One week ago I posted a Forum on soulmates and we had over 1.000 comments.
But love has no rules, and sometimes you may fall in love with the same intensity with two different people. Then you are facing something that you didn’t expect and this affects your life. So this week the forum is about the Triangle, falling in love with two people, at the same time with the same intensity. Please share your opinions and experiences here.
Love
Paulo
The Triangle
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god is love
one: love
TOUCH THE AIR SOFTLY
by William Jay Smith
Now touch the air softly, step gently, one, two …
I’ll love you ’til roses are robin’s egg blue;
I’ll love you ’til gravel is eaten for bread,
And lemons are orange, and lavender’s red.
Now touch the air softly, swing gently the broom.
I’ll love you ’til windows are all of a room;
And the table is laid, And the table is bare,
And the ceiling reposes on bottomless air.
I’ll love you ’til heaven rips the stars from his coat,
And the moon rows away in a glass-bottomed boat;
And Orion steps down like a river below,
And earth is ablaze, and oceans aglow.
So touch the air softly, and swing the broom high.
We will dust the grey mountains, and sweep the blue sky:
And I’ll love you as long as the furrow the plough,
As however is ever, and ever is now.
——-
Because ultimately “the now” is all we ever have. Everything else is either only memory or speculation.
Beautiful poem Savita!
The here and now!
Cheers!
I like very much Savita this poem is very softly.
“And Orion steps down like a river below”
Hi savita,
true it’s “now” that always have, always have had and always will have. either it’s now we are not.
in the poem u quoted i found the metaphors unromatic for a romantic theme, eternity could have been more romatically indicated than the metaphors ” eating gravel for bread”, rippinmg things apart and setting earth abalze, god forbid, and what was that brooming all about, has anyone ever seen two people madly in love enjoing a brooming session togather ;-)
love
aditya
i think love is a mutual understanding between two people. love with two different people may mean that you need something from one person that the other one hasn’t, or you just felt a newer passion that somehow dimishes with the older one. love is not right between three people because there will always be someone who will get hurt eventually, or it could be hurting to all the three involved. I cant remember the exact bible passage that says about choosing between hot and cold and if you are in between, that it is better if you choose one side. Its like our relationship with God. God loves you and you love Him. thats mutual. but what if you say that you love God and you also love doing things against Him or His will… is that love at all?
bible says : don’t be timid be either hot or cold and buddha says avoid extrteams be in the middle, his path is called the middle path, and to add to teh confusion they are talking the same thing — how was that !!
loving god and still doing things agasinst him —- forget about god loving oneself and still doing things sgainst oneself e.g. smoking or getting angry etec. afterall we are humans and we are at the cross roads of beast and divine, we will fall, falling should not be made a habit though, but we need to learn to art of getting up and 8th time after 7th fall.
love
aditya
soulmates are nothing, but the there, then and now…how many of us have met what it is we think as a ‘soul mate’ time and time again…but true love all really comes down to compromise and understanding and not a fantasy of ‘happily ever after’, to me it’s like achieving Nirvana, hard work, discipline and dedication…
Olá Paulo
Eu…queria apenas dizer que queria viver essa experiencia.
Um triangulo. Por que não?
Hj sou casada , e penso muito em alguem, um sentimento cresce em mim por um desconhecido.
Mas…não sei….Queria apenas viver isso, sem culpa, sem medo sem receio…Viver. Senti o sentimento…amar…entregar-me….sentir.!
Quem disse que é errado? Se é, por que?
Agente acaba deixando de viver, ou vivendo sem emoção por causa do que talves seja ceerto ou errado.
Alguém pode tá precisando do meu amor e carinho…
Rs…devemos ser nobre e reparti o que temos em ambudancia….
Paulo,
Já cheguei a pensar em outra pessoa, enquanto casada. Era um caso antigo, de um rapaz da adolescência, que reencontrei após 15 anos. Mas a culpa pré-definida que a sociedade coloca de forma enraizada nas nossas mentes. Porém já sugeri, falei abertamente, que se o meu marido quisesse mais alguém na nossa relação, eu não veria problemas…
What I know is that, life is indeed a constant search for that one true love.
It is not easy to find your soulmate. For some it is a lifelong search, others they already met them but for some complicated reasons they cannot be together, while others are just fortunate enough to find him just right on time.
Often, we settle because it is practical. But in our heart of hearts it is not what we truly desire. Triangle happens most of the time, when you commit yourself with someone who makes you feel secure, happy. Then, someone will come along the way, when you thought everything in your life is in place, only for him to make you realize what you have been missing all your life. Then, your life turns up-side down…
Acredito que deveriamos ter amor entre 6 bilhões de seres humanos e não somente três pessoas, se a maioria não consegue amar nem a um, imagina amar dois ou mais …
Love exists in many different forms and evolves throughout the passage of time and experience. Love is fluid and unpredictable, erupting in a deluge or fading like a drought. It is influential above all reason and logic, possessing our soul or exhausting our hearts.
However the absolute essence of love is that love is truth, in absolute purity. If we are absolutely true to our soul and our heart then love will point our true direction like the needle of a compass.
There are many temptations and disguises in this world, such as lust and desire that sometimes operate under the guise of love. If we confront the true nature of our emotions, we will be able to discern between what is pure and what is not. Lust and desire are potent and I wish not to deride these passions at all, for they are instinctual and often very primitive. However they must be valued for what they are and not confused with the purity of love.
This brings me to the idea of a love triangle. I don’t believe that the compass of love can point in two directions at the same moment in time and space. Perhaps for those who think they love two souls simultaneously have been seduced by sexual arousal or mental desire under the pretense of love. Perhaps they are not being true and honest with oneself. Perhaps it is the ebb and flow of love as our hearts true direction changes from one soul to another.
