As Elvis Presley says : “Are you lonesome tonight?” and when you’re alone, what do you really do? How do you deal, how do you cope with yourself? Is it a burden? Or is it for you a way to dive deep into your soul and understand yourself? In my case, it’s both.
Sometimes I feel really alone, and I have no one to talk to. Sometimes there is this moment that I really need to be alone and to understand what’s going on, not in the world, but within myself. So, your thoughts on loneliness, that very very strange feeling that once a day or a week, we do feel.
Love,
Paulo
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At moments, I love to be alone.. far away from the “humanity”.. Loneliness is a fearful feeling to most people, however, it is one of the most natural feelings that one can have..after all, we were born alone, and we die alone..
La solitudine la viviamo solo in certi momenti ma la sensazione di vuoto che ne è alla base è intrinseca del nostro essere.
Tutti la provano, ed è solo grazie alla presenza di questo spazio vuoto nella nostra anima che conosciamo l’amore e il piacere… Se non ci fosse nulla da riempire ed emotivamente ci nutrissimo da soli saremmo totalmente incapaci di amare e godere di cose come l’arte e il buon cibo.
Preferisco pensare che la condizione di solitudine per quanto sgradevole non sia che il presupposto dell’esistenza di tanti e diversi esseri sulla terra che come i pezzetti di un immenso puzzle cercano il loro posto sulla terra.
Hope is really important.
When you feel it it starts calling for it’s twin brother; WILL. And then their cousin COURAGE, and that is when things improve, get better.
this was supposed to be in the CHARACTER of the week post, how did this jump into this one?
When I am alone without company, just with my thoughts, I never feel loneliness… I feel loneliness when I am surrounded by people who only “they” want to be heard and don’t give any attention to what I am saying… that’s when I feel lonely.I hate to admit it but I also feel loneliness when I am alone at home with my husband and I tell him about my day, he never seems to listen with his heart only with his ears … it’s like I’m talking to myself. So in a nutshell loneliness for me is not when I am actually alone, because that’s when I choose to be alone. Loneliness for me is to be with people who make me feel as if I am invisible!!!
I know exactly what you mean, I feel such loneliness with my partner and with many other people. i enjoy my own company and love spending time alone but I also yearn for real connection with others.
When I am with my partner he doesnt seem interested in what I have to say, he says he listens but he doesnt respond very often, that is not communication – I feel invisible as you do.
Now my daughter is ten she is changing and becoming less interested in sharing time with me. that is only natural but I feel even more invisible – i create the beautiful space in the home that is ignored by them.
Thankyou Franca, I feel less alone in my feelings of being alone with others, knowing someone else feels the same way.
Heaven for me is waking up every morning knowing that I have another chance for me to make things right.
Hell would have to be the fear that I will forever be alone. :(
Lonliness is a challenge. It is much easier to be with someone, and not have to think deeply. I prefer the challenge!
Oh loneliness that island of desolation, that island of paradise. Need I say more.♥
When I am feeling lonely, I shut my physical self away in some dark place, so that I can focus on healing and listen without distraction to my heart and Spirit! The darkness, for me, is symbolic of the time I spent just before my arrival on Earth. It is calming and most welcomed. A safe haven where absolutely no one is watching or judging or ridiculing.
When I have finished crying, meditating, rocking…whatever, I light for myself and the world a single candle, so I can “shed light” on my loneliness and remind myself that even in the deepest darkness -there is light! There is hope:)
I think that loneliness is inherent in every individuals emotional foundation.When we start out lives as adolescents we are clean and pure, but as we grow, we undergo various experiences which create the loneliness, and as we can never forget the experience, the loneliness of it will always be a part of us,either actively or passively.
At the end of the day we are alone,as it is only us that has the potential to understand ourselves completely, and loneliness is the medium through which we can explore, and fully come to terms with all our unfulfilled desires and journeys.When we are lonely we are having a conversation with ourself,through this we come to terms, with all that is incomplete. We can only come to terms with and value all that is complete when we come to terms with what is incomplete in our life.
