I was reading a very interesting article about gossip. Of course, gossip is something very dangerous. But at the same time it is used to locate people in this world. Somehow they can establish comparisons, feel better, and dont feel lost. So I’d like to hear your opinion on gossips.
Thank you,
Paulo
DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. BUT IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, POST IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE (PORTUGUES, ESPANOL, FRANÇAIS, ETC.).
I had an aunt called Linda, she was an amazing person, very direct, alive and sometimes extravagant, so a lot of people, included the whole family, gossiped about her.
She used to say this “talk trash, but talk about me”. She never seemed to care what ever people told about her. As long as they talked… She was just to great for the most to understand her. She was a women ahead her time and a beautiful soul she had!
The world is exposed to the energy of pointless babble in hundreds of different languages, when the real language of the words are feelings. Gossip or not, we are all trying to express the true language of feelings through words, but the beauty of feelings can hardly be conveyed at all. The races of the world have been fighting one another for centuries, fighting to be understood, fighting to have their feelings acknowledged. Where feelings are not communicated, there is frustration and fear, which leads to conflict. So,we´d better shut up until we evolve beyond words…
There is a fine ilne between gossip and saying. I come from what’s called the largest village in Norway, due to what most people consider gossiping. But if one actually start to listen to the socalled gossip, it isn’t gossip, it is simply old fashioned saying going on. You know; there is Peter, who is married to Anne, whose cousin who had a baby two months ago, works with your brother, and he is recently made redundant; do you know if your company needs people? It is sharing information, the way it was done before the internet and sms, and it is very rarely maliscious.
Another interesting thing about gossip, is that when drawn into it, it is hard to stop. I have been there, felt constantly guilty, waited for the gossip to reach who te gossiping was about. I finally sought the person up, told the story and appologized. Strangely, it never reached her, which is peculiar in a town lik ours!
I have had a sad experience just this past week because of gossip…I had a friend,a female friend,and even if I’m the first person who makes no difference between women and men,in the case of friendship I trust this sentence: “women are not capable to be friends, they know just love”( Nietzche).one evening I was with a friend of mine and the boy I’m seeing now…we went to see her and when she saw my boyfriend for the first time she had no word,for all the evening she was cold and she asked me nothing…the day after I asked her why she was so strange and she exploded…a big,coloured explosion…she said that I said bad things about her,that I was an hypocrite,that she wasn’t jealous of me and that she didn’t expected that kind of behaviour from me…I said “what have I said?To whom?and above all: whay do you thing I said those things?You didn’t asked me if it’s true…!” she said that I knew and continued to say that she couldn’t believe I said those things…I said that it seemed to me such an excuse because I never talk bad of her,even because I never talked about her with noone!It’s about a month I don’t see her and her friends!!!so the point is: maybe somebody sewed a story about how much I hate this friend and how much I thing she’s jealous…but if we suppose that somebody invented this story…why does she believe in it a priori! So “gossip”(a very false one) destroyed a friendship (and in this case not a true one).
In my opinion, gossip usually has a very negative effect on people. Most of the time when people gossip, it is because they don’t have the strength to look that person or people in the face and just voice how they are feeling.. Gossip is like a contagious disease. It spreads very quickly and once it has started, it is very hard to stop it. Words are extremely hurtful and cannot be taken back once they are spoken. However, we are all guilty at some point of participating in or listenin to gossip. Maybe if we all took the initiative to speak the words we are gossiping about and say them to the individual at hand, a whole lot LESS gossiping would be taking place. A great this to remember is this: “There are four things that cannot be taken back, the time after it is lost, the occasion after it is missed, the stone after it is thrown, and the words after they are spoken.” God Bless each and everyone of us and help us to be a bit more humble.
Too many people spend time gossiping about each other and not enough time working on themselves.
Gossips are people who are very ‘business-minded’..lol … They are very busy minding other people’s business … they may be a alive but they need to get a life…
Interesting opinion, as I find gossips are very, very social people. Some of the biggest gossipers I know, for instance are two Hispanic ladies with a bunch of children, who in fact do not much more than gossip all day at work. Their social need is so huge, they have to sit around and get confirmation of how much they like each other, that they don’t get much else done. Giggles.
I think even NEWS in any form is gossip. The whole Media is gossip.
You want to know what’s going on in your country or other countries.
You wanna know about artists, actors/actreses who is with who what is the next film or song, how good was the best seller book, Oscar nominees and ……. It looks that gossip is a kind of communication these days.
That is a good one.;)
People comprehend gossip as illustration someone with a bad manner… but in fact, gossip is even if you talk about someone positively.
In general, gossip is a sin, whether it is positive or negative opinion, it is however gossip.
Why people do care about spreading gossips… in my opinion, that people like to judge anyone but him… this is the way to satisfy his human needs… the needs which distract somehow from reality.
…
Now you are gossiping about your party in 2010… ;-)
… no we’re not
(and how would you know anyway?)
??? ;-)
a thought…
gossip
the feeling of togetherness of those who don’t participate
Lots of love,
Vicky
Paulo,
Já lí alguns livros seus. Após um tempo, me envolvi com algumas pessoas que se achavam a Intelligentsia daqui da cidade onde eu moro. E com essas pessoas aprendi a criticar e até mesmo censurar seus livros. Porém, viajei um pouco, literalmente; e conheci outros estados no Brasil. Moro no Distrito Federal. E percebi o quão dirente somos, mesmo sendo todos brasileiros. Na literatura fui descobrindo um regionalismo sufocante que acomete a literatura brasileira. Então, cheguei a seguinte conclusão, nessa época não andava mais com a intelligentsia, de que você, sendo bom ou ruim, é talvez o escritor mais universal do Brasil. Sem regionalismos, sem o culto exagerado das culturas regionais. Que no meu ver, impede o Brasil de ser um só país. Um país único.
E acho também que você, junto com seus livros, estão amadurecendo. A magia e força de vontade estão dando lugar à coragem e as circunstâncias. Acredito que, hoje em dia, foi o que eu pude perceber nesse seu último livro, o vencedor estar só, os seus livros estão deixando de ser aqueles livros que as pessoas abrem, lêem algumas linhas, e, ao fecha-lo, o mundo e as pessoas estarão aos seus pés. Como seria bom se fosse tudo assim tão simples e fácil. Porque para mim, não são.
Eu não sei não, mas acho que devo ser a pessoa mais anti-social que já escreveu num blog. Eu não tenho o menor interesse pela vida do próximo, pela vida alheia. O mais bizarro é que sou eu,logo eu, a ” fiel depositária” dos segredos de toda espécie, que as pessoas – mesmo as não íntimas – insistem em me contar! Não sei se inspiro confiança, talvez pelo fato das pessoas sacarem que eu não estou nem ai, não sei! O que sei, é que nunca senti vontade nem curiosidade sobre a vida alheia, logo, não suporto fofocas! Tenho pavor quando toca o interfone em casa, suo frio, tenho palpitações só de pensar que pode ser uma visita inesperada ou coisa parecida. Já cortei o fio do interfone diversas vezes, mas como sou precavida, deixei as duas pontas dos fios prontas para eu conectar e pedir socorro num caso de infarte, incêndio e coisas afins. Assim é também com o telefone aqui em casa. Quando toca, ninguém atende, ou pelo menos eu, sou a última a fazê-lo. Até o toque do telefone me soa impertinente, invasivo, até agressivo! Claro, tenho celular, mas vive desligado. E juro, quando ligo, meu coração começa a palpitar mais rápido na expectativa de um recado pra eu retornar, de uma mensagem de voz, etc. Eu cheguei a conclusão, que sou o tipo de pessoa que poderia viver nos bosques para sempre! Sem contato visual, ou físico com outras pessoas. Mas sem jamais me abster dos confortos da vida moderna; minha casinha tosca feita de toras de madeira bem entalhadas, além de servirem de moradia aconchegante para mim e meus bichos (gatos, esquilos, e todos os bichos mais auto-suficientes, que não demandam muito trabalho, como cachorros – que amo – mas que são por demais dependentes, teria que ter à minha disposição, Freezer (sim, porque iria apenas uma vez por mês à cidade mais próxima) TV e Internet por satélite. Teria um telefone. Mas ficaria desconectado a maior parte do tempo; só usaria em em casos de emergência. O resto, eu despensaria. Pronto! esta sou eu.
“Fui para os bosques porque pretendia viver deliberadamente, defrontar-me apenas com os fatos essenciais da vida, e ver se podia aprender o que tinha a me ensinar, em vez de descobrir à hora da morte, que não tinha vivido.” (Walden ou a Vida nos Bosques, Henry David Thoreau)
(desculpe se me desviei um pouco do tema principal, mas era preciso explicar sob que contexto a fofoca não faz parte da minha vida.
.. you know… Gossip Girl..
i just don’t rise to it these days…
too much the same ole wheel going over the same old stuff. It’s boring, dull. I’m more than that now.
usted es tan bella
I don’t agree with you in this one Dear Paulo. Gossip can be entertaining to the audience, yet not to the individual being gossiped about – it is the smoke and the fire combined which burns and suffocates the individuals. Don’t get me wrong, I did participate in it at some point but when I got affected by it – I realized its cruelty and wrath. There are other modes of entertainment, one should be involved with.
Gossip is natural. Gossip in and of itself is not harmful or helpful and is a transfer of information or news about people. However, it is the human factor , the bias that we add to the actual news that can be harmful. We use gossip as a way of reflecting on ourselves by comparing others around us. Our own self reflection sometimes determines how we will pass on the gossip; our own jealousy or insecurities may lead us to spread harmful gossip of others while sincere joy in others success will lead us to spread good news of others. “her cancer is gone!” We like to be the messengers. Messengers bring a gift. The gift is not good or bad if it is true but it is in the delivery and the receiving of the gift where gossip gets a bad name.
Namaste,
Gossip works on many different levels. As information, it is simply that. Jane Austen called it “news.” She was fond of writing gossips. :-) Gossip as a more sinister level, however, which is judgment. Most of our news stations have taken Jane Austen’s ideal and turned their attention away from information and toward opinion. Murdoch’s news especially. Thus, in America, we have 3 24hour gossip channels instead of investigative journalism. I am not a fan of gossip, so I watch BBC America. :-)
To me, gossip is like that game many of us played as children where we whisper a “secret” in someone’s ear and they whisper it into another’s ear, etc. until the final person in the chain speaks aloud what we hear. Even when gossip is accurate, it is combined with judgment about another’s behavior which I fight against. To me, we were given judgment to guide ourselves, not others. We can look at another as a life lesson which we don’t want to reflect in our behavior, but gossip is usually distorted and a relating of information out of context. I guess as a society, it can reflect its morals, but even there, morality is relative to the human condition. I see very little about gossip to admire.
Love to you
Gossip has always been and will always be.It´s in our genes,it´s built in and humanity would not be here today if it was truly harmful.We always compare ourselves to others,we are made this way.We check others,how do they do things,would I do it the same way or not.You can put it on every level of life,whether it´s fashion,looks,behaviour,politics,you name it…
There was a wonderful german actor,Curd Jürgens,whom I admire very much.He once said “I do not care what the papers write about me,as long as they spell my name correctly!”
Maybe this is the best way to deal with it,because you will never stop it…
I wonder if people will no longer be mad at me if I never gossip again or go to a place where people gossip.
I think gossip is what people did all along since thousand of years.
They tell others what others did or do,
however today due to modern communication media,
due to globalisation effects,
it increases annually into another dimension.
It takes capacity of the mind of everybody.
People are more interested in what others do
as what they would like to do as the world seems to be so hopeless at all.
I am scared about the world. Why?
Oil and gas resources are going to be consumed for the
demand of cars, products and other things which are not essential. Okay they are helpful I agree but not in this dimension.
People only care about themselves.
Human mankind should use all these resources to secure themselves,
to invest in technology, to save the rain forest, to keep animal species alive, to learn from nature. Nature keeps the secret of everything, nature has the key. The day will come when mother earth will be faced with ruin…
Imagine what would happen when a comet will be impacting on this planet in 50 hours. Scientist have overlooked it… Would we have the technology to defend this force majeur?
All seem to be so irrelevant under consideration of such a scenario.
The world needs a new philosophy. The world should combine forces.
Anyhow people usually ignore everything beyond their understanding.
Unfortunately. But I can tell you, Yes we can !