Ultimately, love is the reflection of our soul and only an honest soul will find pure love in one direction.
Beautiful words Christina!
Illuminating, christina.
but somewher u may have got biased by your mind, because in my opinion, while it is true that the more truthful we are towards ourselves the more fountain of love flows, but finding that soul. and then there is problem of heavy conditioning since birth and now a days even before that. how to know what is my soul saying when it uses the same mouth as my ego does. first we will need to find our ‘original face’ as they say in koans. It is here only but we need to calm down and see. look into an infants eye and know that one day u were that, see the world from his eyes.
In a way we are all soulless actually, the soul is only a possibility, we can install our soul by continuously striving as a wol or rather we can slowly see our soul installed in our altar.
love
aditya
…Christina, you wrote: “I don’t believe that the compass of love can point in two directions at the same moment in time and space. Perhaps for those who think they love two souls simultaneously have been seduced by sexual arousal or mental desire under the pretense of love.”
I’d like to add that perhaps one was stuck in habits and afraid of moving into the direction the needle of his/her love-compass is showing till another soul comes along to help him out. And Eros gives pretty strong impulses that I cannot just call sexual arrousals.
Love has many faces. God’s love for Soul would attract Soul (in a human body) with whatever makes a person move into the right direction. If I am a smoker, god my have a messge to me when I walk out a place to smoke a cigarette. If I stopped smoking, god may have a message for me when I go to a snyk bar because I suddenly had a very strong desire for french fries. When I am at the country side I might get my message from the divine when I am sitting still on the lake side.
And when I am married I might get a message that brings me further by a man or woman that is attracting me in a way that it makes me jump over all moral ideas I was trained to have to finall y recognize that love isn’t marriage and that moral isn’t always good :-)
I mean, if there a step to make, god sends us (donkeys) a carot to want. In whatever form this may come, I cannot judge it this or that way. To learn to discriminate between lust and love, a “carot” an a trap is maybe a life long lesson. Best regards, Sonia*
I believe that one could love once in a life time.that what exactly hapened to me.i broke up with my x-fiance,but though i never forgot him or felt like i hate him.met soo many people after wards but never felt passionally for any of them like how it was for my x.i also think taht one could love two persons at the same time, but sudddenly will realise ”oooooh,it wasnt real love”…some times people stick to one partner,though he/she might be the wrong partner cause they do not satisfy each others physical,mintal and fantasy needs,but they love eachh other.So,at some stage in this relationship,one of the partners go out of the right track and start seeking what he/she lacks in this incomplete relation.i totally agree that love has no rules.but i also think that it is not taht easy thing to find that true love.soulmates should not be in love.cause some times you love some one who is not your soulmate which is areal tragedy.but it steams from the fact that human beings are always not perfect.so,no matter how far have you tried to convince yourself taht your partner is that good,he/she would never ever be prfect…
One may love with the same degree of intensity, but each tie leads down a different road, a different probability, a different you. I loved a man and thought we would marry. It was a deep soul connection, but he was split within his soul, with the light and the dark vying for dominance… I loved his essence, but his personality was very conflicted. After moving to another city, with the understanding that my lover would join me later on, I fell in love with another man; there was magic, passion, intensity..I was consumed. When my first lover came to visit me in New York, I told him that I was in love with someone else. He left to return to San Francisco, and the next day I was awakened early by a delivery of long stemmed roses which he had sent. Both my new lover and I were extremely impressed! Still, though it was difficult, I did not waver until one ordinary afternoon, my new man was sitting on my couch while I was putting away clean laundry. Nothing was unsual, we were not speaking…Suddenly I was transported to a small African village – I was hovering around 100 feet above this non-descript, small, poor African village, with round huts – a few people walking around. Nothing unusual – aside from the fact that I was transported in an unexplainable vision to observe this scene as I was putting laundry away in my closet. As I looked down upon this scene, I had a profound knowing come upon me that the destiny I wanted, the life I really wanted involved the man I had rejected. It was a complete certainty. I returned to ordinary consciousness and turned to my new man and explained what had just happened. It was a done deal. I just knew I had to get back with the previvous man – though I did not know why, exactly, or the exact relevance of the African village scene I had just witnessed. … I contacted the man I had rejected, the man I loved but who was troubled, the man who had sent a dozen long stemmed roses when I told him that I loved another… We eventually married, and our lives took on a most dramatic magical element, and it was very, very clear to me why my soul called to me to change the path I was on, that day. Still, the meaning of that African village scene was unclear to me, until one day my husband – who grerw up in South Africa – told me that as a boy he used to visit a medicine man out in Swazi land, in the bush. The medicine man recognized the power that my husband – then a boy – posessed, and ‘threw the bones’ for him… He read the omen – he interpreted the meaning of the designs the bones formed when he tossed them, and at one point he described a woman, and drew a distinctive image in the sand with a stick – an image that identified me (not one of my favorites, I might add) and said told the boy that ‘this is your woman. She will stand by you.’….. The village this medicine man lived in seemed to match the vision that I had that day…
Every relationship – and especially ones choice of mates – connects with a different destiny. it is the verersion of your life you are choosing, it is the version of YOU that you are choosing, and sometimes the choice involves pain, challenges that may seem to mock the sacrifice of an easier or happier love for the one chosen.. But if you are up to the task, the soul will always lead you to the road that leads to the ultimate, greatest fulfillment… Sometimes, though, we just need a vacation.
Your story drew me in, that was very interesting reading about your moment of epiphany. Like Paulo says, ‘Life sometimes separates people so that they can know how much they mean to each other.’
