Paulo Coelho
In one of my books (The Zahir), I try to understand why people are so afraid of changing. When I was right in the middle of writing the text, I came across an odd interview with a woman who had just written a book on – guess what? – love.
The journalist asks whether the only way a human being can become happy is to find their beloved. The woman says no:
“Love changes, and nobody understands that. The idea that love leads to happiness is a modern invention, dating from the late 17th century. From that time on, people have learned to believe that love should last for ever and that marriage is the best way to exercise love. In the past there was not so much optimism about the longevity of passion.
“Romeo and Juliet isn’t a happy story, it’s a tragedy. In the last few decades, expectation has grown a lot regarding marriage being the path towards personal accomplishment. Disappointment and dissatisfaction have also grown at the same time.”
According to the magical practices of the witchdoctors in the North of Mexico, there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for our having stopped making progress. A trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, disappointment in love, even a victory that we fail to quite understand, ends up making us act cowardly and incapable of moving ahead. The witchdoctor finds and gets rid of this “accommodating point”. To do so, he has to review our life and discover where this point lies.
Why?
Because, according to the story that we were told, at a certain moment in our lives “we reach our limit”. There are no more changes to be made. We won’t grow any more. Both professionally and in love, we have reached the ideal point, and it’s best to leave things as they are. But the truth is that we can always go further. Love more, live more, risk more.
Immobility is never the best solution. Because everything around us changes (including love) and we must accompany that rhythm.
I have been married to the same person for 30 years, but methaphorically speaking, the same marriage contains several “new marriages” during our relationship. Our bodies and souls changed, and we are still togeher. If we wanted to keep on as we were in 1979, I don’t think we would have come so far.
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I too got married in 1979 and am still married… and yes there have been changes… and I’m still married to the same person… It must have been a good year… Yes, I think change happens… and it is not all bad…
I’ve read the text before on your website.
Very much agree with the theory of the accommodating point.
It’s true in my life. I could really need that North Mexican witch doctor, let me tell you that…
For me it was a severe dissapoint in love. Losing the love of your life may do that to one. I’ve still grew though after that. There were periods of extreme spiritual development and periods of darkness. Nothing out of the ordinary. But after one also in the text above described victory, something happened. I’ve decided to let go and am now in stand still situation. I am entirely aware of that and know that even without a witch doctor I’ll come out of it.
But indeed, love, can be a tragedy, not only a bearer of good news, but also of sorrow. Duality in it’s most cruelest form. I do still believe in love though.
Because we must not forget that most of the time it’s human nature standing in the way of love.
Romeo and Julia is a tragedy created by human hand, not by love. A thing which is not mentioned in the text, but which I think is very true.
It’s the easy way out to think that love is completely fated. We have our say in it. We make decisions. Only in love the scars left behind by making the wrong ones are that much deeper. And making the right one could give you bliss till the end of your days. We have to carry responsibility for our own decisions in love, because most of the time they also involve another human being. And some of them will shape the rest of your and another’s life.
Listen to your heart. And never let yourself get in the way of great love.
Blessings,
Ava
O novo sempre nos trás insegurança. Principalmente quando já tentamos abrir a porta do desconhecido, e fomos mal sucedidos. Então, normalmente, preferimos ficar na segurança das quatro paredes da paralisia, mesmo sabendo da possibilidade de haver um mundo maravilhoso do lado de fora.
Uma dica: se não deu certo sair pela porta, tente pelas janelas.
That’s what’s so exciting about love and about life… the fact that it evaluates. The fact that it changes does not mean it dies or seizes to exist, it simply changes form… It would be boring if it wouldn’t be this way.
I’ve always believed in forever lasting love, if I hadn’t I never would’ve found it… Because how can you attract something in your life if you don’t even believe in it?!
The Zahir is one of the final books from Paulo Coelho that I wish to read ;o)
I really relate to this ‘accomodating point’..
mine i can identify. perhaps i’ll have to look for one of these witchdoctors!
It does seem that we are led to believe that growth is exponential and yet in practice we are ‘led’ along marked lines, boundaries, targets… for which we can then say “we lived and thrived”.
But none of these markers ever meant much after i experienced my ‘accomodating point’. Frankly, many of those markers i saw as superficial and inconsequential.
