Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again. Forgiving changes the perspectives. Forgetting loses the lesson.
Quote of the Week
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{ 110 comments… read them below or add one }
You are the most important person in YOUR LIFE
You come first, always will.
It makes you feel good
It makes a lot of sense.
It is the best investment in your life :YOU.
So look after it in the best possible way – YOUR WAY -
I experience that forgetting is easier than forgiving. I have to force myself to remember and not to surrender again.
The Dalai Lama once wrote that the key to happiness and peace lies in the selfish act. When I read this I thought he was joking. When I read on I realised that he was right. If a person wants to be happy, then they have to think about themselves first and give themselves the chance to move on. Forgiving is a major part of this. If we forgive, then we are in fact, doing ourselves a favour.
Zee right.
Forgiving is letting go of the pain and anger. It doesn’t mean necessarily rekindling a relationship. But forgiving is an act of letting go and moving forward.
However never forget the lessons learnt from each and every experience. Things happen for a reason. And although we all make mistakes and we all ask for forgiveness as some time, we must learn to live with the consequences of our and others’ actions.
Let go of the past, take only the lessons learnt in order to live happily in the present and work towards the future.
You can forgive, but you cannot forget. That`s a fact.
You can forgive somebody what he or she has done to you. Thus you personally change your lifestyle or your convictions – the pain dissapears and sets you free. As a result you SHOULD forgive your fellow men, because we all have to remember that we are human beings, and “to err is human” like Seneca said.
…but you cannot forget or, to be more precise, you SHOULD NOT forget. Nobody of us can forget his past. You just can try to suppress the past, but that makes you sick.
So, try to forgive as good as you can but don`t try to forget ;)
Besos, Pila
a very correct quote…i forgave my X but i will never forget what he did to me….
with love,
Naveli
I think forgive and forget ! Your subconscious mind will take care about the lesson :) When forgive and forget you are free to experience again without fear, what is better than that …
Can one intentionally forget?
Dear Tarek, I think, we can intentionally forget, by making new thoughts about a matter and by putting new sentiments about the same ‘story’. These must be based on our Power of Creative fantasy, I think, and our WILL to .. forget and set ourselves FREE.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
That is a question I’ve made myself while reading this quote.
Intentionally forget, and how? In which way? And…
To much questions…heheheh
Love
Olta
forgive is not about to forget but forgive is about to remenber without feeling any pain
I’ll forget to think about that. don’t know
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
I’m not an expert, but I don’t think so! I think that forgetting takes place in the ‘subconscious’ after true forgiveness (liberation) has taken place. I think if we make an effort to forget, it only reminds us of the situation more! Some people resort to hyperactivity, which is only a cover-up !!!
I’m out of here, so help me God !!! Goodbye!
hesitate only mad you painful.prayer is the best solution to guide you to the right way.Sometimes there’s a thing that you cannot and must to forget but, forgiving something can make you relief or the person that you’v been or was hurting you….its just we as a human has a different perspective on how we accept and judge the memory. Bad or god…. i believe in soul…only heart can handle it. Our mindness and feeling will told us the answer…..FORGIVE…FORGET…TQ..
This is really true. You cannot just say that you will forgive and forget. It is hard to forgive but it is harder to forget.
Forgive but not forget I like that
This quote comes to me at a time in my life where I am battling over some personal problems. I really am thankful that you have posted this because it really helps me focus on what I should do. I have always been raised with the belief that one should always forgive and forget. But this compromises what my heart wants to do and what my mind tells me I should do. Thank you for this. You have really helped me out.
Dear Wen–
I too have always been taught forgive & forget, but I am grateful for the discernment and wisdom of the quote and also your comment. For me it has not been that I have not wanted to forget once I forgive–but its on the contrary that I find myself remembering more the more (and not forgetting) so that I have to work on forgiving (especially if I feel like there was personal damaage done by someone else’s to me). I was always taught that once you forgive, (in order for true forgiveness to occur) you must also “forget”. As I’ve aged over the years, I realize that what we “should” do (or what others have reccommended us to do–or what others tell us we “must” do), is certainly not always the best policy to adopt, nor is it what our own hearts may be telling us to do. I love the simple, yet strong point that this quote makes for both of us!! “(Yes), forgive, but,( No), do not forget. Forgiveness changes perspectives.”–forgiveness is for us to keep our hearts open to life and love and learning–”Forgetting”–not taking into account the changes and damage done allows it to continue to happen to us again and again and we “lose the lesson”. So, it is about protecting ourselves, but its about learning and loving and being wiser and maturing as well as we grow and open.
