Lies

by Paulo Coelho on October 19, 2009

Telling the Truth is ok. I think we should tell the Truth. But sometimes it hurts. I’m not going to tell someone : “Oh, I hate your dress.” It’s not going to add anything in the Universe and it’s going to make this person very unhappy.

So, in which condition can we lie? I’m counting on your answers.
Thank you,
Paulo

DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).

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{ 656 comments… read them below or add one }

Irina Black October 19, 2009 at 9:29 pm

Just what lies between Birth and Death is lie.All the rest is truth.

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Teresa October 19, 2009 at 9:27 pm

TRUTH…my mission of Life!…i hate lies…just because when you lie…you’re betraying first of all yourself and your freedom of being yourself!…there’s only one situation in Life that i can accept lies, which is when somebody is suffering of a bad sickness and the end is approaching…we/doctor, should use the silence…(wich for me is considered as a diplomatic lie…in this situation…but on our daily days hipochresy)in any other situation…i think leaving on a stattment of truth is not only respecting the next to you…but first of all a commitment with yourself…and i think that leaving only in Truth is much more dificult then prefering lies…and once is more dificult…is much more painfull and richfull for us to grow…. From Switzerland send you TRULY tendress,TRULY love and oceans & heavens of TRULY thank you…for through your Life being teaching us with the stories of our Lives that you write so truly (that’s why we love to read you…because we read our TRULY stories)…so for what LIES???!!!I ALWAYS SAY TO MY FRIENDS: “CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES”…I’VE CHOOSEN:TRUTH!…No place for Lies..just not worth…Truly, Teresa ;-)

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maria-dove October 20, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Dear Teresa,
Good point but if there is noone alive or around you to share the truth what’s really the point?
Maybe you should consider that truth is the road in which you go and lies little and innocent are paths and sometimes is no bad to take a shorter path.
With Love
Maria-dove

Giovanni Moretti October 19, 2009 at 9:22 pm

Quem è capaz de dizer pequenhas mentiras è tambem capaz de mentiras grandes.
Quem mentì em coisas grandes tambem nao tem dificultade em dizer mentiras pequenhas.
(Nao è um homem qualquer que disse isso)

Mesmo sabendo disso, eu mentì! Traindo minhas mesmas convincoes.
Eu fiz isso quando sentì que nao tinha outra escolha, quando sentì que nao tinha mais tempo pra esperar, quando era pra fazer algo muito importante.
…mas esta è mesmo a desculpa de todos quem mintem

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aGem October 19, 2009 at 9:03 pm

To define the word “lie” you have to define the word “thruth” first.What is the truth? Is it universal or personal? I believe that every single human beeing has its own version of truth,due to it´s state of evolvement of it´s spirituality.You can ask 10 different people the same question and get 10 different answers.
It is only important to be true to yourself and the state of evolvement you are in right now.That means,if you feel better to lie about the dress,it has something to do with yourself and is the right thing to do for YOU in that VERY moment.One of the secrets of life for me is to be 100% authentic with everything that is inside of
you.I do not believe in not doing things that are labeled “political incorrect” by the public just because “you shouldn`t do it”.If you feel like it,you have to do it,because living it through is the only way to get rid of it through realization.It is not enough to realize
with your mind that something “should not be done”.Take a diet as an example.You know,to loose weight you
should not eat that chocolatebar.The more you think about that restriction,the more you crave the chocolate.Do you get rid of the craving through restriction-no,not at all.When you allow yourself to indulge in chocolate your craving for it will be satisfied.You may learn that one or two pieces of chocolate won´t spoil your diet.Set yourself free from the restriction and you may eat chocolate maybe once or twice a week.There will be days you won´t think about it at all till you have a totally normal and healthy eating habit of chocolate (I tried it myself,it really works!).
So just be yourself,try to be sensitive,observe yourself and analize
why you lie in certain situations.How it helps you out and what it does to you and the others involved.Was it necessary? What would have happened if you chose to tell the truth?
We are not perfect and I believe we are here to ripe and grow.Challenge yourself everyday,but do not be too strict-we are only human.

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elaine October 20, 2009 at 4:36 am

AGem,

Thank you so very much for your insightful words. How true…. How true. Right from the heart of truth… :-)

Love and warmth to you,
Lainee

Liina.L October 20, 2009 at 11:41 am

I love how You said the word ‘analyze’…

Love and a vawe,
Liina

Active Daisy October 19, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Dear Paulo,

In my opinion, conflict always happens when we are lying to ourselves, not others. Because if we are truly honest to ourselves, then our minds are clear enough to distinguish when we are acting as a consequence of negative feelings. For me, lies are not something I like to tell, because I don’t know how to tell them and because they make me feel toxic and guilty after, even if they were intended to protect someone. My option is to omit, sugar-code or present issues from a different angle to reduce the negative effect on the other person, which in a way I guess are “half-lies”. But I am striving to simply not lie. I try to reduce the moments in which I “lie” to a minimum, even if I know the truth will hurt, not because I’m inconsiderate, but because I myself would prefer to hear a hurtful truth than a nice lie. Using your example with the dress, I truly prefer my boyfriend (or whoever) to tell me honestly when something doesn’t suit me, that way I can analyze it and, if I agree, act upon it to correct it. If they would lie to me, that would mean I would continue wearing that dress probably without noticing it doesn’t favor me or, what for me is even worse, wearing something in front of somebody I care about that he actually doesn’t like (very negative in a sexual context, for example). End of the day I think we should never be the ones to judge how strong or weak another person might be and, if explained properly, even the harshest truths can prove beneficial. And here is where I think it’s so important to be true to ourselves, because if we are not, then we risk saying things that we don’t believe, or that are based on negative emotions such as envy, and that, in my opinion, is when the truth can REALLY damage the other person. People should learn to accept well intended criticism for what it is: the expression of an opinion on an issue that concerns you. Nothing more. Not an insult, not an offense, just a means of communication that we can actually use to improve as human beings. As for other contexts, if there is a matter concerning another person, then that person deserves to know, no matter how hurtful, so they can stand the chance of acting upon it if they so wish, or be prepared for certain consequences that might derive.

But all this is, of course, my honest opinion.

*_*

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Liina.L October 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

You said: “People should learn to accept well intended criticism for what it is: the expression of an opinion on an issue that concerns you. Nothing more. Not an insult, not an offense, just a means of communication that we can actually use to improve as human beings.”

I really support this idea. And the emphasis are highly on well intended criticism. (Especially when I see that a person is decieving themselves) Not just any (blind) citicism. And it would be great if it would always be a possibility. Sadly, it’s not. But it would be an ideal.

But the trouble comes from – when people don’t know us that well to offer well intented criticism, but when they offer well intended criticism either based on:
1. wrong perception (wether we don’t know a person or we’ve understood them wrong)
2. different point of view (in this case we should take in mind if we are telling the truth from our point of view or if we’re having the other person in mind aswell; what does our heart tell us)
3. the outcome from owns negative feelings or shortcomings

We should all pay attention to this aspect aswell, and then I think we shouldn’t be feeling bad for telling the truth either. And it would be easier.

Love,
Liina

Anca October 19, 2009 at 8:26 pm

WOW, I must say at first glance I’m disappointed, beloved Paulo. Your questions are usually open-ended, triggering all-angled opinions, but this one is clearly asking for permission and excuses to lie (is an angled question, not an open one, like ‘what is your opinion about lies?”).

