in “The winner stands alone”, by Paulo Coelho
1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.
2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).
3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.
4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.
5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.
6] Using Botox.
7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.
8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.
9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.
10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.
11] Thinking that parents are always right.
12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).
12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.
14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.
15] Believing absolutely everything that is printed.
16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck for no apparent reason and known by the pompous name “necktie”.
17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.
18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.
19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or else that it is worth absolutely nothing.
20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.
21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable.
22] Being convinced that all the famous people have tons of money saved up.
23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.
24] Using all possible means to show that even though you are a normal person, you are infinitely superior to other human beings.
25] In any kind of public transport, never looking straight into the eyes of the other passengers, as this may be taken for attempting to seduce them.
26] When you enter an elevator, looking straight at the door and pretending you are the only person inside, however crowded it may be.
27] Never laughing out loud in a restaurant, no matter how funny the story is.
28] In the Northern hemisphere, always wearing the clothes that match the season of the year: short sleeves in springtime (however cold it may be) and a woolen jacket in the fall (no matter how warm it is).
29] In the Southern hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with cotton wool, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.
30] As you grow older, thinking you are the wisest man in the world, even though not always do you have enough life experience to know what is wrong.
31] Going to a charity event and thinking that in this way you have collaborated enough to put an end to all the social inequalities in the world.
32] Eating three times a day, even if you’re not hungry.
33] Believing that the others are always better at everything: they are better-looking, more resourceful, richer and more intelligent. Since it’s very risky to venture beyond your own limits, it’s better to do nothing.
34] Using the car as a way to feel powerful and in control of the world.
35] Using foul language in traffic.
36] Thinking that everything your child does wrong is the fault of the company he or she is keeping.
37] Marrying the first person who offers you a position in society. Love can wait.
38] Always saying “I tried”, even though you haven’t tried at all.
39] Putting off doing the most interesting things in life until you no longer have the strength to do them.
40] Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.
41] Believing that it is possible to be sure of everything you have won.
42] Thinking that women don’t like football and that men don’t like interior decoration.
43] Blaming the government for everything bad that happens.
44] Being convinced that being a good, decent and respectful person means that the others will find you weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.
45] Being convinced that aggressiveness and discourtesy in treating others are signs of a powerful personality.
46] Being afraid of fibroscopy (men) and childbirth (women).
47] And finally, thinking that your religion is the sole proprietor of the absolute truth, the most important, the best, and that the other human beings in this immense planet who believe in any other manifestation of God are condemned to the fires of hell.
please feel free to use the comments below to add issues that I did not include…
Guilty! Work – I think we still have too spend too long in paid employment to pay for our caves, transport to work, clothes & food- and sadly then, “days off” become days of chores – leaving little time to truly explore true self and for many “disposable income” is a myth! …….shorten the working week, give more people jobs – would solve the “umemployment problem” – but then I guess that may reduce the profit margin and the moneterists wouldn’t like that would they … but I still don’t think I’m all that normal nor conformed or uniform
Hi Paulo and friends. I haven’t read the book .. yet… but some of your statements Paulo are unavoidable in life. For example to provide for one’s family some of us have to work in 9 – 5 boring jobs. I think there’s a difference between materialism and necessity. Some people have a “must have” list… designer bags, shoes ect. – while most of us have a “must survive” list”.
Also regarding smiling at strangers… I used to do this ; here in Ireland we do it (or used to)but with the influx of foreigners in our countries now, they look at you funny if you smile or say good morning to them. I lived in Italy for 6 years and always smiled at people on the street but my Italian friend told me this is not done in Italy as people might think I want something from them. So where does one draw the line? I don’t bother much now…I just do my own thing; There isn’t an ideal world. It would be great to get up and spend the day in the garden or walking on the beach or whatever but it’s not possible. Most of us are not materialistic but realistic… but it doesn’t do any harm to dream.. I think that’s what keeps us going.
spending more time caring more about what others think of you, than thinking about caring about yourself
23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.
Absolutely agree…..
I would also say that not being the slave of those who try to define normality as which is the ‘right’ definition’……just be your self and be the best ’self’ you can!
xxxx
Pretending to be another man
Saying that self love is the most important thing there is and then feeling sorry for a single person!
Thinking that some culture is above an other and some should be buried away…
Being part of the crowd whatever it is about. Not thinking anything and accepting whatever “they” say to accept. Following fashion or anything. :)
not saying I love you when it feels like I do!
