Fear is a powerful tool. Society uses it to scare us about everything, and to keep us on the track. Family uses it to force to follow their dreams, not our dreams. It took me a long way and I paid a very high price to follow my dream. I’m wondering what to think about Fear, why do people try to instigate this fear in eveybody? And the best option is that, in your opinion, we have, to not respect this unnatural fear and move forward towards our dream.
Thank you,
Paulo
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read “the drama of the gifted child” (alice miller)…
I´m understanding, that fear is also the prison of emphatic personalities. We are sensitive to the unconscious needs of our (parents and) fellow men, because we learned that otherwise we are no good childs and try to give them what they want, respectively to find compromises. And this (induced) behaviour impoverishes our soul, prevents to be ourselves and lets us loosing the contact to our deepest being.
This sensitivity makes it difficult to follow and to assert oneself at somebody´s expense, this can be recognized by others and abused to achieve their own interests.
How can we join up consideration and impudence (in a postively meaning) to be genuine. We have to loose the fear. What happens then – nothing bad. We cannot be beloved by everyone because that means we have no personality. What about OUR views, our feelings and motivations. Someone gave us our souls and wants them to live as they are.
it helps somehow to know that other people are suffering too – but let´s try to be ourselves, to see the bottom of our and the others souls to understand and maybe to change something, despite of our fear. And it is so necessary to change some so/called ideals in this world.
We can be lucky to feel fear and doubts. Whatelse enables us to grow.
Good luck for eveybody on this long, troublesome way. Dont leave it!
Hi, Mr Paulo, right now, the only thing that blocking someone from their dreams are the feeling of fear. Fear will destroy even the experienced disciple, to face fear, one must commited to himself that he/she will live according to his/her believe and not others they must have a commitment that they want to be themselves and not what other want them to be. but it is a long process, since fear can not be eliminated from oneself that easy.
At the moment, what is there for me concerning fear is that it is an enemy on my path. For me, to fight the Good Fight is to put the energy to desarm that enemy that is like a serpent. So, I must learn to detect it, name it, and then face it. With affection, Jojo.
your words resonate
an enemy on the path
being pursued… one needs to detect it, name it and then face it.
Even in the development world of Ghana, the local discourse has an enemy which pursues…
it’s very interesting for me to learn this about the dvpt work.
Thankyou for sharing your insight.
Uno de los miedos es: “Miedo a lo desconocido”. Estoy segura que a muchos les ha pasado y a ti también Paulo por lo que leí en tu Biografía se que sólo metiéndote en la ducha y leyendo la Biblia pudiste controlar aquello y hay algo que me impactó dijiste: “Si exite el mal, también existe el bien.”
¿Padrías hablarnos de esto?
Quizás a muchos les interese conocer tu experiencia.
Un beso Paulo.
I finished my pilgrimage 2 days ago. I walked Nordvegen to the Nidaros Cathedral – close to 300 kilometres in 16 days, with a rest on Stiklestad on day 9 and 10. We were three women walking all the way, with several people following us parts of the way.
Walking Nordvegen is not like walking the camino to Santiago de Compostella. Maybe half of the way is walking in the wilderness – mountains, valleys, forests, marshes, meadows… I bought a pink Missing Link raincoat for the long walk. Reason: Lots of wild animals in the area, and a bear had been shot but had run away with injuries just a couple of days before the long walk. When I bought the pink raincoat, it was not because I feared a meeting with the wild animals, but I was were scared of the hunters who were hunting for the injuried bear. A nervous trigger finger can be fatal to a pilegrim in a dark raincoat.
I’m sure that a lot of people from big cities would find this trip scary. Especially after severe rain when the marshes and rivers were full of water, and very difficult to cross. Fog follows rain, and makes the terrain look spooky. But when you know this type of terrain from childhood, it is not scary at all. Actually the long walk has been the best thing that has happened to me the last couple of years. I came out physically and mentally strengthened, lounges and heart are in great shape, and my singing ability has really grown (- although it was not very good at the outset).
When I reached the goal – the Nidaros Cathedral – I was asked to read
the Pilegrims prayer at the midnight service, with maybe 1000 people present. For some reason this caused very little fear – I read the prayer almost with confidence. (I didn’t say perfect! :-)
Then I stayed up (almost) all night in the Cathedral to talk to friends and meditate. Driving home in the morning was a fearful experience – I was very tired!
In the evening I dressed up like Cindrella and went to St. Olavs Gjestebud to celebrate. No prince there, but it was very nice anyway.
I was sitting next to a journalist who took a picture of me – look for me at this link:
http://www.nrk.no/kanal/nrk_klassisk/1.6710005
I do have fear for all the judgement that I know society, or parts of the society will pass on me or others, as soon as we do something that is not on the right track. On the picture I’m lifting an empty wine glass. As I liftet the glass I felt a little guilt and I got worried that my Christian friends might think badly of me for drinking a glass of wine. Actually, being taken a picture of when lifting an empty wine glass caused more fear than 14 days in the wilderness or saying a prayer in a cathedral full of people, as I knew that the picture would be published on internet.
I enjoyed reading about your Pilgrimage, Mari Ann, and will remember it forever. Your awareness, sensitivity and courage are inspiring! Found you in the photograph too. Thank you Mari Ann.
Love To All, Jane : ) xo
why fear ! u did what u thought was OK, was not hurting anyone.
great effort both while on the pilgrimage and also in sharing it here.
love
aditya
Dear Mari Ann, thank you for sharing your Pilgrimage. Your are very brave. You are ..also beautiful in the photo.. I do not understand why you felt guilty about wine.. After all Jesus had blessed the wine at the wedding at Kana and he had also offered wine to the Last Supper. The symbolism of wine.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Dear Mari Ann,
What a beautiful photo of you. Your outfit looks so glamourous.
I always say ‘when people have walked in my shoes, they can judge me’. That’s the great thing about life, no one will ever live my life but me. No one has the right to judge you and no one should and if they do, it is a reflection on them, not on you.
You deserved a glass of wine (I’d be holding the bottle..heehee!)
I hope you enjoyed it. It sounds like a wonderful experience. Thanks for sharing :)
To my mind, FEAR is used to terrorise others to become submissive.
Fear is the invisible jail that we all were shoved into, the day we are born. Religion taught us ‘to FEAR GOD’ instead of ‘to LOVE GOD’..We are told of the ‘ORIGINAL SIN’ and that is the reason we die..So we had no choice but to FEAR the UNKNOWN..and feel GUILTY for the things we had no control of…GUILT creates FEAR…
Terrorism did not start on September 11 when the so called faithful Muslims dropped bombs on the twin towers..TERRORISM is with us every single day from the begining of time., but more so now in these modern time…..For as long as organised religions keep teaching their followers to “FEAR GOD” and OBEY HIS COMMAND, and MUST join them because they believe that their particular group is the true path to God and therefore are called “GOD’s PEOPLE”, humans will always be FEARFUL of one another…and of the unknow…
On the other hand, if organised religions start teaching people to LOVE GOD and BE HIS COMMAND, with the emphasis on LOVE rather FEAR, then the seed of LOVE alone is what will grow in our hearts…
FEAR creates TERROR… LOVE creates PEACE…..it should have been very simple..Love is the essence of the messages of the great prophets MOSES, JESUS & MOHAMMAD….and all the deep thinkers that lived and some that are still living (like yourself Mr. Paolo Coelho)…. SPIRITUAL CONNECTION is the key… We, humans acted very disrespectfully towards the teachings of the Great Prophets…
Humans can only come together in PEACE when they start to unlearn the things that caused division, discrimination, segration, spiritual & material poverty, racism and all learned things that caused fear…But most of all, when humans stop branding themselves indentifying themselves with their chosen religions, then LOVE & PEACE will be sown in the hearts of the young …. When we start sowing the seeds of LOVE & PEACE in the hearts of young children, we will reap what we sow which is LOVE&PEACE and nothing else… To bring up children in the beliefs that they must be Christians or Muslims or Jewish to find favor in the eyes of God, then FEAR will be sown in their hearts. Believng that those who don’t have the same faith are therefore less of a human because “they did not find favor in the eyes of God.”..” “THEY” are the INFIDELS, the WORDLY, the SINNERS whom must be brought to their organised religions if they want to be “SAVED”…The spread of religions as the history told us, brought the most cruel acts to humanity … That is the sad truth of our life here on this beautiful planet earth….and the victims are always the young and innocent … The majority, already have the burden of contuing on to learn how to spiritually disconnect from fellow human beings before they were even born…We must understand the difference between fear and feeling scared of being hurt, or scared of failure, scared of accidents on the road that could cause death..being scared of not finding the right man/woman etc…
But the “FEAR” that stops us finding our own unique meaning in life is more of spiritual. The moment we feel the presence of GOD’s IMAGE who resides in our heart and recognise the presence of GOD’s IMAGE in other people’s hearts, then we have nothing to fear.