I believe that saying you have to lie because otherwise you’d hurt the other one is a very weak excuse. Is the relationship so frail that it would tear upon saying bad things about a dress? In this case in particular, a woman wants the man’s approval on herself, not her style. There are so many ways to tell the truth and not lose an ounce of attraction/communion “I dread it terribly my darling, but I would love with anything on, and I’ll show you by my side with whatever makes you happy”. Tell, me how can a woman be hurt over a dress, or any other thing that is not connection, as long as the connection and love exists? And I believe we both know by now in life that to keep that it takes continuous effort, because when that is not consciously lit, the best dress in the world would not make a man willing to feel connected with his partner. Fake fear of hurting someone is just another form of emotional blackmail. How does that saying go… a true friend is one that will tell you the truth even when it hurts. If the most cherished trait would be the one of not hurting people, no parent would force their kids to eat their broccoli or do their homework, or correct their behavior, because it might hurt the kid’s feelings. And so on, and so on…

I admit, of all topics this must be closest to a taboo for me, so I am trying very hard to keep an open mind. I’ve lived my life between two people with completely different personalities, beliefs and lifestyles, who refused to become truly a pair, but because they thought they had to fake it, lied and lived themselves hidden. Who do you think they used to cover up all their lies? (church lies, sex lies, money lies, drink lies, love lies, violence lies, and yes, hate lies)… you got it, the one stuck in the middle, me.
And after years of watching people being too coward to stand up and take responsibility for their thoughts, actions, beliefs, and yes, life choices… I am really disgusted of lies, and I try my best to avoid them, even if by telling the truth I don’t get the affection a lie would so surely bestow on me. The price you pay to yourself most of all, when you lie, is the same price a coward pays.

I’m not naive, and I don’t claim I don’t tell lies. (I felt i had to lie recently about my sex life because everyone’s pressure and ridicule made it unbearable, and most importantly, made me feel it’s a loveless world. now I’m a whore in everyone’s eyes, and it still did not make the world a more loving place. just a less ridiculing one. On top of it all, now i am living a lie. So no, I’m not a hypocrite, I just don’t advocate them, the price is not worth paying. )

When the man I loved stood silent, I wondered, maybe he has reasons, he’ll open up when the time is right. But when he looked into my eyes and lied to me (so as not to hurt me about using me to get another woman, even though there was evidence she was providing), the ground opened and swallowed me. Not only I was not worthy of truth in his eyes, this implies I also could not understand whatever complications the truth has.

In time I could forgive, understand whatever reasons, and realize my love still exists, but if we will be to cross paths again, I honestly do not know what can possibly bridge such a rupture between us. If he thinks the other woman worthier of truth than me, than I have no right to play hurt and I wish them all the joys true love can bring.

Maybe it’s just me, … but when a man says ‘I’d lie for you’, I see nothing romantic in it, in reality he’s lying for himself, to have some extra and not lose the rest as well.

Reading most of the men answers on this site, and from the obvious direction of yours, I sincerely wish either to understand men or for Oz to take my brain back… or create a man who can handle his own with honesty.

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Alexandra October 20, 2009 at 2:21 am

Great Anca. You had courage to say the truth…

Liina.L October 20, 2009 at 11:22 am

I also live by the rule that a true friend can tell You the truth even if it hurts.

When people are stuck in something and they play the “blame game”, in meaning of blaming certain things on others, or always justifying or just being blind to the truth (of how things really are), we need to step in. It would be sad to let a person knit their own net and get stuck and eaten in it.

Of course that would be ‘stepping in one’s path and changing the route’, or at least an attempt of that. But how good can a path be, if it is based on lies and self-decieving? Yet at time’s I’ve turned a blind eye myself.

When I see someone lying to themselves, I try to step back, think for a while, and tell them as I see it. With certain people I know that I can do it freely – because it is so in our relationship. Although sometimes it hurts me, to say it, because I know how it may sound to that other person, and sometimes it hurts the other person. It depends how much they appreaciate the truth being told or how personally they take it.

The situation doesn’t always end nicely. (Fe. if that person is vounarable or if they take it too personally and doesn’t see the intent of the talk.)
But at least it is the truth.

Love,
Liina

Tina October 23, 2009 at 7:57 pm

The Truth is beautiful!!! Thank you Anca!!!

I am going to Alpha Blondys concert in Copenhagen next saturday. Everybody who likes the truth, peace and love, join with me because we need eachother:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWL2QvzwX9w

Anca July 29, 2011 at 9:47 am

Interesting reading my own comments /words on your forum.
Now, with more awareness of the multi-dimensional aspects of our reality, and of how what I say/do/write impacts my life, teaches me to
1. pay more attention when mentioning others, even if vaguely
2. deal with kindness and understanding (when/if possible) to re-editing pasts, or interpretation of past facts-representations.

Shane October 19, 2009 at 8:12 pm

White lies are good.

Shane.

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Ara Renate Mayas October 19, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Dear Paolo,
what to tell somebody, decides the heart. The conscience is bound to my motivation: out of Love I am telling this – or maybe saying nothing at all. Truth is, what has a clear connection to the light inside me.
Love, Ara

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ZinZar October 19, 2009 at 7:31 pm

Dear Paulo,

Someone told me, ” A lie is a lie whether it is white or black”. I used to struggle with the issue that I don’t want people to get hurt by my truth. Later, I found a way, if I have nothing good to say, I simply keep quiet. But I cannot lie,because, it won’t be good for me and good for other person too.Well, when we make white lie, yes people won’t get hurt at that moment, but it’s bad for them in long-term. Because they will never be able to find out what truth is,when people around them keep lying to them. Sometimes, the truth is harsh but it’s necessary.So I decided, for the people I care, I try to be as truthful as possible. For the people who can’t handle the harsh truth, first I keep quiet then later, I try to tell my opinion of truth in indirect way so that it won’t be too harsh for them nor they get embarrassed.

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luce October 19, 2009 at 7:05 pm

Dear Paulo,

“….to tell truth, whole truth and nothing but truth !” – this I think must be reserved for The Court of Justice and in my life I always opted for silence when the truth would have been too hurtful.

I do not like lies, somehow I feel if I’m telling lies I deserve them too, but if I am confronted and have to give the answer that I know will hurt then I try the most gentle way to do it.

As Thelma said it has something to do with my birth sign that is Balance like hers too, that makes me uneasy to lie and uneasy to tell something that hurts.

There are ways and moments that are asking for silence if not outright lies.
There are situations that in a moment can change and the truth said is not truth any more but damage is done.

So I decide to act with love and care and I am judge for my words before I let them fly free.

Love
Luce

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lilithy October 19, 2009 at 11:54 pm

There´s no lie.It´s the truth in an iridescent garment.Think about it.

Bernd October 20, 2009 at 9:52 am

Dear Luce,

if it is about being a balance as birth sign, you might have a great love and talent for flirting?

Sometimes this is a great way to lie and not lie at the same time, as within the flirt you can give the other side the option to see the lie or to pretend that there is no lie.
What happens then is up to the other side…

As flirting may not be the proper word in all cases, lets say, that there is a way to lie and passing key to discover the lie at the same time… I would not call this a white lie – I guess I would call this an open charming un-truth.
I pass as many keys as I need to feel the lie to be balanced…

Anyway, body language always passes keys – people just refuse or do not know to read these…
Also “reading”/”feeling”/”seeing” aura or engergy will show a lie – but normally we can only recognize this with friends we know really well… and these do not have to say a word anyway. Some here may be able to see these things all the time – I guess this must be frustrating sometimes…

I always have the feeling that a lie creates a black hole within myself – which closes up again, when showing clear enough that I am telling a lie.
So for me this black hole is what defines a lie – if there is no black hole, I guess that there is no lie, but a different perspective of truth…

Bernd

Barbara Velazquez October 19, 2009 at 6:41 pm

Radical honesty….I’m for it

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Barbara Velazquez October 19, 2009 at 6:51 pm

I hate lies because they take away your freedom of choice…one may have made a different choice had they known all the facts.

A liar puts him/herself above God…since God gave us a free will (and above the Constitution of the United States of America which guarantees the right to the pursuit of happiness as the individual sees fit). Yet there are so many people that do just this and think they are right to do it…Many men that do not understand the sacred nature of women lie to get what they want…sadly it is the norm and not a rarity.

