitle ego it will slowly wean away. it is a matter of focus !


  19. marie-christine says:

    J’aime ce que tu dis ca- C’est encourageant.
    J’apprends doucement a pardonner, je ne trouve pas cela facile.
    Pourtant je sais qu’au fond de moi la personne qui subit le plus est moi-meme.

  20. Alexandra says:

    Dear Savita, I had some “friends” similar to yours. The fact that makes me smile now , after years , is that we had so much fun at times, and now I have many reasons to laugh if remembering those times. But is true, time erase many things. For example, one friend with whom I worked in shoes factory(long before), we used to pass time after finishing work in same places and circles. So, one day I got holiday because I was ill, and while taking the certificate to our boss, she knew that. She could not accept I go out, and she have to work. So, she asked me to get her bags out the factory,that way no one might notice her departure. I did that, and she went out as if she was going to bathroom. Well, we went in some cafes,things like that. Of course people come to know, and at our return to work we had big problems.I am sure today we should be both fired on the spot, but than was not so big deal.These ” friend” was a big liar , but wanted my company for alone she had no courage.
    Well, I wish I could read more on the 40 days in the desert.Does it appear in some of your books?
    Love, Alexandra

  21. THELMA says:

    I wish I could meet J, your Master, my dear Paulo, in .. flesh or in spirit!! He has touched your heart and soul and brought to the surface the real You and Magus. His role was a catalyst in your life .. It was the point of the .. Alchemist’s life. Our master, the Magus, you, dear Paulo.

    Yes, I find that life is so short to carry, with us and in us, all those people who have hurt us!! I leave the burden of their actions and wrong doings against me, on their … shoulders! I prefer to carry in my heart in my journey, my treasured memories, my beloved persons and love that make my Soul, lighter and brighter!!

  22. Marie-Christine says:

    mon sentiment exactement.

  23. Savita Vega says:

    I once had a friend who was very hurtful to me. She would do things, repeatedly, that would hurt me deeply. What was worse was that it seemed I could not escape from this pattern; she was not just a friend, we worked closely together on an almost daily basis – there was no way to avoid her, no way to simply flee from her hurtful actions. I don’t want go into the nature of her actions, as this is not really important. But she knew what she was doing, she knew that it hurt me, and yet despite my attempts to ask her to stop, she continued to do it repeatedly. In fact, after a while, it seemed to me that she was doing this on purpose, willfully, just to annoy me.

    As a result, a great deal of resentment slowly built up within me. Soon, I began to despise her for what she was doing. I was full of hatred and anger and all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. One day I finally got so fed up with the situation that I exploded. I screamed at her at the top of my lungs. Then, of course, immediately afterwards, I felt horrible. I felt extremely guilty for having lost control of myself like that. On the drive home in the car, I was completely distraught, and then something happened all of a sudden. I said to myself, “I’m not going to let her do this to me anymore – I’m not going to let her have control of my emotions. I’m not going to allow her to make me angry, I’m not going to allow her to turn this friendship to hatred.” In that moment, something inside of me snapped, and I completely forgave her. From that point on, no matter what she did, it simply did not bother me. I felt that, in that forgiveness, in that pardon, I had taken back something that belonged to me and was rightfully mine – control over my own emotions. I no longer had to “act” peaceful when I was around her, because I was at peace – complete peace. She no longer possessed the ability to annoy me.

    I realized that what had actually hurt me the most before, was not her actions in and of themselves, but all the turmoil this caused inside of me – the resentment, the anger, the hatred. This was what was really hurting me – just staying upset, agitated internally, every time that I was around her. But when I forgave her, all this disappeared and did not return. In essence, if there was a “battle,” I had won. I had removed my opponents ability to harm me. This did not justify her actions, of course. But it did cause me to pull through this situation feeling victorious. I could smile at her without faking it. I could laugh off her actions, the way a duck shakes water off its back. I was invincible. This shield of forgiveness had rendered my inner emotional realm impenetrable – no action she could commit could shatter my sense of peace and equilibrium. This was wonderful!

    So, the point is that when we pardon another, when we forgive them completely, and vow to continue forgiving them, this does not necessarily mean that we are “giving in,” raising the white flag and surrendering the battle. It can mean, ultimately, that we have won. In that act of forgiveness, we come out victorious, because we have taken away another person’s ability to make us feel anger or hatred toward them. Although we are forgiving them, we are doing the favor to ourselves. We win, they lose. They also win because they are forgiven, but we are the ultimate winners of the real battle – the battle to maintain control over our own emotions and to remain at peace within ourselves.

    40 days in the desert – a spiritual quest of Biblical proportions – perhaps you will share that experience with us sometime, too, Paulo. As for myself, I would love to hear more about it. The desert is a strange place, full of mystery and power. In a few days it can kill a man… or lift him up to peek beyond the curtains of Heaven.

    Much Love,

  24. T.K. says:

    I’m learning to make this pardoning a daily practice. Its challenging but is so refreshing when completed.

    The phrase: “I beg your pardon” as a way of excusing yourself for some indiscretion or apologizing for a mishap, takes on a different meaning for me after having read The Price of Hate and Pardon.

