Telling the Truth is ok. I think we should tell the Truth. But sometimes it hurts. I’m not going to tell someone : “Oh, I hate your dress.” It’s not going to add anything in the Universe and it’s going to make this person very unhappy.
So, in which condition can we lie? I’m counting on your answers.
Thank you,
Paulo
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
i think its big different between Courtesy and lies …………i think …that lies all the time have side effect ……in any way ……..but ..the example off dress ….its Courtesy not lie …………….thank you
In which condition can we lie? In the human one. We lie to ourselves and to others all the time. Lies are simple and straightforward tools for survival. Identifying truth, be it your own, that of another, or even of the metaphysical kind, is something far more complex and difficult to define.
Sometimes I feel that telling the truth to any lie I feel I must confess, is really not about the other person. It is about me. When is it OK to tell a lie? I think we lie so much everyday that sometimes we don’t even know when we are really telling the truth. “how are you today?”…”oh I feel great!”. Do I? Probably not. I feel terrible but to prevent any further conversation or admit to myself how I really feel and want to say. But when we do lie, I think most of the time we lie not just for ourselves, but the fact that telling the truth will hurt someone else that probably isn’t necessary. When I feel obligate to tell the truth, its because I know that the honest answer, is the best answer, and the other person should know, regardless whether it hurts them or not.
Lies – what people don’t know never hurts them. So, why tell the truth and cause a whole lot of misery? Generally, we only lie when we know the truth will not be accepted by someone. I feel that we all have the reasons for what we do. No one may understand our reasons. Why should they?
Firstly i won’t lie at any cost because my religion Islam prohibits it at all costs. so i would rather keep quiet instead of lieing but if it is must to say then i would rather say the truth in a diplomatic way or in a rather polite way that the other won’t be disgraced! Becausae when at any other time the other person will come to know about our lie i think he will be rather more hurt than he will be at that time when i will tell him something honestly and truthfully.
When you lie, you take away freedom and no one has that right. Kindness takes away the edge and helps the person not take it personally but: If I don’t like their dress, who cares? Who am I to say that my opinion is the one that matters?
Great idea this, it’s all so pretty. happens all the time
Well, sometimes i do tell truth, sometimes i do not, though truth is very much important, but there are instances that i have to consider the consequences that may arrive by telling it. Or i may say that i` always have the second thought of what will it cause, will it make the situation better or worser. So for me,it`s okay to lie sometiems for a good reason, but if the time asked for it, then we have to say it, in a nicer way that it`ll will not hurt people so much..
I am a truth telling person, but truth is something that is questionable, because everybody sees things diffrently. I think that on serious matters, when unfairness is present, people MUST say the truth. How many times don’t people in power get away with lies that lead to problems, just because nobody dears to say nothing? And they can get mad no matter how absurd what they do, or do not care doing, is and how many lives and living conditions they affect.
More important is to learn how to take critisism in a good constructive way, and to be flexible. To hurt someone intentionally or unintentinally is too easy. Someone might get hurt just because you don’t share their ideas or view on things. I can survive if someone else has an ungly dress. I might have to much fat on my belly or I might not have been shopping for the right shoes.
Faucault said: The truth hurts. He was a homosexual also, and he also noticed those things “we never talk about”, like you tried in the Zahir with the discussion about money. It is not just about taboos, it is those thigs that nobody speaks about.
Some say that we should not discuss sensitive stuff, and believe that if you don’t bring it up, it will go away or dissapear, but it doesn’t – and sooner or later people will get neurotic and God knows what form it will take in society.
How could I haven’t seen this post of yours Paulo?!
Anyway. This is the biggest fight we deal with. Every moment, every hour that a day has we have the possibly to lie so much that if we would want to count the times I think that we would get tired, very tired :P. I still keep wondering on the same thing. If we should lie or not.
Of course there are some circumstances when even if we don’t want to lie we can tell the truth but being careful to not hurt.
You gave a simple example with the dress Paulo, with the dress, but in such cases it is easy to find a moderate answer to that person, so we will not hurt him/her and we will save his/her apparence.
But there are other times when you went to save more than his/her appearance, when you want to save somebody’s happiness, or protect someone that you love from others which you love too.
As for me I usually have always tried to take the risk and say the truth even if that would had costed me, and it has always surprised to me the fact that I was always safe. Lucky? Who knows?
But I can’t take the chance for those I love and really know what is the right thing to be done.
And other example that I had in my life it was on someone I loved the most in my life. She was sick and she didn’t knew how much but they lied to her and kept her with the hope of better days. I didn’t knew aether, but when she was gone I found out about the lie and still I don’t know what would have been the right thing on that case. Letting her living on hope the last three months she had or letting her on despair and worry.
she is gone now, but such examples still are there. And I keep wondering…
I don’t worry about the bad consequences I might get by the truth, but how to deal with the ones we love ?
Engraçado que o tema “mentiras” surgiu nesta semana, e nãó só no seu tema semanal ªLiesª, mas também na missa que fui no sábado (24-Oct), e na catequese para adultos, da minha paróquia, no dia 27/Oct.
Segundo o padre, na missa, mentir é negar a verdade a quem direito de saber, e deu o seguinte exemplo:
“Se o Diogo tirar uma nega no teste e o pai lhe perguntar sobre isso, ele não deve mentir e dizer que teve positiva. Porque o pai tem direito de saber a classificação que teve. Porque? Porque o pai tem o dever de proporcionar ao filho tudo o que ele necessita, incluindo disciplina, para que o Diogo, seja um adulto maduro, com valores morais e capacidade de caminhar sozinho, quando a altura chegar.
Mas se o colega ou amigo lhe perguntar a mesma coisa, ele tem o direito de não lhe dizer nada, pois ao amigo ou colega, a verdade não lhes é devida.”
Pergunto: Quem decide O QUÊ é devido a QUEM?
