Telling the Truth is ok. I think we should tell the Truth. But sometimes it hurts. I’m not going to tell someone : “Oh, I hate your dress.” It’s not going to add anything in the Universe and it’s going to make this person very unhappy.
So, in which condition can we lie? I’m counting on your answers.
Thank you,
Paulo
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
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я считаю, что лгать можно,но в определенных ситуациях,например,солгать тяжелому больному и не говорить, что его заболевание безнадежно и он скоро умрет,нужно дать ему надежду. Я думаю ,что солгать можно если эта ложь во благо человека,если она даст ему счастье.Но никогда нельзя лгать в отношениях ,в любви, всегда нужно говорить правду о своих чувствах,даже если это может сильно расстроить его.
I think if you are talking of some day to day things regarding some body’s dress, eating habits or how does one look like , there is no need to speak the truth because that has nothing to do with the truth itself, its only your subjective opinion.Truth , to me , has a broad base in the sense that where it deals with the fundamentals of life , you just cant lie then in order to make some body happy, i would say thats gona be a basic error on your part, and this will lead to making no body happy even you and the other concerned person.
Truth is what that leads to the end and wins, so for the time being if you can facilitate some body with lie, you did not do any thing great , rather you committed a fundamental mistake.
‘Sorry seems to be the hardest word’, as they said. But dont you think telling the truth and making someone cry is the supertough to do? In order to avoid this to happen we tend to lie in every ways. I lied and I lied and i dont think i can stop from lying. But at the end of the day i still believe on the saying ‘The truth will set you free’
What i learned from life is that we have to learn to accept things. Things that are really meant to happen, things that will happen beyond our powerful mind! If we seek for the thruth then expect the pain that you will endure. Learn how to embrace sorrow / grief for that after joy and happiness will come. Telling the truth doesn’t make you a lesser person. But embracing the truth makes you not only a better person but a STRONGER ONE!
i m for the truth and nothing but the truth!!!
BUT, there is here a big BUT in this in my life,cose i find out through life that people dont like to hear the truth all the time,or thay find me as very arogant,or/black sheep/or as some prefer to say/big mouth.So i still dont lie and dont like people to lie me,but i learn to say nothing,or i dont know,or..what do u thing, or as long its ok for u..those kind of asnswers,political answers,that i find less painfull for me..maybe that still counds as a lie,but at least a white one..im always in temptation at first moment to say it as i meen,but the second i thing of my very bad experiance for saying execly what i thing,for the dress, or whatever the situation is..i bite my tounge and find some politic answer,that is everything but the ANSWER, but at least want make any harm to me,for who im and i want be acused of being everything but the real me..
i agree with Omer. it’s better to hold your tongue if u are in the situation wherein u are tempted to lie in order to save ur face or to keep someone happy.
I’m no fan of deceit.
If our lies would not hurt someone, if our lies would not change something in a negative way , if our lies would have a good effect on someone or something,
Can hiding the bitter truth be called a lie?????
..absolutely.
lie..a frustrating behaviour of human being..
Its not a question with one answer! depends on situation but i prefer to say nothing when the truth hurts. but some truth is like medicine one needs even if it hurts it should be told. and silence in that situation is deadly and unfair.
Tell lies if you want, but the truth will always come out.
You will agree with me that,if you love someone from the core of your heart and that person hides something important from you by telling you plain lies in front of you, it will hurt you. But if the same person understand’s you and tell’s you the truth you will ponder upon the subject and find out ways to deal with the problem out of shear love and respect.
IT IS ONLY THE TRUTH THAT CAN SET YOU FREE.
truely agreed with u. lie hurts deep in heart somewhere ..bare truth builds strong bonding..
Ah yes to lie or not to lie that is the question! We all lie…it’s human nature. Whether they are little white lies or big ol’ whoppers…a lie’s a lie. Sometimes we lie, as many of you have mentioned before, to save someone’s blushes or make them feel good or to shield them from the real truth…such as ‘Yes your bum does look big in that!Really, really big, in fact!’ Wouldn’t it be refreshing though, just for one day to be completely honest with those around you, like in the film ‘Liar, Liar’. To have the freedom to say whatever’s on your mind. We could do that now…but we don’t, well most of us don’t and the reason we don’t is because sometimes the truth hurts. If we say how we really feel all the time…then we open ourselves up to other people telling us how they really perceive us.The truth is that the truth hurts. However, if it goes beyond a little white lie to something more sinister or corrupt, a lie that could damage someone’s life, then we must tell the truth. Those lies consume us. In those circumstances, the truth shall set you free.
well, we shouldnt lie, but we do, because in our world for some reason it has become necessary. It is needed when u dont want to hurt another persons feelings; be it for an opinion of a dress or for hidden thoughts you dont wish to share. I believe all humans have the right to be accepted the way they are and another person should never judge others thoughts,dresses, hairstyles or religon.. (etc) but till all humans (including myself) master this acceptance, i guess we have to live with some lies, to make life a amongst others smoother. To live in a world where there is no need for lies is a very beautiful thought; but i fear we still have a long way to till then. If we are even given time till then.
