20 SEC READING: Measuring love


‘I’ve always wanted to know if I was capable of loving my wife as much as you love yours,’ said the journalist Keichiro to my publisher Satoshi Gungi over supper one night.
 
‘There is nothing else but love,’ came the reply. ‘It is love that keeps the world turning and the stars in their spheres.’
 
‘I know. But how can I know if my love is big enough?’
 
‘Ask yourself if you give yourself fully or if you flee from your emotions, but do not ask yourself if your love is big enough, because love is neither big nor small, it is simply love.
‘You cannot measure a feeling the way you measure a road.
‘If you do that, you will start comparing your love with what others tell you of theirs or with your own expectations of love.
‘That way, you will always be listening to some story, rather than pushing your emotions to their limits.’
 
 

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Comments

  1. Yasir Mahmood says:

    I think love is the reason of existance of this world; existance of mankind and above all reason for existance of everything beautiful and nice in this world.
    Regards

  2. Karen says:

    love knows no boundaries

  3. A veces pienso ¿Por qué los seres humanos son tan complicados?? Por qué preguntar si un amor es más fuerte que otro?? Por qué no nos basta con sentir y disfrutar de eso que sentimos? Así es como las personas se complican la vida, por no querer sentir, solo cuestionarse.

  4. Didi says:

    I agree – Love is Love – Its a true feeling and u cant do anything about it but love xxx

  5. Pilar says:

    Con amor, ya basta de monedas falsas; ya basta.

  6. barbara says:

    There’s different types of love, as for love for a spouse, the romantic love for me it is just knowing that being with that person completes me and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, by his side. Of course my feelings were mixed at one time, and just like every couple we argue, we have ups and downs but in the end it only makes us stronger, in the end I realize it is him I love, it is him I waited for. Love is love, it overcomes anything and everything.

    I still believe that St.Paul gave us great definition of love.

    From the First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 1-13:

    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

  7. pramila says:

    Here’s a sufi story published in ‘The Speaking Tree'(Times of India/Nov 20, 2011)
    Counterfeit Coin

    Once there lived a devotee called Ismail . His prime concern in life was to remember his spiritual master and be one with his love. For survival of body and to provide for necessities of life, he sold vegetables. With love for his master in his heart and mind, and a basketful of vegetables, every day he visited the market.
    Knowing his simple nature, people used to cheat him. Everyday, some people would give him counterfeit coins for his vegetables. Some would even come the next day to exchange the counterfeit coins they had, saying, “Yesterday, you gave us this coin; please exchange it with a real one.” Ismail would quietly accept the counterfeit coins.
    Time passed thus. His body became old and the end of physical life approached. Ismail sat for his final prayer.”Dear Beloved, throughout my life I have accepted counterfeit and bogus coins from one and all, never once rejecting or refusing them. Oh Beloved! Time has come that this counterfeit coin reaches your divine presence. You too, likewise, do not reject the useless coin. Kindly accept it and give it shelter at your feet.”

    Needless to say, the Lord accepted him with a showering of love.

    1. Geetika says:

      Beautiful story :)

    2. Win says:

      Beautiful. Thank you.

    3. Christen says:

      Wow, that is beautiful. So glad you shared it!

    4. shruti says:

      very beautiful inspiring story,i wish we become as humble as ismail.

    5. Yilmaz says:

      I felt one extraordinary strong heart beat after finishing the story. Thanks for sharing.

    6. barbara says:

      Thank you for sharing, it is a beautiful and touching story:)

  8. Marie-christine Grimard says:

    Lorsque l’amour nous submerge , c’est si fort que cette énergie inonde votre Coeur et rempli vos yeux de lumière . Toutes les portes s’ouvrent devant vous et le monde est trop petit pour contenir votre bonheur. Tout est possible pour celui qui se laisse porter par cet amour.
    Mais lorsque la vie vous l’enlève, le vide abyssal qui en résulte est à la mesure de votre anéantissement. Comment trouver l’énergie de continuer? Dans d’autres yeux ?

