Sexuality and Spirituality. Why sexuality is a taboo for most religions? Why should we repress something that was given by God to us in the name of, we don’t know why? Our conversation this week is about how do you exercise your sexuality in a sacred way, and also to understand why society and religion tends to repress this important part of our lives.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Paulo
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
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I think when you see a deity in your partner and he does the same, then you can have a sacred sexual intercourse. The religions make it taboo, because they don’t want that the people sleep with everyone without thinking about it and only to satisfy the own desires. I think that’s correct to don’t only satisfy the own desire. Everytime when you sleep with someone, you give a piece of your soul away and if the other person’s inner stirrings are low or when a demon rules the other person, so you will pick up these lows inner stirrings and that could change your soul or disturb you. I wouldn’t risk that for only satisfying the own desires.
I belive that it is so, but I don’t know it, because I never slept with a man.
Three years ago, as I was by a boy, that I’ve really loved, he asked me to have an adventure in the bed with him, but I refused, because I knew, if I do that, it will not be good for him, not because the demons rules me, but because the sex had disturb him, because in that time he slept with many other girls, he only satisfied his desires and he didn’t see a deity in the in the girl he slept with.
I belive in God. But it isn’t only because I’m religious, it is because of the reasons I’ve written. I think it’s “healthy”/good, when you sleep with your partner, when you don’t only satisfy your desires.
(Sorry for the bad grammatic, my motherlanguage isn’t english)
LOVE, Jay
I believe exactly the same thing. That when you sleep with someone you give a part of your soul away.
Si cada uno dijera en un momento dado,
en sólo una palabra, lo que piensa,
las cinco letras del D E S E O formarían una enorme cicatriz luminosa,
una constelación más antigua, más viva aún que las otras.
Y esa constelación sería como un ardiente sexo
en el profundo cuerpo de la noche,
o, major, como los Gemelos que por vez primera en la vida
se miraran de frente, a los ojos, y se abrazaran ya para siempre.
—
If, at a given moment, everyone would say
with one word what he (or she) is thinking,
the six letters of D E S I R E would form an enormous luminous scar,
a constellation more ancient, more dazzling than any other.
And that constellation would be like a burning sex
in the deep body of night,
like the Gemini, for the first time in their lives,
looking each other in the eyes and embracing forever.
— Xavier Villaruttia
from “Nocturno de los Angeles”
wowee ..that’s a powerful poem from Xavier! ;o)
Ok. Carolena told some jokes earlier this week. And I have one for you too….here goes;
‘It has been found that 52% of women had used vibrators….and the other 48% bought brand new ones’.
I don’t know of any religious sex toys? Do you? Wouldn’t it be great if church would hand out such and say; ‘go and have fun’ :)
I saw what I would call a “religious sex toy” once, though I doubt it’s quite what you had in mind. When I was in elementary school, my best friend was Pentecostal. Her family was very strict in every sense – the women weren’t allowed to cut their hair, they wore dresses only, clothes that completely covered their bodies from neck to toe, the woman answered to their husbands’ every command, etc. But, despite this apparent prudishness, at my friends house, there was this object which was of great fascination to us as children: a plastic figurine of a monk, about seven inches tall, and when you would press down on his bald head, his penis would stick up and protrude out from between the folds of his plain brown robe. It was kept on top of the refrigerator, and we were absolutely forbidden to touch it. But, when my friend’s mom would go outside to take the clothes in off the line, we would get a chair and take it down, then roll with laughter, watching his “thingy” bob up and down. To me, as a child, it must have been one of the strangest, and probably the most sexually graphic things I’d ever seen. To this day, that little bald monk remains etched in my memory.
Nooo, Better they presnt to us some funny nice guys!!!That is fun.
Quite ingenious idea :P :P heheheeh
But maybe in this case men would come out of game.
Let them have a break than hehehehe :P :D
Dear Paulo and Conversants,
First, let me say that through my personal experience and academic learning I have come to understand that there are many threads that weave this fabric of sexuality in the Western cultures, and then many more threads that are bound in the fabric of religion. When they meet, it naturally follows that they will become tangled in places.
I would say that I disagree that all of sexuality is repressed by religion in the West. Certain aspects of sex have been discouraged. Many of the rules and expectations have developed from a desire to control or subvert in order to elevate a small set of sexual norms+values. Some of the religious laws are obviously a direct attempt to minimize the power of women in certain situations, while others were actually derived from the best known practices at the time. Take the book of Leviticus, for example. At the time it was written it represented the BEST KNOWN HEALTH AND SOCIAL PRACTICES. Some of the rules helped prevent disease like Trichinosis from pork, and others helped to maintain social security/stability by ensuring families knew whose kids came from which parents. I could go on and on about the apparent PRACTICALITY of many of these rules. I believe many of these religious rules governing sex and other things were actually based on positive intentions, but have become corrupted, exaggerated, or just shown to be scientifically incorrect over time.
Some of the rules were more obvious attempts to empower a control. And don’t forget that our desire to control others is not always conscious! I think this is an extremely important fact to consider when we are looking for causes for repression. Unfortunately many outdated rules linger in our cultures and unconscious attitudes.
As many responders have mentioned, there is a hefty amount of control, especially by men over women, in the norms and values in religious AND SECULAR culture. The realm of sex is another instance where religion codifies or creates doctrine or dogma around a chosen set of values – that already exists among groups of people. This is a known sociological phenomenon.
Peace,
Tim
Good point that you make, Tim. That the impulse toward repression is not always a “conscious” one. Men a hundred, or a thousand, years ago did not all get together in a meeting and say, “Hey, let’s vote! Let’s see if we can find some way to codify certain rules and norms that will serve to keep women out of power.” The repression of women has never been a “conspiracy” in that sense. For this reason, I don’t (unlike some feminists) see men as “the enemy.” However, that repression has been a fact. The point, I should think, is that we SHOULD be conscious, highly conscious of the rules and norms we impose and how those affect certain groups within our society.
In the community where I reside, for example, a hundred years ago no one here was a “racist.” No one thought of themselves as “racist” nor deemed anyone else a “racist,” precisely because racism was so taken for granted that no one considered it at all. Acts of blatant racism were seen as a natural extension of normal human relations, the simple imposition of the “natural” hierarchy and order of society.
So, in a way, I think this tendency toward unconscious acts of repression is just as dangerous if nor more so than conscious acts. The rules and norms that are so deeply ingrained in our collective subconscious that we scarcely take notice of them – these are the rules and norms that we most need to question, as these are the most deeply rooted sources of repression. To constantly question, to insist upon rational answers – TO BE CONSCIOUS – this, I think, is the key to the creation of a society wherein no one has to suffer from institutionalized or culturally ingrained repression.
It isn’t a matter of finding “who is to blame” or of pointing the finger at that someone. It is, rather, a matter of WAKING UP – each of us, as individuals, taking the responsibility to wake up and become highly conscious of what we have formerly taken for granted. We do have the power to shape our culture, the power to alter society in order to make it more equitable and just, but first we have to look, with open eyes, and make willful, intentional choices, with an open heart. We have to be conscious.
With Love,
Savita
and also i believe that getting married is sin.becouse too many people when they are married,they have sex not love.and they wish to make love to somebody else,but they cant,becouse of the lease.and if all the religions said that sex is sin without married,why should we follow them in getting married,and we dont follow them in having sex?
to me,having sex is sin. making love is not sin.and there is abig difference.
I like your point moe. In fact, unfortunately that happens and it is a pity.As start people get married because of their physical needs, but after some time…
However I think that we should never forget that marriage doesn’t only mean having sex or making love, it is more than that, it is a lease where two people share everything, not only their bodies or love.
Maybe a couple of married parents can give a better judgment on this.
