Epictetus (55 A.D.-135 A.D.) was born a slave and became one of the great philosophers of Rome. He was expelled from the city in 94 A.D. and it was while in exile that he came up with a way of teaching his followers. Here is an extract from his Art of Living.
‘Two things may happen when we meet someone: either we become friends or we try to convince that person to accept our beliefs.
The same thing happens when a hot coal meets another piece of coal: it either shares its fire with it or is overwhelmed by the other’s size and is extinguished.
But, since, generally speaking, we feel insecure when we first meet someone, we are more likely to affect indifference, arrogance or excessive humility.
The result is that we cease being who we are, and matters move into a strange world that does not belong to us.
In order to avoid this happening, make your good feelings immediately apparent. Arrogance may only be a banal mask for cowardice, but it prevents important things from flourishing in your life.’
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
Being yourself is a risky business. But the other option is losing yourself by not being real. I would say that losing yourself is a bigger loss than losing someone you don’t even know.
O sea que para que la gente insegura no caiga en el error de mostrarse arrogante lo que hay que hacer es hacerlos sentirse cómodos y confiados y hablarles de ese modo. Me causa gracia ésto porque la gente insegura acostumbra percibirme como arrogante mientras que con la gente segura hay buena onda. No obstante mi responsabilidad como ser humano es tener compasión de quienes no han sido bendecidos con la asertividad para mostrarles el camino de la comunicación y las relaciones humanas.
Il a l’air timide je trouve.
Personellement, un ami c’est un ressenti qui vient de l’ame et qui nous guide intuitivement, le reste c’est de la frime et rien de plus.
Avec amour,
Marie-Christine
Alexandra, I too feel some of the things you are going through. The way I see it, we are in position of learning to understand God, and also being surrounded by everything outside ourself. I feel for you.
There are some beautiful comments by others on this reading, poetry, quotes. I just wanted to say thank you for the reflections that bring happiness to me.
“The least little thing
When you are present and still
Will happiness bring” (LoveM and/or Mark)
Insecurity, like fear, may always be present.
But what good advice, to allow those “good feelings to become immediately apparent”!
Good feelings certainly release happiness and let life’s breezes flow – opening each other to feel safe to be who we are.
What an incredible human being to give these teachings to us.
As always, thank you and blessings, karen
For sure meeting Paulo changed me…See a poem inspired by your idea of the love that consumes, Agape…I hope is not a mistake sharing,and dont mind the simplicity, was done on the spot.
Agape
by A. Mănescu
Steps floating over the ocean
As light clouds
Heart is too full
Willing to provide
share
The pleasure of love that consumes
I extend one arm overhead
I turn and ask
The master of the heavens
To take the heart that burns
To pass it through the sieve
Let It snow with ruby flakes
Love to fall through it
Sifted over the world.
and in my language ( Romanian)
sounds better
Agape
De A. Mănescu
Pașii plutesc deasupra oceanului
Ca norii ușori
Inima e prea plină
Dornică să ofere
Să împartă
Plăcerea iubirii care mistuie
Întind un braț deasupra capului
Mă rotesc și cer
Stăpânului văzduhurilor
Să ia inima care arde
Să o treacă prin sită
Să ningă cu fulgi rubinii
Iubirea să cadă prin ea
Cernută deasupra lumii.
I don’t know what to do …;/ 3 years ago I fell in love …but he’s married and much older than me ;/
Sometimes we feel at ease with new people we meet, sometimes we are feeling nothing, or we are bored or abboyed. Not because of cowardice. But yes, at time, we feel that others expect certain things, so we fear showing our true selves, for not being rejected. I am strugling to accept myself as I am, because who really matters will be just fine with the real me. Usually good and smart people do like me, so I guess they are right about that. Other, they cant stand me because I sense through intuition that they are fake and not honest. Of course I know I have to work on my own self, each day, nonetheless, I too have weaknesses.
“EPICTETO” FILOSOFO QUE VIVIO A PRINCIPIOS DE LA ERA CRISTIANA NOS ENSENA QUE PARA CONSEGUIR INFLUENCIAR A LAS PERSONAS QUE TRATAMOS, DEBEMOS SER FOGOSOS: PERO SIN INDIFERNCIA, NI ARROGANCIA, NI EXSECIVA HUMILDAD, MEJOR SER REALISTA EN NUESTROS IDEALES. ESTA ES MI OPINION…
Isn’t it amazing that such a wise and peaceful human being had the kind of death that he did ? Similar to Socrates ,Seneka and so many others. What’s wrong with the human race ?