As you wrote in the Alchemist “Anyone who interferes with the personal legend of another thing will never discover their own”

Den Rod October 19, 2009 at 6:39 pm

Truth is vigor and compassion.
Words should always find balance between these two qualities.
The balance of love, I mean.

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Anca October 19, 2009 at 7:37 pm

Wise words, beautifully said!

Thank you

Pandora October 19, 2009 at 9:27 pm

I like your Eye of Truth.

Muchos Gracias

Gina Re October 19, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Lies NEVER!!!
Dance EVER!
Let’s DANCE everybody!:-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbZQa-bzLhU

…by the way… If You tell someone: “Oh, I hate your dress.”, this can NOT make one person unhappy. The truth is that this person IS UNHAPPY, with or without your comment. The truth can hurt JUST the EGO of one person. The HIPOCRISY man can combate ONLY with the TRUTH, not with HIPOCRISY! Jesus had EVER combate HIPOCRISY!
Never LIES!!!

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Gina Re October 19, 2009 at 7:20 pm
mark hughes October 19, 2009 at 6:24 pm

I’d like to quote Graham Greene, “The truth has never been of any real value to any human being – it is a symbol for mathematicians and philosophers to pursue. In human relations kindness and lies are worth a thousand truths.”

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marcoa October 19, 2009 at 6:08 pm

sometimes the situation requires you to be direct and crystal clear, so that you wont be misunderstood..

other times to make the other person less close to your thoughts you have to say things in a more understandable way.. specific to the other person speech and understanding pattern, so that you can actually deliver the right message without risking to make the other person close to you

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András October 19, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Under NO condition can we lie.

The Samurai-s show the good example for the Warriors of Light: a Samurai did not have to swear that he told the truth; the FACT that he was a Samurai IMPLIED that he always told the truth.

Remaining silent is not lieing.
Telling the truth in the right moment or remaining silent are the two only options a Warrior of Light has.

To take the example of the dress: if you are asked about it, and dislike it, or you can remain silent, or your telling the truth will be the motor for that person to buy a better dress, or to understand that this dress is really important for her/him, regardless of your opinion.

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THELMA October 19, 2009 at 5:54 pm

Sometimes … the truth frightens us and we prefer to continue hearing … lies!

We have a Cypriot expression: I play the …. fool!! Παίζω ‘πελλό’= τόν τρελλό![Swannie, remember??] It means: I pretend I do not understand!! Sometimes this is very convenient!!! ;-]

So, dearest Paul, we will have in mind, not to ask you any … secrets so that you will not be obliged to … tell lies! ;]
Although … mind-reading is a quality of … Witches or .. beautiful Souls.
Once that I asked the ‘Magus of Strovolos’ about ‘knowing the truth’ that was .. causing me ‘confusion’, he said to me: The important thing is to have them ‘utter’ it, put it into LOGOS. This creates … duties and responsibilities. The thoughts and desires into .. logos and actions. The WILL expressed.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Catherine E.A. October 19, 2009 at 5:39 pm

various definitions of a lie
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie#White_lie

Oh i love wiki.

interesting are the white, jocese,

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Heart October 19, 2009 at 8:51 pm

How interesting to get a birds view on lies. thank you Catherine.
love and admiration,
Heart

Catherine E.A. October 19, 2009 at 5:34 pm

Oscar Wilde had a lot to say about truth. He said,

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

here are some further Quotations!

“Truth sits upon the lips of dying men” [Matthew Arnold Sohrab and Rustum]
“Beauty and Truth, though never found, are worthy to be sought” [Robert Williams Buchanan To David in Heaven]
“`Beauty is truth, truth beauty,’ – that is all”
“Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know”
“That is all” [John Keats Ode on a Grecian Urn]
“What is truth? said jesting Pilate; and would not stay for an answer” [Francis Bacon Essays]
“Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not believed” [William Blake Proverbs of Hell]
“Truth never hurts the teller” [Robert Browning Fifine at the Fair]
“Truth is within ourselves” [Robert Browning Paracelsus]
“‘Tis strange – but true; for truth is always strange;”
“Stranger than fiction” [Lord Byron Don Juan]
“I maintain that Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect” [Jiddu Krishnamurti speech]
“It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions” [T.H. Huxley Science and Culture]
“The first casualty when war comes is truth” [Philander Chase Johnson Shooting Stars]
“There was things that he stretched, but mainly he told the truth” [Mark Twain The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn]
“The truth is rarely pure, and never simple” [Oscar Wilde The Importance of Being Earnest]
“The truth is a terrible weapon of aggression. It is possible to lie, and even to murder, for the truth” [Alfred Adler The Problem of Neurosis]
“The truth which makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear” [Herbert Agar A Time for Greatness]
“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth” [Sir Arthur Conan Doyle The Sign of Four]
“The truth shall make you free” Bible: St. John
“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth” [Otto von Bismarck]
“It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar” [Jerome K. Jerome]
“Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors” [T.H. Huxley Science and Culture and Other Essays]
“Truth is the cry of all, but the game of the few” [Bishop George Berkeley Siris]
“Truth lies within a little and certain compass, but error is immense” [Henry St. John, 1st Viscount Bolingbroke Reflections upon Exile]

and, Proverbs
“There is truth in wine (in vino veritas)”

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Barcelona_20_euros_en_un_café October 19, 2009 at 7:48 pm

Only the children and the drunkers say the true, no?

Pandora October 19, 2009 at 9:31 pm

I will drink to the last one… Hic (that is a joke and not a lie) ;D

Mari Ann October 19, 2009 at 5:29 pm

I believe it was in June last year, that one of the messages I received was that “We are going to make you look so bad, that nobody will talk to you again. Ever!” And with todays technology, it is no problem to make people very bad, or very good. Very pretty, or very ugly. The scariest part is that mindcontrol is being used to harm people, or make them act differently than they otherwise would do. It is a sad world, isn’t it? I believe we need quite a few warriors of the light.

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Marie October 19, 2009 at 5:22 pm

There’s a difference between diplomacy and lie. If it brings nothing in positive, silence seems to me the most adapting. If it’s for something important for us, I agree with Thelma, important it’s to feel in keeping with oneself. Because before lying to others, they fool themselves to oneself first. Are they indeed satisfied?

Light & Love,

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Anne S. October 19, 2009 at 5:20 pm

One should always tell the truth, even if it hurts. But one should also think about how to tell the truth. Like the example you gave us, Paulo, about the dress. If someone has a ugly dress, ok. If the situation is at a party or something, maybe the best thing is not say anything. But if its before the party and your wife, friend or someone else asks what you think about the dress she is planing to wear, tell the truth! Its better to hear the truth then, and have the chance to change dress, that after or in the party realize that the dress is ugly, and have the feeling that the other peoples at the party has been laughing behind her back…

But its not always that easy to tell the truth. Ive experienced this lately. A person I thought I could trust told me something, and then after some time I realized the person had lied to me. I will not tell what the lie was about, but it was bigger then me having a bad haircut or ugly dress. And in this case I realized also that it can also be a lie not telling anything. He choose not to tell me everything, and wrapped his lie into some of what he told that was the truth. And it was not easy to see, something that made me believe in what he told. And this kind of lie is maybe the worst, because he told some of the truth, but with the same words he lied.

I always try to tell the truth, but of course, its not always possible, and some time the lie comes even if I try not to lie. And it makes me sad. But its human… Sadly…

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Anne S. October 20, 2009 at 7:25 pm

Hi Sheela

Thank you for the post. It was so nice to hear from you again:) I am sorry that you also have been lied to. It is terrible to experience… Lying is like a bad bacteria, it starts with a tiny little thing, and if one is not careful it can make the whole body and soul sick… It’s dangerous and also contagious in some cases…

I have recovered some, but I still have this empty feeling in my stomach. Even though it has been over a month ago since I realized the lie, confronted him and in the end left him.

