One week ago I posted a Forum on soulmates and we had over 1.000 comments.
But love has no rules, and sometimes you may fall in love with the same intensity with two different people. Then you are facing something that you didn’t expect and this affects your life. So this week the forum is about the Triangle, falling in love with two people, at the same time with the same intensity. Please share your opinions and experiences here.
Love
Paulo
The Triangle
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I believe that it is absolutley possible to fall in love with two people with the same intensity at the same time. You may fall in love with those people for different reasons, but that does not mean one love is any more or any less intense than the other.
However, I don’t think that loving two people with the same intensity at the same time creates a triangle. If you look at a triangle each point runs to the other, so for a true triangle you would need all three people to love each other.
If the triangle does not exist, then it is like travelling two paths at the same time for the person who is in love with two. For the two it is like being the path waiting for the traveller to return to it or wondering when the traveller will cross over to wander the other path again.
Either can work, but only if love is selfless. The heart must be more powerful than the head and push aside the thoughts, fears, jealousies and notions of possession we so often find when we speak of loving someone.
So really the question is not if it is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time with the same intensity but if it is possible for the two who have been fallen in love with to return that love selflessly, wanting only for the other what makes them happiest.
True love, pure love is selfless and does not set or know any boundaries. If this type of love is present, then anything is possible.
I totally agree. I am in this situation right now, trying to be unselfish and only think of the right thing for all of us. I have always believed my husband is my soulmate. We have a very loving relatinship, ups and downs and difficulties,but people have always noted on our tenderness with each other through all our tragedies we have endured. However, another beautiful soul has come into my life. This person has an incredible sexual attraction for me though, that I never had with my husband. It is confusing. . .I love them both deeply. I have very profound, life changing, loving, caring, relationships with both of them. But, I have a ten year history with my husband. On the other hand, it is so difficult to not want to connect with the man that brings this intense sensuality out of me though. For now I am choosing the first soulmate as he is so sweet and loving and I have vows and committments; I can’t bare to crush him. My new soulmate is also married and has three children. For all of these people, I must ignore these earthly sexual desires and not let them confuse me more. I must let go of my passionate soul mate. . .as painful as this is. . . for the sake of other souls. Maybe, we can meet again in another lifetime?
Je pense qu’est totalement possible d’aimer deux personnes au même temps, et même plus. Si c’est dans la même intensité je ne peux pas dire car l’amour n’a pas de mesures.
Je ne parle pas d’avoir une double vie, ou des relations extra conjugales, mais de l’amour tout simplement… Maria aimais João qui aimais Theresa qui aimais João qui aimais Maria.
Maria a vécu avec João pendant longtemps dans une relation d’amour. Au départ il se croient des âmes sœurs, mais a un moment donnée ils ont aperçu que la relation ne se passais pas bien et pour le bonheur d’eux la meilleur solution était la séparation. Respectueusement, ils se quittent et chacun prendre un autre chemin. João rencontre Theresa et quelques temps après ils se découvrent dans l’amour. Mais João n’aimais pas Thereza ? Oui, mais ils ne peuvent plus vivre ensemble et se faire du bien. Et cet amour est ou ? Il existe, il est là, ils s’aiment mais ils ne vivent plus ensemble, JUSTEMENT parce qu’ils s’aiment.
Mais dans notre société celui la s’appellerait plutôt l’utopie, ou « le divorce des rêves ». A mon avis ça se passe comme ça parce qu’on croit qu’on peut aimer seulement la personne qui est dans notre coté en train de faire des énormes preuves d’amour tous les jours, et qu’on soit tout le temps bien en sécurité de l’exclusivité dans sa vie.
Une autre supposition : Marie a connu João e a vécu avec lui pendant longtemps dans une relation d’amour. Mais malheureusement João est décédée. Apres un bon moment au deuil Maria rencontre Joaquim, et elle réapprendre avec lui l’art d’aimer. Maria aime Joaquim mais et João, elle n’aime plus ? L’amour est toujours la…
Encore une autre supposition : Maria rencontre João , ils sont des âmes sœurs. Mais pour Maria autant que pour João la fidélité n’est pas si importante car ils croient dans la liberté de l’amour. Pour cette raison ils se permettent avoir des relations hors mariage, et ils savent bien qu’en prenant le risque que le partenaire tombe amoureux d’une troisième personne rien ne changerai l’amour entre eux. Même s’il pourra devenir invivable dans la pratique, il y sera toujours dans le cœur.
Il y a plusieurs possibilités d’aimer deux ou plus personnes au même temps. Vaut mieux aimer 4 personnes au même temps que d’avoir de l’haine pour une.
Une semaine d’amour a vous !
Mon amour, mon respect et ma gratitude à toi Maitre et a tout communauté des WOL !
Dieu vous bénisse.
Ca
I think that is totally possible to love two people at the same time, and more. If it is in the same intensity I can not say because love has no measures.
I do not have a double life, or extra marital relations, but simply love … Maria loves João who loves Theresa who loves João who loves Maria.
Maria has lived with João for a long time in a relationship of love. Initially it was believed the soul mates, but any given moment they saw that the relationship does not go well and for the happiness of them the best solution is separation. Respectfully, they leave and each take a different path. João meeting Theresa and shortly after they discover in love. But João loves Maria, not? Yes, but they can no longer live together and do good. And this is love or? It exists, it is there, they love but they no longer live together, just because they love each other.