Many Blessings and Peace Be to You!!–
Time will heal all wounds. Take 5 minutes to listen to this straight to the point song/text. I believe I found a WOL. I hope he will find us soon;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xtglWplwLQ
nice :o)
Hello Heart,
This is an amazing song!!!!!
(just shared it along)
Oh I love music! Thank you.
Love, Jane : )
I agree and simultaneously I disagree.
When it comes naturally, yes, forgive and/or forget.
But, one should never forgive, just to be seen as the nice person or the polite one or because it sounds correct.
Our feelings are a TRUE PART of us. If we don’t let them be expressed, then we mutilate parts of our psychism. As I have written before, I am not in favour of hitting/killing people. I am in favour of expressing our feelings, whatever they have to say.
And when (triggered from a bad event: betrayal, pain…) the pain is totally relieved, then “forgiving” (not “forgetting) comes naturally. And all the relevant lessons, as well!
My best to everyone in this blog…it’s has been a while!!
Hi Giannis, We have missed you!
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Yes, What you said is right and I totally agree, but occasionally, the anger is still lingering.
forgiving will not change perspective, changing perspective allows one to forgive. if u are forcing u’rself to forgive, u are creating more troubles for yourself, repression. Paulo, my old freind, it’s important to get it right, the horse before the cart or cart before the horse. usually we remain identified with one perspective, our own, but nothing stops us from switching as many perspectives aswe want / need, much like charecters who play double or multiple roles in a movie. how is the party shaping up and your unplanned voyage !!
love
adi
I agree with you, Adi, because I think changing perspective is the key that we have to use in order to see good aspects even in bad situations. I soffered a lot in my past because I was obstined to keep the same perspective but when I understood that changing perspective was necessary in order to stop suffering, I was relieved and also I stopped hating a person. It is hard to learn to change our perspective but we could improve only with practice :)
Love, Alice
Ps: it is the first time I write in this blog so I’m sorry for my imperfect english :)
True. though, it’s hard to forgive, when I still evident;y remember the things or words or people who hurt my heart…
When I keep remembering the bad thing that people did to me, I am angry. I don’t know if I can ever be happy without forgetting and forgiving. Is this the way how we were inborn with? or there are just no angels on earth.
The importance of learning from the past is represented in the ancient system of wisdom in West Africa by the Sankofa adinkra symbol… which literally means, return and get it.
to see the symbol.. http://www.adinkra.org/htmls/adinkra/sank.htm
Catherine,
thanks a lot!
like the symbol & the story :o)
It loooks interesting, but what exactly I have to look for? It openes a starting page with symbols, than?
Thank you
Love Alexandra
When we forgive, we take our part of responsibility for allowing someone to hurt us, since very seldom they do without being allowed to do so by us.
Not forgetting is just being aware to those around us to share the best we have, without inviting danger in when our gut tells us is there.
easy to forgive hard to forget and vise verse. You never knew what’s written in feeling….hard to predict somebody with a n angel face but, deep inside their mean…same situation when you think that somebody has forgiven you but the fact is, they where not because you never knew.human nature….God has made this world with vise verse principle…no hesitate without revenge…no forgiveness without forgotten….only feeling and our character decided what we want to do…everything is all about how you control you mindedness and feeling… Prayer to seek forgiveness with Almighty is the best option…it will relief you…TQ.M
for me it is hard to forgive. I am a “revenger”.
But luckily, I forget easily. And yes, then I lose the lesson.