Thanks for sharing your story.
love
Lily
I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this story, and that I hope one day to have the clarity that you found.
this is exactly how i feel at the moment..being intensely in love with 2 men at the same time..im married with 2 children for 15 years and been away from my country for most of that time. now through online website i was able to reconnect with my first love in high school..we never had a relationship but we were good friends from high school, college and till i married . i know he loved me all the years we were friends and it was painful telling him then that iam in love with someone and about to marry. he cried then and confessed his love for me and that he didnt expect me to marry at the very young age but it was all too late..and even after i married and he later got married he continue to look for me and visit me every now and then and we keep in touch. i lost him though for 10 years when i lived overseas and now after finding each other again he finally told me that iam his first and last love..and how much he loved me then, now and forever..that he was continually looking for me all these years we were apart. what we have is a tragic love story because he was also my first love but thought then that he is not much into me and when i met my husband i was instantly in love with him as well.
now after 15 years i still love my husband but my first love awaken this old feelings that i have way back in high school and i find myself to be falling in love with him again.
im torn on what to do about this, as i dont want to compromise my marriage but at the same time i dont want to lose my first love again esp now i know how he feels about me.
my mind tells me to forget about him and discontinue our contact now but my heart says otherwise and wants to keep him close.
we only live once and i dont want to make a decision that i would later regret..advise anyone??
Paulo,
There are many kinds of love. We cannot control how we feel, we cannot control who to love. We just love. That said, I do not think that should be used as an excuse for being romantically involved with more than one person at a time. Regardless of how helpless we are in terms of loving, we have the absolute free will to make a choice of the person we wants to spend the rest of our lives is. That takes conscious effort and maybe doesn’t sound so romantic. But I am opposed against the abandonment of free will and using helplessness of love as an excuse to indulge. When people do not want to make a choice and have the best of both worlds, chaos ensues and usually everybody gets hurt. Funny thing is … when that happens, everyone claims “it’s no one’s fault”.
In this age and time where people have become so fluid, I sense strongly the suppression of free will and that, to me, is a major setback to humanity. It is one of the greatest gifts bestowed on humans.
This is definitely a colder and harder line than most people who take but I am someone who seems to be cursed with being in a triangle so what I say does not sprout from not having experienced the dilemma but from having done so.
Una de las cosa que me ha impresionado del tema, es la cantidad de personas que respondieròn, al mismo…lo que me indica que ese triangulo se da màs allà de lo que imaginemos….conciderò que todo el conflicto que genera la infedilidad esta dado por las premisas aprendidas de la religiòn, la educaciòn y el miedo….En cualquier parte del camino de nuestras vidas estamos tentados a amar a màs de una persona..unas nos alejamos, otras sucumbimos al instante màgico…somos rigidos …la sociedad nos hace asì..pero en tu yo interior sabes que sin dejar de amar tus situaciones, muy en tu yo interno desearias vivir cada dìa intensas relaciones ….Prohibidas…pero posees el miedo…el de no saber manejar el apego..y es tan valido, ¿Comò sentirte…? ¿Como asumir a la otra persona despuès de una infidelidad..aunque la otra persona ni este enterada? Cuando nos aceptemos, unos a otros, sabiendo que el amor es como se momentos o instantes…entonces comprenderiamos que somos seres espirituales viviendo experiencias humanas…Namaste
I did fall in love with two persons at the same time but I don’t think it is possible to love with the same intensity.
I had a long-time relationship. When we were in our sixth year, I met a guy who was so opposite of him. My boyfriend was mature, responsible, drove an expensive car and had a stable and good career, while this new guy was exactly the opposite of him. I fell in love with him and we dated in secret and after a month, I left my long-time boyfriend. While having a relationship with this new guy, I was confused because I still loved my ex. I loved this new guy but why did I keep on thinking about my ex? I wanted to go back to my ex but I couldn’t give up this new guy. I couldn’t choose between them because I thought I both loved them in the same intensity. After six months of always fighting, I finally left him and go back to my ex and asked for forgiveness. He accepted me with open arms saying, “Welcome home, I knew your little adventure will not take a while and you would come back.” The next day, I wrote a poem and gave it to him. After reading it, he kissed me on the forehead.
For me, every feeling has a different level of intensity, never the same. In my experience, my love for my boyfriend was more intense, though I admit I also loved the new guy. There is too much familiarity and too much security of a long-time relationship and there is a promise of adventure in the new relationship. The situations themselves were not the same so were the intensity of the feelings.
By the way, here’s the English translation of the poem. I hope it has the same feeling and the same intensity as when I wrote it in my language. ;)
“I have written you poems about pain and sufferings of love,
Because I thought they mirrored the relationship that we have.
I thought I was lonely,
So I left you for somebody.
Now I know the real meaning of loneliness,
It is without you, my happiness.”
Dear Paolo and the world,
I believe that LOVE should not have rules. Love shouldn’t be trapped in a cage of rules because it is not part of mankind’s rules to begin with. “Love moves in mysterious ways..” as the song goes. It is ever changing within us for the reason that it doesn’t want us to understand it. One couldn’t give love a rating because it doesn’t want to in the first place. Mankind always have a habit of putting it’s own rules to things he is afraid of in order to understand it but in doing so it’s true essence is lost
Now for the triangle, I believe that we have different way of expressing love to different people. We can’t say that we love these two people at the same intensity because we met them in a different time, place, and situation so they are independent from each other. The reason why it’s bad is because we are insecure with ourselves and that we think of love as our possesion.
