Paulo Coelho
In my book “Veronika decides to die”, which takes place in a psychiatric hospital, the director develops a theory about an undetectable poison which contaminates the organism over the years: vitriol.
Like the libido – the sexual liquid that Dr. Freud had recognized, but no laboratory had ever been able to isolate – vitriol is distilled by the organisms of human beings who are in a state of fear. Most of the people affected identify its taste, which is neither sweet nor salty, but bitter. That’s why depressions are intrinsically associated to the word Bitterness.
All beings have Bitterness in their organism – to a greater or lesser degree – in the same way that almost all of us have the tuberculosis bacillus. However, these two diseases only attack when the patient is debilitated; in the case of Bitterness, the terrain for the disease to arise appears when we are afraid of the so-called “reality”.
Certain people, in their anxiety to build a world where no outside threat could penetrate, increase exaggeratedly their defenses against the outside – strangers, new places, different experiences – and leave the inside unprotected. It is then that Bitterness begins to cause irreversible harm.
The main target of Bitterness (or Vitriol, as the doctor of my book preferred) is desire. People attacked by this evil begin losing their desire for everything and in a few years are unable to go outside their world – because they have used up enormous energy reserves building high walls for the reality to be what they wanted it to be.
When avoiding outside attack, they also limit internal growth. They continue going to work, watching television, complaining about the traffic and having children, but all that happens automatically, without really understanding why they are behaving like that – after all, everything is under control.
The great problem of poisoning by Bitterness lies in the fact that passions – hate, love, despair, enthusiasm and curiosity – also don’t appear any more. After some time, the bitter person has no more desire. They had no more will even to live, or to die; that was the problem.
For that reason, for bitter people, heroes and madmen are always fascinating: they are not afraid to live or die. Both heroes and madmen are indifferent in the face of danger and go on ahead in spite of everyone saying not to do so. The madman commits suicide, the hero offers himself up to martyrdom for a cause – but both die, and bitter people spend many nights and days talking about the absurdness and glory of the two types. That is the only moment when the bitter person has the strength to reach the top of his defensive wall and look outside a little; but soon his hands and feet tire and he returns to daily life.
The chronically bitter person only notices his disease once a week: on Sunday afternoons. Then, as he has no work or routine to relieve the symptoms, he realizes that something is very wrong.
Today is sunday. I feel bitterness. Why? I want to do, what I want to do. But I don´t. My apprenticeship is a agony. I don´t want to do. Without apprenticeship? I hope I get, what I can get. It is difficult. May God give me the right advises.
God bless you all.
Hi everyone,
I’m not really sure what to say, except Thank You for everything you’ve written. A relationship of mine just ended, and like David I’m trying to avoid falling into bitterness (or at least, to “feel it” then let it go), and instead to “meet myself” (because I still feel alone when I’m alone).
I’m also really wondering about why life seem to go “on pause” while in a relationship. How does this happen? Why does it become hard to follow a dream when you have someone in your life?
I came upon “The Zahir” in an airport while pondering this question and found some answers/leads to my question. (It’s amazing how the right book comes along at the right time).
What an amazing book, thank you ever so much, Paolo Coelho. I feel like everyday now I have to wake up and be strong, and be very very aware of every choice I make (especially when in a relationship), because if I don’t follow my dreams, if I fall into that fear of “what everyone will think, I have to please everyone”, then I will stop respecting myself, my work, the people I love, and they will stop respecting me.
It’s hard to do this sometimes because you’re immediately met with looks of disapproval, lack of understanding, etc; but it’s funny because on the long run, people will approve (and who cares if they don’t), and they will understand (and who cares if they don’t) and they will “get it” if they try, if they really listen and look, if they love. And plus, following your dream is the only way to encourage others to follow theirs.
I have no idea if any of this makes sense. Thank you for writing, thank you for feeling.
The pages on this blog answer my questions each time.
Gratefully,
Sofia
In working with “angry” people, I see bitterness often. And I agree that they simply do battle for the sake of doing battle with others – at work, at home, on the playing field. In reality it is the way that they avoid the up and down movement of life. Love the idea that bitterness, which has been described as rotting inside, begins to eliminate feelings one at a time; and when it eliminates won, it also eliminates its opposite.