HELLO MR .COELHO AND HIS FRIENDS
CONGRATULATIONS AND RESPECT TO YOU MR .COELHO FOR GREATEST SUCCESS IN LIFE –GREAT CAREER AND WHAT IS EVEN GREATER – BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR WIFE .
“CLONING CONFUCIUS “: “IF YOU WANT CONSTANT HAPPINESS ,YOU MUST CHANGE ALL THE TIME…”"
BUT HOW TO CHANGE ,AND WHO IS “RESPONSIBLE” FOR OUR CHANGING
»WE CAN LOOK OVER OUR LIFE ON TWO DIFFERENT WAYS:
WE CAN PRETEND OURSELVES THAT MIRACLES DO NOT EXIST AT ALL.
E = M.C2
BUT IT IS POSSIBLE TO SEE MIRACLES EVERYWHERE IN EVERYTHING..«
(ALBERT EINSTEIN, NOBEL PRIZE WINNER FOR PHYSICS
M = 1$ + 11C + 100%B
MIRACLE = 1 DOLLAR + ELEVEN CENT + ..BELIEF OF A CHILD
(LITTLE CHILD TESS)
» HOW MUCH DOES A MIRACLE COST?«
Asked a little girl Tess
( BY MYLA OKINARI from Japan)
The little Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even the total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way six blocks to Rexall s Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was to busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scruffing noise. Nothing…..Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it !
»And what do you want ?«the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I am talking to my brother from Chicago whom I have not seen in ages ,«he said without waiting for a replay to his question.
»Well, I want to talk to you about my brother, »Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone.
He is really, really sick…and I want to buy a Miracle«.
»I beg your pardon ?«said the pharmacist.
»His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says »only a Miracle can save him now, so how much does a miracle cost?«
»We do not sell miracles here, little girl I am sorry but I can not help you ,«the pharmacist said,softening a little.
»Listen ,I have the money for pay for it. If it is not enough ,I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.«
The pharmacist brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl,«what kind of a Miracle does your brother need?«
I do not know,«Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he is a relly sick and Mommy says he needs an operation .But my Daddy can not pay for it, so I want to use my money.«
»How much do you have ?«asked the man from Chicago.
»One dollar and eleven cents,«Tess answered barely audibly.
»And it is all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.«
»Well ,what a coincidence ,«smiled the man »A dollar and eleven cents-the exact price of a Miracle for little brother.«
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said »Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let s see if I have the Miracle you need.«
That well dressed man was Dr.Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it was not long until brother of little girl Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
»That surgery,«her Mom whispered »was a Real Miracle .I wonder how much it would have cost?«
Tess smiled.
She knew exactly how much a Miracle cost –one dollar and eleven cents…
.Plus the Faith of innocent ,loving ,little child.
In our lives ,we never know how many Miracles we will need..But we should be learning from litttle Tess…If we would like that Miracle happen to us ,we should be faithful, innocent and loving ,like a little Tess.
A Miracle is not the suspension of naturel law ,but the operation of a higher law –law of God ,law of Love…
…
I BELIEVE THAT ONLY LOVE LEADS US TO OUR CHHANGING….
IT JUST HAPPENS UNEXPECTEDLY ,LIKE IN THIS CASE …
BEST REGARDS AND RESPECT
ROMANO
“
We spend so long trying to do right, fit in, etc …blah blah…
It’s like trying to be that lucky winner, say of a golden ticket.
After putting so much hard work and energy in… it’s difficult to just… change.
I guess we are creatures of investment… [well, for most of us, who aren't nomadic anyhow].
We settle in order to achieve security. We live by rules and laws we can understand and obey.
When change comes along, so many times it is like some extreme revolution.
Is this not completely against the grain and how most humans have adapted in order to survive?
So, of course… change is viewed with suspicion, caution… some accepting it, others refusing.
This seems the way, anyhow, in so many cases of life events.
Blessings to all.
I can see your point Paulo, to grow and develop rather than putting in time, like being imprisoned. Yet, you remain married and open. How beautiful!
Change…risk more.
Nature is like that; the sky is not the same every day.
Two men that I spoke with, said they enjoy the comfort and security that marriage offers. Noticed that it was normal for men where I grew up to tease each other after a few months of marriage, because the newlywed males would often gain weight (not seen as an asset for a woman to do likewise). This was a sign that ‘marriage is being good to you’.