I say again that love can’t be contained but only experience :)
Sincerely,
pinoyJPN
Paulo,
There have been moments when I have fallen in Love with the whole world with such great intensity. I have loved two people with the same intensity. It is a feeling of no barriers. Of seeing the pureist of being within all. There are no stories of the small self there. There is only Love. Love for me is not about romance, or relationship issues. I have my mater which aids me with those and I love him. But I Love so many ! And each relationship I have is an oppertunity to turn from life’s ordinary statement to the experience of ecstacy of the moment of connection. No wounds exist, no boarders, no control. Simple beingness is there. Honored life and creation. Love is being present here and now — this is my experience.
everyone is my soul’s Mate. ;) Sharon Schwengler.
Sr. Paulo :
Me atrevo a decir que el que te permitas una relación con otras dos personas tiene mucho que ver con cómo está tu vida en ese momento. Cuando a mí se me presentó la primera oprtunidad de hacerlo me negué por completo, en mí esa posibilidad no tenía cavida, me alejé lo más que pude de esa persona (aunque no puedo negar que me sentía atraída por su personalidad, su forma de vida). Es mucho más fácil tener sentimientos ocultos a cuando la otra persona también manifiesta sentir lo mismo, porque te enfrentas al ¿y ahora qué hago?. Pues lo más sano para mí fué huir. Debo aclarar que en aquél entonces tenía 24 años, 2 años de casada, no tenía hijos. En los años siguientes de mi vida me dediqué a buscar tener familia y a engordar para alejarme del mundo (del masculino).
A los 43 años (habiéndome reconciliado conmigo misma luego de perder 35 Kg. de peso) con una vida resignada por la rutina del marido y los hijos, con los años reflejados en el rostro y en el cuerpo, resulta que le soy atractiva a alguien 10 años menor que yo. Al comienzo por supuesto noté su atractivo físico, pero jamás pensé en alguna otra cosa, simplemente era un chico guapo que por razones de trabajo tuve que tratar. Pero cuando comenzó con sus insinuaciones simplemente me sentí renovada, apreciada, deseada, fueron muchas cosas las que me llevaron a dejarme envolver en esa pasión indescriptible, pero mi desgaste emocional fué tremendo, no quería por ningún motivo perder mi matrimonio, mi familia, pero tampoco tenía valor para alejarme de esa persona que me llenaba de vida. Finalmente comprendí que era muy difícil mantener esa situación sin que alguno de ellos saliera perjudicado, por lo que preferí mi vida conocida, mi hogar y mi familia. No sé si fuí cobarde con mis sentimientos.
Paulo, esse triângulo tem um centro. Nesse centro pode ter o seu ego ou o de outra pessoa. Se o seu é o centro, então fica mais fácil de imaginar. Você amando duas pessoas…Mas se seu ego não está no centro é mais difícil…Você e outra pessoa amando o mesmo amor.
O que eu não quero pra mim, aquilo que me machuca, não quero para o outro. Fidelidade e sinceridade a cima de tudo!
(Mateus Seixas)
I’m of christian background and for me, in one of those moments when i thought I’d hit bottom, i had this revelation, that followed a simple logic:
God is love
We are made in his image and likeness
Ergo- we are love.
As complex as the ‘human condition’is so is love the verb and the noun- neither able to exist without the other since inaction invalidates the emotion. Fancy words aside- I don’t understand the ‘triangle concept” but just want to caution against limited definitions of love.
Cheers
Dear Paulo – I think you can love many people, actually, but can only be in love with one. There is always that “one” you think about, that “one” you see in every face, that “one” you miss all the time, that “one” you live for and would do anything for without expecting anything in return. These are my thoughts.
Thank you for all you do.
Rebeca
Boa noite Paulo…
Eu amo duas pessoas diferentes.
Da mesma forma e da mesma intensidade. Sei disto porque não consigo ficar sem um deles, já tentei, é como se me faltasse um pedaço.
Há um equilíbrio de sentimentos, mas é claro que o envolvimento é maior com o que passo mais tempo e como isto muda de tempos em tempos eu não seria capaz de me decidir entre eles.
Complicado e real.
Abraços.
A verdadeira viagem deverá ser feita dentro do nosso ser. Os caminhos e descaminhos da nossa alma, propiciam experiências que não conseguimos entender. De qualquer forma, “Triângulo Amoroso” é um rótulo. Cada um assume seu fim… Ou seu começo…
A busca nos caminhos do nosso “ser”, nos habilitam a peregrinação em alcançar o que chamamos de amor.
Com amor à todos…
Sérgio Coelho
Hello Paulo (and all the others :-D)
I’m happy you chose this subject. I allways thought I was strange always being in love with more men at the same time…I read it’s called being a poly-amorist.
I choose not to be with 2 men at the same time, since most people cannot cope with it. I’m not even sure I can myself…
But what if it were possible?
Se puede amar a dos o muchas mas persona pero no por las mismas razones, cada quien complementa una parte de nuestro ser y se puede sentir necesidad de estar cerca de muchas personas, pero a cada quien se le ama de una forma unica e indivisible.
i have been trough this experience last year, i was in love with someone who gave me the physical love , the passion. and with one who gave me protection and peace of mind, stability and a clear future. i chose the last one to got engage to him and it was a very good desicion. but from time to time i need someone to give me the passion i miss in my life ( but never with my ex). too bad to feel like this but this is the truth.