TO live with lies means negativity in life,sharing a bitter truth hurts once in life but a sweet lie contributes constant negativity in life. truth brings positivity in our personality.
A lie which gives pleasure or happiness to someone.. is not lie! hey friend Sara its anobel thaught that to live with some lie ,to make others comfertable.Absolute true world is far far away!
Don’t lie. Never lie. it makes the truth hit harder when it comes out. And the truth always comes out. But I believe there is a way to say things. Instead of saying, for example, “Omg I hate your dress!” you can say, “That’s not my favorite dress on you.”
Of course let us be honest, in our lives it’s butimpossible to always tell the truth. Simple lies or big lies are almost the same in nature…all under telling lies. But what are we going to do, tell straight face to the person your real feelings or ideas even if it means breaking their hearts? There’s always an exception,like someone asks you a simple question in jest, “am I pretty?” can you go straight by telling, of course not…or maybe, it’s easier to tell her,yeah you are. Whatever the case maybe, one can always tell the truth or tell a lie.
Reason is hiding our real opinions.
like me,i do not like the dress that my friend dressed,
it is her relatively well, but personally I do not like that model, and tassels, the color,
while she love it.
What would happen if everyone spoke only the truth, what the world would become?
whether we would be better, happier, saved from the hypocrisy of others?
or much depressed in spirits, because we like to be Animalcule, that we admire and exalt us….
ah that our vanity…
lie is not needed, it is enough to embellish the truth a bit.
for example, do not you tell a friend: oh I hate that dress
but ask:
are you sure that you dress really suits?
is it really in fashion?
if you think that the color is nice?
or simply tell her: you know i don’t like your dress, but if you really feel good in it, carry it further.
dress is of course just an example.
What if I think my friend’s boyfriend is a bad guy.
I will not just tell her: he’s in love whit you, he will do everything for you, love him .
and I will not tell her: he would watch only to abuse you, because it will broke the illusion of love (which could perhaps even become a reality)
but I will ask her:
are you sure he is okay?
Have you analyzed his behavior?
do you have in that relationship that you give more then you get?
are you happy with him?
whether there were any suspicious excuses?….
enjoy whit him, just be careful.
and that is that. you do not need to lay somebody, because of the fear that you would hurt somebody whit the trut you just need to show right way to the person, so she can see everything by herself.
I think we can look at the term lie as ( an option for not revealing what is inside us ) despite the reason…
and here if we come to discuss the reasons….all will be relative…so what is considered to you a lie may not be so the other and vice versa..so dear paolo…you can not count on what any of us think ;-p
the moment one starts approaching life with what it holds from incidences and events as objective and as relative as they really are,it all becomes a whole lot easier to understand and accept.,…
ooops…..have i gone toooo far ?? it seems so…..it was about lies….and now it is about relativity:-D
A lie is a sin.
A white lie isn’t.
For a white lie is only meant as an act of kindness and consideration. However, when it comes to close companions, a white lie is a disloyalty. Your opinion should be trustworthy and from the heart.
lie only makes (some) lawyers have a job to do and sometimes be wellknown and make legal system crippled
truth is high and lie is low, but people do lie, big or small, so people are high, people are low depending on telling the truth or telling a lie
i cant lie !!
neither do i !!!
well… sometimes lying is a good way to solve problems..
Telling the truth on a honest way ,is a real act of Love.
But not everyone has the courage to tell the real truth.
