Conflict

(below is a text that was originally posted as a comment a few days ago. I decided to put it here in the main blog because I am convinced that it is not only her to face this situation. I am looking forward to your opinions – NOT TO TELL CATS WHAT TO DO, but to put yourself and your personal conflicts in the same perspective )

I spent many days in my childhood in the desert.. following my father with his job as a soil scientist/geologist into the rural areas.

ffom three months to age 2 and a half we lived on the edge of a desert; no not in a tent; although spent many weeks camping on sojourns ;o)

Around age 7, it was Egypt’s isolated places;
Then later in life I recall being in Jordan, Wadi Rum, Petra – and all those places inspired me to this day to keep faith and believe in LIFE.

I remember one poignant memory;
the knowledge that I had a choice..
either to continue in the desert and most totally free to shape and carve MY life exactly day by day as I chose without regulation.
Or, I could choose to put roots down, in Europe, and I would lose my individuation, privacy and anonymity – if lucky, after a few years at most.

Effectively, it is about having ownership of one’s own life [the desert] or being part of a group.
The rebel in me chooses the desert every time, even in the city.
I am sure both are equally ok and work just as well for one person whilst not for another.
I guess in the desert, I know that only God is watching and
trying to help direct me… and this is fine.

I thought, back then, that I should never choose anywhere but the open road..
and until aged 34 I have done well to not submit my will..
but right now, I am feeling again – either lose self-determination and stay in Europe, follow the crowd,
or find the open road again and “see with the heart”…

( comment by CATS)