Do you know what I mean? I’m not sure how to explain it… The feeling of being betrayed, maybe..?

But I also see that this was maybe the best thing happening to me, because there was no future in the relationship we had. Even though it makes me sad that what we had together, had to end this way. Nothing should end with or because of a lie!

But I’m soon ready to start over with my life. And now I have more knowledge, and hopefully, if someone tries to lie to me this way again, I will be able to realize it sooner.

I’m sending my best wishes to you Sheela =)
Anne

Pandora October 19, 2009 at 5:01 pm

No we don’, Yes we do, No we don’t, Yes we do

Sorry, I am just arguing between my male and feminine side…

:D

p.s. have missed you stupendously too.. and that comes from both of us!!!

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Paula October 19, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Hi all,

I do not like to lie, I feel that it is negative and that it makes me feel bad to do it even if it is to spare someones feelings.

So I have put much thought and effort into creative ways to tell the truth without hurting anyone in my circle of friends and family……even strangers.

If someone asks “Do you like my new dress, shirt, car ect… and I don’t I will say ” It’s not something I would choose for myself but I can tell that you adore it and it pleases me to see you so happy with it.”

Or if someone asks my what I thought of a person such as a friend, business associate, or relative that I recently was introduced to and I did not really like the person. I will respond with something like “I was not real comfortable being around them, but I hope that the two of you have a terrific relationship that is rewarding for you both.”

In both cases I did not lie but I was not mean or hurtful either.
When I keep the focus on me and then finish with a positive statement for them, most people are satisfied with that and will not press for more info from me as I have answered the question that they posed to me.

Like my Granny always told me “There is more than one way to skin a cat.”
Metaphorically of course…..I realized that choosing my words carefully would enable me to tell the truth and still spare someone being hurt by my words.

There is an exception to this working for me every time and that is……It has been my experience that there are some people that want or expect to have their feelings hurt and they will likely find a way to turn even your kindest words into an insult to them. Sadly these people want to be a hurt as they must think or feel they deserve it on some level, however I still maintain that truth is the best policy and if you are thoughtful and creative no ones feeling have to be hurt by the truth.

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Heart October 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Just be a diplomat.

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Ilva Asote October 19, 2009 at 9:22 pm

“A diplomat is a man who says you have an open mind, instead of telling you that you have a hole in the head.”

But that is cool, Heart!

If someone said to me I had a hole in my head, I’d MORE thankful to him than if he said I had an open mind.

Hole in the head – what a great place for my crazy creative creations (CCC)!!! Yeeeeah! :)

Tarek October 19, 2009 at 4:20 pm

To pretend that one is only good (some think they are more good than good) is evil.
So, lies are here and without lies the truth have no meaning (you know the thing from its opposite)..
We all know that it is wrong (or at least this is what ethics tells us) but we all lie some more, others less, some serious others less serious, and every one try to justify his actions to himself and to others..
I believe, instead of denying lies or fight to justify them, one have to become conscious of them otherwise (the action of) lies will take control instead of that we control them.
Love

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Theresa Goubran-Keshta October 19, 2009 at 9:15 pm

“Lies will take control instead of that we control them”
A very good point, thank you.

Alexandra October 19, 2009 at 4:17 pm

I can say lies are not good, even when we think they for a good purpose. We should avoid them at maximum. Of course one need courage to speak up, and sometimes seems we have only things to lose. But even if after some time, the truth and honesty will be rewarded. As in the end the good wins. Lies are so may types, some really dangerous to say, some less. I am sincere, and rarely lie, even if I do, I suffer a lot after, so I preffer to say truth soon. If I must say a thing not nice, better I change topic, or I lies less possible. For example, I had a painting from my ancestor, old, and I sold for pay my fees in first year at faculty. I never said to my father, he cant understand, was mine, so I deny, and my mom deny too, my brother said he saw the painting still here… I had been covered…I will try to buy back, I know wheres, so why make father argue? Hope you wont judge me too harsh.
Love
Alexandra

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Oline October 19, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Tell the truth in a right and lovely way.

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Oline October 19, 2009 at 4:06 pm

When someone is asking you, of course.

elias October 19, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Telling the truth can hurt and not telling the truth can also hurt.

For example, suppose one of your friend smells bad in a certain day (for a certain reason), if you tell him you small bad today he may feel bad, but if you don’t tell him anything perhaps some stranger will tell him and he will feel more embarrassed.

Don’t lie but no need to speak unnecessary things.

For example I don’t like the dress, I don’t volunteer my opinion about it unless asked, then I say: “In my opinion, I like the other dress better” for example.

I think it is always best to speak with good intentions, not to flatter nor to lower a person’s value.

zaZen October 19, 2009 at 7:12 pm

In my personal life, I do feel that a so called “white lie” is not at all harmful in any way, unless there is the intent to do so, or knowing before speaking that what you say will be harmful in some way.

I would not purposefully say something that had the possibility of hurting another unless it was necessary to do so. (extreme example: a family member or friend has been hurt)

Someone’s choice of clothing, hair style etc. belongs to that individual and is not my “story”, therefore I would say either nothing or something positive either by my choice or after being asked.

Lies have a bad rep in my opinion… there are occasions when, if something must be said and I can avoid hurting another with my response, then it is what I do.
z

Susan October 19, 2009 at 4:01 pm

well said.

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Alexandra October 19, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Ohhh, I dont do that way. But maybe I am wrong, too much sincerity is not appreciated. Well, mostly few person can see truth, even if in front of them. People believe sooner a lie.
Love
Alexandra

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Catherine E.A. October 19, 2009 at 5:30 pm

;o)
i agree Alexandra ;o)
ie: sincerity as not appreciated..
and people believe sooner a lie.

However, thankfully, truth is visible
and shines through people … people like you x;o)

Liina.L October 19, 2009 at 3:32 pm

I think the worst lies is what You tell Yourself. As Thelma mentioned – we should be true to ourselves. In that I mean more sincerety to oneself, but also standing up for Yourself and not letting someone undermind You because they think they know better.

In my view, we can’t be 100% hones with others before we have been honest to ourselves. If we start to do that, we see things much differently and we can become ‘egoistic’ but this time in a good way. As once Paul has mentioned.

There is time for everything.

Love,
Liina

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THELMA October 19, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Oh dearest Paul you have just managed to … confuse me with ‘the no that means yes and then the … understanding yes to a … No that … makes us … deaf and .. unable to hear!!!! ;-]
I think, our Paulo Coelho’s -PYTHIA’s – answer was clearer:
YES and NO or NO and YES!!!!! [If you were reading the Blog during your absense, you must know what I mean; or you will have to go ... back in the ... ARCHIVES]

I am so happy you are here. I missed you. Take care.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Raffaella October 19, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Telling the truth is often the best and most sincere thing to do, however there times that we need to lie, or be unhonest to people if you prefer.
By experessing our opinion, in a good way, and not being neither too flattering nor mean, it’s the best we could do. For example, we can not tell our friends or anybody in general ‘Oh,you new haircut/dress/ etc is awful’ but at the same time, we shouldn’tell ‘Oh, your new haircut/dress ect looks greats’ when we know that is untrue.
Human souls needed to be said the things as they are, but always in a good and a positive way that will not hurt their feelings.
This what i believe

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candieb October 19, 2009 at 3:22 pm

I’m for the truth no matter what,even if it hurts.

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Liina.L October 19, 2009 at 3:16 pm

But it’s also sad when You talk about general life, not trying to send a certain message, but people catch it from the air (what is not there, but they think it is)and people misunderstand You, and start to feel something. And later You feel sorry for hurting and misleading someone, even if Your itention was just to express Your ideas in general, not to paint a picture of Your ideas as a “love letter”.

