Telling the Truth is ok. I think we should tell the Truth. But sometimes it hurts. I’m not going to tell someone : “Oh, I hate your dress.” It’s not going to add anything in the Universe and it’s going to make this person very unhappy.
So, in which condition can we lie? I’m counting on your answers.
Thank you,
Paulo
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
first time write a comment on your post mr.coelho..
well here it is…
a white lie is still a lie…
rather take the truth no matter how hurt it is…
in a context of saying white lie as in “you look good in that dress” because you don’t want to hurt his/her feeling..hmm why not rephrase the sentence… say the truth but without hurting her feeling…say “you look good in that dress but i like you better in this dress…” instead of saying ” i hate the dress” and it will costs her feeling..rephrase is way better.. :)
but we have to tell the truth to someone we care and love dearly…for these reasons:
1. if he/she still wearing the dress because she believed we think he/she look good in it..that means we don’t really care for them..because if we really care for someone we would never want something bad happens to them..(that include other people talking behind their back because of their clothing…)
2. they know we love them so much..and there’s isn’t a lie they wouldn’t forgive…
off course this all will need borderline as in what consider lies that can be forgiven and that couldn’t…
sorry for being so bias of me…
Lies hurt and so does truth..
so if both hurt I think I rather stick to the truth…
i aggree w/ u..f both truth and lies hurt then i’d rather tell the truth…at least u’v done something right…
i think its big different between Courtesy and lies …………i think …that lies all the time have side effect ……in any way ……..but ..the example off dress ….its Courtesy not lie …………….thank you
In which condition can we lie? In the human one. We lie to ourselves and to others all the time. Lies are simple and straightforward tools for survival. Identifying truth, be it your own, that of another, or even of the metaphysical kind, is something far more complex and difficult to define.
Sometimes I feel that telling the truth to any lie I feel I must confess, is really not about the other person. It is about me. When is it OK to tell a lie? I think we lie so much everyday that sometimes we don’t even know when we are really telling the truth. “how are you today?”…”oh I feel great!”. Do I? Probably not. I feel terrible but to prevent any further conversation or admit to myself how I really feel and want to say. But when we do lie, I think most of the time we lie not just for ourselves, but the fact that telling the truth will hurt someone else that probably isn’t necessary. When I feel obligate to tell the truth, its because I know that the honest answer, is the best answer, and the other person should know, regardless whether it hurts them or not.
Lies – what people don’t know never hurts them. So, why tell the truth and cause a whole lot of misery? Generally, we only lie when we know the truth will not be accepted by someone. I feel that we all have the reasons for what we do. No one may understand our reasons. Why should they?
Firstly i won’t lie at any cost because my religion Islam prohibits it at all costs. so i would rather keep quiet instead of lieing but if it is must to say then i would rather say the truth in a diplomatic way or in a rather polite way that the other won’t be disgraced! Becausae when at any other time the other person will come to know about our lie i think he will be rather more hurt than he will be at that time when i will tell him something honestly and truthfully.
When you lie, you take away freedom and no one has that right. Kindness takes away the edge and helps the person not take it personally but: If I don’t like their dress, who cares? Who am I to say that my opinion is the one that matters?
Great idea this, it’s all so pretty. happens all the time
Well, sometimes i do tell truth, sometimes i do not, though truth is very much important, but there are instances that i have to consider the consequences that may arrive by telling it. Or i may say that i` always have the second thought of what will it cause, will it make the situation better or worser. So for me,it`s okay to lie sometiems for a good reason, but if the time asked for it, then we have to say it, in a nicer way that it`ll will not hurt people so much..
I am a truth telling person, but truth is something that is questionable, because everybody sees things diffrently. I think that on serious matters, when unfairness is present, people MUST say the truth. How many times don’t people in power get away with lies that lead to problems, just because nobody dears to say nothing? And they can get mad no matter how absurd what they do, or do not care doing, is and how many lives and living conditions they affect.
