As Elvis Presley says : “Are you lonesome tonight?” and when you’re alone, what do you really do? How do you deal, how do you cope with yourself? Is it a burden? Or is it for you a way to dive deep into your soul and understand yourself? In my case, it’s both.
Sometimes I feel really alone, and I have no one to talk to. Sometimes there is this moment that I really need to be alone and to understand what’s going on, not in the world, but within myself. So, your thoughts on loneliness, that very very strange feeling that once a day or a week, we do feel.
Love,
Paulo
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Sad to say maybe but I’m happy to know I’m not alone. This posting actually brought some comfort to my situation. I appreciate you and what you wrote. Thank you.
I used to be a lion. Fearless. I had many friends, Many Mirrors reflecting me. I grew up, I experienced disappointments, I guess you all did. I have a very bad relation with my parents, I moved out at the age of 16 and although I tried several times through forgiveness I could never built a healthy relation to them. And so I’m here, allone in my appartment “googleing” a way out of my emotinal labyrinth. None of my relationships lasted longer than 2 Months. When I work I’m fine. But when I’m allone it overcomes me out of nothing. I feel cold, and small like a child, I cry hard. It does not stop there, it turns to fear of life and existential fear. It’s like my hole life is passing by theoretically. “Nobody is hearing you, Nobody ever will. You will never be happy. The only way to get fulfillment is through your job or materialism. You are by yourself.” And then there is this empty feeling, you feel like a blank sheet. It’s overwhelming.
Your words are so powerfull. They overwhelm me. I wish you love
2012 has been my lonliest since Feb 1999. Loss of my small family -not thru death- and loss of certain friends because they always move along to a better relationship has left me wondering did I make a wrong turn along the road of life? What did I do or not do to myself to become so lonely? What’s so wrong with me that I don’t feel loved even by those who say they do love me? Thick, solid walls are up and only crumble a bit at weak, alcoholic moments. I work hard at being outside of myself and showing others that I’m fine – the pressure of doing this is great but must be done. Late at night, when I’m done pretending and alone in bed that lonley monster creaps into my bed and makes my mind destroy the goodness in me a little bit more. I know I’m a good person but self doubt is destroying me. Daylight typically brings a positive, self driven feeling and I tell myself, today my old life will be back but soon that fades away as the minutes turn into hours. If you love someone, tell them often and promise never to let them feel this way.
Il vero senso di solitudine è quello che si prova fra la gente.Diverso è quando lo è per scelta.Ritornare a stupirci ,emozionarci,ci renderebbe molto meno soli.
I think being lonely is a curse. I believe that most people in the world, no matter how poor, weak or a vulnerable they may be, can achieve anything, literally anything, they wish. If only they have somebody to talk with, to share, to communicate. The most diffcult thing becomes much easier if we do not face it alone.
In my case i find really hard even to experiece the most beautful things in the world, like nature, when i dont have somebody standing by me to share what i see, to talk about it, to make comments… all these things that transform one from being a mere observer of an event to actually experience it.
I won’t pretend to understand lonliness, that is for men far greater than I. I just wanted to say that as I try to balance myself along the abyss I feel myself falling in. There doesn’t seem to be enough love in the world to shine light on my soul. Your words are exactly what I needed to hear at this moment. I’ll look deeper in hopes to find the real cancer.
To embrace loneliness is the chance to go deep into oneself, reflect and dream. It may be burdensome because having others as your vessel to express your loneliness is far different than having only your self. But as an individual, sometimes, we just have to get away from the outside world and deal w/ our inner dreamy world. Just like what Charles Baudelaire said, “To dream magnificently is not a gift given to all men, and even for those who possess it, it runs a strong risk of being progressively diminished by the ever-growing dissipation of modern life and by the restlessness engendered by material progress. The ability to dream is a divine and mysterious ability; because it is through dreams that man communicates with the shadowy world which surrounds him. But this power needs solitude to develop freely; the more one concentrates, the more one is likely to dream fully, deeply.”
Sometimes people choose loneliness to reflect and try to understand what is happening in their inner world. This is such a wonderful practice to have during times of crisis or even as a regular practice just to connect with one-self.