When do we adults learn to free the children from the bondage/jails of spiritual slavery?
FOR AS LONG AS THERE ARE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD IN FEAR AND IN DISTRESS, WE WILL CONTINUE TO FEEL THE TERROR OF HELL NO MATTER WHERE WE ARE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL PLANET EARTH.*hv*
GOD DOES NOT HAVE A “CHOSEN PEOPLE”.PEOPLE HAVE “CHOSEN GODS” *hv*
WHEN WE FEEL THAT THE SAVIOUR IS WITHIN, WE WON’T HAVE THE CONSTANT NEED TO BE SAVED *hv*
Beautifully written Lezah! I enjoyed it very much and indeed is true.
And what does hv stand for? heaven??
love
C.
Thank you Lezah! I like this. It has me thinking a lot! It reminded me of an earlier post that suggested fear is the opposite of faith, and others have suggested it is the opposite of love. If this is true, then does it mean the two must co-exist? If there is no fear, there is no faith. Similarly with war and peace, light and dark, good and evil.
If this is true then perhaps I can love fear in all its forms because without it there would be no need for faith?
With love
Daniel
Wonderful post, Lezah! All very goods point that you make.
Every time I hear the phrase “fear of God” it makes me cringe, especially when it is presented as the primary required attribute of a devout believer, such as in the phrase “good, God-fearing Christian.” As you say, what about God-loving? Shouldn’t that come first? And yet I’ve never heard anyone say, “Oh, he’s a good, God-loving man,” or “I’m a God-loving Christian.” I know that in the Bible it says “fear God” – the phase is in there so many times, in so many contexts – and yet I remain convinced that the word which we interpret as “fear” is a gross mistranslation, which could better be understood by the word “respect.”
Then, as you note, there is the fundamentalist issue, fueled by the concept that only one way (only one religion, often times only one small sect) is the right way. Everyone else in the world is wrong and thus demoniac.
Along with this comes the concept of “choseness” of which you speak – the idea that God has “chosen” and loves only this one group of people. All the rest of humanity is on the side of evil. With that mentality it becomes so easy to justify a “Holy War” because the enemy is the Devil incarnate.
Born of this are so many equally flawed and fatal ideas, such as the concept of “manifest destiny” – the notion that God is on your side and, thus, anything that you do to win out over the enemy is justified. This is the primary concept which, when it took hold in the United States, gave the settlers license to commit mass genocide in order to take over the land which they felt God had promised and set aside for them.
At any rate, all of these concepts seem so obviously flawed and so utterly ridiculous to me that I hardly understand how thinking individuals can buy into them…but they do. In mass numbers they do, each group thinking itself the sole keepers of the real truth, each assuming the other “evil,” each in their own way learning to hate more than to love. And at the root of it all – fear. Fear of God, fear of the Devil, fear of the perceived enemy, when all the while the real enemy resides within. Within the framework of the religion itself – the dogma it preaches – and thus, by transference, within the hearts of its followers.
Having said all of that, I am not against religion, any religion. I am merely against religion employed as a tool to instill fear and hatred, religion used as an inspiration for oppression, bloodshed and war.
Thank you so much, Lezah, for you brilliant and very thoughtful post!
Much Love,
Savita
Le poid des traditions!
Wow so many comments here where people talk about following what their parents want and not what they want themselves,even at age like more than 30!It seems so far for me,but,I don’t come from family like that,so I don’t know how it feels.Knowing myself,I would have run away a long time ago!Traditions,isn’t it?It can be really heavy.A friend told me that she knew a girl.She was just 18.Her parents wanted her to marry a guy they had chosen.The girl refused.She was begging her mother to cancel it.She insisted.They refused.The day of the wedding,after her mother and all women had prepared her.She begged one more time,but of course,no reaction.Her father ,brothers ect..were outside down the buliding,talking and waiting.The girl was in her room.She asked to stay a moment on her own.Just few minutes.She was alone now and what did she do?She jumped from the window.She committed suicide and her body went to crash not far from where her father stood.True story.Tragic isn’t it?Just as tragic as forcing someone to do something he/she doesn’t want to do.Not all the times,but sometimes,it’s tradition vs freedom.
We all have our fears and even our phobias, but often fear is associated with the unknown. This may be due to the lack of experience or evev knowledge, or the based on the misperception of others. However, what i have discovered is when we jump into the vast chasm of fear, there are glass bridges that tend to guide our path and prevent us from tumbling, sliding and falling into a rapid descent into that unknown void.
Those glass bridges can be linked to faith, hence when we face the fearful unknown, faith creates for us “the leap of faith” and gives us the confidence to face out fear.
Candieb, thanks for sharing that story to show how the FEAR of losing fabmily menbers if one don’t cmply to one’s family wishes or their radition can lead to a tagic ending…I have heard many stories of disasters because of traditons…
In the filipino culture where i was brought up, traditions and superstions ruled the everyday life.. It was “the fear of the unknown” that made me abandone the culture and made my own which i call the culture of spiritual freedom… You see, i have never ever felt what people call “fear of the unknown” because to me, “the real unknown” is on the other side of life as we know it..And we all know that we are all going to die one day so why be consumend of somethign we have no control of?….what we do and what we observe others do each day is a forecast of what may or may not happen tomorrow and the next day and the day after next…so really, we must listen and trust our instict that was also a gift given to us togetehr with our consciens and senses so that we may live our lives to the fullest without “the fear of the unknown”….
Scared of the outcome of our decisions? of course it’s normal to be scared….But fear is different from being scared of something, of someone etc….And being sacred is part of the learning process as we travel our own unique journeys…oxoxoxo…..
lezah
I think at its core that fear is our reaction to thoughts, people, and situations what we either cannot understand or cannot control.
Sometimes the fear is rational, the danger present, and the reaction both warranted and potentially life saving. Most of the time, however, fear is the existence of the perceived possibility of danger. The same way advertisements create a need for a product we previously never desired and never knew existed, stories told by parents, peers, media etc. about something that happened to someone else become the creation of a need for hyper-vigilance aka. fear. We buy and then consume that product…and over time it consumes us. It is true that bad things happen every day and that some negative outcomes can be anticipated and prevented, but if we allow anxiety about what MIGHT happen to become a fear that consumes, then we’re missing the true goal of the emotion of fear which is self-preservation in the face of a danger. If we overreact to perception of fears that are not there or simply stare in shock as real danger harms us, we’re also not using the gift of our fight or flight response for its true purpose.
So what to do? Well, if fear is our reaction to thoughts, people, and situations what we either cannot understand or cannot control then we have to develop an understanding and/or establish a sense of control. For example, I used to teach public speaking….and some people report that they fear speaking in public more than dying. How do you allay this fear? Control body response through breathing…focus on something that is associated with the familiar and what is understood, and start speaking. Fear gradually melts away and the speech goes on.
What about people? The worst prejudice we have is to think we don’t have any. No one has cornered the market on prejudice and we judge most others by ourselves. We tend to fear what feels the most unfamiliar, unsettling, unusual etc. That leads to conflict and harm. “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” (Star Wars anyone?) Just today I was teaching my summer school class an excerpt from Sandra Cisneros’ House on Mango Street:
*****************************************************************
THOSE WHO DON’T
Those who don’t know any better come into our neighborhood scared. They think we’re dangerous. They think we will attack them with shiny knives. They are stupid people who are lost and got here by mistake.
But we aren’t afraid. We know the guy with the crooked eye is Davey the Baby’s brother, and the tall one next to him in the straw brim, that’s Rosa’s Eddie. V., and the big one that looks like a dumb grown man, he’s Fat Boy, though he’s not fat anymore nor a boy.
All brown all around, we are safe. But watch us drive into a neighborhood of another color and our knees go shakity-shake and our car windows get rolled up tight and our eyes look straight. Yeah. That is how it goes and goes.
By: Sandra Cisneros
******************************************************************
We find comfort in what we know; we often feel discomfort and even fear when faced with what we don’t know and don’t understand…which is why we have to push ourselves out of that isolating safe space and expand to include new experiences. Sometimes that means shrugging off a lifetime of instilled fears from our upbringing…”A child is born with no prejudice. Bias is learned and someone has to model the behavior.” The same advertising of fears, fear of “those” people, fear of cultures other than our own, can be a legacy that comes with a loving family, and yet we have to ask the question “Just what am I afraid of?” Chances are, it’s something that feels unfamiliar or a situation one does not control. So re-frame…if feeling unsure, pay attention and take cues from others…if feeling like something is “strange” replace the word “interesting” in that sentence and see how quickly the opportunity to learn new lessons presents itself.