Que chato! Tudo em inglês…
Bem… é twiter né :P
Isso que da ser nova nessas tecnologias.
Paulo mesmo não sabendo nada do que tu escreveu eu te amo tá.
Tenho todos os teus livros, grande parte de tuas palavras fazem parte da minha filosofia de vida.
Beijos!!!
Hi Paulo,
A very nice blog which recalls me of the Budha who also said “Desire is the sole cause of miseries.”
interesting. and maybe true. the thing is when do you start to be depressive? I always used to do what I wanted to do and had the trust and self-esteem that I could do it. Right now I am lying on the ground and don’t know what to do with my life. I had dreams but could not realise anything. As for now I am afraid to do anything, make mistakes, lose it all. And by the way I am losing it all. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up witht that whole thing called life. How do you find a reason? Ultimate Sadness. Gave up myself and don’t know how to make the turn around.
Even I am passing through such phase of life.Afraid of losing something which is my my life.I am seeing it going away from me but totally helpless.Just trying to be strong,trying to face the reality…just losing control of myself.
In this blog i read without suffering pain no one ever truly lives.
just wish I can live,jus wish my dream is nt broken…
Life is such a big mystry..
Your strength is always with you along with all your desires, dreams, and wisdom. All you have to do is to summon them and they will show up.
Dear Summer ,
I love what you wrote here…
I have had many dreams and desires … and now .. slowly , I have taken a stand to love myself ..first .. I have also found the wisdom to overcome all my shortcomings .. I have read the alchemist by Paolo and found myself in it .. groping and grapplind .. searching ..
Paulo,
me identifico muito com tudo o q vc disse (e esse é meu livro favorito). Estou me sentido exatamente assim desde que perdi o amor da minha vida. Perdi não, fui deixada por ele. Continuo vivendo por fora, mas por dentro, é como se já tivesse morrido há tempos. Espero que tudo isso passe um dia, pois ser triste e melancólico é dolorido demais qdo se tem uma vida inteira pela frente. Não quero ser amarga como a minha avó.
Um abraço, Carolina
Carol,
Não pense mais no que vc perdeu. Na vida a gente perde e ganha. Pense no que vc ainda tem. Sua família, seus amigos, sua vida, e principalmente, voce mesma…
Alice
Carol, tb estive assim até poucos dias atrás. Sentia-me como vc, contudo, acordei um dia, fiquei a pensar e, finalmente, decidi virar a página. Decidi deixar de permitir q aquela pessoa, ainda q ausente, me fizesse tanto mal. E agora, me sinto muito bem. Sei q haverão recaídas, mas não me permitirei mais ficar constantemente com aquela sensação de vazio. Faça o mesmo! Entenda q a mudança tem q partir d ti, mesmo não sendo fácil. ;-)
Hi Paolo,
I’d like to share this to my friends in FB. ill tag this page.
a good read. =)
bitterness …
opens the door to darkness.
nurtures the desire of negative actions & emotions
kills loving kindness.
kills understanding of others.
reduces the person’s universe
to a tiny “little prince” planet.
Dear Paulo,
what a great, helpful description :o)
yeah, bitterness grows as a result of a conflict between reality and “one’s wish/demand how the world should be”.
it has all the effects you describe. besides making the mind sick, it also destroys the body when one is lost in it. it is an internal demon, nurtured by the spare luggage that each of us carries. its intensity depends on our history including our environment & culture.
when deeply immersed in bitterness, I only felt the effects of it and the pain. the recovery occurs in a reverse way as the effects of bitterness occurred.
today, I finally regained an internal physical as well as mental equilibrium that I feel that I am able to understand and “see” what you are writing above.
Overall, today, I think my journey through bitterness – the dark side of my mental capacity” has been important to me to lose my illusions to be so “perfectly good” and become friend with the demon that I denied and was not allowed by my culture.
just funny. I am waiting now for 3 weeks to get “victoria …” without any bitterness (giggle). I actually understood the book in a different way, based on what I read. so, now, I am curious….
sometimes you haven’t learned yet your lessons and alow yourself to turn into sthing you are not but as the river flows to it’s destiny so a pure heart goes back to what it really is… love
Dear Paulo and Readers,
Thoughts coming very quickly, so I will try not to be too disjointed, thank you for patience.
