Sexuality and Spirituality. Why sexuality is a taboo for most religions? Why should we repress something that was given by God to us in the name of, we don’t know why? Our conversation this week is about how do you exercise your sexuality in a sacred way, and also to understand why society and religion tends to repress this important part of our lives.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Paulo
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
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I found this blog, because I am researching the question: how do spirituality and sexuality go together? Sexuality today has become very difficult – after eons of suppression the pendulum has swung the other way – you are free to do everything you desire! Free? No. Not as long as my ego has control over me! We struggle with our recurring patterns of thoughts and emotions, based on fear and separation. We want to go back home, home to oneness, home to love, home to god. For a split second, we can feel this oneness in sexual union – but then the veils of our ego descend again and we are back in separation.
Sexual union, and the bliss that can come with it, must be a mirror of union with the dvine, but when it falls into the hands of our egos, the result is what is happening in our world today: “sex sells” and “sex is sold”. What could be a very sacred act, the divine union between male and female to the point of dissolution of the individual ego, has been commercialized. This happens to everything revolutionary. Christ was commercialized into the Christian Religion where essence was lost to dogma. Music, the language to speak to and remind you of god, has become a business of beats. And sexuality is used to sell and manipulate. The media are full it, and we are told it is extremely important to have lots of it and fulfil and even focus on sexual desire. But when people do so, the fulfilment is mostly shallow and it only leads to wanting more and the focus remains on the low vibration of desire rather than the vibration of striving to fulfil ones highest potential.
We have no valid education when it comes to handling sexuality. Many spiritual paths favour renunciation – you stay away from it because you cant handle it. But sexuality is a very powerful force – remember those teenage days when you were first swept away in its waves? Being told to stay away? Forget it!
I am curious to find out what the great teachers of mankind had to say about the topic and what guidelines they gave – and what do todays teachers say? If you know, please point them out, since I am still in the process of discovering my own inner wisdom teacher. : )
expression of love is not dependent on physical relations……there is another form of love…platonic love……but that doesn’t mean that having sex is wrong….its a sacred thing…..given to us by god…..but making it a way to take out our frustration is the worst thing……taking it as a way of making money,,,having fun is wrong……the act of having sex is sacred but not for those who are desperate to make relation with anyone…but for those who are truly in love
for religions its been a taboo because it brings attachment…..attachment to this physical world……and as a human being our aim must be reaching
God…..we can’t go near Him if we have materialistic love……that’s why “ashram” system was introduced in India…..according to it between the age of 26 to 50 you can have family then you slowly start giving up all attachments…..and slowly move towards Him…start concentrating on Him….thus you come nearer to God….but we don’t follow that system today….probably that’s why sex is a taboo in religions…
Holy Matrimony and Spiritual Sexuality
by Rabbi Allen S. Maller
Most Jews know that sexual activities between a husband and wife are a Mitsvah. Many Jews know that lovemaking on Shabbat is a double Mitsvah. Some Jews know that the Kabbalah (the Jewish mystical tradition) teaches that the Shekinah (the feminine presence of God) rests on a Jewish man when he makes love to his Jewish wife on Shabbat. Actually the Shekeenah can rest on a man whenever he makes love to his wife with a sense of reverence, tenderness, adoration and love. The Shabbat adds holiness and chosenness to their feelings. The key attitude is the sense that his wife is God’s gift, the source of his blessings, and the most wonderful manifestation of God’s presence.
But very few Jews know that if in addition to this attitude, he also makes love to his wife intentionally desiring to imagine a spiritual unification within the heavenly realm as he unifies the earthly one, he and his wife enact a great Tikun- a spiritual mending or uplifting. This Tikun is woven together with similar Tikunim from other married couples into a crown for the Divine One who also unites with His Shekeenah on Shabbat and Yom Tov. Just as the prayers proclaimed in each Synagogue are all woven together into a crown for the Holy One of Israel, so too are the holy unifications of each couple married under a Hupah woven into a crown.
In the past the esoteric details of how to elevate their lovemaking into a Tikun were transmitted orally and very discretely from mother to daughter. These details were based on the seventh chapter of the Song of Songs, a Biblical book that Rabbi Akiba proclaimed the holiest song in the entire Scriptures. A wife who desires to enable her husband to fulfill the Mitsvah of Tikun coupling should direct him to begin by kissing and creaming her feet (Song of Songs 7:2). Then she should direct him to slowly and reverently work his way up to her crowning flowing hair that entangles a King/God, (7:6) thus allowing him to climb the palm tree (7:9) and perform the unification below which is woven into the unification above. Over the years the spiritual uplift of this Tikun becomes greater and greater.