More important is to learn how to take critisism in a good constructive way, and to be flexible. To hurt someone intentionally or unintentinally is too easy. Someone might get hurt just because you don’t share their ideas or view on things. I can survive if someone else has an ungly dress. I might have to much fat on my belly or I might not have been shopping for the right shoes.
Faucault said: The truth hurts. He was a homosexual also, and he also noticed those things “we never talk about”, like you tried in the Zahir with the discussion about money. It is not just about taboos, it is those thigs that nobody speaks about.
Some say that we should not discuss sensitive stuff, and believe that if you don’t bring it up, it will go away or dissapear, but it doesn’t – and sooner or later people will get neurotic and God knows what form it will take in society.
How could I haven’t seen this post of yours Paulo?!
Anyway. This is the biggest fight we deal with. Every moment, every hour that a day has we have the possibly to lie so much that if we would want to count the times I think that we would get tired, very tired :P. I still keep wondering on the same thing. If we should lie or not.
Of course there are some circumstances when even if we don’t want to lie we can tell the truth but being careful to not hurt.
You gave a simple example with the dress Paulo, with the dress, but in such cases it is easy to find a moderate answer to that person, so we will not hurt him/her and we will save his/her apparence.
But there are other times when you went to save more than his/her appearance, when you want to save somebody’s happiness, or protect someone that you love from others which you love too.
As for me I usually have always tried to take the risk and say the truth even if that would had costed me, and it has always surprised to me the fact that I was always safe. Lucky? Who knows?
But I can’t take the chance for those I love and really know what is the right thing to be done.
And other example that I had in my life it was on someone I loved the most in my life. She was sick and she didn’t knew how much but they lied to her and kept her with the hope of better days. I didn’t knew aether, but when she was gone I found out about the lie and still I don’t know what would have been the right thing on that case. Letting her living on hope the last three months she had or letting her on despair and worry.
she is gone now, but such examples still are there. And I keep wondering…
I don’t worry about the bad consequences I might get by the truth, but how to deal with the ones we love ?
Engraçado que o tema “mentiras” surgiu nesta semana, e nãó só no seu tema semanal ªLiesª, mas também na missa que fui no sábado (24-Oct), e na catequese para adultos, da minha paróquia, no dia 27/Oct.
Segundo o padre, na missa, mentir é negar a verdade a quem direito de saber, e deu o seguinte exemplo:
“Se o Diogo tirar uma nega no teste e o pai lhe perguntar sobre isso, ele não deve mentir e dizer que teve positiva. Porque o pai tem direito de saber a classificação que teve. Porque? Porque o pai tem o dever de proporcionar ao filho tudo o que ele necessita, incluindo disciplina, para que o Diogo, seja um adulto maduro, com valores morais e capacidade de caminhar sozinho, quando a altura chegar.
Mas se o colega ou amigo lhe perguntar a mesma coisa, ele tem o direito de não lhe dizer nada, pois ao amigo ou colega, a verdade não lhes é devida.”
Pergunto: Quem decide O QUÊ é devido a QUEM?
Na catequese para adultos, o tema era as Virtudes Humanas Cardeais: Prudencia, Temperança, Fortaleza e Justiça; e as virtudes teologais: Fé, Esperança e Caridade.
Significa então que Verdade ou a Mentira, não são, em si, virtude/pecado?
Como disse Buda, a verdade é relativa, e depende do sujeito com quem neste momento estamos a lidar.
Conclusão: em cada momento, se formos Prudentes, Temperados, Fortes e Justos, e se tivermos “Fé, Esperança e Caridade” dentro de nós, saberemos QUANDO devemos dizer O QUÊ (verdade ou mentira) a QUEM.
Obrigada por este tema, porque sempre fui apologista da Verdade sobre todas as coisas, e mentiras levavam-me à loucura.
Hoje finalmente entendi, e sinto PAZ.
Obrigada Sr. Paulo Coelho,
Obrigada Padre Xavier,
e
Obrigada a todos os que, sem saberem, me ajudaram a a ver isso tudo.