And hey, here You talk about women. What about men?

Love,
Liina

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zee October 19, 2009 at 3:05 pm

I lie, not everyone can handle the truth. Can you yourself handle some of the truths out there? We are given a choice to either me honest or labeled a liar, if it was honesty god wanted for everyone then lies would not exist. We grow from lies exactly as we grow from truths. Embrace the little white lie you told, embrace the honesty you just spewed your best friend that made her feel like crap and may never trust you with somethin again. Like I said we grow from our situations whether it be right or wrong, good or bad, you just have to find the comfort zone within it.

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Fabrício October 19, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Olá Paulo,
eu acho que o ideal nesse caso seria omitir, porque assim voce não esta mentindo e ao mesmo tempo não esta magoando ninguem.
Abarços grandes!

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Lionel October 19, 2009 at 2:39 pm

For me the lie is as a protection of the other energies. What does it mean? For exemple, when I meet some of my old friends or my relation (distant) and they don’t know well my present life I’m trying to tell them that they would hear. It’s lie, of course. But when I understand that my life is too complicated to be explaned to them I want to keep silent. Some discomfort appears when I tell not all I wanted. My choice is to tell all or to tell nothing. But it’s very difficult for me. That becuse I lie.

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giselle October 19, 2009 at 2:23 pm

it is never alright to lie. even lying to kids doesn’t get them anywhere. (“the stork brought you”) lying to avoid getting someone offended or hurt is more complicated, when that person discovers that you lied, it will hurt her more.

no one likes being lied to.

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THELMA October 19, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Hi Paulo Coelho, have a nice week.. We do hope that you will continue appearing ‘talking’ to us..

The conventional lies of our civilization.
Author: Nordau, Max Simon, 1849-1923
This is a book that I had read when I was a teenager and has made me think..
I also read a book [I have forgotten the author]: ‘How to make friends and influence your environment’, when I was a student. About this book I had long discussions with a friend pianist and my sister. My sister was adamant she wanted to say always the Truth. [She is an Aries!!]. My friend, Christodoulos Georgiades to whom the book belonged, was saying that we, like the diamonds, should try to cultivate and ’round’ oud edges and try to be … polite and nice. I was in the middle, as always!! The Balance, LIBRA.
We must be truthful. We must look the beauty in others and .. say it. Never to hesitate say a good word and show admiration.. A good word spoken, based on honesty, which is not mere .. flattery may give happiness and light.
Regarding our .. children we must never lie! We should be the Rocks on which they can ‘build’ their character. We must never allow ourselves to be … caught lying. We will just make a fool of oursevles. To tell a lie you must have a very good … memory!!! ;-]

Lawyers are famous for …. telling lies! I know they ARE. But whenever I hear a lie I know this is not the truth! It is either .. half truth or … half lie. It depends on … which side they are!! Sometimes from so long and so often telling lies…. they forget THE TRUTH!! ;-] I know exactly how to … excract the truth: Just by asking … controversial questions and … I catch them …

Sometimes the Truth hurts! We understand that someone is .. cheating or is not honest. Then we have to take ‘decisions’. If we are … ready to face reality and make crucial decisions, we speak openly.. Sometimes we – for the sake of peace or just out of .. laziness- we let others think that they have ‘fooled’ us.. So this is life.
I think that there are no rules as how we will react. It depends on our character, the circumastances, but again on our DESTINY and Karma.
The most important, I think, is to always be true to ourselves. To be transparent and learn to master our thoughts and words.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Heart October 19, 2009 at 4:36 pm

Dear Thelma,

I’m like you, it’s not easy to lie to me. I will know the truth.

Love and admiration,
Heart

Viviana October 19, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Sim, podemos mentir ás vezes, quando o nosso filho traz um desenho que nem percebemos se é uma casa ou um cão e dizemos está lindo! Quando o nosso marido apreb«nde a cozinhar e faz um arroz intragável e nós comemos, mesmo assim, e dizemos está bom! Estas mentiras não prejudicam apenas aumentam a auto estima para que se esforcem se não vejamos, se dissermos ao nosso fiçho este desenho está horrivel ele vai chorar e não vai mais pintar, se dissermos ao marido que o cozinhado está mau, ele desiste e não vai mais aprender como se faz. São pequenas mentiras sem importância, ou não, talvez o marido não aprenda a cozinhar nunca e fique achando que o seu arroz é maravilhoso porqure a sua mulher disse que sim, talvez o seu filho seja um pintor frustrado porque ninguém reconhece o seu talento, que ele sabe que tem, porque a sua mão lhe disse. Verdade ou mentira temos que escolher e nem sempre optamos pelo correcto. Mas o que é o correcto?

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Isabel October 19, 2009 at 1:57 pm

I have been lie for a while to my self, stayed in the same bore job, hagging with the person that not make sense any more in my life. Every day we lie every thing, eat the food that you don’t like. Doing the job that you don’t like.
Wake up early in the morning, when you want to stay a bed for more hours.
Doing thing to stay more acomodate with your friends, boss, boyfriends, family, ect.
I’m tired, I need patience to wake up again and forever. Today is my new day in this life. My old behaviors, I throught it off.

Love and gratitude.

Isabel

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Liina.L October 19, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Ohh… Paulo.
I forgot to thank You for this topic.

It’s been on my mind lately.

Hugs,
Liina

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Bastian October 19, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Hello,
I’m Bastian and I’m a child from germany.
I think sometimes people need lies. For example If you lie because you don’t want to hurt people. Like Paolos example and I mean in this way the lie is okay.
Or if you are very ill and you know that your friend couldn’t go on in his life if he knows how ill you are.
Not every lie is bad I think.
Bastian

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Liina.L October 19, 2009 at 1:50 pm

I ask You following:
What is the reason behind telling the truth?
What is the reason behind what we need to tell another person?
And finally: what is our heart doing when we need to tell another person something?

Is it a trivial matter? Is it something serious? Is it about our life, about theirs? Is it to spread our ideas or share a different point of view? Is it to find out something new or confront a person? There is a different answer in a different situations.

~*~*~*~

On the other matter.
When we say ‘This dress looks awful’, we are passing on judgement depending on our personal perspective, choices and taste. Our taste isn’t someone elses taste. And because (IF) we understand it, we will not speak ‘the truth’ because we simply understand that it’s just our point of view and not a “RULE”. In other words. It is our so called truth. We understand that these things are deeply individual and speak of a certain person. Estonian presidents wife Evelin Ilves is constantly critizised about the way she dresses, because to the critiques it is always WRONG. Of course, behind that is to find publicity and fame and a reason to critizise. That is blind way of mind, another attempt to “control” and to undermind someone. To give the “supreme”, the “bestest” opinion. In my eyes it is degrading the person who is saying it, because they do not understand that life is not about those things (indeed). So telling someone that kind of “TRUTH” (that they look awful or the dress is ugly) is not telling the truth, but actually either being untactful or unrespective of another person, denying their right to their opinion, choices and thoughts.

In other words – not telling someone that their dress is awful and keeping quiet about it is not being untruthful. Neither is telling someone who in our opinion (even if we have it) isn’t wearing a “nice” dress that she is wearing a nice dress a lie, because to that person it is a nice dress. And just because we might not wear it does not mean that they are less worthy or untasteful or in need to be compared with us at all times.
But if we understand it, then we won’t even think that way, because we understand that these things are individual.

And so are our choices in life, our personalities, our lives and the roads we’ve taken, the experiences we’ve got.

~*~*~*~

There is no point in telling lies when we feel we should tell the truth.

~*~*~*~

There is no point in telling lies when we know that to save our dignity, our life, our persona and love for other(s) or ourselves the lie (that we might tell) can destruct us. Or make us feel sorry for not being able to say those words (as last weeks quote: important words need to be said.).