  9. dr. shivanjali sandhir says:

    Love is love…all osrts of it:: romantic, parental, frnds…and any it streches beyound space and time…one cant measure the feeling or energy and thats why one cant choose over anyone…can u love your mother more tahn your beloved…no… as everyone has their own importance and place nad value and love…so its not measuarble…same goes for other emotions of happiness…

  10. katie says:

    let’s not fool us ….

    1. all measurements are approximations, even the measuring of the road. they all are all estimates.

    2. love is influenced by many factors including the “spare lugguage” that we have collected through all our life. how well we can deal with that & our unconsciousness will determine the way we can love & how we can give through love.

    & this is the point where one can start with developing an approach to measure love/feelings.

    I think it may be good to think about it. “love” is something that effects how we deal with each other & also how different nations/cultures deal with each other.
    let’s just leave the pink-cloud philosophy of keeping love so mysterious. mankind does not have time for this anymore.
    <3

  11. Pilar says:

    La medida del amor.El amor es sin medida.

  12. Haritina says:

    “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”
    Little Prince – Saint Exupery

  13. I have learned that love is much more than a feeling, it is in our actions towards another person…when you are understanding towards someone, I mean really take the time to fully understand someone (spouse, friend, parent, child..), when you give your time, share your knowledge, are forgiving and compassionate towards them, you are loving them:)

  14. Irina Black says:

    Мысль не созрела,если она
    не уместилась в четырёх строках.
    Любовь не созрела,если она
    не уместилась в одном а х.
    Стихи не сложились,если сейчас
    стану искать рифму и соблюдать размер
    Жизнь не сложилась,если она
    Не уместится в одном да.(Вера Павлова)

  15. manuel says:

    bonjour ou en êtes vous dans vôtre recherche d’agapée fraternellement en Dieu. La paix soit avec vous

  16. Heimo Kruschinski says:

    Thank you for this wonderful story. I do not believe that you can measure love. One must push their emotions to the limit? That I can not judge. But I am convinced that one must go his way, without comparing himself with others. You should listen to a story, maybe even learn from it, but one can never let robbing his free decision. That would be an addiction and no love and no own way.

    I wish you all a wonderful day

  17. Gopal Mishra says:

    There is no device to measure love and there shall never be any such thing. Love is God.
    God is Love

  18. Marie-Christine says:

    L’amour n;a pas besoin de traduction,.

  19. Heart says:

    Why are we so scared of love? So often we stop our-self from loving because of a thousand silly excuses. It isn’t easy to say anything about love, because our words don’t come near expressing what we feel. A long time ago an angle told me; “I love you”. I loved him too intensely, but I was not able to reply in words that I did. Instead I said; “Wait for me”. At that point in my life, I was filled with insecurities and I felt I had such a long way to go before I could engage in an equal love, that I “turned it down”. For years, I was in a bereavement, over this lost love, and wanted to find my angel again. I wanted no one except for him.

    About half a year ago, I met a man who after awhile made me think; “God, you are the love of my life”. We met a couple of times, e-mailed several times and both wanted to meet again. He asked me to have dinner with him. I answered I would love to. We shared much of our inmost thoughts with each other. However, a thousand silly excuses kept us from ever meeting for that dinner. I am married. He was going away for a month. I was scared of rumors in my community, because I’m Scandinavian they have accused me of being easy and have affairs before, and I didn’t want it to happen again. Last week he told me he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and have spent the last few months arranging everything necessary to get treatment. My last words to him is: “There are nobody in the whole world I would rather meet again than you”. I cannot say “I love you” yet, because I do not know him, and do not want to say something I cannot keep. I wouldn’t want to hurt him, by promising too much. Well, he didn’t answer me back on being the most important person in the world. So, I’m concluding he doesn’t feel the same for me, as I feel for him. He “turned it down”. And, I’m deciding do let it go. Often at times, our love is not felt mutually, or there are all these thousand silly excuses stopping us from sharing love.

