Quote of the Week

by Paulo Coelho on October 5, 2009

To say “no” is painful, but much better than a “yes” that brings regrets.

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{ 237 comments… read them below or add one }

THELMA October 7, 2009 at 8:45 am

…………!!!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Dances With Crayons October 7, 2009 at 8:43 am

A great topic, thank you Paulo. Lots of food for thought, thank you everyone!

Sometimes I see invitations to hate or become narrow-minded, even through the newspaper headlines. This hurts because the media is sometimes only sharing the worst of the worst.

But would much rather try to understand! Rather than say ‘yes’ to hate, I am taking the time to read and self-educate. I do not want to hate or fear an entire country of individuals, or mistrust anyone blindly, because a newspaper or even a government, tells me to. Nor do I wish to be hated, because of geographics. There is beauty everywhere, and new friends to make everywhere!

Much Love to ALL, Jane : ) xo

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Daniel October 7, 2009 at 11:34 pm

Hi Jane,

I can’t remember the last time I read a newspaper or watched a news broadcast and felt that it improved the quality of my life. I used to have this conversation with my ex-wife quite often, she’s a journalist.. ;-)

With love, Daniel

Savita Vega October 8, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Yes, great insight, Jane. I totally agree. As an American, I can firmly assess that, at any given moment, there is an entire list of groups, peoples, or nations that my government would be pleased to convince me to perceive as “the enemy.” In this aim, the press is utilized as a great propaganda machine – its well-oiled wheels forever grinding out the ingredients of blind hatred.

Similarly, I can also discern that there is much animosity toward Americans in many parts of the world…and probably for very good reason. Still, I am an individual, and it is my upmost desire to be treated like one at all times. When I go abroad or encounter someone from another country, for example, I WANT them to ask me about my political views, my beliefs and my convictions. I want them to take the time to investigate what I think, assess how I behave, AS AN INDIVIDUAL. Then, if they are not pleased, they are free to hate me or count me as “the enemy,” as they so choose.

Just give me the respect to be treated as an individual, first and foremost – this is all I ask. Similarly, regardless of what the press has to say about any group of people, I try very hard to extend this same degree of respect to every individual whom I encounter.

Dances With Crayons October 9, 2009 at 8:23 am

Dear Daniel, Catherine and Savita,

Thank you with all of my heart : ) (seems not the right word, or not enough sometimes)

It feels good to see in this Blog, that individuals stand together, whether all points are agreed upon or not doesn’t matter. People from everywhere in the world!! There is only Love shared and written here. It is peaceful.

Enjoyed watching some Sufi dancers in YouTube this week. The whirling, and learning about the history of the dancing, was beautiful. Then started seeing everyone in the world trying to achieve their dreams, as prayer in motion. It was a lovely experience.

Amnesty International interests me a lot as does National Geographic. One thing that I have noticed so far, through travel, is what seems to bring us together. Love, beauty, good food, great books, a sunny or rainy day, someone needing help, music, little cafes. : )

Thank you friends, With Love, Jane : ) xo

Marie-Christine October 7, 2009 at 7:56 am

“Aujourd’hui je ne jugerai rien de ce qui survient
Et en ne jugeant rien de ce qui survient je creerai le silence dans mon esprit.
Et en creant le silence dans mon esprit, je communiquerai avec l’esprit
cosmique qui orchestre le mecanisme de l’Univers
Et dont le murmure nous parvient dans les espaces de silence entre nos pensees.”
auteur inconnu

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aditya October 7, 2009 at 7:48 am

This quote is very significant and one needs to apply it correctly, otherwise there is a chnace of one getting deviated from one’s path without knowing it, thinking that one is on right path.

first let’s know well that the no needs to be delivered in present and the regret if at all it comes ( who knows it actually may push the boundary of our own tolerance) will be in future, future is unceratin, we can never be 100 % sure.

why do we anticipate regret – based on past expereinces, once in a while past is proved wrong.

why is this botehring us at this time.

surely one should say no when one is sure it is in best interest of all party concerned, not just me.

even when one must say no, one should know that the receipient of that no will be sadder and one should have that sympathy.

enjoy folks

love
aditya

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Heart October 7, 2009 at 5:42 pm

…and I just recall from the Bible, let a no be a no and a yes be a yes…

Love & Admiration,
Heart

Den Rod October 7, 2009 at 3:02 am

Hey, everyone,

Linking up ‘Quality of Life’ with ‘Quote of the Week(Yes x No)’: Does everybody enjoy watching a good movie?

I do it often.

A good one is called ‘YES MAN’, with Jim Carrey.

He simply decides to say ‘Yes’ to everything! shoot! Lunatic!

It’s lots of fun!

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Alexandra October 7, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Yeahhh, I love comedies, and …cartoons. Yesterday I saw a good movie with Paris Hilton. Was good. With an ugly friend. Was bit like Callimero.

Daniel October 7, 2009 at 11:07 pm

Hi Den,

Yes! Just watched Nick and Norahs infinite play list. Love a good indie movie, its the teenager in me!

With regard to Yes Man, I was thinking yesterday that it would be interesting to spend a whole day (or week) saying yes or no instinctively, just your instant response, without letting your brain process the situation. You would have to deal with the consequences, but I think it would be fun.

First day at a new job today, so particularly important for me to say yes and no with measure, and be true to myself, not be what i think they want me to be.

With love, Daniel

Alexandra October 8, 2009 at 1:34 pm

I remember when I saw a movie at cinema with my mom, a comedy with Jim Carey. We were laughing so much.
Than, we went out, and we passed near shops. What was there hanging, in a shop door??? A nice pig flying, with wings, and some caws too. I started laughing even more, and mom too, so, imagine the shop keepers coming out and when seeing how we laugh they laugh a lot too…Was craziness.

Priya October 7, 2009 at 2:54 am

To say no is not necessarily painful, but it is uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable not because we have rejected someone else, but because we are flowing against our own nature.

For all warriors of Light, “no” is an equipment we need, in order to keep the Light burning within ourselves.

It is a battle, but compared to real battles it is relatively a light one.

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Paula October 7, 2009 at 1:11 am

awesome quote! and so true :D

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wendy renata espinoza October 6, 2009 at 11:47 pm

and i am saying no’s that are bringing so many regrets now but i am scared to love again i’m saying “no” to an angel. but my heart is not heal yet.

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Jeffeny Gutierrez October 6, 2009 at 11:33 pm

I agree with the quote! Instead of saying ”NO” I say ”Yes” to not make someone feel bad. But the person who suffers is me, myself and I.

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Shane October 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm

Sometimes if one just gives in and takes the easy route and says ‘yes’, in the long term a lot more precious time can be lost rather than if one had remained strong and said ‘no’.

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mytes October 6, 2009 at 8:14 pm

I just said ‘no’ to someone… took much courage but it is indeed relieving. brought me to a new beginning.

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Den Rod October 6, 2009 at 10:00 pm

Stand still!
Look around…!

whenever we use the sword we ought to be alert for the consequences of our act!