I think of this book every day and thank you for writing it! Two big reasons:
From birth, saw a lot of violence, cruelty, control and injustice at home. Can remember a conclusion made as a young child: My being alive on this earth made a parent very unhappy; rageful. At the same time, there was beauty, freedom and caring, at school and in the outside world.
As an adult, then wondered about, and wanted to understand about the indifference from those who knew of our situation, and did not try to help. So I took some time to look at rules. The social norms at that time were that children were to be seen and not heard. Also, what was said and done under a family’s roof, was to stay under that roof. Children, and spouses were like property. And everyone has the right to treat their own property as they choose. So those were the unwritten ‘rules’ that adults followed. (Strange, because I read something not long ago: “We own 2 dogs and treat them like members of the family.”)
As a young person age 17 on my own, felt grateful to be a person able to make choices. Air at last, not only in the outside world, but inside, too. There was a lot of responsibility, yet did not realize it at the time. The amount of freedom I had was scary for some friends’ parents to comprehend and can understand how they felt. I took a lot of risks while growing up (such as hitchhiking across my country) where none of my friends did. But we love each other very much and appreciate that we are still friends.
And lastly, this book helped me to understand better a fear of doctors, that a loved one feels. Most days now I feel strong; because of hope. Sometimes I cry when alone, just to release the pressure.
Enjoyed reading the comments very much.
Love to All, thank you, Jane xo
Oh, you are right. But things change, slowly. I think.
Take care
Thank you Jane, for sharing you thoughts. Reading you I felt an immense loneliness of you as a child. But you were blessed and strong and have become the beautiful Warrior you are now. And remember we are never alone, because we are ONE.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Hello Jane,
I felt your pain while reading about your problems, and I was also sorry to hear about your spinal injury in your earlier post. This must be a real physical challenge for you.
Many of us are carrying ‘excess baggage’ from our past and present lives which may seem to be unbearable at times, but I think that anything is possible if we hold on to HOPE, and I am sure God will never leave us.
Looking forward to hearing that they have found a solution to your back problem soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself.
Love, Theresa
Hi Jane?
you are a very brave/stong woman.
You should be proud of yourself for all that you have achieved. Your story will inspire others to believe they can go forward, and deserve to live their life in happieness……… Well done
Carol
Because of bitterness people become mean to each other and they lose the respect for themselves and the others whom surround them. It’s sad and we must fight against it.
Hugs to all :)
Having moved to a new place, to make a fresh new start… after considerable horrible years… it still amazes me that folks seem to disuade me from taking steps on my new journey in life.. rather, supporting steps to take me back on that sad, dead old road. I think it makes them feel better about their state of their lives…
BITTERNESS comes when you find that you don’t even have a loaf of bread and your neighbor is eating a cake.
Walls
With no consideration, no pity, no shame,
they have built walls around me, thick and high.
And now I sit here feeling hopeless.
I can’t think of anything else: this fate gnaws my mind -
because I had so much to do outside.
When they were building the walls, how could I not have noticed!
But I never heard the builders, not a sound.
Imperceptibly they have closed me off from the outside world.
Constantine P. Cavafy
The same ‘Walls’ that we have built for ourselves, out of ..vitriol, cowardliness, laziness, doubts and .. boredom. The .. killing of our innermost, dearest, tenderest, luminous dreams. The killing of our SOUL= ΨΥΧΗ. The burning of … butterfly’s wings. The ‘tears’ behind our SMILES.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Yes Thelma, all of us have it, more or less. I read, one time, that this feelings are natural for protect oursseft, but maybe we have a lot of dose.