Na catequese para adultos, o tema era as Virtudes Humanas Cardeais: Prudencia, Temperança, Fortaleza e Justiça; e as virtudes teologais: Fé, Esperança e Caridade.
Significa então que Verdade ou a Mentira, não são, em si, virtude/pecado?
Como disse Buda, a verdade é relativa, e depende do sujeito com quem neste momento estamos a lidar.
Conclusão: em cada momento, se formos Prudentes, Temperados, Fortes e Justos, e se tivermos “Fé, Esperança e Caridade” dentro de nós, saberemos QUANDO devemos dizer O QUÊ (verdade ou mentira) a QUEM.
Obrigada por este tema, porque sempre fui apologista da Verdade sobre todas as coisas, e mentiras levavam-me à loucura.
Hoje finalmente entendi, e sinto PAZ.
Obrigada Sr. Paulo Coelho,
Obrigada Padre Xavier,
e
Obrigada a todos os que, sem saberem, me ajudaram a a ver isso tudo.
I lie to create the impression that I am at my dad’s beck and call. I lie to appear not so strong, not too rich. I won’t lie with myself or with God above. My heart teaches me how to be like a child.
Chieko,
You may call me Lainee :-) It is my father’s nickname for me.
I find it interesting that you would bring up the child and how the child forgives so easily. Do you think our God/Goddesss means this when he/she talks about us being like little children? Forgiveness is the key, but it is so hard as we get older, right? We get kicked around by control freaks and liars. I have been there and I have been filled with much anger in my life. The near-death experience really changed this girl. I do not know why I was allowed to come back, but I thank my higher power all the time for this chance. My eyes have been opened as to why we are here on this world — and forgiveness and understanding and loving unconditionally are the keys to illuminating our planet. I realize that it is going to take quite a few of us to, talk about, write about and especially get out and start loving our fellow beings. You talked about being forgiven or forgiving someone and how it made you feel not only on the inside, but also on the outside. :-) This is the feeling that you want to strive to achieve everyday as you go about your day — your spiritual nutrition :-D It can be achieved with practice. I so wish I could be there to teach you… Right now, just follow some of Paulo’s exercises – especially the ones that teach deeply living in the present – and really observing every little thing. As you are going through them, truly thank your higher power with all of your heart for allowing you the opportunity to help your fellow beings grow in brilliance and harmony.
As far as working with the darker souls, when you meet them or pass by them – try to radiate (Pulse) your spiritual love to them. Yes, they will look at you in a weird way at first, but if you are honest and sincere about your love of the soul, you will be okay. The angels will look after you and be on your side. More than likely the darker soul will not talk long with you, but you will have touched him/her with your spiritual light and that light is an attraction – it is a great feeling – that darker soul will want more and will go in search of it and hopefully be touched and lightened.
Chieko, you are not a dark soul. I can feel it in your writing. Keep praying, giving thanks and above all loving everyone with your entire being.
Love and warmth,
Lainee
Lainee,
thanks! i’ll try!
love magic miracles!
chieko
Namaste,
I don’t really know when lies are okay and when they are not. I just know that I have a good reason when I lie… either by withholding my opinion or softening it to the point of confabulation. I never do anything which I cannot justify, if only in my mind at the time of the doing.
I think the point of the commandment isn’t lying so much as hurting others with our lies… false witness. I think lies about a person’s heath are hurtful, for example. Lies that put people in prison are hurtful. Lies that get between lovers are hurtful.
Love to you
I think it’s better don’t tell anything then lie to the person. Be honest is very difficult. But if person can’t lie and tries to lie it looks very stupid and shameful… If person lies very well it sometimes can save this person, but people are becoming very careful with this person…
For me better is to stay honest, i’m trying to do it.
Acho que temos que ser homens e mulheres o suficiente para dizer a verdade ao próximo.
Abraços grandes.
I call this the third way :
1) you can tell the plain truth (even running the risk of hurting someone and therefore spoiling a relationship …..)
2) you can lie and get along with it by being untrue or dishonest (saying “wao you look gorgeous with that dress” and thinking “Gosh, that’s really awful, what a bad taste!”) that’s POLITICS !
3) you can also not tell the truth and say nothing, avoiding the issue if you’re not emotionally envolved, but if you are and if you have good feelings for someone, if you “care” you can find a way to be tactful and gentle, helping and being constructive instead of being distructive … you can say “this dress is nice but I think it doesn’t underline your beauty, It’s not right for your type” and so on …….
How about it ?
Your writing is sensitive and thanks for your advice, elaine.
I feel. Nevertheless, I can’t just ponder. Because they are not true.
Thank you, elaine.
with my warheart
Supia
*they=chur.
Thank you, the owner.
Thank you Supia,
I appreciate your truthfulness. Keep sharing your love and your insights.
Love and warmth,
Lainee
Thank you for your understanding, elaine.
I think we should either stay quiet or tell the truth. Lies never help. But yes sometimes lies are inevitable, and I would rather lie to make someone smile than to tell the truth and make him/her cry.
I think we can still be hones, but we can modify the truth a little in order not to hurt the other person’s feelings. The best way is to turn the question into an answer… If the woman wearing the dress ask you “how you like the dress”? Then just ask her right back “why you don’t like this dress”? Perhaps is not the dress, but is just a reassurance that the woman needs to be worshiped… and yes, it is fine to say a little white lie when it is nothing important. However, if there is a serious issue involved I think is better to know the truth and speak the truth because on the end the truth comes out anyway. The difference between the white and black lies depends on our moral conscience:)
Those are just my thoughts… Thank you.
Alexandra
Lying is an important issue for kids and parents, understanding that it can be part of normal development (and then when it must be confronted to help teach being an authentic member of the group). For more on this: http://tiny.cc/UIvGD.
Namaste
The topic made me come in mind the following saying” Errare humanum est sed perseverare diabolicum”.If the lie is not a habit , is small and does not repeat I think can be forgiven.