What has all this to do with gossip? Gossip leads to miss the point to not capture the essence…
Dear Yassin,
thank you for sharing your idea.
i was attracted to your comment because you mentioned of the environment issue. and i totally agree with you. but let me understand more clearly. you are saying gossip is not productive so it is not helping any good to improve our current life or next generations’, right? and not only being helpless, it seems like it is making some groups more separate from each other when we need to be more cooperated in order to do something dynamic.
personally, i am more scared of the issue than the financial one. so i am making some effort but…i have to admit that it looks like an unavoidable…
well, but i do think gossiping has a power to spread the words so i hope some smart people would come up with something that can be useful for the environmental issue by using it.
thanks for reading:)
love + blessing
chieko
Reading all these posts, most of them sound extremely alike. Something close to ” Those shallow people, who gossip just to make themselves feel better, have nothing better to do, and oh I never do gossip myself, its just something THEY do”.
My first post, was about how I see gossiping as something fun, as long as its not meant to harm, just asking for news of friends or people you know.
But the majority of the posts obviously don’t agree.
Not that I care, but I find it a bit hypocritical and too self righteous to say that people who gossip are just trying to make themselves feel better, when the people who are comparing themselves to gossipers make it sound like “I am way too good to gossip, I am just better than all these people”.
My main point being, I don’t think that there exists a person who has never ever gossiped, so why claim that you are better than all the rest of us?
Hope I got my point across clearly, and take care people :)
I totally agree with you. Personally, you got your point across clearly and showed me you read between the lines. Your comment is like a gust of fresh air to me. Congratulations.
Stumbled on this today:
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Manual of Warrior of Light n°104 – A Warrior shares with others what he knows of the path
A warrior of light shares with others what he knows of the path.
Anyone who gives help also receives help and needs to teach what he has learned. That is why he sits by the fire and recounts his day on the battlefield.
A friend whispers: ‘Why talk so openly about your strategy? Don’t you realise that, by doing so, you run the risk of sharing your conquests with others?’
The warrior merely smiles and says nothing. He knows that if, at the end of his journey, he arrives to find an empty paradise, his struggle will have been a waste of time.
Yes, dear Jasmine, but this is not gossip… this is sharing YOUR experiences, what YOU have learned.. not about what others learned or did or will do or said or who met etc..
My view..
Love and Graditude
Annie
Annie – you are beautiful!
That is a powerful text you have shared dear Jasmine Starling… thank you – it reminds me of something I failed to remember!
I just want to say ‘HAND BALL!’ since all the papers are talking about it (and I’m Irish!)
May the blessing of light be on you—
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
and warm your heart
till it glows like a great peat fire.
A peat fire is great!
Gossip is an act of fear, an act borne by a feeling of self-deficiency. It’s a form of schadenfreude that makes one feel special while running another down. It generally takes a life of its own while relaying an original observance, fact or occurance. It is geared towards malice and there lies the difference between gossip and spreading the news.
If I like a book, I spread the news. If I hate the author, I spread a gossip:-)
El chisme te aleja de lo importante y te lleva a pensar en tonterias que no vienen al caso y no son importantes para tu vida.
Chismear es perder el tiempo pensando en los demas: q hacen, cuando lo hacen, como, que tienen, cuanto tienen, etc… cuando lo importante es que haces tu mismo con los talentos que Dios te dio y con el tiempo que tienes para vivir tu vida.
Por hora odeio Paulo Coelho. Por favor, guarde os livros de auto-ajuda pra vc!
Oi Paulo,
Parabens por sua democracia. É bom a gente ouvir também aqueles que não gostam do que fazemos. Olhe, escutei todo o “Vencedor está só”. Pena que ouvi falar que não vendeu muito. Talvez se você castigasse no final aquele russo safado o livro teria vendido melhor.
Olhe vou aproveitar sua democracia para lhe dar uma sugestão: Se você tiver um kindle, baixe o livro BOTE VARARI.
Beijos
Eliane
i dont understand anything and I want to die as a result of what is happening to me. If people don’t think someone “belongs” somewhere then they should tell them that before something happens which the person doesn’t understand and someone has been visitng me for a long time without my knowlege who doesn’t belong here, so why is that ok?
Li e gostei.
Olha Eliane, acho que voce deveria receitar o Bote Varari para esta turma que acha os crimes do MST.
Talvez eles junto com o ministro da justiça pudessem entender melhor o brasil.
There are so many kinds of gossip. For example, there is information shared (or purposely “leaked”) with the intention of helping someone who is in trouble. There are times when we share anecdotes or stories about people we have known (without necessarily naming them) in order to illustrate a point. There are instances when we may inquire about someone who is not present, in genuine concern for their well-being…. There are so many ways of talking about people in their absence, which might be interpreted as “gossip.” Many of these are fine, in my opinion. The dividing line between what is acceptable and what is not acceptable lies with the intent of the person who is speaking. Is the intent behind the words of good will? Or is it malicious? Is the motive to share concern or to inform? Or is it merely to be nosy and meddlesome?
As for people who talk about other people simply because they have nothing better to talk about – much in the same way that one might talk about the weather – these people, I find infinitely boring. Given the choice, I’d rather spend an evening alone, in peace, than to be engaged in such tiresome conversation.
On the other hand, my grandmother gossips, and this doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I find it quite quaint and even charming in a way. She doesn’t watch the evening news or read the newspaper, because she doesn’t care what is happening in the next town over, and certainly not what’s happening on the other side of the globe. Her world is small, tightly contained, composed of people whose faces and names and histories are familiar, not just because she knows them, but because she knew their parents, and their parents before them, and so on. She’s a walking encyclopedia of local knowledge about people and their relationships to one another. She knows who lives where and for how long, who lived there before them and why they left; she can tell you who dated whom before they were married and which is the real father of this or that child. She knows much that isn’t meant to be known, and she remembers everything, down to the last forbidden detail. At the same time, she almost never speaks ill of anyone. If she does not like them, she simply says nothing. She does not judge. Or if she does, she never pronounces her judgments. She’s also the first to say, “Don’t go meddling there – that’s none of your business.” When she offers up “forbidden information,” it is for a reason – because, in her mind, the person asking “needs to know.”
I wonder, how might things have been different had my grandmother lived centuries ago, before TV and radio and newspapers? How might her role in that small community have been different? How might she have been respected in her old age, even revered – the keeper of knowledge, the collector of histories.
yup, so its simple, gossip was needed to stay informed, right?
Then people used it may be as a tool for revenge, etc…so it got wrong.time changes perception.
hi,
gossip is necessary because it lets you feel beter about yourself .but sometimes its harmful.it gives you an easy way to make yourself feel beter.Gossip is an easy way to feel that you are better than others “even if you are not”and after a certain time you start believing in that way,which leads to further more complications.
I think a gossip is a way to be a part of something which you don’t belong to. An attempt to be seemed… but no to be. It’s a game with life when one is trying to draw his own world with wrong lines on the dirty sketch… It’s when one can touch only a surface of something and judge with 1% of the real information….
When you talk to somebody about others in a good way it makes people remember good about each other makes them love each other more so in this case gossip is a good thing.
But when the person speak about the defcts or weaknesses of other people it means that he is not satisfied by his own life he is unhappy person.
I read it to come down to earth as i fly high moste of my time ;)
A fantastic platform to loosen yourself, not to take yourself too seriously, neither life, nor your surroundings. If you can gossip you definitely let people see your folly which is good, it’s freedom from proving and correcting yourself all the time. Gossip can happen only if one observes other’s and take notes, meaning one is not extremely self centred up to the level of self obsessed so as not to care about what’s happening everywhere. It lightens the burden on a heavy heart and if done without malice it is a completely harmless activity full of fun and enjoyment.
I don’t know if this is really a gossip, but every shameful person that sometimes not dared to say “I love you” to a man or a woman, can understand and perhaps revive it.
A night, inside in my shell and intimidated by the effect of attraction to a woman, I told a friend that I liked a girl in the group but i did not dare approach her, shortly after, the comment sounded in the mouth of all friends in group and obviously the girl already knew my comment, there was no going back, past the shame … I got 2 presents: 1- Know went to are going to say and especially to whom, 2-That gossip is transformed into a love relation of 6 years, and today still enjoy it.
Awww, that’s sweet.
hihihi, ty dear kathleen, big kiss ;)
Gossip could be of two things; negative or positive. The sole gossiper holds the key for the destruction or build up for a person.
Pienso que el chisme es algo muy negativo, asi sean chismes “bien intencionados” porque siempre se suele decir verdades a medias o mentiras destructivas. SINEMBARGO yo lo he practicado un sin numero de veces y lo he disfrutado PERO siempre me arrepiento porque se que no lo debo de hacer y si se practica muy frecuente se vuelve adictivo.
Pienso que el chisme trae mas concecuencias negativas a las personas que lo practican, que de las que se habla.
I don’t participate in it and I don’t like being the recipient of hearing it- I usually walk away from it rapidly as it makes me feel nauseous. The majority is untrue and a time waster- we could be doing something more constructive in the world, like helping people, healing and thinking of creating beautiful things. I keep well away from those who are renowned for it. I prefer peace of mind and freedom.
As long as it is harmless, I believe gossip is a kind of a need for people. But the difference between harmless and harmful gossip should be taken into consideration. Like, when you meet with your really close friends, I don’t think there exists a person that does not gossip. It is to have fun, not to hurt other people. But when it starts to hurt other people, then you should know your limits, and you should be able to stop. I believe the limit is the most important thing in gossiping. It is banned in Islam religion and considered as a very big sin. As a follower of this religion, I still do gossip, in a way that is harmless as it can be, and with people that I
Gossip can be harmless,getting to know others,finding out they share things with you.I think it is mostly negative nowadays.A way of others joining forces above others.A game of oneupmanship.I have had the most stupid rumours spread about me and I didn’t worry because I thought they were so stupid nobody would believe them.But imagine my surprise when I was shunned by a whole neighbourhood.I was stunned that anyone could believe such stupidly made up stories.But they were believed and I was made aware that those around me were more stupid than I could ever imagine.I still find it amazing.
Pauloooo meu querido amigoooo… Não tenho participado das discussões e questionamentos, mas nào deixo de passar aqui toda semana para acompanhar… Você é minha homepage… Mas no momento tive que eleger outras prioridades para seguir o caminho que escolhi. Mas apenas para constar.. vi suas perguntas e a menção sobre a Festa de São José de 2010. Tenho acompanhado os fóruns e as discussões, mas apenas no sentido de me fazer refletir… não tenho lido as respostas dos demais participantes… enfim… Passei aqui apenas para dizer que o SEU lugar no meu coração está bem cuidado e atualizado e que meu pensamento É contigo todo o tempo!!!! Abençoado seja, meu querido MESTRE. AMO VC…
Beijos (simples, singelos e amorosos) aqui do sul do Brasil ;-)
PATRICIA RUDECK
HI PATRICIA RUDECK, I am going to try to translate your comment!!
LOVE to you in Brazil,
Thelma xxx
Patricia meu querido amigaaaa… ;)Beijos, Paul
- gossip – an overflow of words when you are delirious.
how well put, excellent I love this one
thank you marlene, I enjoyed visiting your site, I learned a lot from it.
We should be grateful to Gossip!
When I was doing my research project on evolution, I learnt that one of the big reasons why human beings are at the stage where they are is gossip. We gossip so much (1/3 of our conversations are gossips) that we know of many dangers and so we know how to invite it.
Thank you for making this point Usman Shehzad! ‘Positive gossiping’ must not be mixed with ‘Negative bullying’.
Love & Admiration,
Heart
Really?
So, gossiping is a trait that is evolutionary advantageous?
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I work in a big organisation and red the article Mr Coelho posted about gossip few weeks ago and can relate to it.
But in my private life I try to not be involved in gossip sharing. It is one of the hardest thing to NOT do if you are aware of it and really try to let be. I believe to talk about peoples best qualities always and not add anything negative/harm to universe myself.
fazer uma fofoquinha de vez em quando é bom, afinal sou brasileira kkkkkkk, mais com cuidado bjs
Gossip-порождает как поэтов так и вампиров.
There is one way perhaps that I can see gossip as good.