I lie to create the impression that I am at my dad’s beck and call. I lie to appear not so strong, not too rich. I won’t lie with myself or with God above. My heart teaches me how to be like a child.
Chieko,
You may call me Lainee :-) It is my father’s nickname for me.
I find it interesting that you would bring up the child and how the child forgives so easily. Do you think our God/Goddesss means this when he/she talks about us being like little children? Forgiveness is the key, but it is so hard as we get older, right? We get kicked around by control freaks and liars. I have been there and I have been filled with much anger in my life. The near-death experience really changed this girl. I do not know why I was allowed to come back, but I thank my higher power all the time for this chance. My eyes have been opened as to why we are here on this world — and forgiveness and understanding and loving unconditionally are the keys to illuminating our planet. I realize that it is going to take quite a few of us to, talk about, write about and especially get out and start loving our fellow beings. You talked about being forgiven or forgiving someone and how it made you feel not only on the inside, but also on the outside. :-) This is the feeling that you want to strive to achieve everyday as you go about your day — your spiritual nutrition :-D It can be achieved with practice. I so wish I could be there to teach you… Right now, just follow some of Paulo’s exercises – especially the ones that teach deeply living in the present – and really observing every little thing. As you are going through them, truly thank your higher power with all of your heart for allowing you the opportunity to help your fellow beings grow in brilliance and harmony.
As far as working with the darker souls, when you meet them or pass by them – try to radiate (Pulse) your spiritual love to them. Yes, they will look at you in a weird way at first, but if you are honest and sincere about your love of the soul, you will be okay. The angels will look after you and be on your side. More than likely the darker soul will not talk long with you, but you will have touched him/her with your spiritual light and that light is an attraction – it is a great feeling – that darker soul will want more and will go in search of it and hopefully be touched and lightened.
Chieko, you are not a dark soul. I can feel it in your writing. Keep praying, giving thanks and above all loving everyone with your entire being.
Love and warmth,
Lainee
Lainee,
thanks! i’ll try!
love magic miracles!
chieko
Namaste,
I don’t really know when lies are okay and when they are not. I just know that I have a good reason when I lie… either by withholding my opinion or softening it to the point of confabulation. I never do anything which I cannot justify, if only in my mind at the time of the doing.
I think the point of the commandment isn’t lying so much as hurting others with our lies… false witness. I think lies about a person’s heath are hurtful, for example. Lies that put people in prison are hurtful. Lies that get between lovers are hurtful.
Love to you
I think it’s better don’t tell anything then lie to the person. Be honest is very difficult. But if person can’t lie and tries to lie it looks very stupid and shameful… If person lies very well it sometimes can save this person, but people are becoming very careful with this person…
For me better is to stay honest, i’m trying to do it.
Acho que temos que ser homens e mulheres o suficiente para dizer a verdade ao próximo.
Abraços grandes.
I call this the third way :
1) you can tell the plain truth (even running the risk of hurting someone and therefore spoiling a relationship …..)
2) you can lie and get along with it by being untrue or dishonest (saying “wao you look gorgeous with that dress” and thinking “Gosh, that’s really awful, what a bad taste!”) that’s POLITICS !
3) you can also not tell the truth and say nothing, avoiding the issue if you’re not emotionally envolved, but if you are and if you have good feelings for someone, if you “care” you can find a way to be tactful and gentle, helping and being constructive instead of being distructive … you can say “this dress is nice but I think it doesn’t underline your beauty, It’s not right for your type” and so on …….
How about it ?
Your writing is sensitive and thanks for your advice, elaine.
I feel. Nevertheless, I can’t just ponder. Because they are not true.
Thank you, elaine.
with my warheart
Supia
*they=chur.
Thank you, the owner.
Thank you Supia,
I appreciate your truthfulness. Keep sharing your love and your insights.
Love and warmth,
Lainee
Thank you for your understanding, elaine.
I think we should either stay quiet or tell the truth. Lies never help. But yes sometimes lies are inevitable, and I would rather lie to make someone smile than to tell the truth and make him/her cry.