Somos seres sexuales y seres espirituales, por lo tanto no tiene sentido negar ni nuestra sexualidad ni nuestra espiritualidad. Creo que si algunas religiones han pretendido ignorar la parte sexual, reduciéndola simplemente a un modo de procreación, es porque precisamente no han sabido cómo integrarla en un contexto espiritual. El ser humano ha tenido y tiene todavía muchos conflictos a la hora de conciliar esas dos partes suyas. Para mí, la sexualidad es como una puerta que puede conducir a experiencias espirituales muy intensas. Cuando AMAS a una persona, la amas en cuerpo y alma, el sentimiento se “apodera” de ti, no existen límites en la entrega. ¿Cómo no permitir esa expresión de amor? Si Dios nos ha dado un cuerpo es para que VIVAMOS en él.
The more it is forbidden the more it is wanted :P
But why it should be even such thing as natural and healthy as sex? At which point did things take this way and why? Religion is it right or not? Or better saying are we missing out something important? Maybe a little detail? Who knows…
Those are the questions I make myself.
I know truth will come out one day but in the mean time we keep living.
I really find it difficult to see sex as something wrong. I think it is something that it is supposed to happen. If God would have not wanted us to have sex he would have founded other ways to make us have children. He wouldn’t have created our bodies in such way that we could feel so much pleasure. I might be wrong but I dare to take as example those couples who can’t have children. They only can enjoy sex but not being blessed with children.
And if this is not enough lets compare for a little humans to animals. Fishes for example. They can’t have sex but still they can procreate. Everything has a purpose, each of God’s creation.
And we as humans have to privilege to love and think. We can put two minds, hearts, souls and skins together at once, make it the most noble of acts if we just want to. Look at how high goes all these.
“So let call all this a big shame.”
I have experienced something interesting this two last years. Something that I don’t do often, but just when I feel that I want to.
It has happen to have next tome people who was seek, with fiver or other physical pain, like headache or even just worst, where I’ve experienced what I m about to say.
I have been next to them and start I feeling sorry for them, I just wish them to get healed so suddenly I start remembering to myself how much I love them, and my love for them starts growing filling me with peace and joy. In the mean time I touch and caress those persons keeping them very close to me.
That what happens next is that they feel better. The fever has gone lower or they start feeling less their headaches.
I know why this happens, and please don’t think that I m a special case, because I needed to prove to myself that this is the miracle of love. Anyone can do it.
Of course I can never do it on myself. It looks so funny when I think about it…:P I cannot do it because I can’t feel love for my body in the same way that can feel it for someone else.I’ve tried that. I think nobody can. But maybe I m wrong.
I needed others experiences to be sure of my theorie and I had them.
If I would have done the same but just with prayers and no touching, I would haven’t got the same results.
I don’t know if you have heard about some Froid’s experiments about hugs and caresses. I’ve just heard abut that lately, but it seems that he did it because of some students who lived in a religious ambient and they couldn’t have any kind of sexual practice, so he found out that hugs and caresses are able to discharge sexual energies.
Another thing that looked interesting to me it was that according to some other researches scientist have found out that a living human body weight more than it does after he dies, after his soul has left the body.
I sad all that to make clear as I see sex. You see not just speaking about body’s need, but even our souls need it, and this is not just romantically speaking. Our skin is the point of their connection. At least as far as we are in this world.
I m 21 and I haven’t had sex yet. I think about it but rarely it happens to me to need it even though I don’t do anything.
It is not because of religion, but because I need at least to love the person who I m going to make love with, if not I don’t feel like willing to. I don’t know what it is. Maybe my daily activities or the fact that I don’t make sex’s absence a big deal. As I sad above :
“The more is forbidden the more is wanted.”
It may seem unbelievable the more time passes the peaceful I feel.
So I m just looking after my heart now. I think I would hate myself if I would act otherwise.
I m sure that it affects even the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend for the moment, but even when I have one that peace never abandons me. I never had the chance to be with the one I’ve loved, so maybe now I would be speaking differently.
I the mos possible to me is to have more problems with food than with sex, even though I don’t have problems with weight….:PPP :D
One of the most ancient sexual religious texts: Inanna & Dumuzi, anyone interested in reading further please see the attached link.
(Note the reference to apple tree, could this have been the original Eden creation story?), also it is very similar to the Song of Songs.
Inanna spoke:
“He brought me into his garden.
My brother, Dumuzi, brought me into his garden.
I strolled with him among the standing trees,
I stood with him among the fallen trees,
By an apple tree I knelt as is proper….
Before my lord Dumuzi,
I poured out plants from my womb.
I placed plants before him,
I poured out plants before him.
I placed grain before him,
I poured out grain before him.
I poured out grain from my womb.”
Inanna sang:
“Last night as I, the queen, was shining bright,
Last night as I, the Queen of Heaven, was shining bright,
As I was shining bright and dancing,
Singing praises at the coming of the night
http://www.dhushara.com/book/hieros/hieros.htm
Hi Pandora!
Ok, your link is bookmarked here! Such a beautiful text. You are right that there are many similar texts to The Song of Songs. One culture is often inspired by another one.
You always come up with great references. Thank you,
Heart
Precioso, Beautiful.
On the matter of “in” and “out”
When I make love it is to the whole world
We exist in our soul
Her hair is a river
Her lips are the smooth bark of a tree
Her breasts are shifting dunes
Our arms are serpents entwined
Our legs are twisting vines
Internal and external
We are one
that’s beautiful
Wonderful! Thank you.
LOve
Alexandra
Great insight!
8 out of 8
Beautiful, Thank you, Daniel.
dear Paulo,
thank you again for this wonderful place. but can i ask you a question? is it true that god is sometimes jealous? does god have a feeling of jealous? i picked up this idea somewhere but i remember it was your comment. if it is my misunderstanding, please forgive me.
thank you + love
Dear chieko,
It happens sometimes to hear such things as God being jealous sometimes, but I want just to remember you about his endless love, and no how to be selfish.
Such an immense love can’t be jealous.
I believe that must have been a misunderstanding for sure.
Chieko, Thelma reminded me of Heraclitus in another post, and here is another one of his sayings..
To God everything is beautiful, good, and just; humans, however, think some things are unjust and others just.
With love, Daniel
thank you:)
Maybe one day we could discuss the goddess here. Religion and sexuality, faith and betrayal, nature and the society that forms us – all these aspects we are discussing here can also be seen in the light of the old religion.
When intimacy is without boundaries sex becomes a holy union of souls. Beyond the limitations of our intellect, our every day efficience, our social programming there is another way to meet. i know how to find it through sexual encounters. Sure:there are other ways to have spiritual encounters beside having sex with our fellow humans, and obviously there is very few we’d want to come so close to. But: one way to discover sublime clearity and trust is rather physical at times.
Sexuality is sacred because it is at the heart of two things. One is our identity. We are sexed beings and our thoughts, feelings and actions stem from that. The other is our shared power and responsibility to not only procreate but also to occupy a single point in space and time during intercourse where differences are obliterated and we experience being ONE.
It is this blessing that religion (the organized kind) wants to moderate and facilitate as opposed to repress. Although some religions do repress their followers’ in the sexual arena, I think this mostly stems from people’s ambivalent attitude towards sexuality and not due to the teachings of the enlightened ones like Jesus.
Simplemente para mi no hay una forma más facil de conectarme con la espiritualidad que posterior a la entrega desinteresada que es el sexo por amor, sin tabues ni restricciones, no hay formulas ni límites es solo sentir entre las partes, que más espiritualidad que dejar a un lado la mente para simplemente dejarnos ser??? el placer es un regalo de Dios, para mi el pecado es privarnos de esa entrega. Saludos!!
Spirituality and Sexuality
- Gaia Woman
[kaltura-widget wid="rrotbctd7c" size="comments" /]
She’s lovely!