I was in the same scenario 2 years ago, but unlike you I chose the one who gave me passion and deeper conncection… My situation is a wee bit complicated than yours. But in the end, I don’t want to regret letting him go and choose security nd protection. There were sacrifices and dissappointments but I stood by my decision and what I know is that it is love.
i think this could never happen to partners who truely love each other and covinced to their choices for each other, its very difficult to love someone by heart and then with any problem or even without, ull search for another one and believe that u love him, here comes the problem, there must be something incorrect. either ur choice from the very beginning was wrong or ur tryin to convince urself of the second person by any mean, and this may finally ends with a breakup with both.as for me i had a simillar situation due to different and variable circumstances, but finally when i thought deeply and wisely, i figured out that i love neither of them, and that love for both was fake!!!….i think it is diffocult to love 2 at the same time…..this isnt true love….
I don’t believe in it! Plain and simple…
Infatuation isn’t love… Love is what goes through flesh and bones and only happens once in a lifetime! It’s a rare kind of love in its purest form because almost no one actually believes in it!
If love only happens once in a lifetime then god help us all. Perhaps it is beliefs like this that has the world in the state it is in. Like the concept that there can only be one god or one true path – it is this belief that has there be so much hatred and misunderstanding in the world. The more people allow love to be free and allow themselves and others to feel it, nourish it and allow it to grow the better off we will all be.
I know that I have loved more than one, and I know beyond doubt that my partner loves me just as much as he loves another – whether he chooses me as the path he takes, or chooses to stay on the path he started on, or continues to cross those paths as he does now is an entirely different question. Whichever path he chooses does not and can not diminish that love.
I’ve never loved two men at the same time but sadly twice I’ve been one of the two women a man loved … and it’s not a nice position let me tell you lol! … especially when you find out about the “other” woman once you’ve already fallen in love… after those I sweared that should I find myself in a similar position, I’d leave the man straight away, he’d have to make a choice ! you can’t have le beurre, l’argent du beurre et le sourire de la fermière as we say in french (the butter, the butter’s money and the farmer’smile) ;)
i love your forum & your discusion .
I think we like to intellectualize Love and create theories that support a desire to have 2 relationships going at the same time, but I don’t believe our hearts can do this. I have seen friends attempt to live in poly-amorous relationships and it always gets very complicated which then leads to dishonesty, which leads to feelings of betrayal, and then the triad breaks up into 3 singles or 1 couple 1 single. An ex boyfriend was in an open relationship for many years. It became so complicated that he insisted on getting married and being exclusive. It was too late. They no longer trusted each other. She went on to a second marriage that is exclusive, and he wanted commitment in our relationship. I have never seen a triangle work.
dearest paulo
i can not imagine it. triangle? no…
i think my love at the same time is unique, like my God , that is unique.two? with the same feelings…no.
best regards
roya
Uma das duas pessoas é amada menos até que uma dela deixa de ser amada; penso que pode haver compaixão, culpa, então “achamos” que amamos igual.
É raro amar uma pessoa, imaginemos duas… muita pretensão. O que ocorre é um sentimento similar.
Two very different men, two very different reasons in my trangle.
My husband and father of our children, We are a family, we have been through a lot and have many responsibilities. I love him.
The other, my friend who lets me be the carefree child that is inside. The joy and the laughter. I love him too.
I need both to bring balance to my life.
In all my life I never had a single day not loving someone… When I’m ready to let go, I let go and somebody else comes into my heart. I just can’t break it. But it never happened, that I was loving two people… Love is never for both, never the same… It can be passionate love for one and companionate for another. The real love is only one. I just can’t imagine how somebody can love two people equally. It’s such a strong feeling, it could just blow up your heart loving 2 people. I hope it won’t happen to me ever. I’ve got a loving man now, who’s I’ve been with for almost a year and I feel like being with him forever. Just can’t imagine anybody else besides me. If not my collegues or friends, all other man makes me feel disgusted when touching me or hugging… I’ve never felt this before and I want it to last forever…
Good Luck with love triangles, whoever has one…
Just remember, you can never love both equally.
Love,
Evelina
How can you presume to tell another how they are capable of loving?
One may love two people for different reasons, but this does not diminish either of those loves – it does not mean that one love is greater, more powerful or true than the other.
Does a parent love their children equally? By your summation the answer would be no…
The meaning of Love, maybe it’s not understand in the cultures and societies as it should be. The true love is to love everything and everyone, so if you can love someone (from same or different sex – it doesn’t matter) so sincerely and honest from the deepest part of your soul, with your Being, then you can love two and more persons with the same enormous intensity in same time. I think it’s all about the purity of loving… “what makes her happy, makes me more happier”
you are beautiful!
Yes!!!! Thank you for saying it so simply and so well.
You are indeed beautiful and have a very clear insight to the purity of love :-)
Love, Kate.
Hum complicado heim Paulo …eu acredito em amor de muitas formas mas um triângulo comigo ñ aconteceria e ja é difìcil pois sempre são duas pessoas de pensamentos diferentes onde cai o velho ditado os opostos se atraem… e se for três afff como administrar isso? atração sim eu acredito q aja …bju
Hello everyone.