    No need to stop loving, no need to sit around hammering our-self because it didn’t work out. Just keep wandering and be open to love and to be loved..

  20. eleonora says:

    la misura dell’amore:è amare senza misura.Ognuno di noi conosce l’amore in sé contenuto,riconosce quello degli altri, nei diversi modi in cui si manifesta.Sa per certo l’amore che cerca, ,quello che piu’ somiglia al suo sentire.

  21. Appu says:

    Love with/out thinking that is the question?

  22. Empié says:

    Aunque estemos dolidos, aunque nos refugiemos en el consuelo del excepticismos, aunque parte de ese amor se transforme en odio, no podemos negar lo que sentimos, aunque lo ocultemos, aunque lo tratemos de sofocar y lo negemos, el amor se siente no se piensa, y un día, algo hace que lo que estaba latente empiece arebosar, entonces, al poco tiempo, nada lo puede contener, lo inunda todo, a nosotros solo nos queda ahogarnos en el mar del amor, “…where every one, would love to drown… ”

    Da igual que lo niegues, que lo reuyas, cuando llega lo abarca felizmente todo…

    Un saludo, a pesar de todo tengo fe y espero, algo tendrá que ver el amor, sin embargo no se puede empujar a un río, todos lo sabemos, aunque cuando llega el momento, nada lo puede parar. Wu wei, no hacer para hacer…

  23. nice says:

    I like what I read and agree to all of it..:)

  24. Shine says:

    Thats a sound piece of advice! Love Avantika

  25. Gopal says:

    “How much do you love me” I asked. He stretched out his hands and died.

  26. Reading this is a magic moment!

    ‘There is nothing else but love’

    Night before last, granddaughter called to say
    ‘I love you too’.

    Thankyou Paulo, Christina
    Suphi, Ken, Friends
    Love to All, Many hugs and kisses,
    Jane xoxo

  27. Dragomir Cioroslan says:

    Paolo, we met briefly in Copenhagen on the occasion of Rio 2016 Olympic Games Victorious candidature.
    That was agreat moment for you, for Rio and your Country. Congratulations!
    You are so popular and people like you because you bring them an extrordianry message of hope:

    IT IS NEVER TO LATE TO BECOME WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE

    Thank you.

  28. CG says:

    ‘You cannot measure a feeling the way you measure a road.
    Love is neither big nor small, it is simply love.’

    A great message put in simple words.
    I’ll keep it in my heart to remember it, whenever I’m in doubt about my love.
    Thank you, Paulo.

  29. CG says:

    german translation

    Vom Messen der Liebe

    “Ich wollte schon immer wissen, ob ich fähig bin meine Frau so sehr zu lieben wie Sie die Ihre”, sagte der Journalist Keichiro eines Nachts beim Abendessen zu meinem Verleger Satoshi Gungi.

    “Es gibt nichts anderes als die Liebe,” kam die Antwort. “Es ist die Liebe, die die Welt sich drehen lässt und die Sterne in ihren Sphären hält.”

    »Ich weiß. Aber wie kann ich wissen, ob meine Liebe groß genug ist? ”

    “Fragen Sie sich, ob Sie sich selbst völlig hingeben oder ob Sie vor Ihren Emotionen fliehen, aber fragen Sie sich nicht, ob Ihre Liebe groß genug ist, denn die Liebe ist weder groß noch klein, es ist einfach Liebe.
    “Man kann ein Gefühl nicht messen, wie man eine Straße misst.
    “Wenn Sie das tun, werden Sie anfangen Ihre Liebe mit dem zu vergleichen, was andere Ihnen von ihrer eigenen erzählen oder mit Ihren eigenen Erwartungen von der Liebe.
    “Auf diese Weise werden Sie immer irgendeiner Geschichte lauschen, anstatt Ihre eigenen Gefühle an ihre Grenzen zu treiben.