I think first impressions can be deceiving sometimes, not everything is what it seems.
Epictetus is right, however some need healing in order to shed thier masks of inconvinience to others and to themselves.
I met people who at first were tough as nails but really inside they were the gentlest beings ever, they simply didn’t want to be hurt…again. Are they really cowards or just a product of conditioning, abuse, neglect etc.?
With love,
Barbara
SE PODRÍA MEJORAR LAS TRADUCCIONES QUE SE HACEN DE LOS TEXTOS DEL SR. COELHO?????
UNO EMPIEZA A LEER CON MUCHO ENTUSIASMO TODOS LOS COMENTARIOS Y SE ENCUENTRA CON PALABRAS QUE QUIZÁS NO TENGA ALTERNATIVA EN OTROS IDIOMAS.-
SE PODRÍA TRABAJAR EN ESTO????
AUNQUE SE TENGA LA IDEA GENERAL DE LO QUE SE QUISO DECIR, SE PIERDE VALOR INTERPRETATIVO EN EL CONTEXTO GENERAL.- GRACIAS
Quiet amazing that someone who was born as a slave managed to overcome the millenniums with his teachings.
i guess we all have so many things in our life which are beyond our control….n in somewhere we all are stuck with those things…keep worrying are the part of today’s life….so keep worrying n live truly….take care
Perhaps today I should ask; In my whole life, who have I included and who have I excluded? We get only one chance to those crucial seconds of a first-impression of a person. We carry around a lot of garbage influencing this decision, how we act and feel in that moment. Circumstances always play a role too. The ultimate feelings this create inside is the truth to me. Feelings it often takes awhile to completely understand. I am grateful there are second chances, and then third and fourth and perhaps more important than anything, there is a last-impression of a person.. Will it last?
A wonderful quote. He is right of course. I have one question. What things are those? I notice not a lot. The forces of nature. Love. Death. Some diseases can not be cured. And God. Or rather God’s plan. Is there one? Are we just puppets? Must we endure whatever fate offers us? I think not. I do not believe in a divine plan. I see the world rather than an interactive game. Every detail is predetermined, but the way we go is our decision. Probably a very modern setting. Unfortunately there are people who have no choice. Why? Then you would have to know the programming of the playing field. We do not know. We do not know all the connections, maybe it would not have to happen. No idea.
“…In order to avoid this happening, make your good feelings immediately apparent. Arrogance may only be a mask for cowardice , but it Prevents important things in your life from flourishing.”
I think that he is absolutely right.
I wish you all a wonderful day
Su preocupación principal fue la ética y la moral, un rasgo que puede decirse que es común a los estoicos, pero en él esta inquietud está enfocada en la “verdadera naturaleza de las cosas” y, dentro de este concepto, hace la distinción de lo que “está bajo nuestro control”, vale decir: lo que depende de nosotros mismos, y lo que esta “fuera de nuestro control” y por lo tanto depende, ya sea de la Naturaleza misma o bien de los demás. En la primera categoría se incluyen conceptos tales como el razonamiento, el deseo, el rechazo, los impulsos y las pasiones. A la segunda categoría pertenecen la salud, las riquezas materiales, la fama, los honores y cosas similares.
Hecha la distinción, Epicteto establece luego dos conceptos fundamentales: el de la prohairesis y el de la dihairesis. La prohairesis – que podríamos traducir libremente por “voluntad” o quizás más correctamente por “libre albedrío” – es lo que distingue al ser humano de todos los demás seres vivos. En este sentido, según Epicteto, “somos nuestra prohairesis”; vale decir, somos lo que por nuestro libre albedrío hemos decidido ser; somos lo que elegimos. En contrapartida, la dihairesis proviene de Sócrates y Platón. Es un método fundado en la posibilidad de dividir grandes grupos en partes relativamente iguales hasta lograr una definición. En Epicteto, la dihairesis es lo que utiliza nuestro libre albedrío para distinguir aquello que está bajo nuestro control de aquello que no lo está.