But in our society rather than the called utopia, or “Divorce Dreams.” I think it happens like that because we believe we can only love the person who is in our side doing the enormous evidence of love every day, and that is all the time well security of exclusivity in his life.
Another assumption: Mary known João and lived with him for a long time in a relationship of love. But unfortunately João died. After a long time she meets Joaquim , and she with him relearn the art of loving. Maria loves Joaquim and João but it does more? Love is always …
Yet another assumption: Maria meeting João, they are kindred spirits. But for as much as for Maria ans Joãofidelity is not so important because they believe in the freedom of love. For this reason they can have relations outside marriage, and they know that taking the risk that the partner falls in love with a third person does not change the love between them. Although it can become unbearable in practice, there will always be in the heart.
There are several ways to love two or more people at the same time. 4 is better to love people at the same time to have some hatred for one.
A week of love to you!
My love, my respect and gratitude to all community WOL and to you Master!
God bless you all.
Ca
This brings me to an idea:…
Hi Paolo. My name is Sarah from Trinidad and Tobago.
It’s definitely no coincidence that the topic of the triangle is being discussed since this issue is currently directly reflected in my life. I fell in love with someone 3 yrs ago. Two years after, I fell in love with another man even though I was not looking for anyone. It was completely unexpected and I had the same telepathic connections with both men. For instance, with both men I am able at times to awake them out of their sleep and I can feel both their energies inside me in different points of my body.
Having fallen in love with the second man, I kept questioning my God asking “why is this happening to me?” I decided to let each energy flow through me and let it take its course so that time can sort this triangle of mine out. I believe in soul mates and I know assuredly that these two men are my soul mates. According to the theory of soul mates, they exist to make our experience of life more full with the knowledge and experiences they bring into our lives. I have found this to be so true and so far both men have contributed invaluably to my spiritual growth. I do not know what the future holds for me with either men, but all I know is that I am taking my time with life and love.
I want love to sink in and revolutionize my life. Time will take care of the rest!
First,I want to say that I am flattered to write here and very thankfull.
The theme is so interesting and somebody would say-that everything about LOVE is allredy wrote.But is it?
Somehow,I belive that everybody was born with a certain level of SPIRITUAL VISDOM.
Small number of those people understand LOVE as a UNCONDITIONAL GIVING.
It is when you give all your love,affection,care….to another person,truly,and not expecting anything back.The GIVING is enough to make you fulfilled, by itself.
When two people the-same-kind meet,they are a SOULMATES.
THESE CONNECTIONS ARE SO,VERY RARE,THAT THEY HARDLY EXIST.
BUT THEY EXIST!
So,in that context,I wouldnt mention LOVE,SOULMATES and UNCONDITIONAL GIVING so often, because I am affrad of doing some harm to the point.
Othervise,all the rest of the people,have ILLUSIONS OF LOVE of their own.That is why they give ,to be given,or love somebody for some purpose.This is not LOVE!There is no purpose for loving somebody!
Than man/woman start changing partners,including the famous third person…ETC.This is an endless chase in which all can only be loosers.
I do not think that is possible to love two persons in the same time, with the same intensity, because most of the people are born,unfortunatly,unable to love at all.
They pass-through their lifes,thinking that have so much love together,but it is only respect,frendly arm and cosy things they do to each other.It is OK,and recomended for sucsessfull relationship,good marriage,growing children….But,it is not love.
At the and,I want to say,love triangles are just generators of problems in life.It is endless chase with no winners,and after all… it is a sinn.
REGARDS,
WITH ALL THE BEST WISHES,
PAULO COELHO
A sin?? loving more than one person is a sin? who have you been talking to?? lol
Wow,I truly believe that my heart could not handle loving two people at the same time with the same intensity, so I am fortunate that that has not happened to me. I have always had something in me that wanted to just deal with one man at a time or many times I have chosen to stay alone for long periods of time. I have someone in my life now that I know is my soulmate and at this point in my life I don’t worry about coming across someone else who could draw my attention away from him, because I feel he is so unique in every way and he makes me feel a way nobody has ever been able to make me feel. I love him dearly and wouldn’t jeopardize our love for anything; and we have passed through so many stages together that there is a comfort and understanding between us that we just know…we just know…..soulmates.
Lots of Love to you Paulo Coelho,
aliza
Dear all,
**********************************************
Triangle or rectangle love
**********************************************
Triangle or rectangle, love has same angels,
Black or white, love is bright eternal light,
Sundays or fun days, every day love remains the same,
Past or future, love is in present and now is joyful wonder,
Heaven or hell, love is everywhere understand you idiot,
Intensity or curiosity, love is simplest beauty,
Boundaries or religion,
love is above everything and beyond any reasons,
Souls alike has same passion and devotion,
Man thinks sex with different faces,
A woman thinks sharing of emotions, among races,
Pleasure is what comes out from passion and sensation,
Nothing can last longer without romance in action,
Moving along the river, singing nursery rhymes which says,
Twinkle twinkle little starts; all I have is what you are….
One, two or three, I love you with same intensity,
A man can disguise two women in love,
Will be caught easily,
A woman can disguise more than two men in love,
Will never be caught easily,
But see, Triangle or rectangle, love has same angels,
Black or white, love is bright eternal light,
Love, love and only love,
World move on in love, for love and in search of love,
Manly love can change but womanly love is vain
Triangle or rectangle, love has same angels,
Black or white, love is bright eternal light,
************************************************
God bless you all !
