Your Story in my Blog : Chrome Rain by Ivor W. Hartmann

Mry-An did not weep, she would not spare a single tear for the god-forsaken hellhole she was leaving. Overhead the sun blazed on the desert stretched out endlessly. She cast one last look behind her, at the dark entrance in the sand and array of pipes, vents, and sun trackers jutting haphazardly above the dunes.

From the entrance, Jabnar watched his daughter leave. He sought to fix every detail firmly in his mind; from the way she defiantly strode away, her long sun-bleached dread-locked hair that twitched angrily like a lion’s tail of old. The way she pursed her bottom lip and squint her hazel brown eyes when upset. Jabnar knew it was a distinct possibility he would never see his daughter again. So he watched until the very last glimpse of her, and with a slow sigh and heavy shoulders he turned to the airlock door.

Damn them all to Hell! Mry-An swore silently to the blinding sky beating down on her like an unruly elder brother; the hammer of rejection beat together with the sky to crush and meld her into something new. She let the rage burn white hot until it felt as if she would turn into a new sun, but the rage let loose guttered and died leaving her calm and cool. Her thoughts crisp, laid out the next few days. First order of survival was getting to the sanctuary and informal market of the Al-Wabe caves, some two days eastwards.

Please send your stories (250 words max.) for selection to paulocoelho.writer@gmail.com.

Comments

  1. Thank you one and all, who read my extract, and those who took the time to comment. For me it was all about a moment of parting (perhaps for life), from those you love and have lived life with, always hard no matter the circumstance. In Mry-An’s case with anger and defiance, but also for both, sorrow, deep emotional pain, and frustration. I also called on that trick of the mind that occurs when one is in a deeply emotional state, and your environmental surroundings seem to emulate that state of mind.

    There is much more to Mry-An’s story, and I have started releasing the whole story bit by bit at my Facebook Page, If you would like to read more and follow the Chrome Rain story: (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ivor-W-Hartmann/53179591392)

    Thank You Again Mr. Coelho for this wonderful opportunity. You are forever welcome in my Virtual and Real home, and the most real in all realities, the Home of the Heart.

  2. Adesola Orimalade says:

    It is very difficult to tell a good story in 250 words but you can certainly wet the appetite of the reader and leave them with a clear direction where their own imagination can wander.

    I quite like the fact that the story focuses heavily on the setting/background and less on dialogue.

    A very good one, Ivor…

  3. Colin Meier says:

    That’s quite evocative, Ivor. You’ve managed to get across a definite sense of atmosphere and character in a very few words. I’ve seen short-short’s called “postcard” stories before (they’d fit on a postcard – if you wrote really small…). Is the excerpt all one piece? I’d be a little bit careful about switching viewpoints (Mry-An, Jabnar, Mry-An) so quickly, but if you’re careful with it, it can work. I’d certainly like to read the rest of it.

  4. The short-story is -in my view-the most difficult prose form. A 250 max-long story has to be an even bigger challenge, but I found myself liking this. Another post-apocalyptic setting, Ivor? What better way to explore human nature than to put in an environment that is nothing like what we know today?

  5. Thamsanqa Ncube says:

    Great story Ivor! Cannot wait to see what happens next!

  6. Dances With Crayons says:

    WOW, perhaps a young person saying goodbye to poverty, hoping for a better life elsewhere. I wonder what her home-life was like. I want to read more, and hope she has faith, and finds what she is looking for! Thank you : )

  7. THELMA says:

    Beautiful description..
    The story brought to my mind Paulo Coelho’s quote: ‘How we move on..’
    By ‘bidding farewell’ and starting dreaming again…
    Thank you Ivor W. Hartamnn.
    LOVE,
    Thelma.

  8. Carla says:

    Very nice story! sort of says that change, transformation, comes from destruction.
    xxoo

    1. Alexandra says:

      Now you said it…I didnt notice, but you are right.

  9. This is engaging. So Engaing i cant help but yearn for more. Great work Ivor.

  10. Boakyewaa says:

    Very descriptive, Ivor.. I love the language and the color. She sounds strong and still vulnerable. Good job!

  11. Heart says:

    Juicy expressive style Mr Hartmann. Great!

  12. Provsion of a beautiful cinematic view of the life of Mry-An, all in just 250 words. It goes to show that great things truly come in small packages. Well done!

  13. Great story, Ivor.

    This is such a rich blog, Paulo!

  14. Thank you Mr Coelho! I am so very honoured that you have published my little short here. Love and Light. Ivor.

  15. Alexandra says:

    Being honest, I love some of the descriptive terms used. Thank you.

  16. Alexandra says:

    Parting is always dying a little. But this is a part of our life. My brother will move soon abroad. Already another is married in another city, havent seen him long time now.