Thank you Eugenia. Yes these feelings, maybe are for protection, but at the same time we have put ourselves into prison .. If only we ‘transcend’ ourselves and become ONE for a minute, then we ‘know’ that this Walls are NOT our natural home, which is LIGHT and LOVE.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
p.s. Are you Greek, Ευγενία? ;-] So you know already Cavafy’s poem in his wonderful native language. x
Thank you Thelma, a friend of mine, Greek, told me that my name is a Greek name but I’m not, I am from Spain. But I woulk like know about Cavafy’ poem because at moment, I’m studing Spanish literature and most of them are inspireds in clasics writers. of course, I am sorry but I don’t speak Greek, but I like it and I think it’s so poetic.
http://cavafis.compupress.gr/index2.htm
Dear Eugenia, here is a link of all the poems of C. Kavafis’ in English. He is my favourite poet but Paulo Coelho also likes his famous poem ‘Ithaca’.
Your name Eugenia means Noble! Ευ + Γένος
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Thank you Thelma, for every thing. I have check the page and I have red Ithaka and walls poem they are nice poems, also the irland of Ithaka, maybe one day or this sommer I will go .
Love an good luck,
Eugenia
How can some folk eat those kola nuts… when they are soooooo bitter!!
Surely the answer is not just that these nuts contain nutrition???!!!
Perhaps sometimes it is necessary to have.. just that taste of bitterness… it makes the fruits of all those things we enjoy most, ever so more delicious and tasty.
;o)
nutmeg is bitter too and perfect in vegetable dishes
yummi, if taste like cola…
Nice with potatoes mashed, cream and Cheese.
Smaklig Maltid!
Dear Paulo
The recent weeks have been very painful for me. My wife decided that she no longer loves me. She left. During this period I read A Warrior’s Life and I just wanted to thank you for being there when I needed a friend. I could have chosen bitternes but instead I chose to confront my fears that ultimately destroyed my relationship. I am sad but I am now on a path to freedom and fearless being. During this time I feared loneliness, but a wise man told me that if I continue on this path of self discovery and truth I will never be lonely again, because I will have me!
Thanks you for being a friend even though we have never met.
Love and Gratitude
David
Dear David, I had a relation for many years that ended once, and I thought how unfair that one stop loving, and the other cant…But I did many things I would never did if in the relation, and now I see it was ment that way, better…I hope you will find same things, or more. Freedom is nice, if one use it in the right way. Good luck
Alexandra: Why do we always have to do the things we always wanted only when we are alone? What makes us not be what we weakly want when in a raelationship?
Ioannis Angelos
It is so great the way your books have shown up in my life in the moments I most needed them.
LOVE
Olta
In mine too. Reading now Valkiries made me think a lot, and maybe dicover a new side of Paulo…He is always so fascinating. I wonder why only my one comment appear in quote of week…Hope I did not upset anybody.
Love
Alexandra
This name has got me intrigued. I haven’t read this book yet but I have the impression that I should read it. I have no idea of what Paulo has wrote in it but I believe I should read it.
And about your comment, I don’t think that others should be upset, but the opposite. It is a very meaningful comment and I think that this is the reason why it appears there. Maybe he is taking care about the rest. ;))
Love
Olta
Wonderful, ok I share bit of the book, but you must read alone…Well, is about talking to angels…about love, marriage, Tradition. I was a bit scared, shocked from some hard scenes, I do not know is from real life, but the main thing was breaking chains…and incredible I wrote an stpry few days before receiving the book( I ordered on line, in my country not exist), and was about breaking chains and accept success…Unbelivable. I feel something connects me to the writer, maybe same feelings or ideas.
Thank you for kind words, I was worrying a lot…
Love
Alexandra
OMG!
hy mr Paulo
needless to say how much i admire every thing you write,even if in some point i might have aview but you
continuosly make our brain work hard,our thoughts mixes with our dreams as well as with all our life.
ii need your opinion;what about shuting ourselves from
the reality and living in our dreams,shuting ourselves as much as possible from the real outside to our inside which
is protected by us from any outside offence..my internal
peace i reached by listening to the music i like and reading your books that i like very much.
thank you.
Hi wegdane!
I just read your comment and I just couldn’t help but reply to it.
It seems that music is the reality you like the most live in, and you like reading Paulo’s books. We have something in common. ;) To me music is like water or fire. It keeps me alive and brings peace to me. It is often source of inspiration to me. A very good place to live in.
