The Triangle

I too am in agreement. Our decisions are ours to make make, especially so in case of betrayal. Our actions our responsibility. Every time we indulges in OUR likes, wishes, dreams or desires we mostly end up hurting one person or the other.

Your husband is your security net here; you used the word safe in relation to him too. Be true to your husband if you truly respect him.

How can one keep another on hold and carry on with their selfish desires. Don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do to you.

If you are hurt by your lover seeing someone else, just spare a thought on how your husband must be feeling.

“why did he feel the need to move on instead of standing by me till I found a way”…answer why would you not stand by your husband when he was making all efforts…

“How can he want to love someone else and still hold on to this?∙”..the answer is same way as you can..

I do apologize if my words hurt you…I too am one who was betrayed …I was making the effort when he carried on just as nothing had happened. Happiness at the cost of consciously hurting someone is not worth it.

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I remember being a very good young man. I was enjoying all my classes, praying, meditating, determined, passionate, intelligent. And I was all planning and getting ready for one of my dreams to come true: to travel to the island of Cuba. It had been my dream since I was 15. I was 20 when i was, like a Divine Grace, given the opportunity to go. The trip itself was out of this world. If anyone knows what it’s like to have a dream come true, this was my 5 year long dream.
I was feeling confident, excited, determined, on a personal mission to save the world. i had my life planned out already. I knew the direction my heart and mind were leading me. My heart, mind, and body, and spirti, and universe were all set on my taking a trip to Cuba.
But before I went, as if of another divine grace, I met a young woman whom i fell tremendously in love with. I fell in love with this girl. or did i? something in my gut told me that i shouldn’t meet this girl. it was her attitude…her almost “i’m in love with myself” attitude that threw me off. so i almost blew it off.
however, i started seeing signs all over the place. the first letter of her name was M while mine was W. she perceived things almost exactly the same way i did. she would claims things that she thought were original of her own thinking, and realized that i had had the same experience. talking to her and listening to her jokes and memories was like talking to myself. all of a sudden there were signs all over the place that led me to her. you know what i mean? like signs within my own home that would remind me of her. it was as if the universe were telling me….willy, this is the girl. the girl that you’ve been waiting to meet. the universe was telling me. the sings were all over the place. still i kept a doubt in my mind.
actually, i personally dedicated my entire thought and heart to her.
what happened was that i had to go on my trip to Cuba. and she told me to keep in touch with her. i automatically took that as the entrance to her heart. and the whole time i was in cuba i dedicated myself to her and would write to her constantly.
weird? in cuba, the signs kept repeating themselves. sing after sign after sign after sign. is this the girl? i thought. this has to be the girl. the universe is telling me it’s her. i can feel it.
what happened was that…while i was in cuba, one of the girl in the group that i was in fell in love with me. and it was so weird because i never expressed any interest in her.
she fell in love with me so hard and i avoided her so hard to the point where i began to see myself in her. but i saw everything i hated about myself in her. and i saw someone that i used to be and i wasn’t anymore in her.
i saw the old me in her. she reminded me of myself so much that i began to fall in love with her. i wanted nothing but to be at her service and heal her. she suffered from a lack of self love and all i wanted to do was just heal her. i wanted to teach her about everything that she lacked. she was all the opposite of me. she was rich, rude, selfish, determined, powerful, she knew what she wanted, impatient, fiery, strong. but at the same time, very insecure, and very dark, and weak. and i perceived all that in her.
and i knew she would perceive all of the same things in me. she was a scorpio. with her powerful eyes she perceived even the smallest details in me that she knew she could pick at. she would tell me things about myself before i could even realize them. i hated everything about her. most of all her ignorance and her selfishness in acting in such ignorance. i swear that i could see her sould and she could see mine.
my mistake lied in that i never sat down with her and talked to her about the things i knew she needed to be talked about.
i completely refused her love in a negative way and so she would fight back with vengeance. she would hit me. i knew that she was hurting and all she needed was a guy to tell her that she was beautiful. but for me to be able to heal her, i would’ve had to love her.
but i loved the girl back at home. whom i kept in touch with through the internet. the universe was telling me that the girl back at home was the one, but at the same time, it presented to me the challenge of healing another one.
were these two girls my soulmates? i saw myself perfectly, according to my intellect, according to my spirit, with each one.
by the time i came back from cuba my soul had been torn apart. i didn’t know who i loved anymore. and thus, i started hating myself for even picking between the two girls. i hated myself. for having made bad decisions.
since then i lost the ability to raed the universe and my life has appeared as something dark and with no light.
i realize that i’ve got to respect myself. i got to love myself again. but neither of the girls knows about the other.
what do i do?

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Five years ago, I had a job interview for the position of Head Gardener at a private golf course. I will never forget that day. I am the kind of person who falls in love easily and often, but when I walked into the office and saw him sitting there my heart stopped. The first year I worked for him I was filled with fire, I had never in my life met someone who could make me so angry. I would have dreams about him all the time, but I could never speak to him unless it was work related and even then it was usually because I was angry with him or disagreed with a decision he had made.

We were both in relationships with other people at the time. I would dream about him every night and couldn’t even look him in the eye during the day. Time passed,and my dreams of him grew in their intensity and one day something happened. All that tention broke, like water breeching a dam, and we became lovers. He told me he didn’t want his “situation” to change that he could never leave “her” and that this was for “fun” and I responded with “whatever you want…”

I left the man I had been living with, while he stayed with her. I never asked him to leave her for me, never declared my undying love to him. When he told me a year later that he loved me, I just smiled and didn’t respond. It was the happiest year of my life thus far, I relished in the freedom of loving this man without possessing him.

A year after our affair had begun he told me that he couldnt do this anymore and that he wanted to be a “good” person, he wanted to be faithful to her. I was devestated and heartbroken and I was PREGNANT with his child and so it happened that I lost my lover, I lost my job, …he gave me several thousand dollars and begged me to leave town…so I lost my home too.

I took his money and took the train with my dog and went 4000 miles away on a journey hoping that the distance would somehow lessen my pain. It didn’t. When I came back I wondered how I could possibly bring a child into this world who was not wanted by his father. I had travelled over 10,000 miles and shed a million more tears but still could not answer any of my questions.

Through all of this we had stayed in touch with each other and when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, I saw him again. Since then we have spoken nearly every day. He went from being a fierce lover to my best friend despite the fact he still can’t bare the thought of anyone knowing that he is my son’s father and begs me to keep it a secret telling me he would die if “she” ever got hurt.

A couple of months ago, he begged me to be his lover “one last time”…well it wasn’t one last time. Here I am today
I am raising our son alone, he’s only ever held him twice…my heart overflows with emotion when I look at my beautiful baby boy who looks just like his father and it breaks when I think off all the secrets that his existance has created.

But I love and I love and I love, and sometimes it’s enough just to love someone without trying to possess them and sometimes it’s not enough and I feel so incredibly alone. He tells me all the time to find someone else and that I should have someone to have a family with who will love me and be faithful.

I tell him that I am very happy and my life is not lacking in love. I love our son, I love my family, I love my friends and my dog, I love my life…but most important of all? I love myself.

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