Let’s take a strict society where social norms are extremely suffocating and limit opportunities for expression. Then of course, gossip is going to be a fun moment of social exchange because barriers are being bridged [even if albeit momentarily] and people are relating to each other, rather than peering over walls
;o)
Just keep the subject topic clean and friendly… that’s all it takes to be ‘nice’.
Mirando el chisme por el lado positivo tengo una anecdota que contar. Un dia mi esposo me vio leyendo una revistas de chismes de la farandula y el me pregunta. Porque pierdes el tiempo leyendo esa basura? Yo le respondi porque es tantas las estupideces y la basura que esta revista dice que me causa mucha risa y asi me distraigo de las noticias malas y realmente preocupantes del mundo.
Gossip is a thing which should be avoided always.It benefits nobody but may create a major impact on the life about whom the gossip is made.
Thank you…beautiful.
Gossip to a certain degree is healthy…but it is surely dangerous when it starts hurting the sentiments of other people :)…I’d recommend healthy gossip
Gossip is only a medium to express yourself. Good or Bad doesnot lies on the medium , it depends on how you llok at it . You have the choice to make it good or bad.
Hello 2 everyone! Just imagine the world without gossip … it would probably be kinder … purer … gossip is kind of dirt … & everyone is involved in it, if one lives in the society …
I think that you kind of sell yourself if you commit to gossiping. Gossip is rarely something positive. It is often used to control other people, the ones who are gossiped about. Gossiping is somehow like weaving a spider’s web, in which all of us get caught in. If we refrain from gossiping we become more free.
You wrote us today that “when people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other”
I think that except from fun people like gossips for two reasons…first because they can find comfort in similar stories with their own and second because they need to imitate and this way to feel accepted by society.
But the worst about gossip is that we dont stay on the facts but we put our personal opinion or we judge someone for his actions…we are like the people who were throughing stones to Maria Magdalena…we judge to feel superiors…
Here, i share the same views as that of Buddha:
“What is evil? Killing is evil, lying is evil, slandering is evil, abuse is evil, gossip is evil: envy is evil, hatred is evil, to cling to false doctrine is evil; all these things are evil. And what is the root of evil? Desire is the root of evil, illusion is the root of evil.”
love love love to everybody.
<3 <3 <3
tc.
Buddha is quite a clever chap :)
haha…yeah.
Clinging to “false doctrine” is evil. So then, clinging to “true doctrine” would be good? But wait a minute! (By “doctrine” I’m assuming you mean “dogma.”) What is dogma if not just another illusion? – An illusion motivated and perpetuated by the human desire to organize, systematize and “make sense” out of that which is beyond our comprehension – the desire to make life neat and orderly, to create rules and set limits, to deny chaos in all its beauty.
I’m just giving you a bit of a hard time. Please don’t take it personally. I’m trying to grasp it, but I’m thinking that maybe I missed or perhaps misinterpreted something.
ummmm…fasle doctine to me is….something i’m told to follow but my by heart doesn’t wanna go that way…simple, so yeah dogma.
Buddha also said that if something you hear doesn’t seem right to you there is no need to believe it, even if it was said by him.
illusion, is the world we create with out mind, our ego, not the way our real self, our soul knows it…so, gossip, etc are created by our minds.When we see the world from the eyes of the soul, when we see it with love, with an open heart, considering everybody as one with us, gossip seems stupid, at least to me.
And, yes, so….i dunno, m pretty jaded now, so i will just write down my interpretation of the statement so u understand what i mean…
one thing, i….am still trying to understand desire, so, some say it exists to motivate u some say it is of no use.i will have to see.
illusiion:
Illusion is our mind trying to decipher things, make sense out of it and rationalize it, illusion is our desire to be in control of everything around us, this stupid illusion, causes us to kill, talk evil, lie, abuse, and even do as everybody does, by clinging to the “false doctrine” just because everybody does that, but not once listen to what our heart our soul is telling us…and go on n destroy n waste one life, and keep on darkening the world around us.
And true doctrine, is that which u learn on your own, you don’t need anybody else to teach you that, its there inside of you, you know it, its love.
i hope this helps, i am super surreal (:
Hola Paulo,
Una inquietud tuya, el “chisme”. Yo pienso, el chisme
es un veneno escondido, que no se injecta directamente
a la gente, más bien, es un veneno que con rodeos
tibios llega al perjudicado. En cierta forma aquel que
propaga el chisme y aquel que lo recibe son dos sujetos
que de alguna forma mantienen una relación indirecta,
que están unidos por un hilo invisible donde el uno se
siente omnipotente y el otro humillado. El chisme es
una palabra, una frase, un libro dentro del cual la
verdad agoniza. El chisme deja de ser un suenio para
ser una pesadilla escondida, pero está presente aunque
el mundo pretenda no mirarlo. Yo personalmente prefiero
cambiar en la palabra “chisme” solo dos letras y
escribirlo “charme”, eso sería mi mundo ideal, un
puente através del cual encontrar personas y
encontrarme a mi mismo.
stban
talking about persons who are not present..actually very bad manners
It depends on who the person is, and what the gossip is. I think I’ll not yield much to it, but it might hurt those loved ones around us, and that’s really bad for us.
Creo que el chisme esta basado en el juicio. Juzgamos a traves del cotilleo. No estoy de acuerdo con esta práctica porque es desagradable para otros, ensucia reputaciones y trae consecuencias funestas. La palabra tiene un gran poder; hay que usarla para el bien… siempre. Recuerden: la rueda que más suena es la que peor trabaja… No es lo que entra por la boca lo que hace mal al hombre, sino lo que de su boca sale, pues del corazón prodece… Si al hablar no haz de agradar, te resultará mejor callar.
Y en definitiva, si somos victimas de las habladurías mi recomendación es la siguiente: revestirse de teflón para que nada se nos pegue..!
Que los guerreros de la Luz les acompañen.
Zoila ; )
I was feeling like having fun with it, spreading some insane gossip, like I was crazy, or Paulo smokes crack. Joke! Gossip is such a joke, small minded people trying to feel better about themselves. Feeling below others so much, they relish the feeling of being on top. So help me God I will remember the wise words of Wayne Dyer I believe who said people who try to define you are incapable. They are only defining themselves as people who need to label others. Anyway, Peace be with you all and the gossipers too, if it were possible.
No a lugar para los chismes.
Si lo que vas a decir no es útil, no es verad, no es de interes para los que te escuchan será mejor que te cayes. Las palabras crean y destruyen, son el arma más potente que tiene la Humanidad. Utilizar las palabras es poner en marcha los pensamientos, cuidar los pensamientos y por ende las palabras será la clave para la Humanidad de Hoy.
Un beso Paulo
it is easy to call people “dim” when you have been given inforamtion that they have not. I do not understand what these posts about because I have been the victim of gossipping many times and I have done it but in response to something that someone has done to me. If they have not done it I would not have gossipped. Whatever gossip i may have committed must have been inadvertant and whenever i tried to communicate with anyone they were very secretive. I beleived in what I was doing, if it was false I had no way of even imagining that was possibel and would not have done it if i knew it was false. If someone gave me the false gossip then I think that is a bad person, but i deserve to know why i am hated so much (although I have never figured that out in previous situation becaue it tends to happen without me even opening my mouth or typing with my fingers
Dear violated,
Nobody here hates you. Your name and writings tell that you have been trough a lot of bad stuff. i imagine it hangs about you like a dark cloud and that makes it tough for people to show kindness and even tougher for you to see it. But you are doing the right thing: you show who you are and where you stand in life. Imagining what ‘violated in the worst way’ could stand for is appalling, everybody likes a good news story and preferably turns his back on bad news, such is human nature, but that never means that you are rejected or hated.
Judga siempre por lo que veas tu y no por lo que te digan otros, pueden estar equivocados. Y mejor si puedes no judgues y no serás judgado.
Un abrazo
Pero aunque veamos algo no se puede juzgar porque no necesariamente todo lo que vemos es cierto. Las apariencias engañan y es ahi donde comienza el chisme.
It is not nice being gossiped about especially if it is false.My dear violated,As one who has been violated in such a way as you have.All I can say is that your goodness is seen as threatening.Please don’t let others destroy it.Seek instead those who will understand.Not always easy..But I believe we shall find if we seek xxlove and peace upon you xxx
Funny, just read the four agreements by don Miguel Ruiz which has three or four pages on gossip.
it may be a way to situate yourself in a world, but not the one I’m live in. It’s a social addiction.
gossips are like weeds, they can suffocate plants in your garden and stunt their grow but they also have a healing effect. It is good to maintain your garden so that it remains viable for everything that grows and blooms in your garden.
Weeds will always be there,… everything has its worth and values.
I do not like gossips and yet I try to accept that they are like the weeds in my garden.
Yes, I am responsible for what flourishes in my garden and I make sure that my fruitful harvest may be shared with all…
with love
Hildegarde
xxx
So lovely, loved the images Hildegarde. I feel the same. Cordially, Jojo.
nice picture Hildegarde, you know what’s weed and what isn’t , that’s whats counts
The weeds are usualy the ones that even the snails won’t touch
Like the LIttle Prince who every morning he had to clear his planet, to remove the baobabs, who resembled flowers when they were small..
but when one neglects them they can suffocate our planet -soul, so we should remove our ‘weeds’-baobabs of the soul every day, before they get big..
it is very healing when cleaning our planet, :D
Love you LIttle Princess
Annie
not younger, pretter
and pretter = younger
Gossip-введение в реальность или вывод из.
Funny how life is sometimes!!!! Last night, had a new client and you know what? She left work 2 weeks ago in tears and was ordered by the doctor a leave of two weeks. (Oups, here I am gossiping I think … but for a “good” cause!) Let me continue. She returns working but something tells her that she needs some kind of help because she is confused. The problem concerning her job “for her” is that she is surrounded of gossipers that gossip about her chief, and by the way her chief gossips about her chief and her employers. Funny but all of them go gossip to her!!!! Ok, in this case, clear that gossips has a negative effect on her. Could have condemn the gossipers and went on to speak about the negative effect of gossips, tell her to stay away … by the way, that is what she is doing (dining alone, not attending parties, fleeing when one approaches. She needs help and all she sees as a solution is leaving the job. But then, she revealed that her last two jobs were the replica of this one. Clear for me that life brings her there another time until she finds out what she needs to find out. Now, why is there that she lets the gossipers come and gossip to her so easily? They have a place to go! And that freedom she gives them to gossip makes her now sick? How come she let that be. By fear of making waves, of hurting more the chief that is hurt enough that others if she expresses her personal needs concerning the job, fear of being rejected by others if she says she is not at ease to hear them. She isolates herself, by fear of having them come to her and gossip. Could debate and put all the blame on the gossipers, but are they the one responsible for her being sick now, or are they elements brought by life to permit her to grow, an initiation thing like? In reality, she is put before “humans” not responsible for their lives, their needs, defensive. Acceptance of the situation that you cannot change (the others). Putting the lenses on her brought her back to how she is not confident, has low esteem, is afraid to make waves if she expresses her limits to the others (as a child her father would burst and be violent). She realizes that the gossipers at work are humans that just have difficulty also to express, put limits, be responsible and they fall into schemes, and since they do not find the solutions, they pass their anger, frustrations by gossiping and the receiver receives them wide open, with a smile, kindness, not giving importance to how for her that behaviour does not solve problems and makes her unease. Being now more sensible to her, and aware that she was in part responsible in maintaining that energy (since no expressions and no limits, listening without talking), she understands that she can give less power to the gossipers and instead of bathing in negative energy and loosing her vital energy, she is now determined to focus on her needs and to respect who she is by having the courage to tell them that relation is important for her, that she wish to be in relation with them, but for her in order to be there, she will not accept that they talk about the superior in her absence and wish them to take care of their problems in another fashion, like she decided to do, with respect. And yes, she is aware that she is risking becoming the next one to be the subject of gossip but she is ready. She wants peace. So, before rejecting or let’s say choosing not to be with them if they do not respect her limits, she will exist first. One step at a time. So for me, in that case, those gossipers are humans who do not seem to find the solutions to express in front of an authority (power) and they look like kids in school talking about the schoolteacher. I have no difficulty saying that gossiping is hurtful and negative, not a solution, but that does not bring me to judge the one that gossip, the soul that is trapped, the one that is blind. I am just sensible of his inability to exist freely and be creative. What is there is I have no doubt that gossip is something that hurts but even for me in my life I grew because of that hurt and growing and growing brings more and more love for myself and for the other. They are in the dark, searching for light the wrong way. And again, in that gossip, we understand the essence: A superior at work that has an attitude that frightens the employees, employees that because of fears are not capable to express and they have that “exutoire”, gossip, to empty all the frustrations that accumulates … and maybe my client will be the one that will have the light that they need. So, when in relation with people that gossip, I tend to listen and find out what is beneath and then exist, staring with me what it does for me, etc … If I choose to leave, I will exist and tell why I am leaving, because I am not at ease in that kind of energy, but they will know, because I am sensible to a soul that is lost. Cordially, Jojo.