Sheela,
Thank you so much for warm welcome and nice text, it feels really pleasant to heart that there are so many readers who like the work.
Well, you are right, we live in free world and Paulo’s blog is free world.
I hope you will recover from your sickness soon. Sending you warm wishes and good luck for your health.
God blesses you !
and
God bless you all !
Hi Santosh K
Good to see you are back, working hard on geometry I see.
Keep it up.
:) love
Marie-Ch
Большое спасибо за информацию.
Eu acredito que não se pode amar alguém na mesma intensidade, amores são diferentes, assim como pessoas. O amor que eu sinto por alguém é baseado em coisas diferentes do amor que eu sinto por outro alguém… Por isso são diferentes, inclusive em sua intensidade, pois não são comparáveis…
Eu já amei várias pessoas ao mesmo tempo… Não caracterizando um triângulo amoroso, pq 100% das vezes foi platônico… Queria todos, mas acho que se tivesse todos não amaria nenhum… Retiro o que disse… me apaixonei por várias pessoas ao mesmo tempo!
Muitas das vezes minhas paixões são como a de Don Juan, depois que está conquistado, perde-se a graça… Talvez por isso prefiro o platônico… Confesso que já estive em triangulações de paixão, onde o que vale mais é o jogo, a sedução, o calor sexual que o amor… Amor é sublime… paixão é loucura…
Enhorabuena pero solo a los de siempre que dialogan entre ellos, Sr. Coelho si este lugar se supone es para dialogar entre sus lectores yo nunca tuve esa suerte y tampoco contestó a alguna de mis preguntas, enfin, enhorabuena a los cuatro que dialogan entre sí, deben encontrarse como en su casa yo por desgracia no me siento así.
Saludo para todos.
A usted: Señor no soy digno de que entres en mi casa pero una palabra tuya bastara para sanarme. san Mateo 8, 5-17
Hasta siempre!
A married man has 3 kids with his wife. No sexuality with his wife sinde 3 or 4 years. But Eros is a matter in his life. So, he is all by himself, exploring. One day he meets a woman who he’s attracted by. Not only physically. They share some imporant interests and the longing to touch eachother. Would you say: Oh, he just wants sex? Or is it possible that Soul love has different faces? With one person you might be having a deep friendship, a relations based on reliability in day to day life. With somebody else you might share a phyiscal acceptance, a touch of souls in the physical body. Maybe, this second one is at that very moment exactly what one needs, this feeling of being physically accepted 100%. And giving this acceptance back to another soul in a physical body.
To me all this goes beyond fidelity and all this. From Souls point of view there is only one Love. And it is always doing all the best to help an individual find it’s way back to god and to the greates loves of all.
This is my point of view and experience.
Dear Sonia,
If I were speaking to this guy, I would say: If you were not happy in your relationship with your wife, why didn’t you do something to fix it a long time ago? And if it couldn’t be fixed, why didn’t you leave?
And, at least in my opinion, the children are not a valid excuse – the are just the excuse most often used. As a human being, I would hate to think that I was an “excuse” for someone else’s misery. When the parents are not happy together, the children always sense this, and ignoring it or refusing to do something about it is not doing a favor to the children. It is just teaching them how to be miserable too.
So, I wouldn’t fault this man for falling in love with this new woman – love enters where it will, and seldom knocking first. But, I would certainly call his past actions (or rather his inaction) into question, and require that he answer for that. I can respect someone who makes a heart-felt decision, even an unpopular one, but it is hard for me to accept when someone uses other people as an “excuse” for their actions or inaction.
This man was not happy, but the children gave him the excuse he needed NOT to take action. But now things have changed – he has a new excuse. Now he can say to his wife: “I’m leaving,” but not because “I’m dissatisfied,” but because “there is this other woman.” The other woman becomes his excuse – his way out.
I’m probably being too harsh here and WAY too judgmental, but the situation which you describe is a common one, and these are the thoughts which frequently run through my mind when I hear of such situations.
Whatever happens, wishing you the very best!
Much Love,
Savita
Welcome back*
Yes, we have enough room in our heart to love many people, but to love two people with the same intensity at the same time maybe difficult to answer honestly. As our emotions have no meter to check on and as they lead into each other and at times collide with each other makes knowing the truth impossible to me. Love comes in many forms and love comes for many reasons. Attraction and thinking we love is another thing alltogether…
Dear all,
***************************
I am back
***************************
I am back with consciousness; I am back with flesh, blood, pain and sadness,
I am back with emotions attached, I am back to learn myself for wonders,
I am back touching my soul with words, thinking only you my next soul,
I am back
Love, hate, black and white,
I am back with stories of our souls alike,
I am back to hear your pain, to touch your lips, to understand your pain,
I am back to feel the breeze with smooth music,
I am back to kiss you in rainy and gloomy days,
With soul touching your soul and mating of birds in cold,
I am back to heal your pain,
I will teach you, I will suffer for you,
I will take your pain; I will come along with you in nights and days,
Wherever, whenever, however and whatsoever,
I am back to make my soul jump over and over,
World runs on duality,
No two women generally accepts me,
But I am back to remain on top of every soul, every creation,
Your soul is my soul and my soul is yours,
I am back to see how similar our souls are,
I am back
Temporary it is, temporary it was,
Some run for money, some for fame, just understand, Mr. Brain rules them all,
But I am back,
To remind you, to teach you, to accept you as you are,
To tell you a simple fact that,
I am you and you are in me, one, two or many….