Slander is something that I do not like to hear from people whom I love. There are useful and harmful lies, but in many cases handed down for their own benefit and inferiority complexes which we have not yet recovered. Sometimes we lie, in order not to affect other … those who can not tolerate the truth. If someone lied about how he is good, smart and rich … does not lie so much to me personally because it is a demonstration of man, that would have taken another and talking more abaut his ego. The first is to be distinguished from the secret lies … all we have. Probably the guy who slept in the mistress … home told his wife everything else but the truth … Largely because of fear or panic that he would be left alone, but may be the reason for this that his wife can brought over to the house and other things and his value would not be the same.
I prefer the truth but from my experiance I cud tell that this can realy bring you down. Looks like those which telling lies are more happy but I think that some of them somewhere deep inside feel the pain abaut how this is wrong.
Have a beautiful day/night
Touchlasee V.M.
I think our own moralistic ideals set our bases for lying, if there’s such a thing. I think that society has demanded of us, “a certain form of lying” so as to survive. The notion to believe and accept something in exchange of something “greater”. The “idea of peace”.
I think we lie because we are afraid – afraid of the truth, of what we don’t know.. afraid of faith, to trust. It is fear that often prevents us to do something, OR, often makes us do something for the wrong reasons.
I am not perfect nor will I say I never lied in my entire life but I would rather, live truly and be honest, than live in a lie.
I still pray I’d be able to do so completely.
sorry, i wanted to write that I have learned so much from you. and i’d still like to thank you, so thank you. : )
i think telling someone it has a ugly/beautiful thing isn’t telling the truth nor lying, it’s telling someone what you think of it. it’s only your opinion and i often share my opinions but never try to force them. so theres the diffrence. and i really try to make people laugh instead to make them sad, so i say nice things more often. i think lying is never excuseable, but i know i do it sometimes myself. but i try not to. sometimes it’s for getting out of minor trouble or for people not to get confused. lies are never necessery, we always have the freedom of truth, but sometimes we chose to lie. and it’s not my place to say that they do wrong and they should be punished, because what goes around comes around. im glad i learned all of this when i was young.
Paulo, i secretly belive that you read this and maybe even agree. You have learned so much from you, even if you don’t know it. Your a person like any other, but the secret of you is that you know how to live fully. I belive that one day i will know it all myself. Im thanking god that i found your books and this blog. I wish i could sometimes talk to you or just be able to have a little chat. I belive that maybe i can.
With love, to all
Keidi.
Ilus postitus. Aitäh Sulle.
Sometimes its best to remain silent and keep your thoughts to yourself. However, if someone else is persistent in getting the information out of you, you can always tell a white lie =/ Especially since you would prefer to keep that information to yourself.
tell me folks,
is keeping a secreat
like lying?
Whatever we do we shall do it because we FEEL it’s the right thing to do.
Very smart question, fantastic Catherine,
Our hearts have the answers.
There should be another theme for ‘THIS WEEK’ tomorrow, hope you get to read ‘me’.
Den Rod, If our hearts have the answers do you think we can only fall victim to a lie if we collaborate with the liar? Is it possible to be so open to the universe that all lies become transparent?
I would be interested to know if anyone has ever been lied to and felt they knew all along, but listened to the lie because they wanted to avoid the truth as much as the person telling lies did. I think I’ve been in this situation. There is a certain truth to the saying “like attracts like” I think. There are many ways to avoid the truth.
With love, Daniel
Hmm, no keeping a secret is not a lie. You have information that you choose not to share with anyone, and that is entirely your call.
You made me think, Catherine.
I ask You: when is NOT sharing information with others ok?
~*~*~*~
Lying is simply not telling the truth.
Secret unrevealed is keeping information to oneself.
If a secret is unrevealed because it’s purpose is to protect a lie, I guess then we can call it lying. Because the lie was not revealed and therefore truth was ‘hidden’. (On which level, too: A national secret, a historical secret, an universal secret, a personal secret…)
On another hand: keeping information that has nothing to do with a lie (as in personal experience/perception that a person has trusted us with, or we are trusting only certain people with or such) is definitely not lying. I would categorize it as personal privacy. And every person has a right for it. I don’t think we tell everything of our life to anyone. We pick certain people to talk with.
I think holding secrets with vital information and lying are similar in a way. Holding back the truth.
~*~*~*~
Den Rod said it nicely: Our hearts have the answers.
If we know how to listen to our hearts, then everything is ok.
Love,
Liina
I think sometimes white lies are sometimes needed – but in every lie there is some truth :) – check out my post on Lies:
http://alefspies.blogspot.com/2009/10/lie-to-me.html
Cheers
Once Baron Münchhausen travelled to the Moon and I welcomed him there.
BARON – baro meaning (free) “man”, (free) “warrior”
Of course, if YOUR “truth” gives you freedom, you may tell the “truth”! :)
Much Love,
Baroness Asote
P.S. Did you know that a woman on her moon is extremely sensitive? :))
Asote my dear..
you forgot to mention that you were not alone on the Moon… to welcome him….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz56r4fOXHQ
But then “All Cretan are Liars” …the liar paradox
Filakia,
Satora
Necesitamos mentir. Desde pequños nos enseñan a mentir, a fingir. Vivimos en lo que podríamos llamar un “teatro”. No hay dinero sin mentiras, no hay alegrías sin mentiras, no hay derrotas sin mentiras, NO HAY PERSONAS SIN MENTIRAS… el mundo nos obliga a no decir siempre la verdad. La vida es una falsa educación, que nos acaba convirtiendo en pequeños ignorantes que no son capaces de saber si lo que viven es una verdad o una mentira. El mundo ha traído las mentiras a nuestras vidas y nadie es capaz de rechazar algo que pasa tan desapercibido.
si pero ,se ha olvida una cosa… la intuicion nunca lie!
