I feel inordinately hot and weary. Drops of warm and clear sweat trickle down my temples, releasing their salt in my mouth. I am exhausted. I have been running for so long, they seem ages of endless marathon. And this hallway doesn’t seem to reach to an end. I enter one room after another; all furnished with old furniture, some Louis something, that smell like old maidens’ homes, lace, mold and mice excrement. My knees go soft and I am lying down to find some sweet and well-deserved abandon in a tiny bed that seems brought from Alice’s wonderland. The Lilliputian bed doesn’t hold my gargantuan weight, and collapses under me, opening up into a bottomless well. I am falling, screaming silently, with no chance of holding onto anything. I hear myself hitting the ground, concocted of the finest and shiniest sand. I firstly get up on my knees, then I straighten by back and start walking. The thirst is my mistress, puppeteering me like an inanimate dummy while the sun is hitting my face, burning my lips and nostrils. I reach to a dry oasis, surrounded by brushwood and bleeding cacti. My salvation: a leather gourd, buried in the sand, shows its head. I’m browbeating to it and snatch it greedily. I start drinking avidly as if my entire life and world’s knowledge would be on the bottom of that gourd. My mouth gets filled with sand. I am chocking. Blinking in slow motion, I am looking down, while my hands, feet and entire body are turning into sand. I am melting down into a humble pile of powdery and resplended sand and become one with the desert. The desert is me. I am the desert.
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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
The mystery is you, dear Hildegard. :-)
Sheela,
I will take your compliment as a personal wish. Any wish is a thought and any thought is universe’s command. I will blossom but I need to grow first. I want to, it is my moral duty as a human being.
Have some H2O for me too. I should have drank something before going to bed and maybe wouldn’t have this desert dream. :-)
Hugs,
Diana
Sheela,
Of course i answered you all. It would have been rude if i didn’t. You ALL took the time to read that small piece, at least I should have answered you, right?
Yes, I know my issues, and part of addressing these issues is to expose them in writing in order to desensitize them. It is rather cathartic. :-)
Yes, i am aware of what thirst means.
No, I don’t remember what Paulo said about the desert. I have read the Alchemist over ten years ago…Please do remind me.
:-)
Hugs,
Diana
Diana,
This piece was superbly written. Imagery was magnificent and the meaning was simply profound. Congratulations, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and allow me to admit that you extended my vocabulary. Well done, I look forward to reading more. Got a blog?
Lots of love,
Yajna
Hi Vajna,
Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I do have a blog. You can read it at http://dianachemali.blogspot.com
Oasis starts in your head.
So does everything else.
Thank you for the .. description, Diana Chemali. I liked the way you describe your .. agonizing running, ending up on the Lillyputs’ bed, in .. Alice’s wonderland, in a house.. Then the scenery changes and you are in the desert and you become the …desert, the sand itself..
It seems that you are in a dream, or better said, in a .. night-mare.. You are … everywhere or lost in ..no-where.
LOVE,
Thelma.
Thelma, thank you.
I managed to reach to the performance where I don’t consider any of my dreams nightmares, but oneiric experiences. I enjoy each of my nightly travel. :-)
Your story reminds me of a dream, thank you.
Pandora,
my story is a dream :-)
Drowning in sand or water — downing in illusions or obsessions…
first and most of all we drown in our egos. I have drowned many times. Hitting rock bottom is one of life’s lessons I always be thankful for. Your card castle crumbles down into sand…
“Do not be surprised that you fall every day; do not give up, but
stand your ground courageously. And assuredly, the angel who
guards you will honour your patience. “
St. John of the Ladder – A desert “Abba”
I have never been to the desert. However, spiritual “dryness” is not a stranger to me. I seem to swim in this dryness … more often than I like to admit…
Here is a link to a Sahara desert video on youtube…”Einmal die Wueste sehen” I just love the music ..can anyone tell me who it is?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Skm6cCpNvc&feature=related
With loving kindness,
Satora
Thank you Satora, for the … desert and the music.. Beautiful.
LOVE,
Thelma.
Satora, music provided by link is soul twisting.
My angel is an improved, perfected version of me. It is my sublime pattern which i aspire to become. In this aspect, we are all guarded by our perfected version of consciousness.
I haven’t considered the spiritual dryness, more the emotional void. But this is one way to look at it. Thanks for your comment.
And if you hold on longer Diana, you’ll be the water of the oceans, and you will be refreshed and purified and liquid and fluid…. You made me laugh, this is a funny piece.
