Past and Present


How do you make peace with a negative past and with those who have wronged you?
(By Alex)

In order to move from the past to the present you need to accept your scars. But you need to do everything in your power in order to heal them so that the ghosts of your past will no longer barge in your present life.

It is a long and difficult process I grant you – but it’s a way out of guilt and hatred in my eyes.

How does one keep enthusiasm, especially when you meet people who are well.. scary and mean?
(By Gina)

It’s normal that we don’t always keep our enthusiasm in front of obstacles. Indeed some people truly make an effort in destroying our plans and hopes and so they appear as evil.

But in these moments, if you are able to remind yourself of the reason of your actions and also see that those that are committed in creating pain around them are actually their first victims – then you may at least find an extra dose of consolation in your path. Ally yourself with those that wish you the best and don’t give strength to those that want to see you down. Don’t even grant them the right to be called your “enemies”.

How do you stop sadness? (By Nuri)

By welcoming it and living it intensively for a determined amount of period. In my case I give myself three days to be completely submersed in this feeling.

Once I’ve let sadness pay me a visit, then I kindly ask it to leave. Sadness is then satisfied and leaves.

Comments

  1. Ganar Dinero says:

    Let it also be known to the readers, there are ghouls in these tunnels, should you be like me, fall into such a dilemma, and find yourself, such in this underground world; fate does not always play fair, nor does it favor any one person.

  2. vero says:

    es verdad, que frente al dolor, debemos tomarnos un tiempo para dejar aflorar, todo lo que llevamos dentro, porque sino todo el dolor o la furia, la volcariamos en las personas que nos rodean…

  3. Ghazal says:

    I love some one madly and deeply and I’m so scared he’d go away and leave
    just to keep him with me I obey whatever he says and I never complain even his wrong doings
    I’m scarec to be alone :( very scared not being loved .

    1. dewi says:

      You need to sit down and talk with your partner about your insecurity and quickluym you must tell him how you feel otherwise you’ll contoinue to be a victim and a prisoner. You don’t lead your life by a dog collar, you should be a free spirit, and your lover ashould’mt determine what you can and can’t do.

  4. shubhra says:

    dear paulo…i have this friend who does not believe in love..now how do i explain to that person without telling that only cowards dont believe in love…he/she has given in to a miserable situation and not willing to fight..it just saddens me more and more as i hold her/him in a very high esteem….

  5. Tan says:

    Dear paolo,
    i have realised after time that i lacked self cinfidence around others i know,i am one whos decisions were made for and followed plans and raraely made my own, ive been with people who tend to put me down and i was shy and scared to be bold and aggressive with my decisions not unless i consult someone. how do i gain my self confidence and be content with whom ever i am this day and on ?

  6. Shreya Damani says:

    Awesome!

  7. Pankaj Rastogi says:

    There is no past or future but present only.This is the mentalhabit of the human beings which keeps them either in past or in future.If we concentrate on the moment ,we will find that nothing is beyond the mement ,the whole universe is there.

  8. Cory Clay says:

    Beautiful as always Paulo! When we can make peace with the past, know that there is no separation between us and God (so there is no enemy), when we can honor our feelings and love ourselves completely (moment-by-moment)we experience joy!

  9. sirisha says:

    hmmm,how to deal with sadness?, we all want feel joy, but nobody likes to feel sad, yet, when we do feel sad, we must let it be, cos it will eventually go away, and it will go away sooner if you do nothing rather than try to fight it..