It’s recent.
Be alert!

maria-dove October 6, 2009 at 8:00 pm

I wish i had an opinion straight and forward to the quote.
In life almost nothing is totally black or white there are many shades of grey.
The fact that someone says “no” in order not to say “yes” and regret it is a matter of choice once again and strength of character.
Without any doubt a man that can say “no”, knowing the consequences of his decision is a man of strong will.
But i wonder how many of us practically can carry the burden of such decision.
Theoratically we all agree to idea, but in practice i am afraid that is more difficult to do it than say it.
Personally i think that we say “yes” instead of “no” not because we are lacking of strengh character but we are not free enough to do it.
We are not free.
So in order to be able to say “no” we must first of all to be free.

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Yannis October 7, 2009 at 1:47 am

Μμμμμ…

Πολύ ενδιαφέρον!!

Catherine October 6, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Empower someone, and he will sell you in the slave market

Wow. paulo, i just read your twitter quote.. [see above].
I often would agree..
in fact, i learnt when to say yes/no in response to this quality when sensed in someone asking… yet it’s not always easy sometimes to forsee who sells, who entrusts.

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Carolena Sabah October 6, 2009 at 8:44 pm

Hi Catherine and Paulo,

I don’t entirely agree with that sentence ‘Empower someone, and he will sell you in the slave market’
It is a generalization, not everyone would do that.
It all depends on the person and also what Annie said.

Heart October 6, 2009 at 8:56 pm

Hi Catherine & Annie,

I saw this on Twitter too and remember reading Paulo Freire about empowering the poor in Brazil. And just as the quote goes, poor who were helped to work themselves up, when in a better position, they ended up suppressing other poor, instead of giving them the same help they received themselves.

Helping others does run the risk of having the person being helped, turn on you. But I believe these are the exceptions. Most people are very grateful for support, and the fear of ‘being sold on the marked, cannot stop us from helping the needy.

Love and Admiration,
Heart

Daniel October 6, 2009 at 11:02 pm

Perhaps there is a difference between empowering someone and helping them see the path to their own power?

candieb October 6, 2009 at 11:44 pm

I totally second what Heart says here.It’s here too that I have read that we need to open ourselves to others and trust more thy brother,isn’t that correct?Even if it means taking a risk.What can happen really?To lose what?What has been written into your soul till the moment you were created and who you are cannot be taken away.Never.I’ve also read here that we are protected because we hold the truth,isn’t it?What goes round,comes round.The ones who shall sell others on slave market know that they will get the same in return.No one escape the powerful eye of the universe.This is a law above all man’s laws.And we don’t take paper with us in our graves.They won’t count the weight of your coins,they will count the weight of your heart,yes just like in the Egyptian mythology.The purity of an heart.Like it’s been said here too,once again,it’s about how much you have loved,not about how much you’ve made.What to do?Trust in the humankind again or stay on your own alone and angry?Trust and see.Without completely losing yourself.Trust and love otherwise there is no point of being right here,right now on this Earth that is badly shaken and perhaps coming to an “end”.Love is the whole point,if we let one,two,three turning that love(that inner child who has loved)into hatred,anger,bitterness,jaleousy,there is a point to the Sheitan or else,cause those things are not coming from light in the end.It’s hard to do when you holding scars and everyone has them,but we have too,otherwise it consummes us and we can get burnt.And as it’s been said here too,forgiveness is the strongest sword of all,coming from above.

Love to all

THELMA October 7, 2009 at 8:48 am

‘Nobody can enslave a … free Spirit’.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

Tarek October 7, 2009 at 1:02 pm

“Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.”
Love to all

Ilva Asote October 7, 2009 at 4:29 pm

“Empower someone, and he will sell you in the slave market”

I do not agree with this quote.

Jesus: “You have nothing in your hands. Any power you have, comes to you from far beyond. Everything is fixed, and you can’t change it.”

maria-dove October 8, 2009 at 9:46 am

Unfortunately i totaly agree with the phrase “Empower someone, and he will sell you in the slave market”, no one is more ungratefull to you than the one you benefit.

Erreth October 6, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Hi everyone,

It’s really true that saying “no” would be painful, especially if you’re the person that was told with that big “NO.” But sometimes we have to accept the fact that there will be consequences if we insist on saying “yes”, or on this case receiving a “yes” but would later on made us think that it should have been “no.”

This would really apply on the decisions on who you’ll choose to love and who to let go. I remember the song “The One You Love” by Glen Frey, which chorus goes like this.

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin’ back to the one you love?
Someone’s gonna cry when they know they’ve lost you
Someone’s gonna thank the stars above.

My point is, whether you’ll be the one to cry, or be the one to thank the stars, we just have to think about the consequences that we’ll meet if we keep on pushing those things that are not meant to be. For me, I’ve been done with the crying part, wish on the next time that I’ll find the right girl for me, I’ll thank the stars above.

Hope you’ll agree with me. Please feel free to tell me your interpretation on this.

Thanks,

Erreth

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ANDREA H October 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Paulo amei ver a sua alegria na sexta.feira passada (ou foi no sabado?) da igual, me emocionei muito ate que enfin os jogos olimpicos vao para a america latina.estou feliz

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Alexandra October 6, 2009 at 3:26 pm

Found on site for learning English, maybe is fit here…
“Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.”
Author: Isaac Goldberg

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Carolena Sabah October 6, 2009 at 8:49 pm

The English are great at this Alexandra. They have mastered that art.

candieb October 6, 2009 at 11:48 pm

And I love british humour and I do miss it a lot!

THELMA October 7, 2009 at 8:50 am

At least they say it in a nice way, unlike some others who .. lack good manners. ;-]
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

Catherine October 7, 2009 at 11:52 am

sometimes nasty things have to be done.. so it’s best to say them in the nicest of ways…

Ankita October 6, 2009 at 3:07 pm

no also brings regrets like when someone offers me chocolate and i act modest and say a no…man! its all so complicated…anyways…

muuuuaaaahs!
love love love to everybody!

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Alexandra October 6, 2009 at 5:19 pm

ha ha, you really mean a “no”???
maybe was not you loved type of chocolate, lol.

Maybe was dark and you loved with milk…
Love
Alexandra
can I have one instead of you?

THELMA October 7, 2009 at 8:57 am

I had fallen in the ‘no’ trap, as a child when my mother took me with her for a visit. My mother’s friend came and asked me: Would you like a sweet….?? And I said NO, because I thought that it was a sweet I did not like.. When she brought to the others and I realized it was ‘almond sweet’, oh I was .. devastated! An early lesson: never answer before listening to the ..whole sentence or read all the … terms! ;-]
We all know the minute letters on a Lawyer’s or a Bank’s contract!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

hazel v. October 6, 2009 at 12:17 pm

I think we must say yes and if it doesn’t work, then the answer is no…I think, this way, there’ll be no regrets and blaming nor pointing fingers like saying “I told you so”….

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THELMA October 6, 2009 at 11:21 am

Che fece…Il gran rifiuto.
For some people the day comes
when they have to declare the great Yes
or the great No. It’s clear at once who has the Yes
ready within him; and saying it,

he goes from honour to honour, strong in his conviction.
He who refuses does not repent. Asked again,
he would still say no. Yet that no – the right no -
drags him down all his life.