*****************************************************
God bless you all !
WELCOME BACK!!!
Love,
Savita
Glad to see you back in this blog!!! :)
Savita,
Thanks a lot ! ;)
God blesses you !
and
God bless you all !
Neela,
I was on my holidays to Himalaya but now I am back to “Internet world”…..Thank you so much !
God blesses you too !
and
God bless you all !
Dear Luminita,
Thank you so much…
Hope to get back with the magic of words again and again…
God blesses you !
and
God bless you all !
Hi Santosh!
splendid!!!
God bless you
i want to ask something about love triangle.
this is kind of different topic but i am just curious.
maybe, loving a person and getting married with someone should not be discussed at the same time. (meaning two are uniquely different topics.) but let’s say polygamy is normal, would you get married with two people if you are in love with two person (soulmates, if you will)?
here is my answer/opinion.
i cannot love two people at the same time. i hope he is the same. but if he does, i would be hurt so much that i would leave him, hoping to find someone like him again.
thanks for reading.
love
I LOVE YOU
Love!!!
Yes I love deeply I am in my later years, I love someone that I did not meet yet ,someone that feel my hours with hope , tenderness and wish to please him and take care of him until the end.
We found each other on the net.. We will be together soon in a idilic Island for two weeks. He will like me ? I know for sure I will like him ,I will be happy forever with those days in my life if we never be together again. I am not young I am 71 years old, but this man gave me again the pleasure to live. He is older than me, please do not think bad of a woman alone that love life and want to be happy.. One is enough on our life forever..
Shall
Will
Shall
Will
Shall
Will
Shall
Will
You are beautiful
So… just what is this thing we call ‘being in love’? a reflection in the mirror of anothers soul? the need of the ego for acceptance? the loss of boundaries? exceptional growth in relationship? fidelity…to oneself or another? These things can be explored with another…very complicatred to try it with two!…I think…
Larry you are right, when someone is in love, their entire existence rests in the beloved. The mind, the thoughts, the breaths, all are driven by and directed towards the beloved. This state of complete abandon and conquest is aimed at and originated from one point, one person.
I am not saying it is not possible to love more than one person at a time, far from it, but rather, that being and falling in love usually occurs one on one.
Soul mates, soul groups, soul mirror if we are lucky. It’s possible to offer unconditional love. This is how families and friends come to be, how unions last. Do you want obligation, or the freedom to be, and to love. Unconditional means freedom for everyone.
Two happy lovers
embraced by
Holy Flower-power*
The perfect Triangle
between humankind & God
i think it is possible to love 2 persons with the same intensity at the same time. although, you might love them for very different reason. one can be the love you’ve fought for. and the other one being the love that came to you without your full consciousness that that love has been growing on you.
in my opinion, your soulmate isn’t always your destined partner. maybe, your soulmate can be the bestest bestfriend that you’d be very happy to be with for the rest of your life BUT just that, to be with that person, doesn’t exactly mean that he/she is your life partner.
The love between three people on this earth, I think if it is valid in that it is possible
Sometimes we love our partner, just for that person to be with us at all times, supporting our goals and find everything you need cumpliendocon. everything is pretty sweet and you can want.
but then we can find a person who gives you the passion that you need is probably the direct object of the couple who already had everything carnal is probably more than the sweet and also come to love that person, and there comes a time when you would consolidate the personality, feeling, and all physical and psychological characteristics of these two people. Recall that any wife on this earth if we want, even to love two people at once
Maybe you are trying to find ideas for ur new book, I don know. It is possible to love two different people with the same intensity, but only if you allow it. But is there enough time in this world to love two people intensely? Our time on this earth is already very short, and to build that love with intensity requires a lot of time and commitment. I guess it would depend on how committed you are and what you are hoping to get out of the relationship. If you want to build a family with this person, then all ur love and all ur energy will be spent on making that work, but if you intent to have a fleeting marriageless romance, then I guess you would have the capacity to love, 2, or more people at the same time. But then, dating needs time too and a good date is normally the one that builds love. Time is your greatest enemy, Paulo.
So many people have talked about loving more than one partners.Saying that love isn’t about possession and that love can’t be hold in a box ect..that’s right to love your friends,family,children,people that you care about.But when it comes to a relationship between 2 persons,between life partners,the only triangle I see is these two and God above.
2 becoming one,become three with the child they will have or more children.Someone said something like 1+1=1,that’s perfectly right.
And if we are in a triangle,then we need to make a choice.that’s all,it’s painful,it won’t be easy but this is how it’s got to be.Nothing is easy anyway,life isn’t easy.But when the choice is made,2 can become 1,but no way that I share.I share my money,share my stuff but I won’t share a love partner.No way!For me the decision is already taken.It has been taken the moment I was born!And a person reminded me of it years ago!
“you”+”me”=”we”
“you”+”me”+”he”or “she”=dust
“you”+”me”=Light
“you”+”me”=Love
“You”+”me”=Sacred
L+A=A :)
Is is necessary to fall in love with a soulmate? Can you become just good friends? Could he be some ordinary person on the street?