I do not think that it is right to measure love, the intensity of love. Love cannot be measured. It is something eternal, everlasting, you cannot measure eternity, you are able to love everyone in this world. When you think – how much I love this person compared to the other one, you are using your head and not your heart. Unfortunately, we are forced by our society to choose only one person, one partner, with whom we can be officialy in love with otherwise other people or lets say society will blame you for your immoral behaviour. But there must be something wrong in this “morality” because how comes that so many people have already experienced falling in love with two men or women at the same time…it is possible, it means that our heart can not follow any rules, it can love more people at the same time no matter who it is. We are living in the society, we are accepting its rules and everything is in order, we lead ordered life. we believe that the rules are our own rules, that they are right and then suddenly, another man or another woman appears and now what? How can you deal with this kind of situation? We start to have qualms of conscience becasue we were told to love only one partner and now we are not obeying the rules. We are afraid that we are doing something wrong, that we will be damned but our heart isnt doing anything bad,it just loves, it is so wonderfully simple, but we make things complicated, we let our brain, the society, control our lives -society that funny abstract thing that is standing over us like a big monster and it is ready to jump on you whenever you do something “immoral”. How can be love immoral? So what happens, we cheat on our partners because we think that we are doing bad thing because we know, that he or she would be extremly unhappy to know, that his or her better part is going out with somebody else. But, if we were able to get rid of this horrible possesivness,everything would be simple, there would be no qualms, no jelousy, there would be more happy people, our children would be happier. But most of us are afraid of that big monster, and we choose to live only with one person and then our heart is weeping although we are smiling. We are wearing masks, masks that should protect us from the outer world, because what would happen if we put aside this mask and tried to act according to our inner voice? Yes, maybe we would lose our security, certainty but finally, we would start to live our life at the given moment, we would be now and here, extremely happy and not thinking of the future. Because future does not exist. It is only presence that matters. What’s the sense of living with somebody only for the reason to be safe,protected, but at the same time, unhappy? Why spontaneity is something that is rather rejected than preferred? We should start to act according to our own will, we can not be cowards anymore..I am now a coward, I have come to such a point in my life, which caught me unprepared, I have started to go with the natural flow of my life, my heart is singing but weeping at the same time because I am coward to face the society and say, thats my life, I want love and not restrictions…I feel like being imprisoned and ńot being able to act according to my feelings, I hope I will find the strenght and that finally my heart will sing the eternal song of love. I wish you the same.
Oh My Lord,
You are so right!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, my heart is smiling now ;-)
xxx
Namaste
Joanna
I have another thing to say after reading many peoples comments and experiences….and what i didnt state before i will now…the way we love people..is the way we love ourselves…what we do to others …we do to ourselves…so if we hurt another person..we hurt ourseelves…if we are kind to other people..we are kind to ourselves…
If you read what the people write who are involved in love triangles..it all sounds the same…they love two people..who GIVE THEM TWO DIFFERENT THINGS…its about them…them receiving what they need…they dont mention what they give to the other…or what they do with the other…its pure selfishness…its about what they get…theey are stuck in me, me , me and I I I…them not being fullfilled with themselves first…and then being with another person..s.till feeling not whole…so then putting in still another person to try to make them whole…and it will go on and on…searching for something or someone to ´give to them…give something…because theymust feed thier selves with something!
I definetely agree with BarboraSK! Love….
hey, you are totally right, but, what should you do when , you have to choose one?
You know you love both, and that is not a problem, but in a situation it is neccesary to choose only one, what would you do?
I think its a difficult situation, i had an experience, in which I chose one of them, and tried to forget about the other. but that was imposible, and now I am just resigned, I can´t stop loving both of them.
Beautifully said!!
This is beautiful. Barbara, your post reminds me of why a lot marriages fail. After being married some 10 or more years, that spark between husband and wife usually dies. The husband and wife become more like sibilings rather than husband and wife and the passion dies, and they don’t have sex any longer. A lot of people try to feel that feeling of passion since sexuality is such a necessary and innate part of us, by cheating, lying and going behind their mate. Both men and woman do this, but as soon as it is out in the open that one has cheated, then it’s time for divorce because they are basing it on the silly rule that no other partners are allowed in a marriage, while one or even both may be cheating and having extramarital partners, but hiding it.
So they end up getting a nasty divorce, fights for months, excessive amounts of money spent to lawyers and if they have kids, they are the ones who suffer the most.
Now imagine if it was an accepted thing, if not by society, but by the partners themselves, that they can have a partner outside their marriage, say an affair, for starters (LOL) Of course they would need to talk about it, and they would have to be careful not to bring any diseases into the family. But if this was the case, maybe even that one time would even salvage the couples marriage and would even bring back that spark and passion between the married partners.
Sometimes the human race can be so square, when in such situations as marriage where people can make their own rules, they just blindly follow what has been told to them without questioning.
I’ve never been married, but most of the people around me have, and I’ve watched. Usually, couples either end up divorced or celibate because of loss of passion. Usually.
Love has different forms, but at it’s purest any other infatuation or attraction will crumble. To be in love is to be complete with another soul, to trust in and to accept the union of your desires with another. To “love” two people at once suggests to me that the heart is struggling, either through greed and the desire to have importance in the eyes of more than one other person (this is human and I do not feel in a position to judge others and not myself for this fault), or with feeling unworthy to receive this complete devotion.
When someone feels that they love two people at once, I believe they are seeking both the security and comfort one gives, with the novelty and excitement of seduction by another, less familiar lover. Only in very rare cases does familiarity not follow, and the excitement of this new love burn out, causing lasting damage to the settled harmony of the more stable relationship. You may be lucky and find the excitement lasts, but is it enough to sacrifice the trust and confidence of affectionate devotion?
we love 2 people when each gives us something the other can’t..
when each makes us feel … about ourselves… a way the other can’t…
when we need 2 people to make us feel whole…
if one is not enough, then none is ‘the one’…
these people are put in our way so that when we meet that one person…we know it…
we know… not because of how we feel when he/she is around, but because of how it felt when he/she weren’t … :)
nicely said!
Dear Paulo
Is this topic a continuity of the Valkyries? There are moments in that book I cannot forget.
Many in triangles give in to the world but never live fully after that. the ones who do are forced to take the roads less travelled that have no signs.