Hello Johanne
That usually happens very often. It is therefore not easy to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. Being well and to like everyone, there are diferent point of view and the more evil-minded is a person, any conduct by another person who supervises, you can interpret in their own way of seeing things. True irespectar no limits to the image of another person.
In my case, I resigned from my current job because I was not given the opportunity to grow. It is very difficult for a person to develop in this company, because they take much into account the opinion of the supervisor. HHRR Even the manager, gives an example of that in 24 years working for the company, has climbed three positions only.
They take things personally!!!
True and light,
Aloha!
I make a difference between rumours and gossip. Gossip to me is the smalltalk about others, who often do no harm and is based on observations and experiences, perhaps with a questionmark. “Why did he or she do that?” which can inf fact help raising awareness of one’s behavior.
Rumours however is to me, fabrications or exaggerations, often completely false and designated to harm another; which can become a lethal weapon for both professional and personal relationships.
The best way to decrease both the gossip and the rumours is of course to have a dialogue directly with the person appearing, but for some reason, people seam to lack courage to ask the tough questions and answer them truthfully.
/Alexandra
i grew up in a small town i Northern Germany, more a village. In our street every child knew not to go visit old Bert. He was a thief! Everybody knew that. Then one day my grandmother took me along to see him, she had cooked too much as usual and was bringing portions of Puffert, pears and vanilla sauce to her neighbors and today also to old Bert. i was silent until we were almost at his backdoor. Then i tucked at her sleeve and asked if we couldn’t leave it standing in front of it, just pretend he wasn’t at home. Grandma wanted to know why and i said, he’s a thief, you know…. She walked into the backroom and into the kitchen were Bert was having a cup of tea. We were offered one and she kindly accepted. They chatted about the news and i looked around wondering what stuff i saw was stolen. Then suddenly she said, there still is this rumour about you Bert, about you being a thief. He smiled at her and his big old head bobbled up and down. He must have been in his sixties but he looked ancient with his pants high up on suspension belts. Yes – during the war, i stole potatoes and sugarbeets from the field, he smilded, those were the days huh Erna. She smiled back at him, yets thanks to you we had a meal. That was all she said, but it was also all that was needed.
This is a good story and reminds me of my own experience of living in a small town. One thing that I didn’t like about moving to this town was that no one got a clean slate, everyone seemed to be labelled already because of gossip. More than one man was said to be a womaniser by my gossiping friends, more than one person was said to have slept with most of the town. I was informed of everyone’s terrible deeds and transgressions.
I stayed in the town for two years and never really let my guard down lest my secrets become broadcast to the masses. And I certainly didn’t sleep with anyone from the town! Perhaps my friends were trying to save me from the town womaniser by telling me everyone’s dirty secrets but really, I’m an adult and I would have worked things out for myself.
This whole experience has convinced me to limit my discussions about other people to positive things.
hello Rosa,
your small town experience triggers quite another story of my own again. You know how in the 70’s people started to live in communes, some small, some bigger. Well, some of them are intact still and have developed, people changed from hippie ideologists to very much the same everyone else became: a mish mash of oppotunistic go-gooders. At the borders of Rotterdam is a big commune, called Centraal Wonen, when my daughter was about to learn to walk i moved there from the center of town. I came into a community in which ‘gossip till you drop’ was the motto. Within months i had heard the most personal stuff people elsewhere preferably sweep under the carpet. The nice thing was that the ones the gossip was about would be sitting in on it, smile and nod approvingly: it was their scars of the battle that were shown: they had been foolish, they had been bad, but they had lived through it with the help of their friends and neighbors and what they had to show for it was worth the showing.
Living there for 5 years changed me tremendously. i had aways been in hiding, scared as i was that i wouldn’t be accepted for who i am. i realized there that by hiding i was erasing my life, that the lessons i had leanrned would be worthless if i didn’t share them.
The effect of living in that small a community was quite contrary to what happened to you. i opened up and showed my true self for the first time.
i left that little island about 4 years ago when i began to feel suffocated by the sefservingness and the lack of input, but still – the people there tought me a most important lessons: gossip becomes story telling when you manage get the nasty bite out of it, and storytelling is healing for the soul.
Montega,
Sorry, I didn’t know how to reply to your comment so I will reply here. I think that is interesting and I’m glad that you could interpret the experience positively. But then your community may have been a positive place to be anyway for other reasons.
In my case I just got paranoid that all of my actions were being scrutinised and to be honest I didn’t want to know about other people’s dirty laundry either. I just wanted to meet new people and not have all this rubbish I had been told to pop into my head.
I understand your point however about perhaps facing up to the past and learning from it.
Rosa
hello Rosa,
yes, it was a very protected place. Like a warm blanket; heart warming at first, smothering in the end. Now i’m glad with the relative anonimity of the city center again, – every big city becomes many villages after a few years – and there is always someone one knows.
Bonjour! Liked to read all your comment, Alexandra. Jojo.
Think there is good and bad gossip just like everything else
Much Love Tina
Eu tenho uma úvida que não tem nada haver com o assunto – fofoca-.
Mas se alguém puder me explicar, ficaria feliz. – Ainda mais se o próprio Paulo Coelho o fizer – ..
O que o Deus Cornífero – representado por um homem de barba, com casco e chifre – e a Deusa Mãe tem haver com a Nossa Senhora?!
Bom… Pois é a esses deuses que a religião Wuiccana adora não é!?
Alguém pode me explicar, gostaria de entender! – por favor Paulo Coelho -.
If we all were like open books, there would be nothing to gossip about!
I like the image of the Three Wise Monkeys:
See NO evil
Hear NO evil
Speak NO evil
So Gossip for me, is a No-No-No.
Mahatma Gandhi’s one notable exception to his lifestyle of non-possession was a small statue of the three monkeys … and he was VERY wise.
Also from the Analects of Confucius: “Look not at what is contrary to propriety; listen not to what is contrary to propriety; speak not what is contrary to propriety; make no movement which is contrary to propriety” (非禮勿視， 非禮勿聽，非禮勿言， 非禮勿動).
is ALSO very wise.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_wise_monkeys
Dear Pandora, I always thought the three monkeys were related to Mafia, I guess I was really naive. Thanks for enlightening me.
Love
Alexandra
Thank you Pandora! Regarding the three Monkeys I thought that they were guiding us to learn how not … to Judge and/or how to keep a secret! But also it may be a good lesson from a … Lawyer: I did not see anything, I did not hear anything, I say nothing! NO EVIDENCE, NO CRIME! It may refer as Alexandra says, to …. the Mafia’s or … Mason’s secrecy and LAW OF SILENCE.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
You know, gossiping once was a felony. You could get publicly punished for it!
For centuries gossiping, ill speaking and slander were considered as the 8th deadly sin. Even simply talking too much and babbling along were considered sinful. The 8th sin? Right next to killing that is! But gossip can kill, especially in hour age where the power of the word is so strong, stronger than ever maybe.
I once owned a little leather bound book that I can’t find under my bed now anymore. It had behavior rules for woman in it and dated from something like 1640 or 1650. I was absolutely shocked to learn how gossiping woman were brought to reason back then: they would get something like a mouth cage put on and apparatuses that held their tongues.
Since the book was gone I Googled and found the most amazing information on how ill speaking tongues were treated; As if it were the fault of the tongue itself and nothing to do with the mind behind it.
Bettina Lindorfer provides us with a haunting image of a ill speaking woman who has to wear a donkeys mask and is chained for all to see outside her house. ( http://www.fu-berlin.de/presse/publikationen/fundiert/2001_01/2001_01_lindorfer/index.html)
There actually is a Saint to turn to for husbands with their worries about their gossiping wife’s: Saint Babille or Babillia. This saint is not to be mistaken with St Babil, who is a man and serves other purposes (or is he a she? Time changes so much, why not gender?) They both have their feast on the the 24th of January. In Arragon St. Babille is still celebrated today with a women’s festival, when they invite the men to have chocolate.
What did St. Babille look like? I couldn’t find an image of her, only the description of one small carving underneath a coir stall in the little church of Sainte Maurille in Pont-de-Ce. Sainte Babille is depicted as a woman with a padlocked mouth. Husbands prayed to this Sainte Babille for a padlock to silence their wifes. (A history of woman in the west, on page 228, http://books.google.com/books?id=a4_DzyOA514C&pg=PA228&lpg=PA228&dq=saint+babille&source=bl&ots=__CO7b8T0i&sig=55H-skZJV0RdDOP2IC_lD3p1zyo&hl=nl&ei=t2cCS5LTI8LI-Qa504wV&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CA8Q6AEwAQ#)
Babil is also a middle Eastern baby name, (babynames.com) meaning Gate of God, renowned for wine and magic and referring to the East in general.
That brings to mind the province of Babil in Irak that is often mentioned on CNN because of the many troubles there.
Babil – Irak – I had to think of Babylon and the tower, that had failed to be built as people suddenly talked in many tongues too, didn’t it.
Babel in the East appears to be a word without much emotion attached to it and quite respectable as a name in fact, here in western Europe it is loaded with emotion and has been for centuries.
Somewhere in between has to be a breakline and I think it must be behind Milano, as in Milano there still stands a church devoted to Saint Babila. Here the feast of Saint Babila is celebrated since 24 December 1387. The church is much older though. In the 4th century it was probably erected over a pre-existing Roman temple dedicated to the Sun.
The sun? referring to the sun is referring to the East and brings to mind Babil and the baby name list; And indeed: it is said that in proximity to todays eastern gate of the church the ancient Romans had placed the statue of the Sun.
I looked up babbel in my etymologigal dictionary and found out that it is a very old word as it sounds alike in so many languages: latin: babulus and babellare; in French: babiller, in Polish: paplac; in Russian:balabolit; in Italian: babollare; in Greek babázein and in Sanskrit balbūthá-h; – which brings us right back to the East and Babylon and it’s tower. What a wonderful world.
So there we are: gossiping is as old as the world and people have always been bothered about it. There is one thing though that amazes me: why is it always woman that seem to be the ones that use their tongues in all the wrong way?
(I got the flu, otherwise I wouldn’t have had the time to look it up)
To be honest, i think gossip is something that is addictive. It is a way of bringing us closer to others, by sharing information we have, and receiving information about people’s private lives. Whenever someone tells me any gossip I feel privileged that I am trusted enough to be told the gossip. I do not necessarily spread everything i hear but I admit that I do like to hear about other peoples’ lives, sad as it may sound. Although I feel happy to be trusted, the more gossip I hear from the person the less and less I trust them. I like people to trust me even though i will never trust those people that gossip because I know I am not the only one they are gossiping to.
I think that gossips are made by those who have nothing to do. i am so occupied with my own problems and have no time to spread rumours about others.
Alla
http://www.allasobirova.com
Gossip always makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when it is negative. In fact when people I know start gossiping about someone else it i very illuminating because we only ever see in others the mirror of ourselves. So I get to hear how they are judging themselves, what they don’t like about themselves and sometimes even the beauty and talent that they won’t accept that they have.
Another thing I realised, through personal experience, is that gossip always effects the person being gossiped about. A few years ago now I was involved in an unsuccessful business relationship that left me feeling drained of all creativity. Some time afterwards another friend told me how the person involved regularly gossiped about me, putting me down. My experience was of being completley drained of energy and becoming very reactive to the person involved and not understanding why. In some respects it could be described as a mild form of a curse.
We are far more powerful than we realise and even a basic understanding of quantum physics demonstrates how we effect one another, even when we are not in contact, simply by our intention. For that reason alone, I do not participate in gossip.
Rebecca
Querido Paulo,
Eu acho que a fofoca tem sempre um tom negativo pelo fato de ser falada por trás. No nosso dicionário em português ela quer dizer fazer mexerico ou pequenas intrigas. Eu sempre tento desviar e não render assunto a uma fofoca.