Keep up the good work Diana
love
Carolena,
this is my least funny piece. But I am happy if i managed to create ANY emotion whatsoever. I reckon this is any aspiring writer’s desire: to be an emotion creator. Did I make you think about it: it is ok. Did I make you laugh? That is awesome. :-)
You should read about my corporate experience then. THAT is something to laugh about. :-)
Dear Diana Chemali,
Your story made me smile. We all feel like this at times, and the desert certainly can be challenging, even with all the deadly threats, snakes, scorpions, spiders and dehydrating. Myself, every day, take some time out, and sit under a shady tree. It works marvels, and as you say to; ‘become one with the desert’. Just give oneself over to the heat and let it caress your soul.
Love,
Heart
Dear Heart
(sounds funny, as if i am talking to my bodily organ that gives me so much ache :-))
My desert was an allegory, not a real one. True, the deadly dangers are hidden or obvious but so are the marvels. Did you know you could see the entire sky if you just lay on your back in the desert? :-) Unless you are on a top of a mountain (or high building) you could never experience such visual pleasure.
:-) Think of it this way.
Hugs,
Diana’s Heart :-)
You are killing me:” mold and mice excrements”…Too poetic…Thank you…
I meant to maximum crack you up, not kill you :-) Damn ! :-))
It is rather plastic, not poetic. But yeah, old maids’ houses smell like this sometimes. Old newspapers too, with cat’s urine stench. Didn’t want to be redundant or obnoxious, though :-) I thought mouse excrement would do.
:-)
In reading your story, Diana, the first thing that pops into my head is the story of Saint Mary of Egypt: http://everything2.com/title/Saint%2520Mary%2520of%2520Egypt
From the very first line, I am gripped by the vividness of the imagery you use, the simplicity and yet vibrancy of your words, so precise: “…one room after another; all furnished with old furniture, some Louis something, that smell like old maidens’ homes, lace, mold and mice excrement.” I think I know that smell! Those kinds of homes. You make me feel as though I am there with you.
I also love the circularity of the piece, the way it ends, “The desert is me. I am the desert,” leads us back to where we began, “I feel inordinately hot and weary,” which of course also echoes the title: “I am the desert.”
There is a book of literary criticism that I particularly like, titled “The Desert Is No Lady.” It is about several women artists and how they discovered inspiration as well as the very substance of their art in the desert landscapes of the American Southwest.
Your piece reminds me of a poem by Alice Corbin Henderson included in this book:
(He)…felt his soul grow vast
As the circle of sand and alkili.
His soul extended and touched the sky,
His old life dropped as a dream that is past,
………….
While the far horizon widened and grew
Into something he dimly knew,
And had always known, that had just come true.
Savita,
am reading the story of Mary as we speak. I am not familiar with any holy story, except of course “The Story” :-) not because I don’t want spiritually elevate but because I fear religious dogmas. I also loath the sale of “hope” which religion and its representatives circulate like a currency exchange. Selling hope is crime. So is taking it away with false promises.
Thank you. Yes, my piece meant to be circular, I like the cycle of things, the eternal return, so to speak. I like to look for coincidences and repetitiveness in life, for no accidental meetings and try to imprint this idea on my stories. Thanks for noticing.
Hugs,
Diana
This is really nice Diana!
Candieb,
:-) bows.
Diana
A very nice writing, a profound one too. Can wait to see what it meant or told to one and the other. When I read your text, I visualized myself in that desert, being thirsty. As the lines went, and the condition of the personage, my condition got worst and worst. I saw the water and drank and then, wow, what a feeling! For me, it brought me to those moments of total despair, of total darkness, of panic of not understanding, not knowing, of fear of passing next to the real path, of intense emotions of sorrow, of hurting, of depression. When in those moments I turned to my God, saying “ok, I accept that moment of intensity, I do not wish to flee it, confront it, evade elsewhere, or do like it will pass and forget it … no, I accept that moment, give me the courage to stay there My God, be with me, take me in yours arms, explain, tell me what is the source of that volcano that is erupting and making me feel so hopeless”. “I need to drink at your waters God for I know that your waters will heal me, secure me, tell me, guide me, and yes, I will go for I do not want to life that life but your life”. And as I pray, am honest, sincere, and with all my body, mind and soul in relation with God, calm, security, words of love, etc … begin to take place inside me, and more and more place, and then I feel and am like the personage that becomes a grain in the immensity of the sand.
Dear Johanne,
thank you for your appreciation. Indeed, I was curious to find out what this piece meant to each and one of you, as I certainly know what it meant to me. For me it was a hallucinatory experience, partially oneiric, partially plain daydream vision. A mixture of remains of the day, residual thoughts, wishful thinking, even a bodily desire to be right there, wrapped in the dryness of the desert. I always thought of the desert as a cleansing state, either is the real geographical spot we are talking about, or a symbol in a dream. It is the place that can hurt you, sooth you, clean you up or just blind you and getting you away from the path.
However, God was not part of my story. Sadly enough, I have an awkward relation with God. I guess I will get there. All in due time. We shall be speaking ten years from now.