I think loneliness exists so that we can appreciate other people’s company more. It’s also that stage where in we have to be one with ourselves. To understand ourselves and the world better. I think nobody has an exception when it comes to loneliness. Nobody is just not that strong to withstand loneliness, just like in happiness. and lastly, i think loneliness is a bridge to connect with God. to search for that light hidden within our hearts.
If we enjoy our own company then no one is lonely.Even i do feel lonely sometimes but then i remember the moments when i had heart to heart conversations with my near and dear ones that made my loneliness vanished.also making our own fantasy world helps us to cope loneliness.
for me also its both….sometimes when i don’t want to be left alone and then there is no one to talk to…but atleast 01 hr before going to sleep I take out time for myself to be alone and do self introspection or read a good book and do a ten mins meditation….this keeps me on track…I am a social person but atleast 01 hr before going to bed i need for myself..:)
bonjour Maître;
la solitude,
cette sensation de vide qui rempli l âme, sensation d être prisonnier libre,cette sensation d être paralysé avec un corps qui bouge,cette sensation de faire partie du monde et ne pas exister,cette sensation d’apprécier la compagnie et de chercher le moyen de s’en débarrasser, d’être et ne pas être. ce sentiment qui surgit de cette âme capricieuse contrôlée par la RAISON. Une raison qui empêche le coeur de se manifester et qui ne laisse aucun passage aux sentiments.
i often feel lonely in a crowd…
you feel so because your heart earns for some one.. of which cannot be fullfill by any lot of crowd……….. so realise wat can be done to get you out of such lonlines … just my suggession :)
I am surrounding with my family and colleagues but I am alone. I am totally alone!!! waiting an ideal moment to move!
maybe you just have to look within urself so that u may not feel lonely ;)
Hi i really love Paulo Coelho,
actually i’m living with my husband and my son of 2years old. And me and my husband quarel evrytime, and i’m relly fed up. I want to quit but i’m so afraid to live the loneliness.
I need help.But i’m sufferring too much evryday.
wen ever ap problem araises see to it you or your husband have in your minds that tis is bcause of ‘her’ / ‘he’ it will obvious creat disappoinment or anger ……… so better refresh your love as you had in early married life that may help you. am sorry if some thing hurts you in this take care … wish you happy life…:)
i think the best way is to communicate with your husband, compromise and know what’s wrong.. know his side and let him know yours. if you still both love each other then fight :) do this for your son :) also before making any decision, you should detach yourself from any emotions so that you’d be able to think clearly :) and my best suggestion is to ask God’s guidance ;) I hope that you could pass this test :) God bless :)
I used to dislike being alone. I always want to be surrounded by people and the moment I feel like I’m by myself, I try to look to find someone to be with.
When a rough moment occured in my life, I felt so lost and wasn’t sure of what to do with myself. I was tired of hearing what everybody else had to say, I decided to shut down and gone in solitude. When I shut myself from the chaos, I realized that being alone is not a bad thing at all. It actually saved me!! When everything else is quiet and all you have is yourself to talk to, you start listening to the voice from within. The real you re-surfaces itself when you’re alone. You discover a softer side of you and you learn to listen to your heart again. I was able to discover my inner strength and beauty during my lonely days.
I learned that being alone is not such a bad thing. It all depends on your attitude towards it. Alone to me means time for myself: Time to think, time to appreciate, time to say a little prayer, time to reminisce, time to be at peace and a good time to definitely reflect in life :).
I agree with Ciro, on many points. Lonliness can be used as a tool for helping yourself along life’s journey or it can be a weapon of isolation and self-destruction.
If we can use the time that we are alone for self-reflection and meditation, then lonliness is not a burden. But the hard part is, you must be really disciplined in order to do that. :)
To be alone is a gift because we realize that only existing being is i…slowly when we get start loving to be all alone,we stsrt loving this state of mind.. This leads to self- realization which will eventually lead to god -realization.. loneliness is the greatest gift given by god.. we are only attached to god .. we start analyzing who we are why we are here how to get out of here?/?
Hi Mr. Coelho :) I’m a big fan of yours.. :) from the Philippines. :) God bless you always. :)
whenever i am lonely, i go through the pages of this site.
Amen! :)
Hi, Paulo!