Media is a monster that breeds fear by the headline…every day we’re bombarded by news that awful things are happening…they are. The question is, despite keeping our eyes and ears open, whether we can actually CONTROL whether or not they happen to us. I struggle with this all the time, and once I’m all keyed up I force myself to acknowledge that I’m not God. I remember a beautiful story called Civil Peace by Chinua Achebe in which his protagonist Jonathan is living through a civil war in Africa and awful things happen all around him daily. At the end of each day he is just grateful that he and his wife and children all are still alive. When he cannot make sense of the chaos, he recites his mantra “Nothing puzzles God.” He’s right. We cannot wallow in the daily chaos wondering if it will be us next. We can acknowledge that there are things we can prepare for and prepare. We can reach out and do what we are able to for others. We can live assuming that today will proceed without calamity, as it likely will. We can make sure those we love know they are loved just in case we are wrong about that…and then let go of the need to control what we cannot…because, truly, nothing puzzles God.
And when fear leaves us thinking, “I can’t, I can’t” we have to remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Then take a page from Nike and “Just do it!” Fear has its place to help to save our lives; we have our place to live life…and to remember that nothing puzzles God.
~Melyssa
Fear to me is an emotion that drives us to live, love, hate and survive. It is the very essence of our existence, of who we are and what we do. For example we eat for fear of starving, we vote for a political party for fear of some policy, or work harder at work for fear of loosing your job.
Fear is therefore a great motivator and a great destroyer. It motivates us because it drives us to do and achieve things. It destroys us because it drives us too hard in achieving the unattainable by making us blinkered to what is really happening.
Fear has no social standing, as effects us all regardless of who we are or what we do in society. A poor homeless man would fear being mugged but a wealthy rich man would fear loosing his home.
Fear is a subtle but very powerful emotion indeed.
Imagine society where it wouldn’t exist any fears!!
Then i guess we would be killing each others. It is already well-known fact how little people actually need to turn into evilness. What makes us not acting like that? THE LAW – who is usually set up by the goverment. Except your parents put a very big effort on your education while you were a kid, so now you are totally clear with it – you know what’s good and what’s bad. But again the question is how they have made you like that? Of course, by setting fears again.
On the other side – we got “following their dreams” theory, which parents actually are using with idea to protect their kids cause they think they know the best for them. This 1 i don’t support too much, cause in many cases like Paulo’s too, it has aprooved as a wrong 1. It’s true that Nature got its own laws and if we don’t follow them, we may face up with a lot of problems. Paulo as many others payed very big price, but you also gotta ask your self, do all the people have the strenght for followin their own path???
There it comes THE FEAR OF FAILURE!
Problem for all the “warrior of lights” is cause on their own path – they may face with lot of problems, maybe with even more than in the case if they were followin someone else. Plus, on the 1st one you are always having supporting hand and here it doesn’t have to be the case.
But it’s the question of happiness – would you choose the other path just cause it’s easier (even it means that you would be unhappier) or you gonna choose this harder 1 and find your truly happiness????
For the beginning i think we all gotta answer to this question, before we start doing anything else.
Natural fear gotta exist, we all have it about many things, but about this unnatural we have to be very careful. It’s like everything in life – the best thing is to find the balance. I’m not saying that we gotta eliminate it totally, but even not using it in a wrong way. Follow your heart and dreams, believe into your insticts! Even if you fell 1 day, it’ll all be an new lesson. Life is full of ups and downs and we’re learning every day! The matter is to live, not staying stucked up in the corner, just cause other think that it’s better for us like that!
Media, church, politicans and other manipulators will always use FEAR, but as an individual, we are not depending on anyone. So believe in what you think it’s right, take some initiative, take some risk – cause if you don’t try it, you’ll never know what coulda happened.
The biggest problem may be like – if you are really about something – this question will stay in your mind forever and it’ll always cause ya some blockade, confussions & etc.
So would you be a toy of “powerful”, livin in a fears set up by others? Or you gonna stand up for your self, even beside these fears of failure?
Uma vezes vi uma entrevista sua para o video show, onde a entrevistadora viu uma espada sua e quis madipulá-la e você tomou da mão dela, de forma até grosseira, bom faz muito tempo não sei se você se lembra, mas fiquei curioso em saber se você sentiu algum medo naquela hora?
nao, claro que nao. Senti receio pela pessoa, nao pela espada. Toca-la seria perigoso para ela.
abs
There’s fear, and there is love. If you don’t have enough love, fear is the only other option to move yourself or people around you: you can only give away what you have yourself
This reminds me of something i read once; “Fear is born of a lack of understanding, the need 2 control & most important, an absence of love”.
Is all about power, control and possesion. Every human being wants all of these things mention above in more or less degree. The danger of this is not to be able to control it. We as human beings have to take control of it not to let these things take control of us.
Medo é apenas aquilo que ainda não temos a certeza do que virá… em certos momentos essencial a sobrevivencia, porém em excesso pode causar transtornos psicologicos, alterando toda uma tragetória de vida.
Quando estamos com medo, o organismo libera substância como cortisol, que altera todo o nosso emocional. Se é algo esporadico tudo bem, mas se é um constante em nossa vida, ficamos com dificuldade de dormir, pesadelos, irritados e vários outros fatores emocionais.
Tudo caminha para que nós transformemos em experiências e não em ansiedade.
Beijos no coração,
¿Por qué te hacés esa pregunta? No le encuentro sentido. Nunca me haré esa pregunta pero sí me hago otras que nunca me contestaré. Tantas preguntas en mi vida me han servido para darme cuenta de que si hay algo que siempre tendré serán las preguntas y saber eso ha sido muy gratificante, aunque pueda ser aburrido saber que nunca encontraré el sentido de nada, sólo de la diversión de ver cómo mis enemigos caen ante mí… Eso no es pecado ¿sí?
Fear could not be that bad after all. It is essential to the continuing of our existence. It is our unmistakable alarm.
The problem is the phobia, along with the fact that the majority of the adults (in the “civilized” world) has forgotten to live the present. We always lose so much energy about the future, trying to resolve our problems-phobias etc. Maybe we should pause for a while and meditate what is best for us.
In the same time, a profound personal analysis would be the key to comprehend which reaction inside us is the normal fear and which is the irrational phobia. What was put deep inside us to limit us as kids and what is the divine instict that can help us in our way.
Unfortunately, many parents use the sense of fear to get their task easier. That is where, we, as mature adults, can now understand and try (everyone has his own way) to resolve all this inner conflict. Concluding this could lead us to have only fear…not phobias!
PS: many of us are jealous of the absolutely amazing reactions of animals. Perhaps, they do possess such abilities and capabilities, because animals are just afraid and are not embarrassed to show it. A stray cat is afraid of humans. It doesn’t have phobias against us!
:))) just be honest and show fears …I like that…BRAVO!!!
MAKE IT SIMPLE… :)))))
I fear my father:( always have, he is not violent but a look from him or a smart comment can ‘put me right back in my place’. I’m stuck doing something at the moment that I want to get out of but I can’t because of what he will say to me… Am racking my brain to come up with a valid reason for not doing this thing. One valid reason is that it is not for me… that is the only reason – I don’t like it! But I can’t say that to him :( Pathetic… I am giving myself until next friday to come up with a reason – but it’s very sad at my age to feel that way (33!). But at the end of the day I know that my father only wants what is best for me. It is absolutely head wrecking…
I also fear that I will never get my dreams back – when I was younger I had my wings well and truly clipped… am just wandering through life now… For me: a decent job and some travelling, socialising is where I can start.
Tell me Paulo: What age were you when you started to follow your dreams? Give me some hope!! ;-)
Paulo may reply to you, in the meatime
paulo was 39 when he set out to write his first novel, so it’s never late.
about your father and your relationship with him, you are a grown up man, in india there is an old saying that once your shoes start fitting your son, treat him like a friend, i think that si wise enough, about that thing which your father wants u to do but which is mot for you – trouble normally is not what we don’t want to do, what is not for us, trouble is we are not clear what we want to do, i am sure if u speak to your father telling him both why don’t want to do what he is asking you to ( your heart is not in it ) and also what is your alternate plan, what do u want to do, maybe he will listen.
every single act we do is not because we love it or are overjoyed doing it, somethings needs to be done whatever your profession maybe. e.g. paulo he has chosen his profession as being a writer, but it does not mean he can just sit and write and be done with it. he has to cooeprate in it’s commercialisation, he has to travel the world, meet people, allof whom he maynot like.
u want hope, for what are u hoping. there is hope till u have not quit !
love
aditya
Dear Mise,
I am touched by this. It is difficult to stand up to a parent. In my experience a lot of what parents do in the name of love actually holds you back from your true self and success. For example, if you often find yourself in financial trouble and a parent always offers to help, it means you can avoid taking the steps on your path that may lead to your own success and living your own dream. This not only breeds fear but also dependence. The same happens in the form of constant advice or disapproval. I have no doubt there is love behind your father’s actions, but it sounds like the price is a high one for you to be paying for the approval that goes with it.
It is great that you are focusing on what you want, a good job, travel and friends! This is a wonderful way to put your feet on your path I think! Push aside thoughts of what you don’t have and your power to get what you want will surely grow!