“Forgiving changes the perspectives”
I found out that it really does not work for me to have the intent to forgive. I actually first try to change my perspective. to find a different “set of glasses” so that I can look at the situation in a different way and also include my actions. Sometimes, I begin to see, how specific “buttons” were pushed in me. this can then change also my perspective. So, it is important for me to “go into the dungeon of my mind” :o)
The process of forgiving runs then often parallel and is a result of looking at the whole situation from a different angle.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But time can help with it :o)
The more I do it, the better I like it :o)
<3
-K
mind is like a slut, but we have to choose
mind is what U make of it, slut then slut sain then saint, u are responsible, mind is merely an instrument
love
adi
if you are practical above words –make sense,
but if u are like u sir, then no -forgive and forget best medicine.
this quote inspires me a lot because im in a situation in my life where i want to do forgive and forget. i loved someone a lot and they left me when i needed them the most. when we were together they promised me that they will always be there and will always love me. they made a lot of sacrifices in their life for me and i am greatful for that. however, they started hating me all at once for no reason. they hurt me. called me bad names. and now they behave that i did something ot them and its my fault and they dont want to see me or talk to me. i feel so hurt. i dont know how to react to this at all. i have always loved and been sincere. why are they saying that i did something wrong. what should i do? forgive? but forgive how they are not even seeking forgivness… forget? forget how they hate me so much taht they don’t let me forget…what does one do in a situation when does not have the power to either forgive and forget? i would like to haev someones opinion on this. thank you so much.
I think each one in the world have encounted the situation as same as you .at least I have had that’s like your heart being splitted .no way out .feel the pain and let time take it over.
if you can forget and forgive .do it right now .
if you can’t ,let it be .because someday you have to forget and forgive since there still have so many things need to do and taste .we indeed have no time to waste in this kind of things .
I have got it with three years! and i can’t assure I won’t stumble into the same situation in my remaining life .let it come naturely ,let it go naturely .I think it this way .
take care .dear maktub ,you will be nice .
Dear Maktub,
Unfortunately this kind of situations aren’t a rare thing. They happen, people get hurt as someone hurt you. You just can’t help that, but I want to give you this counsel;
If you can, please just forget them because first of all, it will help you. It will be you the first one who will feel a big relief from all the story. At first forgive in your heart, it doesn’t matter if they ask for it or not. And about to forget, it is not easy, that I know. Especially when you are too much hurt, but if you will be able to forgive at first time will help with the rest, and you will see that the whole story will serve as a life lesson to you.
Love & Peace
Olta
I find if I do not forgive, it causes me more pain and destruction than it does to the person who has done wrong. I let go the anger, pain and frustration of the situation but always remember to make sure it will not happen again.
I used to be a very trusting, naive person, but then I came across a ‘devil’ in the same way as Paulo did in ‘The Pilgrimage’. Since then many lessons have been learnt and I no longer see things through the same foolish eyes.
Forgive? easier said than done! but I believe in forgiving because if don’t I’ll be stuck in that moment forever. Forget? Sure! again easier said than done! but I guess it’s a lot easier than forgiving.
I always follow my heart and forgive so and also in front.Move on.Kisses to all,Meire.
Forgiving but not forgetting.
I always thought that one shouldn’t only forgive but even forget, and I could made peace with my self that i could forgive but not forget.
Most of time I think, Why do I put my self into such kind of situations? Keep disagreeing with my self on things which are just so obvious and logic. Wish one day I just could stop doing that…
In my life as with anyone it has happened to get hurt by the people you believe in or worst, that you love the most. At first time when that happens it makes you think that you can’t trust or love no one in the world, which happens to be the saddest thing in the world.
In one of your posts “The seventh and last cardinal virtue: Equilibrium” you have posted a story with a woman who always tried to be nice to others till one day she lost her patience with a man, and she hit him. Than she talked to a monk an he said to her : “YOU DID WRONG TO HATE HIM. NEXT TIME FILL YOUR HEART WITH LOVE AND HIT HIM, BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY LANGUAGE HE KNOWS”
Being persons that I always loved, I couldn’t keep my heart on anger anymore, because that was destroying me day after day.
And even now I can’t, i always try to get off of me all the negative energies I can.;P
I was sure I couldn’t trust them anymore but I couldn’t stop loving and being there for them even though we never were the same again.
I learned to keep forgiving more than once(even though I don’t know If I am really able to forgive too much) but to never forget to not aloud my self to let them hurt me again.
Thank you Paulo! In your words I found somebody else’s wise words, which I need so much.
