What is happiness?

by Paulo Coelho on July 8, 2009

This is a question that has not bothered me for a long time, precisely because I don’t know how to answer it.

Some people seem to be happy: they just do not think about it. Others make plans: “I’m going to have a husband, a home, two children, and a house in the country”. While this keeps them occupied, they are like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they don’t think, they just keep moving forward. They manage to get their car – sometimes even a Ferrari – and they think that the meaning of life lies there, so they never ask the question. Yet, despite all that, their eyes betray a sadness that they themselves are quite unaware of.

I don’t know if everyone is unhappy. I do know that people are always busy: working overtime, looking after the kids, the husband, the career, the university degree, what to do tomorrow, what they need to buy, whatever it is they need to have in order not to feel inferior, and so on.

Few people have ever told me: “I’m unhappy”. Most say: “I’m fine, I’ve managed to get all I ever wanted”.

So then I ask: “What makes you happy?”

They answer: “I have everything that a person can dream of – a family, a home, work, good health”.

I ask again: “Have you ever stopped to wonder if that is all there is to life?”

They answer: “Yes, that’s all there is”.

I insist: “So the meaning of life is work, the family, children who grow up and leave you, a wife or husband who will become more like a friend than a true love-mate. And one day the work will come to an end. What will you do when that happens?”

They answer: there is no answer. They change the subject. But there is always something hidden there: the owner of a firm who has still to close the deal he has always dreamed of, the housewife who would like to have more independence or more money, the new graduate who wonders whether he has chosen his career or has had it chosen for him, the dentist who wanted to be a singer, the singer who wanted to be a politician, the politician who wanted to be a writer, and the writer who wanted to be a peasant.

In this street where I am sit writing this column and looking at the people passing by, I bet that everyone is feeling the same thing. That elegant woman who has just walked by spends her days trying to stop time, controlling the bathroom scales, because she thinks love depends on that. On the other side of the street I see a couple with two children. They live moments of intense happiness when they go out with their kids, but at the same time their subconscious is busy thinking about the job they might not get, the tragedies that might occur, how to get over them, how to protect themselves from the world.

I leaf through magazines filled with famous people: everybody laughing, everybody very happy. But since this is a segment of society that I am quite familiar with, I know it is not like that: everyone is laughing or enjoying themselves at the moment that photo is taken, but at night, or in the morning, the story is always quite different. “What can I do to keep on appearing in the magazine?”, “how can I disguise not having enough money to afford all this luxury?” or “how can I manage this life of splendor to make it even more luxurious, more expressive than other people’s?”, “the actress whom I am seen with in this photo, laughing and having a great time, she could steal my part tomorrow!”, or “I wonder if my clothes are nicer than hers. Why do we smile so much if we loathe one another?”

To end, I recall the words of Jorge Luis Borges: “I will not be happy any more, but that doesn’t matter, / there are many other things in this world”.

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{ 245 comments… read them below or add one }

fera September 24, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Happiness… that is what I always say to someone on their birthday, wedding and other gracious day, that I wish them all the happiness in the world. But, will it be possible to have both happiness and emptiness inside your heart? How to be able to always be happy… sometimes even that everything around me seems like hell, I always try to find the positive side, I am able to feel happy, but inside, I feel empty…

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Miki September 24, 2009 at 8:50 am

What is happiness, it seems to be a simple question. There are millions of happinesses. Everybody has his own happiness . It is cured pain of spirit, fulfilled desires, preces. If those are allright and concern us no more, living soul is happy in this moment. In some way it is still a big living secret for humans like religion. Somebody is decent and somebody is picky.
Miki

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marianne September 23, 2009 at 1:57 pm

To me happiness is
- a momentary feeling and not a constant state.
- a moment, a sound or a smell somewhere in nature
- the moment of being a creator (of a text or a painting that
comes from deep inside)
- the moment when I have a new insight about something.
- when I create a wish and the moment this wish comes true. The
wonder, that this wish comes true makes me every time more
happy than the wish itself.
- a deep talk, when something hidden inside me meets something
hidden inside the person I talk with.
- when things flow. It’s a sign that the way is “right”.
- when I feel unconditional love

Happiness belongs to nobody and can happen to everybody who lets it into his life.
Happiness is the intention to experience happiness.