Dear Mise,
When I was younger I was terrified of my father though I constantly stood up to him. I moved away and even though I never really had an ongoing relationship with him I still held that fear. I couldn’t even talk about him. I moved back around five years ago and I decided I was going to confront him. I met him and I might as well have been a child again. I couldn’t do it. Eventually, some time later I did because I knew it was the only way I would free myself. We maintained a relationship for some years until he did something that made me feel I was seven years of age all over again begging him to love me. I stopped the relationship there because I knew no matter how much I changed, he never would and I obviously needed something from him that he couldn’t give me. I understand that. I know why he is the way he is but it still doesn’t negate the hurt I feel he caused me.
So, now I am at a point where one way or another it doesn’t matter. Maybe a month or a year from now we will speak again, maybe not. Nothing in life is written in stone. It was extremely hard for me to confront him but I know if I didn’t I would still be so angry and bitter towards him. Now I try to look at his good points and I see parts of me that are like him and it helps me understand myself more. I wasted a lot of my energy disliking him through the years when really I should have been concentrating on myself.
You are your own person and maybe if you explained to your father how much his opinions mean to you, it would give him an opportunity to be different than you think he is (this did not work with my father!)
Maybe the dreams you had weren’t really dreams. Maybe your dreams are still to come. Does that make sense? You are younger than me and I think I am still so young. I think sometimes life side swipes you and offers you something wonderful and something tells me this is all ahead of you.
Enjoy the adventure :)
Hi Mise,
I am sorry for your profound traumas. Unfortunately, there isn’t something I can do to help you directly. However, I propose to you to read the “Primal Scream” of Arthur Janov.
I hope this will help you to the path you are walking.
Take care…
ata ceva uimitor.dintr-un trunchi de copac aparuse o fata minunata.mi se parea ca este cea mai frumoasa fata din intreaga lume.era tanara,cu parul galben,avea doi ochi albastri impresionanti.aceasta fata era de varsta mea,dar frumusetea ei incanta pe oricine.desigur ca aceasta raza de soare m-a atras si pe mine.era o frumusete rara,un diamant stralucitor pe o insula necunoscuta…
in acel moment nu ma gandeam decat la ea.nimic altceva nu ma mai interesa.o discutie cu ea m-ar fi incantat nespus.din fericire aceasta tanara se apropria de mine.tanara purta un costum interesant,fiind confectionat din natura.dar ii statea foarte,foarte bine.fiind aproape de mine,fata mi-a atins cu mana ei delicata obrazul,iar eu intelegeam gandurile ei.am incercat si eu acest gest.am ridicat mana putin si i-am atins obrazul.fata a repetat gestul,iar eu am inteles ca si eu ii puteam transmite gandurile mele.prin intermediul fetei am inteles ca eram pe o insula linistita,locuita doar de ea si animale minunate.fata mi-a transmis un lucru interesant.aparatorul insulei era un vulcan,care asigura linistea,dar cand se simtea in pericol,incepea sa erupa,aruncand lava peste tot.din acest motiv,parintii,fratele si multe alte persoane au murit.ea era singura supravietuitoare.
deodata un zgomot ne perturba linistea,insula incepea sa se dezlantuie.fata imi arata linistita un semn.am privit si am ramas socat.vulcanul!vulcanul erupsese.lava aruncata in toate directiile se indrepta spre noi.am luat-o repede si am inceput sa fugim.din fericire,cu un ajutor nesperat am reusit sa ajungem la apa..fata imi spuse ca este oceansarim in apa,incepem sa innotam,facem tot posibilul pentru a supravietui..in urma noastra lava isi continua drumul.nu ne putem intoarce,trebuie sa o luam doar inainte.asta era singura noastra scapare,innotam amandoi disperati,desi nu stiam unde si cand vom gasi uscat.desi nu mai puteam innota,privirile fetei imi dadeau puteri.puteri fara de care nu stiu ce as fi facut.fta innota mereu,nu se dadea batuta.dupa mult timp ajungem la uscat.eram fericiti,dar si curiosi.nu stiam unde ajunseseram,ce pericole se aflau aici.in cele din urma,tanara fata ma sfatuieste sa raman pe uscat.nu mai puteam innota asa,fara sa stim unde se afla un loc sigur.avea dreptate,trebuia sa raman aici.insa ne-a pus in pericol viata.fata imi spuse ca pentru ea viata nu conteaza.tragicul eveniment s-a petrecut cand era mica,pe ea nu o iubise nimeni.stia despre dragoste doar de la parinti,care ii spuneau ca o iubesc foarte mult.i-am spus sa nu fie suparata,sa nu gandeasca asa.i-am promis ca cineva o va iubi,insa stiam foarte bine ca aceea persoana voi fi eu.ma atasasem foarte mult de ea.i-am explicat ca nu exista cuvinte rationale pentru iubie.iubesti fiindca esti atras de frumusetea cuiva,de sentimentele pe care o persoana ti le daruieste.am observat ca urmarea gesturile mele,zambea la fiecare atingere.fiecare zambet al ei venea dupa atingerea obrazului de catre mana mea.cel mai mult insa i-a placut momentul in care i-am marturisit ceva.ii marturisisem de fapt gandurile mele.i-am aratat cat de frumoasa e,ce mult o admiram,ce mult o iubeam,i-am atins cu un deget buzele suave si rosii si intelesesem ca fata avea incredere in mine,avea incredere in adevar.
fata m-0a convins sa facem o plimbare pe acest uscat,urmand sa revenim mai tarziu.desi afara,pe cer nu se afla soarele.in jur totul era minunat.nu soarele stralucea acum,fata stralucea.frumusetea ei nespusa infrumuseta totul.era pentru mine o raza de soare trimisa din cer pe pamant.o fata tanara,o frumusete incantatoare pe pamant.pielea ei era catifelata,mainile delicate,o inima curata,la ea totul era perfect.nu am gasit niciun defect,am deslusit multe calitati ale ei,ma simteam cucerit de ea.nimic pe pamant nu era mai frumos ca ea.doream sa traim toata viata impreuna,singuri,chiar si pe acest uscat.in jur gasisem multe fructe.multe flori multicolore,multi pomi.dar puteam noi stapani aceasta insula?mai era cineva pe ea?acestea erau framantarile care ne framantau pe amandoi.dar timpul ne putea da raspunsul.tot noi vom raspunde la aceste intrebari.eram doi copi,doi tineri indragostiti pe un taram necunoscut.un taram ce ne putea aduce moartea.noua insa nu ne era frica.asteptam cu incredere toate aceste pericole.destinul putea sa fie bun sau dramatic.ne putea astepta o viata linistita sau moartea.o moarte de care nu ne speriam.puteam muri,noua nu ne pasa foarte mult.amandoi eram fericiti,eram incantati ca ne intalnisem unul pe altul.totul era un mister.un mister ce era de partea noastra.fara el noi nu ne-am fi cunoscut.incetul; cu incetul afara incepea sa se intunece,ne-am hotarat sa ne culcam unul in bratele altuia.eram prea fericiti pentru a petrece macar o secunda despartiti.o data ce am inchis ochii,ceva ciudat s-a intamplat.un strigat s-a auzit in apropriere.m-am sculat repede si am constat ceva straniu.eram acasa,in patul meu,departe de fata frumoasa,pe care am cunoscut-o.am inteles insa ca toate aceste intamplari,toata aceasta calatorie nu fusese decat un vis.un vis din care nu as fi vrut sa ma trezesc.as fi vrut sa fie o realitate.fata cunoscuta sa fie aproape de mine.vreau sa va marturisesc ceva:traiesc si astazi indragostit de aceasta fata,simt ca nu o voi uita niciodata..
ps:aceasta compunere a fost scrisa acum 2 ani pentru o tema la romana.am descoperit-o astazio cand imi cautam o carte.stiu,sunt foarte multe greseli in aceasta compunere-dar am decis sa scriu textul asa cum este el..stilul telegrama ma urmarea vad si atunci…
Doamne ce emotionant.. ce frumos poti sa scrii… ce frumos…
God… how touching…. how beautiful you can write… how beautiful… my friend… CONGRATULATION.. and I hope you will meet that GIRL! :) hugs, Gabriela Romaria
Fear…fear of the unknown perhaps? fear of loneliness, solitude? I think fear is very personal and changes all the time depending on your situation. Off course there is fear that we get from the media but ultimately it is your own choice if you believe or go along with this fear.
Fear from the family – I think you have to live your own life and try not to go with the pressure from family or society. We all make mistakes and try to force fear in different ways but if you really believe what you are doing is right – I say go for it!