I slept for three day days almost nothing and i felt like
a wreck and there was one friend on the ship were i was working ,he sad me you are looking very terrible,i was not offended by his remark ,he told the thruth and the rest of the crew sad anything, the truth it is like miror you have to accept it and not to ignore.Most of the people ignore it
by proudness.
truth hurts, reality bites how mmuch more the opposite! but we cant just spit it out the truth that easily because of the fact that it might hurt someone right? and if we remain silent, do we think it lessen the hurt. like, what you dont know wont hurt you? dont think so, not telling is much hurtful than lying. once we negate the truth there’s outright hurt in that.
i’d rather suffer in the truth than be comforted with a lie then be hurt as much when i came across the truth! it’s like double jeopardy!
speak the truth, how can you be wrong with that!
truth hurts, so does lies. but why lie if telling the truth wont stop the hurt either?
isn’t it sometimes better to tell the truth and hurt someone than tell a lie?
Like if someone loves you and you don’t, why not tell that person that you don’t? You may hurt that person, but isn’t it better?
You can use a white lie now and again, but to lie and to cause harm to somebody is evil. I’m looking for the lost Word and am hoping to find it soon.
Both my parents spoke with fork tongue and they made me speak with fork tongue. I’m trying to get rid of all my lies and wish to walk in the light where there aren’t any lies anymore but only truth.
Suis ton guide – l’intuition -
Wow I couldn’t have put it better, or simpler, or lighter. That’s it! Follow your intuition. There are no lies or truths once you just ‘know’ what has to be said. Then whatever you say is simply ‘what is needed in that moment, what the universe requires at that moment’.
Haha- there I went and rambled when it’s so simple:
Suis ton intuition.
Thx for your books and blog Paolo!
With love
Truth in the context of morality is a good thing, but too much of it can get the best of you.
xxoo
Yeah but lieing that your dress is awesome…My opinion…is…I would just keep quite…If that’s possible.
Well they say that not telling what you really think is lieing too…This is a hard one…
Well this is my fault. I always just say what I think, just more loyal, or silent. Not necessarily, say: “I hate”, you can say: “do not like …”( and offer your own version). It’s just your opinion. Her right to wear what she likes.
first time write a comment on your post mr.coelho..
well here it is…
a white lie is still a lie…
rather take the truth no matter how hurt it is…
in a context of saying white lie as in “you look good in that dress” because you don’t want to hurt his/her feeling..hmm why not rephrase the sentence… say the truth but without hurting her feeling…say “you look good in that dress but i like you better in this dress…” instead of saying ” i hate the dress” and it will costs her feeling..rephrase is way better.. :)
but we have to tell the truth to someone we care and love dearly…for these reasons:
1. if he/she still wearing the dress because she believed we think he/she look good in it..that means we don’t really care for them..because if we really care for someone we would never want something bad happens to them..(that include other people talking behind their back because of their clothing…)
2. they know we love them so much..and there’s isn’t a lie they wouldn’t forgive…
off course this all will need borderline as in what consider lies that can be forgiven and that couldn’t…
sorry for being so bias of me…
Lies hurt and so does truth..
so if both hurt I think I rather stick to the truth…
i aggree w/ u..f both truth and lies hurt then i’d rather tell the truth…at least u’v done something right…
i think its big different between Courtesy and lies …………i think …that lies all the time have side effect ……in any way ……..but ..the example off dress ….its Courtesy not lie …………….thank you
In which condition can we lie? In the human one. We lie to ourselves and to others all the time. Lies are simple and straightforward tools for survival. Identifying truth, be it your own, that of another, or even of the metaphysical kind, is something far more complex and difficult to define.
Sometimes I feel that telling the truth to any lie I feel I must confess, is really not about the other person. It is about me. When is it OK to tell a lie? I think we lie so much everyday that sometimes we don’t even know when we are really telling the truth. “how are you today?”…”oh I feel great!”. Do I? Probably not. I feel terrible but to prevent any further conversation or admit to myself how I really feel and want to say. But when we do lie, I think most of the time we lie not just for ourselves, but the fact that telling the truth will hurt someone else that probably isn’t necessary. When I feel obligate to tell the truth, its because I know that the honest answer, is the best answer, and the other person should know, regardless whether it hurts them or not.
Lies – what people don’t know never hurts them. So, why tell the truth and cause a whole lot of misery? Generally, we only lie when we know the truth will not be accepted by someone. I feel that we all have the reasons for what we do. No one may understand our reasons. Why should they?
Firstly i won’t lie at any cost because my religion Islam prohibits it at all costs. so i would rather keep quiet instead of lieing but if it is must to say then i would rather say the truth in a diplomatic way or in a rather polite way that the other won’t be disgraced! Becausae when at any other time the other person will come to know about our lie i think he will be rather more hurt than he will be at that time when i will tell him something honestly and truthfully.