Maybe happiness is also the feeling when we make an effort (have courage, fight for something, learn something, believe in something etc.) and then have success. The moment we have success, we feel happy.

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patricia September 23, 2009 at 1:45 pm

la felicidad, es sentir dentro de uno la alegria con solo mirar la naturaleza, el mar, las cosas sencillas de la vida, y dar a quien necesita si es posible un poco de su alegria, todo esta dentro de uno mismo…..

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Avni September 21, 2009 at 12:48 am

Maybe happiness is the moments..brief /extended, when we connect either to true selves or to another soul…but then again… life itelf could a complete contemplation..a mirage in the midst of another larger reality.

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Jennifer Coreas September 20, 2009 at 2:23 am

happiness… happiness goes beyond ilusions.. Ilusions dessapear..

Happiness.. Being happy? why on earth would anybody want to feel happy forever? Wouldn´t it be boring?.. Isn´t the gray sky what make us think about the shiny sun that is missing?.. Isnt the fell of leaves that let us heard the sound of the wind and remind us that that even death leaves were alive?

Isnt sadness good enough as happiness..? Isnt it just another feeling.. Or maybe Iam just being kinda blue..

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Kaisen September 16, 2009 at 6:29 pm

La felicidad es no perder la fe en lo que se quiere y disfrutarlo cuando se tiene…

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Keidi September 15, 2009 at 8:23 pm

why would we define all the feelings we have, what they are or what do they mean. if we define them then they really become just words. love or happiness or what ever .. don’t be afraid that you don’t know what they mean or what they bring, as long as you feel them in your everyday moments .. live in the present, take everything from life. Keidi

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Francois September 14, 2009 at 7:18 pm

Why not try this one:
Happiness is an automatic/internal evaluation of the fulfillment of our «values» by the brain.

That would explain why everybody sees happiness in different places: we all have different values.

If you value personnal achievement, than creation/accomplishment is your way to hapiness.
If you value fairness in life, than altruism might be your way to happiness.
If you value small values, be ready to be rewarded with small happiness. ( I scratch your back makes you happy ’till I stop ).
If you value nothing, drugs might be a way to happiness.
And the list goes on….

When you see happy people, check their values. Check the soundness of their values and most important: «their structure of value».

That is, a system of value built like a piramid: with all values thought and integrated, built one upon another is a sure way to happiness.
Unintegrated values, contradicting values, based on nothing ( think like: «I don’t know why but I feel like wanting this…» ) is the acrobatic way to happiness. Way up and way down..
Impossible or contraticting values is the way to a dead-end.
( Non-value of human achievement in a human world is a condradiction: happiness will be hard to find there (if it is a truely important non-value) )

Don’t confuse «value» with «moral», I’m pretty sure that somebody who don’t value human life, but value power over those life could live a pretty happy one killing other people.

So the way to happiness is in your values. And ( that is the hard part ), the way to a solid system of value is to «think».
- Why Am I feeling this ?
- Why does it feel important ?
- Doesn’t this value contradict this previous one ? Why ?
- If I really value this, why ? And why not that one ?…
This thinking should go on and on…
Happiness will reward you effort along the way.

Happy life !

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Amy September 12, 2009 at 11:48 pm

happiness is something we haven’t understood, don’t understand. and will never understand. it is somethnig we seek, but not through money, people, anything materialistic. it is something inside us, all around us, it is something that can be seeked through faith, hope, being thankful, giving, sacrifice.

maybe most of us never felt what real happiness is, because love can’t be momentary. it lasts for iternity. it is something that when enters the heart doesnt go away. when it goes away, it is pleasure, not happiness.

Lots of Love, Amy

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Etel September 12, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Happyness is liberty, if you have not liberty you can’t be happy, you can’t enjoy the happyness of the life, of love, of truth….
you can’t discover your self so you can’t be happy.

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elsa September 9, 2009 at 10:32 pm

La felicidad es decision.