That is life isn’t it? taking risks, making mistakes and learning from them. So I would say face your fear and conquer it, as long as you have love and believe on your side you can’t go wrong.
fear of failure ….that is “our” life… fear to lose somebody ( we married them hahah)…fear to be poor ( we manipulate people for money)
fear of sickness…. we over use “healthy life” ,fear of truth ..we lie…fear of loneliness we collect “imaginary friends ” on facebook
fear of being simple…. we complicate every single word we say ….
fear of being normal …we try hard to be “special”…
fear of “God”…truth..? that fear we have least …and that fear will save us…
I completely agree. Fear is something that has become such an important part of our lives that we do not even realize how caught up we are in it.
When we were born into this world, we did not know what was fear and what was love. Our first introduction to “fear” was through our Family and then the society. Even though parents do not wish to create the sense of fear in their children but they unknowingly do so. They tell us what is right and what is wrong and to believe in. Society imposes on us what “they” think is right.
As far as I am concerned, fear and love go hand in hand. I listen to my parents because I love them and I believe in the things that they say.
Now when I grow up other people come into my life and eventually, I fall in love. I would want to spend my life with the person I love but then my parents are under the pressure (fear) of society. They think about the world more than they think about me.They are also scared I might not be happy. But in the midst of all this, I am losing my chance to experience the love and the decisions that I DID have the right to take by my self.
My parents would pressurize me and tell me that I could not possibly get married to someone they do not approve of. I think to myself if this is the price I have to pay for the love that my parents have given me then I will. I can’t hurt them even if they hurt me. Afterall, they are thinking of my happiness but deep within I want to break free from the fear that they and the soceity imposes on me.
I hope that I find the courage to so SOMEDAY!
Thanks for initiating the topic! :)
but parents start a circle …we fill our children with simple fear in the beginning…” if you do not eat your food bad Witch will come…and we all grownup on “Cinderellas” and ” Dorothy’s” and we all waiting our flying monkeys all our life
for parents it’s safety first, and that is how it should be,
like evertything else fear is to be used wisely, specially on children, total lack of fear is also not desirable, till one goes beyond fear.
let’s not blame parents indiscriminately, the people who blame their parents should also look into their own beahiour at that time, maybe part of the problem lies with teh children too.
love
aditya
“What am I afraid of….WHAT AM I AFRAID OF?”….I am afraid of asking this question….May the universe grant me the strength to ask this!
So many countless moments I have now stored in me having believed it is as they say it is, and may not even be able to UNBELIEVE this…but I must…
I have always sensed a difference and a wondrous beauty within, yet I BELIEVED THEM, even though sometimes, and almost always, they are not there…I guess WOE UNTO ME FOR MY ALREADY ESTABLISHED BELIEF…
Beware of what you believ as it becomes your experience…I FEAR NOT!
abbi
O medo é instintivo, sabemos, irracional por muitas vezes, paralisador e destrutivo. Mas também é um importante freio numa situação de ameaça ou perigo. Ninguém gosta de sentir medo, nos fragiliza, nos põe no absoluto escuro.
Quantas vezes em nossas vidas precisamos vencer o medo, nos convencer de que ele está nos cegando à verdadeira situação? Faz parte da vida de cada um de nós enfrentá-lo ou respeitá-lo, e compreender a diferença dessas duas situações.
Quanto ao uso do medo para manipular as pessoas nada mais é do que se valer de uma fragilidade da qual ninguém escapa. Pode ser usado de forma covarde e manipuladora, mas pode ser usado para frear alguém que está à beira de um abismo.
Imagine se não tivéssemos medo…Não dá para imaginar sem relacionar isso ao caos. Precisamos vencer nossos medos, não deixar que eles nos paralizem, porque eles servem também como nossos inimigos lutando contra nossos sonhos. Mas é um instinto natural e vital para que continuemos vivos e lutando. Saibamos então conviver com ele.
I don’t know but I am usually faced with fear.. Maybe because of the things I’ve gone through. It make me feel restless. I just hope this fear will go away.. With all these problems I am encoutering, I have to gain courage.. a lot.
no it will not go away …we already learn how to live with million kind of fears…”they” rule with fear”…it is just that sometimes we have improvise “tools” to fight different fears…
for example …you are costumer in a store…you buy “stuff” because you need them right???how many pro-cent of the time you buy something out of fear….??? even f…ing toilet paper we buy because we fear that our supply at home run low hahahha…Aleth it is part off live…just simple you need humor in your life…I find that is great tool against FEAR…..LOL ….I USE THAT AS MY MAIN WEAPON :))))))
For me fear is a result of the wish to control,to be safe and structured.It is important for most of us to know what tommorrow brings,that the love of our partner remains,and so on.But this implicits something really terrible.We always want something,we interrupt,we can not let situations evolve.We always bring something into a situation,instead of being open for what will happen in it.If we would be able to keep a zero-point position in a situation,we would feel fear,because we would not know what will happen.
Or if we are able to cope with it.
But if we are able to surrender to the moment,we will experience that all of our skills and talents are instantly there.
And we can use them in a much better way,because now we act and react how it is really necessary.
And we learn how things are and not how they should be.
So in that sense fear distracts us from living here and now.
In considering this topic of fear and finding myself having a deep decussion about fear around 12 hours ago, I find myself ready to be fearless. Fearless means all the stuff I fear in this moment loses all power. Shall I live my life free or by what others would have me fear? Fear has definitely been a huge issue in my life. I find myself remembering a line from a spiritual book that says “when the indiviual comes to a certain place in spiritual growth all fear is useless”. So, I cast aside all free and embrace the freedom of being fearless! I ask for courage.
Much love to you,
Aimee
Greenland cap is melting; people are killed for their faith; bereft of their sexual integrity on way home from party; raped in care on orphanages, victims in traffic, in lack of a job to ensure their family a safe home …just examples that can trigger fear.
Fear might be a blessing for change. A natural instinct that leads to a state of super-alertness. A powerful tool in order to wake up and reconnect with source.
You are right – fear IS a ‘natural instinct that leads to a state of superalertness’.
The problem with intense fear however, is that once the event passes [for which the instinct served its purpose] then there is PTSD… a totally unnatural reaction whereby you become hyper vigilent, scared to go out alone, to be part of society etc etc.
It IS a powerful tool and one does feel a lot more connected to the source than in other periods… however, again, the natural state of organic peace and harmony is also lost… one becomes detached body/mind – as in stress… it is called depersonalisation and derealisation. This is far from a healthy position to be in – especially for long periods. One becomes a fragmented being with a puzzle of an identity!!
;o)
..since i was a child,i felt that feeling,down and up of my stomach..It says that,if the mother of unborn child yet,feels afraid or different emotions,thet feelings are transmited to the child on the long run,in life..So still,i didn t get ride of it..I know there is instinctual fear and ‘other’kind of fear..and only a good terapeut can help finding the real reason of these..
Growing up in a comunist country,as Romania-fear has been feelt every step token,as a daily routine..As a child,even,i asked myself,then-’whose to blame?’-my mother?or the sistem?..At an early age,i start practicing volleyball and that helped(of course without even knowing that time),in dealing with agresivity and fear feelings..and more of it..
Now,when the age of playing is nearly finito,i had again felt that tremoundos fear..I believe it has to do with the new sistem and all it’s happening around in the world,with the the daily controlabil sistem into unknow..Lot’s of fears this days,everywhere..i believe 80 procent of population is in need of a good terapeut..but,then-who’s controling the terapeuts?perhaps again-the sistem..and who’s controling the controlers?..Water is not safe to drink.Food is not safe to eat.Children is not safe to make.Aer is not safe to breathe..and how many suppositions.or realities..Informations are not safe anymore..Chips inplanted on bank card..a bit and it will be implanted on people..Home laptop-another form of control of ‘iluminates’..and the storys don’t start here..Again that ‘flus’ sickness-another form of ‘those’of killing people..And i’m thinking-how long we can deal and take the this fears?fears from fears..’till the ultimatum fear..which none has control…
In my perspective, COURAGE is not the opposite of fear….DETERMINATION is and sometimes ignorance helps.
The determination to survive turns fear into an interesting part of the challenge. This became evident to me when I had an interesting experience in West Beirut back in 1978 in the middle of the civil war.
Like many students in my neighborhood, I was preparing to take the official exam of the Intermediate Certification (Lebanese Brevet). To give a brief description of the Lebanese educational system, all Lebanese students are required to follow a prescribed curriculum which is put together by the Ministry of Education. Regardless of the students’ qualifications, they were expected to pass official exams which were designed by the Ministry of Education before moving up in levels. Interestingly enough, students in East and West Beirut were under the mercy of the Ministry and could easily be forced to cross the green line in order to take the exam at schools in the opposite half. These students have one of two choices: either cross the green line or repeat the academic year! I lived in west Beirut and unfortunately was scheduled to take the official exam at a school in East Beirut!
Dealing with mixed emotions and fear, I had to think really hard about the risk of crossing the green line toward East Beirut. The worst fear was from a Lebanese Christian militia called the “Phalanges”. I truly hated their guts!!!!!!!
In the end, I talked my parents into agreeing to my plan to cross the green line.