Loneliness can be a double-edged sword, after all we are humans and the need of share experiences and knowledge to our brothers and sisters for me its a exciting moment.
I allways want to be alone to chase my dragons and awake and strengthen my warrior within.
I try to keep in mind that the sword I’m dealing with must not be used to hurt neither me nor those who surounds me, and allways use it for the good, and to fight the shadows and emotions that may cause any type of damage on my soul.
Loneliness for me is another way to understand me, because first of all I need to comprehend myself and to keep away the burden of the loneliness to become as hard as steel and as soft as velvet.
I agree ;)
I’m mostly not lonely when I’m alone. It’s when I’m in the company of people I don’t trust that I feel lonely.
a person needs not to be alone to be lonely.. we maybe in a crowd but we feel alone.. me, most of the time i am alone but i dont feel lonely. i guess it comes from the feeling of contentment and security..
I guess lonliness has been my pal for a really long time and although I sometimes feel really down, I think it’s a beautiful feeling because it makes me think about what’s going on around me and to really understand and connect to the real me. You can be lonely even if you are in the middle of party and I really hate being surrounded by people all the time because when I’m with other people I guess I don’t get to be myself but have to change according to their moods, I think that’s really unfair.
I found out a long time ago that to overcome loneliness you have to give yourself away. By that I mean that you use every opportunity to connect with others. Something as simple as saying hello to someone on the street as you walk by or chatting with that little old lady waiting for her bus. Everyone at one time or another is lonely. I think that’s part of being human. By connecting in small ways, we can perhaps help someone in their moment of loneliness and alleviate our own.
I disagree.. a loner just to alleviate his own lonliness can not help and connect with other loner to help him in his lonliness…
i hope you dont mind but i liked what you said so much that i printed it ut and stuck it in my book of deams. i feel 150% the same way. i give myself away on a daily basis and it is a very good experience for me because most of the time it reaps very positive benefits. i hope you have a nice winter and an awesome new year.
having lots of company makes me lonely most of the time. it’s ironic but true to me. i’d rather be alone with my self all the time than be with bunch of people who never really care about your happiness. i’d rather be alone than have this constant company who always takes away whatever makes me happy for selfish reasons that i make them happy; hence they want to keep me for themselves ignoring what i really want. i’m so helpless and hopeless..
It is true that we came into the world alone and absolutly clean with inner happiness. Bunch of people starts writing on our heart n conciousness and makes us dependent. We should reach to the ultimate truth that what makes us happy? Constant company of bunch of friends or bliss of our conciousness! I chose my conciousness’ bliss! Ironey is I learned Lonliness from my absolute clear and pure world:) Bunch of people started to write on its clean conciousness and conditioned everything. That was the great consipiracy of destiny in our unconditional association and made us crippled physically as well as emotionally. I am not cursing anyone, i gathered my courage now dropped the past of my close KNOWN world and given myself a new birth. With absolute fearlessness i regained my ecstasy . Now Lonliness meant to me is blaming & cursing your own conciousness! wishing Bliss for you too ‘my unknown ‘ world!
To be among hundreds of “friends” but no one really feels with you – that is lonliness.
All lonliness ends if there is only one person, who understands your feelings and “really” cares for you.
lonliness is when among hundreds of ‘ friends’ one person who understands you ‘ really’ misunderstand you and lies you!
Monika, if this is “you”, I really care for you my friend.
“En tout homme se trouve une part de solitude qu’aucune intimite humaine ne peut remplir, c’est la que Dieu nous rencontre.” Robert Schultz
Happy birthday Paulo Coelho! I wish you all your wishes to come true
With all my love that im able Mihaela
I am lonely i am at the edge .It is not because I am alone .I am not alone .I am beautiful and sexy .Iam smart and Iam lucky .but Iam mad ,at the edge of my madness . I feel like the madness came back .I knew that but I thought it is delaying.or I thought it will come earlier but it delayed .i must fight again and again .This is my life .Fighting to not fall in the hole.