  25. Irina Black says:

    Pardon-to have the Rapport.

  26. Monika says:

    Six hours!!!
    You must have been hurted by a lot of people.
    I guess for my list a half an hour walk would be enough. I get accostumed to work off my list in short intervalls – this way I have not to carry so much burden with me.

  27. B*Sofie says:

    Since I`m about to commit to myself –
    there is a list of persons I intend to

    Not because I haven`t tried to before –
    No this time the list & the action will take place
    with a far more useful & powerful intention;

    To break out of my self-designed chains –
    this necessery period of learnig
    Out –
    to the new, great & unknown*

    Thank U Paulo

  28. Ca says:

    Querido Mestre,
    C’est magnifique. Merci beaucoup.
    Il y a un verse qui j’ai lu en quelque part, dont l’auteur je ne me souviens pas, qui disais qui tout ce que une personne fait de mal pour toi, tu écris dans le sable, et tout ce qu’il a fait du bien tu écris dans la pierre. Le vent amènera ce qu’il en a de mal.
    Je suis tout a fait d’accord avec toi, Cher Maitre, qui le pardon est un sentiment qui peut changer notre vie au positif. J’ai vécu í§a et je vis a chaque jour.
    Si l’amour est-il inconditionnelle on n’aura pas des raisons de ne pas pardonner l’ingratitude.
    Le pardon est un défi dedans notre cÅ“ur, au moment qui on est blessée la tentation peut venir forte en répondre de la míªme faí§on, mais il faut toujours tenir. Pourtant, il en a une délicate différence en celui qui pardonne a celui qui se subitisme et se fais de tapis. Je suis en train d’apprendre í§a.
    Si quelqu’un m’ai fait du mal, si je ne lui pardonne pas, si dedans moi je mets une colère contre cette personne, c’est a moi-míªme qui je ferai mal, pas a cette personne.
    Il y a ceux qui choisissent mettre tout l’énergie dans la mauvaise direction pour faire un cirque de la vie, et que tout l’énergie qu’on a pour donner notre mieux sois dissipée en rien. Je préfère les choses plus discrètes, plus pratiques, et qui l’amour puisse se transformer en compassion, mais pas en haine.
    Je demande toujours pardon, et si aujourd’hui est mon dernier jour sur ce planète je m’en vais sans avoir colère a personne. Je ne vais pas dire qui j’ai réussi a oublier, mais ce mal qui mon prochain m’ai fait j’ai donnée mon maximum pour en faire une alchimie, accepter le mal qui j’ai reí§u avec humilité, et apprendre beaucoup avec tout, parce que avant de juger quiconque je préfère regarder les choses qui moi je dois m’améliorer, í§a me conviens mieux.
    J’aimée beaucoup ces deux postes, et je te remercie, car c’est merveilleux quand quelqu’un qui on admire autant qui je t’admire pense de la míªme faí§on, car en plusieurs moments je hésitais si j’étais correcte de penser comment í§a, et en plus on vis dans une société qui ne vise pas ces valeurs, mais j’ai suivi mon cÅ“ur, et aujourd’hui je vois qui j’étais dans le bon chemin… merci !



  29. Catherine says:

    i think that to pardon – where maybe it is someone whom you love and who has hurt you.. then you must trust that person for the process of healing to really start. but it is definitely worthwhile beginning this journey, however strange. ;o)

  30. Heart says:

    We should do as your story teaches us, Pardon, Pardon and Pardon.

    We still have the right to our painful feelings. We shouldn’t blame ourselves when other hurt us. In confession I learned that it is never a sin to feel something. Emotions are not sinful. If I feel very angry at someone for hurting me, that feeling is not sinful. But as the Pastor says; What do you think Jesus feels for this person who hurt you? I would answer; Jesus loves him/her. And the Pastor would say; So, what should you do? Me; Love him/her too.

    Also in confession, I’ve learned to deal with my own pains through trying to focus more on the suffering of Christ in the Gospel, and the suffering of every human being in our surroundings, instead of constant self pitying. Yes, we have to move on, move away from our own pains, and just leave them. New better experiences will comfort and heal the past.

  31. Anca says:

    I woke up this morning knowing I will receive an important message. I didn’t get to spend much time on your blog, but this morning I read both parts of it, hungry.

    Forgiveness, true forgiveness, like all matters in life… proves what you invest you energy in that’s what you’ll have.

    It took me more than a year to understand a part of this point with my parents. They have had their tragedies, and I always hear them regretful that they didn’t separate, and feeling guilty that “I’m not normal, that they destroyed my life”. It used to hurt me a lot, and like you, Paulo, make me go on a quest about what is ‘normal’. Being young and told you’re already destroyed makes you wonder, makes one go looking for all the things than can be wrong about themselves, but…like hate and forgiveness, does it bring any energy towards hope?