But, at the end of the day, we are all grains of this…desert. It is up to us to become as one.
Hugs,
Diana
as face orice nebunie pentru a fi pentru totdeauna alaturi de tine…nu mai pot..noaptea apari in visul meu…ma trezesc si ma uit in jurul meu…imi dau seama cana fost doar un vis si incerc sa ma culc la loc..dar nu reusesc..gandul meu e plecat la tine..iar eu petrec ore din noapte privind cerul,privind orasul adormit in care ma aflu…stiu ca mai sunt cateva ore pana la rasarit…deschid fereastra si astept.astept sa-ti mangai cu privirea zambetul tau..cand soarele rasare,cand simt prima lui adiere,,atunci stiu ca esti fericita si zambesti..apoi astept sa se scoale si ceilalti,deoarece trebuie sa-mi incarc bateriile..am atatea sa-ti spun in fiecare zi,dar intotdeauna sfarsesc inainte de a incepe,pentru ca ochii tai ma himnotizeaza..si nu reusesc sa spun tot ce imi doresc…ma uit ore intregi la pozele tale..esti asa frumoasa,incat nu mai inteleg care este rostul stintei,a progresului pe acest pamant,daca tu ai atins frumusetea deplina…viata asta,pamantenii acestia,ochii tai si cu mine…nu stiu daca mai inteleg ceva,stiu insa ca trebuie sa lupt…inima ma obliga sa imi continui drumul spre zambetul tau… ssimt nevoia sa vorbesc despre pasiunile mele,despre viata mea..pentru ca am nevoie de ajutoe..am constatat ca sunt un pierzator pe acest pamant necunoscut…stiu ca multi considera viata cel mai pretios dar,stiu ca unii se bucura de ea…dar pentru mine este o bautura cu venin…mirosul ei ametitor cuprinde veninul sagetilor care se opresc in sufletul meu…poate ma privesti cu sila,poate iti este doar mila de un trup nevinovat ajuns in prapastile groazei…intotdeauna mi-a placut arta….cea mai importanta arta este iubirea..am vrut sa sculptez o poveste de dragoste,dar se pare ca n-am reusit…drrumul prin desert pana la piramida fericirii m-a invins…ochii tai par acum iluzii ..iar viata mea s-a transformat intr-un calvar…inima mea inceteaza pentru cateva secunde..in acele momente,cand ajung sa devin vant,cand pot atinge razele fierbinti care domina desertul,reusesc sa-ti vad chipul ascuns..reusesc sa mangai un zambet nevinovat,reusesc sa renasc si sa ma ridic in picioare..stiu ca poate nu voi reusi sa ajung cel mai cunoscut in aceasta lume,dar nu asta conteaza…sunt un aventurier in aceasta lume,incerc sa-mi gasescd comoara care ma poate face fericit..comoara esti tu…iar drumul spre tine pare foarte greu..lacrimile,nici ele nu mai au puterea sa curga pe obraji mei…pasii mei nu o mai pot lua nici inainte,nici inapoi…am ramas in acelasi loc…pentru ca astept aparitia ta…tu esti pasiunea si idealul meu pe acest taram….tu,doar tu ma poti trimite in varful fericirii,sau ma poti trimite in oceanul fara fund al tristetii..
cer scuze pentru greseli gramaticale…
iubire,adrian
care greseli? Esti un mit…
Iubire si tie, Adrian.
Esti minunat. Nu iti mai cere scuze. Sensibilitatea sufletului tau transcende limitele limbii si a regulilor trasate de oameni.
Iti multumim.
Diana
juts hold on and soon u will be the desert flower, something so rare, soon u will be the song of the desert so soothing !
love
aditya
complete your existance, be the desert in its completeness,
don’t get stuck after being one fraction of your existnace, thinking this is your total existance, past, present and future,
don’t get stuck to expereinces, your own views,
look not for those views which reinforce your views, look for those which expands your view.
love
aditya
Aditya,
When one is so rare like a desert flower it risks not to be found :-)
I am not afraid. I am not stuck. Just temporarily stagnating. I reckon I deserve this break. :-)
Love back,
Diana
Annie,
Thank you. Come to think of it, we are all Alices in Wonderlands, where we feel lost, thirsty, dry. Life has only a few major themes, from this point of view is like a philosophy schoolbook, we never reinvent the wheel. If we are lucky, some well-intended passers-by get our attention and give us road indications, so we get to the destination faster. In other cases, we have to find the “yellow brick road” ourselves. In the process we might get exhausted, spiritually doubtful, desperate even.
Bottom line is, keep on walking, either in body or pure spirit. The purpose is the journey not the finishing line.
multumesc foarte mult pentru aceste cuvinte..