(a version of this article circulates in internet having me as its author. In fact, I did not write it, but I made a few corrections and decided to republish it here)
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ESPANOL AQUI: CERRANDO CIRCULOS
PORTUGUES AQUI: ENCERRANDO CICLOS
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One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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Just what i needed for today
I found this what you wrote on another site and was moved by it As times goes we see our steps and some aren’t found covered or acknowedged. Some are and I think this is what your writing reminds me of. Our solidity in our foundation of where we are and how we got there. Can you let go of the past? However horific? Can you be who you are however powerful? You are saying that it is worth it…to work through and beyond. Thank you for the insight.
This post reminded me of this quote: “All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another.” ~ Anatole France
Years ago I met the love of my life, she was everything I dreamed a woman should be. I did not only love her, but I adored her. However, time went by and I made a mistake, which she never forgave me for.
We talk here about closing the door and moving forward. But the question is when is right to close a door and when is right to give one more chance ?
God forgave us, gave us a new chance, and showed us that people can change and learn from their mistakes. However, why we cannot give another chance ?
I have learned a lot from this experience, and it has helped me to love even more the person I hurt in the past. From that point of view, I cannot live my life closing doors to every person that does wrong to me, I think that it is important to keep in mind that people can sometimes change and therefore a bad situation can be turned into something even better than before.
Happy New Year and a Merry Christmas to All,
And to Alex.
I’ve been through some closures in my life. I released myself from people & things and people & things from myself. But that was only after I believed everthing that needed to be done, was done or I was broken. People need and deserve second chances but sometimes when something is broken, it becomes impossible. And if it’s broken, maybe it was meant to be a part of your learning who knows…
I feel so broken since yesterday and this is just the note I placed in my page this morning under Reamonn’s “Out of Reach” fan video:
“Humans are naturally born sad because they start life missing a lot of things. Most think that need to get to be happy but no…I do not agree. We only need to learn. To keep. To love. To be. So sad…I am.”
Best wishes to all and to you…
D.
I was just at an energy healing session yesterday where I told her that I was still grieving over the loss of my last relationship. However, this man came to comfort me at the loss of my father at the beginning of this month and has called me several times since then. Ironically, I had found him after being rejected, once again, by a man that I loved but could not love me back. This man then showed up again recently after not seeing me for two years. We just had a very nice dinner and conversation regarding the passing of my father and it felt like closure to me. I asked myself why should he show up now right when my father was leaving this world and, when I was attempting to let go of my last lover.
The cycles of life are sometimes difficult to understand but I am working on closure with all of these men, none of whom had the capacity to express love verbally. My last lover was able to express best it in materials ways. However, I need someone who can share themselves–their heart, soul and mind–not just their paycheck. I thank you for putting into words the path that I now must take. And, painful as it is, I will persevere and thrive!
Love and light, Christmas blessings and a happy and healthy New Year to you!
Deborah
paulo,
não se pode recurperar um sonho…tentar seria estragá-lo, vc não acha?
…….. this is really a good stuff
…….. the word is acceptance
^_^ ……. Happy Christmas
Sometimes you CANNOT walk away and close a cycle just because it no longer fits YOUR life…not when it involves someone ELSE’s life. when a loved one is dying, and they still wish to hang on despite all their pain and suffering, despite all YOUR pain and suffering you are going through to take care of them as best as you can, you wish it were all over and you FEEL in your heart this has gone on longer than it should have, and you HAVE forgotten the happiness of the other stages in your relationship…it’s not right to walk away. it’s not right to let them die. it’s not right to live only YOUR life. and you continue to put your life on hold for them. because you tell yourself and you tell them every day that you love them, and hope that it is still the truth, that your love has not become hollow, or turned into resentment that you cannot admit, where every time you say “i love you” it becomes a curse rather than a blessing.
why one becomes so helpless in forgetting someone who no more exists or cares? why broken relations haunt us?
where i fully agree with this writing i have an addition too. my addition is under heading of Acceptance as this is much understood on this blog.
I accept that whatever i did to keep relation was not enough.
I accept that my heart was not as power ful as i thought.
My emotions were not that ever green to keep that someone.
Next time, i will be wiser. i will keep struggling , keep searching for true and most high kind of love that can exist between man n woman till my last breath. those with whom i try are n were milestones to groom me. when i will reach my destination i will found healing and thereof i will forget sufferings.
so till then i remember my failures as they make me realize that i have to grow. have to be wiser. thinking of lost love is painful but rewarding. what hurts us more is the feeling ” WERE MY EMOTIONS / MY LOVE meaningless’ answer is YES. they were meaningless n nothing else they must have paid.