Even fewer Jews know that the holy Kabbalist, Rabbi Isaac Luria, developed several Tikunim to enable spiritually aware Jewish couples to use their imagination to repair fractured hopes and intentions in those around them, to elevate broken spirits both near and far, and to re-energize efforts to make life holy. All of this through a couple’s own lovemaking at night. These Tikunim are among those referred to as Tikunay Hatzot-mid night spiritual exercises. Every Jewish wife partakes of some aspects of Leah and some aspects of Rachel (the two wives of Jacob/Israel). Like Leah, every woman is potentially very fruitful, both emotionally and physically. Like Rachel, every woman is potentially spellbinding and enthralling. When her husband regards his wife as a gift from God and loves her totally, faithfully and submissively, his lovemaking and partnership being more to give her pleasure than for his own pleasure, he realizes and actualizes her blessings and God’s blessings. This is especially important when duress makes her weep openly or inside, All forms of Tikun Hatzot stress this.
Sexual activity prior to midnight increases the aspect of Leah. Sexual activity after midnight and in the pre-dawn or early morning hours increases the aspect of Rachel. Sexual intercourse with Leah, better known in Lurianic Kabbalah as the face of Imma, the great mother Goddess, helps to reduce negative actions and situations in family and personal affairs. Sexual intercourse during the second part of the night is with Rachel who ascends in the morning as Matronita, the ruling presence of Shekinah. Elevating Matronita helps avoid the worst case public scenarios we fear, and helps increases the number of small but important contributions to the improvement of Jewish and world society. One who regards his wife as a gift from God will pray in her intimate presence.
These Tikunim should be done every Shabbat and if desired once or twice during weekdays. They are not magic, nor are they imaginary, but if faithfully imagined they always have a positive impact over time. A Hassidic mystic, Rabbi Nathan Hanover, adds, “After you perform Tikun Hatzot, prepare yourself and unify the Holy One with Shekinah by making your body, each and every limb, a chariot for Shekinah.”-Thus sexual activity should end with the wife above, feeling she is Shekinah-the ruling Matronita blessing her husband by raising to heaven, with her husband below feeling that he serves as a mystical Merkavah-chariot (as did the Holy Temple in Jerusalem) elevating her to the heavens. This helps actualize the images in their thoughts and desires and promotes remedies, rectifications, and blessings for those around them and throughout the world.
All the above flows from the basic theology of Jewish marriage under a Hupah-canopy. Kiddushin-holy matrimony for Jews, is a reenactment by two individuals of the holy covenant first entered into by God and Israel at Sinai, when God and Israel first chose each other. God chose Israel saying, “You shall be a special treasure for me,,, a kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exodus 19:4-5). The Jewish people chose God by answering, “All that the Lord has spoken we will do” (Exodus 19:8). Torah is the Ketubah-marriage contract, between two covenanted partners. Mitsvot are their daily loving interactions. Torah Study and worship are the pillow talk between God and Israel. Tikunim- Kabbalistic mystical exercises, imaged meditations and sexuality are the intimacies of married life. The blessings of holy marriage extend far beyond the happy couple. As the seventh of the seven marital blessings says, they bring joy and happiness to the bride and groom and also to the cities of Israel and the streets of Jerusalem (a redemptive Messianic reference).
Sex and Spiritually…
Sex is a gift from god that can spiritually uplift us. Yet, Sex was and has still become a taboo subject for those who do not feel comfortable within their own bodies, with their genatalia, discussing matters of sex (within the right context) or never feeling it is okay for one’s body to be pleasured. Thus, the gift of sex alludes them.
When you can not fully grasp what a spiritual gift sex can be in the right context, you can not know how to exercise sex in a sacred way. I would say that the media has a lot of responsibility in the way it represents Sex as a mindless, base level act that fulfills your immediate primal needs, along with the way it preps women to act out Sex in a way that does not honor them.
No wonder there are people out there who feel shame and humilation not only with their bodies but with engaging in an act that has been respresented as Dirty and not as a Spiritual Gift.
Acredito que uma repressão moderada é necessária.Sem ser moralista,mas eu acho que temos que reprimir alguns impulsos nossos,para o nosso bem e para o bem de toda a sociedade(o excesso sempre faz mal).O sexo é divino mas também maléfico e como a natureza humana é bom e mau ao mesmo tempo.existem praticas sexuais que nos levam a decadência ao vício e ao narcisismo.
