“We’re gonna run it,” said Josh. “Don’t you dare!” said Anna. “We’ll be there by midnight – meet us by the stables.” She didn’t believe him, of course – it was fifteen miles. “Anna, I love you!” said Josh. “Don’t!” she said, and hung up.
Suddenly, there was a taping on the window. “What’s that?” screeched Darcy, Ann’s cousin. “Shhh!” said Anna, “Mom and Dad!” Ann’s own heart began to pound as she pulled back the curtain and pressed her face up to the darkened windowpane. It was Aaron. “Come quick,” he said, motioning. “I can’t believe it,” said Anna, “They’re here!” Hurriedly, the girls made their way out of the house.
Anna stepped into the tackroom and gasped. On a horse-blanket, on the floor, lay Josh, covered in blood, huge gashes running crossways of his thighs and chest. His white track shirt, hanging in shreds. “He hit a barbed-wire fence,” said Aaron, “It was dark, he was way ahead of me…” Anna understood immediately: the new fence, dividing what just last week had been a hundred-acre open field. “We were almost here and he was sprinting for the finish, and….”
Aaron stood outside with Darcy. Though Anna had seen her mother, a veterinarian, sew up horses a hundred times, her hands trembled slightly as she pulled the curved needle through the flesh on Josh’s thigh. “Don’t move,” she said firmly. “I love you,” said Josh, through clenched teeth. A horsefly buzzed against the bare light-bulb on the ceiling.
Please send your stories (250 words max.) for selection to story@paulocoelhoblog.com.
Thank you Savita, vividly expressed.. Although I feel the story has not finished.. It is for sure the limit of the words..
I have learnt to say everything I want with just a few words, because living with … lawyers for so many years, has made me go straight to the … POINT!! They do not have … patience to listen to the whole story!! Sometimes I feel so frustrated!!! ;] To be a good .. listener is a talent that very few people possess! To be able to sit and let your attention focused on a film, a book, a Sonata from the first note to the last, including the … pauses too!
LOVE,
Thelma.
p.s. Thank you Paul for teaching us ‘what cameo role’ is.. Annie has explained it to me, because I was wondering… T.xx
Maybe in an other life you were a Spartan woman..Spartans used to say what they wanted to say with very few words (“λακωνικά”), so as to keep only the essence in everything, and give their words their value..
Love and Graditude
Annie
Oh dearest ‘daughter’ Annie, you should .. worry, if I were a .. Spartan ..mother! They were very hard indeed!! They used to say to their sons and husbands sending them to the war: : H τάν ή επί τάς!!;]
And yes : Το λακωνίζειν εστίν φιλοσοφείν!! =It is a philosophers way to speak using very few, exact words .Λακωνικά =lakonika.
LOVE,
Thelma.
I would never make it working in a lawyers office – they would fire me on the spot! (Although I don’t really talk that much. I’m pretty quiet and generally speak only what is necessary. I just make up for that silence when I write.)
On the point you make about patience, though, I do agree. It always annoys me when people get up and leave early from a performance. Perhaps they want to get ahead of the traffic when the crowd makes its exit, but still it makes me wonder why they bothered to come at all.
Love,
Savita
Dear Savita, I do not work in a … lawyer’s office!!! ;] As it happens always, people carry the ‘air’ of their profession in their personal life!;]
Regarding leaving from a performance earlier I think it is disrespect. Because the best time for the artists is the .. applause and ‘bis’… I always like to go and congratulate the artists [not the pop-stars dear/est Paul!!!], because it is a moment that they need a human ‘touch’.
LOVE,
Thelma.
The werewolf got him
Very vivid.
I could feel everything you’ve written. I really respect writers, who can transform words into feeling!
rly? this is cool.
Savita, what did you do to Josh?? why, why?? ;)
Very vivid Savita, Great job!!
Love,
C.
The first paragraph grabs the reader. “We’re gonna run it”
My mind created an Australian farm house or ranch setting and its a dry season.
A Horsefly. Big a** fly. Giggles.
Vivid images dear Savita, in accordance with vivid feelings..
you have a talent of transfering the reader to the scene , like experiencing another world..
thank you
Love and Graditude
Annie
daca azi as fi nevoit sa-mi aleg o ultima dorinta pentru aceasta viata,as alege sa te pot imbratisa,sa te pot privi si apoi sa-ti pot saruta mainile atat de fragede…daca azi as fi nevoit sa decid soarta unui singure fapture din acest univers te-as alege pe tine..ti-as desena un viitor minunat,as presara multe victorii..daca as fi nevoit sa aleg un zambet pentru acest univers,cu siguranta zambetul tau ar fi cel ales…daca as fi sa aleg ultimele cuvinte pentru tine,m-as multumi doar cu doua cuvinte..”te iubesc” pentru ca aceste doua cuvinte ating perfectiunea.sunt singurele cuvinte pe care le aude fericirea…sunt singurele cuvinte care nu ranesc niciodata…daca totusi nu voi avea sansa sa aleg ceva,daca totusi nu voi reusi sa strabat continentul propriilor amagiri,ma voi gandi neincetat la tine…
You have a way of writing that is powerful. In that short story, I was all there, with my mind, my body and my soul. Like Candieb, I read it with intensity, and it makes me want to know the beginning and the end of it. You have talent Savita. Jojo.
Very well written Savita!! Well done!
love
Gabi
Brilliant dear Savita… and I like the idea that the star in the title plays a simple cameo role…;)
Love, Paul
Hello savita,this is really intense and well written.Is it a dream?A past life?Is it just a part and hope you’ll share more.
Have a nice day
Not a dream. More of a “past life.” There is more to the story, and I’ve tried to write the whole of it several times as a short story, but it just never seemed to work. I love Paulo’s limit of 250 words – it really forces me to think about what is essential. I’ve never been very good at being concise, and it is great practice.
Thank you, candieb!
Savita
You’re right,this is a good exercise.I always had the same problem too.Even started at school when I always was “out of subject”,lol.I had the knowledge but couldn’t be concise,because when I write I always let my mind go with the flow.Therefore,I was able to write fiction but never been able to do a good precise redaction in History for example.This is about rules..again,lol.
Thank you for your reply and it is always nice to read you.
Candie
Dear Savita, I agree, Paulo’s Blog has helped me too… to get to the point ;) even faster… You are a great story teller, keep it up… Love, Paul
Thank you, Paul. I really appreciate the compliment.
Savita
Oh wow! Thanks, Paulo. What a nice surprise.
Beautiful pace…tone.