From first living on my own, would rearrange the furniture around in rooms, or change my hair. This is viewed as a woman’s shortcoming, wanting change.
Now, Rumi comes to mind -’Love is a Stranger’. These ideas, along with some of Gibran’s writings, are so different than the culture I knew, where romance or poetry reading by a man, is rare. But these works make my soul fly high!
I used to wonder if my ancestors were happy couples, or had joy. Life was about survival; they worked hard and needed each other. Times and even trends have changed a lot since the mid 70′s. Yet, feeling soulfully married and the experience of raising children together, was something that I/we thrived in, for a few years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iPpgyEh8WM&feature=fvw
Now? I see there are many creative ways to love and express love. A gift.
Thank you Paulo and everyone. Enjoyed reading all of the comments and watching the music videos!
Love to All, Happy Valentine’s Day to all that celebrate. Jane : )
Happy Valentine’s to you too! I really enjoyed reading your comments!
Love
Alex x
Every day seems the same day, full of words you heard before, polite smiles and desperate jokes.
Until something happens.
Something suddenly arouses a passion that occupies your mind and sweeps away your senses. Sometimes that is love, other times it is something else entirely. It is then one feels alive and real.
Sometimes it is frustration and anger that makes us feel alive, other times joy and love, – but whatever the reason, the sense of the feeling isn’t all that different.
The last months of 2009 i spent in limbo, feeling dreary and worn out, undressed of passion and fire. Growing more tired by the day.
Then something happened and now i am wide awake again, vibrant with a cause.
It is just a little cause, nothing big, nothing that you would read about in the newspapers, but to me it means a lot because it takes me past the point of comfort. i have to either stand for my believes or for my security.
Now security is an issue, i got my house and heard to protect so to say. On the other hand i want to use my expertise and knowledge and protect what i believe in. Now this sounds big, but is it?
For the last few years i have chosen to work for public projects that make our city a better place: greener, friendlier, safe for children with gardens and parks to play and learn about nature. Now the same organization i work for has decided to close down school gardens: the very same school gardens my daughter learns that vegetables grow from seeds instead of come from a factory. Where hundreds and hundreds of children have shrieked at worms and proudly cooked their own vegetable soup.
Now i have to choose between acting and more or less biting the hand that feeds me, or remaining silent and hope it will all turn out to the best without interfering. i know organizations that could help the children, i know the journalists and the politicians, i could make a difference. i also know how to organize a hype and could easily use my experience to get together a broad platform. But will i?
Am i brave enough to suffer the consequences?
The worst case scenario on one side of the scale is that i loose my job. The worst case scenario on the other side is that i won’t respect myself anymore. In the middle is feeling alive and happy, being respected for standing up for my beliefs and saving those darned gardens.
Immobility is not an option, is it. Nothing will remain as it was, Change comes one way or the other.
Really loved to read you. “Either stand for our beliefs or for the security”. Yes, change brings to that point of incomfort … It takes bravery to decide to cross that point and go further. Like you say, we have a choice. Yes, immobility is not an option … changes always occur.
Take care and wish you wisedom in your battle, courage, guidance, lights on your path.
Love, Jojo.
Very reasonable and Logic. We need to accept the fact that love changes like everything around us!
By that, we can continue loving!
Good morning,All!
Beleive that there are people(like me)who would like to have and are looking to find those “accommodating points”…Have changed the way living,have changed the city of living,have changed the woork,have changed some of friends,have changed sometimes also my wife for some different eleven minutes and of course looks that I have changed myself….
El libro del Zahir me lo regalo una amiga que esta interesada en mi. Yo estoy casado y lo que ella busca es que yo me divorcie y este con ella. Pero al leer el libro, pienso que ahora amo mas a mi esposa. Gracias. Es el primer libro que leo de usted
..Changes in love sometimes bring along suffering…but you could also find peace through suffering…and love again!!!
I’ve learnt through doing life that everything you want or do will make sense if you avoid projecting needs and desires onto something/one else. Find it in your hart to be truly separate,unique and whole. If you can master that, you will be a whole person and ready to be in any relationship and to make the nessasary changes as time goes by.
THE ONLY THREE GROUPS OF PEOPLE THAT NATURALLY ENCOURAGE CHANGE ARE: 1)CASHIERS, 2)REVOLUTIONARYS,& 3) BABIES WITH WET DIAPERS. EVERYONE ELSE MUST “LEARN” TO ADAPT TO CHANGE.