  30. Mariana Loureiro Mahé says:

    Engraçado você comentar isso. Constantemente eu penso sobre isso quando falo: “te amo muito…” Te amo e pronto…rs… Amar já é o suficiente. Já é “grande o bastante”. Mas é estranho. Por muito tempo senti falata de liberdade de abraçar os outros, amigos. As pessoas não se tocam. E só percebo o quanto isso me tolhia. Eu acho que eu sou aberta pras pessoas. No teatro (que finalmente, depois de anos querendo, consegui frequentar aulas) percebi que as pessoas se sentem a vontade comigo. E um colega me disse algo que me deixou feliz: Mariana, você se entrega… É verdade, eu me entrego à tudo (de bom). Sabe, eu não acho que demostrar o que eu sinto me enfraquece de forma nenhuma. E acho tão estranho por que ao mesmo tempo em que sou extremamente confiante em mim, não o sou. Ou melhor, eu me amo profundamente e acho que sou um excelente ser humano. Tenho defeitos mas me entendo (sem ser permissiva)…rs… No entanto ainda não consegui descobrir algo no qual eu seja realmente boa…sabe? Talento nato… talvez não tenha… que triste… Será que todo mundo tem algum talento? Eu sei que consigo contagiar as pessoas com minha alegraia e entusisamos quando estou trabalhanod em grupo e tal… no entando não descobri ainda nada em que posso utlizar isso…se éque esse é meu dom. Mas não é possivel que eu não tenha nenhum talento. Eu queria ser excelente em alguma coisa… queria mesmo. Acho que sou inteligente e tenho um bom entendimento das coisa…mas no fundo me sinto um pouco disperdiçada… tenho que pensar mais a respeito. Quero ler seu livro a Bruxa d eportobelo. Apesar de ter estudado em colégio católicos e ter uma mãe super beata eu nunca gostei da foma como as mulheres são tratadas nessa religião. Eu gosto de ser mulher e não vejo motivo nenhum pra me sentir mal ou carregar todas as culpas do mundo por isso. Não entendo como mulheres podem ser católicas: Eva é a pecadora, Marioa Madalena eidem… Maria é a única que se slava… Eu sei que não é bem assim. Mas é quase isso. Dêm Graças a Deus pois algumas mulheres foram salvas…rs… Bem, te deixo em paz. Acho que seu blog foi meu diario hoje. Um abraço, Mariana

  31. Rema says:

    Love is the Sparkling light in the eyes…The light only those in love can see …

  32. Yajna says:

    Friends, Just to add on to what Aditya said..

    Someone once told me, that its in each other we see ourselves, and it is ourselves that we begin to love. He was right in many many ways.

    Lots of love
    Yajna

  33. Chrissa says:

    Dear Paulo,
    THERE IS NOTHING ELSE BUT LOVE.Since I was a child,I have felt this and this was,is and will be my road.LOVE is cannot be measured.Yes ,it is true because LOVE is given to others without any expectation,any restriction or any award.For me,LOVE cannot be expressed by words,only by actions.LOVE is given,only is given…
    LOVE is obvious in the eyes even between strangers.
    Lately,I have felt so much -REALLY SO MUCH- love from people that I knew THANKS TO YOU.
    I do not want to give names but I would like just to thank them for this and you for them.
    I pray every day for you and for them.I pray the LOVE you and they shared return to you all in the same special way you offered it to me.
    For me,LOVE conquers all and it makes LIFE worth living.
    Thank you ,dear Paulo,for this post.
    MUCH RESPECT,

    Chrissa

  34. mariposa says:

    El amor solo es una trampa. un mecanismo para continuar la procreasion de los seres humanos.
    una ilusion eso es y nada mas. que ilusos los que todavia creen en el. masoquistas.

  35. Annette says:

    I think the love is then big enough, (whereby big and small there is not, as you already determined.) if you in it at home feel can. Also at home feel if you an opinion with your Partner/in are not. But I think this at home, am also the process – growth – the development, which in the love adjusts itself. If no process takes place, it is also soon with the love past. No humans can in the long run be only beautiful and are ” always everything; Peace, joy, pancake”. That gives it only in these nice romantic films, where everything guaranties itself finds. But it is what you call the big love? I think, no. I experienced it, the big love. It is that, where we make mega big development steps or open simply only our heart. Primarily us, the partner and also the world. The world was grey before and afterwards is multicolored and bright and during it is indescribably.
    And the big love is not a guarantor for the eternity, sometimes lasts it only a few years and sometimes live-long. Then the next big /small love comes and again we will learn our heart still more to open.