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Sharon September 8, 2009 at 3:53 pm

Happiness to me is feeling the wind on my skin, the rain on my face, hearing the birds sing, watching the butterflies dance around the flowers, watching the clouds move across the sky, getting my fingers in the earth and pulling up weeds, smiling at complete strangers who smile back, even banging my leg or arm on the door which reminds me I am alive and makes me smile not curse, just living my life now, and having faith and belief that things will work out one way or another.

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Germania Paulina September 5, 2009 at 10:56 pm

La duda mata la felicidad, en el momento que nos cuestionamos el hecho de “SER FELIZ” y nos ahogamos en la infelicidad de darnos cuenta de que no podemos tener todo lo que queremos consumiendonos en una profunda DEPRESION… Pero, si el hombre es un ser que continuamente esta evolucionando y esto lo obliga a cuestionarse; entonces ¿La Felicidad No Existe? o ¿La Felicidad es un Estado? o quizas ¿Mientras mas evolucionados nos volvemos menos felices?

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Darshan Chande September 4, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Happiness is not really an important thing. Important is to be in contentment with what you have.

Happiness is just a temporary state of mind. It can never last.

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juan tobar September 2, 2009 at 7:06 pm

La felicidad es la sonrisa de un niño.

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Isa miranda September 2, 2009 at 4:00 am

la Felicidad es una invencion humana, que nos quita tiempo ,una necesidad mas inventada para desviar la realidad

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ESPERANZA August 31, 2009 at 9:54 pm

En algún libro leí que la felicidad es la paz del pensamiento.
Particularmente esta definición me convence, cuando consigo librarme de los juicios hacia mí misma y hacia los demás verdaderamente soy feliz.
Leí un comentario anterior que decía que significaba en creer en sí mismo y estoy de acuerdo.
También creo que para sentirla hay que estar en ambientes rodeados de naturaleza pues creo que ella aporta energía purificadora.
un beso muy fuerte para todos.

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jyoti August 31, 2009 at 6:01 pm

an intellectual discussion on happiness is hardly going to fulfil any want of happines exept for giving a satisfaction of having thought about something that mostly remain unthought of.
but the question whether you are happy or not still hangs.

good health,a satisfying career,and loved ones are the source of happiness. but many people spend their whole life time in the want of one or the other of these. are they left with enough to think beyond.

you might feel happy and peaceful in observing the true meaning of life, but if you have a cancer.. you do have a cancer! you may smile but are you really happy??

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mari.. August 31, 2009 at 5:08 am

Casí todas las personas solemos ver la felicidad como una meta, como un propósito por alcanzar y que generalmente es dificil de obtener, lo sucede es que la idealisamos… Con el pasar de los años y con la experiencia del día a día concibo a la felicidad como un estado emocional, como cuando te ríes, como cuando tienes un orgasmo, como cuando lloras, como cuando logras algo, es una sensación que generalmente dura poco y la llegas a sentir por un conjunto de factores que se enlazan entre sí en ese momento justo, como el tiempo, el clima la compañía, puedes sentirte feliz leyendo…hablando con alguien… dando amor… Para mi la felicidad no está ligada al “bienestar social o económico” puedes ser muy rico y sentirte feliz puedes ser un desvalido y sentirte igual o viceversa, la diferencia la haces tú.

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Nina I. August 31, 2009 at 4:52 am

Happiness is GOD!!!

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Veronica Rubio August 30, 2009 at 5:56 am

La verdad no se si reamente usted llegue a leer esto yo por lo menos tengo la esperanza de que asi sea.

Conozco una parte de la felicidad tengo 25 años, 2 hijos una familia muy unida y feliz, soy madre soltera, trato de ser buena madre y sacar adelante a mis hijos, y verlos sonreir es una gran parte de mi felicidad, mas aun hay un hueco en mi vida, posiblemente sea la falta de un pareja, o una persona q me de su mano cuando tropiece, q me de animos y por supuesto q me apapache, es una historia muy larga y nada q ver con lo q lew keria decir jaja pero felicidades sr es ud muy grande, espero algun dia tener a dicha de conocerlo o por lo menos q me firme uno de mis libros (q en realidad son suyos)

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AlexFire August 29, 2009 at 7:18 pm

I admit right now I’m not completely happy, however, I thank God for being still young and still having the chance of happiness which I’ve been following, I’d rather just live and do what makes me happy than just accept to stay pretending; when one goes for true happiness (and achieves it) I suppose its like an opposite of that unhappiness we see everywhere, for in real happiness there will be pain, sadness, etc; but deep inside we would know we are doing what makes us happy; not pretending while we feel like dying deep inside, no, just living life as we know our heart is happy, and willing to fight against all the obstacles others give to us.

