As Elvis Presley says : “Are you lonesome tonight?” and when you’re alone, what do you really do? How do you deal, how do you cope with yourself? Is it a burden? Or is it for you a way to dive deep into your soul and understand yourself? In my case, it’s both.
Sometimes I feel really alone, and I have no one to talk to. Sometimes there is this moment that I really need to be alone and to understand what’s going on, not in the world, but within myself. So, your thoughts on loneliness, that very very strange feeling that once a day or a week, we do feel.
Love,
Paulo
{ 1000 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
Next Comments →
This is an opportunity to plunge into the soul and the ability to sort out what is happening around and in yourself. And sometimes it is a feat to be able to accept this state … I have a very long time to sink into this feeling and the fear of a very disturbed life, it turned out that even fate itself helped me in this. Then I was afraid only that I find those who will be good, those who can be trusted (until then too particularly any who are not trusted).
“With you when something like that happened?” You’re lying in bed with his hands squeeze the two pieces of blankets, listening to music and are sad, through the places where the sky is spangled with stars and the Milky Way divides the sky, where the yellow leaves on the ground and on trees would be filled with all your soul the freshness of the autumn…, where the terrain is littered with stones and filled with magical powers and you so want to touch them, read them, there where you can never join his foot. A thing is worth two hours earlier off PC and listen to what is happening, read the part of the story “Little Life” (about the artist, is very touching but sad story) … and take something from which ran all the time. Loneliness. ” (writing in my blog 25 Oct, 2007)
Loneliness:
Meanwhile when i asked this question to myself “am i alone?”.
Surprisingly it reacts to tune of sadness.
yes. I am alone. I feel alone. I am affected by loneliness.
So what i am encircled by my near and dears, so what i am more adorable,sometimes i also undergo passive experience of loneliness. Sometimes it really hurts and sometimes it bursts out the reason of its existence.
Once in my school days i read a poem by some anonymous poet on loneliness. The poem is based on a man who imprisoned in an island. He is all alone. At that time man says “I would love to see the herd, if I have wings. i will prefer to settle a hut amongst premises of a war, rather than to live in solitude in a palace”.
Its a great poem i ever read. when i see myself on that man’s place, I really mean what the loneliness is.
I think it is that which our happiest feeling in a secret place and we addicted to it unless and until a caring hand came up saying “don’t worry, I am here”.
love & smile.
*** R@jesh***
Life has given so much….more than what some one can ask for..I had friends then, I have them now …I have my parents..I have my sis, I have a lover to…Yet I feel I have no one…People who don’t matter to me are happy around me..the one whom I want to keep happy…are left unhappy…all my efforts just go in vain..both of us are in pain…he says…I know you wont change …hence I have stopped expecting too…whom do I tell ….its hurting me!
deepa…have u read “Brida” by paul coehlo…if not then do read..and as per the book’s view….u havent found ur soulmate…dats y u still feel alone;-)
and as much as i know life…u will have to keep urself as real as possible…to make others happy….do wat u feel like doing to make others happy…yet u will still have to define ur limits for doing sommething for others…dont make them take u for granted…if u do alot for others to be happy u will never acheive wat ur striving for…balance is wat makes u satisfy…and at last…try to make urself happy and others will feel the same for & from u.
yes I get those sprang of loneliness at regular intervals.It can happen anywhere at anytime. It surfaces like a wave and envelops you around like a ONDULACAO and presses heavily on you.You feel so hopeless there is nothing much you can do, it can be pretty oppressive, sometimes it is necessary other time unwarranted.
I think with the busy world that we all live in… We tend to just go and go and sometimes not think of the actions or decisions we made. Having the alone time gives us the time to understand and make clear any scattered thoughts that makes us feel unease… Yes it does makes me feel lonely at times though I’m not sure if I’m right or not but in theory I guess it’s how we our warn or make known of ourselves of our unresolved issues, fears, doubts or probably a caution like a feeling that the alone time does helps bringing out clarity and understanding…
I agree loneliness is a burden and a call to go deep into our souls.What drives me insane are the fears that are generated in our heads as a consequence of this.
It brings us closer to God that is the positive I see.
i think there are times when you need to be alone just so you can think of the things that had happened with your life. it’s the time to rethink of how your life will be. polish yourself
Sometimes I like to be alone, and that’s good. But loneliness…. I don’t like it.
Somone said that anything you bring to loneliness grows within it. If you bring sadness then it grows, if you bring a burning desire to gain more knowledge and wisdom then it grows. The choice is yours… The gift of being able to accept loneliness and make the most of it is indeed precious (irrespective of how long it lasts).
I always thought about myself as a loner. But one day when i started to walk srtaight and open my eyes, I asked myself: How can someone be a loner if theres just so many people around… so many undiscovered personalities and secrets. Just be part of it and you feel lonely no more.
But when I’m alone, I start to look for something to do… like right now… reading and surfing in internet, after I have to read a book… and then when I’m too lazy for anything, think about myself… and think about my life… what I did wrong today … How to get over my fears…
I’m the kind of person who smiles and always says: “I’m fine, everything is just perfect” , even when my lifes going downhill.