La conclusión final de esta filosofía es que el bien y el mal se relacionan exclusivamente con nuestra prohairesis, es decir: con nuestro libre albedrío, por lo que no dependen de las cosas externas o circunstanciales. En otras palabras: somos nuestro propio bien y nuestro propio mal, más allá de las circunstancias, puesto que la facultad de elegir reside en nuestro libre albedrío. Somos nosotros los que elegimos. Tenemos la facultad de elegir entre el bien y el mal y, por lo tanto, somos responsables por nuestro propio Destino ya que el mismo está en nuestras propias manos. No así la Fatalidad, que es lo que “nos sucede” y que responde a causas externas fuera de nuestro control, mientras que al Destino lo vamos construyendo con las cosas que hacemos suceder porque las elegimos.
La consecuencia principal de este enfoque es que no debemos permitir que las cosas externas influyan en nuestras determinaciones ni alteren nuestro ánimo. Siendo que no están bajo nuestro control, nada podemos hacer por evitarlas. Pero, en contrapartida, está bajo nuestro control el permitir, o no permitir, que nos afecten. Conociendo, pues, la verdadera “naturaleza de las cosas” – o bien, lo que es lo mismo, el orden imperante en la Naturaleza y el Cosmos – estaremos en condiciones de llevar una vida caracterizada por la serenidad y el equilibrio. No permitiremos que lo externo nos afecte y, ejerciendo nuestra voluntad, no sólo podremos rechazar el mal sino hasta utilizarlo como elemento de aprendizaje para acceder al Supremo Bien.
I guess if Epictetus lived now he’d say “hakuna matata.. what a wonderful phraze”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejEVczA8PLU
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ” – Carl Jung.
:D:D
Love and Gratitude
Annie
Me pregunto si la gente que está conectada a ti en Twitter les llega la relación que tienes con tan solo algunas palabras ya que los que aquí estamos siguiéndote durante muchos años cada vez te fuimos pidiendo más porque necesitábamos conocerte y conocernos, intercambiar y aprender, aprender de ti y aprender de unos y otros y así fue que este blog fue siempre maravilloso y queremos que lo siga siendo porque seguimos caminando juntos.
La primera vez que conocí a Paulo yo tampoco pude articular palabra, me hizo sentir como en mi tierra Galicia con esa Queimada típica de aquí y con un ambiente sencillo de personas entrañables que fui conociendo a medida que pasa el tiempo, pude ver que era un hombre querido por sus amigos de siempre, alegre, serio a la hora de firmar los libros y sobre todo mágico que logra un ambiente mágico con esas velas y esa nieve cayendo como telón fue en Puente la Reina un lugar del Camino de Santiago donde se reunen peregrinos de todo el mundo para caminar juntos hació un lugar común.
Un beso Paulo, fue maravilloso encontrarte
“Au moment ou vous ouvrez les yeux sur la beaute, l’invisible vous regarde.
Vous avez du prix aux yeux de Dieu!’
I read this in the Dominicans’ Church in Montpellier.I believe it is a good guide in your spiritual journey.It meant a lot to me.
The moment you set your eyes onto beauty, the invisible is watching.
You are valuable in God’s eyes.
With love
Marie-Christine
There is no WAY to happiness…
That implies its some distance from you…
And because happiness can only be felt inside…
There is no separation between you and your happiness…
There’s no need to make Yourself happy…
Just don’t make Yourself unhappy…
What ever happens
The pure ground of happiness
Is under your feet
The least little thing
When you are present and still
Will happiness bring
Let all that happens
Embrace you with joy like the
I in happIness
Finding Happiness
It is a stillness inside
After seeking stops
Happiness abounds
You to me and me to you
So itself surrounds
What do my eyes say
I am happy to see you
Do I look that way
Wonderful meeting
Seeing you… laughing again
What else can One:Do
Lovely to see you
Now I can see with my eyes
What was in my heart
Friendliness is the act of recognising the Other in you…
All is yourself… your friendliness reflected back to you
LoveM:)
There is no wrong or no right, there is only the truth. Two possibilities of the same priniciple, whichever you choose will be your reality. Your quote delightfully sums up an ever evolving plight highlighting the human condition.
I have only just been guided to your work and I’m delighted by it. I look forward to reading more and the feelings evoked by the words you convey. Presence and Beauty, those two old friends that cut through the darkness.
Thank you.
the eye connected to the soul… hello
Lots of love,
Vicky
Buongiorno Sig. Coelho,
it’s a long time I follow your books and your blog. Sometimes I found, trought your readings, the will to act and move my life into a new direction. Other times I got from them, hope and dreams.