Talking in riddles and hoping to be understood.
Love has its own destiny! Fit’in riddles..
I don’t know if the following fit the criteria of the inventory of normality. I’ve noticed all of them have to do with attitudes that hinder, in my opinion, people’s inner growth, so I would call them inventory of inappropriate common attitudes:
Thinking that if you marry someone that person belongs to you both body and soul.
Feeling guilty about things that in the end are unimportant to you, but important for others.
Blaming others for your inability to make decisions.
Thinking that routine is the normal state of things and people should accept it as unavoidable.
Feeling that close people should do everything to please you for the sake of love.
Playing a happy role so that the others don’t percieve that you are not satisfied with your life.
Showing confidence when you walk along the street to keep a distance from other people.
Not showing your feelings.
Thinking that love should be like a fairy tale with a happy end.
Thinking that love only brings joy and pleasure.
Not keeping eye contact with other people if you are married.
Sacrifying your dreams for the sake of your children.
Not talking about sexuality in the open.
Feeling that only people who have common interests can be your friends.
Having trouble to accept the ones who are different from you either internally or externally.
Resorting to self-pity to justify your lack of success in achieving what you want.
Believing you are unworthy of the good things that happen in your life.
Trying to manipulate things or people in a way that fits your desires.
Getting even at all costs.
Keeping resentment for a long time forgetting about forgiveness.
Feeling inferior because someone left you for another person who is supposed to be younger ,more beautiful and better than you.
Meeting halfway with love because experience tells you soulmates don’t exist and you have to conform yourself with what you have now.
Doubting God is there for you whenever you might need Him to help you carry your burden.
thank you,
when I was reading the original post and all the comments, I though we all went crazy to call this normal….
martijn
The advantage of being a third culture kid .. normal is relative, normal for one culture, one group of people is not the same as for another culture or other group of people.
48. Believing that you can express all a person means to you through the Christmas present you buy them.
49. Buying your husband pyjammas for Christmas because he always sleeps in the nude.
Being convinced that what we are living is not challenging us.
Nice one! I had a laugh reading the list!
May I add:
- Belief in God who sits somewhere in the highest sky and wants us to fight for him against His enemies; that God has enemies.
- In constant quest of happiness instead of experiencing whatever moments with compassion.
- Compulsive thinking about the past and the future while letting all the beauty in the moments passed unrecognized.
- Cannot distinguish “love” and “want to be loved” (or “possessiveness”), consider them to be one and the same.
Love :)
reminds me of http://xkcd.com/610/
thank you, paulo for posting
and from now on thanks god i am not normal
Pretending you love your job: if you don’t, maybe others will think it is not as prestigious as you want them to think it is…
Pretending you love your date: if you don’t, maybe others will think he/she is not as fantastic as you want them to think he/she is…
Pretending you don’t love yourself as much as you do: others might think you don’t need their compassion…
Oh…See a homeless begging for money on the street and pretend there is nobody there.
Thank you for a wonderful list which brings smiles and reassurance both.
I used to be stressed by this urgency for normality… [too long a story for me to explain right now] but i thankful that these days i really do not mind or perhaps care for any of these ‘norms’ as things that I MUST adhere to.
I’ve learnt this through mental health… needing to be well and be rid of illness. The irony shone through on countless times at how normality was often defined by ‘healthy’ but foolish people… whereas ‘unhealthy’ people were often living more wisely. Perhaps it is a question of honesty? and modern life makes fools of ourselves … fashion, commercialism, etc etc.
I finally came to the conclusion that my heart was good… and that there was no way – no matter how much knowledge i held – that i would comprehend the universe… the answer would always be 42… so i should not try to control or contain life… nor guage my life or standardise it through statistics or .. whatever!
hence forth, there was no more madness nor normality.
there is only a good heart.
;o)
I just thought of something, what do you think?:
Making a plan and being its slave./ Fazer planos e ser escravos deles.
Beijos Paulo! Adoro voce!
Also:L
Believing that anyone who has a tattoo is not a good person.
Believing that young people know nothing of life.
Believing that gossiping is ‘in’ (the new trend)
Believing and saying the excuse that we are humans and mistakes are natural, so really others should always forgive us…
Believing that the world is never gonna change, we are actually doomed!
Dreams are for the dreamers, and here (earth) is not a place for dreamers.