During the early hours of the exam day, I woke up to shouting from militia men outside our home in West Beirut. The militia men were wearing masks and apparently were after someone in our neighborhood. My attempt to take a peek from my bed room window to find out what was going on drove a number of AK47s towards me which sent me straight to the floor. In order not turn your stomach; I will spare you the details of the tragedy that took place that day.
Torn between staying put and taking the risk to leave our home, I finally decided to climb the fence of our house and walk away from the militia men towards East Beirut. Luckily, I saw a taxi and flagged it down. The taxi driver assured me that he knew the roads well and there was no need to worry. Sure enough, he headed east, took streets I never knew existed, and dropped me off in front of the school. No sooner than he drove off than I noticed that the school was empty and there was no way it would have been the right school! Those who lived in either half of Beirut during the civil war knew well that asking for directions was equivalent to committing suicide. The minute you ask for directions is the minute you admit that you do not belong to the area and most probably you become prone to being kidnapped. Thirty minutes of searching for the school went by with no avail. Finally, a red car stopped by me; a guy dressed in green that looked like a Lebanese soldier stuck his head out of the car window, and asked where I was going. Breathing the sigh of relief, I told him and was offered a ride to the school. The guy asked for my name and asked if I were Lebanese. I answered affirmatively for both questions. He said:” Say it and be proud…You are Lebanese and we should be proud of it. It doesn’t matter if you were Moslem or Christian. You are our future and we count on you.”
I was not surprised at all for the Lebanese army has always had the seeds of humility and leadership. Few minutes went by; we arrived at the right school and got dropped off at the school gate. I thanked him numerous times as he was driving away. I noticed that he drove few meters, made a U-turn, and headed back to where he came from. Apparently, he was not really going in the direction of my school. He just went out of his way to drop me off at the right place. No sooner than he passed by me than I saw him raising his left arm and waving again with a genuine smile. To my surprise, on his upper left arm was a symbol that I hated so much…..The militia symbol of the Lebanese Phalanges party! I could not believe my eyes!
I did not feel any touch of fear not until I came back home in West Beirut and reflected on the experience.
Ali Shami
“In the good times, our smiles get bigger. In the bad ones, our hearts.”
Dear Ali
I can not begin to imagine how daily life is for you
and I know little of the green line.
I only know that the ordinary folks of Beirut are incredibe spirits living extraordinary lives; and that you are in my thoughts and prayers always.
I like the quote very much also ;o)
Dear Ali,
I’m not sure I would have made the effort you did. Compared to you life has been handed to me and still I do not show the strength you do. How brave you are. Thank you for sharing your story which touched me. I wrote your quote down as it has been on my mind since yesterday when I read an earlier comment of yours :)
Hi Ali !
determination is what gives us courage to act despite fear.
what is the fight there about, i mean christains and muslims have been fighting there, since when? why ?
nice sharing, hope u chaps find peace and as u have said, bad times make our heart grow bigger
love
aditya
Dear Ali Shami,
Wow, I thought I had test anxiety! The situation you describe is beyond belief. How brave of you to go ahead and pursue your goals. It is great when what we fear the most, turns out to have a heart after all. Yes, often facing our fears is the only way to beat it.
Good luck with your education!
Love,
Heart
Whatever Paulo has mentioned is a universal truth.Except for the color of our skins,families habitating all across our planet are practicing the same mode to perfect their controls over their fellow beings.It is a compulsion to live with this phenomena because by the time we learn to master this trick,we ourselves fall in this vicious circle.Anyway,these days I have gathered the ability to tackle fears of all types and I think they call it COURAGE……..
Cheers!!
whatever no body has ever mentioned is a universal truth ! including this statement dear ram !
let’s once again not fall in the trap of starting to worship the messagnger at teh cost of shifting our attention away from the message.
love
aditya
Fear is not separate from our thoughts, it is present in all of our thoughts per our own individual experience and conditioning. We cannot assume to understand or relate to another’s fear, only our own. Their maybe collective fear, like in times of disaster, but personally our fears are our own. We live in a society which promotes individuality but kills it at it’s earliest appearance, we are all taught to believe in the same life, in the same patterns, so it follows that many of our fears in life would be similar. But sadly it has been my experience that overcoming one’s fears requires a deep deep understanding and acceptance of one’s self, this is not an option for many… in fact many people don’t even seem to accept their physical being, how then can they ever connect to their mental being?
At birth we are assigned a Family Icon, an unconscious – for the most part – role that we are expected to play in relationship to the whole. To be free we must smash this icon, which can become very difficult, especially for those whose iconography dovetails with a compassionate, empathic element in their own essence… Many people, perhaps most, live their entire lives behind the mask of the family icon, and thus never live as their authentic, individuated self…To become who we truly are – to release ourselves from the slavery of fear – we must literally become iconoclasts of the most daring sort…
Fear arises when we hold beliefs which contradict our desires. Those who also suffer such a split instinctively seek release for themselves by projecting their own limitations and disempowerments outward, upon others… That’s not the same as the intentional manipulation, the calculated triggering of fear response for the sake of battle – as in the case of negative power structures (governments, media, etc..)
To understand that nature of reality and use that understanding to shift ones own belief structure, ones own habitual thoughts and emotional responses.. this is what dispells fear.. Love – to feel truly loved and truly known – dispells fear. Fear is the ultimate disempowerment. Anger is a step up from fear, and it is natural for depressed or fearful individuals, or groups, to attempt to regain balance by moving into anger… Since our culture has so little awareness of the role emotion plays, we drug them or isolate them or shame them back into submission and disempowerment…. Your books, dear brother, awaken the voice of the soul, and this is surely what dispells the illusion of disconnection from our Spirit, which is terrifying. In this, you are a great healer, and we thank you…
Interesting thoughts Victoria.
This is another aspect of fear for sure!
You have said it very nicely. I’d like to point out that you say, ‘culture has so little awareness of the role emotion plays’ on the contrary, I believe they know very well, and even that, the drugging and isolation etc. is a form of control! Don’t you think so? I’ts been quite common in history.
Anyways, I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you!
love
C.
The issue is a broken system.
Unfortunately fear is often used to reach a self-serving agenda. A congress should be able to question their president. The media should be able to question their government. A citizen should not be fed ‘opinions’ falsely identified as news.
A more accountable system is needed to be able to identify lies (which include fear tactics).
At the family level, education is needed. Parents should ask their kids “how do you feel” and “what would you change” once in a while. Unfortunately parents that are afraid themselves, will likely transfer this fear…
I paid a great price by following that fear. I am trying to teach myself that it is NOT natural to follow that fear. That fear has been imposed from outside of me in order to control me, possibly to force me to do things that are not in my best interests. Usually the stronger I feal the fear, the more I should calmly resist. At the moment I am struggling with facing the fear instead of burying it in improper things like food.
Dear Patty
Congratulations, you are on your way…. you recognise what triggers your craving. Fear.
My heart goes out to you, be strong, you can do it. We are all scared, in one way or another of something at sometime if not all times, we have to overcome it, and you are not alone.
The struggle means you are fighting, and when you are fighting you stand a good chance of beating it. So keep on.
Lots of love to you, we must learn to love ourselves most of all and fight against this malice, and thank you so much for your refreshing honesty.
Lots of love
Pandora
I’VE BEEN READING YOUR BOOKS PAULO AND THEY ALL INSPIRE THE SOUL TO DREAM,TO CONQUER ,TO LOVE AND TO BELIEVE IN A GOD OR A POWERFUL FORCE AND THE VIRGIN MARY .THE VIRGIN MARY ..THE QUEEN OF PEACE OF MEDJUGORIE …HAVE YOU BEEN TO MEDJUGORIE? WHEN WE HAVE A GREAT BASE OF FAITH THERE IS NO FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN AND OF THE RISKS WE SHOULD TAKE OR THE DISTANCE WE SHOULD TRAVEL. I GUESS YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN BLESSED BY BRINGING YOU BACK TO YOUR PARENTS RELIGION AND ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED 5 TIMES I STILL BELIEVE LOVE AND DESIRE IS WHAT MOTIVATES YOUR SOUL TO INSPIRE YOURSELF AND OTHERS .THE TRAVELING YOU DO TO ALL THE BLESSED PLACES AND YOUR GREAT ABILITY TO INTERPRET IS SO POWERFUL THAT I CANT SEE YOU IN FEAR OF ANYTHING ELSE THAN WHAT YOU ALREADY CONQUER …TO PUBLISH YOUR FIRST BOOK WAS PROBABLY VERY SCARY AND HERE YOU ARE MANY YEARS LATER STILL CAPTIVATING READERS .