When you lie, you take away freedom and no one has that right. Kindness takes away the edge and helps the person not take it personally but: If I don’t like their dress, who cares? Who am I to say that my opinion is the one that matters?
Great idea this, it’s all so pretty. happens all the time
Well, sometimes i do tell truth, sometimes i do not, though truth is very much important, but there are instances that i have to consider the consequences that may arrive by telling it. Or i may say that i` always have the second thought of what will it cause, will it make the situation better or worser. So for me,it`s okay to lie sometiems for a good reason, but if the time asked for it, then we have to say it, in a nicer way that it`ll will not hurt people so much..
I am a truth telling person, but truth is something that is questionable, because everybody sees things diffrently. I think that on serious matters, when unfairness is present, people MUST say the truth. How many times don’t people in power get away with lies that lead to problems, just because nobody dears to say nothing? And they can get mad no matter how absurd what they do, or do not care doing, is and how many lives and living conditions they affect.
More important is to learn how to take critisism in a good constructive way, and to be flexible. To hurt someone intentionally or unintentinally is too easy. Someone might get hurt just because you don’t share their ideas or view on things. I can survive if someone else has an ungly dress. I might have to much fat on my belly or I might not have been shopping for the right shoes.
Faucault said: The truth hurts. He was a homosexual also, and he also noticed those things “we never talk about”, like you tried in the Zahir with the discussion about money. It is not just about taboos, it is those thigs that nobody speaks about.
Some say that we should not discuss sensitive stuff, and believe that if you don’t bring it up, it will go away or dissapear, but it doesn’t – and sooner or later people will get neurotic and God knows what form it will take in society.
How could I haven’t seen this post of yours Paulo?!
Anyway. This is the biggest fight we deal with. Every moment, every hour that a day has we have the possibly to lie so much that if we would want to count the times I think that we would get tired, very tired :P. I still keep wondering on the same thing. If we should lie or not.
Of course there are some circumstances when even if we don’t want to lie we can tell the truth but being careful to not hurt.
You gave a simple example with the dress Paulo, with the dress, but in such cases it is easy to find a moderate answer to that person, so we will not hurt him/her and we will save his/her apparence.
But there are other times when you went to save more than his/her appearance, when you want to save somebody’s happiness, or protect someone that you love from others which you love too.
As for me I usually have always tried to take the risk and say the truth even if that would had costed me, and it has always surprised to me the fact that I was always safe. Lucky? Who knows?
But I can’t take the chance for those I love and really know what is the right thing to be done.
And other example that I had in my life it was on someone I loved the most in my life. She was sick and she didn’t knew how much but they lied to her and kept her with the hope of better days. I didn’t knew aether, but when she was gone I found out about the lie and still I don’t know what would have been the right thing on that case. Letting her living on hope the last three months she had or letting her on despair and worry.
she is gone now, but such examples still are there. And I keep wondering…
I don’t worry about the bad consequences I might get by the truth, but how to deal with the ones we love ?
Engraçado que o tema “mentiras” surgiu nesta semana, e nãó só no seu tema semanal ªLiesª, mas também na missa que fui no sábado (24-Oct), e na catequese para adultos, da minha paróquia, no dia 27/Oct.
Segundo o padre, na missa, mentir é negar a verdade a quem direito de saber, e deu o seguinte exemplo:
“Se o Diogo tirar uma nega no teste e o pai lhe perguntar sobre isso, ele não deve mentir e dizer que teve positiva. Porque o pai tem direito de saber a classificação que teve. Porque? Porque o pai tem o dever de proporcionar ao filho tudo o que ele necessita, incluindo disciplina, para que o Diogo, seja um adulto maduro, com valores morais e capacidade de caminhar sozinho, quando a altura chegar.
Mas se o colega ou amigo lhe perguntar a mesma coisa, ele tem o direito de não lhe dizer nada, pois ao amigo ou colega, a verdade não lhes é devida.”
Pergunto: Quem decide O QUÊ é devido a QUEM?
Na catequese para adultos, o tema era as Virtudes Humanas Cardeais: Prudencia, Temperança, Fortaleza e Justiça; e as virtudes teologais: Fé, Esperança e Caridade.
Significa então que Verdade ou a Mentira, não são, em si, virtude/pecado?
Como disse Buda, a verdade é relativa, e depende do sujeito com quem neste momento estamos a lidar.