If an older man dates a much younger woman, she is a sl*t, she dates him for the money (Again young people do not know anything of life!) or if an older woman dates a younger man, she is cougar…
LOve and Graditude
Annie
Beautiful Annie. All very good
I love this list! I love how, through your writing, you ‘give back’ the freedom to the individual, that inherently does and should belong to us. Thank you Paulo!!
And your list is great too Annie.
There are many great lists and I can’t think of any. Though I think ‘normal’ is crazier than the craziest abnormality!
God bless!
Love,
C.
‘Dreams are for the dreamers and here[earth] in not a place for dreamers’. ;-]
But, ANNIE, the .. ‘time and space’ is a matter of .. perception! I AM, ALREADY, THERE! I AM LOVE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BQMgCy-n6U&feature=related
There is a place for US, all DREAMERS, Warriors of the Light!
‘WEST SIDE STORY’ and the wonderful music of Leonard Berstein.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Who decides what is normal?
Is the world black or white, or grey, or all coulors ?
We all have our own truth deep inside of us.
But we are also sharing, so we are all ONE in some aspects.
Love Jessica
not following your dreams because others believe they are unachievable.
having children even if you have no desire to have them because it is a natural thing.
Believing the critics for film & book reviews, even though all they ever do is criticize.
4] I do hope I can avoid this situation.
15] Some people do. I definitely do not.
25] I’m there, definitely! Scared of being accused of trying to seduce somebody. Accusee being myself or others. So much feeling of guilt involved.
34] Using the car as psychologist, as the psychologist would not understand what you were talking about anyway.
38] I have tried enough to owe money. I’m not taking up more loans for wild goose chase. Now you do the chasing!!!!!!!
39] I’m hoping 2010 will be the year for change. I’m starting to work with this already now.
Cansou dos videos?
Abrações!
Is normality supposed to be so boring. That’s why I always feel like breaking rules and creating some little commotion around especially when I am surrounded from people who obey to this kind of boring manners…Even though I admit it: I am guilty, for being normal too!…:PPP ;DD
In those rare times when I dared obey to these strong feelings, I just loved the criticizing eyes of those who were around me…I don’t know in what way they might have judged me, but I just was trying to break the moments of that gray monotony, bringing some smiles or laughs to those who would wanted to.
I remember once, long time ago, when two of my friends my sister and I decided to go somewhere (it was a special place where we used to meet with other friends), pretending that the four of us were drunk in full midday. What actresses! The unbelievable part to us was that they believed it. When I still think of that day today I can’t avoid laughing. We didn’t do anything scandalous but mostly very funny faces and funny talking. Our friends had fun, they told us that we are crazy and that what we were behaving like it wasn’t normal for us. But we never told them that in reality we were sober, because one of us four was feeling a bit ashamed of that crazy idea.
A pity, because I thought that that would have been the best part of it and share some other laughs together, and remove that daily gray expression from their faces once again.
I miss those days sometimes!
Paulo, I think that maybe I should have thought of this before, when you first asked for our lists of being normal but it came into my mind:
This list seems created mostly for adults. I think that the list would be really complete if there would be added some other lists from minors. Even though normality is adult’s illness, children start getting ill from these disease as well.
Love
Olta
your right i think and i think if my own kids thanks for sharing what you think
I think that I am going to .. re-read the ‘Winner stands alone’..
Your books, dear Paulo Coelho, are like … classical music; every time I read them I … ‘hear’ new notes and new … possibilities!!
Thank you!!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Good Thelma is realy I make the same many times and you fine something new when you read.
Kises for you and for all in here and Happy New Year.
Yes my beautiful amiga Rosa, Paulo’s books keep us company in our Journey. They work like … magical books; finding the right answers at the right time!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Not smiling in a morning subway, because we are going to a place we truly dislike. For money, spare and dust.
I’m reading “The winner stands alone” in those days. Little by little. I discovered so many things about myself. Well, that’s a gift. Probably, I’ll tell more when I finish it.
Still, the structure looks like cinematographic. As “The witch”. The style is a bit different as before though. Anyway, I like it very much.
I wonder why the red carpet is empty in the french’s cover… but I can’t stop smiling, discovering that.
Love & gratitude,
Catherine.
Thank you for sharing, Paulo.
Hi everyone,
I ask myself what´s the purpose of the inventory of normality?