Love
Olta
Great story, hit with love…I had that problem too, trusting and being disappointed by people I love, and once being in Church I listened the priest saying about that, and talking about Jesus that was betrayed and denied by the people most near to him. Was like the priest knew my problems. Well, the way he spoke really touched my heart, and he stressed that we must bear all the burdens we have to, and thats why we have to prepare our soul and to be strenghten from a young age, with help of faith. (religion)
Else, people say I have a great quality, that is I get angry fast, but as fast I get angry I let it pass.
Sometimes I pretend not to see things, better than having a fight.For example once I needed money, and I had a book that I read before, so took it to a shop of used books. The woman said will pay it once she sale the book. I was checkink once a week if was sold, she always complained that no much costuners. The weird thing was I did not see the book exposed. I had doubts, so once I went there, ask if book sold, she said no. I said ok, so give it back to me, my mom have not read it. Without a word she paid the money in that second…I can bet book was sold, or she took it home …But pretend I was unaware.
Love
Alexandra
forgiving is a choice, forgeting is beyond uman control, it is not a matter of choice, just the reverse happnes if u consciously try to forget
I drove past a church today that had on its sign by the road…”Forgive for you. Best revenge? Forget.” Not sure if that compliments or contradicts this week’s quote but it’s certainly related….Though I wondered, at a place for God, why the focus might start at revenge. Hoping that was just a teaser to get people in the door and not the whole of the message. To my mind, forgetting may be it’s own revenge, but the forgiving is good for all. Since to err is human, we have, each of us, a lot to forgive and ask forgiveness for.
(On a side note, I finished The Pilgrimage today….WOW! Paulo, you’re an amazing writer and an even more wonderful human being. With your sword, you’re a human DOING…and reminding us all the time to fight the good fight for all the right reasons. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.)
~Melyssa
Dear Melyssa, I just love this line you wrote :
“Forgive for you. Best revenge? Forget.”
Love
Olta
Eu perdôo, mas aprendo….perdôo com o coração, mas a pessoa fazer outra vez? Sem chance….porque perdoar é uma coisa, dar a chance da pessoa fazer a mesma coisa outra vez….”em geral” as pessoas que são perdoadas continuam sendo elas mesmas….então o perdão é somente com o coração, pra não guardar mágoa e ficar doente.Da energia do perdão eu usufruo,mas ser humano é ser humano…como eu aprendi isso? Perdoando várias vezes…….=)
EU TAMBEM! oBRIGADA
and keep walking
This reminds me of “I forgive you once…shame on you. I forgive you twice…shame on me.”
There is a freedom in forgiving , because the person will lose its power over you. but I do not lose a lesson.
Forgive and forget-wisdom.Forget and forgive-conformism.Astonishment(inner Alchemie) is possible by changing the point of support.
I don’t know if I forgive but I always put the bad stuff at the back of the cabinet and forget it. Otherwise I’d go mad thinking of how bad people can be sometimes.
I forgive those who have hurt me and have broken my wings, my most beautiful dreams. I forgive them and have already forgotten their names and faces. I feel sorry for them. They may have thought that they have taken away my .. joy, money or property but actually nothing was taken away from me. Because nothing in this world is ‘real’. We cannot hold anything in our hands for ever. Good and Bad moments come and go. Our feelings and thoughts are what keep up reliving and remembering. I do not want to ..poison my soul and mind with other’s evil deeds. I let them get their …reward or punishment from LIFE and Karma. Because I know that whatever is sent to the Universe is coming back seven times stronger. I just want and need to LOVE and Be LOVED. By forgiving our ‘Enemies’ we free ourselves from bitterness and hate. Then we feel light, like a ..butterfly, the ΨΥΧΗ, flying towards the Light.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
yes ,yes .if who always hug the hate tightly in arms ,who’d only be hurt thousands of times by the self hatred feeling .since others maybe have forgetten and who didn’t think it should be a hurt to you.
just ,there are sometimes ,we know the reason very nice ,only it’s a little hard to work it out .
so do you have some suggestion? I really wish I can get a help from anyone who knew the helping.
Dear Thelma,
Yes!!!!!!!!!
Since December, had a heavy feeling in my heart because of something that I did last year (wrote a letter). And was so so so hopeful. Even though writing that letter helped me in unexpected ways, still had to face disappointment and losing. Why? Because I walked in those shoes for 16 years, and hoped that addressing it would make a positive difference. Maybe no one else would be treated this way.