“A WORM THAT LIVES IN AN ONION ITS WHOLE LIFE THINKS IT’S SWEET”, AND THEREFORE CHANGE DOES NOT EVEN OCCUR…THAT IS, UNLESS THE ENVIRONMENT (THE ONION)BECOMES LESS THAN DESIREABLE AND THEN IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON. OFTENTIMES, MOVING ON JUST TAKES A LITTLE LONGER, BUT MOVE ON IS A MUST OR THE WORM WILL PERISH.
SO IF A SIMPLE ORGANISM LIKE A WORM KNOWS ENOUGH WHEN TO CHANGE, PEOPLE DO TOO. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT PEOPLE, UNLIKE THE WORM, THINK AHEAD OF THE ALL THE DIFFICULTIES, REAL OR IMAGINED, AND THEREFORE OFTEN WAIT, AND WAIT AND WAIT,OUT OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
very funny comparison:)
In my case, I would like to know. Not to dwell into the past, but only to satisfy myself. So that I won’t go into the same question over and over again – which sometimes is just another excuse to avoid taking the new challenging road ;)
Oh Mr. Coelho,
Once again, you have sparked a new flame inside of me. This post came at the perfect time in my personal growth. I want to thank you deeply for the awareness you have set in motion in my life and the lives of those I touch. There really are no words, so I send it from my heart.
In the just a few months I’ve read 7 if your books. Each time I put one down, I meditate on the lessons for me. Then, I eagerly open myself to the next book to be read. This post has lead me to “Zahir”, I am excited!
One of my many favorite lines by you is from the Fifth Mountain, “The Brave are always stubborn.” Thank you for that!
A fellow warrior of light,
Jennifer Wong,CH
Hola sr paulo coelho soy de yaracuy(venezuela) soy nueva aqui en la pagina y me intereso lo que escribio en su blog ya que tiene razon en cuanto a que muchos le temen al cambio y yo pienso que es bueno simpre y cuando se para bien ah y ya lei dos de sus libros el alquimista y once minutos y me parecieron super yo pienso que las cosas pasan por algo y que el tiempo de dios es perfecto y que hay que saber descifrar las señales que dios nos da.
everything changes…
including this comment changing place :-)
catching up this weeks posts I meant to write this under
quote of the week, but then I saw comments were closed…
Hope it’ll fit here… :-)
‘I hear music’ Stephane Grappelli would say or rather play (a really beautiful piece of music it is, sensitively played)
and then I thought
music says it all
words are black and white
it’s the heart that colours them
to care for
is being prepared to leave your own zone of comfort…
to care for
a sensitivity in expressing yourself as well as a sensitivity in understanding the other…
How come, if you say something,
one understands you in black and white
and someone else understands you in full colour?
The key is ‘play’ in a loving way.
The wonder of it not being about the perfect but the sensitive way, I heard Yehudi Menuhin say or rather give away… :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EE9KT_dU_R8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHenV6qzX_M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJC94S_xbak
:-)
Lots of love,
Vicky
Great music and beautiful messages. Thank you Vicky.
Love, Jane : )
It makes sense…If the world is always on the move every day is different including us always changing…so as our love and marriage after few years the way our relationship was working should change otherwise the wind of change would change it by force and might break it down in the process…
The Idea is to feel the rhythm. But couple of IFs…
If you don’t feel the rhythm in general. You will get lost in life.
If you don’t have the rhythm, you will lose your personality.
Open you eyes, your mind, your heart and your wings.
Let’s Rock!
Well said! Rhythm is the best guidance. Being from Nordic country as you, we are used to seeing the seasons change. We may not be overly crazy when it gets dark and dreary in October but the first snow by the end of November brings redemption and the white of snow heals our senses filled of dying and heaviness that fall seems to represent. And then spring full of new beginnings comes. And so on and on, year after year. We do not fight the seasons, quite opposite we learn to go with the flow.
If we are able to accept inherent changes in everything that and let them, instead of fighting against them, we would be in sync with the universe and true nature.
Several thoughts hit me while reading this:
1.) Love lets love grow, love fights for love, and love gives without expectation. The most important of these is that love lets love grow. We must let it grow in order for it to produce the fruits of our soul, and allow those roots to purge themselves deeper into the source from whence they came. Without that, then love dies out all too quickly and can not last like a great sequoia tree.