I walked as a slave does…bent under the weight of unwashed sorrows, memories creased with the dirt of yesterday’s pain, clothes smelling of bitter sweat…then the river beckoned, where I could wash myself of myself. Thank you Mr.Coelho. From The Alchemist when I was 17 to Aleph when I am 32…your voice has been a soothing murmur.
Thank you sir for such a wonderful writing …I was in a great need to hear this …lots of love ,light and blessings :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR To You TOO Sir
Start moving so I can start blessing..
We’re linked forever,your doing not mine.No matter what happens to you,it happens to me and vice versa.So please,let it be joy!Yes mistakes happen.They are just some people you can’t be friend with indeed,not wishing bad,just the way it is.
Things are better with my dad :)
Have a nice day
Blessings
Thanks to a fateful monday morning and the ‘evil eye’ that prowls all over,
I expect to see some battle scars, when ‘my precious’ returns back to me from the workshop. I already had some and have grown even more since last night that are bound to last for a long long time to come.
All this, While someone is busy planning the next move and enjoying the show from their warm rooms and cosy chairs. In the name of growth, what have we achieved? i fear i may grow out of the body next time and may not be lucky every time!
Thank you sir, for the enlightenment. To realise its easy to let go off….to forget and forgive the past….to learn to connect to the Now and move ahead appreciating the dawn and the time we have to love ourselves and others around us.
Thanks
Sometimes the other loved one DOES NOT ACCEPT THE ENDING…the pain and the loss and hurt of others too..namely children ..)if you have not experienced this then you have no idea what I am talking about.
Love
Breda
Mind blowing stuff, that is so true! Thank you for the words of wisdom
Leaving something behind is never easy, there’s always a mourning process. Maybe a pain that never fully leaves. But life goes on…
I see your beauty, Vanda.
i don’t understand why i should not expect my efforts to be appreciated or my love understood. is that really why i’m at a standstill? after much forethought, i have come to believe that i don’t know how to be happy. I’m distressed, depressed, angry, happy and furious – all of it in a day without fail. i don’t feel the need to communicate; not with my husband and more often than not, not even my kids. on the contrary – your write-up touched me enough to scribble my mind here. thanks – all of it makes wonderful sense; and i hope i will learn to let go..
Un separacion anunciada es cuestion de que la familia, que ya salio del Nido mis hijas amadas!!1 conprendan que no hay solucion alguna ya termino Siempre ellas estaran en mi mente . pero no se el por que de tanta Inconprension, a lo que ya murio , estube un lindo matrimonio , eso yo lo Trabajaba dia a dia , me rebajaba suplicandole me escuchara, todo parecia Molestarle , nunca lo mire sonreirme . fue algo que yo no podia entender soy alegre y ya quiero volar muy lejos de aqui.sin dejar a nadie que me Llame para poder soltarme de todo los que me mamipularon .Gracias Feliz Navidades al lado de sus seres queridos .Shalom la paz del señor …
In swedish:
Att göra avslut
(En version av denna artikel cirkulerar på internet med mig som dess upphovsman. Faktum är att jag skrev den inte, men jag gjorde några korrigeringar och bestämde mig för att återge den här)
Man måste alltid veta när ett skede kommit till ett slut. Om vi insisterar på att stanna längre tid än det som krävs, förlorar vi lyckan och betydelsen av de andra faserna i livet vi måste gå igenom.
Att göra avslut, stänga dörrar, avsluta kapitel – vilket namn vi än ger det, det viktiga är att lämna det i det förflutna, de stunder i livet som är avklarade.
Har du förlorar ditt jobb? Har en kärleksfull relation tagit slut? Har du flyttat ut från dina föräldrar? Flyttat utomlands? Har en långvarig vänskap helt plötsligt tagit slut? Du kan tillbringa en lång tid med att undra varför det har hänt.
Du kan intala dig själv, att du kommer inte att ta ett enda ytterligare steg förrän du tagit reda på varför vissa saker som var så viktiga och så fasta i ditt liv har förvandlats till damm, bara så där. Men en sån inställning kommer att vara fruktansvärt påfrestandeför alla inblandade: dina föräldrar, din man eller hustru, dina vänner, dina barn, din syster.
Alla avslutar kapitel, vänder nya blad, går vidare med livet, och de kommer alla att må dåligt av att se dig stå stilla i livet.