~*~*~*~

There is no need to please others by telling lies that they might like instead of telling the truth that takes that person to a new understanding or state.

~*~*~*~

Unfortunately often You cannot say the truth at all times, because You understand that the other person is not ready to hear the truth. (I’ve seen it happen, that when You pick a “RIGHT moment” then a person accepts what You are saying to them, instead of another moment when You are doing the same things, maybe even saying the same words out and be either rejected, not listened to, laughed at or just main numbness and no answer.)

And unfortunately not always can we pick the right time.

~*~*~*~

I just hope that I stand strong for what I believe in and at the same time be respectful, non-judgemental and love others as well as myself.

Love,
Liina

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Monika October 20, 2009 at 12:19 am

Liina, you have spoken the words I wanted to say…

Paulo and everyone on here, join BraveHeartWomen.com let’s make this planet a better place, let’s stand united, enlightened, full of love and peace, let us all Chase Our DREAMS!

Catherine E.A. October 19, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Hello.
Well I would have to say
that a lie is better
if you do not have all the facts of a situation…
and if
are asked for your opinion…

then you have less chance of causing offence ;o)

Otherwise, “you truth” may be judgemental or based on irrelevant basis. No one owns the whole truth to reality anyhow… everything is through your own ‘lens’ – be they rose coloured, speckled or fake Gucci ;o)

…If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all…
I agree with this phrase more now… and like it too.

;o)

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Pandora October 19, 2009 at 3:04 pm

That’s interesting that you mention the word judgemental Catherine, I had not thought of people using truth in this way, but you are right…

:)

candieb October 19, 2009 at 3:21 pm

I don’t agree Catherine.How can a lie is better?If asked for opinion Catherine and we do not know the facts,I think we should say nothing at all,not lying.Just to say that”I don’t know the facts”,no?Cause if you say a lie,than it transformed even more that already diformed reality.Well,that’s my point of view.

Pandora October 19, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I really don’t like lies at all. If I lie about anything I feel it in my heart, so I really cannot do it.

After I did my webcam, a friend of mine told me I looked drunk (I wasn’t even squiffy!!!), I was hurt by her comment, I had plucked up courage to do it, but then she said “I am only being truthful”. But was it necessary to voice that “truth”, because I had not requested an opinion, I do not know.

If someone asks me their opinion on something, I will always be honest, but I will try to word it in a way that will not hurt that person, and hopefully make them see that my opinion really is only my opinion, and that theirs is (for example in the case of an item of clothing) the only one that really counts. Or try to see it through their eyes, so that I can appreciate it more.

So when is it acceptable to lie, for me personally, it is not acceptable, in truth I can trust, but in lies I cannot.

And of course the eyes, and the aura never lie and the truth always comes out in the end…dreams have revealed a lot of liars to me.

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Catherine E.A. October 19, 2009 at 5:27 pm

drunk? not in the slightest Pandora ;o)
very confident and big hearted i thought xx;o)
[charming also x]

Liina.L October 19, 2009 at 9:57 pm

Pandora.

A very similar thing happened to me and one of my friends once. Of the exception that I was the one that said that stupid thing/comment. Later I felt really bad because his reaction was similar to Yours. It hurt him.

From now on I try to stay honest but in a tactful way, and possibly find a right moment to talk about things and risk of the fact that it may take some of the possibilities (to talk about it)to pass by. But when I feel that the truth must be told, I will find a way to say it as it is.

PS! I didn’t think You were drunk on that video. But if You were, then probably You were only drunk on love. Lol

All best,
Liina

Ingrid Bugge October 19, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Hi Paolo,

Lies is like accid for my soul and my relations. Lies take away my connection to me and God. I have been lieing sweet little lies – and they made me so ill. I can think of no lies that is good.

At same time I know that honesty can be accid aswel – if I am not honest in a caring and loving way toward my relations.

I can be honest from different perspektives – my ego who want life, beaty, behavior etc in a quite specific way (my ego truth can be accid to a person) – and I can be honest with my heart – here my ego will be silent and I will be a caring person for both me and the other – I will answer in a truesfull way – that means that I will focus on the specific trouth that contribute to life in a positive way.

Positive does´nt mean that my trouth is allways making the other person happy instantly – fx. a while ago someone was in love with me and I only saw him as a distant friend. I had to tell him that was distubed that he kept contacting me in a very poetisc way. And he had to think about that and tell me that he had fallen in love with me. Though me telling him that I was disturbed problaly gave him some instant pain- but this gave hime a chanche to thin twice and realize I am a romantic no go for him – and he was able to fall back into a friendly connection again.

And then I think acting in a loving way is mush more important than word – I have heard I love you and believed in it – getting so hurt to realice acting was not love. Lies i manipulation and I find no love there.

Love
Ingrid

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Ilva Asote October 19, 2009 at 1:00 pm

„Wise people discuss ideas. Fools discuss how people should behave.”

LIES.

Fools do not discuss how people should behave (at least, not in my ‘planet’).

April 1 – FOOLS’ DAY (the day when the jokes last all day)

April 1 – International Birds Day

“It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds…” /Aesop/

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Ilva Asote October 19, 2009 at 1:36 pm

BUT if someone said to me: “Oh, I hate your dress”, I would answer to him/her “Then TRY to take it off…”
Open your eyes to the Truth!
:)

Alexandra October 19, 2009 at 12:56 pm

I’m sick of lies, I believe the lie’s already a disease… I also believe that for every disease exist medicines… in this case, the perfect medicine is karma…

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Alexandra October 20, 2009 at 2:30 am

I do believe same. Maybe because I am Alexandra too? I think lies leave a bitter taste. For example not once I was praised with lot of big words. Than I knew all was a lie. What a waste of time, mine and of the person who lied. What about men who claim they not married, trying adventure? Or those who lie they cant leave the wife for she is sick? Or when one try to escape, saying “I am not worthy of a great person as you”, Thinking the opposite. Of course we must lie bit, when we try encourage somebody efforts. We better say to a kid who learn to draw that the drawing he made is nice…even if looks like a scare-crow. Usually people as they meet a fat friend, relatuve, try to say:’Ohh, well, seems you lost weight!” even if almost never truth…And if one married, better if never say to the wife “That dress does not really fit you”. Or, I love you, even if you not slim at all…ok
Love
Alexandra

Pandora October 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Thank you Annie, it was funny because I was chatting to Thelma on the LIVE, and we talked about this very thing, and then I opened the blog and here is this question, so it was on the forefront of my mind…

Love you too,

XXX

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Catherine E.A. October 19, 2009 at 5:26 pm

err Candie – we WERE talking about subjects like dresses weren’t we!!??!! [AS specified in P's question/topic]. You can’t judge me outside of the context ;o)
and p.s. we are ALLLLL ALLLOWed our own opinion. thanxs ;o)

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THELMA October 19, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Annie, Swannie, you are again spoiling me and .. overdoing it!! Yes, I know, I can feel your love… , but ” Πάν μέτρον άριστον”. ;΄-]
Ι hope I will never disappoint you in any way..
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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THELMA October 19, 2009 at 6:27 pm

That sound is one to avoid the extremes and excesses, and to seek and find in each act, every action and qualitative those proportions (required) dictate (regularity) so far.
This is the meaning of the Ancient Greek expression: Μέτρον ¨Αριστον.
LOVE,
Thelma xx

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Barcelona_20_euros_en_un_café October 19, 2009 at 7:51 pm

I write it about the prober “in vino veritas”.

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THELMA October 19, 2009 at 8:18 pm

Dearest Heart, that’s the reason we are … BFF.
Similar attract similar! ¨Ομοιος ομοίω αεί πελάζει!!!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Ilva Asote October 19, 2009 at 9:37 pm

Thank you, Annie!