Usually, forgiving is easy to do. But for this one thing, not so easy.
Yet, can be glad that I did something, rather than nothing.
Thank you Thelma, Love, Jane : )
Personally it takes me time to forgive; and even at that I forgive in my heart but not to the person… I never forget because it will hurt me if I allow things back into my life. So if you never hear from me I have forgiven but not forgotten! Just though of this Irish song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn3ujNAuEik
This was discussed here a few months ago with a video from Paulo!
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2009/04/13/forgiving-and-forgetting/
Hi dear Mr. Paulo
If u want to get out of your past you must be free of it as I’ve read in” Zahir” you can share it to somebody,
Forgiving is the point, even the person (she/he) isn’t deserve to be forgiven I deserve peace.
It’s not easy I’ve tried but sometimes it’s difficult you review the story and you find the person guilty even though sometime you will forgive that person, I don’t know what happens!
I think even if we want to forget about it, it won’t be forgotten “completely” because it will remain in our unconscious
If we can change it to dangerous bell it will be helpful!
Good luck
Be like an elephant, never forget.
Shane.
its a very apt quote for todays world where everyone fighting with once brother. when you forgive your enemy, that annoy much than avenge.
sajeer:)
How very well put! I couldn’t agree more
“To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid knowledge that the one that must be loved is not a friend. There is no merit in loving an enemy when you forget him for a friend.” Mohandas Gandhi
I grew up listening to words like this. I always understood “don’t forget” as a way to protect my self in case the same situation appeared gain. “Not to forget” is in this sense like the armor the warrior wears. This armor puts us in the path of learning.
That was wise. Thank you
We have been taught to forgive and forget; to tell the truth, I forgive people with great difficulty and never forget their acts but now at this stage when I am 50+ years old I feel forgive and forget is a best solution to forget the pain or hurt of the past and helps us to carry forward in life. Otherwise, everytime we meet the person who caused us pain we recollect the whole thing again and undergo the same pain again and again so better to forget and start afresh. as for as question of learning a lesson I think the bitter experience leaves an impression in our mind and we become cautious and never feel hurt if we have to face the same humiliation or injustice or whatever it is that caused pain to us. But, it is easier said than done as it is very difficult for me to forget.
Dear Paolo
I tend to believe that that citation well has been there for me. I tend to imagine that you read the posts and that that citation is there to help me, to guide me. I will hold to that “imagination” and that makes me feel important and supported. You know, a year ago, or a little bit more, I was living something similar with my husband and I know that I saw that citation and that made an impact … but I forgot. And then, here it comes again. Yes, in my case, when I forgive I tend to forget … and here I am this morning reliving the same pattern … the call, the discussion, a place where I can understand my husband, forgive him and … that thought that maybe a fourth time around it will be a success … my body is like shaking. I feel like there is an important step for me to do, which consists of “seeing the truth, the real of that situation”, of in forgiving not forgetting all the elements of the past that are recurring in the present and that will occur in the future, since my husband is not at the moment on a path of reconciliation with himself, is still invaded by his fears and his past that brings him to struggle and struggle. I have no more the energy to “help” him, to support him, to cope with his battle. I have the feeling that I need not to do the same as in the past in order to find out the lessons to be retained of why I persisted in staying there and not wanting to give importance to the signs that were there all along, to find out the hidden link that I am in the process of braking. Your words help me to stay true to my inner voice, the one that came out stronger today as I read your words … I used to say to my husband “nothing new under the sun” … that was the reality and that will be again for in the relation there are two and in one does not walk, the other has to carry him, encourage him, take charge, which I do not have the energy no more. And also, I need to find out why I needed that companion … thinking of the boat in the dream of a friend shared in the community … needed like a protector all the time, but the best protector is God, not a human being … Funny, because a friend send me a message, to go see the center of the Bible, Psalm 118:8 which says to rely on God and not on human (something like that) and told me: “When things get tough, always remember that faith does not get you around trouble, it gets you through it”. Well, putting my bathing cap on, diving in the sea to go to the bottom in order to retrieve the lessons that has to be retrieved for me. So, thanks, yes, I will not try to repeat the past errors in believing that it would be different. I will do different now in order to go beyond.
Love, Jojo.