  36. Anlao says:

    There is no such thing as more or less love. There is only love. One thing I was able to tell, was when love became conscious: the moment when confusion became certainty. A single moment that chained and freed my heart completely. The rest that follows is destiny, either the one we accept or the one we build.

  37. Egoz says:

    yayyy, i want to love!

  38. Ali says:

    Inspiring dear Paulo, inspiring–as always!
    Love you:)

  39. Reez says:

    As a young adult, loving is always the most beautiful thing though it entails a lot of broken dreams and hopes.

    Bleast to you people who found what is beautiful, learning from it and manage to keep it wonderfully shining! :)

  40. raj says:

    Love is the emperor of all virtues.Lets fill the days with love so we all become a master. Love gives us the wings to fly and love is the most healing force in the world. Nothing goes deeper than love. Love just like life can’t be measured..

    love to all

  41. aditya says:

    Love is God said christ, not because God is love, but for us who don’t have much clue about God, closet that comes to IT is love. Like God love too is immesurable; from a scientific point of view worse is that like God, love too is undefinable; from a personal point of view undefinable, yes, but expereincable very much; both love and thru love God.

    when we are in love – we focus too much on the ‘object’ of love; sometime we should spend exploring our own self, enjoying being in love, then it grows. ‘object’ will go away, someday, but HER gift of love will live on. One who cannot love her/himself has not yet ‘understood’ love.

    1. rajshree says:

      aditya, you really have great thoughts! when i read it, i almost felt its vat i would write when asked of love…

  42. Cristina says:

    Love is a raibow, you cannot find the start line or the end.

  43. Yajna says:

    Dearest Paulo

    You can never measure love, nor should you compare it in any manner. Love is love- nothing more or nothing less, simply said, and as much as we may love in different ways, and we feel love in different ways, it still is love. That’s one of the reasons why i don’t like the term, “true love.” All love is true, for if it were false, it would not be love. However i do not deny the feeling to exist- the feeling that you’ve found a soulmate, and that somewhere inside of you, you feel completed, even if you did not realise there was a space to be filled. i know there are times we experience a love so intense and breath taking, we see it above the rest- this does not mean the other forms of love we have experienced are less in any way. It just means that they are different, and great in their own ways.

    Thank you for being
    Yajna

    1. nice says:

      Thanks for ur thoughts! great thoughts about love and the way u see it on your own ways…

  44. Will Adames says:

    No conosco mucho del amor pero si me identifico con lo que dice Rosa de los Vientos.

    But about meassuring love, it just cant be meassured. Trying to meassure would just rise questions as big as how was God created and such, Love just happens, when and why I’ll probably never know. All i know is love is beautiful.

  45. R88 says:

    Forgive me, I would like to add a comment re: allowing love to come forward in the first place requires trust and communication either verbal or non-verbal. Trust, more than love, is what many seem to struggle with, in order to avoid pain. With a functioning communication we breed trust and thus give room for love. I imagine we can handle a lot more than we think if we are communicated with in a respectful way on a foundation of trust, even if the message is that the love is now transformed into friendship or a need for solitude. Being generous through honest and open communication and by inspiring trust as in encouraging and giving time to dialogue rather than presenting a monologue and mere announcing of a decision, I feel is a fuller definition of love in a close relationship. Not giving up the respect for one another because we feel we ‘know’ each other, when in fact we are maybe just ‘used to’ being around each other. So, trust. Can maybe affect the love we allow to flow fro and to us. Loving without expecting anything in return requires a different level of awareness, one that takes nothing personally, even in a state of intimacy.