However, at times when reflecting on the practice of self reflection, I can see that it can be somewhat self indulgent when thinking about groups within our community who have little to no contact with anyone and do not choose to be lonely because they may be olderly (have no family due to their passing), disabled or socially isolated and would love to have interaction with others. Jen
I was once a loner inside and out. loneliness is part of our life that are in need to be expressed by oneself. this starts by evaluating your inner being or self examining from the past experiences that creates a depressing eerie to you since the beginning of your first fault. hiding this feeling may leave a mark on you forehead that causes your sanity and consciousness to think of your self worth not living for. but there are some loneliness causes just a moment of depression…. that’s what loneliness is all about through me. till now I’m still trying to erase this supper feeling of loneliness…
La soledad es una cosa fea
los momentos más oscuros tu vida
caminar a través de él se siente como su constante caminar sobre vidrio
Prefiero correr a través de esta oscurida
He caminando durante años y ahora es cuando el dolor me ha dolido
No puedo caminar más …
I like being alone at times…..but not lonely!!
I know that feelings too, that’s why I decided to quiet going to psycologist coz I could not even told them what’s bothering me…sometimes I said 2 myself what I’m doing to my self? I rather be alone and I did, but after that… here I am I learn to communicate with internet even though, I was insane in the beginning but not anymore I think..So I am in the right place and in the right time i guess…just in time, * they said life begin at 40* so here I am alive…thanks to the modern technology…Life is full of craziness or even more worse better than dying in loneliness…hahaha!
Ik voelde me niet eenzaam tot dat ik een vluchteling werd.
En,wat was mijn redding in dit situatie: 1)zorg voor mijn twee kinderen en 2).ik was een persoon die voelde zich veel, veel liefde terwijl ze groeide, wiens hart had kracht, en is nog steeds vol liefde, en heeft zelfdiscipline om nooit te eenzaam te zijn…
Mijn lieve Paulo, het wordt tijd voor een nieuwe boek met thema:
vluchteling, vreemdeling zijn.
When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There’s a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark
Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone
It’s hard to believe that you Mr.Coelho get lonely and have no one to talk to sometimes, but we are always here with you:) Yes I know, contrary to our beliefs famous people get lonely too.
Loneliness can be a blessing and a burden, and for me it’s both too. Sometimes I want to be alone by choice and sometimes I am alone and I don’t want to be.
I embrace my loneliness to get in touch with God, because that is the best way to talk to Him. I read where I am always taken away to a different places and times created by authors through books and poetry. I listen to music which ever singer fits my mood, whichever composer sooths my needs. I watch movies, I have couple I love to re-watch like “Immortal Beloved”, “English Patient”, “Seven Years in Tibet”, some Polish movies, one that I found recently is Italian movie called “Father Pio” (Padre Pio, Miracle Man (2000)) this movie if you ever get a chance to see it is beautiful and everytime I watch it I cry. What can I say I’m a woman I cry a lot watching movies:)
I visit my father’s grave and I talk to him, I remember him. I talk to my husband, I play with my son, although he’s getting to the age where he doesn’t want to be hug or kissed anymore, I still squeeze what I can.
Sometimes my loneliness is so overwhelming I just cry. Reading your blog and always finding something that uplifts me is part of dealing with my loneliness too:)
God Bless You and know that you are never alone:)
With love
Barbara
Hi there Coelho,
I understand the subject of this discussion but chose to move away from the question and instead post to you a short peice of writing. Hope you like it.
A Void
I feel a void
A void so empty
Emptiness fills the void
A question presents itselt; why am I I ?
Another asks, how can emptiness fill the void that is in me that makes me, me?
And then many more questions; where did it come from? when did it come? how did it come and how did i not notoce it? Was I already empty before the void or was the void accompanied by empty?