We have BURATINO (“The Golden Key…” by Tolstoy)

Love
Ilva

P.S. BTW, I thought about Pinocchio some days ago. “Unfortunately”, I’m more Buratino…!
Looking at his nose I DO NOT SEE LIES. I see WHITE STORK (ciconia ciconia)!!! hehehe

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Ilva Asote October 19, 2009 at 9:41 pm

If you want to win world’s biggest liar competition, tell the Truth!

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Liina.L October 19, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Yes, Catherine. We are. We are also allowed to live. And love.

Love,
Liina

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Clarisa October 20, 2009 at 12:28 am

Que hermoso lo que escribiste,Annie,es como yo pienso,perdona,si lo reitero,pero no se porque me identifico mucho con vos.
yo creo que hay que vivir en la VERDAD,que la mentira es oscura no sirve,por mas que digamos algunas veces,que puede ser piadosa,para ayudar a alguien.Pero no es asi,aveces es preferible callar,antes de mentir,decir la verdad de una manera menos dolorosa,la mentira siempre se descubre y hace mucho mas daño.Como vos decis quita energia.Justamente debemos ser dignos,poder mirar a los ojos de frente,sin tener nada que esconder.Lo que se logra atravez de la mentira es falso,oscurese el alma..La verdad es luz,nos libera por mas dura que sea…
Un abrazo,mucha LUZ,Energia y verdad

entira

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Heart October 20, 2009 at 3:00 am

A diplomat is sensitive to other peoples feelings and tries to avoid hurting anybody… open mind is positive, a hole in the head is negative…CCC to me means Catholic Church Catechism…let’s see what it says about lies..The 8 Commandment; thou shalt not lie;

Article 2482 (translated from Norwegian :))
‘A lie is to talk not truth in the purpose of deceiving. The lord condemn a lie as the work of the devil: ‘You have the devil for a father’ in truth he has never stood, there is no truth in him. When he carry on his own false speak, it is from his own he is taken, liar as he is, yes the father of lies.

Article 2483
A lie is the most direct attach to truth. To lie or to act against the truth to mislead anybody with a right to know it. Lies, as it hurt the humans relation to the truth and to thy neighbor, ruin the fundamental base for the relation between humans and its word to the Lord.

No less. yihaaa :) (=cowboy wow)

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Ilva Asote October 20, 2009 at 10:29 am

Zuzuuuuu!!!
I simply adore you! :)
My CCC turned into Catholic Church Catechism! Yihaaa! :)
That ir GREAT GREAT GREAT (TRIPLETS :))
Well, I just wanted to say that I was about telling the truth, NOT lies… Even if it hurts.

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Heart October 21, 2009 at 12:11 am

How nice of you to say so Ilva dear. The greatest truth is found in silence, I believe, but when communication is necessary to love, it is better to communicate..truth or lie or whatever, as long as we LOVE.

Thanks for being so much fun and bubbling with optimism and creativity…You’re a great young lady!! GREAT GREAT GREAT :))

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Ilva Asote October 20, 2009 at 10:39 am

Oh, Master Cherry… What a wonderful sign, Annie!
By the way, my father time to time called me BURATINKA. No, not because I lied to him, but… because I used make-up! :)
Yes, white storks are famous. They are considered as Latvian national birds what is not TRUTH. Motacilla Alba is our national bird.
Anyway, European Union do not take it in account…. So, in more books and booklets you can find that WHITE STORK is Latvian ‘symbol’. But it’s OK – I LIKE THEIR LIES!!! :)

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Pandora October 20, 2009 at 10:43 am

Dear Liina

You have made me laugh out loud, thank you so much!!!

Drunk on Love, like a bumble-bee on nectar…. yes that is it!!

Love to you

Buzz-Buzz

XXX

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Pandora October 20, 2009 at 10:48 am

Thanks very much Catherine, I hadn’t even had a glass of wine, but after I had finished I did :)

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THELMA October 20, 2009 at 1:32 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubVVSWHkxs8&feature=PlayList&p=281845FFAFF1978E&index=0

The expressed Will: Liebestraum, by F. Liszt
LOVE to you Swannie and to the … beautiful Cloud Dweller. ;-]
Mamma Thelma xxx

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THELMA October 20, 2009 at 2:17 pm

!!!! ;-]
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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THELMA October 20, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Dear Bernd, Yes I am a Libra [balance] but with a Scorpio ascendant! So I have to answer to you about the great … talent and love in … flirting!! Once somebody has said: Flirting makes us … fly! It makes us feel desirable and brings out our best self and the best self of others. It is the … preliminaries.. Even birds and animals and the whole Nature is … flirting .. It is the song of life.. Of course it is an …. ART. You have to keep your ‘dignity’ and self-respect. This is, of course, an issue of culture and ethics. Again we have to … keep the Balance. Step by step this is the road leading us one minute to … Heaven and the next the … Hell. We have to use our intuition, read the signs and be able to ‘transcend’ ourselves and expand our senses to ‘feel’ our beloved and be able to go into his/her heart. Love is a ROSE that needs … watering every minute… even with .. our tears! ;-]
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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THELMA October 20, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Pandora October 20, 2009 at 2:42 pm

… and so the doorbell rang, a box has arrived, containing two boxes:

“What is the real “I”, its what you are, not what others make of you”,

The other:

“Everyone has a treasure that is waiting just for them”

So I hope that what I soon will be wearing, is also not a lie, although of course it is not a dress…

:D

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Liina.L October 25, 2009 at 8:46 pm

Mission accomplished. :)

Love!

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clarisa October 20, 2009 at 7:02 pm

Gracias,Annie,sos muy dulce..El sol siempre esta aunque no lo veamos..No se puede tapar,con una mano…Con la verdad pasa lo mismo,tarde o temprano sale la luz…
Un beso grande,saludos…De verdad me gustaria,que algun dia podriamos ser amigas…Clarisa

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Barcelona_20_euros_en_un_café October 20, 2009 at 7:16 pm

:-) Cheers! :-)

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Alexandra October 20, 2009 at 7:58 pm

Thanx, Alexandra, for sharing your oppinion with me. I agree with you but I also believe that the lie will never fade away. There will always be people who don’t really realise their lies or they actually think like that or they just want to lie and hurt you by not willing to tell the truth. It’s sad, it’s almost too sad not to be true, but I think we should just accept the fact that we are the first ones who have to accept the fact that the lies will always exist and, in the same time, we have to do our best to tell the truth, in order not to hurt our beloved ones by telling them a beautiful lie or an ugly truth…
Love back :D

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aGem October 20, 2009 at 9:32 pm

Yeah,I´m german and sometimes my spelling is VRONG *LOL*

Take care…
aGem

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THELMA October 21, 2009 at 7:40 am

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with the golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams beneath your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams…

William Butler Yeats
Oh Paul, since the minute I have read you saying about Witches stealing your heart, I had this poem in my mind.
But why .. Witches and not …. Angels?
How could you leave your heart on your …. sleeve..
unprotected? Do not worry, the Shell .. is protecting you now, after your Camino; so is a Blue Butterfly.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx

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Liina.L October 21, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Heh.

I just saw that word and I was thrilled to see it. Why? Because it’s easier for some people to play the ‘blame game’ than to analyse themselves (especially THEMSELVES) and others. I was glad to see that You brought it to the table, figuratively speaking.