The better you know yourself, the more you are able to forgive yourself…………dont know how much i m alone beciouse i dont listion my inside and my inside is so much alone
Hi Paulo,
I understand your question and your feeling. We are both “Baby Boomers”. You were born in 1947; I am a 1946 model. I tasted my worse loneliness when I was 17. The last son of a large family, it was customary that one of the male children should be offered to God and become a Roman Catholic Priest. That choice fell on me. Off I went to the Seminary School. Everything was going well; I was indoctrinated that God had chosen me to save souls and that I must accept celibacy and the renouncement of carnal pleasures as my commitment to the priestly vocation. Part of my work was to prepare the chapel for the mass. The small breads “Ostias” were prepared by the nuns. It so happened that the nun preparing it was a young novice. She was beautiful, almost an angel. Her body wrapped in nuns’ clothing was concealed but her eyes and her smile troubled me. Every day I asked God for forgiveness but the more and more I was looking forward to preparing the chapel. She seemed to also enjoy my presence. One day a small cloth fell and as we both tried to pick it up our bodies briefly touched. I said sorry but that night I could not sleep. That split second and the touch had been an eternity. The following day I noticed that she had not slept well either. As I repeated “Sorry for Yesterday”, she took my hand and said: “Lino, You will be a man of God and I will be a woman of God. But God has given us 24 hours in a day. Can’t we ask God to allow one hour for ourselves and dedicate the other 23 to His service?” That day I could not go for communion. I went to confession. The priest, my Confessor, put me through an interagatory worse than the Inquisition. I never saw the Novice Nun again. I was told that she had been transferred but I did not know where. I fell into a terrible depression. My soul was filled with Emptiness, Solitude. Nothing had meaning anymore. My only escape was to WRITE. OPEN UP MY FEELINGS onto paper. I had no diary. The paper was my confident friend; the ink was my blood flowing, my heart confessing onto a secret confidant and the more I wrote, the more present the Young Novice was. The Title was :”AS ENCRUZILHADAS DO AMOR”. My writings began to be published in the Magazine of the Seminary School and I had both: Poetry and Novel.
The Bishop asked me to see him and said that my writings were too vivid, too intense. I was to change the content. I tried but could not. I then asked a colleague to continue writing and transform the course of the novel. For another year I suffered of solitude. At last I had enough; left the Seminary School and emigrated to Africa. Today I am 63 years old. I have always been blessed with good health but the sparkle of friends has diminished and society demands and labels us as “OLD PEOPLE”. Something like “Expired by date”. I wonder how women feel as they grow old and their beauty vanishes. Do they feel the same loneliness? My escape route is to devote myself to Science. For you, Paulo, continue to write books. We cannot reverse age, neither can we demand Society to treat us other than “OLD PEOPLE”. You know as I do that it is not true; but we cannot change the rules, the perception. Hence loneliness. We must just accept the fact, adapt, smile and carry on. Estamos a gastar os nossos ultimos cartuchos. Solitude can be experienced at any age. It is devastating. I still go to Church; but as I light a candle I still wonder what happened to the Young Nun. She must be old like me. Her face must be full of wrinkles. But her eyes and her smile are certainly the same. After all does it matter what the body looks like? And Paulo, here goes how my novel “AS ENCRUZILHADAS DO AMOR” would have ended. Two people who did not belong to one another; who devoted all their life to the service of the Church; but who always had one hour for one another. She a Mother Superior and he a Cardinal.
Paulo, let us embrace solitude and loneliness with a smile and enjoy our ageing. Our Pilgrimage still has a long way to go.
Lino
Dear Lino,
touched with your words..i had to gain some courage to write something. Loneliness has became my fear. Since birth till dealth, i know its going to be with me. Do you know why? this is God’s punishment toraise voice against the average, being exceptional inside, doing something you are not supposed to do. I wish i were like the rest in my community. Each and every day passes by, and i die falling inside even more.
Can you tell me why it happens evenif i am just a young beautiful girl !
I never alone my soul is always with me!!
Love & Light
hi paulo,
Loneliness is my best friend after your books. I love to be alone atleast for a few minutes a day. I don’t have many friends but i have a few friends who are very best and the only wealth i possess in my life.
When I am alone, I am most happy, it is the time I meet my best friend that is ME.
Shakespeare said, “Listen to your heart atleast once a day, otherwise you will miss your best friend in this world”. so i don’t want to miss my best friend…
Regards,
sajeer
i agree with wat paulo says bout lonliness
it is a burden but then u really do learn about yorself wen u r alone!
u understand yourself better.
and i remember he posted one message on twitter
16/12 The better you know yourself, the more you are able to forgive yourself
i agree with this post!
Loneliness is just sitting under your tree listening to your inner voice.Nothing to be scared or worried about.
Loneliness is like a parked car,the owner will be back soon!
Loneliness is just sky without the birds,but you can still hear them sing.
Or just listen to ‘Lonely Ranger’ by URBAN DESERT
“When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone…” -Tenneesee Williams
I like that!! ;)
The most horrible feeling of being alone happened to me in London when there were millions of people around me but I just felt so alone as if there is nobody at all. And I’m sure quite a bunch of people there feel the same.