    1. dewi says:

      Thanks Sirisha, I just recently split up with a partner I’ only been with a short time and it was my fault. I was tremendously sad and hurt for weeks but Am slowly letting go and feeling more psitive. Without resorting to cliches, happiness is nothing without sadnessm

  10. aileen says:

    Hi. I am a big fan of your writings and was very inspired by it. I am constantly being visited by sadness. Everytime I try to ask for it to leave me,it just stays longer. I understand what you mean completely. It’s just, no one stays with me and I am completely devastated by it. Right now, don’t have anybody with me. I am away with my family. my friends hate me and don’t want to spend time with me. i don’t know what went wrong. I am completely doing everything on my own now. Every night i am crying and asking what is wrong with me. i’ve given a lot and never ask anything. sometimes i just want to fall down and stay there…

    1. şehnaz says:

      actually they have problem between together and with theirselves.parents.when they don’t solve their problem they will punish you.They will never solves their problems.they fear from the solves to be dangerous for theirselves.so punish you.you can be do this to others.It’s circling and goes on.love yourself love books love flowers and wait for good people

  11. Venkatesh says:

    Hello Sir,

    Fear of future, of what will happen next, of how, of will it happen etc..lies beneath deep in our hearts and that is what stops us from taking risks and also living our precious lives in true sense. What is the practical way according to you, to keep fears at bay every moment and live life in truest possible sense?

    Best Regards.

  12. patricia says:

    I always try to remember that I am my first and last eiher alli or enemy

  13. soph says:

    Deep sadness, pain and anger seem to have settled inside of me – uninvited and unauthorised – after broken trust and love by someone i work with – so past is permanently physically part of the present in some way. Working on acceptance…but soooooo hard. So difficult to accept the callousness of some. Thank you all for wise words.
    it will pass – it will pass – it will pass….

    1. Patricia says:

      Dear Soph; perhaps reading The Power of Now by Eckard Tolle as i did will help you live without that burden of pain caused by your co worker. Wishing you well,
      Patricia.

  14. Susie Q says:

    Goodbye Sadness, Hello Gladness.

  15. Verónica says:

    Al final de cuentas somos seres humanos con muchos errores y virtudes,pero lo mas importante es saber reconocer en que estamos fallando, darnos algunos permisos de tristeza, de odio y de coraje, pero que no duren demasiado, al final de cuentas son experiencias que nos regala la vida misma para seguir creciendo……….. Gracias Paulo, te quiero mucho. Gracias por compartir tus experiencias de vida.

  16. eugenia says:

    porque aveces sigues amando a una persona que te ha hecho daño?

  17. shirley zawada says:

    I’m trying to get rid of the past so hard and there is no goodbye.Even in dreams it comes back.

  18. Desmond says:

    The problem is very easy but we don’t want the true, in BIBLE you find it, GOD said forgive as I forgive you.
    That will bring healing and cure your scares.
    And we GOD everything is possible.
    If JESUS sets you free you will be free indeed. John 8:36
    Amen

  19. fadette says:

    hii sir
    first i’m sorry for the way i’m expressing myself since i don’t speack very well english
    then i would like to contact you before but i did’nt find the best way to do it
    then despite i think u have not lot of time i dreamed for so long to ask u some things so if u think that i can ask u
    a sign will be sufficient thnks for reading this

  20. Aliki says:

    Embrace your past as having been unique experiences which brought you to where and who you are today – and choose to let go of the ghosts :-)

  21. shrividhya says:

    Hi All

    past is always a lesson one can learn from oneself. it gives strength and courage to see the present and face the future. for most of the people in this world, past is bitter.. but the lesson cannot be bitter as u learn out of your mistakes..its always good to penetrate or attach oneself into all emotions (happiness, sorrow, grief, love).. let it to go inside you.. and then deattach urself from it.. its the best way of knowing the depth of the emotions which ever it could be!! its called the complete satisfaction of the feel..

  22. Leonie says:

    My question is how do you deal when you are put in doubt of your own intuition? How do you trust anything if you cannot trust your intuition?
    Been a long road healing scars, but positive approach and inspiring philosophies helped. But it seems that the universe keep testing me and just as I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the train hits me.
    Without intuition…one is without an inner voice and without an inner voice one is left empty.