Does the universe ultimately allow one to meet his soulmate? Or does anybody ever pass away from this world without getting the chance to meet his soulmate?
What if you met your soulmate? Does he stay forever? Does he ever walk away?
I found this blog and particularly, this forum discussion, at a very good time.
I have been in a love triangle, more than once. After many years together, my spouse and I tried to open the marriage to more sexual experimentation and it failed miserably. It’s complicated of course but the end of the story is that I involved my BF thinking she was “safe” when in fact it was not a good decision. I broke it off with her due to dishonesty; she was having conversations with my husband that he would tell me about but she did not. If everything was open, why not tell me? I cut it off, she began a new relationship with a man whom she later married. A very difficult time in my marriage followed and about one year ago, at the breakup of my marriage, in one painful blow he told me he’d kept in contact with her all of that time behind my back. There was no physical involvement, and not even love as he says, it was 1)someone who had been involved with me intimately knew what he was experiencing and 2) ultimately, a way of getting back at me somehow. It was still devastating. Emotional betrayal is still betrayal. We separated for 7 months and eventually got back together in late October of last year. We are 9 months into trying to rebuild our marriage, but my heart is still holding out on him for fear. I am an amateur astrologer, with Neptune on top of my Sun in the 7th house of marriage–which equates to elusive/illusive boundaries and realities in one-to-one relationships. It also rules deception. Something I have finally come to realize–and Neptune is *the* spiritual planet–is that this world is all illusion. All the fear the pain, your relationships, it is all transitory. Just because someone married you 2, 5, 15, 30 years ago and committed to you, and thought you were the love of their life (and vice versa) does not mean the same is true today. My husband is here today, but he could change his mind, or fall in love, and be gone tomorrow. I have finally “woken up” to the ILLUSION of commitment and permanence that we all call marriage and commitment. People are with you if they want to be, and that’s about it. No piece of paper will keep them. Everything is fluid; everything changes, everything dies. It is the nature of life.
In some ways… this awareness has allowed me to love more freely and happily at times because I appreciate the fleetingness of it all. I have a fuller appreciation for what I have. At other times, when I am more negative, I am holding back on investing myself too much in the relationship with my DH, because I know that it is fleeting! It’s very confusing, and I have reached the conclusion that I am meant to live with this duality until such time things become clearer. That takes time.
My other love triangle began when DH and I split up (or quad, if you include my soon to be ex at the time). I had recently met a man online whom I had gotten to know, and an intimate relationship began when I knew DH was moving out. I was upfront with my husband about it. I figured I was free to move on since DH said he didn’t love me and was moving out and divorcing me. It was an “online affair.” This man was married, too, however, and at the time, was also ready to leave the marriage. Over a very short time, about 6 weeks, we were as close as two people across the country from one another could be, looking for ways to see each other. I cannot explain the connection to this man, as many many others have mentioned. He is definitely one of my soul mates. He is very different from my husband in some ways–very empathic, intuitive, sensitive and loving. It is a very unique connection in many ways that I can’t/won’t get into here, but we would definitely have been together had we met years ago, before marriage. What is also remarkable is that my husband was offered a job a few years back, before all this happened, that would have had me living only about an hour away from him! (hindsight is 20/20). But after a very short while, about 6 weeks, the “triangle” with his wife was too much, and he decided to stay. Our emotional connection did not stop though and it was painful for both of us, even though we both chose to stay with the marriages. We have been in contact sporadically, in and out every several months. I think about him all the time and I know he thinks about me. It’s been very hard to break the connection and the feelings. It’s almost surreal–from another world, another life, another planet. I had a premonition at a funeral last month about him, and told him about it. Two weeks later, he was in a terrible car accident that totaled both cars and could have killed him. We barely even speak and yet I am still connected to him strongly, as if through the ether. I don’t know what will happen eventually. I like to think maybe one day when our kids are all grown and we have more freedom, we will connect again. I don’t really know. Maybe it will be never. For now, I am still muddling through all these confusing realities and trying to maintain the integrity of my heart.
I do think it’s possible to love two people at the same time, and even with the similar strength, but for different reasons. I believe in soul mates, more than one, and that not all of them turn out positively (for instance, my ex best friend I still believe was meant for me to experience and learn from though it eventually died). I think you can love, and not be “in love.” I love my husband and am committed to my position in the relationship, and right now, I’m living on hope that I will fall back in love with him. I’m not sure it will happen. Sometimes I get a glimpse but they are far and few between compared to the pain.
I don’t have any answers, but I have found a lot of consolation and good advice from all the feedback on this issue. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.
That made me smile. I think its easy to forget from time to time about “the other person” (or in this topic more than one) as a whole mental being involved in the love you feel and live. When we love we deal with other humans and they are as complex inside as we are ourselves. They always will be themselves even if they decide to be our lovers. There will always be something we dont know about them, and they dont know about us and thats good. Thats why it is impossible to control love, there is nothing else but to accept that. You take what you are given and try to give what you wish to receive. I believe with time this will be one of the finally truly beautiful lessons of life, at least for me.
i love your atory. you are a atrong woman
Love grows when we share it!!!