Beijos
Dear all,
After reading all the comments from top to bottom, My curiosity led to to search for the keyword “Gossip” in Online Cambridge dictionary. It reports that, gossip is-
“conversation or reports about other people’s private lives which might be unkind, disapproving or not true”
Now, by the definition itself gossip is negative.
Gossip about celebrity or your friends
and family
its negative when you are talking
behind
for those who matters
or do not matter
in eternity
face-face, the way you express
is far better than
behind your back
to praise
good if listener
comes out satisfied
bad if listener, gets disqualified
is bored with your gossip/cries
“go” and “sip”
gossip, isn’t it?
asking myself
if i ever did
well, maybe
but who cares?
when it was for
sharing
emotions and feelings
do you intend to harm while gossiping?
maybe involuntarily
does not matter
so much
to be like talkative
a reason for an excuse to
start an conversation, maybe
relationship is long journey
better if shared face-face
behind
someone’s back could be little too funny
so,
“go” and “sip”
it is just funny
gossip should be positive
and delightful
in long journey
God bless you all !
My dear Santosh,
In principle I agree, ‘Zero tolerance for gossip’. Your ‘go’ and ’sip’ brings back my stay in Dublin, where we went to the pub almost every night for one year, to the extent I started to feel the ’shakes’ if I didn’t go one night, and in fear of becoming an alcoholic, was glad when I returned to my home country.
The thing about going to the pub was, we were all sitting around laughing about incidents from the college where we worked, laughing about the kids, the teachers or the principle or whatever. And to me, it was the best therapy I have had ever! We could vent problems, and annoyances, and we could share opinions about work and community. Yes, it was very critical to call a teacher with long neck ‘giraffe’ behind his back, or another teacher ‘bubble’ who always looked freezing cold and always wore his heavy anorak, we pretty much had nick names for all the one’s not on ‘our team’ and were rolling around laughing. Sometimes we would wonder, does he know EVERYBODY calls him ‘giraffe’? Sure it’s mean, but hey, I had fun, and hope I didn’t contribute to bullying. I believe it was well meaning social fun, on behalf of those not present!! Cowardly. Ha!
Love & admiration,
Heart
PS Tried to download text from your new poem book, and got the intro. Great work as always! Yr my favorite poet from Himalaya :)
Dear Heart,
Thank you so much…, I could not agree more.
Thank you and looking forward to put your valuable review in the revised book and send it for distribution.
For others,
Please see the link below, you can find the seventh book, free to download and read. I will appreciate if You could possibly give me feedback on Paulo’s blog here-
http://kalwar.com.np (Please click on the image of the book)
Here is another link-
http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/yet-another-book-of-poems/7923747
Thank you all for the great inspiration ! :)
God bless you all !
Santosh, I agree whole-heartedly! Beautiful words as always, thank-you.
With love, Daniel
Have you heard the news? They’re just like you!
I know, I know, oh I knooooooow!
Hard to believe isn’t it?
They SAY he’s just looking for happiness, can you believe it?
And she’s been hurt before, what a scandal!
Have you heard? Did you hear?
And what about his friend, the tall one?
They say he was sad last year, and lonely. Bordering on despair!
Isn’t it dreadful!
Oh, and before I forget!
A friend of a friend mentioned it to me,
They’re all just learning.
Can you believe that?
Learning what I ask you?
Its bloody shameful!
Oh, I know!
Hi Daniel,
Yes it’s bad. On the other hand, it shows interest in other human beings too. As Thelma said below, all critic is good critic, or something like that.
Love & admiration,
Heart
Hi Heart,
The shameful line is part of the dialogue of the gossip, and I’ve only just understood what I meant by it. People who gossip are often condemning or judging the very traits that define people’s humanity; their successes, their failings, anything a little bit different, every tiny piece of information gets turned into sensational, shocking news.
Gossip and rumours are used to manipulate people in business these days under the guise of “change management”. It’s been used by governments to manipulate public opinion in the form of leaked documents for years. But for me the worst kind of gossip is the small talk that is designed to reduce everyone to a common low level through the use of negativity. It masks the fact that we are all human and connected through a sort of perverse celebration of peoples vulnerabilities, and portrays people as somehow less than human because of their human nature which should be celebrated positively.
I don’t see gossip as talking about someone openly, discussing their situation, identifying or empathising with them. This is part of the questioning mind, learning, looking for answers and completely positive. I wouldn’t even put it in the same category as gossip.
With love, Daniel
Well, like most things in life gossip can be used for good or bad. It can show interest and sympathy, but also used to harm someone or for calumny in extrem.
credo che in questo mondo vige ora più che mai il detto “nel bene o nel male basta che si parli di te”. ormai la gente fà quasi di tutto pur di far parlare di sè (vedi anche tra i cosiddetti VIP le ralazioni a scopo pubblicitario).
il gossip permette a ciascuno di distanziarsi da siutazioni scomode, permette di fare ipocrite critiche, permette di nascondersi dietro “melgio giudicare che correre il rischio di venir giudicati”. e credo che alla fine, da questo gioco pericoloso e macchinosamente infernale, non se ne esce mai completamente indenni.
a gossip is gossip. i think it´s rarely good, well-meaning.
so is it not a kind of word-inflation to make a term
- which points to something negative – positive?
does this influence mutual understanding? how?
why do we do it?
is confusion the *normal state of ppls being today?
complexitiy in thinking seems to be a sign of intelligence.
is it so?
i alone am responsible for my thoughts and my feelings.
*major
I am little confused, according to the article, if we use gossip in order to create group of people sharing their hatred for other people, can have a positive side. I think this is called public manipulation. How can it be positive?
Even if people are connected with common factor their negative feelings or opinions conserning other people i can’t see how this is positive.
I am impressed but not in a good way by the fact that a research condacted only to examine how people group together to hate someone else all and that was positive and good.
Perhaps i am suspicious but i think that some researches are condacted for other reasons that the ones they name.
Hi Maria-dove,
Can’t it be positive for venting. As you know, all our impressions in social settings, for good and for bad, we need to deal with it, to talk it out and set words to everything going on. I don’t think necessarily we need to badmouth people who causes negative emotions, but somehow laugh it away, especially when we laugh about ourselves to once in awhile :)
Love & admiration,
Heart
Dear Heart,
I am really sorry but i don’t get your point perhaps you could write it more simple?
Hmmmm, what to say dear maria-dove…what I mean…to vent, is to talk about all the emotions that goes on inside us, to get out in the open, what we feel about social relationships. Is it more simple if I say; ‘We talk about each other to try to understand our self and the community we participate in, to feel better about it’.
Just an opinion
Just an opinion has killed
more than any of us can imagine
but the same opinion has also thrilled just as many.
Just an opinion can comfort or slap
can turn armies around and turn time back.
It’s just an opinion claiming a dominion
pointing out those losing or winning ;
gaining you entrance through the main gate
or getting you kicked out the back.
All is opinion nothing is truth anymore,
a fact can rise from a lie that was before.
All is opinion and thus so is this
however bad the formulation
this is nothing more than arty opinionitis
Struggle, fight, move ahead, bark at yourself through the soundsystem in your head, keep basses booming and heads up high or declare yourself dead with a desperate sigh. But whatever you do, aim for, achieve or lose…
…be always aware of the opinion your actions and words can lead one to choose.
Hi Paulo….I have to admit I am a fan of gossip and see it as a positive thing. I know it can be dangerous but that needs a lot of other factors…I Love when I go to the hairdressers, supermarket, waiting in a queue at bank or post office, to chat to the person next to me and hear any news I may have missed. I like to listen to people having a good gossip and watch their expressions. I live in a rural area so I always say to the postman any goss today? or I will call my brother who lives in the town and say whats the gossip? It is a way of staying in touch of hearing what is going on. It can also be informative and carry a warning , it can prepare you. Listening to gossip you may hear about someone who you hadnt seen…..I love a good gossip…so whats the goss today?? :))…love to you Paulo xxx
Dear Angela,
What excellent examples of positive gossiping!
Love & admiration,
Heart
xxx
Love to you Heart….xxx
I miss something in this article: the framework.
the authors appear to take “gossip” like an isolated phenomenon.
however, in a broader concept, gossiping is a type of DISCRIMINATION.
I think it is old knowledge that discrimination produces boundaries between groups.
Definitely, discriminating against somebody creates closeness of the people who do it.
Whether on this basis, the “positive experience” can be still considered positive in this way, is questionable.
different branches of psychology & sociology actually have dealt with this broader concept. For example (C Jung), it is often the “dark side” or shadow of a person which the person does not want to look at or deal with but it is heavy. what a great idea, to make oneself a little bit lighter and GOSSIP, just put all the negatives on somebody else?! feels much better & positive ….
Dear Katie, knowing the fact that there is something there for the one who gossip, hidden, I take that oppportunity often to bring the one that gossip to express what that “news” does to him, tells him, makes him unconfortable … because that person that gossip is also a soul trapped … In my line of work (therapy), people that come to make light often starts with “gossip”. The “work” is to bring them back to themselves, to listen a time and then redirect the all towards themselves. In more intimate relations, often, I would say that I am not at ease listening to the judgment and would prefer to change subject, and that is also a way that brings the other to reflect on the purpose of his gossiping. I mean, I try not to do the same (judging the other, condamning the other, reject the other like he is doing). I try to “understand”. I even take that door to talk about the importance of words, the energy that it carries, the effects. More and more we will say, help heal, more and more awareness will appear. Just wanted to share what your last paragraph brought me to express. Cordially, Jojo.
Hi Jojo!
I just noticed this lovely new picture is YOU. It’s lovely. You look lovely!
Heart
xxx
Thank you dear Heart! With affection, Jojo.
Gossip keeps us connected, in touch with the around and the outside! Gossip could be told in a negative, harmful connotation or on the other hand exposed blissfully :D
Again Gossip keeps us connected.
If someone gossips to me about someone else, I make sure not to let this person know anything about myself or my loved ones because without a doubt I will be the next person they gossip about.
Gossips, are addicted to this form of communication – they find it titillating. I’m sure they wouldn’t like it so much though if they were the ones being gossiped about.
I think also, that there is a difference between gossiping and discussing. If you look up the definition of gossip:
Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
Gossips tends to be about passing on other people’s secrets/personal affairs etc.
What’s written in the article there is what I would call ‘soap opera society…’ I mean come on somebody has got a job studying gossiping! OMG!
Gossip is actually a form of indirect aggression… I would prefer to have no friends – not even online friends – than to have a friendship that revolved around gossiping. I would give up ten gossiping friends for one who can talk their own mind in an expressive way.
Thanks Kealan!!!!!! that’s what I’m talking about
Hello!
Gossip is a multi-billion dollar industry. Why else do we read and watch programs that are purely dedicated to celebrity gossip?
Gossip creeps into legitimate news programs and then the ratings go up. Its unfortunate but true.
Rumor however is ‘untrue’ gossip.
Why does it give us immense pleasure to gossip and listen to gossip? I personally stick to washing someone else’s dirty linen (gossipping for pleasure :-) )and not producing non-existent stains(malicious gossip or rumors).
Over the years my observation and opinion forming abilities have come to the following conclusions about gossiping:
1. Gossiping can be effectively used as a defensive technique and gives you more credence in a group as opposed to using it an offensive manner.
2. Some people are really crafty in digging out gossip and will even get it straight out of the horses mouth. This can be used constructively to dig out that hidden terrorist in your neighborhood (especially when the security level is >=orange), but a conscious effort has to be made in that direction.
3. Rumors are always, always harmful and done with evil intent. A rumor spreader should be avoided and taught a lesson. Spreading rumors should not be encouraged.
honestly, if i were one of the participants, i would end up being exactly as the result here. (i actually would like to participate in this kind of experiment because it sounds fun) but still i believe that it takes lifetime to build a personal relationship, if it is a serious one. and when you have serious relationships, all the other not so serious ones (such as gossip groups) would lose its importance, at least for me.
thanks for reading.
love
I enjoy listening to gossip, and will even eavesdrop on strangers gossiping about other strangers. The way gossip is relayed, the body language of the gossiper and the listener is especially fascinating.
I’ve learned the hard way to not pass gossip on, especially to my husband. He doesn’t know how to handle it.
Paulo, I am of the opinion that:see,hear and be silent,you will live good anywhere.I don’t like gossip.
