Quote of the Week

Great point, Paula! This is precisely why, as a general rule, I do not believe in “regrets.” I would almost say that they are “against my religion.” Seldom do I suffer “regrets” because I look at it this way: How can one dare regret when one does not know what the outcome or consequences might have been had one chosen the other path? Yes, it is tempting to regret – to say, “Oh, if only I had chosen differently…. If only I had done this…or hadn’t done that….” But all such regrets stem from speculation on a positive outcome – an optimistic view of what the consequences might have been.

But I tend to turn it around and look at it this way: I am presently alive and healthy, I have friends and family whom I love and who love me, I have my whole future ahead of me…. If I had the possibility to go back and change one minor decision in my life, much less a major decision, I might NOT be alive right now, or perhaps I would be in circumstances much worse that what I am in.

Let us say, for example, I went skiing and broke my leg. Well, I could regret my choice, I could say, “Oh, what a bad decision that was! I should never have gone skiing. If only I had stayed home instead…!” Well, maybe so, but maybe if I had stayed home that weekend I would have been hit by a bus while crossing the street. Or maybe, if I hadn’t broken my leg, I wouldn’t have met the nurse who introduced me to the artist at whose party, five years later, I would meet my soul mate. Life is far too complex and intricately connected to make assumptions about what “might have been” had we chosen differently.

Regrets are based on the assumption (and that is a very BIG assumption) that had we chosen differently, our present situation would be better. Regrets also tend to disempower one, to deprive one of the motivation and energy to work with the resources currently at hand. One spends too much time thinking about what “might have been” and thereby fails to acknowledge and fully utilize the inherent potential in WHAT IS.

I have this firm belief that, whatever our personal destiny is, we always have, in every given moment, access to all of the resources to do what we NEED TO BE DOING in that moment. Our past experiences, as well – both good and bad – are resources. They constitute the body of knowledge which enables us to move forward with ever greater success. If we were to go back and negate a negative experience from our lives – assuming that we had the power to do so – we would also be negating the wisdom and insight which we potentially stand to gain from that experience.

There are so many reasons NOT TO REGRET. The only exceptions are regrets about having hurt someone – the remorse of having caused pain to another living being. Even then, “regrets” in themselves are rather useless. They change nothing. Better to simply apologize, make amends if possible, and move on with firm resolve not to repeat this mistake again.