Every moment holds uncountable possibilities and so every person. In order to become better persons I think it´s important to be personal and not general with statements, although it´s often not pleasant and normal.. The above propositions can be helpful when I set them in relation to myself. Then I become more conscious and the very consciousness itself (Life) can and will work with my honesty.
E.g.:
1) I think what makes me forget my true identity and my dreams is…am I sure? or would I like to know? then I can formulate the question.
2) My thoughts about the Geneva Convention are…will/can I truly believe in these thoughts?
3)Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job….I think this happens to a lot of people, so it´s a kind of norm…I wish it changes for better. Is there something I will, can do?
…
I hope what I have written makes sense to you and others here.
I admire your openness and earnestness, with Love, Doris
“Hay tantas otras cosas en el mundo;
Un instante cualquiera es mas profundo
Y diverso que el mar.” Jorge Luis Borges
:-) translated in Juan Arias book about you that I am just reading.
Thank you Life – Merci la Vie
I’ve been travelling a bit on your blog since yesterday, and would like to thank you for such words of wisdom.
“When you take from me, I feel given to.”
Ruth Bebermayer
Thank you
:-)
Thinking that you endure the haviest burden in the world on your shoulder and thinking that everyone should like listening to your laments all day long.
What a fact slap !
Hope, this will change people normality in the future or more likely the future generation.
Wanting to live other people’s life.
…and believing that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Being so full of work, that you don’t even have time to spend with yourself…
Excellent one Gabriela!
Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of Jamaican Rum
RT! Starve your self so that you think you look beautiful
Thinking that everybody loves to party and take drugs
Thinking that cheating on a loved one is ok because everybody does it
Having 20,000 friends on your social network >> even though you are 1: not famous & 2: never met one of them in your life
Commenting on a blog just to be negative
Thinking humans are not animals and are the birth child of the master of the universe
Thinking humans are animals and will never surpass that
I’ll have to add to this later!
Believing it is best to leave a battle halfway and pretend in denial it never happened, rather than to see it through, however difficult, and face the result.
Just one word, fantastic!!
My life have some part of it… unfortunately
Believing competition is more gainful than collaboration for the growth and variety of the world
Using complaining as a technique to gain social bonding. (That’s my favourite)
It works a lot in fact.
Love
Olta
Washing your car EVERY sunday morning regardless of whether it needs cleaned or whether you have more important things to get done…
(For a while I lived in a neighbourhood where almost every man in the street would be outside early on a Sunday morning cleaning their car and it will stick in my mind forever!! )
pretend that whatever “tendency/believe” you’re following is brought you to the “ultimate” truth.
love wins! love is insanity!
Trying to dress like everyone else because “it is the trend”
Enjoy and “keep” Prostitutes; Be a Corruptor or being Corrupted; Farisaisms as general; “Do what I say, but don’t do what I do!”; “Nobody makes real money, just (only) working!”; Avoid sex with your wife just after having children !; Estimulates your boy to loose virginity with prostitutes !; “American Pie”‘ fan; For poor people, as charity, give them only used and old cothes. The goods ones that does not fit anymore sell it to a “brechó”; The way you get are valids to get your goal! (Os meios justificam os fins!); Vibrators; “White” lie !; Lie a litle !; cont…..
Excellent! But I’m sure you can write this in a thousand years and it’ll remain true. Animals ?
Pretend like it doesn’t matter, when all you were wanted at one point of life was THAT!
I don’t think that that is especially normal behaviour, i think it’s the things people describe as normal in order to give themselves a smug feeling of superiority because they don’t behave like that. There are few items on that list that describe anyone i know, anyway.
I find it is because “most men (people) leads lives of quiet desperation” (H.D. Thoreau – one of my favorites). It is “normal” for what people think is prescribed behavior in society. People are so unsure of themselves they think the superiority is the “norm”. There is no normal. I couldn’t be further from these items and I am so happy about that.
Thinking to have the solution when you don’t even know what is the problem.
hi
i’m iranian and loves your book cause they are very very wonderful and i’m dicide to read this your book
i loved iloved
thanks for this
Starve your self so that you think you look beatiful and then there are thousands of people daying from starvation everyday
those who can afford to eat don’t and those who are starving can’t afford to eat. what kind of unjust world do we live in.?
wow ! every person after reading this have to self evaluate them and check how close you stand either to normalcy or to insanity ?