LA SOLEDAD NOS SIRVE PARA PONER ORDEN NUESTRAS IDEAS PARA HACER EVALUACIONES DE NUESTRA EXISTENCIAS PARA ARREGLAR LAS COSAS CUANDO ESTAN ROTAS ETC. SINCERAMENTE CREO QUE SI ES BUENO UN POCO DE SOLEDA, PERO CUANDO ESTA SE CONVIERTE EN UN PROBLEMA DE TRISTEZA Y DESESPERANZA DEBEMOS GRITAR PEDIR AYUDA, CONVERSAR CON NUESTRA FAMILIA DE LO QUE NOS ESTA OCURRIENDO. ENTONCES LA SOLEDAD AUTOMATICAMENTE NOS DEJARA LIBRES. GRACIAS PAULO POR TUS PREGUNTAS
The moments of loneliness gets me meaning of things around me n things about my past.i feel like diving deep inside me and knowing what i want.It is a way to spend time with your ownself and to see ur inner scars and finding ways to heal them…
As from reading ur books paulo, i got to know that things are actually the way we see them.we have the power to see the both aspects of everything.
As individuals we are born alone and will die alone
I didn’t feel lonely until I fell in love and suddenly it made me so aware of how alone I am.
this is what i feel too right now. I was depressed when i met this guy, i fell in love with him. he didn’t made me feel alone. i asked him not to leave at times when i am so down. but then i did something wrong and so he told me we’re in a cool off and this made me feel so alone again. i sent him messages, called him but he does not seem to care. and i cannot start to fully move on, because he only said it was a cool off and for me, it means that he is just going to think and he is coming back. but, should i wait for his come back?
I hope Mr. Coelho you will write about moving on from a break-up.
I think people got the wrong notion when they think you’re lonely when you’re alone.I don’t think I’m lonely nor crazy when I go to the movies alone,I eat in the restaurant alone, or I travel alone.People tend to misunderstand this.I’m a person who can be alone for a long time and can stand it and I’m also a person who can be with many people and can stand it.I think it’s good to be with many people first.I grew up in a big family,in an extended family,and I felt my family’s love since I was young and my relatives and friends poured their love on me and I loved them back.Now that I’m an adult and I have to ba alone in my journeys,,because their love is always a part of me and I carry it everywhere,,I don’t think I need to be with someone or I need to go party in order to be happy.I don’t need to go out everyday in order to be happy.Happiness is innate for me, discipline too as you said my dear Paulo,is fundamental.In my opinion,a person who has felt much much love while she was growing,whose heart is still filled with love and has self-discipline at the same time can seldom if never be lonely.
awesome… your story is the same of my story… i like to be alone and in a crowd but i really prefer to be on my own…
I think that the word loneliness is generally looked down upon, which is a shame. I think
having the ability to be alone is impressive, as so many people fear it.
I think that it is important for all people, some more than others, to be alone now and then, to be able to hear their hearts. It is not possible when there is noise around you all the time.
Lonliness can be two things first, the feeling of voidness inside of you and that no one understands you, even people that are close to you. Second, spending some quality time witn yourself to do things more productively, think over things like life, problems and solutions. being lonely is a way out of everything all the complications in life and creating your own world of fantasies imagining what you could achieve. Lonliness is not such a bad thing as everyone at some point is alone but spending too much time alone will endup causing you to become anti-social and spend time away from people and you will reduce your level of communication.
At the end you should embrace the lonliness instead of running away from it and being fearful being alone sometimes is much better.
For me that is a tough one. I am by myseelf quite often (more than not) and most of the time it is fine. I have timee to think about things. I have time to do things, but the tsrange thing is that I find it very difficult to get myself to become still enough inside to become creative. This is a battle for me. A type of irrational fear. I wish I can learn to conquer that mountain & ride the pegasus. So, yes, for me it is both also.
i think loneliness is a way point we reach in our consciousness when we are purposeless or lost or sometimes is it natural to feel that way because it gives u a chance of self reflection and correct yourself
loneliness is an option..if we choose to be happy then we can, if we choose to be alone and lonely, then we can..it is likewise, a matter of decision and making our options.