I wish I could read your mind, not only your posts. No, the sentence is for me
Today I had to go in few places, and I remembered a guy who was trying to make me his lover, insisting much, he was kind of good looking, rich, but not intellectual( not much school). I had some affair with him, but he had no patience and let me know he was back with his ex. Than again he stared to follow me, search information about me, phone, that a long time, I mean years. I did not trust him. Once I was down, no money and situation, I said what the hell, I try again. I was to visit him, met his girl, had a talk… Next day invited me again, I go. There the surprise. He offered me a coffee. I was sipping it, but he said me to hurry to have sex with him, for he was late to business, and that he was sorry he gave me so much cfoffee( it was a small cup).I thought he was joking. But he started behave and talk stangely, menacing me. I start to think what to do to escape from there. I said I must go.Took my bag and cloak and I was in a second at door, he called me idiotic fool and hit me once, while I was going out…I was so happy to be out, even ashamed and shocked by all, and thought that it could be end even worse. I went home looking back afraid he come after me.
For a while he let me be. Than started again calls.
He used to greet me on street as if we are the best friends in that world, not caring I am not replying, and turn my head.
Sometimes I see him on street when no one around, than I am afraid.
Today I was thinking what a bad thing would be meeting him. When someone touches me, greeting…Was him! I felt so bad, and more because I was feeling I was about to meet him.
I entered ashop, looking around. But when I went out, he stop in front of me and start making the fool, as nothing happened. I said to him I not have nice memories with him, but he said he dont ask forgiveness for I am not willing to forgive him. I said ok, forgive you, but again no need, thanks. He insist and said not to scold him, when I just remembered him how he called me idiot for not hurrying to have sex…
I said I have too much to do, busy, and escaped while he was making faces to me…
I admitt he was well dressed, sure many wonen likes him, but he is such impossible, that I am better without. Even I had nightmares because of his behaviour.
So, fit the quote to that event in my life, I forgive but not forget.
Love
Alexandra
Oh Alexandra that must have been really shocking to you! You are such a kind person! Really I don’t think that you deserve such kind of treatment.
Love
Olta
interesting!
Alexandra,
What a terrible situation for you to have been in and to worry in case you see this person again. The best thing to do is hold your head high and not to take notice, as this person is just trying to intimidate you because you did not pay him the ‘attention’ he wanted. You are a brave warrior and I hope you never have to walk in the path of this person again.
Love
Alex
Dear Sir Thanks a lot for this quote
You are reading gospels again
Well, that sentence being for you comes in a right time for me.
:-)
Jojo
Thank you so much Hildegarde for that. Four important points here. This is very helpful.
Love, Jojo.
what u can’t read their minds ?? u the magician, u the druid, u the alchemeist ?? hey u must be kidding, i am sure u can read minds !!
Dear Annie, good to read you. You are leaving yourself a challenge as I am in another aspect. Reading “I choose to accept the challenge and the journey” gave me, with that citation, another boost of strength. Thanks for sharing Annie.
Love, Jojo.
however that didn’t stop us from seeing the world in a beautiful way , yes, dear!we are all be with you!
Seems dear Annie that my learning process to become wiser gets me out of the boat and wet most of the time … I cherish the moments on the boat, find the water cold but now for sure, even if it’s demanding, that once I get up on the boat joy and fulfillment will be more present. Need to accept my path … Thank you for being there Annie. Can’t wait to meet you!
Love, Jojo.
totally agree .many times we should forgive ourself first then to others .I have one workmate,she spoke one thing she made wrong ten years ago___what do you think?TEN years ,who knows how she recalled it to the mind nowadays and there are three weeks she was crying for it .O ,my god ,I really wish she forgive herself !since it’s a very very tiny mistake in other’s eyes .she knew it tiny but she can’t forgive herself and bring such agony to people around !
to her ,if she can’t forgive herself ,she’d never be able to move on and she hurt herselve as well as .and she won’t forgive the one who drive her comit the wrong as well,although that one have forgetten early!
so You are indeed right .my dear wise sister Annie .
Thanks, Annie! I had not thought of it this way, in terms of forgiving myself, but that is a beautiful perspective as well. I do have to forgive myself for some mistakes, and having done that, it feels so free :)
yeah, forgive yourself when you cannot forgive.
it is a great start to work on forgiving others :o)
next time ,hide a moss in your bag ,catch him out of guard and ……to the eyes !that person should not be forgetten or forgiven but a punish!…….and ,better do it in public !