“coz you know sometimes words have two meanings” Stairway to Heaven
Sona
Muito difícil um relacionamento a três, com certeza uma das partes não está feliz com esse triangulo.Mais hoje em dia tudo é possível, mais não acho lega.
I am one out of two persons being loved equally intensive by the same man and all I can is that it hurts worse than the worst pain you can imagine. It burns your soul, your mind, your heart. You reach a point where you feel hate for the other person when you know that she feels as criminally bad as yourself. And more important of all, even though you think you can lead yourself outside this triangle that ruins your inside, there’s absolutely nothing you can do because the love you feel inside for that man is above every single pain and feels to deserve every single sacrifice on earth, even just to be one of the two people he loves.
I feel desperate…
Just a suggestion: Have you and this other woman ever sat down together and shared with one another your feelings? Sometimes a monster only looks like a monster because it is in the dark. When you flip on the light you realize that it is only a housecoat hanging on a hook. You’re probably right – she likely is experiencing many of the same feeling as you. I know it might sound like a very dangerous and even scary proposal – the idea of opening up to the “enemy” – but if the two of you are capable of entering into a genuine dialogue with one another, it might help to resolve a lot of these unpleasant feelings that both of you are probably experiencing. You might even become friends. After all, you must have something in common; otherwise, you wouldn’t both be in love with the same man. And who knows – you might both decide that this friendship is more important than the man. At any rate, if you’re already feeling miserable and dissatisfied, you have little to lose in trying it. Sometimes a lot of the pain that we feel is caused by what we cannot see or do not know, but can only imagine. The imagination is capable of creating monsters that are far worse than anything that reality can bring.
Wishing you the very best!
With Much Love,
Savita
Its a great thing that loves brings so much response. I have been thinking of writing a book on love…so this topic really applys- LOVE.
Well, I was in a love triangle one time….when I was very young and naive…I remember feeling more sorry for the man…becasue i thought how difficult and pain staking it is to have strong feelings for two woman and possibly be in love with both. In the end, i left…and later while traveling through India and soul searching, I realized the anger that i had towards this man and towards myself for putting myself…into this role…the other woman. It was my first and last experience with a love triangle…at least one where deceit and lies…and where one person…my boyfriends girlfriend knew nothing….I learned a lot from this experiece…knowing…I didnt want anything to do with it.
Also, I actually had a love rectangle…but this time it was different…i began a relationship with a man who was already involved with two woman…but these other women also had other relationships….they knew about me and I knew about them…..ahh yes…free love….hahahha…a really good ideal but a very difficult and painful one to fullfill….I am still not sure if it possible…we as humans have these emotions and with them along with our conditioning and nature…is possessive, jealous, attached..with love….maybe a spiritual awakening could remove these emotions…but years of practice it would take..and even then..i have never met anyone who mastered it with a perfection with out hurting others involved..and without a degree of selfishness…
So from this experience…i really tried…not to care..to be a buddhist..unattached…and just appreciate the time I had with this boyfriend….i do not regret this experience…i got to see where i am emotionally…and how i actually do value…being -the one-in someones life. In the end…again i left..and all his relationships broke after that…and again…i saw how torn and confused this guy was through having to devote all his energy to three women…
From both these relationships…i see how needy some people are…some püeople need a lot of love…from outside of themselves…and will accept it if someone comes along to fill that hole…they will do it…some times love is very very selfish.
There is so much in the media,,,on telvision and in moives…making this love triangle so sexy…the deceit, the waiting for the person with ur heart full of desire and then getting them…all ur love strings stretched…the pounding in the heart…beating out of infatuation…and the passionate sex that it brings…and the fall..the downside..when the sky doesnt look blue anymore..the person is away…and then again the cycle….over and over again…until one day…someone breaks..someone heart ..says i can not do this anymore…and what follows…a broken spirit…a loss in faith of love…self-value is lowered..self worth…love can build but it can also destroy
I believe in integrity…and with integrity lays truth, honesty..and it carrys..a wholeness..and this is what i need in a relationship now. Now ia m in a committed, monogomous relationship….its what i want now…it makes me happy, fullfilled…it takes integrity..it makes another side of myself come out..that was not there in the other relaionships…i could never really fully give myself in the other relaionships..and i am finally free to do so in this one…
I am not saying…i never fantasize…a few times i have…but not alot..becasue i am someone…who follows my heart and dreams..and i like to fullfill my fantasies…so if i was to do it often..then i would be cheating myself not to…luckily..i see these are fleeting thoughts…the delusion of the fairy tale…or the sex god or goddess…
What i have now fills me..i have grown so much by being with one person for the last year…devoting myself to my boyfriend..and going through all the mental and emotional confusion and turmoil that was inside of me becasue of all my past relationships with men..and those two situations that i mentioned are dealing with this topic…but i have had many relaionships wiht men…which dealt with other topics which are just as “sexy and exciting” as a love triangle or rectangle…
Well, i am gonna end this here now…and i wish for everyone that is in a love triangle..that theey dont go through too much pain…and that ur soul learns from this…as mine did!
Love to all!!!!!!!!! Long live love!!!!
Dear Paulo,
Of course, there are many kinds of love and it is easily possible to love many people at once. But, I do not believe it is possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. I really do not know if it is possible for others, but it is not for me. True romantic love, to me, can not be compared to anything else on the planet. I think I would suffer cognitive dissonace if ever I thought that I was in love with two men simultaneously. It would drive me nuts! ;) I just can not imagine it.