LIKE YOU WRITE IN LA BRUJA DE PORTOBELLO IS NOT THE ONE WHO TEACHES WHO IS A MASTER BUT THE ONE WHO INSPIRES HIS STUDENT TO BE THE BEST HE/SHE CAN BE … I GUESS YOU TOO CAN CONSIDER YOURSELF A MASTER AND A STUDENT AND THANKS FOR THE LESSONS THAT IN EACH PAGE YOU TEACH US AS WE READ …BECAUSE YOU INSPIRE AND GIVE US GREAT PERSPECTIVE OF LIFE IN DIFFERENT VIEWS BUT ALL END UP IN THE SAME PLACE ..WHERE LOVE IS THE DRIVER ,GOD THE CO PILOT AND WE ARE ALL BOUND BY OUR DESTINIES TO MAKE CHOICES BUT NEVER TO STOP BELIEVING IN DREAMS .
TODAY WHEN I WENT OUTSIDE I BREATHED DEEPER AND LOOKED AT THE VIEW OF THE LAKES AND THE TREES IN A DIFFERENT WAY…I FEAR NOT BEING ABLE TO KNOW THAT WHERE I STAND IS WHERE I SHOULD BE BUT GOD PUT ME HERE SO WHO SHOULD I FEAR?
I HOPE THAT YOU ARE WELL TONIGHT AND WHEREVER YOU ARE MAY YOU KEEP ON LEARNING AND SHARING WITH US!
THANKS ,CUQUI
Beautiful writing Cuqui!
Love
C.
Yes beautiful.
Cuqui-
I had to look where Medjugoje was In Bosnia Herzegovina. I did not know.
I am picturing Love as the driver and God as the co-pilot…. Nicely said.
Cookie, yammie
Love
:)
Marie-Christine
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
where are yooooooou? Desperately seeking you.
We must be due for a “Question time again”
COme back sooooooooooooooooooon please.
XXXXx
Marie-Christine
Thinking about question time, Paulo, I saw something that really tickled me.I found it on reddit under the topic “starring at a blank wall” It is from Mr fisherman – a friend of Ernest no doubt -
He said ” “Gordon Brown is an expert on this topic” Really? ..I can’t wait for his explanation……. I was laughing so loud in the bed just thinking about it. I hope I did not wake up the neighbours…
Also , la video “El vencedor esta solo de You tube ‘ es muy buena . Puede encontrarla en friendfeed.
Donde esta Carlitos? Quizas, se ha ido de vacaciones?
Un beso
Marie-Christine :)
Girls… what’s with all this shouting? I can hear you from here ;)
You girls are really funny! Curves are very feminine…
It’s all in the attitude, and y’all seem to have it! :)
love
C.
Is very amusing here.
Thank you
Fear is an aspect of our survival instinct. The instinct to survive is human nature and is in all of us. It doesn’t matter if you are born a female or male, rich poor, with many diploma’s or degrees. Fear spans all races, religions and generations right back to the beginning of time. Fear is an emotion for our survival and we just need to work out the fear that is coming from ego and not from our higher selves/intuition. But that is a whole other topic.
In the early eighties I was involved in the peace movement. I went to a conference on peace education. We were asked to describe what we meant by peace. I tried hard with my group to define peace. Couldn’t do it. But we did agree it was incompatible with fear. Where fear was, peace could never be. Even if there were no overt violence. In fact, total fear in any social situation would preclude overt violence. It would be unthinkable on the part of the led. And unnecessary on the part of the leaders. So we must be most suspicious of a society without overt violence, for it may be a society controlled through fear, and hence without the possibility of peace at any level.
So it is covert or hidden violence, especially fear, that is most insidious and damaging in our world, rather than overt or physical manifestations of violence.
Fear
As I understand it Paulo had it separated in 2 kind of fear. One is nature’s fear that was given to us by the divine power to protect us from being hurt and the one is made by mankind, although I think there 2 kind of that fear also. I would say one truly realized/being made for some own reasons and the one we produce without realizing it.
The first one is the obvious one, to dominate, to rule and fence other to do, act, follow what some person or group wanted them to do., again thank you Mr. George W. Bush…right?
The other one is far more complicated, because this one is generated without knowing. It is the fear that is being shared also. For example, if I have fear to be less frightened I would share the fear, until it becomes everybody’s fear. Fear to be the somebody you want to be, fear to take the change of being truly happy, fear to act, where actually the act, the way, is bringing us towards our dreams. The path of bravery is also a path with stones of doubt and fear. But go thought the clouds and you will emerge on the other side with immense feeling of joy. I remember, it was 1991 or two, hmm, it was sometime in the nineties. My brother and I were in Faaker sea, a beautiful small lake between mountains in Austria. At the morning after breakfast we were a bit bored and went to the lake. It was still very foggy, we had maybe something like a 3 meters vision. We decided to took a small boat at our hotel and row it out to the lake. It was quite frightening because you could hardly saw anything. It was like being in the horror movies, but somehow it was challenging for two teenage boys. Not for long, right as we were in the middle of the lake, the sun had rise and the fog begun to disappear. We sat there and felt overwhelmed with joy, the mountains are emerging and the lake had opened her heart for me, so beautiful. At that time I promised my self to go there someday for my honeymoon….
So much to fear, I would say step out, look at the fear, realize what it is, control it, and have faith. See it as the cloud. As soon as it disappears, you would see how beautiful it is. You would be glad that you had the courage to walk your way. Life is incredible, having so many uncontrolled surprise, uncontrolled turns but somehow turning and bringing us further. Don’t let fear border you.
See it just like a curtain before an opera show. Just let it last five minutes to remember of great show to come, after that, enjoy the show…..
Regards and love
Sebastian Boenardi
Hello Sebastian,
Thank you for sharing your story. I love the ocean so I thoroughly enjoyed your story.
love
C.
Fear, it’s an energy, like a cancerous disease that creeps in our souls and takes over our entire being. The source is always from outside, trying to ignite that ‘Fear’ within. But ultimately, it arrises from inside, even though it is triggered by stimulus coming from the outside.
Some stimuli are real such as in the face of real danger say in the presence of a Tiger in a jungle, or it can be a perceived fear. Although, if it is felt, it is real either way, yet in the latter case, it is triggered from memory in response to a stimulus which in reality is not a real threat.
I believe the main way to rise above fear is to first be aware of its presence, then look at it in the eye, and it will disappear. Like Paulo did with the dog in The Pilgrimage.
Love
C.
Hi Carolena,
Could fear in the presence of a tiger be perceived as well? Even though the tiger is physically there. I’m sure it would take some spiritual training, but you could probably overcome it and live in harmony with the tiger, no? Is this what you mean by looking it in the eye? I like that.
Blessings!
Sev
Fear is controlling, when we let it consume us it can drown us like an enemy holding us under water. We often think about the things that have happened and they cause fear, we think about the things that will happen and that causes fear… and those things that what could happen.
Not letting my energy be drained from fear is hard, but I keep winning and keep chasing it down.. so that I will follows my dreams.
When I was little my mom used to keep roaches in bottle and she will put it in front of me to make me finish my homework. Once during piano practice, she put a knife on the table and threatened to cut my ears off if I don’t get the keys right. My mom regretted her actions and apologized to me. She’s not an evil person and I forgave her. But I have since developed an acute fear for roaches, even paranoia about it. I haven’t gotten a grip of this fear and sometimes it really paralyses me. I want to break out of this fear but I am not sure what to do…
Wow, that’s some sever form of discipline, ouch!!! Sorry to hear that Bel!
If you want to get rid of your cockroach fear, get someone to put a cockroach in a jar, put it in front of you, and stare at it for as long as you feel bad while looking at it. As time elapses, you will see that many emotions and feelings will come up, but they Will go away, until there are no more triggered memories that give you a paralyzing feeling.
Hope it helps, let me know if you try it and how it turns out!
love
C.
Also,
once you are clear of these unwanted triggered emotions, you will gradually be able to touch the jar and may even be able to open it and let the cockroach out, and even touch it.
yikes!
Good luck!
:)
Omigosh Bel, when I read your comment I just wanted to give you the biggest hug. It made me sad for your inner child that you still carry that instilled fear with you. I would recommend speaking to someone professionally who can help you leave your fears behind because if you have the ability to forgive your mother, you have the ability to move beyond this. Be kind to yourself.
Holy shit. Your soul understands and loves unconditionally, but the traumatized child still needs to process and release that… A gifted and evolved guide or healer can lead you through such a process… if you’ve never gotten outwardly, expressively angry about it – you will benefit hugely to do so. You needn’t bring your mother into that at all, it is your process, but you must express your rage at having been violated. Your forgiveness exists on a higher frequency than the trauma, which calls for expression in order to release…
May I tell you a good, funny cockroach story – but don’t worry; one that I have been the ‘butt’ of the jokes/teasing.
I was in Saudi as a baby and had the nickname ‘Cockroach Cate’; this was given to me by family work friends who lived in the same apartment block.
For reasons unbeknown to me, I used to be found happily munching on cockroaches in the house… ok, it was worse, in the bathroom . Yikes… how yucky!!!