    1. La Sirena says:

      I would first ask you who or what is putting doubt in you about your OWN intuition? (OWN is in caps because it is YOURS)I have found that to know and trust my intuition, I had to practice, practice, practice at it until I had little to no doubt whatsoever in its ability to guide my actions. It also depends on what you are looking for guidance about. Ask yourself what created the last “lesson” you learned, and was it a success or failure. Was your intuition wrong on the same topic more than once? If so, then it sounds like old tapes are simply being replayed in hopes of a different outcome. (And sometimes, shit just happens, with nothing being your fault)Impossible, of course, for that to happen. Can’t go down the same road with the same pothole and not expect to fall in it. You have to take a different road. Doesn’t mean that road won’t have potholes down that road either, but hopefully you will recognize them when you see them and divert yourself from the imminent plunge. Intuition also utilizes the common sense you’ve learned as you’ve grown into an adult. I also think that some folks are just more “in tune” with their environment because they aren’t distracted by electronics, children, a bad marriage etc. and have more opportunities to fine-tune their intuition because of the space around them. Don’t be hard on yourself if you do the “wrong” thing rather than what you THINK would be the right thing “if you only followed your intuition”. Sometimes I even have to get “hit over the head” a few times before I recognize that I FORGOT to use/follow my intuition. And depending on your belief system, perhaps you were SUPPOSED to make that “mistake” in order to really understand your truer path. It took me 4 breakups with a guy who was really not good for me before I stuck to my guns and knew without a doubt that he had been lying to me and did NOT deserve a place in my life. But I was swayed by promises of a secure future and hormones. It happens to many of us. Did it hurt to realize I had been ignoring my intuition for the past 6 months? yes. Because I know what a capable woman I am in many other areas of my life. So now I have to forgive myself for not having faith in my intuition BUT also realize that I am more intuitively powerful than I would accept. Its scary to hold such personal power. But it has to be used otherwise it turns to frustration. So practice, practice, practice situations where you need your intuitive powers, and remember the outcomes of each. Then recall the results for the next time, and use your common sense hand-in-hand to forge a new vision. You ABSOLUTELY have the tools to do this. I know because you had the heart to pose your question. I think that you are sad about something though. So deal with the sad thing to make room for more positive things. Talk to someone you trust, or even your dog or cat, get it out of your system, and carry on. Move forward, upward on onward. You are worth it, Friend. Nobody said life was going to be easy. If it were, I’d have won the lottery by now! xo

  23. amethyst says:

    I have realized that our past is the cause of who we are now… and the person we are now is the fruit of our past.

    We can only bid goodbye to our past if it is painful.. if it is not helpful to our growth..

    but we should hold on to our past if those things are helpful to us as a person.

    remember that we can not change our past anymore, no matter how we try to UNDO things… it wont change….
    it was already there…

    we have to endure our present life… even if all of us are captives of our own identities and we are all prisoners of our own cells….

    1. laura says:

      El mismo apostol Pabl decía que tenía una lucha interna ,”que tenia una lucha interna entre su painterior espiritual y la carne que lo conducía al pecado . . . . . . Todos soms vicitimas de una lucha , desde la herencia genética (hasta 5 generaciones para atras,creo) nuestro pasado,el tema es luchar internamente para que nuestro presente elabore un futuro mejor creo que ahí está el verdadero desafio ” gracias por la reflexión

    2. marcelo says:

      si cambiamos hoy,iremos mejorando nuestro pasado. es decir,hoy…sera pasado.hay que anelar,hay que poner el alma en cada sueño,mañana… sera presente,quizas hoy nos damos cuenta,que nunca es tarde,para cambiar. si queremos un futuro mejor,luchemos hoy y cada momento iremos mejorando nuestro pasado…en este momento.cuando comencemos sera un buen momento y un futuro mejor

  24. jessica says:

    Thank you for the advices. Appreciate them.