    I kept telling them it’s no use living in the past, wasting your time with regret, but that’s all they seemed to do. One day I took the decision that I will love them no matter what they do and say, and that my life isn’t ‘destroyed’ even if they kept on saying that. Once I had that thought, it had to be lived, it had to be shown. It felt amazing to hear words once hurtful and be able to stand up, and still smile, still feel hopeful inside, and show that I am creating my life, and it can be wonderful. Not only as an emotional independence for me, but in time… I noticed they are more relieved, they don’t say regretful things that much, they don’t seem to be lingering into self-hate that much, and …even have plans for themselves!

    That’s when it hit me! Was it me keeping them in that state of regrets or were they keeping me there? Few things are more powerful than guilt, and keeping people in a state of guilt gives you power, and also unlimited excuses to keep failing. I’ll probably never know the answer to that question, or it was a combination of all of us, but it does not seem relevant anymore. What made a difference in my life is that I took a decision that changed it all, that included forgiveness, applied forgiveness. It was supposed to liberate me, it ended up liberating them as well :).

    Reading your piece, I realized I have gone through all the people ‘on my list’, including the man I love. And still the list is heavy, there’s one name I can’t erase. Maybe instead of a list of names I need to write down a list of things I need to forgive myself for.

    Thank you Paulo,

  32. CM says:

    The beautiful words you use, that are certainly good, do not fit with that corrupted society. I don’t pardon the persons that are now presently comploting our death.
    Sorry. I have no hate, that’s the difference. Let’s not mix hate with truth, hate with opposite feelings, hate with no no no.

    Your words are old like the sea. They belong to other societies, that can’t be mixed with the society we are leaving in.

    You that know, I wonder when you are going to tell the truth, instead of make us sleep with beautiful words.
    I guess all people learned pardon since they are babies. We don’t have to learn pardon, it’s part of the logical behaviour, from people like us, that are loving people. Loving earth, loving.
    I’m disappointed. Period.

    During the occupation, people didn’t think about pardon, but save other lifes, and theirs own. Pardon came after. And I guess we have work of truth before pardon. Don’t you think?

  33. Mirela Baron says:

    What a woanderful Master you have,Paulo!I would like to meet J.,one time!
    I started to pardon more consciencesly,I think arround 28 years,and I’v
    started with my father and my mother!I thank God day and night that he guided me to do that ,because I had the phobie to became children!And I thought if I will not live this experience I will mannage to hevitate the same painful experiences for my children too!After I’ve walked a very interesting Path to Moldova(the romanian part which is called like that),I was able to found ,meet and pardon my father and the masculine part of myself!And because I forgot this fear step by step I was initiated in the nechst…Who knows how many will have to still leave?
    The last 7 years were the richest in beautyful lessons like to see how is to die(because there are special moments,when you realy see the dead face to face)in the birth act !After I becamed my first child I said to many people:’Now I know that only to die could be more beautyful then to give birth!’It will sounds for many excentric…but that was what I felt!The body became such a coktail of hormons like drugs,that is able to mange it ,and I was able to see Light!My interpretation for this Light is Love!

    I think that the Intention with The Free Will ,will manage through Love to Pardon!

    Mirela(the woman in elevator)

  34. Mari Ann says:

    Having gone half way through my life, I don’t hate anybody. I don’t think I ever did. But I have been disappointed many times. And I cannot understand the way some people can behave towards others. It can be hateful. Indifference towards others, lack of understanding, no empathy. And I get very concerned when I try to integrate refugees. Indifference… What will happen if the financial crisis escalate? Is it possible that we could have another war in Europe?

    Very often the “perfects” operate in groups, and even in networks. Some of these people have very high thoughts about themselves. Many are well educated. They don’t hesitate for one second when it comes to abuse their power as individuals, in groups or in networks. And there seems to be no limit to what can be done when you have lost all your senses as to how you treat other human beings.

    What many of them have in common is that they have not tried very much of life. They may be intellectual, yet I consider them not ripe as human beings. Maybe that is why I have some friends that are quite old or old?

    I still believe in love. If love is not the solution, then there is no solution. Amen

  35. Alexandra says:

    Well, I see the point. Do not waste time and energy to plan vengeance,but to pardon. Seem a matter of will. I dont know if I can agree with that. I understand that if we like to be pardoned, we must do that with others. I will say depends much on the way they hurt, what they did. If it is a small thing, is easy. But think at somebody who has a kid murdered? Or things like that. Guess is very hard, maybe impossible to pardon in such case. Or what would be the use to say: Ok, I forgive, but inside our heart we still feel hurt, and some hate? I think if we hate, the feeling will not disappear just because
    we say “Now stop hatred”. We need a good motivation for that, or t least time. But I remember a saying, hope I say it well in English.
    Sit on the shore of the river, and you will see passing the body of your enemy. Pretty sarcastic…Guess means is no need you try to fight him back, nature will do it in your place…
    Wish all of you only friends, Love

  36. Akua says:

    What a wonderful and inspiring article.
    I shall follow suit, and also make a list, and shall pardon and therefore delete all negative people in my past. I shall even pardon myself for holding onto thngs for so long.

  37. Deedee says:

    Wow.Nice words here.

  38. Marie-Christine says:

    I have done my list too.
    “Il y a plus d’audace a marcher nu.”