I believe you better keep it silent as much as you can. words brings just more confusion, when you put your thoughts into words it is already being manipulated by your mind and your believe system, so better try to avoid any kind of comment or judgement and act like a tree and just observe, if you become an observer then you don’t need to lie anymore, but that’s hard when you live in a society and everyday you have to reply back to people that ” I am fine” that’s a lie, are you really fine every single day?
Hello
Sometimes we’re lying ourself even may be we don’t know , I don’t understand so to live is very difficult ,and believe in Santa Claus for children isn’t a lie ,it’s a hope and if we hope we can be alive? I don’t care these kinds of lying but politicals men are often lying and the most important thing is that people believe them!
A day , if I ‘ll still alive and better than today I’ll go to Compostelle ,I want it’s true! Have a good day!
I wondered… Why do we lie?
Do we lie because we think the other person can’t handle the truth
or do we lie because we can’t handle the truth, the situation
or even because we find it difficult to be true to ourselves…
And when we get hurt by someone else’s lie, can we find it in
ourselves to put aside the feeling of hurt for a sec, to take a
look at the lie that hurted us… because there being a big
difference between a malicious lie and a lie told by someone out
of fear or insecurity…
Lots of love,
Vicky
@Zahid Kahn
Have you ever thought of the pain lies cause when people find out that all you have been telling them is actually no more than … a lie, and that they have to realise that inspite the trust they had in you has never given them a true reaction from your heart? Have you ever thought about how that makes you feel?
The point with lies is, in the end the truth will come out anyway and the lies talk about then turn into bad memories of stolen trust.
I totally agree!… ;)
we should always say the truth even if it hurts, we can always say it in a nice way to make the situation light. and i think, there is always a right time to say the truth.
Dear Jela,
I agree with you. People around me prefer to talk the truth to me. But I know, when they keep silent they don’t want to hurt me.
I accept whatever their opinions about me.
Thank you..
Widuri
I really hate to lie and even though sometimes I do, I feel terrible afterward. What I would do most of the time is say nothing at all as long as it doesn’t hurt me in the end.
Hi,
Before I speak I want to know what I truly feel, mainly by checking with my bodily sensations, and once I know my truth I have to decide whether to say it or not. Part of that decision is somehow detecting whether the other wants to hear the truth or is capable of receiving the truth or not. If a woman asks if I like her dress and I think she wants an honest response then I will give it. If not, I will hold on to it, but still acknowledge my true feeling about it. If I deny the validity of my feelings then I am not showing self-respect.
Not that I find the truth easy. In fact, I am only just begginning my own inner journey of accepting the truth of my own feelings – and I mean feelings not thoughts! There are times, particularly in intimate relationships, when I know that my truth is not what the other want to hear. Sometimes the decision about whether to speak or not keeps me awake at night. Always behind this is the fear of hurting the other and the shame that I will inevitably feel. But isn’t holding back my truth in important matters, like how I feel about the other, a form of deceit? Doesn’t the other have a responsibility with regard to how he or she reacts to an honest comment by me? How responsible am I for another person’s feelings?
Our conscience uses our feelings to consult our intentions …
brayley
When you say you mean feelings not thoughts you make a very important distinction. One that I have pondered for a long time. Finally I decided that a pure feeling, which is directly experienced in the body, is indeed different to thought, which is able to reflect on such feeling experience. But as soon as it does, the thought modifies and changes that experience, so the feeling associated with the experience likewise changes. I tend to call this modified feeling an emotion. Very simply, thought plus feeling equals emotion. The initial feeling is often of very short duration, and indeed may only continue so long as thought, which is so strongly controlled by our past experience, does not intervene. The resulting emotion, especially if continually modified and enlarged by thought, may then become very intense, and may be very positive or very negative.
Which brings me to your final question. also very important. You are indeed responsible for another’s feeling, for you have triggered it with your energy. But only they are responsible for their emotion, for it is mainly built with their own thoughts.
When people talk about acting from their heart, are they talking about feelings or emotions? Or neither?
These ideas have helped me considerably in my life. I hope they may help you.
Hello..
I think, no matter what the situation we can’t lie. If the dress looks bad, we should tell the truth but in different words, like “You should wear the other dress because it doesn’t match with you.”
Because, if we lie to make them happy, it same with we let them looked bad to the other. Maybe the other people have the same opinion with us (his/her dress looks bad). So, we should give the best opinion to make them dressed better. I think it’s all.. Thank you and GBU :)
J’ai donne une reference a quelqu’un que j’avais copie et maintenant je sais la raison pour laquelle je l’ai fait.
Hello all of you,
In critical conditions we can’t lie, but in some conditions like motivating a person for doing good thing or like the dress as you said we can lie and this called the white lie.
In only one condition,
God bless you all…. thanks Paulo
Well, Paulo,
Let´s get honest..
In my opinion the most common ¨lie¨is to tell a half of true..omitting part of the true you have to say.
There are 2 motives (in this order):
1. to protect ourselves – for not having to explain something that we can´t (why we made the mistake, why i took that decision etc.); for not leaving a bad impression; not suffering ourselves; etc etc
2. To protect the other
I thinki we basically teached a stupidity – the truth will set you free! It´s a nonsense..Everybody has his own truth! Everybody feels the reality different; everybody has a lot of sinapsis in their brain for each decision they make and I´m pretty sure that the connections between sinapsis don´t follow the same path..
So from here the cuestion..does truth and lie exists like oponents because human race it´s not confortoble in saing ¨the other truth¨?
In my opinion ..the only truth is what you feel..it´s not the brain, it´s not the heart..there´s not a chakra or the ego that make´s you feel..it´s something beyond our understanding…
Thanks for the space..I needed a blog like that where people think of other than morgage, music, …where my thoughts can fly ¨como el rio que fluye¨…
Intuition.
Do you think from where the feeling come, Monica?
Not head. Not heart.
The saying that says “honesty is the best policy” holds true for me at all times. Because in the long run telling lies only brings complication.
Keep life simple. No explanations and no justifications.