I wish us all a Merry Xmas and not a LONELY one…
I was moved by the ideas here and 2 months ago, I created a blog regarding this and I just wanna share this to you all…
THE ART OF TRUE HAPPINESS
I am lonely. This is the hypothesis on the predicament that I am trying to analyze lately. For the past 8 months, I have never questioned myself if my way of thinking is still normal like others or if my behavior has changed me all the way not until recently. Is it because I am miles away from my family and friends? Maybe it is brought by the craving to have freedom again? Might it be because I do not have enough people to talk to with the realities in life or simply because I am alone? That is it. Maybe the last word I used is the conclusion. Perhaps, it could still be a pigment of my illusion?
Right now my soul is starting to get somewhere- in an old place where I used to find tranquility and free from any worries, doubts and fears. A fortress where I could be me and the only thing that matters is my own happiness.
Loneliness and happiness. Two dreading words. Someone asked me before if what we were doing is right to satisfy our own happiness or is it just because we were being mesmerized by the idea that we have someone now whom we can share with our own sufferings and understand every struggling moment that we are trying to overcome. And the only bottom line is that we are indeed lonely. But come to think of it, if there are so many people who are also lonely, isn’t it selfish enough to be lonely alone?
Joseph Condrad once wrote: Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion.
When you feature happiness, what enters your mind? Do you imagine yourself surrounded by countless green money and gold bars? Is it when you had your first bicycle when you were a kid? When your crush finally asked you out for a date? When you got exempted on the final exam because you got a high grade on previous ones? Maybe when you were spending most of your weekends until wee hours in the morning with your friends just giggling about silly jokes and talking nonsense? Could it also be when your family gave you a surprisingly present without any particular reason? Maybe because you were able to achieve something you were not expecting? Or simply because it comes from within and you cannot give any reason why you should not to.
Months ago, I was too scared to plan out my life. When I realized that I was able to overcome it, I became confident enough to allow what it has to offer more. I became selfish on the idea of “what if’s?”. I somehow became who I was not expected to be. I was able to do things which I thought I could not. I had allow all the forms of emotion to conquer me and be capable of describing myself as an extreme. But as I look back on the path where my journey started, I realized that I might be two steps forward, but my soul is still longing for the same place where I find security.
Maybe these feelings have greatly affected my way of thinking now. Maybe this loneliness became my stepping stone to pursue what I really want in life. This might have push me to look forward on the days when happiness will surprisingly be next to me already. And then I wondered, I should not let my own fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. I should not let the hero in my soul perish in lonely frustration for the life I deserved and have never been able to reach. The world I desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is mine. Only on His time. And only if I believe in believing it.
Most of us find ourselves in the crossroads. Either way we go, there is still a dead end. Only if we allow ourselves to go that way, then we will not be able to find the right street. Who says life is easy? No matter how long our journey is, our destination is where we will be leading to. Just be patient. Do not allow yourself to have your own tick-tack of the clock. My favorite quote is this from Kung Fu Panda- “Quit, don’t quit. Noodles, don’t noodles. You’re too scared of what’s next and what will be. Yesterday’s a history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that’s why it is called a present”.
Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, you didn’t know what to believe? Someone also made me realize that my dreams should not be a dream forever. If I permit myself to convert it to a plan instead, then I am allowing possibility as number one in my checklist. This guy made me realize that I can do it anytime I want it to. Though it offers a lot of pressure and tons of perseverance, I know God will also be with me. I just have to help myself and let Him takes care of the rest.
One more thing i realized, if I permit myself to let the pain or fear forever consume the entire me, then i will not be able to find the key to the door that awaits me. If I also allow myself from drowning into the ocean, then there will also be no chance for me to do something at present for tomorrow will be a great opportunity to be the best that I can be.
Have you asked yourself about the purpose on why you are here up to? Many people are afraid to face death for they might not be ready yet. I tell you what. If you were already able to understand the language of the world, then you might be able to welcome death anytime. Through happiness you could be.
Have you also ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world? Or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives for better or worse.
Life is an everlasting journey. People always leave. It is also part of that journey. If you know how to play the game, then you are on the right track. If you don’t then you’re it.
Regret is the worst enemy that we might not be able to hug. It is also the world’s biggest lie and might just poison our whole system. Live your life to the fullest. Believe in overcoming your fears and trust yourself that you can rule everything.
I have a “Pupu Girl Friend”. She knows me exactly the way I knew myself or maybe I do not. She keeps on making things evident enough for me specially when it seems too blurry to visualize those. She feels my fear when I am scared, she hears my anger when I am mad and she knows when I should be strong when weakness is knocking on my door.
She just made me realized recently that though I might be 5 hours behind their time, I will not allow kryptonite to weaken my ability to become a superwoman of my own story and that I still have this fortress of solitude… in my heart and in my soul. That is where the real art of true happiness is.
….much, much and muchly thought; blessed contemplation and introspection. Of these things you have spoken, I will bend my will to mention fear:
Don Juan Matus said something rather profound about fear. It is one of the four obstacles to learning (Fear; Clarity; Power; Old Age) and the first to be overcome. Fear emerges as we begin to learn (or become, which is the process of true learning). Our thoughts clash because what we learn isn’t what we set out to learn and what we encounter in that process is something much more. Fear rears its head around every turn and if we run, we will never overcome it or find that path to the knowledge we seek. The only way to overcome it is to be fully afraid and yet take that next step. Fear is both an oppressive obstacle and a teacher. Once we see (truly understand) that, we can move beyond it, it ceases to stop us.