I would like to give you a 10 sec reading. It’s in Italian and it’s from a Paul Valery’s book. I hope you and all your friends following your blog should appreciate the deep meaning of this conversation between Socrate and Fedro. (how many chance we have in a life and how we die)
Socrate
Io sono nato molti e sono morto uno solo. Il bambino che nasce è una folla innumerevole, che la vita riduce velocemente a un unico individuo, il quale si manifesta e poi muore. Una quantità di Socrati è nata con me; da cui, poco a poco, si distaccò questo Socrate che è stato consegnato ai magistrati e alla cicuta.
Fedro
E che è successo degli altri?
Socrate
Idee. Sono rimasti allo stato d’idee. Avevano chiesto l’essere, ma è stato loro negato. Le conservavo in me, erano i miei dubbi e le mie contraddizioni… A volte, questi germi di persone erano favoreggiate per certe situazioni, in quei momenti siamo molto vicini a cambiare di natura. Ogni tanto troviamo in noi dei gusti e dei doni che non sospettavamo nemmeno: il musicista si converte in stratega, il timoniere si sente un medico, e colui che era specchio di virtù si scopre un Caco con la sua anima da ladro.
Paul Valéry, Eupalinos ou l’Architecte (1921)
La verdad es este tiempo, en mi caso, las relacciones con ciertas personas estaban viciadas. Cuando entras en contacto con alguien o con un grupo de personas, se establece una reorganización en la gerarquía del grupo, la gente segura de si no tiene que competir, el resto se posiciona frente al otro, unos muestran fuerza y desdén hacia el inferior, y otros sumisión, unos utilizan la fuerz para someter y otros la sufren, es injusto pero es así.
Un día vi un documental de un grupo de aves, las de arriba no dejaban integrarse a las más debiles o más jovenes, las atacaban, eran competencia para ellas y aprovechando su indefensión temporal las intentaban eliminar del grupo, algunas optaban por la soledad, se hacían fuertes para poder luchar en igualdad de condiciones con el resto, pero ello les suponía la indefensión y la soledad que provoca estar alejado del grupo, más numeroso y por tanto más fuerte, cuando estaban preparadas volvían y las demás ya no las atacaban, eran más fuertes, habían soportado la prueba y habían conseguido sobrevivir en inferioridad de condiciones y sin apoyo del grupo.
Respecto a la frase de Epicurio, a veces me cuesta olvidarme que estoy en una prisión y que simplemente tengo que esperar a que se cumpla mi condena, por mucho que golpee las paredes, la situación es la que es y debo acostumbrarme a que las cosas pasan cuando tienen que pasar, entre tanto ocuparé el tiempo trabajando para estar preparado cuando llegue el momento de la liberación.
Un saludo, hasta pronto, por cierto, he cambiado el correo y no me puedo meter al anterior, no se muy bien lo que he hecho, en cualquier caso, sigo por aquí, bye…
I trust my life and will to HIS WILL! Because behind of everything lies the CAUSE. We ‘see’ and ‘touch’ only the RESULT. Karma, Destiny governs our lives, which is our ..Creation. We need to learn our lesson and yield our egoism and will to LOVE.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
You don’t need words to know whether you like someone or not, intuition guides you there.
Heyb! très intéressant ce billet ;) merci ! et je dois direcque le design du blog est très réussi ! qui l’a desssiné ? :) a+ et bonne contunuation !
Olá Paulo! :)
Hi everyone!
Hi Marieee! :D
What a beautiful thing that you said, Marie! :)
Yeah, it’s like that, we know Paulo’s soul through his books but when we meet the man… Ohh my! He rocks! :D I could say that with you! :P
I’m still waiting for the time to meet Paulo in person and I’m pretty sure that the moment will be as magical as his books and his teachings and that it will also change my life, like it changed yours. It’s sooo good to see you happy, Marie. I can be very happy for you too!
Understanding… That’s a great name, girl! :)
Be blessed you, Marie, with all my heart!
Be blessed you too, dear Paulo!
May the blessings of the Goddess be to all!
Beijooo!!!
Marta :)
THis makes me think about my meeting with you. Lord knows i was so scared and shy to walk up to you and say the simple words hello! for i thought i would faint.
All i knew was this is the man who has written books that have helped change my life, give me understanding of life, books that showed me another world, Books that inspired me to keep fighting the good fight, To let my light shine, to love with no limits.