My English is not so good, but I will try, because I want you people above understand me. Both concepts – relegion and spirituality are frequently missunderstood. Religion is not espirituality. In my point of vew, spirituality is the true connection between we and God. In fact God is inside us. Although the word religion comes from the latin religare ( that means reconnection) it was missused for mankind since it exists.Religion also is a consequence of an espirituality.
But I doubt that someone leave a life whithout sex because religions say it is a sin. It is the most powerful force in a human been. More powerful then any kind of religion. It is one little part of our spirituality. God makes us for do it in order to show us Paradise! Let’s do it , let’s fall in love. It is not coincidence that another way to say make sex is make love. Make love is when we find a person who brings out our spirituality (connection with God) trough our sexuality and vice versa. I don’t know if I made myself clear, but I hope you understand me. A great day for all of you.
I was born in an adventist family so religion ruled all the activities of my life. when i began to date i was so afraid not to control myself that when i was kissing a guy I was thinking and thinking and never got excited… i was for years so closed about experiment my sexuality that when I grew up i wasn’t able to enjoy my sexual life, it have been years of feeling myself guilty for having dessires of being in a sexual way with someone. i got divorce and after that i started to find out what was wrong in my sex’s life… so i began to read many book to search inside of me until at 27 years old i experience for first time to an orgasm and it was by myself…. religions taught me how bad sex was( it isn’t true) and that you were guilty if you enjoyed or lose your virginity without being married. now I have gone through many nice experience even i have explored myself like a women in many ways, the best in all this is that i got now new concepts about what is sex. i agree totally about the sacred part of it. i have proved it myself. sometimes when i made love with my husband I feel blessed by an energy that i still don’t know where it comes from but it is real, so real that for moment i feel not in my body… I don’t really know why they forbid sex but it hurt so many women, because they find difficult to express themself as a sexual person… i want to thank you Paulo, because your books BRIDA, AND ELEVEN MINUTES helps me a lot… even though i have been searching about celta rituals i don’t know much about spirituality and sexuality if any of you can recomend a book I will be very thankfull because I want to keep on descover myself in all the possible ways… love claudia
Namaste Claudia,
I know this story intimately. I’ve been trying to put this into words, but they end up angry. I have lots of grrr where sex is concerned and how women have historically been treated because of religion’s attitudes toward sex. I feel so blessed to live in the zeitgeist I was deposited into. I’d have been murdered at a young age in most cultures of the past. I don’t remember being a virgin from child abuse at a young age. It took years to discover my ecstasy, and even now it’s fleeting… surrender’s not easy when you weren’t taught to trust.
I have many books on sacred sexual traditions. I will try to get a list together. There’s much online information as well. A female doctor, an American from the late 1800s, Alice Bunker Stockham actually created a Christian Sacred Sexual tradition in her work, “Karezza: Ethics of Marriage”. My other books are mostly based upon the Eastern teachings on sexuality, because there is far more literature from them.
Love to you
can anyone explain the Sabbath Bride?
;o)
…………………
The world comes and goes with the Sabbath Bride
And hid in the folds of her pure white cloak
We are quiet children at her side.
O who has not risen at her stroke
To greet her with neither wonder nor despair
But with a pure domestic calm?
Open the book of brightness and prepare
For her coming, attend her with a psalm.
………Saul Touster
Namaste Catherine,
It is my understanding that an aspect of the Divine Feminine in mystic Judaism is called “The Sabbath” or “The Matronit.” The Sabbath as a day of rest can also be a day of celebrating Creation through sexuality.
I was not raised Jewish, but this is my understanding from study of the Kabbalistic teachings on the subject. Divine Feminine enters the wife or at least the husband experiences the Divine Feminine through his wife and worships her accordingly.
Her other name, Sh’kinah, according to legend, left Her husband on Temple Mount to follow Her children in their exile. The reunion of Male and Female Divine sends Tikkun… sparks which will heal the earth. Thus my belief that peace on earth begins in a contented bed. :-)
Love to you
some interesting points made… from an online article.
“Sexuality is closely related to spirituality in several ways. In its negative aspects of lust, sexual excess, degradation and rape, it appears as the antithesis of spirituality, and in this light it has been seen in the Christian tradition. However, in its positive aspects our sexuality can open our heart to love, and enable us to have experiences similar to meditative states and mystical bliss during or instead of an orgasm and its afterglow. In a less obvious way, sexual energies can be channeled upward to develop our energy centers or chakra system and higher energy bodies. According to esoteric and yoga teachings, this is all part of our spiritual evolution.”
excerpt from Spiritual Sex by Walter Last..
1. One dark night,
fired with love’s urgent longings
- ah, the sheer grace! –
I went out unseen,
my house being now all stilled.
2. In darkness, and secure,
by the secret ladder, disguised,
- ah, the sheer grace! –
in darkness and concealment,
my house being now all stilled.
3. On that glad night,
in secret, for no one saw me,
nor did I look at anything,
with no other light or guide
than the one that burned in my heart.
4. This guided me
more surely than the light of noon
to where he was awaiting me
- him I knew so well –
there in a place where no one appeared.
5. O guiding night!
O night more lovely than the dawn!
O night that has united
the Lover with his beloved,
transforming the beloved in her Lover.
6. Upon my flowering breast
which I kept wholly for him alone,
there he lay sleeping,
and I caressing him
there in a breeze from the fanning cedars.
7. When the breeze blew from the turret,
as I parted his hair,
it wounded my neck
with its gentle hand,
suspending all my senses.
8. I abandoned and forgot myself,
laying my face on my Beloved;
all things ceased; I went out from myself,
leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies.
St. John of the Cross
Oh Catherine, I love St. John of the Cross!!
Sexuality is said to be taboo in most religion since human nature fears to express itself in the most sensual and emotional ways…weight that is carried in this topic is so heavy that so many people have talked against it… But i’d say expressing yourself emotionally does make you feel more sensual and great about your sexuality than hiding behind the thoughts and moral code of what people think about you expressing yourself so LOUD!!! If anyone understands what i’m saying, feel free to drop me a line of aknowledgement! Thank You!
Dear Paulo,
My opinion about sexuality and spirituality is that how for me the words are not enough to describe what I feel, nothing can be compared with it, then long time ago wen people dint had the answers of today they blame on Gods, so they believed that is a gift from Gods with the purpose to give life, so today people still believe it.
The cruelest fights in history, begun from religion issues. Tragic. I believe that from the very beginning, people with power all over the world tried very successfully to fill our minds and souls with guilt over sex among other issues in order to eliminate our true instincts. Instincts that know no limits and could do harm to their power. Most religions were used to CONTROL the mind of the crowd generating fear, shame and lots of guilt to suppress threatening situations. Sex, is sacred in every way I see it. Everything unites. Minds, bodies, souls, breaths, voices..It’s not sex. It’s a ritual.
Not diseased! I cannot help people once they are dead. But I can help quite a few while they still are alive. :-)
Visit Ireland Mari Ann, boy in need of help!! :-)
Rgds,
Shane.
Sexuality and spirituality are very closely connected. No creation of new human beings without sex. And the creation of human beings is at the core of spirituality. So it should not be hard to talk about sex for Christian people.
But for some reason this seems to be very difficult. I believe that is because parts of the Bible talk so much about sin. Adam and Eve sure got a hard time when they gave in for lust. (But I wouldn’t be surprised if they would seek knoweledge again if given the opportunity.) Having sex is one of the strongest insticts of man and woman. Without our biology there would not be people on earth.
The Bible starts out telling us how horrible sex and lust can be. Then later, it tells us how fantastic and beautiful it can be. All in all, the Bible has been used to control sexuality, and to give people bad conscience when they feel lust – although it is the basis of human biology. Some men and women feel so much guilt that they loose the ability to have sex because of physical problems in the genital areas.