Hi Paulo and all,
Notwithstanding all the arguments about being honest and having the courage to speak truth, I truly believe that in certain circumstances one must lie or delete certain information then simply speak the blatant truth: to make someone feel better about himself (obese, ugly, impaired people etc who couldn’t possibly help it), to not to hurt someone, to avoid a potential fight between two disputing parties and so on and so forth. The important thing is that there do exist numerous ocurring in our daily lives where, I believe, it’s rather our moral obligation to LIE.
Regards,
Zahid Khan
And my thought du jour:
Isn’t it interesting that, once the human body has reached full maturity, two body parts continue to grow until the day we die: The nose, and the ears. : )
Much LOVE to All, Jane : ) xo
lol..
that’s interesting.. and amusing ;o)
so Big Ears and a Pinnochio nose … here we all come!!
Hello Paulo,
I am new to your blog and I think it’s amazing! I bought all your books and I’m never the same person after reading each of your book because I can see myself in it, and somehow give some meaning to all unanswered questions I have though I never really get the true answer. I can write pages on emotions and enlightment your books provoke, but I think it’s not the aim of this blog.
To come back to your subject on ‘Lies’, I will say that very often the truth hurts and we are not prepared to face it. Sometimes people lie to themselves just to conceal the truth and be positive about something negative that just happened. How many times did I hear this phrase in my workplace: ” it is a blessing in disguise that the new manager left, the one replacing him is much better !’ just to find out afterwards that we it was a huge mistake! or “it might be a good thing I lost your job, I will probably get a much better job soon! everything happen for a reason !’ or ” my boyfriend just left me, but someone much better is waiting for me!’. Well, it’s a good thing to be positive in life and blessing in disguise does happen, but most often it is not the case. But I think that very often people don’t realize they are lying to themselves by expecting too much and hoping for the best to happen.
I think if this can help people go through a difficult time and allow them to escape the present by hoping for the best to come in a near future and which eventually attracting positive waves and turns out to be good, then it is worthwhile to lie to yourself.
Love,
Clotilde
Una mentira puede ser piadosa/una verdad puede ser cruel.
¿Qué pasaría si leyéramos el pensamiento de los otros? supongo que la mentira no tendría lugar, sería inutil, todo sería transparente. Me encantaría que por un momento imaginárais un mundo así y vosotros formando parte de el. ¿Cómo os comportaríais?.
Cerrar los ojos e imaginar.
Came back to read more and catch up, thank you again. Lots of food for thought here!
It is a beautiful thing, to have the freedom to make choices, to be ourselves and share our own truth.
Thinking about two of my favorite books of all time. These books were the most gut-wretching, but provoked thought and provided clarity. These authors, along with Paulo, are heros, to me.
All But My Life, by Gerda Weissman Klein
Prisoner Without A Name, Cell Without A Number, by Jacobo Timmerman
(*not sure if Jacobo’s book is still in print…read it over 30 years ago)
Would I put my own life on the line to choose to take in, conceal the whereabouts, and lie to authorities in order protect a friend or a family from unjust persecution? Would any of my friends in this same situation, lie for me?
This is why it is important to listen to my own heart, because when I listen, it tells me of the greater good; I like the person I am becoming, and can sleep better at night. Because at the end of every day, must live with myself and each decision made that day.
Thank you, Much Love to ALL, Jane : ) xo
What you wrote about reminds me of an incident in my life, where my life was in danger and I was amazed at how I could lie with such ease. I pulled up to park my car and was getting out, I had got my key stuck in the lock at the place I had visited before, coincidentally had a spare key with me, which I used to drive with and had put it in my purse, when a man came out of nowhere and shoved me back in my car, told me not to make a sound and give him the keys. I told him the key was stuck in the door, sure enough, he rolled down the window, I continued to make up stories as to why I was there, I was so calm. I couldn’t believe how easily I lied, lying doesn’t come easy to me, it’s easier just to say nothing. Usually if I don’t want to tell the truth, like just yesterday, in order not to hurt someone’s feelings, I stumble and try to find a way out. There are those who seem to be able to lie all the time, you have to really know them, in order to recognize their subtle hints, lies just roll right off their tongues, somewhat like it did when my life was in danger. So that begs me to question, do those who seem to lie with regularity and ease, feel somewhere inside that the life they’ve established is threatened all the time? Thank-you Jane for bringing out that insight, with your comment. I woke up this morning and was wondering why a sister and I have such conflict, now I realize that her life is based on a fragile sense of self, that you’d never know, so lies, help her maintain that self. So do those who lie feel their life is in danger?
it’s following the law of the jungle as simple as that.
Hello,
I consider myself a really honest person, who practicaly never lies, you see, it’s just because I believe that the same truth may be said in different ways and may have a different effect.
You don’t want to tell someone ”I hate your dress” because you think it won’t add anything to the Universe, but if that someone asks your opinion about the dress, then it has to be ”opinion”, not a lie and that ”opinion” actually adds something to the Universe, because that person will trust your word, maybe she will change her dress style next time or maybe she will just need another opinion and as I think, if a man has courage to comment badly about girls/womans outfit he will have enough courage to speak up about different things as well…
And by the way, you don’t always have to agree with different opinions, you may just listen to them.
Kind regards
I think it is important to be honest with ‘ourself’ asking ‘myself’ what do I want for my life now ? or what do I need at this time ? At times knowing what do I need to say to another person ..what do I want from them…being honest with oneself ,and really listening for the prompts that are so deeply hidden with layers of fear and allowing our hidden dreams to emerge.
Love Breda : )
Dear Paulo and all,
In only one condition,
When nobody gets affected by it. :)
God bless you all !
Is that ever possible? It already affects the one who tells it…
PS! Haven’t seen Your posts in a while. :)
Love,
Liina
Liina,
Yes that is possible…if a person who tells it can also realize about what he echoes will not hurt either him or somebody around him. :)
Well, that is true that I have not been so much active with Paulo’s blog for a while… but will come back every now and then to read all of your great insights !