Ohh, thank you my dear friends Wols, Olta Ana, Gaurry, Alex Sandra. I feel better now with your support. Sometimes people make feel a woman the one who was searching for, and therefore guilty. So I am also ashame talking about that. But is great I dont meet him often, at least.
Much love
Alexandra
Wise words Gaurry.
It seems that we have so much in common Alexandra. hehehehe
It must be because we are both signs of fire. hehehe
And about getting angry and letting it pass that fast it is the same with me. 5 minutes of anger for me are enough and too much at the same time. hehehhe
Much Love
OLta
It’s a “Hit”!
know how you must have felt Alexandra. Similar experience.
Needs ” to be strengthen from a young age with faith”yEP WITH
Education.
Love
thank you so much for replying gaurry. i think that what you said is really nice “let it come naturally, let it go naturally” . but because i love that person so much i still keep on hoping and wishing that they will come back. anyway thank you so much for replying =)
thank you so much for replying Olta. I think that somewhere in my heart i have forgiven that person. but i still love them a lot which makes forgetting them very difficult. even though they have hurt me so much i still wonder if and wish that come back. we human beings are so strange. = )
You feel that way because of love, and love is strange to us. But there is these words I want you to see. I know them from the gospels :
“Don’t through your precious gems to the beasts, because they will eat them and them they will come to rend you too.”
It is a bit harsh to be thought like that but, think of it this way:
Don’t waste your tears and love on someone who is never going to appreciate them, but in case it is not so than just have faith and forgive with all your heart, in any case. The love that you have will help to forgive, and heal you to forget too.
Love
Olta
I am reading mAKTUB 2
Dear Maktub,
I read your story a few times.
And like Guarry, have been in these shoes too.
Although, not sure what the exact situation is, but can share how I think and feel, and maybe you will find something useful.
Everyone chooses their own behaviour. I try to understand myself better and that helps me understand situations better. So, I pray – talk to god, and have a look at me. Then, make a sincere apology. Like recently, realizing about being stubborn.
One time, I thought that someone was cross and they were not. He was only out of touch, busy with his own stuff to do, it had nothing to do with me. But, glad that I asked, rather than assume forever lol! Then, one time my feelings were hurt but after praying about it, realized that that person is not on this earth to please me.
Oh gosh, so much to learn.
I love people that do not love me in return. I love people that I have never met and love friends that I rarely see, yet each of us pick up the threads when we get together so easily, like there was no time at all between visits.
I pray to have a loving purpose, to not be insecure, and trust love more.
I made promises too, to love forever and it is possible, to keep those promises.
But is it possible to promise to stay physically together forever? Even though intending to when the promise was made? My experience so far has led to yes, and no. And gosh, I am still learning too!
Lots of Love, Jane : )
easy to say ,hard to do .I knew that feeling .no way out .have to suffer and let the time take it .however ,anything can happened .maybe they will return back.Maktub ,I’ll pray for you !
May you make anything nice !
I know that by experience dear Gaurry. But I even know that sometimes the most difficult persons to forgive and then forget can be someone who has hurt people more precious to you than a best friend or a boyfriend. Maybe it is easier to forgive someone ho has hurt you than someone you love most, which life has become a living hell.
The point is that such kind of situations can teach us how to love more. These, forgiving, etc., are just some little steps…
It is hard but it is part of the miracle of life. You, maktub everyone can do it.
Love
Olta
try the symbol that looks like a bird/goose/duck! ;o)
I agree with you dear Theresa,
I am afraid that the attempt to intentionally “forget” will lead to a kind of suppression (moving the situation to the unconscious) that is more dangerous and harmful than being a healing process.
Forgetting (if it really exists) should be like wound healing a spontaneous process that have to takes its time but the scar remains to remind us of the wound though it is not painful it self.
To be honest, I don’t believe that one forget I guess we simply grow over the pain and become larger than it, so it is not painful anymore (Real problems are not solvable, one can only grow over them).