2.) I love watching Bollywood films, because the love story doesn’t always work out. Sometimes the girl dies, or is forced to marry another, vice versa, and sometimes they both die or part ways. But the point of these stories, like the movie Devdas, is whether or not the characters were true and loyal to their love. Even though Paro had to marry the aristocrat, her flame for Devdas burned and never relented (and she had it pretty good for a second wife too); Devdas had an opportunity to love a woman who desperately needed the love that was not afforded to the brothel dancers, BUT he never adulterated his feelings for Paro. Yes, Devdas dies (sorry for the spoiler alert there), but in the end, their love was true. They didn’t need marriage to prove their love. It burned in the simplicity of a flame, and the glimmer of a simple bangel.
3.) Marriage, as I see it, is an extension of one’s self. It is not the final chapter, but a chapter as a result of living life to it’s fullest, and finding that one person that is willing to dedicate the rest of their life to you as well. Some souls are married by love, others by a ring or the good blessings of a holy man.
Sorry for the randomness….sometimes my head is like a thunderstorm of ideas. :)
¡Sabia historia Paulo!
Creo que todos en alguna parte de nuestras vidas le hemos temido al cambio, quizás porque la rutina nos hace sentir más seguros de que “podemos controlarlo todo”, aun así, yo me considero una “seguidora” de los cambios en mi vida porque siempre que me decido a cambiar, a arriesgarme, a dar ese paso loco del que nunca me creí capas, me lleno de momentos felices. Siempre estaré en busca del amor y del cambio, porque creo que se puede amar plenamente, porque creo que los cambios para bien o para mal son cambios, son oportunidades de cambiar mi vida. Y si la felicidad completa existe o no, sé que los momentos en los que soy feliz, aunque sean tan solo minutos o simples segundos, me llenan.
Saludos desde Venezuela, muchas bendiciones para todos!!
same thing happened to me sl… disillusioned and devastated…
The moment LOVE changes into POWER, there is no turning back!
I think it is true and it’s the way that it happen but there are some men/women who change the power for love or a affair.
i read somewhere: love still is life sweetest mystery.
I believe it!
Truly profound. Only a wise and open mind could have made such statements. Whoever she is she has shown here why the Buddhists beliefs while looking in the right direction, are not correctly interpreting the meaning of life. Change is everything. I humbly salute her.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
I love this quotation. I’ve always believed this in my heart even before I knew you Paulo, but it still sounds great.
I was thinking that in one way or an other my wish has come true.
Hope that some of my friends now will wish to read the Zahir. ;D
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&suggest¬e_id=486200395391
When I translate this post of yours I feel like I don’t want to translate anything else. ;)
I am spoiling my self like that. heheheheh kidding
Love
Olta
And regarding to the accommodation point, I’ve always thought that when you reach your limits than there is time to start experiencing something new, professionally talking. And about marriage…I’ve just hoped to find the right one so I’d never regret my choice. heheheheh But you see I am still to young and have so many things to experience in my life. During my short life (of only 21years)heheheh, I’ve had my disappointments and made my own mistakes, but I’ve seen how God has leaded me from time to time to the wrong ways, to understand better. LETS NOT IDEALIZE THEN.
We use to act as we are told but if we just remain in silence for a few minutes and hear to our heart it will show you the way. I’ve started to see how its fire has started to show me the path that God wants me to follow, and that my soul wants too. My heart is also able to tell me that I must go on further, that I must cross my limits, which by the way I’ve set up my self.
I believe, and when I say this, I see my self as a blind who doesn’t know nothing nor see anything, but just follow the steps o his faithful dog, like I follow my heart, that life gives us this kind of challenge to teach us something far more important, which I don’t know but just believe.
And since I believe that in my heart, and life is throwing me into such kind of situations, I think one day I’ll know. Time and experience will tell me, unless SOMEONE else doesn’t do that before, in one way or another. ;)
Love
Olta
Yes one cannot wait for love only to make him happy but it is one of many reasons that leads to happiness
I also believe that Love must increase by time. when you love someone ,true love,you love him/her with all his weak and strong points. You love him will all your thoughts, feelings, emotions
Wish everyone experience true love in his life (Love to his partner. family , Friends, colleges…..)