Anyway, today I am still here and those friends are still friends – but I have not lived the name ‘Cockroach Cate’ down ;o)
Good luck to you! x
Dear Bel,
I can certainly sympathize with your feelings toward roaches, because I once lived in an apartment building that was so infested with wood roaches (those big flying roaches with wings) that I would have to pull the covers up over my head at night and tuck them in around my body in order to sleep. Still, I could feel and hear the roaches hitting the covers, landing on me and crawling across my body. More than once I accidentally pushed the covers off my head at night and awoke with a cockroach crawling across my face. No bug spray would help, because it wasn’t just my apartment; it was the whole building. And when I would try to chase one of the things down and smash it, inevitably it would fly right at me.
As a result of that experience, to this day I HATE cockroaches with a passion. And I don’t use the word “hate” lightly. Hate is not a word that is generally a part of my vocabulary. I strive not to hate anyone or anything, but roaches are the one exception. I hate them for being so bloody aggressive that they come at you instead of running when you chase them. I hate them for terrorizing me night after night in that apartment. Now, any time that I catch a glimpse of a roach, I go after the thing with passionate intensity, knocking over furniture if I have to in order to get at, and when I do, I smash the thing even with my hand if I have to. I smash it to bits, until there’s nothing left of it.
Now, having said all of that, I think your situation is much more complicated and, no doubt, far more painful. The roach in your fears may even be your mom in disguise, or even hurtful, malicious people in general. If I were you, I would look for a good Jungian analyst, who can help you confront, understand and overcome this fear. I say a Jungian analyst, rather than a Freudian therapist, because a Jungian analyst will take you beyond the psychological level to the spiritual level and there assist you in dealing with this deep trauma and the resulting fear. They will also not treat your issue as a “psycosis” or abnormality – a “problem” merely to be “fixed” or remedied – but as a normal and perfectly natural challenge that has arisen in your life, from deep within your psyche, offering you the opportunity for growth.
As Jung once said. “One doesn’t become enlightened by imagining figures of life, but by making the darkness conscious.” The cockroach is an aspect of your own psych trying to emerge from the shadows. When you learn to bring it out into the light, it will no longer frighten you.
A therapist, on the other hand, will merely tell you to shove it back into the darkness from whence it came and pretend it doesn’t exist, perhaps take a pill that will help you to forget it. As one well recognized Jungian source states: “The goal of analysis is to bring the patient awareness and understanding of what was formerly unconscious, whereas the aim of therapy is often merely symptom relief.” I say, drag that blasted roach up out of the darkness and fling it out into the bright light of your conscious awareness. There you will conquer it and there your fear will end.
Much love to you, Bel!
Sincerely,
Savita
Deep down and in some cases widely on the surface of a man, zeal and envy are encarved. Any person in any place wants to be the best and seeks to be at the zenith, above everyone else. People generate fear into others peoples mind, to prevent and halt an adventure, a journey not traveled. Society feels trapped into a box circled by four walls and no doors, further feeling compeled to adhere to fear to keep them outside those endless boundaries. Fear is also a way to cover for instinct and faith, as it takes over. If we’re paranoid by the idea of fear, then there is no faith.
In Europe for example, where there is television, news, and very organized institutions, there is a tremendous amount of blandness and sadness. I went to a village in Ghana, where there is no electricity, no television, no mobile phones, and the people seemed happy. It seems to me that people in modernized countries live in the fire of stress, anger, and frustration whereas the people in less technology-adapted places live happily and peacefully.
Fear implanted in someone, is to control them, and to control chaos. But fear should only take place, when it is really needed. If fear is implanted in someone for a useless reason, then a lot of dreams, journeys, adventures, and novelties would be succumbed. I feel fear prevents people from living the fullness of life.
For some context I’m 41, male and writing from the UK.
I think the use of fear and manipulation is endemic within my society. The main tool of control is the high price of securing shelter which we all need (or believe we do). High rents or mortgage payments are a high percentage of income for the majority who earn the average wage or less. Threats to the ability to make these payments are an easy way of manipulating people through their fear of losing their home. The media is saturated with threats to the power people have to meet their payments. More so at the moment in global economic crisis but they are never absent in even so-called economic ‘good times.’ Very few people are able to feel secure about their place where they can exist comfortably in the world.
This is just the main trenche of societal manipulation through the mechanism of fear. There are many others and none more powerful than those used between individuals in families and other relationships. I believe that the endemic nature of fear in my society leaves most individuals with a greater experience of everyday seemingly groundless and nameless fear and through that fear a greater sense of the need to control that experience by manipulating what they can in their environment. This leads to distorted relationships and distorted selves as we both manipulate and are manipulated.
How we are able to lessen or resolve this experience of fear is one of life’s great challenges. I am currently trying to work this out for myself. I think freedom from manipulation and fear can only be won by at first eliminating it from the most personal relationships including that with myself and establishing a place of peace with which to face the rest of life. I’ve tried to detach from the more toxic relationships and associations I’ve had and although I have lost some of the fear that was driving my choices it is still very much there and still very much hampering my ability to express myself in the world. To really live.
My next step is to thoroughly examine what I believe about life and my life in particular. What do I actually value free from societal and other pressures to conform? How am I going to express these values in the choices I make? Now that seems a worthwhile journey to continue on.
Dear Colston,
I think it’s admirable that you are at least searching for answers. Best of luck on your exciting adventure.
I am trying to understand why I am so afraid to be happy. Maybe because I’ve been rebel regarding some fear that family people tried to input in my soul. These rebel actions had some bad results that made me going therapy nowadays to understand it all…
Dear Jose,
You’re not the only one who is afraid of happiness. I am too and I question myself regularly as to why I am this way. Why do I make things so difficult when a happy life is so simple? Yet I continue to do this. One day I’ll figure it all out and I’m sure I’ll have an ‘aha’ moment! I hope you do too.
A princípio o medo serve ao próprio ser humano para controlar seus instintos contra ameaças externas. O problema passa a ser quando esse medo é exagerado. E a sociedade, incluindo a família adoram usar esse artifício para nos controlar, embora algumas (raras) vezes seja para o nosso próprio bem.
O problema é que o efeito é exatamente o contrario: o uso do medo para manipular, gera revolta quando isso é percebido, e consequentemente a pessoa faz tudo o que não “deveria” fazer.
Eu também já fui e sou vítima desse artifício, mas também já sofri as consequências da minha própria rebeldia, o que, acredito, me tornou ainda mais inseguro.
No momento faço terapia pra entender tudo isso…
Hola Jose yo también estoy en twister.
Me ha gustado tu exposición, es verdad que el miedo se encuentra ya en nuestro cerebelo donde tenemos el instinto de supervivencia, su nombre ya lo indica. Esto era muy importante en la Prehistoria para sobrevivir ahora tendríamos que avanzar y crear la intuición que nos lleve a rechazar o aceptar todo aquello con lo que tomamos contacto y así seremos más libres. Un paso más en la evolución.
Un beso.
Hi…
Fear is a frontier, a limit, only it.
Se me permite, acho que a questão não é o limiar de medo, mas o de coragem. Não importa o condicionamento, o que me ensinaram, preciso de muita coragem para colocar meu medo em seu devido lugar todos os dias. Eu sei que vou me machucar se pular no abismo. E, cara, eu sei que vai doer. Mas e daí? É só dor. Enquanto eu estiver caindo, vou saber o que é liberdade, diferente dos que tiveram medo demais pra pular.
E assim, faz-se a vida.
O medo geralmente nos faz recorrer à ociosidade, alegando o medo da ação. Se receberdes, pois, mais rude tarefa no mundo, não te atemorizes à frente dos outros e faze dela o teu caminho de progresso e renovação
Esse medo que a sociedade utiliza para nos assustar, não me assusta!
Eu sei que há perigos, mas isso não me assusta e nem me priva. Fico apenas atenta.
Mas a ameaça que sofri no decorrer da minha vida é o que mais me assustou, a pessoa mais proxima e que mais amo, sempre quis que eu seguisse caminhos e sonhos que não eram os meus. E toda vez que eu saía da linha, sofria e temia o que poderia acontecer. Meus pais, me cobraram tanto e tudo, o tempo todo. Pago um preço alto por não ter seguido meus sonhos. Hoje me afastei, pois tenho medo das pessoas, por quererem sempre algo que não sou. Temo estar errando, temo não estar agradando. Estou só, por achar que sempre escolho a pessoa errada. Esse é o meu medo, medo de errar! Nunca tive coragem de seguir meus sonhos, pois ainda hoje e após anos, minha família me impede de caminhar…
Fear is a way to control others. It dates back far in civilization. Both governments and religions have used fear to keep people in order (as they see it).
Individuals (including myself) have fear either based on experience (a situation that resulted badly) or unknown (perceived outcome). I do believe one must take fear head on and push through barriers. (Easier said then done.) Most of my personal growth has been established by pushing myself through fear.
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