As for happiness, I believe it is best explained as not being in the owning or acquiring of things but in the being part of things. Loneliness precludes that at times, but loneliness is really just a way of telling ourselves that we really need to be a part of ourselves. All of the things you are feeling are completely valid and should be viewed with your most objective eye, understood without judgment and released. I sense that there is much dwelling in your past that you have not allowed to fall away.
Why are you so far away from your family and friends? I too am a long way away; almost exactly 1/2 of the world away, and struggling with the lessons of my past and some attempt at a logical understanding of the future and yet somewhere inside, longing to connect with only this moment. I left my world to find my way. What have you done?
One thing I understand, a wicked immitation of wisdom is fear. We learn the consequences of the things we do (either directly or indirectly) and fear prevents us from experiencing life. This is particularly relevant within the auspices of love, where we tend to fear the opening of our oft injured hearts to anyone. I am struggling to differentiate the two and maybe you are too.
Wish you the best of luck in your journey. Whatever path you are on, it is NOT a dead end… ever. Every path has value and a lesson and a new direction (even if it may be backwards). The frog may return on his previous path but a frog cannot ever move backwards and thus he teaches us that even following your footsteps back requires moving forward.
best of luck…
My family will always be loving ad there for me willing to listen and confort me, but aside from them, When i am alone, and not just for a moment, but when theres actually no one in my life i can talk to and know i can trust, the feeling doesnt actually put me down or depresses me. I feel calm and free from may problems and unnesesary issues. Sometimes though, i can feel some kind of empty feeling, like when im really hungry, thats when i wish theres was someone to talk to, after that minute of looking into te real deal inside i feel calm and sweet, being alone feels like a paradise.
I agree with you.. it is both… a burden and a way for us to go deeper into ourselves. I honestly don’t like it and it makes me sad to be lonely, yet, I know you can’t force frienships and relationships…they happen when they happen. I guess I cope by trying to do what I enjoy, such as watching my recorded TV shows, going on-line, reading, playing with my dog. Sometimes I become depressed about it and simply curl up in bed and am lonely. Sometimes a vodka tonic is in order… :)
i did not feel or consciously aware of the loneliness creeping in over the past 6 months or so, but the intensity of it is getting so strong sometimes i have to slow it down for some soul searching. and i am still trying to understand myself. i have come across two very meaningful and yet somewhat sad quotes today. one is that when there are no one to hear, there is no need to speak. and another from you, so sad, yet so true – that you can’t force friendship / relationships, they happen when they happen.
Lonliness, feeling thats probably rooted in me, though many people dont know or understand cause I m quite a social and tallkative person. But lonliness follows me when I leave the company and close the door…. There are 2 kinds of loneliness that I experience one that I enjoy, when I have a lot of stress and have a lot to do with other people I just pack my things and go to our weekendhouse- thats the feeling of loneliness that I cherish and enjoy. Than there is feeling of loneliness almost bordering with depression, its when I have the feeling that there are few people who like me and too many that I have lost….
I m always there for my friends but unfortunately only were few are there for me and that makes me sad and lonsome…You know I always wanted to have it like in those movies on tv- groups of friends that party together but also cry together and support each other- I know that it was kind of childish and naive, but well people mature and learn….
And I realised that I m not that into party and that I dont have such group friends, I have few good ones but some of them still study, some of them work and somehow we seldom manage to get together… They live and I think a lot about life, maybe that’s the problem, who knows….
I have this weekendhouse and since I was rebuilding it with my parents I thought, that when it will be ready I will be having there weekends together with my friends or a loved one. I had there one of my friends and my german friends thats true, but I wanted to enjoy it also with my schoolfriends from university but it never came to that…..and I m single so I never used it for a romantic weekend or holiday though I would love to.
Loneliness-coursed and welcomed at the same time…..
I tried so much to please people to fit, to creat those „movie friends circles“….now I m starting to accept things and maybe believe that it will change sometimes. Though I m thankful for the few really good friends that I have. But I guess that the society is the one who pushes people to be even more aware of the loneliness- every commercial shows couples, movies are about the couples, people invite to parties mostly couples, even that trivial thing like Barbie had Ken, and every princess has some prince charming and once u dont have it you feel the pressure from all sides thats traying to tell you that there is something wrong with you…. There is nothing wrong apart of the feeling beeing left outside alone…
I have been experiencing even bigger loneliness this year, I have lost my beloved grandmother- the woman that raised me up, the woman that thought me a lot about life, the woman that lived in our house and thought me how to cook, she wasnt only my grandmother she was also my friend. Very few people in this world can understand that loss because most of the people doesnt have the connection-the bond to a grandparent or to older people at all. I have loved here over everything, and this last year since I was finishing my university studies I have spent a half of the semester at home writing my thesis and living my everyday routine with her. We had breakfest together I gave her pills, than we cooked together the lunch and than I went upstairs and worked in our flat on my thesis….I have been with her through a lot and I know that she loved the days we were together….
Than the worst thing happened that I would never ever wish even to my enemy….she died while I was in the USA visiting my sister, and we couldnt go to her funeral….I cried my heart out that day I got an email that she died… And I had to struggle and I m still struggling with the feeling that I wasnt there in the end……
This was the worst coming home from my travels that I have ever experienced….all what I have experienced in the USA was sort of washed away with the pain that I have lost her and even a bigger pain that I couldn’t support my mum and my dad on that day…..