During quite a bit I’ve started looking for that which I dream, it is really hard, but when I start getting out of that path I start feeling all that made me unhappy before, that helps me stay on my path, because I don’t want to return to that pretended happiness most people seem to love or to stop believing that there is so much more to life than we see now.

I normally don’t bother myself asking that question because when we are happy, we will know; Sooooo… happiness to all and don’t stop believing! :o)

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Lourdes August 27, 2009 at 2:16 am

la felicidad es un estado de animo, donde te sientes en equilibrio contigo mismo y el mundo que te rodea, es sinonimo de paz.

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cristina August 26, 2009 at 10:43 am

hpapiness lies inside of you, you don’t have to search for it outside…

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Gelu August 26, 2009 at 9:27 am

Happiness is not fear.
It is freedom.
It is that feeling of “no boundries”, of “not even the sky is the limit” – if you know what I mean.

Gracias, Senor Coelho!

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Diki August 26, 2009 at 4:48 am

Happiness for me is to be able to get up in the morning and have another wonderful day when deep inside you realized that you do not deserve what you received from God and thank Him. It does’nt happen every day, but when the realization do comes i feel on top of the world for having just to live.

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Mirna Vilchez August 25, 2009 at 4:15 am

La Felicidad es un estado del que solo tu eres responsable,esta en lo mas profundo de ti, solo tu la puedes sentir, la puedes manejar, puede estar pasando la mas terrible tormenta y sin embargo puedes Ser Feliz, es tu decision,cuando aprendes que significa nada ni nadie puede hacerte Infeliz.

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Ilias August 24, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Happiness is the freedom to do things that you like…..

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Rabea August 24, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Happiness is just a feeling that we cannot define,we are aware of it when we miss a change to be happy once that chance is gone.happiness is enjoying life with that none define nice feeling.

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Carlos De Lilla August 24, 2009 at 9:58 am

La felicidad es que cada particula de tu esencia logre que tus pies te lleven a donde quiere tu corazon ,y dejas de rogar para que solo te pasen cosas buenas y aceptas que lo malo forma parte de la vida…

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lilia August 22, 2009 at 11:18 pm

le bonheur c’est sentir le mal

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vsx07 August 22, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Happiness would always be accompanied by faith. Faith on yourself, on others, on something supernatural. Less planning, more spontaneity. Focusing on simple things rather than the complexities of life.

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Lee Raymundo August 20, 2009 at 12:56 am

HAPPINESS IS A PROCESS, NOT A DESTINATION. :)

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Disa August 19, 2009 at 3:22 am

Happiness is a word, like love propagated (sp?) by Walt Disney that has ruined generations ! Without that word ( or those words ) and the ‘images’ we now associate with that word; we could live simply with no expectations. I see my cats, they are happy.
Myself, rarely. So I hang out with my cats more.

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Surina Dongol August 18, 2009 at 9:10 am

Happiness is within you. Just feel it. Our Body itself is filled with so much energy that we don;t have to find anything beyond. Just Go within and all the answers is inside you.

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micaela August 16, 2009 at 11:01 pm

felicidad..
me pregunto si algun día todos podremos llegar hacia ella,o el..
qué es felicidad y como viene envuelta..
creo que felicidad pasa por buscar en nuestro interior eso tan profundo que anciamos y cumplirlo, y creo también que solo unos pocos llegaron conocer de que se trata eso que anciamos..
felicidad en mi caso seria cumplir un sueño que tengo en mente desde años..creo que desde que nací, pero como la mayoría de las personas no tengo el valor suficiente ni la fuerza y confianza en mi misma para lograrlo, ojalá algún día pueda averiguar si ese sueño cumplido forma parte de la felicidad.