Saker passerar förbi, och det bästa vi kan göra är att låta dem verkligen försvinna.
Det är därför det är så viktigt (hur smärtsamt det än må vara!) att förstöra souvenirer, flytta, ge bort massor av saker till välgörenhet, sälja eller skänka bort böcker du har hemma.
Allt i den synliga världen är en manifestation av den osynliga världen, om vad som händer i våra hjärtan – och att göra sig av med vissa minnen betyder också att ge utrymme för andra minnen att ta deras plats.
Gör dig av med saker. Släpp dem. Frigör dig från dem.
Ingen i detta liv spelar med märkta kort, så ibland vinner vi och ibland förlorar vi. Räkna inte med något i gengäld, förvänta dig inte att dina ansträngningar ska bli uppskattade, att din förmåga ska bli upptäckt, att din kärlek ska bli förstådd.
Sluta att slå på din känslomässiga tv för att se på samma program om och om igen, det som visar hur mycket du lidit av en viss förlust: det är bara att förgifta dig, ingenting annat.
Ingenting är farligare än att inte acceptera avbrutna kärleksrelationer, ett arbete som är utlovat utan startdatum, beslut som alltid skjuts på i väntan på det “ideala tillfället.”
Innan ett nytt kapitel påbörjas, måste det gamla vara avslutat: intala dig att det som har varit, kommer aldrig tillbaka.
Kom ihåg att det fanns en tid då du kunde leva utan den där saken eller den personen – ingenting är oersättligt, en vana är inte ett behov.
Detta kan låta så självklart, det kan även vara svårt, men det är mycket viktigt.
Gör avslut. Inte på grund av stolthet, oförmåga eller arrogans, utan helt enkelt därför att det inte längre passar in i ditt liv.
Stäng dörren, byt skiva, städa huset, skaka av dammet.
Sluta att vara den du var, och förändra dig till den du är.
GOTT NYTT ÅR!!!
Paulo Coelho på svenska: http://www.facebook.com/PauloCoelhoSverige
Översättning: OLaVie
It is necesary to close the close our past cycles eventhought some times it is dificult to let things and people let go, just put them in a beautuful place in your brain and thank God to have found them.
hay ciclos dolorosos del pasado que por màs, que uno se esfuerza en cerrarlos. siempre hay alguien que lo habra, mejor es usar la distancia
pedir a Dios bendiciones para esas personas y sabiduria, fortaleza y cordura para uno,
My ex-girlfriend used your quote when she dumped me. Of course, I had been quoting Paulo throughout our relationship, but this is the one she remembered. But it really helped our relationship end very smoothly. She just said “I think we have reached that phase in our relationship where it has to end.” So, of course I said I agreed and that if we insisted on staying longer than was necessary then we will lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have gone through. Not exactly, but something like that. No fight. No nothing.
This one really struck me. Every line gives moral values in life especially this : “Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.”
Thanks for this timely words!
but what happens to the unanswered questions?? Maybe they were never meant to be understood and answered! I m trying to let myself go on with the new rythm of life.. liked your message as always. It would be great to start afresh. Happy New Year.
We are so happy to get your sweet words everyday just to start the day with new enthusiasm and hope. thank you.
thank you paulo, you really understand human nature very well… i really felt good after reading this blog.. thank you very much.!!
thank you for such beautiful and truthful post. when i read it i was crying and realise that it so speaks about my life at the moment. Yes i have let go so many things, so many thoughts and feelings but it is very difficult but if everything in our lifes would be so easy we would get bored of it, so i will try closing all cyrcles but it will go very slowly. Thank you once more Paole and wish you and everyone on the world the best start to the new year filled with just good thing.
Perhaps, I’m in this cycles situation right now. But, when to think that I still have parents and sister that “possibly” they still need me to “help” them, I decide to let these cycle condition away.
And, what will happen if I lost them?
nor parents, or friends?
should I let it go away?!
Lost everything and turned in to dust, frustating. But need to keep breathing and alive.