Constantine P. Cavafy

Sometimes we say No with our … logic, but inside us our Heart is crying and dying ..
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Tarek October 6, 2009 at 10:24 am

True!
But it is equally true to say:
To say “Yes” is difficult, but much better than a “no” that brings regrets.
How many people say “no” only to avoid the commitment that the word “yes” carry with?!
In fact nowadays, there might be more no-ers than yes-ers..
Tarek

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Liina.L October 6, 2009 at 10:38 am

My lesson of today: everything is relative.

Yes, Tarek, that is also very true. A lot of people who say no, is because saying yes to them is more difficult.
But I am not sure, if there are more no-ers. It’s the matter of perception, our recent experiences, or our society, and also many different things…

Love,
Liina

Alexandra October 6, 2009 at 1:24 pm

See, sometimes the “no” is the better solution, so , why saying yes???
Dont you think so?
As the post with “theres nothing totally wrong or negative”.

Carolena Sabah October 6, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Tarek,

Your post is wonderful!
Liina… ‘everything is relative’ that’s my motto!

Anything that brings regrets is not good! Why does someone regret something that happened in the past? One, and probably most universal is what the situation brought upon is not what the person wanted or intended. Two, because they got hurt or harmed, or because they didn’t know what they were getting into, they had not analyzed the situation or the person enough and what they got, was not what they thought it would be.

I don’t like regrets, I hardly ever regret anything. If I was asked if there is anything I regret anything I’ve done in my past… I would have to think Really really hard to find something that I regretted.

I am not disagreeing with you dear Paulo, your statement is most true, so is Tarek’s and as Liina says, everything is relative.

What I would like to extract and keep from your statement, is this; That the truth hurts, what I have to say to someone, might not be what they want to hear, still, saying it like it is is less costly than sugar coating something to keep someone happy and likely… in the dark.

It’s true that the truth hurts, but the truth is also liberating!

Thank you for a wonderful quote!
Hugs and kisses
C.

DECLAN RYAN IRELAND October 6, 2009 at 12:41 am

HI PAUL I WISH TO EXTEND MY GRATEFULNESS FOR PRACTICALLY INSTILLING IN ME A NEW MORE POSITIVE OUTLOOK ON LIFE I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING A VERY LONG TIME,I WAS IN RECOVERY FOR 6YRS TOTAL ABSDTINENCE FROM ALL MOOD ALTERING CHEMICALS,IT WAS THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE I BECAME A FATHER TO TWO BEAUTIFUL KIDS MY PRINCESS ANGEL JESSICA 9YRS OLD AND MY LITTLE SOLDIER ZAIN,HOWEVER I LOST A LOT OF MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY,MY MUM MY TWO YOUNG BROTHERS DEREK AND JOHN,AND MY TWO SISTER TWIGGY AND DIANE,I RELAPSED DUE TO MY INABILITY TO DEALING WITH THE PAIN AS I WAS WITH MY SISTERSD AND MUM WHEN THEUY DIED,PAUL I HAVE READ ALL OF YOUR BOOKS AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FROM BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR GIVING ME HOPE,PLEASE REPLY TO MY EMAIL AS IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME,GOD BLESS AND GOODNITE FROM IRELAND,DECLAN

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Sherry October 6, 2009 at 12:11 am

For me yes’s are much easier than no’s. And many times I say yes, when I want to say no. So when I do say no, I really mean it. At that point, there are no regrets, just a sense of pride that I tried all the yes’s I could, and now I am totally sure about the no!

Thanks,
Sherry

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Heart October 6, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Dear Sherry,

Your words remind me I used to say ‘yes’ often when I meant ‘no’, when I was younger, because I was afraid to hurt the feelings of others. So instead I ended up hurting my own feelings. I had to learn to say ‘no’ when I meant ‘no’. I believe many women need to work on this.

Love & Admiration,
Heart

Helena October 5, 2009 at 11:55 pm

I am 55 and have just learned how to say ‘no’ and/or ‘yes’ with substance. Freedom at last! With responsibility as my ‘yes’ and ‘no’ will have a ripple effect. Whatever I send out seems to come back in the weirdest ways!

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Daniel October 5, 2009 at 11:37 pm

This speaks to me of honesty. To say yes when we mean “no” to avoid pain, to avoid a confrontation, to avoid disappointing someone, to appear “kind” is a yes with conditions attached.

Better to be honest.

With love, Daniel

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Irina Black October 5, 2009 at 9:43 pm

Any choice brings regrets anyway,just “positive” or “negative” regrets we can choose from.

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hazel v. October 5, 2009 at 9:22 pm

OH YES!!..I SAY “NO”! .. ;)..

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Catherine October 5, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Well, I can say that my mother said yes – to an ongoing marriage for the sake of her children… when she should immediately have said no.. but she felt pain over responsibility towards us her children.

I’m happy she said no in the end…
;o) xxx

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Heart October 5, 2009 at 8:37 pm

Your quote today make me think about how hard it can be to change, when we say no to our ‘old self’ it can be very painful, and even to say yes to ‘our new self’ can be painful. A compromise might be the more gentle solution. Let me show an example of such an inner dialogue;

‘Proper Young Lady (Scolding, shaking finger): Look at yourself! You’re a disgrace to me and everyone around you.

Born-Again Child (puzzled): What are you talking about?

Proper Young Lady (pointing): Your clothes are worn, and they have stains and loose buttons. Your hair is unkempt, and you’re barefooted!

Born-Again Child: I AM playing

Proper Young Lady (sighing, shaking head, tightening mouth): Yes, I know. You play entirely too much. Life is serious; life is demanding. And you are missing the point.

Born-Again Child: (on the attack): You just want me to be like you…neat, tidy, and emotionally constipated. Never a hair out of place or an original thought. Your idea of an adventure is to ride the city bus. You’ve got too many rules, too many resented duties, too little imagination. You’re scared of making mistakes.

Proper Young Lady (shocked and insulted): How dare you! You who won’t do a moment’s work unless you’re having fun doing it! You who have no responsibilities! You who have no sense of history or future! You dare to mock me? I’ve lived and I’ve suffered. I know ten times as much about life as you. Do you dare reject what I have to say?

Born-Again Child (rolling down a long hill slope, getting grass stains on her jeans): Yep. I don’t need what you’ve got to teach.

Proper Young Lady (frustrated): Sit down and listen to me. It’s not polite to talk back to your betters. And look at how disheveled you’ve gotten yourself!

Born-Again Child (laughing): I’m never going to be polite. I’m going to be honest instead. I’ll say what I think and feel and I’ll do what feels good. Like this (throws an imaginary water-balloon at the conservatively dressed Proper Young Lady).

Proper Young Lady (drenched and acting outraged): You miserable brat! You self-indulgent, inconsiderate, rotten child! I’ll show you (starts toward Born-Again Child, who skips away, just out of reach).’