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Melissa August 16, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Happiness is being,not existing.Happiness is to embrace all that life has to offer,even the fear that comes along sometimes.Happiness is being where you want to be,how you want to be and with whom you want to be with.Happiness is being contented with what you have even when the plate has not been served with everything you wish for.

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Angeles August 15, 2009 at 11:48 pm

Es un comulo de libertad, tranquilidad, amor, realización y satisfacción y que sale de dentro de mi, y que me hace sentir más cerca de Dios. Para mí eso es la felicidad.

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noha rashed August 14, 2009 at 10:16 pm

i think happiness is by doing every thing in our life with a good or kind intention, to be satisfied with our cerciumstans and working to improve it,know god , live the moment , apply positive thinking as u can,live with a purpose,and finally the more u give the more u live.

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Tony August 14, 2009 at 3:38 pm

The common thread in all these lovely posts is that happiness is not a function of what we possess or consume, nor of what we do or what happens to us. As such it is far away from what our culture values. What matters is our inner life and the extent to which we can remain peaceful and joyful whatever is happening. Happiness is inner peace.

External events and our own natures clearly affect our inner lives, meaning our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, desires and the rest. So an interesting question is whether we can change the way events affect us. I believe we can, it is a matter of skills we can practice. To live so as to increase such skills is what a spiritual path amounts to, whether it is accompanied by religious belief or not. So there is a close connection between spirituality and happiness, whatever we believe about the supernatural.

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jaypee August 14, 2009 at 5:49 am

Happiness is happiness

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omai August 14, 2009 at 4:46 am

happines sometimes is a matter of choice…whenever i feel sad and alone, i would like to think i must be happy. in that way, the sadness that engulfed me will not really consume me. i think im a lonely person still searching for the true meaning of happiness. it’s not as what we always equate it to…contentment..but anyhow, happiness can be felt i think for some moments but it will not be entirely true for the a long time….i hope i can feel that…soon.

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Ely August 13, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Happiness is when you forget about yourself and serve another human being.

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IVAN August 11, 2009 at 4:26 pm

HAPPINESS

IT IS WHAT WE ALL SERCH FOR EVERY SECOND OF OUR LIFE
NOT REALIZING THAT IT IS ALREADY WITHIN US, THIS FEELING WAS GIVEN TO US AT BIRTH.

NOW HOW TO REACH IN AND LET IT BE PART OF US SIMPLE MY DEAR FRIENDS,
JUST ALLOW YOU SELF TO FEEL HAPPY INSTEAD OF SERCHING FOR HAPPINESS.
WE HAVE THE CHOICE TO FEEL HAPPY EVERY MORNING OF OUR LIFE THAT WE ARE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO OPEN OUR EYES AND BE HERE IN THIS WORLD.

SO WHAT TO DO MY FRIEND IT IS ALWAYS UP TO YOU
CHOOSE WISELY

AND KEEP FEELING HAPPY :)

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Abhi August 11, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Doing what you like is freedom and liking what you do is happiness ….

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Michael Eisbrener August 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm

Moments of happy occur, some days more than others, and I am not unhappy… however most of the people in my life pursue happiness with a vengeance and are often disappointed with my indifference and sometimes animosity toward it. When in the moment the experience is what is and as soon as it is ‘noticed’ it disappears. There appears to be a ‘drug’ of choice for most people that covers up the essential sadness we are. Being with the sadness without making it mean anything calms me. I wonder sometimes if sadness and being alone is the essential human condition we are most afraid to discuss/be with. Having the experience of being ‘gotten’ is rare for me. All too often we are assigned a category, an explanation that puts us in our place and we are bound by it. Those who settle or are oblivious to being bound combined with their commitment to being ‘nice’ smother me.

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Maria August 10, 2009 at 6:07 am

I sincerely don’t know what happiness is, as of now I think the closest thing to happiness is contentment.

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Heidi August 9, 2009 at 10:04 am

for me happiness is astonishment and gratitude

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Maria August 8, 2009 at 7:05 pm

Happiness is to know what you want and having so much faith in yourself that you know you’ll get there.
Happiness is believing in yourself. However, sometimes we let the dark night fall upon us for a moment.

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