But sex is more than lust – a physical desire. It is also about psychology – our psychological and social needs. This does not only concern the two people who feel desire for each other. It is also about other people concerned – family, and then most of all children. We can not take lightly on this, and there are a lot of social constraints so the needs of the children will be taken care of as well. These constraints would exist also without religions. I think the concern for other people in general, and children in particular, is why the Bible and other religions seek to control lust and sexuality. It is not just because man wants to control his woman. It is the further social implications in the society as well. In my country stranded mothers will be taken care of, but that is not the case in every society.
I am sure that you can be a spiritual person, and still have more than one partner during your lifetime. To me it would be very difficult to stay with the same person from the age of 17 till death at 103. My biology has made me too restless to stay with the same person for maybe 80 or more years. Furthermore, I always have to be in change, being with different people, doing different things, getting new knowledge from studies and life, having a lot of interests…. All of these impulses have made me change a lot – fast, and it can be very hard for a partner to live with all these transformations over the years. Finally, the right thing might be to part. When this happens, it is important to act in a way so other people do not get too badly hurt.
I believe in openness about sex and sexuality. But if sex is being too much discussed I get tired of the theme. A little bit secrecy is perfectly ok with me. If you discuss sex the same way you discuss food or books, it takes the excitement out of it. If there is one area everybody should be allowed to make their own discoveries, it is in this area. You should be told that it is ok to explore, and then there should be some advicers around when there are things you wonder about. In my country you have great sexologists who have their columns in newspapers, magazines and programs on the radio. In one way I think this is good, in another way it gets to be too much. Being too technical or academic about sexuality also takes it away from spirituality.
And in my world sexuality and spirituality belong together in a very metaphysical way. If any of you have heard about St. Theresa and her experiences, you might think that this is some religious nonsense. Well, it is not! I know perfectly well what this is about. When you are connected to the spiritual power (God) you can connect to other people with the same abilities for sexual experiences or healing diseases. (I’m not talking about regular healing, but the tremendous power that both the diseased and the healer can feel when far distance healing takes place. This is spiritual healing.) To me it was clearifying to read “The Lost Symbol” by Dan Brown. I suppose it is this connection the Masons strive to achieve when they become Masters – 33rd degree Masons. (This ability you cannot buy for money – you have to connect to God or the spiritual power.)
Hi Mari Ann, fellow Norwegian!
You mention St Theresa, and I had thought about what religious ecstasy is, so allow me to post this as a response to what you say;
http://www.students.sbc.edu/oneal08/St.%20Theresa%20in%20Ecstasy.html
A Swedish lady, what was her nick again..I miss her, I haven’t seen her in the blog for quite awhile, she talked about spiritual orgasm, and later I have studied more about this. St Theresa of course had no physical male present when she had her ecstasies, we imagine she was united with God, and one of the things I understand is she prayed for days with no food, and exhausting herself, before reaching this state. Yes, as you mention most of us need ‘spiritual healing’ and never even attempt reaching to this spiritual level.
Thanks again for your posting.
Love and Admiration,
Heart
In Hinduism, on the one hand there are taboos and also talks on controlling sexuality – even Mahatma Gandhi experimented on this aspect. On the other hand, sex is also considered as a form of divine love or spirituality. In my view, such contradictions are there because sex can be used as a form of pure love and on the other it can be used as a tool of power, of subjugation and to inflict humiliation. In the former, both the partners are equal, but in the latter one of them (which, more often than not happens to be a female) is at the receiving end.
This topic made me think of Adam & Eve.So i am just going to let my imagination run wild on this one!! Here goes…. Maybe the snake refers to desire,the apple is the vagina,when Eve bit the apple-that would mean she masturbated and liked what she felt and by giving the apple to adam means-the 1st sexual act of the world. After they broke their virginity,their eyes opened! They were afraid of what they have done,and they tried to hide away from GOD-who is a Spirit..maybe God knew that if humans can figure out how the vagina an penis work together.they would end up knowing the secret of living forever,so what He did next was to chase them away from the garden of eden…and maybe thats when the battle between the Flesh and the Spirit began!! I believe that Sex is a wonderful gift that should be enjoyed responsibly!
La spiritualité, la découverte de soi, la rencontre entre son féminin et masculin dans sa profonde intimité est l’expérience la plus sensuelle, la plus sexuelle, qu’il m’aie été donné de vivre. La sexualité prend alors une dimension cosmique où mon corps n’est que l’intrument de l’amour, avec son propre langage, libre et hors contrôle de l’esprit, vivant et palpitant.
C’est ce qui me permet de savoir que j’aime cet homme de toute mon âme, de mon cœur et de mon corps et de sentir qu’il m’aime. Quand je suis près de lui, je vibre dans ma chair de femme, je ne vois plus son corps, je plonge dans ses yeux et me laisse inonder de joie et de plaisir.
Nous sommes comme Santiago et Fatima, immergés dans l’âme du monde, noyés dans l’océan de l’amour.
C’est une véritable communion.
I think sexuality represents a taboo for many religions ’cause sexuality brings (also) with it the Greatest Force of Universe: the force of Pure Life (Agape).
Force leads to Power, and Power could represent a danger.
Danger for istitutions, (and many religions grow up as Istitutions, loosing along the way many values of spirituality), and danger also for other people.
Every man/woman has a great Power in his/her soul (even if he/she is not aware of it), but in some case Power could be used in a dangerous way for the others.
Let’ take for example those who have mental diseas, or those who simply would like to do harm to other people.
If taboo is created to prevent harmful situations it is comprehensible, but sometimes, in history, we saw that taboo represented a hidden form of ubmission, which is not comprehensible.
Love.
Chris
Now, in my country they want to approve prostitution and drug use as legal. Church is against, but parliament doesnt care. I think, in this hard times, showing in tv such things, is a slap on one face. Like they invite you to go on street, if you have no money. I think the Church was right saying that the dignity of women practising the oldest job would be harm . I think better the state work on helping everybody come out from such, but they think to take even fee from the money earned by the prostitutes.
they – meaning the government? – wants to take a fee…
so your government want to be pimps?!
wow..
Dear Alexandra
Prostitution is the oldest professions in the world, but it has never been legally recognised as being a profession in the UK, and in all that time it has never ceased its trade. (Although in Amsterdam it is now legal).
Because governments (many of whose members frequent brothels) refuse to acknowledge this hypocrisy, and deny prostitutes any rights they are subject to human trafficking (an estimated 2.5 million women/girls kidnapped and forced to work in the sex industry in 2007), violence, abuse, disease, murder, exploitation.
I would say that it would be morally wrong to turn a blind eye to the continuing blatant harm caused to woman over the centuries than to allow it to continue indefinitely as it has done. By bringing it out into the open, and introducing legislation, these women would be better protected, against this exploitation.
The church might not think that prostitution is morally right, but I think that prostitutes deserve rights, as do all human beings.
Pandora
i agree with u Alexandra its just a policy fault but no one is going to pay attention to the small fries like me .as far as prostitution is concerned i can not consider it a right thing cause i think God created people and bestowed them with a self respect we take away there self respect as we take their cloths away from their bodies to fulfill our desires .what we are doing is just standing against the God. we are not realising the results of what we are doing.i wish it wouldn’t be too late when we realise.with love and gratitude.Arham
For me, the problem with religion is that it is designed by man to control man. From my current level of understanding, I find that religion has a basis in, what I call “the natural law”. But the natural law needs to be lived in order to be understood. The journey is a voluntary and solitary one, but one meets like-minded souls along the way to reinforce the belief that one is on the correct road. This journey is a fulltime job, for a lifetime, and an absolute delight to experience. As BKS Iyengar said, one becomes greedy to know more and this brings with it a drive to understand more, thus to continue along that road less travelled. One cannot teach the natural law to anybody because the truth is recognised by all souls. One can however simply be and people will take what they want if they want. Having such an influence on people costs nothing because one is not trying to convert anybody to another way of thinking.