O sado-masoquismo,bondage ( uma forma de estupro),Voyeurismo,exibicionismo, coprofilia,Maieusofilia,necrofilia,incesto ( como exemplo o sexo entre uma mãe e um filho),Apotemnofilia,urofilia,Frotteurismo,pedofilia.
Se repararmos bem quase todas as religiões repreendem o sexo e eu não acho que seja coincidência,deve ter algum motivo.Pode ser por que o abuso do sexo pode nos levar a algumas dessas praticas de decadência como a pedofilia.Mas como eu tinha dito o sexo tem que ter uma repressão moderada e não autoritária, que nos faz infeliz.Temos que ser livres para nossas escolhas,mas temos que tomar muito cuidado para não entrarmos na decadência,como na antiga Grécia que era muito comum o sexo entre um adulto e uma criança ( pedofilia).Tenho a impressão que o mundo está caminhando nessa direção novamente.
Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions. I find many of them very insightful.
I wished that each participant had added their age to their name. It is interesting how our understanding of sex can change over time. Hormonal levels and gender are so powerful and can override reason, spirituality and any profound understanding. Nature has its tricks to maintain procreation. Salesmen have their tricks when they want to sell you something too – and sexual gratification is one of their biggest tricks.
There are issues of repression. But the biggest issue is staying sober and real under any circumstances when it comes to sex.
I’ve been completely abstinent since I was 14, no self exploration or anything since because of the shame I’ve been taught towards it all at home and at school hearing kids making fun of it and now, especially after trying to have a sexual relationship with someone 2 years ago, I regret it. I have vaginismus and am flatter chested than I would’ve been if I let myself grow and having sex makes me feel perverted and its not as great as I was taught it should be through the media.
When I think about it, I can see how great sex even on your own must be benificial to feel one with yourself, health wise and spiritually, but this is a quirk that’s advanced to the point it won’t happen. I’m 29 now and sexually frustrated and feel out of touch with myself.
I am 30yrs old, spiritual and sexual…
My sexuality like everything else in my life evolves and it evolves with every new insight, every new input and every new information i receive.
What goes in must come out, some how some way, it’s a natural human law.
It’s amusing sometimes to observe people who are clearly sexually frustrated trying to subdue an urge that is obviously uncontrollable.
It will get them to be workaholics, cleaning maniacs, fitness addicts, religious, all uptight and nagging, you name it and still they will not be aware that it’s just their sexuality finding a socially/morally acceptable outlet to meet the same needs/desires.
Now many of us decide to control what things we allow or don’t allow into our “temple” mostly because they clash with our morals/culture/religion or traditions, but the funny thing is this, that spirituality/spirit cannot exist without sexuality/flesh.
They need each other, they feed off each other, they are yin and yang.
What is sweeter than the forbidden?
The “forbidden” differs from person to person, even amongst those of the same morals or religion.
There’s more than 6 billion human beings, then there’s more than 6 billion perspectives to this life of ours.
The internet is a virtual reflection of our physical reality, most searched topic? Sex, not God!
Aren’t many of us nothing but a bunch of horny hypocrites then?
To my religious friends out there, didn’t jesus say forget the do’s and don’ts of the commandments, from now on if you think about sleeping with your neighbor’s wife you have indeed already screwed her ( well not in those terms ) Lol, but i trust that y’all know your scriptures well:-)
If the thought=the deed then what does that tell us?
And now more than before we are beginning to understand the power of thought and of the mind. (the secret)
Now since everything around me in this vast universe is in constant change including the universe it’s self, why shouldn’t I change either?
Change on all levels of my being, spiritually, sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally..
For me personally I can clearly see that my sexual journey in life has been just as rewarding and transcending as my spiritual one.
Through both I have communed with the divine and through both I have heard the angels sing Lol
I believe that in this life and here on this earth we do get to experience nirvana/heaven/paradise or whatever else one chooses to call it in different ways.
It has been said before that all roads lead to Rome and discussing this sexuality/spirituality topic am compelled to state that they indeed both get you to sing alleluia lol
There will always be someone who thinks that YOU don’t worship God the right way or even good enough or hard enough, just as there will always be someone who thinks you are having sex the “wrong” way.
The enlightened’s perception i choose to call it, the light shines SO bright upon them that they are compelled to shade some of it on those they believe to be “hellbound”:-))
My point is this, I don’t care much about man’s do’s or don’ts because they are nothing more than a hypocrite’s mantra recited from that high holier than thou “pedestal of righteousness”.
The divine knows and sees that which we conceal in our hearts and minds from our fellow human beings.