I would like to comment a word that Mr Coelho used. “Dangerous”. Gossip is something very dangerous.
Indeed, gossip can provoke fights, quarrels, even divorces. But, it is O U R F A U L T, if this happens. A Hellene philosopher once said to someone that wanted to inform him that someone else was saying bad words against him (the philosopher):
“I don’t blame the other that said/spread bad words against me, behind my back. I blame you, that you kept listening to him, until the end”.
Just an advice: don’t believe anything, that you were told, unless you have VERY STRONG reasons to do so. I have heard SO MANY RIDICULOUS accusations/things. BUT THEY WERE SOOOOOO MANY AND SOOOOO RIDICULOUS!!
Of course, when I am talking about proofs, I am not referring to God. I realize that religion needs its own strong beliefs, but those beliefs are Divine and totally different from our earthy gossips.
In my opinion, the reason we gossip is that we NEED to feel better for some reasons. One choice is to resort to gossip. One other choice is to try and understand what is bugging us, so, by solving it, we won’t need any gossip.
By the way, have you heard that Paris Hilton……blah-blah-blah…..???? }:-)
An interesting article about gossip:
Research shows that sharing negative attitudes about others may have positive consequences; it promotes closeness and friendship. In their study, the authors find that negative attitudes are frequently shared among friends and can even promote friendships among strangers. Gossip is alluring because it establishes in-group/out-group boundaries, boosts self-esteem, and conveys highly informative information about the attitude holder. “We certainly do not deny that gossip behavior has it drawbacks,” the authors state. “Still, if there is a positive side of gossip, we believe it is that shared, mild, negative attitudes toward others can create and/or amplify interpersonal intimacy.”
In the first two parts of the study, two groups of participants were instructed to list the positive and negative attitudes they shared at the early and later stages of close relationships. Both groups recalled more negative than positive attitudes about other people. In the third section, participants listened to a conversation between two fictional characters and explained what they liked or did not like about one speaker (a third person). They were then told that they shared or did not share the same thoughts as another participant whom they would be partnered with. The authors found that those whose partner had a mutual dislike of the person felt closer to this stranger than people who learned that they shared a liking.
Personal Relationships is an international, interdisciplinary journal that promotes scholarship in the field of personal relationships throughout a broad range of disciplines, including psychology, sociology, communication studies, anthropology, family studies, child development, and gerontology. It is published on behalf of the International Association for Relationship Research.
Jennifer K. Bosson is currently a professor in the department of Psychology at The University of Oklahoma. In August, she will join the faculty of the psychology department at the University of South Florida. She has been conducting empirical research on interpersonal relationships for the past 12 years.
Gossip is ok if it’s from a good intent of one’s heart and if it’s not based on lies. It’s one of the angels’ best weapons and can change the world.
We should be carefull, though; gossip is also one of the devil’s favourite weapons _ it can very easily distort truth, become a big lie and cause much damage.
Fully agree my dear weird Den Rod (u used the word weird several times last week, and so did I and your one eye looking at me from your pic is a bit weird too) No offense!
Love & Admiration,
heart
Also an Annie fan!
ha ha!!
That’s what I was talking about, Paulo. Even little kids (in kindergarden) use this to form a ’strong’ group. To be close, “protected” (from nothing) and very selfconfident. And the sadder part is, not only kids do this. When this attitude is promoted, I get question marks in my mind.
Many of people I communicated with in the past used and still use this type of thing to protect themselves and feel better about themselves. I think it is fake. Although to the ones that go along with this sort of thing, to them it will be normal.
I just had to break out of it because I could no longer go along with these self-decieving games that were played.
~*~*~*~
It’s all about the standards – what is normal and what is not. Is gossiping and exchanging hurtful remarques like that normal to some people, or is it undiscouraged? Is it ok to gossip if it makes us feel good for a second, but on the false bases? Using blind emotions to boost oneself up and leave a mark on another. Yeah, to some it might be ok, to self-decieve or destroy…
Thanks for making us think about it.
Love,
L.
what if people are judging you (me) for judging others? and judging you (me) for all kinds of others things that they really only have a superficial knowledge of?
and does this gossip theme have anything to do with me personally because if it doesn’t i don’t really care that much about it unless I can understand specifically what it relates to. (is that a dangling preposition?)
sincerely,
vitww
Hia paulo !!
u’r perpetual smile says that u are in best of health and spirits !! good to see u, as always !!
GOSSIP & GOSPEL – is there any connection ????
love
aditya
Hola Aditya!
Not easy to find humorous gossip in the gospel, but I guess if you look closely enough…When Jesus chased all the traders out of the temple is kind of funny :)
Love ya,
Heart
Yes, it’s kind of funny, indeed, ha!
I wonder does this article tell us about the state of our society. People bond over negativity is a fact, but can we try to move away from that. The people who bonded because they shared mutal dislike feel power in number against someone else, while people who like the same thing feel comfortable to say what they like and be themselves.
Well, I know that from daily life. What are women at hairdresser do? Or men at a beer??? Kind of gossip, isnt it? I already told that a chit-chat is ok, if we keep near true. The bad thing comes when one exagerates and add details to the true story, so to put a black light on somebody.
Allright I understand how it could make those people close,but can those people talk about their own life instead?I guess it’s easier for them to talk about someone else’s life than their own..It boots self esteem?Good for them!But there are other ways to boot self esteem..I can’t really see the positive side.
Thanks for sharing the article that brought the discussion. Appreciated. Jojo.
Hola a todos. Los chismes suelen ser un indicador de baja autoestima, pues quien los propaga (creo que todos alguna vez en nuestra vida) se mueve por la sensación de importancia que despierta en quien los oye, y los necesita porque no se cree capaz de destacar por otra cosa. Son una golosina para sentirnos escuchados. Si no se domina el ego, pueden hacer mucho daño.
Concuerdo contigo, y algo que también me parece muy curioso es que la gente que se la pasa hablando chismes es envidiosa e hipócrita.
Sera que el chisme es solo un mecanismo facilista de defensa cuando creemos que poseemos una debilidad o incapacidad para hacer o tener algo?
Una forma de hacer sentir mal a las personas que poseen algo que nosotros no poseemos?
Una forma de demostrar superioridad, prepotencia, o de tratar de cubrir falencias?
Un forma de demostrar que estamos mas informados que el resto, que sabemos lo que nadie sabe aun?
Lo único que podría decir es que cuando te enteras que alguien “habló mal de ti”, sientes que te tiran un dardo, es tu decisión vivir inmune ante ese tipo de energias negativas.
From the mouth of a great woman: Eleanor Roosevelt, simply and beautifully put together
“Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”
No discussion, people who have great minds have no time for discussing or gossiping about other people. There is so much to do, why waste you time talking about others. Not only that, but gossip not only damages the other person’s image, it also destroys our spirit because we fill it with filth and hatred.
I gossip…I am not ashamed to say it. I talk about people, their lives, what they do, how they do it etc. Do I judge their lives, actions and choices? NO Do I spread rumors? NO? I do not talk about people from a mean spirited placce either. Who am I to judge anyone? I am not perfect and I am sure people talk about me, my life, the choices I make and that is okay…maybe the spark of conversation can make someone identify with me, my struggles that I might have so if they want to talk, let ‘em talk.
I just don’t really think it’s cool if it comes from a place to inentionally hurt someone. That is not cool.
This kind of people are focused on other people,
instead to be busy with their own business.
They have to look themselves in the mirror.
Buenaventura
Yes, that is something I was thinking too.
Well said.
Oh wow…this is an interesting topic to discuss.
I personally see nothing wrong in gossiping. As long as it isn’t taken seriously, and not meant to spread rumors around.
Whenever I see my best friend, we first catch up on each others news, and then ask “Ok so what gossip do you have?”. The only way to describe our gossiping is that its fun! Pure fun..I seriously enjoy it. Fishing for secrets, news, crushes, new relationships, everything you name it!
I honestly think that a lot of people love gossip as long as its not about them but they just don’t want to admit it.
As I said, if it’s not meant to harm anyone then why not? :)
Gossip… I don’t have much to say about gossip…
I don’t like it.
In terms of the article stating about establishing comparisons, I think it’s a way for ppl to feel good about themselves…
Most gossip is negative, I haven’t heard much Good gossip from ppl, praising someone for their accomplishments or whatever, usually it’s to point out the bad… so to feel better about oneself??
When I think of Gossip I think something similar to how Kealan described it, ppl just blurting things out about someone else.
Gossip is different from one friend telling another friend about an experience with another person, I don’t consider that gossip because they are sharing their feelings and experiences. Maybe this is what the article meant.
Have a wonderful week everyone!
Kisses
I think that gossips are wasting their lives talking about other people when they should be out living their lives.
When I come across the word gossip, the first thing that it comes to my mind is the big pain they had caused to me.
They tried to hurt me very badly by gossiping and saying things untrue about me, and they did it…
And secondly the only thing I know that I can’t stand people who gossip about every one, and I can’t stand who gossip about me because I just come to know that immediately, and it is annoying. It doesn’t matter weather they speak god or bed things about me.
I can’t stand others who gossip because, their continuously talking on somebody makes me feel like kind of seek it gives me headache and a desire to spew (sorry for my expression). This happens when the person who’s gossiping is saying lots of bad things(it doesn’t matter if they are trues or not).
I think : GOSSIP=LOSE OF TIME
I admit that sometimes I can’t avoid them, even though I don’t like them. I am a girl and I have my girl friends too, so you know, it is impossible for girls to not gossip, but I try that as long as we are together at least to avoid bad comments and cut it off as soon as possible. Or I just give up, and retire.
Usually when it circulates any new gossip I am the last one to know about.
I have some vague memoirs of my grandmother, grandfather and other relatives of her age, that they never used to gossip on others.
My grandmother’s cousin used to say :
Never speak about others, bad and nor good. Nothing!
At that time I couldn’t understand what that was about, but now I only say : SAINT WORDS !
I know Paulo that you mean the good face of the situation, about how this bad thing can be the instrument of good. I’ve thought often about that too. Sometimes we feel so unsure about us, and about the place that we give to our selves. I admit that sometimes I felt much better because of this kind of comparison due to gossip, but still at the end I felt week. I saw that I needed to compare my weaknesses to those of another one, just for feeling better.
Maybe I should reconsider the way I see gossip, maybe I need much more experience on this topic, but, still I am going to give you this question as answer :
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WOULD KNOW THAT SOMEBODY YOU KNOW(NO MATTER WHO A FRIEND MAYBE), HAD COMPARED HIS SELF TO YOU BASED ON A GOSSIP HE HERD ?
*I people we don’t know we don’t care that much.
*Think about both cases : He feel better because he sees himself better than you, and the opposite.
I’ve tried that. I could excuse myself thinking that even he/she might possibly have done that, but still, the truth, deep inside the idea hurts.
LOVE
Olta
Флейта.Люблю луны волшебное сиянье,/И запах лип,и лёгкий шум ветвей,/Люблю забот людских молчанье,/Люблю безмолвие страстей./Люблю в час вечера унылой флейты звуки./И слушаю их нежный перелив,/Склонив главу,скрестивши руки,/В душе дыханье притаив.(Надежда Теплова)
Gossip, specially the malicious kind, can destroy relationships. When you talk about someone behind their back, how could you ever have a real authentic relationship with them? You have to admit to it, and apologize, taking full responsibility. Otherwise, you yourself will suffer – as the relationship will be shallow. What if you don’t care about the relationship at all? Well, it’s still bad for you, because you have allowed yourself to stab someone behind their back. And after that, how can you respect yourself? And then, ALL your relationships are doomed. That’s terrible for yo, if your happiness is a function of the quality of your relationships.
Deepa (Austin, TX).
Wisely and inclusively expressed. Thank you, dear Deepa.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Gossip is very dangerous indeed when the people who gossip add ‘eyes’ , ‘noses’, ‘ears’ and ‘tails’ to the actual event they are gossiping about. These are the types of gossip that end up bothering sometimes ruining/hurting someone.
One gossip that was started in my presence that i think i squished was when my neighbour a 18 year old girl died. She had been sick for a few days. My grandmother used to visit their house often and stayed there for hrs and we kind of knew what was going on in their house. One of days when grandmother was there the girl started having seizures. The girls mother and my aunt took the girl in a auto(3 wheeled taxi) to the nearest private hospital which refused admission because they thought it was a suicide case (because of the seizure there was some foam around her mouth which was mistaken as poisoning) and the mother had to take her to the goverment hospital which was far away but on the way the girl died.