Love,
Diane
Hello Paulo! :-) I can’t say a lot about this subject, but recenttly its supposes I’m in middle of a situation like that… I have a friend who has a girlfriend and he says I’m his soulmate and he loves me so much from the bottom of his heart and blah blah blah…BUT he loves her too???? … What should I say? or what should I think?… I really don’t believe a word, but he says what he feels is so real and it makes me feel curious but worried at the same time… My question for you is: What would you do if it happened to you?
Dear Paolo,
I loved your book Brida, and I belive that in life we met our other parts…. What happeness if we meet two parts in the same time, as Brida did? And it doens’t have to mean that both persons are the ones to have passionate relationship with… With some of people we are in love we can have just friendship… Sometimes those relationships can be deeper and more meaningful then passionate ones.
Why we are as juman beings so possesive and so jelaous esp. when we are in love and we want that person just for ourselves? And not that we are only jealous on other potential passionate partners but on friends of our person in love, on those ones with whome that person is close, with whome our person in love is sharing some other things… Is it just human thing to want to have someone just for ourselves or it is habit we gained and developed in centuries of humanity…
Thanks for your wonderful books!
Maja from Serbia
Oi!!!
Eu penso que pode existir sim a possibilidade de amar duas pessoas ao mesmo tempo… Pq?!
Apenas pq o amor é livre!!!
E se nós formos livres também, ele simplesmente acontece.
Existe toda uma cultura sobre o amor que tenta definí-lo, como se fosse possível!
Agora, se formos falar dos seres humanos que se adequaram a esta cultura (a grande maioria), eu diria, que eles preferem anular seus sentimentos a deixar o amor acontecer.
Pode parecer meio confuso a princípio, mas o amor por si se define, ele não precisa ser vivido, como ele foi condicionado. Apenas respeite-o e dance com ele o tempo que ele permitir!
Um grande BJO!
My husband is my best friend. I could never imagine life without him. I will be with him until the end. I am lucky, though, that he loves me enough to not keep me chained. I am free to make connections with people in whatever way is in my heart. This doesn’t mean lusting around… it simply means that he isn’t jealous of any other connections I have – whether it be just friends or more. When I first discovered that I also loved another, I was afraid, but I talked to my husband about it & we grew together, bringing us to the point we are at now. He is secure in how much he means to me & I’m honest with him & confide my inner most thoughts & desires to him – as does he with me. I love that I have that sort of connection with him.
I don’t belive in “triangule of love”, I belive in “triangule of desire”
Received in an email this morning:
Life Is Too Short,
Break The Rules, Forgive Quickly,
Kiss Slowly, Love Truly,
Laugh Uncontrollably,
And Never Regret Anything
That Made You Smile.
Life May Not Be The Party
We Hoped For,
But While We’re Here, We Should Dance…
Love to All, Jane : ) xo
Hello Paolo,
Loving two is definitely possible. I love two right now as I speak. One is my husband, whom I love dearly…and the other is my first and only true love, whom I have been in love with since I am a child when we first met at age 6. I often wonder to myself how a love can transcend tie, space, etc as ours has…over the years we have been in touch, out of touch, lived on different coasts, reconnected numerous times, he got married to someone else and then divorced…I broke up w/my current husband who was at the time only my boyfriend, reconnected, got engaged, got disengaged and then I married my current husband – the one I had broken up w/to reconnect w/my childhood/college/love.
And the crazy thing is, I STILL love him…to this day, with all my heart. Somehow, we are not meant to be together – all the time I suppose, because one thing or another seems to come between us and get in the way. However, that does not stop the knowing, the feeling that the love is there, flourishing and mutual.
I often wonder what my husband would say if he knew I loved someone else this deeply, that he wasn’t my one and only love. I told him everything about this person, that we had been childhood/highschool/college and then later in life lovers/friends and true confidants and he knows that he proposed to me right before my husband did. I actually said yes to him, before I said yes to my husband and probably wouldn’t have married my current husband at all had “the things that come between” not come between us yet once again. You see, I suppose we are two of the same coin, born two days and one year apart, parents were good friends, have very similar backgrounds – he knows me…I know him. We are basically one and yet not one and all of the things that I try to master in my life – when I see him not doing the same – well, it’s as if he makes me look in the mirror and see what shortcomings there are in both of us – and somehow, I don’t know why, but I just want to rise above that and can never just accept him for him – without putting that bar that I am jumping over up to him as well.
I love my husband deeply and I know he loves me as deeply – there is no gulf or space between us, we are one. I think on saying goodbye to the other only to think again how much it would truly hurt not to have his presence in my life – he is as essential to me as air is…or so I think. And although we have not been in physical contact with each other for over two years now – since I’ve been married, the memory of his last kiss, his last touch, his last whisper in my ear still lingers.
I know that if I were not married, I would be with him and my husband (if we were still together and just not married) and I don’t think I would feel as conflicted as I do…even thinking about being with him as I do now. It’s almost in the thinking of being with him – while I’m married, that I am basically doing the action of stepping out on my husband that I so would not want to happen to me…therefore, we don’t see each other – we both know that it would only be moments before we were touching, holding, loving…
Ah, such conflict when all the heart wants to do is share love, feel love and be love.
I personally do not support love triangles. I know they can happen, I have felt attracted to and been involved with two people at the same time passionately. But relations with one may eventually destroy what you have with the other (and can go to the extent to destroy a person). I believe that some people have the energy and fire in them to give themselves to multiple lovers, but this does not last forever as we all grow old at some point and someone moves on, leaving the other behind.
It is up to you to decide who is worth it, worth sacrificing for if you want it to feel true and good. When you let yourself go with this one person and they happily do the same, you will understand. This also depends on the type of person you want to be and the type of person you want to be with. We are all different, but if you find someone as different as you are then stop letting your eyes wander and invest your heart in this person! :)
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