Anyway, I’m agree for “stop being who you were but be who you are”
do we wait for things to fall away or do we open our arms (and wings) wide and let ourselves fall?..into the unknown, the great infinite space of potential available to all of us…
i have been waiting and waiting and yet i have begun to realise ‘what am i waiting for?’..i am ready, i am willing..and without knowing how, i have decided to take a leap of faith and step out into the life i know is waiting for me…incredibly scarey! and yet..if i dont i feel that the skin of my old life, tho full of blessings and richness, may grow far too uncomfortable as it doesnt fit with the me that i feel like i am today…
loved reading this post, so helpful to know i am not alone as i walk my warrioress’s path in this beautiful world…
in gratitude
heidi xxx
It is like grieving to give up the past, especially when it has had such an impact on your life. I believe we all have a right to grieve our emotions but when something or someone is gone ,it’s gone. That is our way out,our escape route. God has left this door open for us to step through. Yes it is hard but so has been everything else you have left behind. I recently joined a gym and it hurts and it looks ugly {a big sweaty lady} but I was already hurting and in pain and I was already unattractive and unhealthy. Walking through the door and closing it behind me helps me see a new me .I would rather be in pain and ugly doing something about it than wallowing in it. Namaste.
I completely agree with Coelho, we cannot begin a new chapter in our life if we don’t accept that we need to close a previous cycle in our existence. Everything should be renewed, giving space to the future!!!
I am also trying to close a chapter…. and as you said I can’t make sense why all of sudden the whole thing ended,but now I have decided to close the chapter because nothing hurts more than not be valued ,appreciated or loved by the person you love so much….
And I hope your message will help me closing all those chapters……
los ciclos de cierre,uy que ciertos que son, si te dejaron por otra tu te atormentas pensando que hice mal ,en que falle,etc y te cuesta un mundo cerrar ese ciclo aunque tu sabes que tienes que hacerlo,pero tu mente es como casette que da vuelta y vuelta en tu cabeza, y te lleva tiempo superar ese episodio de tu vida.Me gustaria la tecnica para superar y cerrar esos ciclos que te carcomen como un cancer.gracias por sus buenos consejos
Listening to the new sound of music
to enter into a Disco Vary
It’s music to my New Y ear
thank you
:)
with love
Justo lo que debo de hacer en mi vida. Sin embargo hay cosas que haz logrado en tu vida a pesar de sufrimientos que no puedes borrar simplemente porque te han dado felicidad en su momento aunque en el hoy te hagan sufrir, más esto no es excusa para arrancarte todo aquello que te daña. Adecuada lectura para fin de año y nuevos propósitos para el nuevo ciclo que comienza. Gracias Sr. Coelho.
“The fact that a pen stroke creates words and images amazes me…..but it also gives me pause…..i have unlocked the door to my dreams……i just wish my nightmares do not follow!” Our memories are a part of us. They are locked deep inside us and constitute what we are today at any given. Denying past memories by giving away souveniors is like trying not to look at your injured hand and trying to imagine that i only had one hand. Such a state of mind is called delusional, therefore, i have reservations with this ‘letting go’. Although i agree that we cannot be happy unless we let go. So the choice is to live in reality a painful life or live in delusion a peaceful life. I prefer to live in reality no matter what the cost is for i know what it feels like to be delusional, as ultimately you have to wakeup from the sweet dream!
I think your point of view is more true to life….we don’t have to grieve over expectations which haven’t come true but it doesn’t mean we must completely forget our past. We can learn a lot from what had happened even if it was painful and think that some life lessons were necessary for our growth. We should be realistic and think about the future, but our past will never disappear, no matter how hard we try to forget it…
child: no need to say good bye to someone who has never said hello to you. mother: right. so it is, my darling.
father: a lil bit bitter medicine is very healthy for you.
child: i do it anyway. :)
Good Bye & Happy New Day & Happy New Year Dear Paulo Coelho & Family!
best wishes
Dear Paulo
Noi in realta’ non esistiamo, siamo solo la somma del nostro passato e la speranza del nostro futuro, siamo le mani che hanno plasmato nella nostra storia e le mani a cui ci tenderemo prima di dissolverci,.-Il passato il presente ed il futuro sono lo stesso momento di una unica esistenza, in una frazione di tempo troppo piccola troppo infinitesimale al confronto dell’universo perche possa avere un inizio ed una fine……….
A veces resulta dfícil cerrar esos círculos. Hay cosas y personas que desaría apartar de mi vida , pero siempre están ahí se van y vuelven.
Thank you sir for expressing the most obvious truth we all know but are hardly able to keep track with it’s meaning…I have complete broken down because I lost my relationship without any reason..I wish to stand for myself and I do realize that neither running behind would work nor sobbing for those memories…the best way is to shut down this chapter and move forward keeping only the lessons you learned and experiences you gained from the closed up chapter of your life….every body understands this but why is it so difficult to apply this norm in just 1 go??
Too many prompts render us slavelike in mentality.
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