The other day when I came home and stepped downstairs where she lived it was all clean but empty, even our cats that were her best companions were looking at me with sad eyes…. I know everyone will or have experienced loss in their life but this is very different and difficult to me…
I asked the old priest who made her funeral if he still has the speech he was giving…he had it and he gave it to my postbox yesterday….and even when I wasn’t there at the moment when he was saying that- through reading I was there, and it made me cry again because it was beautiful and I cant imagine that somebody would say it better than he did because he knew her half of her life…
She had maybe not much money in her life, but she had a big heart and she kept the door to our house always open…, she was the glue to our family and a living history book of our village.
Now I m more lonely than ever before….but I also start to hope and wish that it will come to the end, and I will lose my loneliness in someone s arms…..
I have once heard that a person without love is like a dead corps on vacation….and I think it isn’t that far from truth…and I don’t think about the society expectations, I m just thinking about having the comfort of being loved- being important for someone and hear those 3 words that are unfortunately used so cheap these days….maybe I m an old fashioned romantic that’s not in anymore, but I m looking forward to wake up next to somebody and feel that you are complete, even be quiet together has a value…
I hope that one day I will be loved and I will love…..
Please forgive yourself for not being there when your grandmother passed away. You spent so much quality time with her when she was alive and that was so important to her. She felt so loved when you were there. You are a beautiful person and one day I know that you will be loved and love again the way you want. Don’t give up hope!
confia cierra los ojos y cree,quee pese a que el dolor es muy fuerte todo esto pasara,,,,,, todo en la vida pasa, y ya veras seras amado y recordaras este momento con nostalgia, . imagino que una gran liberacion as sentido en este momento cuando escribiste todas estas cosas, pero confia,todo psa de bajo del cielo……………….
Hi there ivana, i agree with you about that two kinds of loneliness that you may feel. The one that you can nurture and the one that can make you sick. Yes, sometimes, that feeling of loneliness that we called just can`t be avoided. To be honest, sometimes, even if you almost have everything you need in life, it simply not enough to say that we wouldn`t be able to feel that way and be completely and confident to say that you are not feeling any loneliness after all. `Coz as how some people said, things are very much uncertain. There will be times that we’ll be the center of attention and then later the day, noone even recognize us. Or sometimes feeling of missing people adds up, but you know for a reason why it happened so, `coz all of us are filling up our own lives just like any others and getting busy with own stuff..right? and by the way sorry to hear that, about your granny. but to be honest you have nothing to be sorry about for not being their so much on her side, `coz eventhough you`re not there physically, she knows how you feel about her. And just think that you made her happy while she`s living, even for those small efforts like having a cup of coffee or a meal with her. And that`s really something. And about that circle of friends that we usually see on movies and stuff, well, i may say that we don`t need to have a lot of those. I mean, yes it`s definitely good to have a lot of friends, but it`s not really necessary. Sometimes, you`ll tend to have a lot of it, but then only few can be called as true ones. As long as you can count onto somebody, or atleast you have someone to talk about with stuff, and ready to listen to yah, it worth more than tens or hundreds of so called friends that you can`t even reach out at tough times. And as long as you are good to people, i assure you, you`ll never be left out. And about being single, that`s okay. sometimes when were on that state, it also have it`s advantage, like for example, you`ll be able to notice things about you and focus on other stuff that can help you grow even more. Though there`ll be moments that you may feel so empty for not having a partner, and tend to be jealous with lovers around you. But that`s a part of it sweetie. It just takes time, maybe somewhere in time, it`ll surely come. Same here im also single, but then i felt okay. And at my age, though im not so old, im only 21, i can say that i may not have the enough experience to share and may not be an expert in this game called life, just wanted to share these thoughts with you, i hope it help you somehow. and i enjoy reading your post. take care :)
Hi, Ivana. I’m sorry to hear about your Grandma.
I read your post and I cried. Have been searching for so long, I finally found someone who feels the same feeling as what I feel all this time. I have felt so lonely recently as I feel like I am nothing for my friends, like I’m the one left behind. I do have the same feeling like you do when you say that you wanted to have friendship like in those movies on tv- groups of friends. That’s exactly what I’m hoping for for years. To have friends who will always be there for me no matter how far the distance is. But the fact is I feel like they have moved on without me. Feeling so lonely because there’s no one to talk to, who feels what I feel.
Then the part when you say that you will lose your loneliness when you have your beloved one, you put those words perfectly. I have no more words to picture the way that I feel all this time. That’s the thing that I’ve been longing for. For someone who can ease this pain. To feel love and be loved. And more, I feel like a dead corpse.
I know it might sound cheesy, but I am glad that there’s someone out there who truly feels what I feel. And as I read your post, I feel this bond with you. Thank you so much for the sharing.
I have had feelings of loneliness but i’m never alone. it is when i close off all avenues of communication even with my heart…and it aches so bad when i do that.I dont mind the pain much because i feel i deserve it. It is usually when am depressed and undecided or heart broken…as if something in me has died. Thankfully this doesnt last long. The warm presence of my angel assures me there’s a better way to deal with the issue and the sun shines again.
i appreciate its warmth even more.
A kaleidoscope experience.
To walk in peace.
To be free.
Without even the burden of a sect,
A thought.
What is it?
To wake, anew-
Without even the thought of newness.
Without rational,
Or justification
-to just wake up.