God bless you all !
Hello Everyone,
I think every person should be honest about everything
honesty takes courage…. it is not nessesary to lie in any
situation. It takes courage to be honest. If someone is not honest within themselves how can they be satisfied with the person they are
then…
I think honesty should be ‘preached’ … like in the the court situations, the first thing that a person is asked is whether he/she is telling the truth and nothign but the truth, “so help you God”…but we all know that there are loopholes in the system…
INTEGRITY is something that we should all work hard to have…
It’s never ok to lie but unfortunately we do it all the time, unconciously( whether it’s big or small or white…ect) but as human being we tend to lie mainly to either make the opposit feel better or simpley to hide a truth that might be in a way harmful or unpleasant to them ( as you know many people have a problem proccessing other’s opinions).
Personaly, i think i would lie in many conditions…to protect someone or to protect my feelins or to avoid problems…i mean surely there must be some kind of pressure( regardless how strong that pressure is) that would push me not to tell the truth, it’s not always simple to be honest.
lies are part of the truth. true lies are the most painless in my opinion and must be said in order not to hurt people, feelings or situations. it’s very arrogant to use (in the name of sincerity!!)the truth “raw” when it is 100% expected that might hurt. in the name of the love, lies must be said..
I wish there would be no lies. There is a difference in being elegant with people and respecting one anothers fashion habits. to respect a lie or a lier is impoosible, it means desrespecting your own feeling of what is right and hat is wrong.
to confront a lier with the lies he or she tells, is terrible and painful, but all in all much better than not saying anything about it.
people who lie, lie to them selves in the first place. if you do not tell them, who will?
i totally agree!.. ;)
I don’t think it’s necessary to lie, nor is it appropriate under any condition. I experienced first hand the devestating effects of my lies destroying my family, and a wide circle of friends who care deeply for me. And working to gain their trust again is my main focus just now, it is both physically and mentally draining. One lie leads to another, and another. If people ask you a question it’s because they want/expect an honest answer. Going with the clothes example, simply respond – “It’s not my taste, but if it pleases you, then wear it.” Nothing malicious or upsetting, just an honest opinion! If you can lie to other people, you can just as easily lie to yourself, which is a dangerous game! A path I would never choose to go down again.
Michael, thanks for sharing your experience…It is really important to acknowledge the ‘wrong’ things that we did rather than create more lies to “save” reputation or lives as some think lying saves lives…
We have to understand our weaknesses and own them because surprisingly, our weaknesses can also be our strengths in difficult situations..Our intetions will restore other people’s trust and respect for us… If we are truly honest or striving to live honestly, we don’t need to keep saying, “trust me, i would never lie”… those who say that can not 100% be trusted…
Everyone has his own truth. If you don’t like the dress, that is your truth, and her truth is that she likes the dress. So no point in lying to one another. (And if we’re talking about a dress, maybe you don’t like the dress itself, but it looks really good on her.)
We always have to tell the truth. Lying prevents misunderstanding ,in some cases, but still telling the truth is the best way to deal with any situation. I believe if people realize this and practice it in their daily lives, the world will not be as complicated as it is.
Simple issues become complex because of not telling the truth.
That’s why I believe that we all should try to tell the truth 100% of the time. :)
I totally agree… But i am also not naive to think that people don’t tell me lies..but I must trust that most people are truthful and hope to only come in the presence of these who will be truth ful with me as i am with them… ;)
in what condition we should lie…
in the condition when telling the truth doesn’t do any good thing in the end.
for example…
1. When my friend dresses badly but he/she still looks normal. It’s only a matter of my taste and it’s just selfish to make him/her hassle about his/her dress just to please my eyes.
2. When my boyfriend’s friend is hitting on me but he doesn’t push me or hurt me. If he respects me saying no, it won’t be necessary to jeopardize their friendship.
3. When I continue my writing project in the office (while there’s no office work to be done) and my boss asks me what I’m doing, it’s not worth it to tell the truth as he/she will feel uncomfortable me (his/her subordinate) doing something else in the office. I can continue my private project without leaving my duty.
Well those are examples I can think of right now, I might add more examples in the future.
‘Oh what a tangled web we weave , when first we practice to deceive.’I write this because I think once we start telling lies we get caught up in more and more lies until we are trapped. I cant tell lies and I hate people telling me lies. Even Paulo if you didnt like my dress .I would prefer you tell me…Maybe the colour is wrong and it would be better to tell the truth ..:)) Everything out in the open…thats me…I prefer knowing truth then I can deal with situation however trivial ..however serious.
Love to you Paulo and enjoy the weekend…xx
I just remembered something from my teenage TV-watching days ;-)
Captain Kirk said:
“I am a liar! Everything I say is a lie!” … and the computer trying to dominate the universe just dies from a nervous breakdown while searching for the meaning of this…
How philosophical ;-D
Science says that it is a very important step in child developement to learn how to lie. Seems to be a quite difficult step to learn how to use this ability properly…
… and I guess many adults do not really help, as they tend to discuss the bad behavior and not the idea of a lie… (see quote of the day) even if the child asks “why” – which says “I like to understand the idea of a lie…”
brilliant..
can’t beat Star Trek ;o)
HI bernd
yes this one is one of the oldest known logical paradox, whether a person is telling the truth or a lie when he says ” i always lie” thanks to u my childhood memories too got triggerd !
as with any ability like say nuclear science, or physical strength, the intention gives it the ….
love
aditya
Dear Aditya,
I watched Slumdog Millionare yesterday and was thinking of you of course. The main character knew all the right answers, and the police tortured him to get him to admit he was lying/cheating.