I have no doubt that one person can love two or more at the same time, the stories of this are many and varied. However I can’t help but feel that such a relationship may be selfish and exploitary in some degree. It would be a rare group that would be able to sustain such an arrangement, where all are fully aware and content, and the human condition will likely destine it to eventual failure.
Although I have never been placed in this situation, if i were I feel it would be a terrible warning that I have stopped paying attention. It would cause me to take stock and reflect between transition and permanence, and what my heart and soul have been asking the universe for.
About loving you and you
Of course you can fall in love with more than one person at the same time. It’s a sign that you are missing something in the relationship you still have and that you didn’t manage to find a solution to your problems.
Is it possible that one person gives us all we are longing for? Perhaps if we are together with our soulmate – but who really is that lucky? So literature, movies, music, art and real life is full with such stories of loving more than one person at the same time.
If you really love someone, it means that you are not egoistic at all. You feel responsible for this person: You don’t want him/her to suffer. You don’t do things that separate you, you don’t lie, you don’t betray, you keep promises you might have given. You want this person to be happy. But loving a third person often is in contradiction to this.
The question is how to deal with the fact that we have fallen in love with more than one person, or that our partner did!?
The rules for a triangle have always to be fixed by those who are involved, beside this there are no rules. But normally it causes a lot of problems such as pangs of conscience, disappointment, deception, jealousy, inferiority feelings, lies, the feeling to be cheated and other sufferings that are the beginning of the end for relations. That’s why sooner or later the most of those relations are condemned to fail, because one or two of the involved can not endure it and leave.
So if we fall in love when we still are in love with someone else there is always the risk to loose one or both of our loves.
How far will you go? Do you choose desire and instinct, excitement and attraction of a new love or do you prefer to stay with your first love? Do you prefer the risk or security?
It’s a choice of free will.
Hi Paulo..
In your previous forum, I wrote about me and my soulmate..
I wrote about the idea that one has one and only one soulmate
However, this time i want to share you part of my story i didnt talk about last time..
I have been meeting one now for over a year..it was just pure friendship that between us..but recently i started to feel something more towards him..more than a friend and a brother..
It was confusing..I was toren between my real love and this new invader..I couldnt figure it out..couldnt know what i was feeling
Being in love with two in the same time..is killing..
But after sitting with my self and discussing it with my Dr. I knew that what I felt wasnt realy love as much as it was a way of escape of the pressure of the loss of my real love..a reminder of him..a way to fill the space he left after his departure..
Whatever I tried the space he occupied cant be taken again..cant be occupied by another..at least not as much as he has did..
Yeah I confess that I have feelings towards this new person..but they cant come up to that level..and they cant come true..never..
My heart will remain wander around my first love..
Again..it is only one soulmate..
With best wishes..
Rema
P.S This is my previous post on Soulmate
((Hi Paulo !!
Nice discussion..
5 years ago I met my wonderful soulmate..we have been engaged for 3 years when i was turning into my 19 years..He died after 3 years of our engagment when i was turning 21. It has been a shock and a painful loss
He was everything in my life,,,it was wonderful to have such a person in my life..he changed my life completely, i became happier and more optimisitc. we planned everyhing ..we even chose the name of our future kids. I never knew a moment of sad with him..he was everything in my life
After his death, he has taken my soul with him..It has been now over 2 years and i can’t forget him or think about anyone else but him..Each time i hear of a weeding i cry so much..each time i see a couple i remember him..
Many propose to me..and each time i try to move forward and try to be happy and forget that..i just couldn’t..
knowing him for that 3 years and living the great of him, makes me compare between him and anyone propose to me..I see in every man his smile, his joke..the way he used to tease me ..
he was my soulmate and i beileve that a person got this soulmate once in her life whatever she ignores this fact..the heart will be always incline to ONLY one..
with his death im a mate with no soul..but a heart with a wonderful, though painful, memory ))
I met the one I know was my soulmate just before my 25th birthday. I had just left another relationship about 9 months previously and here came this man who could not have been more different than myself and yet our hearts were so much alike. We communicated in a way that I had never experienced before. I learned from him and he learned from me about aspects of life and love that caused each of us to grow into new and different people both mentally, physically and spiritually. We had our differences and yet we were bound together by a friendship that could not be broken. Even when his “demons” took us apart, we found our way back to each other and found a way to make our marriage work for 18 years. We raised three daughters and even though our marriage eventually had to end in order for him to have to opportunity to finally “slay his demons”, we remained bound as friends and as parents to our daughters.
For 25 years of my life, I never ceased to love this man and I probably never will. There will never be another who will touch my soul the way that he did. He passed on almost 2 years ago and I still grieve the physical loss of his presence but still feel him present in so many ways with me because he IS part of my soul. I have dated a few men since his death and I am moving forward with my life. Those experiences have proven to me that I can have feelings for other men even though I still have love for my soulmate who is no longer here.
I am a hopeful romantic and I hope that I will find someone to share the rest of my life with but I truly doubt that any could ever match the connection that I had with my dearest friend and soulmate of my lifetime.
when i was a teen i met a man,i loved him at the first time,but i did and i told nothing,because i think,love needs time and not only my desire,and if there is a time for this love,there will be.some years later this time arrived and i was 21.i loved this man with passion,but he died by accident 3 months later.six years later,i had my son,this means that i loved again and i did many times and i do.how this is possible,so i said often to myself,does it mean that i forgot him or i will?this simple question was an answer,he’s still there,in my heart.i like this idea of “soulmate”but i don’t know,if there is one or more,i don’t listen to this:but if..i hear,there was,there is.and i’m sure of his love,he’ve never wanted to make me unhappy for the rest of my life.