And to See.
Without having any kind of idea.
How is it?
Everything that im basing my se-cura on is quite baseless
How do we truly be Alive?
Without a reason-
Really without a reason-
Without a thought-
Without a care.
Without Fear.
Just being there-
PRESENT!
In itself.
I wonder if it’s possible.
I know that quite a few claim to be it.
But the actions that do stand out tells another story-
But as wit the emperors NEW clothes
Noone can see them but everyone feigns it,
Cause v r so sacred to think that v maybe the only ones who can’t see it.
it is touching to read so many peoples thoughts and feelings here.firstly thanku.some feel free to be alone and others feel lonely.
i feel, that the ending of concepts is the ending of loneliness.but that itself becomes another concept…:)
For me solitude comes with loneliness and its only perceived loneliness because I am alone in solitude. The only problem with this is that I became so comfortable that I turn into a hermit. This passage by Kahlil Gibran from the prophet describes how I feel during these moments of reflection of joy, sorrow and inspiration. This is taken from the end when he is saying farewell.
And some of you have called me aloof, and drunk with my own aloneness, And you have said, “He holds council with the trees of the forest, but not with men. He sits alone on hill-tops and looks down upon our city.”…..And others among you called unto me, not in words and they said, “Stranger, stranger, lover of unreachable heights, why dwell you among the summits where eagles build their nests? Why seek you the unattainable?….Come and be one of us…… In the solitude of their souls they said these things; But were their solitude deeper they have known that I sought but the secret of your joy and your pain, And I hunted only your larger selves that walk the sky……
hi,
lonliness is not a great feeling…but it does give us an oppurtunity to look and assess ourselves ,sometimes its great to be alone..but then i guess you are with yourself,one of the best companies u can find…when u want to share and have no one to share with, is the tough part.
we feel lonly when we are disconnected with ourselves too..what i wonder is how to retain aloneness?? and not be lonely too often .How not to be lonely is the question..and that does not mean to surround yourself with the crowd..
Was wondering if any one of us knows… any thots about this..pls share..
I have just lost the man I thought was my soulmate and I feel very lonely because I need someone to love and want to be loved. I am not young (54yrs) I found the best thing to do is to keep myself busy. Read inspirational books (Paul Coelho) and the bible, visit family, volunteer myself, give more of myself, help others, do the things you love to do, exercise (Walking to the beach), Get plenty of sun, feel the warm rays on your back and breathe the fresh air. Learn to love yourself and take care of yourself (eat healthily). It seems to be working for me. We must keep positive or we will fall into a deep depression. Never give up!
Only time I personally feel lonely is in a company of boring people :)))
Earlier I needed some kind of time and space for myself to be “alone”…away from everybody, but since I have met my husband who understands me completely and in the same time can be a great counterpart to me I have no need for such an “artificial” loneliness where I was the best interlocutor to myself and counterpart to my own ideas. He is actually even better in playing this part :) So a lot of people would say that it’s madness when people spend 24 hour together, working together and living together, having ideas together for quite some years… But if those think so they probably have never felt such a great unification with a person you love, that it feels that you are “the one”…never bored, never lonely :)))
Not really to the topic… but still…I believe that those people who are easily bored are boring people themselves because boredom as far as loneliness is a feeling mostly from inside of us and not from outside…
Hi Sir,
I one of your avid fan…
I read all your books, especially the Veronika Decides to Die..
Actually I was oblige to read the book it was a compulsory for our subject…..
then after I read it, I continues to read all your books.
Well how come that I’ve be the avid one????
because of the circumstances that when I read that book, I am in the middle of confusion which I realized it after I read it. The feeling of the loneliness and boredom was still there…I gave up all my friends I don’t do things right… and i don’t even look beyond my future…. then after I read you book I realized that things are worth it… It’s not just about my life… its about the people who I long to be with, to the people who gave me importance. and feel the love, surrounded to me…
I was thankful that my Professor give us a chance to be met U by your book’s and stories…………..
Hey Paulo,
this is the 1st time i’m writing to you…..
I am an absolute fan…..your book The Alchemist is the best book i’ve ever read…of course you’ve heard that a million times….i just wanna see if this is for real….will you really reply to this msg of mine…..i read this post of yours….bout Elvis’ ‘are you lonesome tonight’……i’m a huge Elvis fan….actually fan is not the word….i’m crazy bout Elvis….ever since i was a kid….i’m 24 yrs old now…..the song ‘are you lonesome tonight’ changed my life in an instant…..it was the 1st sign i recieved from the ‘universe’…..the 1st time i realized the world around me was alive …..can’t get into details now…..but twas just like in your book …the alchemist……the signs……so paulo,i want to know…..where from did you get the inspiration to write the alchemist….where did you get the guidance from …..it definately seems like a book that came from devine inspiration…..am i wrong….i really want to know man…!! i am in awe of ‘the alchemist’…..its the only book i’ve read thrice….and i’ll be reading it for the rest of my life…..i totally relate with the character…..i see parallels from the book in my own life….i love it…!! :) god bless you Paulo Coelho…!! Love you…!! :)
Durante a nossa caminhada, a certa altura, necessitamos estar sós.
Assim, conhecemo-nos a nós mesmos e aprendemos a conhecer as outras pessoas.
Só assim, encontramos o nosso verdadeiro EU… e só é solidão, se assim lhe quizermos chamar!