After the funeral was over some other neighbour women visiting were talking to my mom : “there is a rumour that maybe that girl was pregnant and the mother did an abortion at home and that went wrong. Maybe she loved someone and committed suicide because of unrequited love. ” Sad but true, even the dead or not exempt from malicious gossip.
I literally screamed at the women and stopped them from spreading that nonsense. But how many times do we have the oppurtunity to be at the exact time and place the gossip starts and kill it?
Least we can do is when someone tells us bad things about someone is:
1. Verify if it’s true
2. Do not spread if this malicious and can hurt someone
3. Inform the person who is being talked about of the malicious gossip so they are armed to face any problems that come out of it.
4. Advise the gossip -monger to have some conscience.
love,
Laxmi
No soy muy partidario de los chismes, suelo callar cuando escucho a los demas hablar de algun chisme, porque de una simple opinion se puede generar por boca de los demas los peores chismes y ocasionar problemas que no vienen al caso y que ni si quiera se estaban buscando. Pero hay que estar en la realidad y opino que sin chismes las personas no se podrian comunicar y expresar las opiniones buenas o malas sobre alguna situacion, seran dolorosas y traeran problemas, pero eso es lo que mueve actualmente nuestro entorno social. Y lamentablemente en ocasiones es entretenido saber las situaciones que viven otras personas contada por terceros y por las mismas personas. Peor aun es cuando personas mal intencionadas utilizan este medio para lastimar y generar conflico, pero como dije anteriormente es un medio de comunicacion y lo que mueve nuestro entorno social de cual uno aprende a dominar y a cuidarse para no verse afectado por lo negativo de los chismes.
Hello everybody…
I’ve been visiting this blog for several weeks now and been wanting to leave my “message” in other topics…but i chose to start here…maybe because this topic influenced my life a lot and it is partially responsible for the way i act with people nowadays.
Gossip…despite all the meanings it may have, what it meant in the past, how the word originated…truth is that this word never comes with a good story!
I know and knew a lot of “gossip people”, but i’ve never been one to gossip about others. Unfortunatelly that didnt save me from being a subject to others conversations. I once had this relationship which ended because my boyfriend gave more importance to what other people told him about me, than my actual words or actions…even though i know that i was always honest with him and i loved him very much. “She did this”, “She is that”, “She went here”, “I saw her there with this one”, some of the things they used to tell him and he chose to believe. Today, i know that one person who believes in others, more than he trusts me or loves me and what i show him, it’s not worthy…but it made me feel really sad to know that “other people’s mouths” have the capacity to influence so much negatively something that’s built from love, and all because of some envy or lack of respect for one who’s happy.
This is only a part of how “gossip” influences people and how it influenced my life!
I was one to care to much about what other people used to say about me, until i realize that what my mirror (whether physical mirror or conscience and self-respect/love mirror) says, is what really matters…at the end of the day, as long as i’m comfortable with myself, i’m comfortable with whatever they may have to say about me. At the end of the day, it’s guaranteed that i can count on myself and i’m the one who will always be there, for good and bad and will always stay true to myself and what i feel! Maybe if a lot more people had this in mind, a lot of problems would be solved.
Gossip in general…i think it is very shallow. People who feed themselves with gossips show insecurity for their own lives, for their beauty, for their intelligence, for whatever it may be…but somehow they’re not comfortable with something, so they try to put their own flaws in others, whether reading magazines, talking about famous people (who can’t even talk back, that’s why they have so much to say), or even talking about co-workers or a friend who they supposedly loooooooove (but they hate him/her on his/her back) and even family members. Maybe those people should try to gossip about themselves in front of a mirror, so they could really see where the problem is, where the problem starts (and ends). It also shows the nature of humans (and unnature of love), always wanting to be more than others, always judging others, inside their ignorance shells, worring more about looking into the neighbours window and forgetting about the messy house they live in.
I could go on with the words, there’s so much to say, so many points of view, so many ways of understanding this issue, but i’ll leave you with this one for now…
And with the decision that i’ll be coming back, not only to read, but to share my words with everyone who’s interested and with you Paulo.
It is beautiful to see so many people from around the world, joining together at this same “place”…at the distance of a mouse or keyboard, sharing their lives, ways of thinking, and forgetting everything that separates us from one another.
Love
Karen
Dear Karen,
I know what you are talking about on how gossip can ruin someone’s life.
But as you also said this was oppurtunity for you to know what sort of person your boyfriend was. You are better off with someone who has a brain of his own that processes information , considers facts , askes questions and bases decisions on that rather than beleiving someone blindly.
love,
Laxmi
Amen
Well done Karen for taking the first step and writing on the blog today,it reminds me how I felt on that first day also !! Love Breda
I’m not really one for gossip..
that is unless it is something relating to someone I know and hear something about… but this is because i care for their outcome, eg: is something awful going on in their life that i could as a friend assist/reach out…
but i tend to ignore gossip on a need to know basis.
life is so much simpler!
plus… why compare so much ?
enjoy diversity and expression ;o)
perhaps it is only when we get bored with this that gossip becomes more normal?
personally.. i don’t get it… [gossip].
perhaps because so often it is used in a power-axis way… to make the gossiper feel better/worse etc…
and gossip is different to small talk.. where, yes i agree, you can learn about things going on in the neighbouring village… eg: such and such is organising a such and such…
‘There is no news like bad news!’ Gossip is one of the lowest forms of communication. When I think of gossip I think of somebody sitting on a couch in their PJ’s surrounded by glossy magazines and tabloid newspapers – cigarette in one hand and talking on the phone with the other hand! Lol…
Although gossip is seen as a bad thing – many of the famous people who have fallen on hard times love to be in the spotlight and on every magazine cover. The broadsheet would never publish gossip – so famous people rely on the tabloids to keep them in the limelight. I really don’t care why so and so broke up and why he still loves her forever. I don’t care about the boyfriend who ran off with the mother or the girlfriend who had my grandfathers child.
You draw an apt picture of gossips lol
I think of those old ladies who have nothing better to do with their time than peek through the curtains to see the neighbourhoods goings on – or those ladies who dress very conservatively, make scones and talk from a very high moral ground about so and so and isn’t it disgusting how such and such ….
When I hear that word I think straight away about those magasines that sell a lot.The ones so many people read.I don’t know how you call them,”People magasines” is that right?I call them toilet paper,but..anyway.I know so many people reading those.It’s “understandable”,it’s part of today’s society,selling “dreams”.Yeah I understand why someone would buy this although I’m for his disappearance.I don’t understand what is so great to shoot stars without make up or..unfortunately,if it was just that!They are not “People”,they are souls with the same questions,doubts,sunshine or rainy days.They make mistakes and they are heading towards the same direction.In the end.It’s not seeing that star for example dead drunk on the pic that make me sick,it’s the person who ordered the other person to take that shot to show to the whole world that she/he was dead drunk in order to pay himself a porsche.It’s like wearing the scarlet letter in public again.Yes it is exactly that.They are not just shooting a person,they are taking her/his soul.Captured in a picture and hard to get it back sometimes..
Am I off subject?Probably,oh well..
And I will add this too.
In Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, one shares with the crowd his intimacy. It is said to respect not to repeat in a negative gossip fashion (Sam talked the other night, he did this, told that, etc …) but one can repeat in a positive gossip fashion (The other night, there was someone who did this, told that, and that brought me to understand this and that) … Jojo.
This is a good point. There can be real benefit in talking about other peoples’ positive experiences and learning from the experiences of others in this way. I had not thought about ‘positive’ gossip before.
i dont like gossip because is a bad habit that always comes with others bad stuff like lies, hypocrisy and hate. I said hate because if we really appreciate a person we´ll never tell things about that person in a “gossip way”
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Oscar Wilde.
The above quote applies I think, to .. celebrities and stars. They ‘build’ their fame and career and then … they want to be talked about and admired. ;-]
Gossip is …. ‘whispering’ and I hate this type of expressing views. It may also destroy someone’s life and it is preventing our .. FREEDOM. We call it also …. ‘eating tongue’ Γλωσσοφαγία! I think, gossip is based on the … principle ‘half truth’ or ‘peppered lies’.
My father was ‘adamant’ about .. gossip. You must not care of what others are doing. “Mind your own business” is a good … answer. ;-]
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
I don’t love gossips… BUT its a tool of fun, when you yourself aremaking gossips about…. Yourself, and than we only need to count a time when gossip will come to your ears.
… About gossipers… they are peoples who loves to talk much and too much, and very very too much, but I don’t know. because I’m the not so talkative and talking only when it’s needeed or only when it matters. And a little for fun. :)
“The English word “gossip” originated as “godsibb” meaning “a person related to one in God”, or a godparent. Until the 1800s, “gossip” denoted friendship. Today gossip is defined by the dictionary as “chatty talk; the reporting of sensational or intimate information.”
I must confess (and I wonder why I need to say “confess”) that in the past, and even today, I go out and buy “gossip magazines” (I limit myself to 3 magazines). I realized what I was looking for unconsciously, finding my path. When in the past I felt like a “zero”, I judged myself “crazy”, reading about other’s life, success, failures helped me to see that falling was human, for example. For me, for my psyche, it helped me, since I was a person reclusive with no esteem, ashamed. For instance, during the Diana years, reading gossips about her, some of them true and others not, brought me to admire that lady whoh assumed more and more who she was, and I understood that her life as depicted talked about mine, her combats about mine, her need to get autonomy about my need, her going against the establishment touched my need to do the same … for me, those “lectures” helped me so much. I realized that when something disturbed the “hidden” values, they would go on the case, for example Michael Jackson. But again, to emphasize brought me to reflect on what was in fact present in most of the people’s mind, conduct, etc … I must say that when I hear people talking, I let them free of their opinions and do not hesitate to tell mine, not speaking of the other’s conduct but of what that gossip brings to reflect in accordance to my own values, what it says of my high and low points “for me”. I remember all the gossip about Michael Jackson. Me, I admired him and I understood that he “was an element that disturbed” and at the same time fascinated. I know what that kind of disturbance can do in the surroundings J . Yes, he like me has troubles, things to discover, etc, but he inspired me so much in persevering, in continuing to be proud and not ashame of my difference that I display in talking, creating, with my clothes, etc … A teacher wrote something on gossip in relation to a bad period she was living pertaining to her esteem, her work: “ To be honest, it made me feel better as a teacher to hear others being put down. I was out there on my own, I had no sense of how I was doing in class, and the gossip gave me some connection.” She did not go in the group to lower the other one … she listened, told what to the others what that gossip meant to her, showed her, etc …
Since you brought up the subject, Mr. Coelho, and talked about an interesting article, which you do not name, I went to surf and read and try to comprehend the “need of gossiping”, the negative and positive sides of gossip. And for me, it is not all bad, not all right … a need to recognize and to nourrish with balance …
Many stories, legends, etc, that we have today come from the act of gossiping, telling, a gossip that informs and helps define the age. These could not have survived without the impuslve to pass on a good story. They gossiped about the bravey of their heroes. “Most of what we know of medieval history is sheer gossip and later on it was the gossips like Voltaire, Samuel Pepys, William Hickey and Madame de la Tour du Pin who gaves us glimpses into people’s private lives, thus making history intellectually honest as well as not boring.”
Gossip has a protective group function, and it is written that “Gossiping too little may be at least as risky as gossiping too much.” By the way, are we not “gossiping” on the blog ??? J We are told we are not supposed to gossip. Gossiping has a negative connotation today. But here are positive aspects of gossip. It says for instance that “one has been evolutionary, the ability to acquire information about others increased people’s ability to survive”, and that for me was the case, a step further to where I stand today. It is also written that “Gossip helps to develop and cement social ties, thus contributing ina positive way to society. That for a real understanding of our social environment, gossip is essential, that it’s primary function is to help us make social comparisons. For example, if we read bad news about celebrities in the tabloids, or get into the gruesome details of our neighor’s misery over a cup of coffee, our own problems being to pale in comparison.”