I wish I had the energy to elaborate upon this. But, suffice to say, the love triangle is a very painful thing. So is a love quad.
I had a relationship for about two years. My boyfriend had many qualities for which i loved him so much. But he wasn’t the perfect guy for me. So i found a guy that it is an oposite of his character, and i started to find another kind of pasione with a guy. My two-years boyfriend became an ex-boyfriend because i changed towards him. He decided to break up, even he is suffering. Now i realise how much i loved him. But i don’t regrett that i cheated him. because i looked for something that i din’t had. Is that wrong? pls answer me!
I have often been confused by my seeming love for various men throughout my lifetime. Through my astrologer and spiritual practice I have come to accept that I have loved many and some at the same time. However, each love had various purposes in my life – some to teach me lessons, some were from past lives and we met simply to say goodbye, others were soulmates. I believe we have many soulmates but not all are to be our one and only true love. Our capacity to love is so great – is it meant for only one? My astrologer says I am a person who should have multiple men – one as a great companion, one for great sex, etc. It is my fantasy to find all in just one and through my thoughts I believe I can create that reality!
triangles have very sharp angles which can easily kill someone. But as u said “love has no rules”. i only disagree with the statement that one can love two people with the same intesnsity. i still think that there will be a difference. it’s impossible. probably my imagination is not rich enough to imagine it. still u can like 2 people with the same intensity but not love.
Nothing in this life is impossible – especially where love is involved!!
It is Romanian.
What is life? know where that is true legend of our own?
http://adikady.forumgratuit.ro/forum.htm
http://adikady2009.blogspot.com
dear paulo,
This is a strange world. We try and make sense of it by trying to arrange it. Rules of society and morality and of much of the like. But the truth is, that we’ll never really be able to do that. And more so control love.Its not possible and that makes life beautiful. Its possible to love two people differently but at the same time. I did so myself. Well the only thing was that i didn’t pursue both. Thats when these senses or rules come in. But yes.. I obsessed about two men equally. One happeneed to be my age and similar in a lot of ways .. and another.. much much older. I liked his take on life and how boyish he became unknowingly. I liked the contrast and i loved different qualities. However it wasn’t fair to the former for i was in a relationship with him.
but yes.. i will definitely say.. that there’s no point trying to drag youself away from it because it doesn’t happen. I tried. But i couldn’t help but like him.
Hi Paulo,
I wanted to ask you. Just before you posted this blog, I wrote a short story, Unexpected Incognito. The story’s plot is based on changing my shirt from white to black color. I am wondering if you saw my poem before you changed your shirt to white. I wouldn’t think so, which leaves me to think that it is a coincidence, a synchronicity between us. I am just a bit surprised, but similar coincidences have happened to me a lot, concerning you. So I was just very curious.
love
C.
It was a coincidence
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7e/Schéma_synchronicité.svg
Jung’s “acausal connecting principle”
hi all,i’ve never considered “the triangle” before,then i thought,geometry is not against the law!!
so what does your law says billo?
Hello Paulo and everybody,
I went through this experience last year but I would not say that I loved both girls with the same intensity at the same time. I doubt a little whether it is really possible. However, I found myself in this situation because my girlfriend was abroad and we had a little crisis in our relationship. For a month I could cope with two relationships at the same time but later on it started to drive me nuts, especially at the point when I felt I had to decide for one of them. It was not easy at all. Sometimes I felt I was fighting against my destiny. Eventually, I stayed with my long term partner with whom I am still happy. Yet, from time to time I was wondering how it would have been if I went with the other one, but that is something I will never know. Maybe I would be single now….
I’m in love with two men for almost seven years now. I do love them with the same intensitiy. They both touch my soul so deeply and only both of them make me complete. But the price I pay is high. Because society call it deceit this love has to live in the dark.
Paolo and Everyone Else,
I think it is like this:
Love is a door. Many doors, in fact. Each representing someone we know and recognize as a soulmate and someone we could love intimately. You may be able to stand partially within many of them, but you cannot walk through two doors at once.
Love has no limits or flaws, but humans do.
However, things do have a tendency to change.
Regards,
-Nick
I have come to a point where I am now leaving the triangle. I was with a man for five years and we shared a home for two. He was my everything. Having come from a traditional mexican background I wanted us to marry. It was the cause for many of our fights and ultimately my decision to leave and come back home. It hurt us so much but we continued the relationship. I never saw it going anywhere so I decided to put an end to it in hopes that I would someday have my wish come true. I was full with pride and refused to return to him but I still wanted to hurt him. While at work I had already caught the eye of a younger one. He was charming, confident, attentive, and well there was just something there that I wanted to get to know. He drove me crazy with all the flirting and attention he would give me. He knew what he was dealing with, someone who was already taken. But he played his games and knew what he was doing untill I left my man! I left the one I loved to be with this younger immature lover. I fell in love with him. It was different. He was some of the things my former lover wasn’t. All the while I still thought of the former. I missed him, our history, our love. I was stuck. It was constantly up and down after that. Break-ups and make-ups because he knew he was a rebound and I wasn’t over my love. I was always in deep thought, constantly thinking of a way to return to my love but was afraid to hurt this young man. Time passed and the problems were still there but I stayed with him in hopes that he would mature and become the man I have always deserved and now I am pregnant. I had the talk with my love today and gave him the news. After long thought I decided to keep the baby and deal with what God has put before me and let my Love go. We held eachother and cried. I still Love him
amazing !