Love and Admiration,
Heart

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aditya October 6, 2009 at 8:04 am

proper young lady needs to cool down a bit and the born again child needs to know he is here to have fun and learn e.g. why he says he cannnot be polite, is tehir any conflict between being truthful and being polite.

By the way , do u have any idea, why is thsi topic being discussed ! by the way, u seem to be right w.r.t the commnet on the wol newsletter stuff, comments which are found irrelevant or provoking may get edited also.

love

aditya

Den Rod October 5, 2009 at 8:31 pm

The other way around is also true: saying “yes, I made a mistake _ Forgive me!” might be better sometimes than saying “No, I’m not apologizing _ I don’t care about you! Get lost!” that might bring regrets…

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Anne October 5, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Listen with your third ear. Boundaries are healthy. Make sure, however, that you are choosing for you and not the other person.

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Mari Ann October 5, 2009 at 6:01 pm

It is very painful to say no, and then regret saying no for the rest of your life. I have a couple of those. I think it is be better to say yes, and then take the consequenses – good or bad. For me a bad result of saying yes is better than playing it safe and say no. This is how you grow.

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aditya October 6, 2009 at 8:14 am

:-)

yes

love
aditya

Pandora October 5, 2009 at 5:53 pm

I hear this song, when I read this quote, the beautiful Diva Edith Piaf….

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien : Edith Piaf

No! Nothing at all
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good things
Nor the bad – they’re all the same to me!

No! Nothing at all
No! I regret nothing
It’s been paid for, swept away, forgotten
I don’t give a damn about the past!

My memories
I have burnt my memories
My sorrows, my pleasures
I don’t need them any more

Swept away, the love affairs
And all their tremblings
Swept away for ever
I am starting anew

No! Nothing at all
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good things
Nor the bad – they’re all the same to me!

No! Nothing at all
No! I regret nothing
For my life, for my joys
Today, they start with you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YGXsw3XK9I&feature=related

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Alexandra October 6, 2009 at 7:16 am

I like in French, really nice “rrrrr” in rien…!!!
Love
Alexandra

THELMA October 6, 2009 at 11:18 am

Beautiful song, dearest Pandora and a very sad life and film..
Thank you.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

Joël October 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I am not speaking !!!!!

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Catherine October 5, 2009 at 5:17 pm

this is a good quote in cases such as relationships.. or choosing a new job..
do what your heart says…

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Sophie October 5, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Hola,
esta quote me llego en el momento perfecto, estoy aprendiendo a decir “no”. Siempre digo que “si” incluso a cosas de las que no estoy segura o que se que no me van a beneficiar en nada e incluso me pueden perjudicar.
Siempre he pensado que un “no” te cierra muchas puertas y que a pesar de que despues me arrepienta, al final puedo decir que hice todo lo que pude.

La respuesta de Savita me hace pensar en los limites, en que en realidad tenemos que establecer hasta donde estamos dispuestos a llegar, y al final de cuentas habremos llegado hasta donde nos fue posible y esta bien.

Si decir que “no” resulta en lastimar a otras personas, es algo que tampoco nos tiene que dar miedo o hacernos sentir mal porque seguro algo bueno aprendera de eso, igual que nosotros.

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Savita Vega October 6, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Hola, Sophie,
Es cierto que un “no” te cierra muchas puertas, pero algunas puertas deben ser cerradas para que otros puedan abrir para nosotros. Todavía estoy aprendiendo a decir “no” también.

Gracias!

Un Beso,
Savita

kealan October 5, 2009 at 4:43 pm

We have to look after ourselves no matter what :0

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Laxmi October 5, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Dear Paulo and friends,
There is a self-help book written with the title’ “Don’t say YES when you want to say No” by Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D. and Jean Baer .

I have wondered why the title was named such and not “Don’t say No when you want to say Yes”. Shouldn’t the reverse statement also be equally true and as emphatic as the actual title of the book?
But as you read the book you would understand ..
that it’s important to say ‘No’ when you mean/want ‘No’.

Saying ‘No’ when you actually want to say ‘Yes’ is usually in situations where you have to.

Example: There is a boy (teenager) who is going out with his friends and all his friends want to drink alcohol, and they ask the boy if he wants to come along. if the Boy in his heart/mind/soul does not want to do it then he would not regret if he said that aloud: No.
But if the boy felt peer pressure and said ‘Yes’ even if his mind or body or heart is saying ‘no’ then he will have regrets. Because he knew the consequences adn still did it.

This quote applies when sometimes we feel outward pressure to do something that one does not fundamentally beleive in.

On the other hand there are situations where you want to say ‘Yes’ but have to say ‘No’ instead…like when someone asks me ‘ Do you want icecream ‘ ;)

love,
Laxmi

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Savita Vega October 6, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Somehow, saying “yes” is easy for me. I think its part of my training, my conditioning, from childhood – just say “yes” and make everyone happy, even if this “yes” makes you suffer. This is what it means to be a “good person.”

Saying “no,” however, can be very difficult. It requires, courage, tenacity, that I harness all my inner resources and force myself to speak what seems to me a forbidden utterance. With the “no” comes the shadow of guilt.

This is a very dangerous upbringing, I think, because it has prevented me from being able to set limits for myself – what I will and will not accept from others, what I am and am not willing to do for them. The journey from always saying “yes” to learning to say “no” (when I want to) has been a long one.

This, I would assume, is why there is the one book and not the other – why the emphasis is on saying “no.” Because many of us find it all too easy to say “yes” but nearly impossible to say “no.” Thus, we need books to help us learn this art of saying “no” without guilt, to teach us how to set limits we can live with.

Liina.L October 5, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Yeah, Paul. That’s even better.
Thanks,
Liina

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Yannis October 5, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Definitely…

Life has contrapositions.
It has “black” and “white”.
“Up” and “down”.
“Good” and “bad”
“Love” and “hate”.
“Fast” and “slow”.
… … …
“YES” and “NO”.

If you feel like saying “yes”, go ahead and accept. You are not polite; you are yourself.
If you feel like saying “no”, just decline. You are not rude; you are yourself.

Love to all…!

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THELMA October 5, 2009 at 3:45 pm

As I have said before, the first word that comes to my mind when I am asked about something is .. NO! This no that gives me the time to ‘think’, to see all aspects of a situation, to let things mature. Not many have the … patience to wait for me …. changing my answer or can ‘see’ that No may mean Yes.
It is a test I may put to find out the real .. feelings or intentions of others, but mine too. But I believe that DESTINY plays the first Role in our saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’. AND we have to take the … leap of faith and learn how to .. fly and live without ‘security net’!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Catherine October 5, 2009 at 9:17 pm

I noticed in Ghana, that the sound given to ‘give time to think’ went something like this..
a he, a he..

;o) xxxx

noki October 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm

dear paulo,
its good u say to say a NO than a regretful YES, and u also say, a warrior of light does not regret, he humbles and UNDOES the wrong he did, so please tell me,
i had said an impulsive yes to my ex-lover(who still loves me, but its over from my end now, for no reason, now i regret i broke his heart telling him this truth, that i dont feel love anymore.
now how to undo the wrong, and not feel regretful also.