Happy Valentine day
okey-dokey, nice story…with the lesson, about changes, and its so promising, that if we will change, then time and life and all the energies, including love, will become our friends instead of being enemies….thats the way i got this story, which makes me feel a bit sad, that if universe is not giving us what we want-its ok, we MUST be happy, when it asks us for change- we must do this, to be happy,but i think is really unfair way, where we dont have free will to make our decisions…
I wish to come with more … there is the accommodating points in this life, and those that we carry from others. It turns around the same, but that brings the intensity behind the fear, the thickness of the wall of defensive to go beyond the limit. And there is as I experience going through the layer of the collective accommodating points that we carry. I try to make my reflection clear. This morning, I was reflecting on something important. You know sometimes it is evident, I know, but then I suddenly feel as though it flows into me more deeper. As a child, I wanted to leave the house, since I did not find security and love from my mother, and now from my father. I felt that I needed to get out … I was 5 … I made my luggage. My father came and asked me where I was going. I told him I was leaving, finding no sense in being there. He said: “You need me for the roof and the food. You cannot go on without those and you cannot become responsible for getting those at your age.” I put back my clothes in my drawers and told myself, and that is thank you for the note of Paolo: “I have no choice. I am dependant. I will then stay and wait.” And that is another accommodating point for me … and strangely in all relations with man I first (without being fully aware of the source of my thinkings) I first asked myself if I would be taken care of (meaning roof and food) … and love after. Today, thanks for my path, Paolo, and other learnings brought by life, my needs for pleasure, adventure and love have come back and now they confront the basic need of survival. The need to live is stronger and helps me break that wall, that limit I imposed on myself without knowing. And then, this morning, I reflected that that need to have a roof and food, the basic security (work, money) often go before the others in the society for woman … and man. And that brought me back to Adam and Eve who were told to now having to work hard to have the basic. But then I thought of Jesus who came to accomplish, to bring back as it was. So, if I follow his teaching, the basic needs are no more the important things to conquer but to return to the Garden of Eden, to a relation with God on a daily basis, to love, and the other things will be given. “The bird is given food and shelter and so I should not be preoccupied by those, since God loves me as more than a bird.” “Go to find God’s kindgdom and all the rest will be given.” Love first, pleasure, adventure, relationships, fraternity, etc … and God who sees provides … That does not mean I rest and eat, etc … That means to stop fearing, stop wondering, just do, be, exist, believe, etc … Coming back to breaking a limit, that “curse” or expulsion in order to work hard for the basic is I believe also contained in an individual memory that is to be also taken into consideration.
Well, I do not have the ability as others to write my thoughts clearly. But for me that makes sense concerning sometimes the intensity, the energy that it takes to break “totally” an accommodating point. It as an echo of some sort in one’s life, then brings to an echo in a collective heritage, and then an echo in an universal heritage.
Love, Jojo.
Your thought are written very clearly to me, I find you are super in expressing yourself! You put down the thoughts I have but I do not have the words to put it down. I understand you words and your way of expressing your thoughts!
Love Butterflymuur❉♡❉
There’s love and love. OK, if we all think on genuine love and limit the views to relationships, there’s one problem usually. Changes are fine, needed, even some see relationships as place to enable them. As frankly, searching for more and more, new and fresh (as one says) is premature and does leave out a component of companionship, friendship and compassion. River – a good comparison – to many things in love. We all flow in the stream from spring to the sea..and can do that together – even with teh same, dear pesrosn. As leaving too many people, battles behind builds by my opinion bad conscioussness and to the concerned person (not all are super heroes)a lot of pain. So, if you want to leave teh ones who were good enough yesterday – think twice and think if you cannot do some otehr change, instead. I myself – of course – am not an angel.. and if any time get hurt I know I myself might have hurt others. Still, the notion of the “accomodating point” is wise, clever, true. We have to face the painful moments, traumas (understand oneself)and reform them into new power, success, plan for the better future.