Love,
heart
Hi heart !
tochwood ! and some herculean effort by my father to get himslef educated ( he belenged to a average indian rural family, with not much loand holding, and to top it he lost his mom when he was 2, lost his dad when he was 7 ), we did not need to stay in slum, but surely i will like to be a millionire. so that i can devote all my time to ‘inetractions’
i too watched the movie and thought it desreved all teh praise it has received, though i feel that torturing small children for begging is not as rampant as it was made out to be in the movie.
sometimes i wonder how u’r take on human values chnage drastically when u are facing acute poverty and threat to lfe !
love
aditya
Anyone thought about looking at noetic science to see what research they have done into the energies put out by a being when he/she tells a lie or the truth? I am thinking that there would definitely be differences.
love and warmth,
Lainee
dear Elaine,
i did look up noetic research but i was just able to see the front page…(i am kind of low-tech and i did not know how to go into the other places…)
but i watched the tv program before that you can really see the differences of the honest brain and lier brain. (but i guess science and technology are not so perfect so you cannot really tell the truth…) but i do know too much lie is not good for you. do you know madoff? i was reading the article on him and it said a little before he brought himself to authority, he experienced horrible pain in his back. he said it was so painful that he had to lie down on the floor in his office. so i guess art of lie does something mysterious?
for me whenever i lie to myself, i get physical symptoms such as a fever, unceasing cough, and when it is worse, i start to vomit everyday. so i really cannot lie to myself:(
thanks for reading.
love
Chieko,
Have been reading about “Forgivness…” In three hours I am teaching a Sunday lesson to a class. I have been thinking about this topic of the liar. I have been thinking about the effect of it on all involved — the teller — the receiver — the friends and families of both. The best way to handle telling a lie or being told a lie is to be AWARE of it and try to remediate it as fast as possible by being understanding with the person/s involved and above all FORGIVE them and oneself.
Here is a quote by Sogyal Rinpoche that I think helps us understand the urgency of forgiveness ….
“All religions stress the power of forgiveness, and this power is never more deeply felt than when someone is dying.
Through forgiving and being forgiven, we purify ourselves of the darkness of what we have done, and prepare ourselves most completely for the journey through death.”
Knowing some of what is waiting for us on the other side, I would like to gain as much soul light as possible to be of some help with the darker souls here in this world and on the other side when arriving there.
Something to ponder :-)
Love and warmth,
Lainee
dear Lainee, (is it your nickname? can i call it?)
it is very interesting to think that way. the teller, the receiver, and and those around them. you mean there are some times when we are destined to tell a lie, right? with or without choice. and you say that the best way to receive it is to forgive whatever it appear to be in the first place….i agree but very difficult to do…
but on the other hand, i know the power of forgiveness. i really do. i think everyone probably knows it too. ( i was very good at forgiving someone when i was very little. it was like my gift. but now i sometimes find it difficult).
whenever i felt i have forgiven someone completely, i feel like i am empowered by something. i can physically feel i have grown a bit. like i feel i become taller or bigger. also i feel my heart become lighter and whiter and a bit broader. i feel like i swallowed the whole thing and it became my nutrition. you feel the same way, right? i was wondering if that affects my physical being too…
but i am not so sure about dealing with darker ones. yes, i have to admit i do not know how to deal with them. i am not saying i am made up with only light. i have darker and weaker side and precisely because of that i cannot really be useful…
well, simply i can pray then…right?
i will try and at least i try not to give up…
thanks for reading:)
love + blessings!
chieko
Hi lainee
I don’t know what reserch has been carried out, but most certainly when one is lying, one’e energy field is not same as when one is telling teh truth, even body language gives out this fact.
e.g. a sure give away that a person is lying is if that person touches one’s nose or adjusts his spes etc ( brings forward his hand in between himself and whoever he may be lying to ), but then again this can not be taken as ‘law’, the person may be suffering from cold or some such thing, but normally this gives an indication. when one lies for self gain, one sort of shrinks !
love
aditya
Lainee,
forgiving thing reminded me of a ballet.
i am not so familiar with classical literatures but i like swan lake.
there is a scene that the prince promises his love to Odette. but unfortunately the promise is broken. and there are two versions that Odette reacts. one is she simply forgive for what he did. the other is she knew that he would betray her from the beginning and still she let him go and let him dance with Odile and still tries to protect him from Rothbart. well, i like the other one but emotionally complicating!
thanks for reading.
love
chieko
We don’t need to say something if we don’t like it because someone else maybe like it the way it is. But to avoid negative vibration we could answer (about ugly dress) it’s suits nice to you :)) In general we lie every day! Most of the time we are not feeling good but we answer “yes I’m ok” because nobody like to listen our “not good” – so that daily lies are somehow “our safemode” behavior. Animals can’t talk because they don’t need to lie – they act so straightforward and primitive instead to talk with false words!
I think such conditions can only be defined by the person in question as there is nothing like a universally accepted way to do things.
Throughout my life, the lies I have told myself have been, by far, the worst.
Yes, I agree with this.
They also tend to be the ones that have the greatest impact on other people.
Pienso que no existe la mentira blanca, la mentira es la mentira y no hay vuelta de hoja, pero hay ciertas mentiras pequeñas que nos pueden causar mucho daño, muchas veces las decimos no solo por no querer hacer daño sino para mejorar algo que esta mal, lo malo con ellas es que al decirlas, tenemos que decir una más y una más, hasta que terminamos creyéndolas o olvidandolas, y al final perdemos la razón de porque las dijimos arriesgándonos a demás a caer en contradicciones lo que nos lleva ante los demás a empeorar una situación, y lo que es peor lo que quisimos arreglar solo empeoro.
Se habla que a veces hay que mentir para no hacer daño, pero ¿no es peor? que pasa cuando se descubre, ¿como nos hace sentir?, la mayoría de las veces traicionados y de nada sirvió mentir.
La verdad es que nadie se salva de mentir, solo que unos lo hacen a mayor escala que otros, y las intenciones son diversas, pienso que se debe ser muy cuidadoso al hacerlo y tomarlas de quien vienen.