From the stand point of love, sex becomes a purely physical act enjoyed by two people. Because of health risks, linked to sex, it is logical to take precautions to limit exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, if one wants to avoid the diseases and live a full life, healthwise. But as long as one understands that life continues in a different form after the transition known as death, then one understands that sex is to be enjoyed, like a game of tennis, because sex is not an act of love. It cannot be an act of love as long as rape exists. I think that perhaps the advice, given years ago, that sex needs to be controlled, could probably have been based on the health issues and those have been bent out of shape, over time, to create a negative approach towards sex.
But the one thing I am clear on is that religious teachers are not illuminated with understanding the day they become a priest. As long as they decide they are going to convert mankind, they will learn that they are arrogant because they assume that they are somehow better than the rest of us. Someone who understands never teaches. They simply ask questions.
The church treat humans like sheep; no? You are correct,Micheline, the church stands on the idea of man following man… I like to think for myself in regards sexuality, when to pray/how to pray, how to spend my Sundays etc.. Good point
People are scared of the power of a sexual act. That’s why parents don’t talk about it, that’s why it’s taught to be ‘bad’. There have been an abuse, there have been a violation… there’s always a dark side to all the good things. I find it sad when people forget how much happiness it can bring to our lives. I do think that it helps to our spirituality. It opens up our senses and mainly it’s one of the tools of LOVE
how do i exercise sex in a sacred way?
i always feel all kinds of touching is both sensual and sacred. (my ex boyfriend told me that the way i hold his hand was erotic. i was shocked. so i am usually careful not to touch strangers. ) so all kind of sex is sacred for me. but to make it even more sacred (maybe…) i kiss my boyfriend’s forehead, the third eye. i learned this from our cat. one night, he was laying on the bed, tired, and the cat came up to him and placed his little paw on his forehead. cute. i thought that was kind of nice. he seems to like it and i think this is kind of sacred. in return, he kisses my heart. so that is nice too.
love
What you say is beautiful Chieko. Thank you,
Heart
Sexuality is just another aspect of our lives to be explored!
God gave us our bodies to enjoy them, to embrace our differences and to see what we make out of it. Everybody chooses for oneself. I love the mystery about it… For example, sometimes I ask : Am I a whore or am I a frigid u.f.o?
I like sex and I know it’s the best (for me) when the souls are connected as well as the bodies… But you don’t care about soulmates? Fine, I love the idea too. Do not get prudish, just find out what suits you the best. I’m sure God would like you to!
Dear Paulo,
This is a very interesting topic. And I am enjoying the reading here, very much.
Rules are about control and governing. There are still many today, even close to me, that do not believe that man and woman are equal.
So, placing all rules aside. These are my personal feelings:
God gave us beautiful bodies. Our bodies perform some pretty amazing functions, most of which I am not even aware of, most of the time.
Sexual union with another can be, a very positive, loving experience. Intensely spiritual. Even defying defining.
Earlier this year I attended The Body exhibition with my daughter. One of the most amazing things that struck me, is that as of the very moment of conception, WE ARE ONE, a single cell, for the first 30 minutes of life. After 30 minutes, this one cell begins to divide. So I think now, about my own children, who were conceived through this energy and how beautiful for them, to begin surrounded by this love. I was, and still am, astounded!!
I follow my heart in this matter, and make decisions. Not based on guilt, obligation or religion. Sex without love does not interest me. Before doing anything, I pray.
Much Love to All, Jane : ) xo
Why sexuality is a taboo for most religions?
Just a thought: I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that in the ancient cultures in which these religions arose, women were often viewed and treated as property? Sex was not viewed as an intimate exchange between a woman and a man so much as a right exercised by the property holder. Women were kept as virgins because this increased their value in the essentially economic exchange of the marriage contract (the “bill of sale,” you might call it). Of course, in most cases, women weren’t actually “sold,” per se. Rather, the husband was “paid” (in the form of a dowry) to take the “burden” of the female off of her family. In this atmosphere, the sexuality of a woman was protected and guarded, much in the same way that one would guard a treasure. Her sexuality was not her own; it was the property of whomever she belonged to.
I don’t know. It’s all very complicated, and I’m certainly no historian, but it seems to me that many of the taboos we face today may be the result of the ancient cultural atmosphere in which these religions arose, specifically the result of this view of women as “property” and sex as a male property holder’s exclusive “right.”
Of course, this does not account for the overarching view that sex in itself is somehow contradictory or detrimental to the spiritual quest – the view that celibacy is a necessity for the serious spiritual aspirant. When did we begin to view sex as “evil” – at what point in history did this concept arise? I’m sure there is an answer. I don’t know what it is, but I am also sure that this concept had a specific origin – it has not existed since the beginning of humankind. Again, I have to wonder how much this has to do with ancient views of women in general, specifically with the concept of women in positions of power, especially ecclesiastical power.
Now I’m going to specifically refer to the Christian faith, not because I want to pick on Christians, but only because it is the religion with which I am most familiar in a historical context. This idea of woman as “temptress” – the “evil mistress” who lures men away from their spiritual aims. This wicked force of nature which must be controlled at all cost, lest she cause the downfall of man and mankind as a whole. Eve. Yes, what about Eve? What about the tree, the snake, the fruit? How do most of us interpret that? How are we taught to interpret that? Sex. And, more specifically, woman as temptress, offering herself to Adam and bringing about his downfall and the subsequent downfall of all humankind. Eve – the source of “original sin,” that “sin” being sex.
How convenient is that?! What a fantastic myth! In fact, what could be better. Just think of it! Think of how propaganda functions in the modern world in disputes over political power. If you can find some story to print and distribute which discredits the enemy, half the war is over already. And if the story really catches on and proves effective, you can win without ever firing a shot.
I think that this myth probably arose, really took hold, at a time when women were perceived as a threat to the patriarchal hold on the church. Of course, I am purely speculating on this, but just think of how effective it would be. If men (or a certain group of men) wanted to seize exclusive power over the church and to insure that women would never again pose a threat to that power structure, what better way than to propagate the idea of women as essentially “unclean,” “temptresses” – in fact, the root of all evil in the world.
This, I think, is what we have to look at if we want to uncover the true root of the taboos regarding sex which we face today. It is a tangled mess, to be sure, but a mystery well worth unravelling. In the end, if we can unravel it and thereby discover a new world-view that is a bit more balanced, I think it will set us free – both men and women.
With Love,
Savita
Well I tried to record video, but cant hear a sound!!!
I want say that I agree with Savita, the image of women are from too long a time presnted in a wrong manner, and that the idea of women as source of all evil is not fair. I think the fall was in the Design, because if Adam and Eve were Gods favourite creation than was a real pity that they were only two of them. So sex, the mean for increasing the number of Gods most loved being is a wonderful good thing.
Love and admiration once again for Paulo that in his novels come with a bright strong tender image of women and “feminine side of God”.
Much love
Alexandra
very true point… the fact above about women as property.
I would say that this history remains today a major factor in suppressing sexuality
;o)
Hi Savita, thank you for sharing your interesting thoughts so well. It is very sad to think of repression and of course, your theory makes sense. Will we ever have these answers? I still wonder how many texts lay safely in waiting for discovery, in the desert sands or elsewhere.
I am so glad that attitudes are changing and that is a very joyful thought, even if it happens slowly.
Thank You again, Much Love, Jane : )
Namaste Savita,
Before the repression, however, was the age of the Goddess. The repression wasn’t overnight and I’m still searching for Herstory within the transition. One of the oldest literature of the Middle East was written by Enheduanna, an entu or High Priestess of Inanna. Inanna was a fertility Goddess, so her work is erotic. She appears to be at the end of the Goddess days as her father was conqueror of Ur and Akkad.
It seems the Goddess was none to kind to men either… blood sacrifices, etc. As a woman, I was embarrassed by the awful things we did when women were in power. I pray that the re-emergence of the Divine Feminine within our culture leads to equality finally for balance is necessary for healing.