So when i walked up to you, instaintly i could feel your great loving energy, and it calmed something inside of me. You made me feel welcomed :)
I still think to myself oh my oh my and that box that i always held up in front of me for years afaid to open not quite sure how to open. I’ve taken a peek inside of it now. :)
meeting you what a great experience.
So today I have chosen a new name for myself——Understanding.
bonjour,
je viens de decouvrir votre blog, grace a un article paru sur vous , sur femme actuelle de cette semaine.
ca faisait longtemps que j’avais entendu parler de vous, et plusieurs fois, je me suis dit tiens, il faudrat que je lise les livres de cet homme qui porte le même nom que moi et quelques annees de difference, j’ai 39 ans.seulement moi je suis d’origine portugaise.
et puis je me suis mise a lire vos livres et franchement , je regrette de ne pas l’avoir fait avant, car je deviens vraiment boulimique de votre ecriture.
j’adore la facon que vous avez de tourner les choses, vous avez l’air de quelqu’un de tres poser, mais qui en as passer des galeres.
honnetement , vous me faite penser a mom pere, qui est décédé en 1999,et dont j’en ai beaucoup souffert, je me suis souvent dit que j’allais écrire un livre sur lui, car c’était un homme formidable ( je pense que ca doit venir du nom)!!.
et puis je commence je ne vais jamais au bout, tampis , les souvenirs sont dans ma tête.
j’ai chercher une adresse mail pour vous ecrire, mais je n’ai pas trouvé, alors je vous laisse ici mon message, en souhaitant qu’il ne vous ennuieras pas, mais je suis sure que non.
et c’est aussi avec grand plaisir que j’ai vu qu’un nouveau roman venait de sortir.
merci pour tous ces moments.
marie coelho mompertuis
saintes en charente maritime france
je sais ecrire et lire portugais , au cas ou vous voudriez me repondre, car je suis nulle en anglais.
encore merci
Flap … for a funny Dodo bird landing
Stoicism as a discipline tries to show us how to better live with ourself. Thanks Paulo, I had forgotten this part of my life where I was found of this !!!
Hello All,
Yup, one time I had a serious task: producing, directing and playing one part of a film in the same time. I was complaining, how to “play” these different roles then a girlfriend of mine just said: be yourself, that’s the only way to do this and why on Earth do you want to play roles at all? I was complaining a little more while she was only smiling at me. So I stopped hesitating between the parts I was tearing myself into and just did my job with an opened heart.
Oh, my! I felt I have to be so brave.
The simplicity of being who I am sometimes(?)is still shocking.
Blessings
Li
Très cher monsieur Coelho,
firstly, I want to tell you what a wonderful inspiration your writings are to me. I am sure you hear this many times every single day, but I am going through a period of important life transitions at the moment. The many conversations I share with my mentors and supporters—and through my own writing (such as it is)—only confirm to me every day that I am making the right decision at this time, mainly by slowing down to smell the roses, but more importantly, to reflect on what the real priorities in life are.
As you very well know, these are most difficult times, and our world is undegoing very rapid and very scary changes. Human nature being what it is… we are constantly pulled between our higher and baser natures and greed and desire unfortunately do not always help us make the best decisions.
But unlike poor Justin, I have been given the necessary tools and resources to make my mark on this world while I am still alive and well. I have been blessed with much luck, good fortune and loving support from those living and those already beyond, and I have every intention of putting those gifts to the best possible use. I am not quite sure yet how all that will materialize, but I do know that my own quest is inspiring others to ask questions and to look into their own motivations. For the moment, while I sit here and regain my strength, that is good enough for me.
I wish you to know that your blog has prompted me to send an email to some 60 people among my network of acquaintances around the world to direct them to you post containing Justin’s letter. I titled my own post on the matter: “Warriors of the White Light, Unite”.
I’ve tried to ignore my real calling as a flower child far too long. The time is now for action, and my real life’s work is now only just begun. Thank you for being a part of that journey and providing me with such wonderful inspiration.
Amitiés fidèles et sincères salutations,
Ilana Shamir
Peace, love & namaste!
For more news, visit:
http://fromsmilerwithlove.blogspot.com
Bonjour monsieur Coelho,
Our local daily (malayalam) carries a write-up about your blog.
thank you for taking your time to inspire….
count it as my own way learning to make good feelings apparent.
ben.