10 SEC READ: Prayers and children

Thank you so much for that post Paolo and its message we have to receive in order to “change” what is happening on the planet and stop its impact.

Some years ago, after deciding not to die and deciding now to walk a path unknown, a path that had as guidance what my heart aspired too, on the path of discovering who I was to understanding that I had to get rid of a mountain of lies, false believes, mental edifications, suddenly laughter came back, “naivety”, foolishness, name it as you want. Then, one day, as I was with friends laughing, saying many things, my child told me “Mom, stop that”. And I saw how he was not at ease to see me in that state of being. I realized then how I had shout my own child with what society call “respect, authority concept” and how I had been egoist or maybe more not able to ask and be responsible for my needs and instead of telling and asking, of existing, saying “now, you stop this your sister is trying to sleep” when it was “I am so tired and I would so much appreciate to have a bit of silence. Would you please for a moment do less noise.” I then realized how I had castrated my kids as I had been castrated. When I saw this, it was “rain”, dark, culpability, etc …. And then I forgave myself for I did not know what I was doing. Went to speak to my kid and told him that who he lived with until today was a prisoner, someone who dreams had been castrated, someone who thought that in order to be loved had to be this or that and that the true me was now who he saw and lived with today. I am in so much gratitude to have been able to see the truth.

I have a past with gurus, church, etc … and have visited that kind of spirituality. At the moment of my path where I was with this pastor and the church, that is the place where I observed they castrated with force, and with my own story, I did what I was told to be loved by this God they presented. Until I decided that it was crazy … they preach love and ask to discipline the kids … they preach freedom and ask not to participate in nothing from this world … they preach forgiveness and judge all the time the members … they preach compassion, understanding and then tell me that I cannot pursue in the Sunday Class because I smoke cigarettes … One day I left and even I told this God to understand that for a time I needed to believe nothing. I remember, after another stay at a rehabilitation center for depression and alcoholism (which had come back even with all that I did I was told to find happiness), I had to go to Alcoholic Anonymous meetings and when they recited the prayer of the Holy Father, I was unable and became agitated when the words “that your wish be accomplished”, for I did not know what was his wish and I feared his wish … It took me 3 years before starting to communicate with a something greater to which I wanted to give no name, no qualities, no nothing … and I went and continued my path until today.

Without having read nothing and being alone I went my path, to discover during some teachings, courses, lectures that I was protected in a sense and guided, that I was never alone. I have come back to who I am, been courageous to go into me, to comprehend what was happening to me, to seek what needed to be changed within me to live, if it is even just one day, one day of total “inner” freedom.

This priest represent clearly the mind that is educated and does with a structure that thinks it gives life but kills live.

Krishnamurti says: “It serves nothing to observe the cosmos, the universe through a telescope if order does not prevail in you. Order must start here, in your own life, and then an extraordinary relation with the universe.” We need all our senses, and I believe also in praying, meditation. We need “silence of the mind”, we need to accept to empty all without fear and say “I do not know nothing” and start new, like a child. This man also says “one has to be able to be in a deep negation, has to say “I do not know nothing” and stay there. Saying this, “I do not know” is a state of absolute immobility.” And I will finish with words from this man when he was speaking of how a teacher should be with his pupil. “Can you give to your students the sense of liberty, the sense of being protected, that they have a special role in this life, that they are unique.” In order to do so, one must transform his spirit, mind, entirely, a state that appears when there is total confidence, when one has put on the cross all his past and is free.”

The heart has to time frame, no words saying “child”, “adult” … it is, and if I follow my heart and not my mind or others opinion, others rituals, others traditions, I create my own. The Master Jesus on the cross said to the other next to him that “now” he could enter. This man did not have to go through all kinds of rituals, etc, etc, to enter. He just had to recognize who he was and that that tree of knowledge inside him that was growing needed to die in order to live.

Love, Jojo.

Reply