And believe it or not, the divine knows even that which happens behind closed doors. Lol
When being real to yourself, you are being real to the divine and that my friends…. is all that matters in this life, not other’s perception or opinion of you.
It’s not an easy task and it’s one that am still struggling with myself but i have tasted the reward and it’s divinely sweet:-)
Remember this, that no matter how outlandish you believe yourself to be, you are not that isolated, a least not any more, thank God we now leave in times like this where we can connect easily with soul mates, play mates and like minds.
Find them and be yourself!
i think sex is not a taboo it is so eternal and magical that it lead to union of two souls and lead to origin of the third soul……………..something that creates such a pure thing i.e.soul than how can be it a taboo it is a blessing…………..
Sexuality is expressed in the Catholic religion as “one flesh”
Chastity is a form of sexuality.
The bible gives lots of insight into a virtuous sexual life. If given in marriage, where the man and woman commit to Christ and to each other, it is considered a sacrament.
A sacrament means, to set apart.
sex is a chemistry , a wonderful chemistry between two,it becomes divine when two people surrender to each other and give unconditionally and receive without guilt.it is unfortunate the sex is a taboo.If it wouldn’t have been a taboo there would be no extra marital affairs ,no infidelity…who has made sex a taboo…not me
In “11 Minutes” you wrote a lot about sex Mr.Coelho, which is a book that I think a lot of men need to read:) A lot of men are not well enough educated about the subject:) In my earlier years I was looking for love and I thought sex was it, I thought that’s how you get it, boy was I wrong. Now having a man by my side who is the only one that really knows how my body works, sex is very spiritual to me, to both of us. I can not even think of another person but him, I guess that’s how you know when you found your soulmate:)
Why do religions and society repress it? I think because they want to protect the kids, who should be kids until they are old enough to hear about it. I have an exact problem with my son right now, he is 9 years old, I have bought couple books on how to talk to kids about sex, but it is much harder than I though it would be. I (when growing up) was given a book and my father said to me “here you will find everything you need to know in this book” needless to say it didn’t explain everything and I was “in the dark” for a long time.
I have a question for you Mr.Coelho, what is the best way to talk to kids about sex? I have though my son what are our sexual organs called but to talk about sex I still have no idea how to do that? Please help:)
hello everyone,,,
i think sex is not a taboo but it is something rude and not suitable to be to talk in public since it is a very private story between you and your parter where the two of you unite in the name of love,,and it is a gift from god but most of us nowadays suffered from it such as being raped because some of people wrong use it,,
sex should be done based on spiritual,,,if you know spiritual then you know what sex really is,,,marriage is the medium for sex,,,
Sex is beautiful with the right person and without we won’t be here.Its also a way to express love.
Interesting its something thats been on my mind for a while. I’ve struggled with finding my balance on this.
I was not sure where to leave this comment…
Mr Coelho, it is strange that in all your books I have read thus far, it seems a person’s first choice(a loved one), place or goal, must always be returned to!
1. Alchemist – shepherd returns to home town
2. Brida – doesnt stay with soulmate even though she found him
3. Zahir – reunited with each other (I dont want to spoil the plot of the stories so I am vague)
etc
If I were to TRUELY follow my dream (which has been hauting me for probably 6/7 years now) I would hurt a few people very close to me, and I would even have to leave my country
It seems that a re-accurring theme in your books would be to follow your heart but always return ‘home’ (meaning return to your first choice)
Is this really following your dream?
hi
coelho is right , just why? it is a taboo , we all go through this but nobuddy thinks why God has given us this power, not even taboo coelho i also want to share that most of the religions even banned r made few drastic customs which really keeps you at distant to even think about this taboo, i my self when freed from these tabooic situation first time felt divinity in me n first time i went to heavens through sex.
i request all of you to just think about it n find sipirtuallity through sex.