  46. Mariana Loureiro Mahé says:

    Engraçado você comentar isso. Constantemente eu penso sobre isso quando falo: “te amo muito…” Te amo e pronto…rs… Amar já é o suficiente. Já é “grande o bastante”. Mas é estranho. Por muito tempo senti falata de liberdade de abraçar os outros, amigos. As pessoas não se tocam. E só percebo o quanto isso me tolhia. Eu acho que eu sou aberta pras pessoas. No teatro (que finalmente, depois de anos querendo, consegui frequentar aulas) percebi que as pessoas se sentem a vontade comigo. E um colega me disse algo que me deixou feliz: Mariana, você se entrega… É verdade, eu me entrego à tudo (de bom). Sabe, eu não acho que demostrar o que eu sinto me enfraquece de forma nenhuma. E acho tão estranho por que ao mesmo tempo em que sou extremamente confiante em mim, não o sou. Ou melhor, eu me amo profundamente e acho que sou um excelente ser humano. Tenho defeitos mas me entendo (sem ser permissiva)…rs… No entanto ainda não consegui descobrir algo no qual eu seja realmente boa…sabe? Talento nato… talvez não tenha… que triste… Será que todo mundo tem algum talento? Eu sei que consigo contagiar as pessoas com minha alegraia e entusisamos quando estou trabalhanod em grupo e tal… no entando não descobri ainda nada em que posso utlizar isso…se éque esse é meu dom. Mas não é possivel que eu não tenha nenhum talento. Eu queria ser excelente em alguma coisa… queria mesmo. Acho que sou inteligente e tenho um bom entendimento das coisa…mas no fundo me sinto um pouco disperdiçada… tenho que pensar mais a respeito. Quero ler seu livro a Bruxa d eportobelo. Apesar de ter estudado em colégio católicos e ter uma mãe super beata eu nunca gostei da foma como as mulheres são tratadas nessa religião. Eu gosto de ser mulher e não vejo motivo nenhum pra me sentir mal ou carregar todas as culpas do mundo por isso. Não entendo como mulheres podem ser católicas: Eva é a pecadora, Marioa Madalena eidem… Maria é a única que se slava… Eu sei que não é bem assim. Mas é quase isso. Dêm Graças a Deus pois algumas mulheres foram salvas…rs… Bem, te deixo em paz. Acho que seu blog foi meu diario hoje. Um abraço, Mariana

  47. R88 says:

    In my experience, love is an attitude. Within marriage, it can mean or translate as the freedom to still be your own individual in progress, enriched by the union, not decimated or restricted by image or expectations infringing on the right to hold autonomous views. Love has no single formula as sold by the media. Love sets free, strengthens, supports, listens, caresses, comforts, enjoys, has sympathy, yet accepts nothing but your well-being and fulfillment. The new model of marriage these days is called the spiritual marriage – it is the new in-thing to have – where both partners share an interest in the spiritual aspect of themselves. Perhaps it is easier to ‘love’ someone on the same ‘page’ than it is for a bohemian to love a broker from Wall Street? But we are not what we do, we are more than that, and that is where the allowing (freedom) can cloud our preconceived views of who we can ‘love’. Like, who will we accept for the job to be loved by us? Are we not funny?

  48. R88 says:

    “Measuring love”

    Total acceptance and living in the now is what has kept my marriage loving for nearly 20 years. No image, prestige, expectations, but allowing the other and oneself to be who we are on a daily basis. No chains, no ‘musts’, no attempts at mindreading. Re-discovering each other every single day. :)

  49. Solo sabiendo que serías capaz de hacer por el amor sabras que hará el amor por ti.

  50. Cuando estés separado de tu amor sabras cuanto lo amas, cuando pasa el tiempo y no te olvidas sabras cuanto lo amas, cuando veas que a pesar de la separación estás en conexión con tu amor sabras que no habrá nada que haga que ese amor se termine, mas bien irá a mas. El amor si hay que medirlo, su medida sería: la intensidad, su profundidad: mas allá del corazón.
    Un beso Paulo buena pregunta.