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Alexandra October 5, 2009 at 3:35 pm

i WROTE MESSAGE BUT ERASED. hAVE TO WRITE AGAIN. Well, I want to add the importance to live with a ” no”, to accept that something maybe we want have, or not very soon. This is linked to being able to say a ” no”.

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Alexandra October 5, 2009 at 3:38 pm

And must link that also with self respect. One must say no to being used or abused.

Emi October 5, 2009 at 3:08 pm

hello to everyone…
well, this quote is an advice that my father has given to me..”if you are not sure about something, u’d better say no”.
i don’t know if i agree to this quote..
Saying no can also bring regrets..i wait for your opinion on this…

Love,
Emi

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Yannis October 5, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Hi Emi,

I had read that our brain is somehow divided in 2 parts.

The left hemisphere (LH) which controls the right side of our body and “is” the action and the logic.

The right hemisphere (RH) which controls our left side and “is” our emotions or instincts.

Sometimes, when we are offered something, our logic (LH) has no actual arguments to say “no”. However, simultaneously, we FEEL that we don’t want to accept that offer. Our (RH) says “no”.

Indeed, sometimes the (RH) is faster than the (LH). My opinion is to listen to your feelings and instincts and say “no”. Later, if you realize the reason behind your turndown, you can talk to the other person about your decision.

Hope I helped!
Take care…

aditya October 6, 2009 at 8:22 am

if u are not sure about something it is better to find out before u say yes or no.

love
aditya

candieb October 5, 2009 at 3:04 pm

We have to do what we have to do.Concentrate and close eyes to listen to the answer echoing inside of ourself,deep inside.The most important thing is to not have any regrets before we cross over.We got already too much from previous lives,why adding some weight in your heart and soul?But we need great concentration too cause there are forces that will try to push you towards the wrong answer.It’s not easy and we have to take out time when comes the important decisions that could change the course of our life.To remember as well to not being afraid of mistakes cause there aren’t in the end and that no matter if you take the shortest or the longest road it all leads to where you should be in the end.It carries on lives after lives.That life or the next one.Saying “NO” or saying “YES” it’s your own choice,it’s personal.Beware of other’s advices as they are talking from their point of view and soul,they are not in your heart and they are not in your head.Beware to let them out,as it should be.Do listen to yourself only with highly concentration.

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morningglory October 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Than can you say that you know what is the life if you belive so much in the God, you can do that you never thinking about the thing and you understand that you must just live and enjoy the life with this recognition. you never thinking about what must you do, because you will know and feel everything happening than and when you need. But this just than work if you feel this without any fair and you belive the God care you, and if you can feel this with pure heart, in the whole heart. than will you begin your realy life.

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Liina.L October 6, 2009 at 12:48 pm

:)
Yep…

Ankita October 5, 2009 at 2:31 pm

yes, i just started dieting, i wanna get back in shape…lol..it suits me…perfect..thank you Paulo…love you..
Blessings to all…love to all..hope to all…strength to all…
hugs n kisses…<3

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Savita Vega October 5, 2009 at 2:13 pm

(A perfect description of my weekend.) Yes, sometimes we do have to say “no” and, on occasion, this can even mean hurting someone else’s feelings. Still, if we know down deep in our heart that the answer is “no,” we have to be true to ourselves first and above all. We mustn’t allow ourselves to be led down roads that we know we do not wish to traverse and which, inevitably, would lead to regrets.

Personally, I find it a very difficult thing to say “no” when I know that this answer is going to bring pain to someone else, someone who in no way “deserves” it, someone toward whom I hold no ill feelings whatsoever. Yet, when it is an issue of my own integrity (i.e. being true to myself), somehow I find the courage to so.

Unfortunately, the universe sometimes puts us in situations where we have no choice but to hurt someone else’s feelings, even when we don’t wish to do so, even when we are doing everything in our power to be as compassionate and understanding as possible. We have no choice but to set boundaries: this is what I want in my life…this is what I DO NOT want in my life…. It’s like building a fence, which defines our values, our needs, and our desires. And when we built a fence, eventually, almost inevitably, someone is bound to come along and run smack into it: “The answer is ‘no,’ and that’s it.” So, the other person either screams out in pain, or flies into a rage, begging or demanding that this fence be removed. But the fence must remain, because it is what defines our integrity, it is what insures that we remain true to ourselves.

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Liina.L October 5, 2009 at 1:58 pm

To say “no” is painful, when a part of us has a (determined) reason to say yes. Or when we would like to at least have a choice of choosing between “yes” or “no”. Maybe also, because we don’t know how to say “no” (because we’ve used to saying “yes” or that we just want to please others… or because we feel obliged).

Sometimes we have to say “yes” even if we don’t want to say it, to find out later that there wasn’t any regrets. Sometimes saying yes when we would like to say “no” is some lesson we have to learn.

Why not say NO when we want/need to, or feel like it, while being ok with it, without it being painful to us? For some of us, it’s a state to be accomplished, a challenge to change.

Love,
Liina

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Savita Vega October 5, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Yes, that “need to please others” at all costs is a very dangerous thing. It is good to be pleasing when being pleasing is equitable – when it does not jeopardize our fundamental values, beliefs, needs or desires. But when we start selling ourselves out just to “please” or “appease” others, herein enters the problem. Then we become something other than what we truly are – we lose our integrity, and with it, our power. We become not a human but a shadow.

aditya October 5, 2009 at 1:39 pm

yes !

but only if to say ‘no’ is painful, if saying no is pampering our ego then ?

even while one says no, one should be sorry that one had to. In ramayan there is a stanza where the scene where Ravan’s brother comes to Rama seeking his refuse. Sugrib, who is teh king of the army of monkeys and bears, and also Rama’s chief military officer, advises rama against giving shelter to Vibhisana, but rama overrules him lovingly and says ” one who refuses shelter to one who asks for it, specially fearing some problems for himslef, earns a lot of sin”

and there are some issues here, first no is said upfront when one is not aware whether yes will bring some regrets, anticipating regerts should we say no ?

practicle what paulo has quoted but not very desirable !

love
aditya

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Savita Vega October 5, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Hospitality is one thing, foolishness is another. I’ll give you a couple of examples:

Once, a friend of mine, a psychologist who practiced out of her home, was asked to take on a new patient. When she looked into the man’s records, he proved to be quite psychotic, with a lengthy record of physical violence. She became quite torn as to what she should do, so she asked Guru for advice. Guru said, “Be polite, but turn him away. Don’t accept this client.” But she argued, “God sent this man into my life – it must be for a reason. Maybe so I can help him?” Guru said, “Yes, very true – God did send him into your life, but sometimes God sends people to us specifically for us to say ‘no.’”

Second example: Once, a friend of mine came by my apartment for a visit. When I answered the door, she said, “My sister is in the car. Do you mind if she comes in?” Her sister, I knew, was a drug addict, with a very long criminal history. So, I said, “Thank you for asking, because, yes, I do mind. I don’t want her in my house, and I’d rather you not bring her here, at all, even in the parking lot.” Now, this might sound frightfully rude and not all all in keeping with the rules of “good hospitality,” but this sister was of the type that, if I invited her into my house, I might have the police knocking at the door in the next minute, because she had just done a drug deal in the parking lot and had the “goods” in her purse. And if not this, then I might come home the next day to find my computer, my TV, and everything I owned missing, because she had broken in, stolen it all, and sold it for drug money.