No, the kind of love we talk about should not be the only source of happiness
why is it always said that “people are afraid to change”? maybe a little. it is a human characteristic. if you are always changing, you might be bi-polar. in other words, anyone always chaging is not mentally stable. some people are not afraid to change, they just don’t want to, they are comfortable and happy with the way they are and the place they are at. and that’s totally ok. but if you look carefully, reality is that everything changes, and even the ones who don’t want to change, do. we all change at different rates, that’s the issue. as a couple, when we grow at very different rates, we grow in different directions, and apart. some people are better sychronized and they grow together. the trick is to find a way to become better sychronized. it is possible. but difficult if your partner is not a good match. but you do, if you love the person you are with. you don’t have to be in love. being in love never lasts. with time, love evolves. we get to know one another more, and if we like what we see, our love and appreciation continues. if we grow at different rates, we might find we no longer like or appreciate that person, or maybe we just never knew them well enough and fell in love with appearances. though we change, we don’t usually change that drastically – unless there is a catalistic force, like an accident, a death, an illness, and so on.
but it is never right to judge someone because they don’t have the same idea/concept/will/desire/goals as we do. I hear and read a lot of bs. people nowadays just go along with what celebrities say, or with what others who are stronger and more outspoken say, or with what they think is politically correct, or (gasp) with the crowd. the truth is, many of us are stuck for whatever reason! furthermore, many of the changes in our lives are very self-gratifying, selfish, and do us no good. change should involve character and spiritual growth. that’s always a good thing.
I read somewhere, that the most commonest words when people split up were “s/he just doesn’t understand me”…
The point the author was trying to make is, that there is too much emphasis on trying to understand one another, that we weren’t meant to understand each other, that Love is a mystery, and the greatest mystery. All that can be realised is to accept that we will never understand it.
Each soul learns from personal experience with another, whether it be as a lover, spouse, relation, boss, friend, they are all soul relationships, as it were soul mates, even found on this Blog…
Relationships through technology are constantly evolving, are we not only tied by the world wide web, but by the web of light that threads each humans heart and unites each persons soul?
Happy Valentines Day, to everyone who Loves and enjoys the Mystery of Love.
Amor Vincit Omnia – Love Conquers All
♥ ♥ ♥
I love your comment Pandora. Thanks.
Happy Valentines!
I love this, Padre. I watch so many in marriages where either one or both have changed, become distant and passive, emotionally sedentary, having lost their capacity for joy, blaming the other for their unhappiness…to me, life is too beautiful not to be experienced fully and to love deeply, always growing, renewing, learning….and change is inevitable and filled with endless possibilities! Committed love is wonderful as long as it continues to grow and doesn’t become someone’s cage. Much love, Paolo. –K
love your reply,and very grateful to Paulo coelho to open such subject. yes i suffered a lot for not wanting to change to an emotional sedentary ,life the way my partener seems to want it.i got sick ,depressed,devasteted till i reached my accomodating point,which is to live my way to enjoy life ,to do all what i like and to put myself on top of the list with my joy of life as a priority.
Relationships are always an important part of life. And I mean all relationships – friendship, love, marriage, relationship by choice, relationship by birth. Learn what makes them tick, why they sometimes go wrong, what one can do about it, and why they are so precious.
i agree though i never believed that change could happen in love but i think this is how its always meant to be..maybe that makes the relationship either to go stronger or to fade..everything changes. people change and forget to tell each other thats true. it hurts that we do change and change affects our lives but its just us its the only thing thats permenant (change)!
Could not agree more, the article really in the point, I wish to be able to have a partner who is welling to exercise not love only as our main goal but to further intensify our
effort to stay together in the face of changes and time.Exactly as Paulo put it “several new marriages”…” inside the matrimonial box.
The worst sentence in history of literature and manhood is: and they live happily togehter till their end.
In my opinion love changes, because WE change!! And somtimes our direction is not longer the same the direction of our partner is.
“Love more, live more, risk more” is a good sentence but I dont agree it is related with ‘real love’.. If some one really loves and something goes wrong, that person can be beaten by sorrow.. 30 years of marriage is a success but again it is not the way you learn to live with the ‘love changing through the life’, it is the way you know how to live together..
so what about extreme point? It means there is nothing like Pinnacle..
“But the truth is that we can always go further. Love more, live more, risk more.” … I like this very much!
I believe that everlasting love does NOT exist. It’s just an illusion of posession. Nothing last.
and we all buy into it and are heart broken and torn apart when it does not work out.
It exists! I’m livinig it! You just have to belive, then it will come to you – the everlasting love! Just go along with the changings…
But nobody posesses or should be posessed <3
Try and belive!