    One dose of chocolate, keeps the sadness away. :)

  25. Mike says:

    Thank you Paulo… I’m dealing with Sadness now and it’s been a little longer than 3 days… but of course your words make me feel better.

    Blessings,

    Mike

  26. Ruzi says:

    well said about sadness. In fact I practice the same and it really works. When you try to resist it stays inside you more …

    1. Coach says:

      When you RESIST, it will PERSIST !!

  27. bhaskar saikia says:

    I have read earlier your way of dealing with sadness for 72 hours. And I want to say that, I have also started using this technique, and it has been working in my life since then.I have overcome many a life’s failure because of you, which earlier seems impossible.

    Thank you Paulo.

    Regards
    Bhaskar
    India, Assam, Guwahati

  28. archana says:

    hello sir,
    i need your suggestion..what if we have a negative past and we are the reason for others suffering?

    1. verna says:

      Ask for their forgiveness and you must learn to forgive yourself too . . then try not to commit the same mistakes again. =)

  29. saba khan says:

    How do you stop sadness? (By Nuri)

    By welcoming it and living it intensively for a determined amount of period. In my case I give myself three days to be completely submersed in this feeling.

    Once I’ve let sadness pay me a visit, then I kindly ask it to leave. Sadness is then satisfied and leaves

    i agree with this question but if sadness dont go than wht i do, im also sad from 4 days i try so many thing visit relative, go out with frds but still im not happy, i dont understand why im not happy…..

  30. Fay says:

    As a matter of fact, I accept my scars and I do cherish them; but the ghosts of my past do not leave no matter how much I try. A simple song can bring it all back. Paulo, how long this process could take? A lifetime ?

  31. Lya says:

    Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the past… specially when dealing of the loss of a love… one that you thought was forever!! But as they say: “This too shall pass”

    1. Tebza says:

      truly so the loss of love is not easy to deal with especially if you have invested in it emotionally for many years confident that its for eternity. Worse knowing you’ve been wronged yet you still wish for a miracle on the person to change and comeback.

    2. Kim says:

      Review your LOVE it is is not an investment! it is an unconditional harmless emotion which gives contented pause to our desires and erotic expectations .As you think its an investment …dear friend you have not lost your love it is still flowing in you with hope of change and comeback. beleive in eternity.

    3. aristide says:

      oui , c’est vrai je suis d’accord avec mr kim. l’amour est un sentiment qu’on n’a sois même et qu’on ressent c’est comme le désir en faite si je ne me trompe pas !

  32. Mei says:

    I love what “blossom” explained: “We have the right to be sad, we are human, we are not robots… So when he said let it sink for a reasonable period of time, that meant let yourself experience it, and let it go. And I agree with him.”

    So truth, experience the pain… let time do the forgiveness… time will fade the pain, its hard and take time… accepted the past and move on… wish i understand all this sooner. Forgive is the only answer to heal your pain, I have so many pain inside me for many years, it hurts everytime i think about it, a friend post a video on facebook, the word forgive wakes me up, I realised FORGIVE is the only way i want to stop my pain… i feel so light… We’re the only one hurting if we don’t forgive and forget… who know you’re in pain?

    1. alexandra says:

      lo mejor es perdonar y olvidar.cuesta demasiado y es dificil.pero hay que hacerlo para sentirse mucho mejor con uno mismo..aun que aveces pasa que viene algo del pasado a tu mente por cualquier circustancia que a uno se le presente y te trae todo aquello..tambien hay que saber sobrellevar las cosas y tragar grueso y digerir..en estos momentos estoy pasando por algo triste.es como revivir una pesadilla que habia dejado atras.y estoy batallando conmigo misma y no me es nada facil y estoy luchando por sobrellevar las cosas para sentirm mejor.pero como me cuesta..pero se que que esto tiene que pasar pronto por mi bien emocional y espiritual

  33. ishita says:

    hii
    you are just amazing. you take and accept every single stone and flower offered to you.
    there is indeed one can learn from you.