I don’t feel that we are obligated to always say “yes,” always be inviting and hospitable, even in opposition to our best judgment, even despite the apparent dangers. Sometimes we have to say “no,” and just trust that, in good time, the Universe will give these people the wisdom to understand why they are being repeated rejected. Even a firm “no” can serve a very good purpose, as God can find a way to turn this into a learning experience for this individual. Sometimes we just have to stand our ground and trust in this, even if the situation is painful, and even if we seem rude.

Catherine October 5, 2009 at 1:12 pm

i sense that with this quote that there might come full circle of my thoughts lol…

I’ve never had to give a ‘yes’ that then brings regrets. Yet I indeed have found saying ‘no’ incredibly difficult. In fact, around my mi-20′s I realised that I had to stop being a complete doormat and learn to say no. Ironically, i was faced with less situations that demanded the ‘no’ answer… but in my mind i had the word well practised by then!
I don’t know – though perhaps have wiped from memory for my own sake – what a regretful ‘yes’ entails…
I kind of have learnt to view those moments and experiences as ones for me to grow and learn from…
if somebody or something is asking… then why should i ignore? surely that says something more about me than the situation/task in hand? Regretting usually comes if I perceive complete embarrassment or something similar.

I feel that this quote is significant where we must consider our own time as important as the next persons… because sometimes in this life we are carried along as if on some whirlwind train… and it’s hard to feel as if you can say “let me off”… i want to go .. ‘this way.’ So this is a quote about individuality, self-determination and empowerment for me..
which, if you feel you have a full cup of in the first place, then of course, saying yes rarely brings regrets.

‘to give of yourself, is to give the most’

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THELMA October 6, 2009 at 6:08 am

So, dearest Catherine, I know now that sound that I am going to make insteasd of …. NO: A he, a he, a he!!!!!……
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Alexandra October 6, 2009 at 7:17 am

lol…

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aditya October 6, 2009 at 8:16 am

Annie Dear !

yes it is so, but what if u are wrong, afterall u say no in the present and the imagined regret is in future, no one has seen future so what if u are wrong !

love
aditya

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THELMA October 6, 2009 at 9:00 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrLxb-DVAmw&feature=related

Yes Swannie, say instead of yes say: I do, I do, I do … love you!!;-]
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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aditya October 6, 2009 at 8:21 am

yes !

no ‘rules’ have uiversal applicability. if it’s your self respect which is at stake then u may say no, but then again it depends uopn to whom are u saying no, i think.

love
aditya

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aditya October 6, 2009 at 8:42 am

yes savita,

foolishness is not hospitality.

but whenver we ‘have to’ say no say to that drug addict, we should feel sorry for that person, we should say that no with regret. imagine what would have zesus done faced with a similar situaion, what would have buddha done. remember Khahlil Gibran when he says that society and thus us are also responsible for teh sorry state of one of its memebrs. it may not eb humanly possible to say yes to every request we receive, but we should say no only when we are left with no otehr alternative and even while saying no we should feel the pain. my way !

love
aditya

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Daniel October 6, 2009 at 11:30 pm

Thank you for these examples aditya and Savita, they are great. I just had the thought that involving yourself in someones Karma is a very serious matter. I don’t think you even need to pity or feel sorry for (or judge) the drug addict, just as you don’t need to involve yourself in their journey. As soon as you start feeling sorry for them you have judged them as somehow worse than you. “It is as it is”. They are having experiences that will help them evolve in the great scheme of things. The universe provides everything we need, it’s people’s egos that try and provide what they think we want. If you say “yes” or “no” from love, why do you have regrets?

The drug addict may also ask for money from time to time. If you say yes, how many people are you enslaving?

With love, Daniel

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Tarek October 6, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Hi Liina,
Yes you’re right, lots of factors play a role here!
When I wrote the comment I was reflecting on an increasing phenomena I’m observing in many (though not all) of my students that is the lack or unwillingness to commit them selfs under the context of what they call keeping there freedom. In one way or other they became prisoner to there freedom..
But I guess too that Annie is right some are simply not sure and unable to decide which bring us back to last week quote..
Once I read that the difference between good and evil is like the different between yes and no (is it from Paulo?)..
Well, as you truly said it is relative..
Greetings from Vienna

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Tarek October 6, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Ha ha, yes, the maybe-ers…there is lots of them great word.
love,
tarek

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Tarek October 6, 2009 at 1:38 pm

I totally agree!
It is not the word that matter but where and in which context we use it..

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Catherine October 6, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Thank you Annie xx !

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Catherine October 6, 2009 at 1:55 pm

It would make me chuckle when Ghanaians spoke ‘a he, a he’… I could almost catch their thought processes considering the proposition..
and by that time i had laughed it didn’t matter what answer was given, because the persons charm had come through and brought smiles. But invariably, Ghanaians are generous and magnaminous .. so the answer came.. yes!

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Catherine October 6, 2009 at 1:56 pm

I know!! i was chuckling just trying to transcribe the sound ;o)x

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Heart October 6, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Hi Aditya,

Your festival must be over by now. Aditya, to me it’s an ideal to be polite. However, I’ll give you one example where it is wrong to be polite. Imagine a child sit at a table with a plate full of food she doesn’t like? Should she finish the meal just to be polite? Nah. But she can make a polite excuse of course.

Why this topic is being discussed? I can only guess. Perhaps Paulo feels he has to say ‘no’ to many of his admirers, and try to explain to them why? What do you think is the reason why this quote was posted?

The Newsletter…It used to be we could sign up for it. I didn’t sign up, because I try to avoid having a lot of automated e-mails coming to me, and prefer to choose what I read. Later I wanted to sign up for Paulo’s Newsletter, but now I don’t see anywhere I can sign up. It’s funny you bring up this. Because at least 3 – 4 times I posted things as comment on the Newsletter and my comment went missing. Aditya, sometimes I just leave things without trying to explain, not to loose my hair over it, but must admit, when it comes to the Newsletter, I am very hesitant to post a comment, because it has been deleted several times…so why waist my time :)

Love & Admiration,
Heart

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Savita Vega October 6, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Yes, I definitely agree. When we say “no” in those situations it should not be from a sense of superiority – looking down upon those individuals as though we are somehow “better” then they are. We should look at them with compassion and understanding (even when we cannot help them), knowing that, were it not for the good grace of God, we might be in that same situation. We should be, at once, grateful for our own lot in life, and humble.

Love,
savita

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Pandora October 6, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Parrrrrrfait Alexandra, :-D

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Pandora October 6, 2009 at 6:01 pm

It is a beautiful song, she was an incredible lady, I don’t think that you can judge a persons life by a film, or even a book, but if you look to her expression, her joy, the beauty she gives when she sings, she is magnificent.

Her life was like a rose that grew as a result of and despite all the thorns of her life, and she left a beautiful mark on the world with her song.