Loneliness is easier to deal with when you are ‘alone’ by choice, or if the feeling is fleeting in a crowd. When ‘loneliness’ is part of everyday living, when your access to other humans is reduced through circumstance or age and you have no control over it, then it is a different beast altogether. Who said you can busy yourself living, or busy yourself dying? Try busying yourself with anything when all you want is to share the moment with another human being, another body, another voice, another soul and all that is available is a radio, a TV or a book. Knowing who you are and accepting the situation does not reduce the power loneliness has to bring you down. You only have a greater understanding of what brought you to this place to begin with. The knowing might still not be able to change what is here in this moment.Prayer? You can only pray for so long. That too is another solitary experience if the guidance you seek evades you.
Loneliness can be looked at in two ways..you can choose to be alone..in my case i love nothing better than lying on the open terrace and watching the birds and clouds in the everwidening expanse of blue..it is such a beautiful and indescribable experience..this i wouldnt call loneliness..this is more voluntary..a need to be alone..to know yourself..loneliness can also mean the despair you feel deep down when you people really dont understand you..
To Linda
I can identify with most of what u said…thanks for articulating it in better words that I would have done..just want to add to it the feeling of lonliness that comes when u feel you are mostly not in your element…when u feel you just don,t belong…and when it goes for so long that lonliness becomes accepted as a way of life cause you just don,t see life through the same lens as others!!or maybe there might be people who do, but you just haven,t been lucky to meet them yet…
You know, Linda. You know.
I’ve come to learn of late that as long as the earth turns, loneliness will always be among us, haunting us every chance she gets. The only way I’ve found I can deal with these “upsets” is to befriend them. Since she’s here and she’s clearly not going anywhere, we might as well be friends. I talk to her, take walks with her. She has a lot to teach me, so I listen, I don’t always agree, but I listen. As my friend, she also sometimes listens to me. At times she’ll pop by at the worst of times, I tell her how I love her, but right now, how busy I am, usually with my loved ones. She came today, on Mother’s day, a day I was to spend with my husband and wonderful son, I asked her pleasantly to go away, I’ll gladly see her another time, I did remember to remind her how I love her though. She is wise. I value her.
There is a fine difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Being alone is not necessarily a bad thing. I love being alone. I’m at peace. I think, I contemplate, I introspect, I daydream and I love it all! I need to be alone. I’m an artist!
But loneliness that lurks within is a curse.
The only cure to this curse is Prayer. Prayer gives rest to the chaotic mind inside.
It’s this chaotic mind that attracts loneliness.
Everyone is alone in his personal world… although we meet constantly people who cross and sometimes influence our lives, we are alone.From the moment we are born to the moment we die – we are alone in the unique way we see the world, in our dreams, secrets, hopes. We choose what part of that lonely world to reveal to others, trying to fit in social norms. Nevertheless, at the end of the day…the seconds before we fall asleep we are alone… no matter who is ling next to us to say good night and what part of our world he/she has seen. In the silence we are there alone with the only person we really know – ourselves.
I don’t think loneliness is something we should try cope with…it’s not a problem in a first place. Interactions with others are a neccessity to keep our phsyhological, social and even maybe physical development. But loneliness is something that can occure even when we’re in the middle of a crowd. It’s just something we all have inside us and it doesn’t mean “I have nobody to talk to”… it means “There is nobody who can understand me the way I understand myself”. And that’s just the way it is, a normal thing which all of us should except. Actually I find it kind of great to know that whitin me there is a world existing only for me, which only I know. And what’s more exiting – every single person around me has his own world and although it may be the most wonderful place in the world, he feels lonelt cause he can’t show it entirely to noone else.
so true… you spoke my words…
wow…i like wht you said.its exactly wht i feel.
luv ur insights..
Dilyana,
Man so nicely said , I like it.
Wow… I have never heard an answer to the issue of loneliness that has really given me some comfort, until I read your post. Thank you for your wisdom x
Loniless… sometimes I cant understand why I feel lonely. There are a lot of people around me, but still… something is missing.
Sometimes it seems as if this feeling disappeared and I feel happy, but then it returns… and I feel lost again. Why? I dont know.
when can you really say that u were able to finally cope up?
I think the question is what do you do when you feel lonely for a really long time, humans go through emotions all the time and we learn to deal with them as the earth turns but what do you do when loneliness has been haunting you for so long.. it feels like forever..
Good question wish I new the answer
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