Amor e Luz!
It’s crazy isn’t it how millions of us on this planet can feel so lonely yet if we all let each other know we can all join together as one big group of friends. As the great Persian love poet, Hafez, once said: ‘sorrow is just a wall between two gardens’. It helps to communicate ad letting someone know at least… :)
For me, like others have mentioned here, i believe you can be alone without feeling loneliness, and you can experience loneliness when you are far from being alone.
I see neither as being a negative experience, though i think i only came to this realisation a few days gone after reflecting on my thoughts and feelings following a certain event in my life.
I do not mind being alone, i welcome that time to focus on my self and the inner workings of my mind. To process my thoughts and feelings, joys and doubts on recent events, and to ponder and allow myself some time to dream without sleeping. Time to study, reflect and tune into my inner self, my true self. To regain my sense of balance, and inner calm after a day that was most probably quite busy.
Generally, i feel most intense loneliness when in groups of people, whether that is among family, peers, or a town centre full of busy shoppers. Recently, I have realised that feeling isolated from the last of the above threeis actually a somewhat positive experience for me personally, and something that i am thankful for.
It hurts me to see mothers dragging their children, shouting and throwing threats about a lack of sweets or treats, or in some cases a smack, if they don’t hurry up, put that down, turn around, follow them…
Most of the children i see in these situations seem aged between 2-5. My heart aches. They are so young, and so vibrant, and still filled with such wonderment at this world they find themselves inhabiting, yet how much of it are they experiencing? It seems a lot of it is passing by in a blur to get to the next sale rack.
I by no means am unaware of the daily stresses and situations mothers face, and it is in no way my intention to insult, upset or offend anyone with what i have said above, so if i have, please forgive me, this is just my view on what is important to me, and not intentionally a judgement cast on any other person. I am still only young, and trying to feel comfortable with expressing some of my thoughts and feelings in the hopes of better understanding them.
I had my son a month before i turned 16, and am now 18 with my boy fast approaching 3. I know there is shopping to be done and bills to be paid and meals to be made and appointments to be kept, the list seems to go on and on…
But i have always tried to take my time, for me and my child to take our time. We stop to stare in amazement at the single daisy standing tall in the centre of the pavement, if there is something that catches our eye, we stop and take a picture, huge grins on our faces at the thought of seeing something beautiful, and experiencing it together, as we giggle and race eachother to get to the corner in time for the bus.
I am far from perfect, i would not want to be and i can accept that in at least one person’s eyes, i never will be. i will always make mistakes, but i will always accept that, and try to learn from them. I won’t succeed every time, but i will continue to try.
I do not want to be perfect, i want my child and myself to be happy and to be ourselves, and for this reason i have begun to welcome and am thankful for feeling somewhat isolated from that certain way of living. I never want to lose my enchantment, my fascination with the many beauties of this world, and my time alone is often spent with a smile on my face recollecting the things i have experienced, the things i am thankful for, and the things that i hope to acheive.
A period of time where i am alone is something that i will always treasure, and use in what i feel is the best way possible for me, and i am working on accepting the fear that accompanies the loneliness i sometimes experience when among my family and peers also.
Love and light,
Jet.
beautifully written and thought out jet.
cheers
k
Wow, you words are beautiful I had just broke up with someone that was one of the soul mates that we got on this life time,I was feeling a bit sad about it , but I’ve read your writting and you have put a big smile on my face.
Thank you
<3<3& light
Loneliness, I don’t think its really a burden, i guess we all just need to embrace it. And once we do that, it opens our souls to a new perspective of things. Sometimes things just need to happen and be experienced to have a better understanding of the world and oneself.
I have experienced loneliness, it comes in random moments of my life,
I guess after embracing it, I’m no longer afraid to face it. Because i know for a fact that this to shall pass, and it definitely happens for a reason. I may not get instant answers, but eventually I know I will.
As one author said in his book,
“Solitude is the nectar of individuality”,
and I believe him.
Oh that quote is very “street wise” I like it Thank you! :)
I fear loneliness and I’m still dealing with it. I just moved to a new country alone and don’t have friends. My friends, family and boyfriend are many miles away.
It’s so lonely sometimes I cry.
I try to avoid feeling lonely by watching movies and reading books. I have yet to embrace this loneliness and actually feel good about it.
You will recognize your strenght by the time you can withstand the lonlyness.
It is only in solitude and loneliness, with no distraction, that one can truly explore the mysterious nature of Life … it is in this lonely exploration that one is left breathless with questions … it is in this utter solitude that one sees all one’s follies … it is without distraction of any kind that one comes face to face with one’s soul.
And, loneliness and solitude are prerequisites for intimacy and companionship.
you are never alone-your angels always know where to find you
Hi Paulo,
I love being in my own space. It’s actually more stressing for me to be in large groups. When I’m feeling lonely it is usually in a crowd. I have my hubby, family and animal kids and they don’t expect me to perform or be who I am not; unlike the cultural expectations of etiquette/behaviour.
When I feel depressed it usually stems from anger and pain I feel. The anger and pain comes from what I see in the cruelty to other people, animals and even the planet. It is depressing what people or big business will do to our own neighbours for the almighty dollar. When this changes, I suspect depression will decline.