Love to you
Why relate one to the other?. Religion is supposed to be pure in content. Sex can be both pure or not. Sex has nothing to do with God, it is between whoever is having sex with whomever. Once you put religion in it opens too many issues.
dear Paulo
with all my respect
sexual freedom is important, i will say VERY important!!!
But before that, we should have more sexual education and in this education should never separate sex from spirituality.
Sexuality was and still is a complicate issue in many aspects of our existence.
Especially now and in future… global warming,Scarce of Food and Water, “over population” which is direct link to sexuality,, should be our greats concerning…
We are to many in this world with NO access to good education involving human values and spirituality…and is sad that most of even educate people make use of sexuality only in a banal and superficial ways not talking of the cases which sexuality is abuse by the media and they all forget that is through sexuality that spirituality comes to existence…
please write a book about and spread the good message you know how to do it so good.
aquele abraço
Dear Maciria,
I agree with you 100% on the need for education, as well as the evident lack of it in our society. You say that there are too many “with NO access to good education” and I would say that this theory applies even to the most developed and supposedly “advanced” societies. For example: I live in the US, and here, if children are taught of sex in public schools at all, they are only taught the biology of it: the X and the Y chromosomes and so on. They are taught neither any link between sex and their psychological and spiritual well-being, nor any link between their individual sexual choices and the good of the world as a whole.
How many children are taught that the world’s population has more than doubled since 1950? That this rate of increase, in relation to the world’s resources, is NOT sustainable? And, that this population explosion is due, in part, to an increased birth rate? And IF they are taught this, what sort of misguided ideas are their heads filled with in the process? They are taught that this increased birth rate is happening “over there” somewhere, in “third-world” countries. This all may be true, but what are they NOT taught? They are not taught such facts as that one US citizen, on average, consumes the same amount of resources as 30 people in India. They are given only select pieces of the puzzle, but not the whole picture. As a result, they are not able to understand that their own actions, the choices that they make on a daily basis, do in fact impact the world as in a whole, and in a very dramatic way.
They are taught to assume things like: It is all the fault of “those people over there,” the people who don’t how to use birth control. For these kids, buying a condom is like buying a pack of bubble gum, so they never stop to think, nor are they taught that the man in Africa, whom they accuse as the one responsible for this population explosion, literally CANNOT afford to buy a condom, IF he can even find one to buy. Nor does his wife have access to modern birth control. Certainly, when they grow up and start their own families, they are not equipped to consider that the one child they will produce will consume enough food and other resources to adequately sustain multitudes of children that will die of starvation and disease in other countries during that child’s lifetime. They are taught only little pieces of the puzzle, but they are not taught to consider the complex interconnectedness of it all. In this way, they are educated to see the choices which they make and the actions which they take in their life as a thing apart, wholly disconnected from the well-being of the rest of humankind and the world as a whole.
So, you speak of a lack of good education, Maciria, and I agree. And I also think that this lack of adequate education extends to even the wealthiest and most developed societies on the planet. We have public schools everywhere. They are free. We ARE educated, but we are educated in ignorance. (At least this is the way I see it in my own country.)
As for educating children in the connection between their sexuality and their spirituality, well, that could never happen here, at least not at this period in time. If any such attempt were made, people, in mass, would immediately pounce upon the public school authorities and insist that this “heresy” be eradicated from the curriculum. Sex is “dirty,” sex is “evil,” sex is FORBIDDEN. Even to speak of it in the context of education, other than in purely biological terms, is strictly taboo. Some parents would even prefer that their children not be taught the biology of it, declaring that “They don’t need to know this information, until they are adults.” Due to this sort of closed mentality, our public school system can’t even introduce comparative religion or religious studies in general into the curriculum. Parents don’t want their children to know what other people of other religions believe or how they perceive the world. Again, this is “heretical” knowledge, deemed as strictly forbidden. As a result, we have whole generations who grow to adulthood with scarcely any knowledge at all of religion outside the scope of Christianity, or even outside the scope of their particular sect of Christianity. (If they are Protestant, they aren’t even taught what Catholics believe, and so on.) As adults, when they do encounter someone from a different tradition, they have no basis for understanding and, as a result, they view this this person and their religion as “The Other” – the “evil,” the “enemy.” In ignorance we are educating our children and, in the process, breeding an atmosphere of increasing religious fear, intolerance, and hatred.
When it comes to both sex and religion, I am all for educating children in a thorough and unbiased manner. Unbiased information, accurate knowledge, tools of investigation and analysis – these are never dangerous. Ignorance is!
With Love (especially to all the children in the world who are kept in darkness),
Savita
For me, sexuality and spirituality are one.
I came to this conclusion during my years as a nun in a Catholic Congregation. I loved the spiritual aspect of my life but as time went on, I realised that I could not truly sublimate my sexuality in the celibate life and I didn’t feel fulfilled. After much heartache and soul-searching I decided to leave the Congregation to continue my professional life in the world.
Since then, I have been single, a wife, a mother, a widow and finally a grandmother. My life has not been easy and certainly not a ‘bed of roses’, but through these experiences I have managed to balance my sexuality with my spirituality and now feel fulfilled as a woman. This was always my aim, but I know that I must always be vigilant, as this is an on-going process and must be nourished if it is to survive.
This can be done through self-acceptance and by keeping one’s heart ‘open’ to love.
Ohh, was nice reading your story. You had courage to live your own life and to discover your self. Very lovely soul you are.
Much love
Alexandra
Dear Theresa,
that was wonderfull and true “keeping one’s open to love” is a very powerfull truth.
The fact remains though it is so difficult to achieve it. As i grow older a feel that a part of heart is “closing” little by little. I don’t know maybe the dissappointments in life and the fact that i haven’t found someone to care for me. Just that nothing else because now i know it is difficult to be loved.
What do you advise me.
I am looking forward for your advise.
With Love
Maria-Dove
Dear Paulo:
I think the reason of represion of sex and sexuality by the “Patriarcal order” the 3 Abrahamic religions (Judaism,Islam,and Christianity) including in Christianity all of its expressions, is basically an attempt to control human beings in order to govern them and mantain the status quo. These behavior has birth from the very moment the masculine energy rise power. The patriarcal order arise in Summeria and is ending these days. Most of Summerian teachings burried the knowledge of Gaia, and the Godess. But these knowledge lives in our cellular memory in perfect balance of feminine and masculine energy. These energy of life is what some traditions name as “Kundalini energy”. Its our Reptilian,Annunaki,Pleiadian heritage.
This magnific enrgy is what moves most of our desitions, its chained to our emotions, and its also atached to karma and all of our
Third dimentional dramas. But also is our sign for freedom and individuality. Its very powerful, thats why it has to be controlled in one way or another.
The ancient Summerians (Annunaki) Knows this, and they calibrated certain frecuency in human brains, through the technology used to built temples, temples that was built in certain places, places, that posses energetic flows from Earth Gaia. This Annunaki control was present from those days to present time. Thats the reason their temples was built in certain places, and its replicants in all ages. Thats why christianity, islam and judaism built their cathedrals,and most representative and powerful (energic) temples over sacred caverns, and dolmens. Chartress,Notre Dame,Lourdes, Al Aqsa, Solomon´s Temple, Mount Carmelo,Guadalupe (Tepeyac Mount) and a large etceteras. And its no coincidence most of these temples are consacred to Holly Mary. In reality they sealed or attempt to seal with dogmas and patriarcal control the sacred feminity.
But now The energy of Gaia raises again and will found balance between masculinity and feminity by sacred sex.
Unconditional love for all beings. multidimentionality, cosmic knowledge, freedom, joy, playful,its just the tip of the iceberg that humans can found trough, freely conscious, orgasmic,relations between people.
Sincerly
Andrés Pérez
(Lobo Gris)
México
Namaste.