Dear wedgane that seems a very great place to live in, inside of our dreams, but life isn’t meant to be so.
Reality is never perfect for us and for our dreams but it is our duty to make it look better, even better than our dreams you know?
That peace you talk about won’t last too long. Soon something will come to shock it, so don’t shut your self from reality. Use that peaceful reality you have inside your dreams to discover yourself and use it to make your dreams come true.
You see it is better for you to get up and fight with that than let one day reality to come to you and shatter all your dreams. Life can be generous and very severe. Try to be her friend.
There is something that she wants to talk us about… ;)
Love
Olta
right, just right, dear paulo.
Knowing/thinking that I have nothing but myself to fall back on makes me bitter. It is courage that keeps me strong but bitterness that consumes my soul slowly. Wish I was a kid again. My tears weren’t in vain nor did I ever justified them they just were.
you have yourself to fall back on: just look at your hands, your feet, your smile! All there and perfect!
I can’t help but thinking that bitterness comes not so much from your circumstances but underlying that from being turned away from God, trying to make your own plans with all the human effort that takes as opposed to living the plan that God had and still has in mind for you.
I say this because I have bee there and times still am. I am far from perfect when it comes to that, but have found that once I started listening to what God had in mind or me as opposed to what I had in mind for God things started to change.
When the Dalai Lama laughs out loud it is for similar reasons, the bitterness,the anxieties and all the chemical formulas that come wit that as a result of the laws of nature, have one underlying source, which is that we still tend to place ourselves on the throne of out lives.
Whatever it is that is causing your bitterness, depressions, anxieties, it is in my view related to what I said before: placing yourself in the center, placing yourself on the throne. Whether you look at it from the Dalai Lama’s point of view or God’s point of view (as far as I understand it), what it boils down to is Love an Compassion. And love to be understood here as outward directed and not so much affection. Both require that you start living in the here and now and that you stop dwelling in the past (hence the compassion component, which implies forgiveness)wit a positive attitude towards the future.
And if things don’t work out: perhaps it is because you are focusing on the wrong things, they may be great according to your plan but that does not necessarily imply that they are great according to God’s plan for you.
I may be completely off the mark here but that is how I understand my own decades of bitterness. And guess what, it changed on the spot when I allowed God in my life again, when we discussed his plan for me, when we re-established the relation, that was meant to be in any event.
I know I know, that implies belief in a personal God, and my response is that there actually is such a personal God if you let him.
Does this mean life will be easy from there on? Far from that in my case. Bit at the same time it is striking how the lows get shorter, the highs get longer and most of all since God’s plan an mine are getting aligned better and better I am getting the results, work wise, on a physical, mental and spiritual level.
I am not here to tell you anything just what worked for me.
And for those that need some comfort perhaps here one Psalm that keeps me going (Psalm 23):
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
All I can say is that it works for me.
Love and blessings to all of you
So, how does one cure oneself of bitterness?
good question lavanya, hope paulo or someone answers it !
love
aditya
chocolate and cigarettes seem to help…..
dark chocolate… and a little bit of “madness”
… a little madness is a joy forever
1) Dreaming
2) Fighting for those dreams to come true.
Love
Olta
to come out – go bravely through.
all feelings are sacred, because all feelings will guide us to precious insights – finally.
feel feelings completely – because they are.
then – after this – it´s possible to realize the context between thoughts and feelings – and to change thought-patterns. to write and read your diary can help with that.
“In order to find one´s place in the infinity of being, one must be able both to separate and to unite.” I Ching, Richard Wilhelm
Hi! My first time replying here!
The only way to cure ourselves of bitterness is to allow ourselves to feel all we feel. For example, if you feel bitter, don’t be ashamed, don’t ignore it or push it away, feel it, stay with it and then (most importantly) let it go. I usually try to put a time limit on these ‘socially non acceptable’ feelings. I will say to myself, i feel bitter, i hate feeling bitter but i am human and i will allow myself to feel bitter until tomorrow morning! :)
*LISA*
For myself, the only thing that works is forgiveness.