thanx n regards
sometimes i wonder that it may be about focus..the persons most attracted to religion and spirituality are usually seekers. seekers of knowledge and development that could not be achieved by other means. they may come feeling as an incomplete person. There is work to be done, and a journey to embark upon. in either case, preparations must be made, focus must be had. sex can be a huge distraction,it is a powerful expression of a moment between humans..whether in the form of power struggle or affections. even can manifest itself as an addiction. This can be very confusing/distracting to the mind of a person already seeking more in life and hopefully beyond. maybe abstinence builds discipline and strength. maybe in developing the will to resist something natural to humans itself, we can remember our conquests over ourselves (self mastery) and develop the will to resist that which may tempt us “to err”. maybe it develops pure (as in one focus) thoughts as a by product..you are committed to abstain, so you don’t want to entertain certain thoughts. now if you are committed to be peaceful you won’t entertain thoughts of war or hatred, or rather act upon them or allow them to fill your spirit/consume you..they just float past in your mind. i believe in balance..i am a martial artist..it is a way of life, and in training, pain is natural, even enjoyed. It is a teacher, you learn so much about your body and it’s limits, even your spirit. yet pain is also a warning/message to the brain/mind of violence to the body, and many people avoid it, because it does not feel good feels “unnatural” “uncomfortable”. If i were to eat ice cream while training, i could get hurt..or worse, never advance on the path i have chosen, because i am distracted.maybe when i am a master…THEN i can do both. LOL. maybe abstinence is the same. one thing at a time. mastery of self/spirit and THEN happier relationships/marriage?
We have mind, body, spirit. Organized religion is focused on spirit. They are wrong though to teach that pleasures of the body are taboo. To be centred, all three, mind, body and spirit must be in balance.
Sex is a beautiful phenomenon if you do it right. With that I don’t mean you that you have to follow some kinds of “rules”, I mean that you should do it at your way. But to have a lovley sex you just can’t handel it with only knowing your parters sensetive sides, the most important is to know your self.
If you having sex for the first time with some new partner you are taking the relationship to a higher level, it doesn’t matters if you want it or not. You are doing it by yourself, when you have sex (really good sex) you are opening you soul and your body sending out signals who show your rel personality.
Sexuality is a taboo for most religions because they do not want to accept women’s equality in sexual pleasure.It is one of the main problem. They are in denial and have been for centuries.The way women are portrayed in our society backs this up as well.
Sexuality is a taboo for most religions because they do not want to accept the rights of women to sexual pleasure.
Sexuality n spirituality are interrelated. Both the experiences of God. If you understand spirituality, sexuality is easy to understand in deeper sense. A flow from higher to lower is always easy. Both make us experience, what is lying beyond n what does not belong to this world i.e. “ECSTASY”.
LOVE YOURSELF TO LOVE OTHERS.
that,s true
Guys, will I love again?
…Of course, but only you will know when that will happen.
u need to beleive… if she cannot come back ever… then you will once again… if you want that…
If we’re scared of sex does that mean tgat we are scared of intimacy? If we’re scared of intimacy, how can we live a fulfilled life?
we are scared of sex with the wrong person… if it was a date, we can try thousand man to see and know… but when it comes to sex u dont want any mishaps… its a place which leaves you vulnerable and opened for others will, i need to know, one i open up with is one i shall cherish and love and is in god place for me. he is the one i am born for, one i cannot be dealt with anything other then resopect, love and deidcvation… and who is the one i am born from, born for. for me this man is next to God and if i dont feel this feeling for him, i am bound to avoid sex and which leaves me to avoid malke company who may tend to seduce me into wrongly beleiving they are the one when they are not… foring me to beleive wat i am wating for is not to happen… i know it will… it already has and i know it will be completed the dream is in the middle and will reach its end even if it is before my last breath. cuz i beleive… sex is my most imp need and i wont have it with anyone other then him. so i know he has to come back.
A few nights ago, I had sex with my boyfriend like I never had before. I experienced a surfacing of some force within me which took control, and in that moment I could hear some strange music, and I could see a light coming from where our bodies connected (even though the room was dark). I was scared, but I was curious and didnt stop, because the feeling was beyond anything I ever felt before. Sex reveals aspects of yourself to you, and brings you closer to understanding. It is the only means of truly entering another person’s world, in every way you are connected in rhythm, motion, you can feel exactly what they are feeling, and you can sense their thoughts. If they feel anxious, or worried, or if they are not enjoying it, you can absolutely tell. There is no fear, no care, only the purity of that moment. Our bodies were meant to collide, the act of copulating is powerful enough to procure a trance. I learned that sex can take you places you have never gone before. But this is only achievable with love. Without love, sex is simply a passtime, and will reveal nothing to you. Love the person you make love to, you will be surprised at what you experience, as I did. Love yourself, love your partner, love the earth, and love the Mother.
Blessings
dats sumthin worth givin an ovation to..he way in whch u hv sketched the purity of havin the sacred sex is in itself such a beautiful pieces that perhaps there isn’t any other way to describe the true meaning of the spirituality in sex….awesum
Sex is the purest form of expressing the deep love two people have for each other. only the frustrated prudes who are in self denial will shudder at your wonderful feeling. You have expressed yourself so well because it comes from the heart.
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