Soledad
Destrona la soledad al raciocinio,
sedienta de identidad no lo valora,
queriendo ser la dueña del castillo
quiebra la identidad y la destroza.
Es por eso que hoy recorro tu tristeza,
quiero que estés en compañía,
abrazo los lados de tu alma;
y lleno con mis ojos tu alegría..
rositas, febrero 2008.
I have always been alone but I am not lonely. For me alone and lonely consist of different feeling and both are quite opposite from each other. I was sent to a boarding school when I was 12 so being alone started from there. It is quite easy to be alone. You just need to be different than the rest and you have the space all by yourself.
Lonely is a state of mind. You can be in a large crowd or in a fiesta and still experience the nagging voice in your head that you don’t belong here. The voice will say that he’s sorry for you and you’re a pathetic person. You’re nobody and he will repeat that until you believed every single word.
I have backpacked around Europe alone and I don’t think I would do it any other way. There is a certain grace in being alone. There is an art of standing up to yourself and telling the voice inside your head that this is exactly what you want to do and you don’t need anyone else to make you feel happy. You can look other people in the eyes and smile. Such freedom only can be learned when you’re alone.
I think if you survived loneliness, then you don’t have anything else to be afraid of. You’re free!
lonely days are gone, and to come.
loneliness has ewerybody.
lonely cats, in the free world.
I equate loneliness with depression. When I feel depress that is when I want to be alone. All other times I feel happy and want to be in the company of others. There are times when I need to find solitude to gather my deepest thoughts and pull myself up for whatever will come my way good or bad.
Hi Paulo
Loneliness for me is a burden, feels like a cross I have to carry and i dont know what to do with it. I think lately it is a suffering which i must endure and offer it up for the good of others, i dont know!! Although i love at times to be alone, loneliness is different its a place i dont like to be and it is not where i choose to be, acceptance is ultimately the answer, i suppose but this i find hard to do.
I have been lonely in my life even when I have not been “alone”. I make myself lonely with my fears, selfishness, temper, etc..
When I am unhappy with the way things are going, I feel lonely, because I choose to back out of “living”. If I embrace just one thing in my surroundings when I feel “lonely”,I can feel alive again. Now on the other hand I can enjoy being alone at times to gather my thoughts or to just relax!
Creemos que estamos solos!!
Beijos Paulo
loneliness is one of my best resources to recover mind, soul and body.
cheers, Danièle
I’ve had the best moments of my life in the company of a bottle of wine, a packet of cigarettes and my favorite moleskine and pen. In my own company.
It is a very simple exercise: you sit there and you let the feelings and the thoughts flow and some of them you write down because you find them relevant. You are finally listening to yourself and you ask many questions until you come to the one that really matters: what do I want? what are my dreams? my hopes, expectations, ambitions? WHO am I? Maybe you won’t find these answers in loneliness but I truly believe all of them and in yourself and to listen to your soul , you need that silence that only loneliness provides.
My best work …come with ton of loneliness… I listen my soul and write pure and row :))))solitude ,loneliness is healthy.Only if we make that filing as a curse then it is A curse ….because every blessing ignored become a curse… ENJOY YOUR LONELINESS BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR “CLEANING” TIME…YOU AND GOD.. THAT HOW WORLD IS MADE .. :)
Ruth-
I am practising this at the moment- without the cigarette – just letting it all flow, flaws and all…
:)
You’re never alone if you like the person you’re alone with :)
Im not sure what loneliness really is, if my search for solitude and love of private silence really is “natural”, I can easily imagine a situation surrounded by likeminded sitting in a circle and become twice or tripple as clear and inspiring in my mind but I do not have acess to such a setting. If there is a good receiver and listener I might be able to say things I did not know I could say.
hi, everyone! i just want to share my thoughts with you like i’ve never done to anyone. why? i don’t know, i think my friends won’t understand me. i can’t say that i’m lonely, but i like to be alone,with my own. all my old friends live their own life, i can say even an interesting life, some of them are married, some – have children, and now they friends from the PAST for me.
my life is strange for me.:-) i know that life is so interesting, it has so much opportunities, but i only observed the beauty of it from the window. i want to connect with the world, to feel it, to touch it, but i don’t know HOW????
good luck everyone!
ez ….. :)))) you just did .:))))
I have been giving myself for entertainment for years. I am the used. I feel guilty when I want to be alone. I’ve always left it up to others when they want me. But I myself, find strength in solitude and just can’t seem to shake this horrid pang of guilt when I don’t give another the attention they crave.
Dear Rachael,
Guilt is the most horrible feeling. You have nothing to feel guilty about, it is your right if you want to be alone, and I hope you can realize this. But as I know, this feeling takes a while to get over, so, do what you have to do, even if you feel guilty, and that feeling will soon go away. I don’t know what else to tell you to take away your guilt, but it is your right.
With love
C.
…
Me, myself ,and I ,me …I use others just for “entertainment” spouse,children,friends…I call them only if I need them to give me attention …but best time is just before loneliness hits you…those 30 second of satisfaction with your “old self”…just if we are honest enough to admit that we are all using each other only when we become boring with ourselves…I’m right ….dear users,we pick only people who are entertaining and avoid “time killers” ….and we all know time is our only valuables……. being lonely…more than day is sin….but being in the “canter” of attention with no sense(…….) is even bigger sin ….
← Previous Comments
Next Comments →