Love
Ivana
Love and Relation should be like a flow of Water .. if the remain un-change/flow-less it create smell, but the flow of water is always fresh and same as love/relation. Even one can create Excitement by new experiments in relation to make the relation alive and excited..
I love this buddhist quote, it is such a simple line, but explains many things.
“Everything changes, nothing remains without change.”
try this one:
change is the only thing that will always remain the same. DJ Revolution
Now tell me hip hop isn’t poetry.
regards
Everything happens like no other. Wonderful like always.
Whatever time is, it is against us.
Every second is later and soon, there is no time.
I said whatever I had to say. IT IS YOUR DECISION.
I like what you said about your marriage containing several new marriages. Everything is in constant evolution, relationships included. I’ve been married for 24 years now and our relationship continues to move in and out of those “new marriage” stages. My marriage continues to be a work-in-progress, even after all this time.
I wish I could speak with a witch doctor from Mexico sometimes. I would really like to know when that moment came for me… Every so often I have that feeling of reaching my “limit” and that stretching for one more thing that’s outside my comfort zone could be disastrous. I continue to work on proving to myself time and again that I’ll be alright if I try something and fail, or even if I succeed. Change is something I think a lot of people fear, myself included. I continue to challenge that fear of change–some days I am more successful than others. I feel that one answer is to never give up working with changes that I’m dealt with on my path. If I give up, there is no hope, only fear, and I cannot allow my life to be lived only through the eyes of fear.
I’ve been thinking a lot, especially this past week, about change and how change is sometimes a painful process for me. On the other hand, I’ve also come to realize how copping an attitude of non-change leads to stagnation and really, that seems to be a more painful place to be, at least to my way of thinking. Change is only impossible if I tell myself that it is impossible. If I say change is impossible then that’s like giving myself permission to say I don’t have to even try. If I’m going to be uncomfortable and fearful, wouldn’t it be better to be that way stretching out of the box instead of letting the fear and emotional pain be my justification for not trying? That witch doctor has the right idea about how we set our own limitations and our own emotional boundaries.
Thanks for talking about this subject.
I totally agree with that lady.i experience that now.My husband doesnot want to change-we are getting more different every day.I work on my dissertation,run a site that i love,stay with our son at home but he does not want even to grow professionally.he is a programmmer.
A lot of people are afraid to move out from thier comfort zone, hence they opted not to entertain challenges in life.For me the most fearful thing that happens in ourlives is the fear of change.
hmm..i guess ppl hardly understand love in todays time..this is absolutely an excellent article abt love..and it did really help me to understand my relationships…
I just finished reading the biography of Paulo. It is a truly enlightening book about the struggles of one man who proves you could be down and not out. One of my top three favorite non-fiction reads.
Which are the other two books?
LOVE your topic. It’s not only Romeo and Juliet has a tragic ending. Also The Little Mermaid… just like your marriage my parents also wouldn’t last for 24 years if they didn’t accept the changes of each other.
I loved and had been loved and still doing, all sorts of love Fromm was mentioning in his book. The ‘stop’ for searching more, not only for love but the whole perspectives in life, made me more concerned about sharing all what I have learned up until now. The love of sharing wisdom must be as precious when it’s done in an effective way.
Candieb: “We shouldn’t apologise for what we feel even if it doesn’t seem appropriate/right to some.”
I feel that this I entirely true – yet so often do we try to sugar coat our feelings because we simply don’t want to hurt another’s feelings. Our white lies then only aggrevate things because they are inconsistent with reality.
A good example, I think, was in the movie 500 Days of Summer – [I'm going to ruin the ending here so maybe don't read on!] where summer couldn’t commit to this man who was in love with her – Tom – she liked him, sure but she wasn’t passionate about him – there just wasn’t that fire for her. In the end she leaves him and marries another man – soon after – and Tom has to come to terms with his unrequited love. Without her admitting that despite all the good times they shared together she simply wasn’t in love with him, his memories just didnt make sense.
But alas, that is just how our feelings flow, yet contrary to how we justify “letting the other down softly” I feel that we’d be making it easier for the others to process if we just told the truth. And we shouldn’t feel guilty or sorry for our feelings, they are what they are and a powerful tool for making the most of life…If we as a society would only just listen to them and be honest about them more often :)
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