I have this fear to not be left on my own since im conscious of myself .That means since i had three years .Loneliness it comes and goes since then .I had times when I was draw down in the most deep and dark loneliness without knowing when why and from where is coming .I was controled by loneliness and sucked in it .Those times I couldnt even think why is this and how can I save my self .I thought that is the way to be .Growing up I realised that loneliness it comes because I call for it .Unconciously I did .I am a perfectionist I think that asking for loneliness I can live in my own world without stressing my self that people can judge me .Loneliness its like a drug .Can lead me somewhere I like to be or bring feelings that I cant even bare them . Comparing with the fear of loneliness since I had three years and now I think im starting to cope with it .It is a long and hard work but it is worth to try .Loneliness comes insidious.I am trying to understand how can I identify the moment of ariving .
I used to feel just like you.. the same feelings you’re describing now.. since I was 5 years old. Thankfully could overcome that problem with the help of God who talked to me through signs and guided me when I didn’t know what to do. He gave me hope and reasons to keep fighting in my battle. You need to believe.. and you’ll make it
La Soledad la combatí hace tiempo Gracias a Dios . . . Tener momentos de Soledad hoy en día para mí es magnífico ya que me permite jugar con mi mente ( pensar, imaginar, inventar,crear,etc) cosas en las que yo me sienta a gusto conmigo mismo. . . No pienso en construir un modelo de avión. . . pero sí en cómo intentaría cambiar la sociedad,etc. . . eso hago en mi soledad, aparte de pensar en mis sueños, revisar el pasado y analizar el presente . . .
Cuando digo que la luche con ésta hace tiempo es porque ahora paso más tiempo con mis amigos y mi familia. . .Antes estaba en mi casa apenas salía, subí 30 kilos, etc . . . Pero ahora estoy viviendo otra vida!!!!
No culpo a la soledad me culpo a mi mismo por mis errores, ni yo tampo tuve la culpa, ahora pienso que no interpreté bien las señales de Dios y lo pagué llegando al borde de la locura. . .Gracias a Dios estoy bien!! La Soledad es hermosa . . .A veces destruye otras construye . . .
Un Abrazo Fuerte!!!!!!!
Being alone can be liberating or suffocating. Since we are all one part of a whole, we find it easy to find comfort in others. It reminds us that we belong. While it can be much more difficult at times, the same comfort can be found in ourselves.
Loneliness is a negative feeling, it is the absence of the other; wishing the other was there. Alone-ness is a positive state, it is the presence of oneself.
truly lonliness is something that gives u enough opportunity to go within ur inner self…..and to recognize YOU.
I read somewhere: when God created words of English language, He created the word ‘loneliness’ to express ‘the pain of being lone’ and He created the word ‘solitude’ to express the ‘grace of being lone’. I say these words everyday to myself at least once; trying to console me that me being lone is by choice and I am enjoying graceful solitude and not painful loneliness…
…but i know someone has to pass through the pricking pain of loneliness to reach the graceful solitude.
That was really well-said. Thank you. :)
the worst thing about loneliness, is that it is everlasting…there is no way you can really establish a connection that strong, we’re born alone, and die alone, and we travel alone no matter who we are with. other people cannot ever completely empathize with your emotions, and read your thoughts….
Johnny, querido
A solidão não é eterna, é apeenas umaa sensação passageira. Voce só precisa ver as coisa de outra forrma. Nascenos acompanhados de nossa mãe. E por toda nossa infancia somos cuidados por alguem. e durante toda nossa vida temos oportunidades de formar verdadeira amizades. Além das inumeras chances que temos de procurar o verdadeiro amor para não morrermos sozinhos. sofis.oliver123@gmail.com
Thank you all for your comments. Feeling lonely myself today and reading your comments, makes me understand more. Thank you all. I hope we all find balance and peace
When loneliness creeps, I know I have to take time for myself. It could be destructive for me if I linger on it, or pretend that I am not. I cannot runaway from my loneliness, I need time to separate myself from people and ponder on it. Then I pray, I try to understand what makes that loneliness so hurting, then I look at what I can do about it… I look at why it happened and what I am learning from it. If there’s something I have to change or people I have to talk to about it, I do it.
Being alone is an opportunity to reflect on the things we have done (in the past). To evaluate where we made a mistake? To reminisce on the good old days and to learn from the mistake of the past.