Love,
Tarek
Hi Theresa,
Like you, I am not an expert either : )
Not sure how forgive and forgetting for everyone happens, only for me. And because of forgetting, cannot write about what I have forgotten.
Usually I forgive easily. Just talking to god and let go. But, seem to retain certain things because it is like reference, the lessons are helpful or in some cases, still helping in a positive way.
So this is the subconscious at work, WOW.
Thank you, Love, Jane : ) xo
hi alice !
feel honoured that u’r first contribution hapnned where it did. welcome to teh gang ! this is a company of imperfect beings, or else why do we need to be warriors ! good thing about the gang here is that we are not ahsamed of our imperfections, as u must have guessed by seeing our response to paulo’s …..
love
adi
but carla if we don’t feel the pain anymore then how are we suppose to remember the lesson….i feel the pain should stay so that next time one would be terrified to commit the mistake.
with love,
Naveli
Dear Tarek,
Thank you for expressing this so beautifully! It has been my experience, and I agree with you.
Love, Theresa
Dear Tarek, thanks for finding such proper and easy-to-understand words.I’ve speculated on the thesis “could you forgive if you cannot forget” and was lost for words to explain what I felt about it. Your words about “growing over the pain” are exactly the one I needed to read.
Love,
Ksenia
Hello Satora,
Great quote! Like a forget-me-not flower.
I do remember how I feel in the presence of certain people, and places. Although it is not being forced, just offered. Sometimes I feel cradled when no one is physically present either, just thinking about loving thoughts.
Thank You, Love, Jane : ) xo
Hi Jane,
Thank you for your interesting comments and thoughts.
I share Tarek’s opinion that after traumatic events/experiences, it is questionable whether we do in fact ‘forget’. In the case of writers, which I am not, I think that even if they ‘recall’ an event/experience, they are not able to write about it creatively, because the feelings are no longer there. Maybe?
In my day-to-day life there are things i would like to throw into the UNconscious – boom! But apparently this would do me more harm than good !!!
Love, Theresa
thank you gaurry, olta ana, and marie-christine and jane. this is the first time that i am participating in a blog and it is very nice to see that even though we are all strangers people still care about each other and try to help each other.
thank you for praying gaurry. i pray too but sometimes i get scared because i remember before i met that person i was a different person. i had a lot of dreams and a lot of expectations from life. i also had dreams for what kind of qualities i would like to see in the person that i love. however, when i met this person they were not like that at all. i did not even like them very much at first but it happened. and now whenever i think about it i always wonder whether the reason we are not together is because i compromised ? and maybe being together was not the best thing but then my heart says that i want them back but then again how do i know if this is my heart that saying this ? you see its just so confusing that i dont even know what to pray for.
olta ana i do think that you are right. that whether this was good or bad it has taught me things that i did not know were part of me. for instance before this happened i always used to look at people getting hurt by their loved ones and think that if the same would happen to me i would just leave and that i wouldnt even talk to them again. but here i am lost in confusion. its so weird that in life sometimes you have to experience things in order to really understand why others did the things they did at certain time.
marie-christine thank you for following, your interest and concern is appreciated.
jane i read your post and i really like your approach of praying to god and examining yourself. and i also read about your situations but this situation is really different. yes promises were made..infact too many promises were made..but that person said some very hurtful words to me the last time we ever talked which was in september. before this the person could not even live without talking to me. i am not saying that person is bad. they did a lot for me they loved me a lot they made a lot of sacrifices in order to be with me. but what hurt me was that it had to end like this ? in such a way ? and what hurts even more is that because it ended in such a way and because i have so many questions in my heart that that person did not answer i don’t seem to thikn that it has ended. and because i dont feel as it has ended there is this hope inside me but at the time i know that its useless to haev this hope after such a long time has passed by.
I too am in this position….it is not the easiest thing I have ever done, in fact it has been the worst to all of a sudden be left by ones beloved…and soulmate at that. It is like ones sincerity only is taken as wood to feed that fire of the all of a sudden indifference…love is a tretcherous thing and yet like Paulo says, you have never loved you have never lived…even if it has become hell and not paradise. I see it as what goes around comes around. Be well..wish me good energy dear WOLs it’s a difficult time….
Love,
O
mars
s ram
mar ah ah ah
venus
sun ev
ve sun
it;s a hit chik er chic o
:)
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