Well. I already said that lies can be very harmful, and I dont like to lie or liars. But lets see the other side of the coin. Maybe liars shoulsd stop to lie, if people would not expect too many things from them, or if they knew that they find understanding and forgivness. I mean some people with too high expextations maybe push others towards lying…In a certain way.
;o)
yes, maybe liars are just over-optimists …
they are idealists living in an unrelenting realistic universe.
;o))
so Liars can be very good storytellers..;o) ? weaving another parallel world?
I cant stop smiling. gOOD POINT, aNNIE. tHANKS
YEP – possibly so!!
;o)) x
[or rather, bad story-tellers? im not sure?!!]
Annaki,
not all good storytellers are liars…
ena paramithi…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmOg3ZjRrpA
filakia polla,
Satoraki
Perhaps they are persons who manipulate the others? ;-)
MIGHT BE. MUCH LOVE
Dear Paulo,
I’ve been told that if you must lie tell half truth and half lie and you must believe it. taking the example you give, that you cant say to somebody that you don’t like her dress, wee can use a beet diplomacy telling her that she looks great which the person perhaps deserved and make a little comment about the dress that the color doesn’t make her shine enough or the dress make her hide and not show the truth her. Wat I am saying is that the truth and lie is not really mathematics, is if you feel that you must lie do it good, if you want to tell the truth, but without hurting chose the words and make that person focus in what you saying not in what feels by saying it.
After all is a game of words the lie and truth is not what wee saying is what wee feel, how wee feel saying lies and how wee make others feel by telling them lies.
thank you elaine and aditya for kind reply:)
yes, it was definitely a lesson learnt.
‘how can i give honest opinions without being a lier?’
good question.
well, i think whenever i try to give honest opinions, which might hurt, i use humorous tone. or any sort of tones that would be appropriate for the situation. that way, i can say what i’d like say without hurting so much. i think most people here would do the same kind of thing. it is all about tonally…
about art work, everything you say or make should be come from your integrity, which mb says all the time. i think it is true.
i just watched an interesting interview on tv a few days ago. she is a japanese musical performer. like any other performer, she is hard working. and whenever she got a part, she would go and see the musical to learn how previous performer were doing. she was very good at taking the essence and combining with her own character. and she really was a good performer. but when she got the main part of aida, she had to change the way she used to. first, she asked the original staffs on broadway in new york city if she could come and study the character and to her surprise they said no. saying she had to build the character on her own form zero. she took it as a challenge and put her mind into it. she told that it was the hardest in her life. but she did not give up. she studied all personalities she had and started to build the character of aida. and for me, it was particularly interesting to hear that as she put her mind and body into the character, struggling, she came to see the light in the distance. and finally she was able to make her own aida by herself. her aida was so good that staffs on broadway praised her saying the greatest aida ever. i think it is so amazing.
well, i guess i have to follow her example…
anyway, thanks for reading…it is kind of long…sorry
love
Chieko,
One of the greatest things about being an actor/actress is that you get to step into the skins of another person. I have learned so many things about how to handle my own problems and the problems of others through this process.
Right now my high school theatre “kids” and I are working on a full production of “Othello.” We just finished doing a small ensemble scene from the play for a competition and my “kids begged me to let us do the whole thing. I figured, hey, why not… what a great learning experience for all.
Speaking of liars, look at Iago–definitely one of the greatest liars ever written. At first our actor playing him, portrayed him as a mean hearted, stereotypical villian. I took a few moments to converse with him. I asked him “At the end of Act I, who is Iago talking to? Why is he uttering these words?”
I was so pleased when, with a little prompting, this sixteen-year old –in the skin of Iago — was able to come up with … “I am talking to three. The audience, God, and myself. I am trying to REASON with all three to convince them and myself that because of what was dealt to me — loss of promotion, loss of position, and supposed loss of a wife’s fidelity, it is okay for me to lie, cheat, and play malicious games to get what is rightly mine, right?” He said the final right with a smile… he was starting to get it. Now when he talks to “the three,” his reasonings are starting to be deeply felt by us.
I went on and asked him, my student, what he personally thought about reasoning with God like that. He pondered and then said, “Wow, that helps me to understand how we can become used to using deception to get what we want…it can become a habit…and the REASONING makes it okay. I hope I can avoid it. At least I’ll be aware of it now.”
Love and warmth,
Lainee
Elaine,
i have never read Shakespeare before (because i was timid ) but i will definitely read othello!
thanks for the insight!
much love
chieko
If you want to, rent or get the movie version of OTHELLO with Kenneth Branagh and Lawrence Fishburne. It is a great performance by all and is quite easy to understand.
The Holy Bible is not just for churches but for the whole of human’s soul and spirit.
There is an exact order toward paradise mentioned in the Holy Bible.
In contrast with known, the Holy Bible is a God’s book.
The Holy Bible is not a book for studying. The book is God’s book but book itself has no the Life because the only Life exists in you.
When a giant power awake in human, human will know the meaning of Bible.
To arrive at Life and Truth, human must go toward not visible wide way in outer world but invisible heart’s world.
To awake heart, you always must gaze at your heart. And you have to analyze on the emotions your heart feel. For that, human have to experience a various emotions like sometimes pain.
Walk along the path in your heart, and you just will see the truth and the Light at the end of the way.
Hello Supia,
I have sent a couple of emails to the experimental witch email and was wondering if you have received it because i have not gotten any replies.
Would you please let me know if you are receiving them,
Thank you!
Dear Carolina, I think Supia is not Supi…or maybe I am wrong…??
WIth all my Love <3
Annie
Hi, carolena sabah
I didn’t receive any email.
Thank you.
But, when the light come to oneself, oneself to have the light know that the Holy Bible is the Life itself.
The Holy Bible is definitely an instruction manual for us. How do you feel about Jesus using parables to teach about liars and fear? I need to practice using parables more in my writing and teaching instead of being so didactic — No one wants to be preached to.
Just pondering.
Lainee
really.. is that so?
then this insight is very wonderful ;o)
thanks!
That’s true, catherine.