Dear Andres Perez,
I hope you don’t mind me making a copy of your posting, as I find it so inspirational, I’d like to study what you mention closer. Thank you so much,
Heart
Gracias Andrés me encanta encontrar gente como yo con tu sabiduría y tu libertad de pensamiento y expresión.
Participo de todo lo que dices.
Un beso
When I was younger, just like everyone else, I was always attracted to a macho image of a man. I fantasized meeting someone who looks like Clint Eastwood. I first fell in love with Clint Eastwood in his film ‘Play Misty For Me’ and ever since, I watched all his Dirty Harry movies ;).. I specially loved it when he says “Go ahead make my day”..lol.. the ‘Law of Attraction’ got me what I wished for..I ended up being married to someone with similarities in looks with Clint Eastwood..I didn’t worry about his very fanatic religious beliefs and didn’t listen to my intuition that this man was not right for me..
But I was ‘the right one’ for him and that was good enough especially that he had this macho look and with the same eyes, nose and lips as Clint Eastwood ;).. To cut the long story short, our marriage was like the movies of Clint..obsession like in Play Misty and violence like in Dirty Harry…except that it’s the other way around..He was obessed with me and I was the one who keep saying “Go ahead, make my day”…I divorced him to free my spirit and that of my young boys…
I got sick of Clint Eastwood’s movies that I started watching Richard Gere ;)..I first fell in love with him in his movie “An Officer and A Gentleman’ and I promised myself that if ever I get married again, he must look like Richard Gere. Ten years, I waited for the Richard Gere look alike. I judged him by the way he treats me like a truly ‘Pretty Woman’ just like how Richard Gere treated Julia Roberst in that movie ;)…
For me, spirituality comes first when it comes to realtionship between a couple. My beautiful husband now is not a very spiritual person like most of you here who love to express their thoughts about inner feelings..But one thing I realized, true spirituality is a feeling…you feel it without saying a word…the gentle touch says it all..
When a man tells you how beautiful you are even if your are having the worst bad hair day, if he tells you all the time that you deserve the best so don’t worry about the money, if he appreciates every little thing you do for him, if he if he makes you feel beautiful inside and out with his embraces, it is the best feeling of all…and the sexual intimacy is just the icing on the cake…
Have a great day you all…and be choosy what you wish and fantasize about because they always come true…
am glad to read that the law of attraction works ;)
I think sex is also a way of worshiping someone. It has been proved in the past that sex can be linked to spirituality. The only thing here I feel is the choice that one has to make. i.e. sex for spirituality or spirituality for achieving sex. It definitely is not a taboo because it is something that god has created. I think we do not do justice to ourselves& the society by repressing it or by shouting that we are the clean hearted ones. We all need to accept the fact that we are “normal” human beings that sex is something which is desired & is an integral part of our lives. Yes at the same time being loyal is also equivalently important.
Sexuality and Spirituality. Alot of us feel that our spirituality is tied in to our Religion and it is a hard thing to look at your religion and admit that there are some areas that we just don’t agree with. Reading through the comments I realize that quite a few of us have been brought up catholic and have this intense feeling of guilt if we do not follow all the rules that have been outlined for us by the church no matter how flawed our church may be.
Religion has made pre-marital sex a big taboo but it is a big wrestling match between our emotions and our thoughts/morals. I have seen people get married in order to have guilt-free sex and a cookie cutter life and they seem to be so unhhappy now. Religion has also tried to repress female sexuality (which is a very beautiful thing) and has deemed homosexuality an abomination. I am sure we have all asked ourselves ‘is homosexuality wrong?’, No matter what I have been taught I just cannot find it within myself to judge someone or disapprove of someone else’s sexual orientation. I cannot help but love a friend no matter what lifestyle he/she chooses and it makes me happy to see that they trust me enough to let me know that part of their life.
My experience is a little different from most of what I have read,…. I have struggled with the question of ‘is pre-marital sex really a sin?’ I have always been ok with others having pre-marital sex, but not for myself. Why is that? why am I so hard on myself? Well this is me, a 28 year old woman, a virgin, taught to wait until I was married, but what if I never get married? Am I not to enjoy sex, am I not to experience this ‘gift’? Should I not be allowed to feel that closeness with another?
Only a few close friends know that I am a virgin and when I first told them they were shocked and thought I was lying. I feel judged for being a virgin and I cannot understand why, for I don’t care wether or not someone else is sexually active. In this society today, if you are still a virgin at 19 people assume that there must be something wrong with you had a bad experience, why? You just cannot win, if you have pre-marital sex you are commiting a sin, if you are a virgin you are called weird or prude. In the Western society some people ridicule you, insult you, judge you, and make fun of you if you are not having sex and then on the other hand say you should follow the teachings of religion. Confusing…. I am the only virgin I know, so I have no one to talk to about how I feel. As I look back at my life I have no regrets about not taking up the opportunities to have sex. I feel I have made the right choices for me, but I cannot help feel the pressure from society and the media. And instead of saying this is my choice I shy away from any conversation about sex and let them assume whatever they want to about me. Feeling pressure from all sides (the church saying I should get married, society saying you can’t be a virgin at this age, friends pressuring me to have the ‘experience’) I wondered if I was an asexual person and started readin up on it, I’m not – I am definately sexually attracted to men and I do want to have a sexual relationship (I know some of you were wondering, haha), wether it will be in a marriage or a mutually agreed upon relationship, but I know that what I have learned from religion will always be in the back of my mind even though I neither see it a definate wrong or right.
I have a good friend who will marry this October. She is near 50 and is a virgin. It is her bible trained conscience that has led her to this point in her life with no sex before marriage. I also was a virgin before being married. I was married young though. It is a good foundation for marriage. If someone loves you enough to wait, they will probably be very loyal to you. Best wishes on feeling “normal”. There aren’t too many like you out there. But there are some.
MJ,
You’re not the only one. I’m 29. :-) Still waiting until it feels right… nothing has yet. I have let all the wrong opportunities pass me by with no real regret. Try not to let what others think about your choices affect you so much. You have done what is right for you, and that’s all that matters.
Bec
just wishing you the most romantic moment…
love
Hi Mj,
You´re not the only one and I know what you mean ( pressure), but don´t feel bad about it. It´s your personal matter :) . Let people judge you if they have to, it proves that they haven´t got a life of their own. I wonder if their lives are as fulfilling as they claim them to be… anyway…just wait for the right moment and enjoy it ^^ . I´d rather be loyal and honest than to come up with a list of names after getting married ( that wouldn´t be a good foundation for a marriage from my point of view ^^).
Dear MJ,
there is really no reason for you to worry or feel anxious about it.
Allthough most of the people activate sexualy more and more early, in some cases even in the age of 12 years old in some countries and cultures this doesn’t mean anything.
Entering in sexual activity is clearly a personal choice. It doesn’t have any serious consequenses apart from the fact that someone mature in this area a little bit later than he/she should.
I see it all the time, you are not the first or the last many, many people confinded this to me also.
There is nothing wrong to you just not the right time.
Women interact with the brain, while men are more visual.
Women have vagina because men enter into them. Basically vagina is not hole so if anything goes in it it is because the woman allows it so. That means that women need that brain interaction to feel sexually aroused they need what plainly called a sexual chemistry,. That means that your and your mate Hormones are compatible and the brain acknowledge this and gives you the signal to go on.
So you still haven’t found your compatible man. It is ok it is not easy.
But when you do, the beliefs you have or whatever you think they will all make sense so will you have sex naturaly without regrets.
Don’t feel pressured you are still young.
with love
maria-love
Dear Mj,
A few thoughts coming from someone with the opposite sort of experience: I left behind my virginity (I hate the word “lost,” because I didn’t “lose” it – it was an intentional act), but anyway, I “left behind” my virginity at a very early age. So early, in fact, that I can scarcely say that I know what the experience of “being a virgin” is. Basically, as soon as I became aware of my sexuality, I became sexually active.