yes duty above all else, specially towards the young and innocent.
u have decided to bring that child home, he is not comming uninvited, make a little space for him/her in your being.
and remember love is not always about what we want, sometimes it is about sacrifice !
love
aditya
For me falling deeply in love with only one person is somehow a gateway to undestand God’s presence. Of course you can love many people, animals and things, but I can commit to only one person. If I completely commit to him/her, like I commit to God/love, I can taste the flavour of eternal being. That is why I don’t quite undestand how I could split that commitment. I can only unite it with the unknown.
And of course love is free and I can’t possess it, I can only choose it. Maybe the love chooses then me? :)
yes maria thaat’s the way !
but remember on this path there can be as many paths as are the travellers.
love
aditya
Being in love with two different people and with same intensity is a tough thing ,but even if i consider it to be existant , then i would say man is always a multitasking machine then why cannot he or she be in love with two different people showing him or her probably different aspects of life, humans are quite matured to accept this aren’t they?? It is about being happy whatever way you can so this idea is also quite valid..but i doubt that the intensity would not remain same….
this never happened to me,even if sometimes i wonder this question,if i met them at the same time ect…if there was not,that should mean i’m unable to feel this intensity at the same time,well i cross my fingers! to fall in love is a special state of love,and i mistrust of this special state.
I’ve been in a triangle before! It’s fantastic, I’ve actually been in it more than once, because this is not considered out of the norm from how i was raised. Girls, you should try it, although not every man is capable of accepting this kind of relationship.
It worked out really well, the guys were totally different from one another and that was what was so wonderful. One was tender and emotional and he would fulfill me emotionally, my emotional needs, which is very important in a relationship, but not all guys are capable of this. And the other, he was not emotional at all, quite the opposite, he was more on the wild side, and he satisfied my wildness. I was a happy woman.
When one was not available, the other one was and vice versa, so I always had someone when I needed them. And I loved them both.
It’s absolutely great!
three cheers !
love
aditya
Yes!!
Three cheers indeed :-)
love
Kate
Dear Paulo,
I’ve always thought that love is a connection and a symbol of affection to one person, until recently, when I discovered that love cannot be contained and it’s a feeling that’s best when it’s free.
I found two people that provided me different things; one, stability and a future, and the other, comfort and lots of room for expression. They both make me feel wonderful and complete, but I know that life doesn’t work out like that.
I will always be thankful that I’ve been blessed with love in this life. Love comes to those who’ve opened their hearts to the many joys of life.
Thank you for all that you’ve done. My life changed after reading The Zahir. You’ve been an inspiration.
Exactly!!! To say that it is possible to feel and experience true love for only one person does not do justice to love. Allow it to be free and to grow as it will…
Hi! Friends
before we can understand what is Ok with respect to love triangles we need to better comprehend what is love. As savita, Jojo and others too have pointed out ‘defining’ love is impossible, so let’s look at what love is by seeing the effect when love is not. In words of LAO TSE
Duty without LOVE creates annoyance.
Truth without LOVE creates criticism.
Worthiness without LOVE creates arrogance.
Education without LOVE creates contradiction.
Cleverness without LOVE creates caginess.
Responsibility without LOVE creates inconsiderateness.
Justice without LOVE creates hardness.
Politeness without LOVE creates hypocrisy.
Order without LOVE creates pettiness.
Knowledge without LOVE creates dogmatism.
Power without LOVE creates violence.
Honour without LOVE creates pride.
Possession without LOVE creates acquisitiveness
Faith without LOVE creates fanaticism.
– Laotse The se are absolute gems because in a relationship betwenn two humans all this gets involved, u have faith in your lover(s), u sort of ‘possess’ u’r lover, honour gets involved, power and the rest, the moment more than one human being come togather, all these come into play. love transforms all into something altrusistic, something divine.
I will request friends to try and add to this list by lao Tse, maintaining the same simple, one line format. let me add something on my own, i have faced many disciplinary actions in life, and am presently in the process of installing some discipline ( oh ! god how heart wrenching this task is ) in my 8yrs old son who ( my wife says ) i have almost totally spoilt by my indulgence, so i will write about discipline
Discipline without love creates revolt.
love
aditya
Thanks Aditya. I very much like these words of Laotse. And for you kid, installing discipline is well teaching notions of respect for him and the other, love for him and the other, limits for him and the other, and when as parent we act in the name of love and respect for our childs’ soul, it is not as much heart wrenching. Telling my child that I made a mistake, that because I wanted this and acted like that and recognizing what it impacted and then putting on grounds new limits, telling the true purpose, love for him and love for you and the group, well, that is security and a gift of love. And yes putting on new grounds, or I might say, evolutive grounds, with love, is peace, liberty and creativity. Wish you well Aditya. Jojo.
Love without discipline can create a monster!
I have a burning desire inside of me this week to see him which torment my heart,I once promised myself never again live in that kind of hopeless love,now its four months that I havent seen him,lots of thoughts going in my mind this week.
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