Piaf = Sparrow, she sang without a reason, but because she loved.

XXX

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Heart October 6, 2009 at 9:00 pm

Yep…the thing is we will never know for sure in advance if we will regret something or not. The only way is if we go on making our own experiences and try to draw some conclusions from it. But each opportunity is so different that how could we know to answer yes or no, and be sure. Imagine Annie, if you met God one day, and He asked you to follow Him, and you thought, nah I might regret it. That would be a big BUMMER hehe.

Kisses @ ya sis!

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1244 October 6, 2009 at 9:22 pm

that’s noti

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maria-dove October 8, 2009 at 9:39 am

Dear Carolina,
“some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you”…..
These are the lyrics from a song by “Eurithmics” and some people think that these lyrics express a universal reality. What do you think of that?

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Pandora October 7, 2009 at 1:15 am

Carolena

Just two or three posts up you have said ” it is a generalisation, not everyone would do that, it all depends on the person”, I agree with this in context to your post above as well.

XXX

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Ankita October 7, 2009 at 9:22 am

hahahah..yes i know…i will keep that in mind next time someone offers me chocolate or anything for that matter :)

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Alexandra October 7, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Ha ha ha… I have to eat one now, else…
Ok. Thank you. I laugh so much now. I can understand you!!!
Love
Alexandra

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Alexandra October 7, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Ohh, yes. I have a bad experience, with a phone company. I signed a contract that seemed clear, instead, I almost accepted slavery! Hope to come out soon, but still I lose much money for nothing.

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Ankita October 7, 2009 at 9:24 am

i realized later that it was indeed the chocolate that i loved, never say no to chocolates, never…

lol, oh you can have all the chocolates that i have…
*hands a box of chocolates*

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aditya October 7, 2009 at 9:48 am

Hi heart !

when u help someone, a very subtle ego position develops. no one likes to be in inferior position where one has to seek and receive help. so when u have helped, that person may be thnakful consiously, but in subconsious somewhere a desire develops wishing for a situation where u are seeking help and that person can give it, to even out teh score. so in many instances u will find that persons who get helped turn against the benefactors. nothing to be disheartned about though, we, keep on doing what we must, help opthers if that is our nature. ( pretty sad if it ain’t )

about poor who become rich becomming more resentful towards other poor, that is how it happnes, the poor are poor not just because of some conspiracy of universe against them but also because of some traits of their own being.

in all this helping others etc, let’s limit ourselves to our own actions, i feel and say no when things become impossible to carry further.

regards
aditya

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candieb October 7, 2009 at 10:08 am

Exactly Thelma,a real free spirit!

I LOVE YOU

xxxxx

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Satora October 8, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Thelmaki..

“Call someone your lord and he’ll sell you in the slave market.”
Arabian proverb

there is another Arabian proverb..

“He who is a slave of truth is a free man.”

Filakia,

Satoraki

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Tarek October 7, 2009 at 11:47 am

Beautifully said Carolina,
I am just thinking that though I believe that there is one eternal truth, it manifests herself to us in different forms depends on our insight..
What I want to say is that truth is relative too, what seemed to me absolutely true 10 years ago, looks irrelevant today and vise versa. Yes it is a kind of relativity.
Does truth hurt? yes but it hurts mostly those who does not want to see it want to stay in the dark or bound to the truths of yesterday, like you correctly said.
Once I read that pain of the soul is mostly caused by our resistance to change though changes will come regardless of our acceptance or not..
love from Vienna
Tarek

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Lavanya October 7, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Ah, you put in words the same thing I was trying to express! I think saying a no, or even clearly saying “I don’t know” is better, so that there is an element of truth between the two (or more) parties, rather than saying “yes” because that is the norm. Every yes/no question is risky (big or small risk), and maybe it is useful to ask oneself if it is a risk that one wants/likes to take.

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maria-dove October 7, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Τι κάνεις Γιάννη είσαι καλά? Την απάντηση στο προηγούμενο θέμα για την σεξουαλικότητα την είδες?Κάτι γινόταν εκείνη τη μέρα και δεν πέρναγε καμία απάντηση.

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maria-dove October 8, 2009 at 10:05 am

Μια χαρά Γιάννη,
το σύστημα μάλλον δεν “άντεξε” την απάντηση τα ελληνικά μάλλον το μπλόκαραν (αστειεύομαι).Πάντως το ευχαριστήθηκα που έγραψα στη γλώσσα μας. Όλοι οι άλλοι δεν ξέρω.

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aditya October 7, 2009 at 2:40 pm

see this is why they say that even when we are awake we are sleeping, not that we ‘have to be’ consistent, we can always accept an opposing point of view, modify our own or even say things in pure jest, as was said by carlonena perhaps.

love
aditya

PS : By the way whenever i look across my country and see that progress is being made, my gratitude turns to the british people too, they gave us modern education systems, they unified the country ( finally against them ;-) ) as a political entity, the railways ( now when i am working in projects department, i am amzed at what they achived in those days, with the quality they acheived ), the adminstration mechanism and above all their sense of fair play, justice, afterall what would have been the situation had say hitlarian mentality, gandhi would have been up against, ‘oh ! so this chap is a trouble maker, just bump him off’ a few days protests, brutal repression and all dies down, forgotten in sands of time. Gandhi became gandhi also because his opponets were the people of great britain, people with sense of fair play and justice, was the view of a very elderly friend of mine.

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aditya October 7, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Ankita,
u appear creative.

now we know why some people feel that their weight is more than it should be. has it something to do with love for chocolates ?

love
aditya

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aditya October 7, 2009 at 2:55 pm

yes priceless ! so thelma what is the way out of this dilema? , do as the situation ‘demands’ while remianing aware of why u are doing what u are doing ? a tough job !! 99% of things we do we are hardly aware why we do. and that gets us to classic catch 22 situation, till we know who we are, we cannot decide what we want, as a stop gap arrangement, let’s forget about whatever we are supposed to be and just see things as they appear to us with only one diffrence, let’s remain aware of our own awarenss, and just act, adding whatever value one can to the various ‘systems’ one finds oneself a part of, playfully.

love
aditya

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Laxmi October 7, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Dear Aditya,
Well said… When we help someone ..not everyone…but some people feel that way as you describe wanting to even the score.
I think we should sometimes accept the help given to us and pay it back by helping either the person who helped us in a time of need or someone else who needs our help.

It’s like our parents…we can never repay what they have done for us…we can take care of them but the score will never be even. Accept it and instead give back to our children and let the legacy continue.

love,
Laxmi

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Heart October 7, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Great point Aditya…

Love,
Heart

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Daniel October 7, 2009 at 11:17 pm

Well said aditya! Karma is Karma baby.