Loneliness hurts more if there’s no acceptance. We can not let go on something we hold onto inside of us, unless we accept that we’re wrong and we made a bad decision somewhere.
After the acceptance, the next right thing to do is to forgive yourself and move on. Take time to lick your wounds, vent it out, don’t keep it inside and most of all don’t dwell in the past. Life goes on and you have to decide whether you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life for something you’ve done in the past or you’ll learn from your mistake and become a better person? IT’S YOUR CHOICE!
A happy ending requires a lot of effort and to be able to do that, you need to almost always decide to do what is right and to make sacrifices in exchange for the temporary things that does not last – always make the right decision! Loneliness is a product of REGRETS and regrets is always in the end of every wrong decisions that we make.
Now, what is right? It is something that is fair to everybody else. Whatever is good and fair for you, will always be what’s good and fair for others.
Trust God, Jesus loves you… :)
Indian Music is really cool and some of it are great dance music too.:.`
Loneliness is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing in the sense that one can sit with themselves, think deeply, reflect and even meditate. Loneliness in this sense allows people time to find themselves, relax and renew their lives. Luck those who find time to do so..however, it is a curse when it comes to the moment that you really need someone beside you to talk to, to feel, to hold, or even to cry on their shoulder…This is really painful..The worst is even when you have many people around you but still feel ALONE!!!This is my case!!!
i know what u mean.Just for one day i wish i could find someone to be strong for me and let me literally cry on their shoulders and hold me.With so many people around me there is no one who can do that and that makes me feel lonely.i know nobody wants to see u upset but they don’t realise thats probably the one thing i need the most to make me feel a little better.
i am lonly now…problemy with my family, my friends are only interested in their own lives…my love…he doesn´t want a deep relationship…i never felt like this before…and i don´t know how to handle it….
loneliness i know this is just a passing feeling, but how come this feeling isnt still leaving..perhaps because i havent experience love
but when u experience love and then it leaves, that is the loneliest time .it is lonely withut them even after a year. only the memories keep u company but then they can make u sad too. it’s true what they say,u never know exactly what’ve u’ve got until it’s gone.
i guess i have no insight to share or something about loneliness. i am just feeling so lonely tonight and i want to express it. i am upset because i was expecting something that didn’t happen. i am so lonely for the fact that it almost happen always. however i try to think of something else, i cannot keep myself and my emotions from being so lonely and longing.
maybe this is one of the ways on how can i lessen the loneliness i keep inside myself.
i find it so unfair to give your all while you can’t expect something more from someone (specially from your other half). anyway, that’s life-really unfair.
Loneliness
When the Darkness falls
And the Loneliness rises
I feel the urge to Change
When I feel the urge to Change
The Darkness falls
The Beauty of the Soul rises
When the beauty of the Soul rises
The Darkness falls
I realize God is Love
With Love,
Simone
“Grace a Dieu, j’ai appris a affronter les tempetes.”
P.Coelho
Thank you. that was beautiful.
loneliness…
we all get visited by this feeling. its one of the inevitable things to happen in our lives but it doesn’t mean to harm i must believe. its our call how do we respond to such opportunity of embracing a feeling no matter how odd and painful but offers us a chance to get intouch with our innerself and everything that surrounds us. its a gateway to value everything we had no matter how little might as well enormous but always a blessing.
when lonelinees came by on me, it reminds me that not everything in this world lasts forever even, my visitor. that everything happens as it happens, and i have the power over my life, i am in charge. and that, loneliness co-exist ith happiness. so i must not worry when its visiting, its just passing by.
transit zone
We all need to learn to love ourselves enough not to need anyone, then we will be free to like and to love people as we choose and to appreciate relationships with them fully
I agree!
Loneliness helps us discover who we are. We have to experience loneliness at one point of our lives to learn how to be independent.
”Sometimes there is this moment that I really need to be alone and to understand what’s going on, not in the world, but within myself”
… I do feel the same, and when i get comments about my loneliness as if it was a sickness … it does make me sad that strangely it’s not easy for people around me to understand when to let go of me and when to come to me.
… I do think though that it’s everyone’s responsibility to embrace loneliness when it comes, but also to have the gift of words when it matters to show others that it’s time to communicate … it’s one’s own duty to sing his melody so that people can come to meet his sweetness and sing it back to him.