Now, when I reflect back upon this choice, I see it as both a mistake and a great boon. I learned much from the choices which I made, although that learning process was not always “fun.” Now, I have a daughter of my own and, as a result, I try to imagine how to approach the subject. How do I encourage my daughter to be “free” and yet not to make some of the same mistakes that I made. Was having sex so young a mistake? Yes, it was. (It was for me.) But why was it? Not because it was “morally wrong.” This is not the view I take of it, even now. It was a mistake simply because I was engaging in something without a full understanding of the psychological mechanisms behind it. I was having sex for the “wrong reasons” – seeking to fulfill needs and desires that could not be fulfilled in that way. I wanted acceptance, affection, understanding and attention, and sex was a way to get it. It was a tool that I used to fill gaps in my life that simply could not be filled in that way. It took me a very long time to understand this, but when I finally did, it changed everything. Suddenly, I saw that sex was one thing and that these needs were wholly another. Not that the two don’t meet, but that the one cannot be “used” to satisfy the other.
Now, in terms of my daughter, the one thing that I would hope to impart to her on her journey toward becoming a “sexual being” is simply this: respect for oneself. I want her to grow up understanding that she does not need to offer sex “in exchange” for having these basic human needs met. In fact, any time that there is such an aura of “exchange,” there is no way that those needs will be fulfilled. Sex is something else – it is not a manipulative tool for gaining affection, love, attention, etc. It is a way of expressing these, but not a way of successfully soliciting these from others.
So, your journey is a long one, Mj, but I don’t think that others have the right to judge what is right for you. In my view, they don’t have the right to tell you that pre-marital sex is a “sin” and thereby condemn you if you engage in it. But, neither do they have the right to insist that you should experience sex just for the sake of experiencing it. Only you can judge in what situation you can engage in sex and have it be an experience which is truly meaningful for you, on a psychological and spiritual, as well as physical level. Just keep looking within and forget about all the external messages by which you are bombarded.
With Much Love,
Savita
Hello. I am a big fan of your work and just recently came across your wonderful blog and brilliantly opinionated community!! I’m currently reading a very interesting book that explains some of the confusions that Western man makes between the romantic and the sacred (and how this passionate love is a way of replacing the natural urge we have for a spiritual quest..)
Just starting the book, but I would recommend it to anyone trying to make sense of the madness of love and spirituality (and this unconscious urge has been passed through so many generations, starting with mythology). It’s called “We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love”.
Um grande abraço e obrigada por tudas as liçåos.
Religion as we know it evolved out of patriarchy which derived from property ownership whose primary objective was to maintain that property by controlling people. In order to control people the first step was to control female sexuality, which heretofore had been a primal force and subject only to the individual female’s desires. The goal was to make the women property and subject to their husbands, fathers, brothers and the God created in their image.
Only when female sexuality was celebrated did spirituality enter into the union of male and female bodies.
With sexuality, religion mongers of yore are left with “other” ways to achieve sublime spirituality. When examined from a biochemical standpoint, endorphins so pleasurably experienced through sexuality and orgasm might be achieved by self-flagellation, fasting, and schizophrenia.
Which do you prefer?
Should read: Without sexuality, religion mongers of yore are left with “other” ways to achieve sublime spirituality.
I love it! Go, Sandra!
Bueno, muchas gracias Hildegard I like very much yours thougths.
In most spiritual traditions, sex has long been held as an obstacle to Enlightenment. It has been seen as something to overcome, to transcend, or to go beyond. But isn’t Enlightenment the realisation that all the Universe is contained within the infinite depths of your Heart? And doesn’t all the Universe include your sexuality and your lust?
Sexuality can be a vehicle into spirituality rather than an obstacle to it. One way to express your desire to be reunited with God is by merging with another person through sharing your sexuality. The more deeply you feel the longing to return Home, the more deeply you may want to free your sexual nature. And that very expression, when realized as such, adds fuel to the most significant fire there is: the burning up of the human ego and the subsequent dissolving of the illusion of separation. The gift of your sexuality is that it is a profound modality for the ecstatic affirmation of human Love.
Sexual expression can be frightening. It is a movement from everyday limited levels of consciousness into an expansion of your energetic aliveness. Two activities that challenge the ego structure down to its very core are meditation and sexual/emotional expression. Both require letting go of the negative mind’s usual control over you. The mind/ego has power over you whenever you make negative thoughts real by focusing on them. In meditation and in sex, in order to become the master of your mind, you must escape from its traps that keep you absorbed at the level of thought. You achieve ultimate freedom if you can access a place inside yourself that lives only in the present tense, not trying to go anywhere or to accomplish anything. In this receptive state, Love happens. Fulfillment happens. Happiness happens. Union happens.
Spiritual sex arises out of both partners’ desire for union through uninhibited self expression. What if you are here on earth not to transcend your humanness, but to revere yourself exactly as you are right now? You are a fascinating combination of a heavenly angel/god/goddess and an earthly animal/beast. As you let go into the formless with the intention to become one with your lover, what can emerge is a dance back and forth between your god/goddess and your animal urges. As your animal nature releases into an uninhibited expression of lust, perhaps the absolutely perfect spiritual union becomes available to you in that moment. Then, in another moment, when you are softly touching and looking into one another’s eyes, you have included your human, animal lust rather than trying to bypass it. As you surrender to your lover’s feet in devotion, you can worship each other’s divinity and each other’s humanness. In fact, as you let out your lust, you create the foundation upon which to build your temple.
That was really great! Thank you for sharing that.
With love
Maria-Dove
if you can have a sex with spiritual feeling,it means the real meanings of LOVE.
Caro Paulo, io partirei dal concetto di spiritualità. Cosa ci mette in contatto con Dio? Io personalmente mi sento in comunione con lo Spirito del Mondo osservando la natura e sentendomi parte di essa: guardando un tramonto, un fiore o qualsiasi altra cosa che mi dia un senso di pace, felicità e bellezza. La sessualità può trasmettere queste emozioni e molte altre, anzi è l’atto più istintivo e naturale che l’uomo può compiere, perciò può essere uno strumento della spiritualità, anzi deve esserlo. Penso che i tabù che troviamo nelle religioni riguardo alla sessualità esistano per evitare che sia usata in modo improprio, come strumento di appagamento e non di amore reciproco. In questo caso essa è inutile al fine della crescita interiore dell’uomo. Ma proibire qualcosa spesso ha l’effetto opposto di attirare l’attenzione…
sex is the most important part of our life.no one kan explain it completely,because anybody know sex from the point of their view and it depends on how they experience it.when religion and society try to make a defination for sex in a way that be clear for all people from different background,they make it as a taboo.
But I habe another question Paulo:Whay can’t most of us have sex with the person who we love and want to be with him/her? if destiniy is somw times different from what we really like and want,so, whay GOD allow us to be in love with someone who will never come to our life? sex will be spritually when we are with the right person. But how often happen it in the world among all of us? I need to hear from you Paulo.Please reply me.
When your with the right partner there is a connection that is spiritual, and that bond becomes very strong, in some cultures it lasts through out several life times. This connection can be and feel very sacred to you and your partner, when some one breaks that connection it can create a would to the soul that takes quite a long time to heal. Especially when your partner is made to be part of the wound, with or with out their knowledge.
As for me healing that wound, scab is almost falling off.
I like this topic because sometimes we tend to go along with what is handed down to us without knowing why,however that is our nature.
I think the reason why religion represses sexuality is that people tend to reach spiritual maturity after sexual maturity and in an attempt to tune them up..they repress it till one is a bit more spiritually mature so as to enjoy sex in a sacred way.however our world in general today seems to accelerate our sexuality and yet stunt our spirituality.
As for the first part of the question i have not thought of sexuality as sacred before…i think with the right person it is an expression of love and in some cases it creates an opportunity for the miracle of life to occur and love is a part of spirituality.
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