Laxmi, I agree some scores can never be leveled between people, but my instinct says at a universal level, everything is equal. I just thought of the example of a wildlife carer who looks after injured animals, devoting their life to service. Even if they never bothered to call their mother, or send birthday cards to their father, I don’t think the universe would judge them as negligent in the great scheme of things. They may have similarly distant children in this life or the next..but that’s another story! ;-)

with love, Daniel

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Laxmi October 7, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Ah! That’s a good one. Its like teaching someone to fish instead of giving them a fish!!

love,
Laxmi

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Heart October 7, 2009 at 5:46 pm

Yes, in my experience most people do show gratitude. However, if farmers look up to a landowner, and when they become landowners themselves, they tend to adapt to the same power strategies as they learned. In the same way…if you have very authoritarian parents, when you become a parent yourself one day, you tend to model the same patterns of parenting… Unless you really decide to change the style and work to better conditions…which is why we need WOLs

Love,
Heart

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Daniel October 7, 2009 at 11:26 pm

Yes Candie! Universal justice. I read somewhere that Gandhi refused to press charges against people who beat him because he believed so strongly in Universal Justice. It is sometimes a harsh thought “this is happenening to me so I have either created it, or for some reason I have to experience this” but if you can stop to think that, then peace is just around the corner. It goes beyond saying you “get what you deserve”. It just is.

With love, Daniel

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Yannis October 8, 2009 at 1:26 am

Μια χαρα ειμαι, ευχαριστω…Εσυ;

Την ειδα την απαντηση και οντως το θυμαμαι το προβλημα με τα μηνυματα μας.

Νομιζω το δικο μου τελικα δημοσιευτηκε, με αποτελεσμα να εχω δυο περιπου ομοιες απαντησεις την μια μετα την αλλη…

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aditya October 8, 2009 at 5:10 am

Hi daniel !

there is only one way in which one can stop getting involved in karma, either one’s own or anyone else’s. unless that way is known, not involving oneself consiously is also a form a involvement. we are the instruments of that god / universe, and feeling sorry in sympathtic sense is part of compassion, i feel.

great being in company of such enlightned and enlightening people.

love
aditya

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Savita Vega October 8, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Yes, karma. Well, I try not to think too much about anyone else’s karma, or even my own, for that matter. It’s not that I don’t believe in karma. It’s just that I think the workings of karma are far too complex to be consciously conceived of or rationally calculated by a simple, cause-and-effect formula. In fact, I don’t even think that the words “good” and “bad” really apply in this context. The workings of karma are so infinitely complex that they defy human comprehension. I think that, when we start talking about creating “good” and “bad” karma for ourselves, or attempting to assess the karma of someone else, our comprehension level and terminology is just about as efficient and effective as that of a five-year-old who is attempting to converse about the national economy. All that we can really say with certitude is that karma exists – there is a universal law of cause-and-effect which governs our lives – but the precise workings of that law are far too intricate to be assessed.

So, I try not to think about “karma” at all, mine or anyone else’s. To do so seems rather arrogant to me – assuming that I know when I am “creating good karma” for myself, and patting myself on the back for it. Or, when I have great good fortune, declaring that it must be because I was such a “good person” in my past life. Or, as you say, Daniel, “feeling sorry” for someone else because they have supposedly “bad karma.” Who am I to make these sorts of assessments? All experiences in life, both “negative” and “positive,” the universe provides for our enrichment and continued growth.

So, with all of that in mind, I don’t think about “karma” at all. I just try my best to do what is – in my best judgment – good, and right, and just. And if I make a mistake, I just move on and try not to repeat it. I don’t panic because “Oh my goodness, now I’ve created this ‘bad karma’ for myself, the consequences of which I must later endure.” Such thinking, in itself, I believe – like the guilt entailed in the concept of “sin” – is enormously self-defeating and disempowering. Rather than fostering growth, it actually hinders it. After having committed some mistake, one actually EXPECTS dire consequences to follow as some sort of universal retribution. This, of course, can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Best to leave estimations of karma to the gods and just concentrate on doing the best that one can do, believing in the infinite generosity and compassion of the universe toward all.

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THELMA October 8, 2009 at 8:25 am

Swannie, your comment was not here when I wrote mine!!! At the time I was sleeping… It seems that we have started … exchanging thoughts during … sleep!!! We had the same .. answer for Daniel!!
Paulo Coelho is a …. Magus and a … good teacher!!! Thank YOU, Paulo.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Catherine E.A. October 8, 2009 at 10:27 am

sorry to hear that..
maybe you should listen to BBC world service on the radio..

I grew up listening to this as my parents would have it on in their remote working places…
It’s designed for such listeners… global, isolated…

and so I feel it unites, provides solace, inspires, strengthens…

Failing that… Channel 4 news on UK TV is another good example for me to prove my point ;o))

But you’re in Australia…
so again, maybe try National Geographic… incredibly inspiring writing…

Wishing you luck!

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Satora October 8, 2009 at 11:54 am

Dear Ilva,

“You have nothing in your hands. Any power you have, comes to you from far beyond. Everything is fixed, and you can’t change it.”

From Jesus Christ Superstar rock opera…

Satora

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Satora October 8, 2009 at 12:19 pm

“When you negate that which is not love, then you know what love is.”
J.Krishnamurti

With loving kindness,

Satora

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Alexandra October 8, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Annie… So strict. You will be a severe teacher…Joking.
Well, a bit of diversion, just to avoid boredom. It was an idea…
Now I feel head ache…Hope my period of stress end soon. Please people dear friends, come with more ideas …on the other post.
Thank you
Much love
Alexandra

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Satora October 8, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Dear Annie,

if it isn’t painful..as you say …why in all the world do we still have so much hate, lies, ignorance…?

With loving kindness,

Satora

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THELMA October 8, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Εγώ πάντως χαίρομαι να ..βλέπω τα Ελληνικά μας!! Νάστε καλά!!
Νice to be with …the Greek community of the Blog again!!!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Ankita October 8, 2009 at 3:50 pm

yes i know, that happens.

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Daniel October 8, 2009 at 10:48 pm

Uh huh! And what sells more copies, the Sun or the Guardian? ;-)

I lived on BBC radio when I was in London, and didn’t bother with a TV. There is a world radio service here in Aus which is good, and our ABC which is BBC equivalent. I like radio much more than tv, its easier to tune out from sensationalism.

Also, time magazine and my news feeds from Amnesty and WWF I can handle. Newspapers in general though, to be blunt, suck! :-D

With love, Daniel

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Dances With Crayons October 9, 2009 at 8:42 am

Hi Catherine!

Enjoyed some of the BBC radio broadcasts too while living in Scotland, including news!

Love, Jane : )

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Yannis October 9, 2009 at 1:23 am

Because we say “NO” to our true self…

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THELMA October 9, 2009 at 6:33 am

SwAnnie!!!!!
;-]
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Catherine E.A. October 9, 2009 at 9:46 am

It’s the hammer of justice
It’s the bell of freedom
It’s the song about love between my brothers and my sisters
All over this land

- beautiful words ;o) x

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THELMA October 9, 2009 at 8:03 am

Oh dearest Swannie, never stop saying ‘I love you’; to your parents, to your sister and then to the whole World, because we are ONE.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Heart October 9, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Yes, yes & yes!

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Catherine E.A. October 11, 2009 at 9:25 pm

xx Thankyou Annie ;o) I appreciate your kindness ;o) xxx

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