With much love Paulo,
Your gifts are marvelous
i have extreme fear of loneliness. because i do enjoy the essence of being alone. but most times when i do not wish to be alone – yet remain alone, i fear..
and i think there is loneliness vs solitude. came across this passage once and it spoke straight into my heart:
“Solitude in order to go into yourself, to find your reason to write and to seek out the dreams, memories, impressions that make one’s internal world. Solitude in order to find the patience to allow everything to gestate, the acceptance of doing what is difficult and therefor necessary, the clarity of the senses beneath the surface and multiplicity of the world where one can actually create. Solitude in order to grow into one that can love and be loved, a “love that consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other.”
so we do need periods of solitude.
but in general, loneliness.. i think is painful. when you have no one to talk to, when you eat alone day and night, when you see or feel something beautiful but have no one to share with. when you have so much love but no one special to give to…
i am away from home for the first time in my life and though it has been over 2 years, it is still not easy. when i first arrived on this foreign land, i experienced loneliness at a new level that i could never imagine. till this day, i still spend most of my days alone. i have learned to cope better with it – though alone, i continue going to the movies, concerts (just caught the cafe del los maestros!).. bittersweet experiences.
however, even being home, i have always felt lonely. i have family, close friends and acquaintances and many people who love me, for who i am.
so, i guess there’s emotional loneliness and physical loneliness (if i may describe them as so.)
now on foreign soil, i still have good people around me and i am grateful for that. but what are the chances of me finding someone who can sit through 3 hours of a bela tarr movie – and feel it and love it as intensely as i do? or finding someone who’d listen to me talk about the wind and smelling the colours that the anima mundi displays to us? how many people out there actually do remember to look at the moon? plenty, maybe, but sadly not around me..
so can i say that i am suffering from both emotional and physical loneliness?
by the way, our society describes fear loneliness as a symptom of borderline personality disorder. they tell you that if you feel a lot (cos your heart and eyes are open), and are too sensitive (enough to feel profound loneliness) , you must be sick and chemically imbalanced in the mind…
As i read this it was as if i had written it myself. i moved back home after 5 years away studying. my friends here have all moved on in life. some days are better than others. i feel better knowing im not as alone in the world as i thought. thank u.
Have faith that one day your physical loneliness will be something that you will crave because as we go through life, there are numerous and wondrous people who we will meet on our journey that will request our time. Emotional loneliness is however forever.. You shouldn’t fear it, but embrace it, it can only serve as a source for introspection of oneself also a vital part of psychological growth. I couldn’t help but reply, sorry if my ramblings don’t make sense.
the moon looks lovely tonight
:)
I agree with what you are talking about loneliness because i feel the same .I would like to thank you that you could put in words for me .Is there one thing that im leaving in my own country and have the same feelings.I wake up every morning trying to fight with this fear and at the end of the day im happy that i can win .
juniperberry, you have touched my soul with your words.. please keep talking about the joy of the wind and the colors you feel. you are a rare spirit. i think you should write a book about all this, it would reach many hearts, and maybe they will start to see those colors too :)
This is an opportunity to plunge into the soul and the ability to sort out what is happening around and in yourself. And sometimes it is a feat to be able to accept this state … I have a very long time to sink into this feeling and the fear of a very disturbed life, it turned out that even fate itself helped me in this. Then I was afraid only that I find those who will be good, those who can be trusted (until then, too, particularly any who are not trusted).
“With you when something like that happened? You’re lying in bed with his hands squeeze the two pieces of blankets,
listening to music and toskuete, through the places where the sky is spangled with stars and the Milky Way divides the sky, where the yellow leaves on the ground and on trees would be filled with all your soul the freshness of the autumn…, where the terrain is littered with stones and filled with magical powers and you so want to touch them, read them, there where you can never join his foot. A thing is worth two hours earlier to turn off PC and listen to what is happening, read the part of the story “Little Life” (about the artist, is very touching but sad story) … and take something from which ran all the time. Loneliness. ” (writing in my blog 25 Oct 2007)
please, can you give me the link to your blog?
Thanx
nino
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