Los Angeles Time, July 2, 2007, Gregory Rodriquez writes: “A few years ago, two British researchers concluded that celebrity-watching, if it does not come an all-out obsession, can be a healthy part of adolescent development and bonding. A survey of English schoolchildren revealed that celebrity attachments serve as pseudo-friends who become the subject of gossip and discussion among their real friends. The kid’s fascination with celebs not only helps them bond with classmates but to become more autonomous from their parents. Meantime, those children who do develop unhealthy fixations on the lives of stars were likely to be lonely and lacking strong bonds with family and friends. Following the trials and tribulations of the rich and famous can be a way for us to connect to others and even to make sense of our lives. And just as we would a neighbor or classmate, we dissect the other’s life as a means to justify our own, reinforce our life choices, sort out and share our opinions with others. Since the 1970’s, a growing disenchantment with politics has further loosened our links to community. We don’t like the political process because we feel that we have no effect on it, and we suspect that it is dominated by narrow, powerful forces that don’t have our best interests at heart.”
At the beginning, I said “I must confess”, but I think that I am not wrong to read gossips, since I do not do that to judge others but to understand myself, the other, the world. I think we should not fall in the extremes concerning the value of gossip, the morality of gossip, and that forum brought me to read and to see something more into the gossip issue. “The problem with much of the reflexive religious teachings against gossip is that they focus on the harm done to specific individuals who are gossiped about (and let’s focus here on gossip that is true) and ignore the benefit widely shared among many people from gaining the information of that gossip.” Someone wrote, “’I’m reading a book entitled Good Gossip. It is one of many academic works over the past few years in praise of gossip, pointing out the good that gossip does, such as bonding, community, developing, enforcing and subverting norms, challenging power, overturning institutions. I no longer agree with the comment that idiots talk about people and the wise about ideas. Why are ideas more important than people? Sometimes they are and sometimes they are not. Context is king.” I read that gossip develops values, significance, judgmental capacity and group consensus.
“As a whole, gossip is bad. Yet, not only is some gossip good, some is essential.”
That is what I wanted to share on that topic
Cordially, Jojo.
Thank you for your presentation, I did not know the origin of the word. I think is nothing to be ashamed about bit of gossiping, in certain limits.
Love
Alexandra
Thank you Alexandra. I searched to seek what would was told about gossip, since I only have my little part of experiences. That presentation is just to share what I discovered. My only position about that topic is there are and will be people who gossip and since that situation has been and will stay “for the moment”, I tend to see at ways to help heal the world … With affection, Jojo.
Gossip:
Creating and or believing.
Things can be looked at from a different point of view – if we do not know all the aspects of a story, and if it is not our business, we should not pass the info on or butt in. The other way to gossip – making up facts or creating “something” out of nothing is another way to do it.
Believing everything we’re told?
With someone we respect and follow, it would be hard to stay untouched by it, to stay neutral, objective. But if we overcome the threshold of trying to please others indeed, then it is possible.
Everything is connected.
~*~*~*~
When there was this “drama” between Paul OA and this lady, I should have not butted in, but I did. I understand I did not know anything about the situation and it even wasn’t my business. Taking sides in such matters is irrelevant. But we learn and we become less and less affected by all sorts of sideeffects and circumstances. Sometimes we have to make mistakes, sometimes we learn from others mistakes.
When we are kids we are fed so many judgements by gossips and I am actually sad that even very young people nowadays know the techniques of this sort of manipulation. To earn new friends they would lie and humiliate someone behind their back, make them “unpopular” in someones eyes. I’ve seen so many been secluded by that sort of behaviour even as children that it saddens me. I was once a victim of that sort of behaviour and I try not to act the same way myself.
~*~*~*~
Try as one might, if we do not understand/sense the reasons behind what is said and why… we fall in a hole. Let our senses be sharpened.
Well, have a great week.
Love,
L.
Gossip is a word which expands itself among the people. Sometimes I think that words have life.
I am an iranian girl.I am not good in english speaking.but I like to join you in your DISCUSSION.in my country there is a proverb that say:untill not exist a thing people dont say more thing تا نباشد چیزکی مردم نگویند چیزها Im sorry for my incorrect grammer
When the gossip is done negatively with the intention of hurting someone or just for the sake of having something to talk about, then people should restrain from doing so, as it does not benefit anyone. We should always remember that words are like leaves on the win, once we let them out we lose control over their destination and impact.
No every gossip is ill intention, sometime we gossip about someone else business out of real concern. Maybe the aim is not to help the person, but merely the need to understand that person doings. Will anyone benefit from that? Probably not the person being discussed but maybe the others will do. No harm is done and it gives others the chance to discuss and share their point of view about a particular situation in life.
I do gossip/chat sometimes, but with a good heart and intention. Gossip/chitchatting is part of our nature and as we grow spiritually we tend to do it less and less.
I’m working hard on achieving 100% gossip free!
loveNlight
Gabi
Gossip and having fun with other characters, as a way of understanding the relationships around us, is fine. I’m completely against malicious gossip and slandering, devious lies to destroy another person.
Hi paulo,
This is my first post on your topics…i am from pakistan…YOU ARE CHANGING LIVES IN “PAKISTAN” TOO…
So, i love to talk to people but i avoid talking about others…Quran also forbids us from doing so…we can give good remarks about someone…but nothing more…until we dont have the courage to say “any other remark” on his face.
Regards :)
Adnan
Don’t like gossip… never did… never will…!
The content is invariably negative and is instigated primarily by those who have nothing better to do or say, because they cannot! I also dislike small talk, and politicians can do this for hours… ;)
I totally agree with you!
Having said that, for some, gossip does of course have it’s uses, and as our Kealan rightfully mentioned, the rich & famous tend to have a Love-Hate relationship with the gossip media, and an insatiable need to wash their underwear in public… plenty to talk about ;)
Gossip can also be extremely dangerous, and a flippant tongue can cost lives on the front…
An estonian singer recently made up a silly gossip concerning a very famous person from England to become famous there and to sell records more efficiently. She was proud that she did it and that made a story into a local newspaper, but that was it. In my eyes she made a fool out of herself, but that’s only my opinion. It was rather silly idea in my eyes to use some false gossip to become known in a foreign country!
Maybe good tactics? Lol
Good luck,
L.
I personally too don’t like gossip ! in fact i don’t prefer to speak much at all, and can switch off my ears at will, but gossip is a fact of life, i have been a victim of much gossip, sad thing about gossip is that it is like a trial without u being given a chance to defend u’rself, but then i never really cared, so long as whatever i am doing is in line with my expereiments with life, i don’t care what others gossip about, i have better things to do with my life and time, like writing here, like praticing awareness !
having said this, i have also realised, that gossip is a very powerful tool in decision making processes, specially in corporate sector, in corporate sector it is known by the word ‘grapevine’. in case u are not tuned to this grapevine, be sure u will receive no juice, whoever said hardwork is the road to success never saw the labourers struggling the whole day long in hot sun.
harmless gossip is a light entertainment ( not that we need it ), the film stars use gossip to further their carrier. gossip can be generated, it is used in statecraft to either enhance or denounce someone’s prospects. In case u have any worldy ambitions, u cannot wish away, turn a blind eye to gossip, in fcat u may have to become a master of this game too, alongwith master of whatever it may be your core competence.
love
aditya
Oh here is the saint! Hehe. Aditya, agree with you too. I’ve been victim to malicious slander too, which has been extremely hurtful at times, and ruined my career opportunities in one area. Oh well, I survived (a co-worker committed suicide for the same attacks). It can be vicious…and this kind is EVIL and how dare we…don’t we know God is watching!
Love & admiration,
Heart
Hola Heart !!
saint, yeah…. i don’t thing many will apply if there is any vaccancy for sainthood, at least not me, i love being human, with its pains and pleasures to apply for being anything. whatever comes, someone more intelligent than me has vbeen watching over me. i have been a victim too, but i don’t belive in returning back that particular favour. about god wathcing over, only if we believed, the world would have been a much better place. God is watching, have u seen god wathcing, god watches through your eyes too, so whatever u do is watched.
love & admiration ( standing erect )
aditya
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gossip is judging other people. for some reason people enjoy “talking about” others.. this can be very hurtful. We should be careful regarding the words we speak for as we give so shall we receive. Words are a force and are very powerful. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could speak only words that would create love, peace and harmony. This of course would require us to be rid of our ego and speak only from our spirit…
Words are words. They are only as powerful as you allow them to be.
It seems you felt like laughing. I did a lot, as for myself. :)
I just made one gossip this morning; thinking once or twice I was doing so, while I was talking to a lovely friend.
You are true, it put me at rest about my situation now, and the person I share the flat with. A person I like very much, nevertheless.
Gossips are bad when they are told with hatred. When people are suffering and wish bad things to an Other. As a revenge. It also happened to me.
Thank you Paulo to make that difference that would light some hearts…
Have a good day.
PS: I really like the drawing behind you. The colors are really beautiful.
My initial reaction is that my experience of being in the company of a gossip,in my own community makes me feel unhappy and uncomfortable ,they usually talk in a negative way about others;they are experienced at ‘jumping ‘ down your throat asking the most personal of questions and its like they have an ‘antenna out’!!! and know your sensetative or weak points.I think they are professional at being gossips..and are v good at it!!! Its their hobby. I have improved over the years at turning the conversation around when in the company of a gossip. I don’t get enjoyment from newspaper articles that run negative articles and lies about famous peoples lives.I prefer real life enhancing contact with others. I am looking forward to reading what others will say about this on the blog!!I remember a nun at school told us that gossiping about others was like ‘emptying the feathers out of a pillow in the wind and never being able to collect all the feathers again’ So it has immediate negative connotations. Happy Monday : ) everyone love Breda
Olá Paulo, acho que a fofoca é algo muito negativo. Um monte de gente fica se metendo e dando opinião sobre a vida dos outros. Não gosto.
abrações grandes!
Before speaking about anyone, I ask myself if I would say the same thing if the person I was talking about was in the room, if the answer is yes, I have no problem with saying it. I do not like to speak negatively about people as I believe the negative attachments to the words will have an effect somewhere in the universe.
Generally, people will talk to each other about other people and about situations and that is something that has been happening forever. I think we should try to remember that when we say something it may have an influence on the person we are speaking with and it is possible it will change their thoughts. It is almost like the butterfly effect. Every action or word spoken can change and alter other things without us even realising.
Love
Alex
x
very wise comment dear Alex Sandra…thank you..
i am now in this kind of state:
i had a terrible fight with a dear person of me in front of “others”…i apologised to him in every possible way..he has forgiven me and knows that i love him..he hasn’t told “others” that he has forgiven me..he has only told them that i apologized..what was their reply? that i am too bad a person and i don’t need to be forgiven, and i should not be forgiven..he was affected by their words..and very sad..and i got very sad..and disappointed in people..people only know how to judge..these “others” know me for 4 years now, and i believe that they dont really “know” that i am a person who just made a mistake..they just belive i am a bad person..so, i hate gossipping and judging and not trying to understand that we are human, and sometimes we react in ways that we afterwards regret for..
so, thank you for your comment..it touched me..
I really like your approach Alex Sandra.
In my opinion, it matches the phrase that helped me deal with all this gossip thing: “One likes to gossip until he starts to be gossiped about.”
Thank you
Yes dear Alex, (& Emi)you are both so right… the spoken word unleashes immense power… Love, Paul x
Dear Emi, Oksana and Paul – Thank you so much for replying to my post- your comments mean a lot :)
Emi – I am grateful that my words helped. As always in any situation unfortunately people do not see the full story of what has happened and they are quick to state an opinion. It is like the saying from the Bible… ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ Many of those people have probably been in a similar situation themselves, but will judge harshly when it is someone else.
Paul – yes, I agree totally, once a word is spoken it is in the universe and cannot be retracted.
This topic also reminds me of what a fellow warrior of light (Nika Marie) wrote on her blog not so long ago…. one story can be very dangerous… you can hear only one story about someone/someplace/something and that can cause us to have a negative view about what we have heard. If we only hear one story and that is a negative one, then we will automatically conjure up negative images or thoughts in our minds if we have not heard any positive ones to balance it out. This can stop us from making friends with amazing people, visiting beautiful places and many other things as we are ‘afraid’ of the bad thing we have heard.
I think it is always important to keep an open mind and consider carefully the source from where the information comes from.
There are usually many sides to a story and as we are all unique individuals it would be almost impossible that we will have exactly the same opinion as the person next to us.
xx