Thanks,
Liina

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Theresa Goubran-Keshta October 22, 2009 at 1:10 am

Thank you, dear Annie for your kind words. You are always present on the blog offering words of encouragement or with interesting information.
I love the phrase “Faith in Life, and not in a Lie.” It is beautiful and very relevent for this situation.
Take care of yourself,
Love, Theresa

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Pandora October 22, 2009 at 7:41 pm

That is genius Annie,

XXX

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Marie October 22, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Dear Annie,

You put a new angle for this question! :)…Thanks you ;-)
I often saw many persons who say the truth by ” for other one ” but for ” good conscience “. I always find it difficult to understand this ” good conscience ” which for me is comparable to stop feeling guilty but not to search “his ” truth. It’s as if they got rid of a too heavy bag without not looking at context! It seems to me important that the truth makes grow our soul. I agree with Johanne when she says importance to use it “I” rather than “You”

Light & Love,

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aditya October 23, 2009 at 7:56 am

HI annie !

the statements u mentioned, if given as a explaination is itslef proving that it is not so, how, see if i did something with best intentions, and it did not work out then i may as well accept teh blame while retaining my intentions in my heart, one cannot take shelther behind one’s intentions to ‘escape’ responsibility. what one’s intentions are, what my intentions are is betwenn me and my god, let my actions speak and if they create a noise, i am guilty of cretaing that noise whatever may my intentions have been ! at any given point of time let’s do whatever appears most appropriate to us, that is the l\menaing of unlearning, no need to see if what we are going o do confirms to this or that, but before we allow ourselvs this liberty, let’s examine if we have love in our heart ! love is the alchemist which transforms everything into paradise, even death and himiliation ! ask those revolutionaries who brought about changes !

I know this issue can never be ‘debated’ out, one needs to just examine all view points passionately, then dispassionately and then unlearn teh whole thing and wait for grace to happen, wait for wisdom to dawn !
messing with otehrs’ karmas is risky business, but we came to earth to take risks, specially if our intentions are good, we know it.
love
aditya

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clarisa October 23, 2009 at 12:55 am

Querida Annie,puedo sentir la calidez de tu alma,tu sensibilidad,ha si lo siento..Me encantaria,que sigamos conociendo nuestras almas,compartiendo pensamientos,me identifico mucho con vos.
El sol siempre esta,siempre, nos ilumina nos da vida..Cuando estamos tristes,grises tenemos que pensar en lo bueno que tenemos,imaginarnos un colorido arco iris..
Nada es imposible,si deseamos mucho algo,ponemos toda nuestra voluntad y esfurezo y toda nuestra fe en DIOS.
Mucha luz para vos,un fuerte abrazo,Todos los dias hay un instante magico,solo hay que percibirlo,como dice nuestro querido Paulo….Clarisa

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Clarisa October 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm

Querida, Annie, sos vos como una hermanita para mi.Me encanto lo que me decis.Tenemos que aprender a mirar mas alla de lo que nuestros ojos Pueden ver … y nuestra alma Abrir animarse a soñar, luchar por nuestros sueños e ideales . Aveces la realidad no es queremos como queremos, hay tanto dolor en el mundo, pero todos los dias podemos poner nuestro granito de arena para empezar a cambiarla.Hoy un dia especial para mi, es el cumpleaños de mi hijo mayor, hace 23 años, solo con 19 años yo, lo estaba dando a luz, Ese fue un gran momento mágico, luego vinieron mis otros dos hijos, y mi pequeña, Jaz .. mi nietita, una joven abuela, jaja.
La vida es hermosa, y hay que celebrarla todos los dias, apesar de todas las cosas buenas o malas que Suceden a diario.Nada es facil pero es hermoso intentarlo, hoy yo doy gracias a la vida por la familia que tengo, mi esposo que desde muy chicos estamos juntos, es mi otra parte, en las buenas y en malas.El amor es una fuerza poderosa que siempre lo puede todo ..
Estoy feliz, por escribir en este blog y encontrar almas como la tuya.quiero que sepas, que de este lado del mundo, tenes un alma amiga con la que podes contar.De donde sos?
Un beso grande, un abrazo … Clarisa

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elaine October 24, 2009 at 7:41 am

Ohhh, I am so using “Porky Pies” to refer to the lies told by my boss. I have never heard this before. Thanks Catherine.

Love and warmth,
Elaine

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Catherine E.A. October 24, 2009 at 11:03 am

jeje.. i had to ask my mother that exact question ;o)
but no… it is good ole Cockney slang
which uses rhyming..

so another example would be where…
‘apples and pears’ replaces the word ‘stairs’

and it gets a little more complicated where it is rhyming by association.
“to have a butcher’s”
to replace “to take a look..”

and this is because of the butcher’s ‘hook’

for an easier explanation, here’s the wiki link ;o))

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhyming_slang

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Hope October 24, 2009 at 10:20 am

I still dont know what a white lie is. But I have heard some black truths :)

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Montega October 24, 2009 at 11:13 am

hello Annie, i’ve been thinking about the black truths quite a bit due to this weeks topic. They are situations when one thinks ‘please don’t shoot the messenger’ because you yourself are the messenger. – But of course you get shot, for that is the rule of the game.
You know how woman sometimes find out that their husbands are cheating on them after many years, and how deeply humiliated they are because everybody knew, except them.
There have been two woman in my life that meant the world to me, and i didn’t want them to get this humiliated. One was my former best friend, the other my mother. i tried to bring the black truth gently, but there is no gentle way to destroy everything that once felt safe. And i got5 shot. They both chose for oblivion, they just pretend i never told them. Now i see my mum twice a year for a cup of coffie and we talk about nothing personal at all, my former best friend has withdrawn out of my life after 20 years of sharing almost everything. Sometimes the truth is very black indeed.

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Heart October 24, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Brilliant sis! The black truth… nobody wants to hear it. All we want are white lies.

Love you to pieces,
Heart

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Clarisa October 24, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Querida,dulce,Annie,me ha emocionado mucho lo que me ha escrito.Yo creo que en la vida no existan CASUALIDADES sino CAUSALIDADES..por alguna magica razon nuestras almas se han encontrado,querida hermanita.Las almass iguales siempre se buscan,no importa el tiempo ni lugar.Me encamtaria conocer tu historia,tus sueños,tal vez alguun dia me lo contas.Todos podemos hacer magia,esta en el poder interior que llevamos dentro…
Te quiero mucho…Clarisa
te regalo una cancion,Somos Luz de la mary,esta en español

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Clarisa October 25, 2009 at 1:43 am

Gracias,dulce,Annie.Que hermoso lo que decis,hoy cuando pasee,por la playa me acorde de vos,te imagine jugando,y escribiendo tu nombre..y aunque no me creas,pense que eras un angel,dice una cita:,que dios puso en nuestros camino,angeles y le puso el nombre de AMIGOS.Si¡¡¡ las almas se comunican sin importar los idiomas.No se en que pais vivis,pero ahora aca tambien es de noche,estoy con mi Jaz..que tambien es un angel,y le encanto tu cancion,bailaba con ella…Gracias muy hermosa.Soy feliz por que te gusto mi cancion.Te regalo otra Los Sonidos del Silencio(version en español ,la mas linda)Creo que aqui elegimos brillar en la verdad.
Un beso,te quiero,Clarisa…Tenes Facebook,como podemos buscarnos?

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Alexandra October 25, 2009 at 7:27 am

I cant stop smiling. gOOD POINT, aNNIE. tHANKS

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Catherine E.A. October 25, 2009 at 1:13 pm

YEP – possibly so!!
;o)) x

[or rather, bad story-tellers? im not sure?!!]

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Satora October 26, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Annaki,

not all good storytellers are liars…

ena paramithi…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmOg3ZjRrpA

filakia polla,

Satoraki

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Montega October 25, 2009 at 9:19 am

just a little note on everyday magic: my former best friend suddenly called,- only a few hours after i wrote about her here. We talked open and intimately. Our lives are complex and it is sometimes easier to close ones eyes to the truth than to keep them wide open and take a seat in a roller coaster to an unknown future. i understand that now and feel like we are forming a new bond.

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Heart October 26, 2009 at 12:38 am

Likewise!

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tHE RESCUE TEAM October 26, 2009 at 9:28 am

glad this has been a bonding experience Montage

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Daniel October 26, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Nice one me ole china! :-)

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