Conclusão: em cada momento, se formos Prudentes, Temperados, Fortes e Justos, e se tivermos “Fé, Esperança e Caridade” dentro de nós, saberemos QUANDO devemos dizer O QUÊ (verdade ou mentira) a QUEM.
Obrigada por este tema, porque sempre fui apologista da Verdade sobre todas as coisas, e mentiras levavam-me à loucura.
Hoje finalmente entendi, e sinto PAZ.
Obrigada Sr. Paulo Coelho,
Obrigada Padre Xavier,
e
Obrigada a todos os que, sem saberem, me ajudaram a a ver isso tudo.
I lie to create the impression that I am at my dad’s beck and call. I lie to appear not so strong, not too rich. I won’t lie with myself or with God above. My heart teaches me how to be like a child.
Chieko,
You may call me Lainee :-) It is my father’s nickname for me.
I find it interesting that you would bring up the child and how the child forgives so easily. Do you think our God/Goddesss means this when he/she talks about us being like little children? Forgiveness is the key, but it is so hard as we get older, right? We get kicked around by control freaks and liars. I have been there and I have been filled with much anger in my life. The near-death experience really changed this girl. I do not know why I was allowed to come back, but I thank my higher power all the time for this chance. My eyes have been opened as to why we are here on this world — and forgiveness and understanding and loving unconditionally are the keys to illuminating our planet. I realize that it is going to take quite a few of us to, talk about, write about and especially get out and start loving our fellow beings. You talked about being forgiven or forgiving someone and how it made you feel not only on the inside, but also on the outside. :-) This is the feeling that you want to strive to achieve everyday as you go about your day — your spiritual nutrition :-D It can be achieved with practice. I so wish I could be there to teach you… Right now, just follow some of Paulo’s exercises – especially the ones that teach deeply living in the present – and really observing every little thing. As you are going through them, truly thank your higher power with all of your heart for allowing you the opportunity to help your fellow beings grow in brilliance and harmony.
As far as working with the darker souls, when you meet them or pass by them – try to radiate (Pulse) your spiritual love to them. Yes, they will look at you in a weird way at first, but if you are honest and sincere about your love of the soul, you will be okay. The angels will look after you and be on your side. More than likely the darker soul will not talk long with you, but you will have touched him/her with your spiritual light and that light is an attraction – it is a great feeling – that darker soul will want more and will go in search of it and hopefully be touched and lightened.
Chieko, you are not a dark soul. I can feel it in your writing. Keep praying, giving thanks and above all loving everyone with your entire being.
Love and warmth,
Lainee
Lainee,
thanks! i’ll try!
love magic miracles!
chieko
Namaste,
I don’t really know when lies are okay and when they are not. I just know that I have a good reason when I lie… either by withholding my opinion or softening it to the point of confabulation. I never do anything which I cannot justify, if only in my mind at the time of the doing.
I think the point of the commandment isn’t lying so much as hurting others with our lies… false witness. I think lies about a person’s heath are hurtful, for example. Lies that put people in prison are hurtful. Lies that get between lovers are hurtful.
Love to you
I think it’s better don’t tell anything then lie to the person. Be honest is very difficult. But if person can’t lie and tries to lie it looks very stupid and shameful… If person lies very well it sometimes can save this person, but people are becoming very careful with this person…
For me better is to stay honest, i’m trying to do it.
Acho que temos que ser homens e mulheres o suficiente para dizer a verdade ao próximo.
Abraços grandes.
I call this the third way :
1) you can tell the plain truth (even running the risk of hurting someone and therefore spoiling a relationship …..)
2) you can lie and get along with it by being untrue or dishonest (saying “wao you look gorgeous with that dress” and thinking “Gosh, that’s really awful, what a bad taste!”) that’s POLITICS !
3) you can also not tell the truth and say nothing, avoiding the issue if you’re not emotionally envolved, but if you are and if you have good feelings for someone, if you “care” you can find a way to be tactful and gentle, helping and being constructive instead of being distructive … you can say “this dress is nice but I think it doesn’t underline your beauty, It’s not right for your type” and so on …….
How about it ?
Your writing is sensitive and thanks for your advice, elaine.
I feel. Nevertheless, I can’t just ponder. Because they are not true.
Thank you, elaine.
with my warheart
Supia
*they=chur.
Thank you, the owner.
Thank you for your understanding, elaine.
I think we should either stay quiet or tell the truth. Lies never help. But yes sometimes lies are inevitable, and I would rather lie to make someone smile than to tell the truth and make him/her cry.
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