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I was feeling very lonely when I left Mass in Saint Patrick’s Cathedral right in the heart of New York.
Suddenly I was approached by a Brazilian:
“I very much need to talk to you,” he said.
I was so enthused by this meeting that I began to talk about everything that was important to me. I spoke of magic, God’s blessings, love. He listened to everything in silence, thanked me and went away.
Instead of feeling happy, I felt lonelier than before. Later on I realized that in my enthusiasm I had not paid any attention to what that Brazilian wanted.
Talk to me.
I tossed my words to the wind, because that was not what the Universe was wanting at that moment: I would have been much more useful if I had listened to what he had to say.
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Perhaps the person knew somebody was lonely and somebody needed to talk to someone. So he came up and said ” i need to talk to you “..it was for you and not him …so…
Hi Paulo,
I also faced the same situation many times…:(….but now I’m learning how to listen..:)
sometimes we dont realise what is missing in life if we dont compare our situation with something else …. we brood over and over thinking our life is so lonely and full of misery when something happens and we realise that the situation is now even worse and we were actually living in a better condition… so cherish each moment… i know its better said than done … but even trying to do so matters a lot ….. and about being lonely or lost, just always feel that we have come alone here and we will go out alone , not even we can take this body with us!!! so we all are eternally lonely (in this world’s context) but if we learn to rise above the situation, we see that all human are connected with the same knot of life and this world is jst a small station in our long jorney to eternity,… then we realise that we are not lonely ….. we have every body to share everything with us …… life never ends….. it is always ready with open hands to welcome us ,, no matter how many mistakes we have done , life always give a second chance, it is upto us how deep we can see through!!!!!!!
Dear Paulo,
Thanks for the stories. What I feel now is “lonely”. Being lonely with the complicated feelings, in this big big universe, really is not a good one.
If I could trust my ears to hear them,
If I could trust them to help me through my day,
If I could skip the day to day with only hearing,
I would love to hear
When feels lonely, what I can do is check your blog
Every sentences you wrote, inspires me a lot
Thank you for all the thoughts
Thank you for your blogs update
I will always read and follow your update
Thank you Sir,
Warm regards – Lia
From Jakarta (Indonesia)
sometimes the listening is the hardest part of the job because so many of us put ourselves first when it comes to being heard …………… Sadly i’ve done this too …………….. but i will only listen harder the next time another reaches out to me because a persons feelings are so precious if they choose me to share them with ……………..
Let the loneliness go to the wind. Now you know and will do better next time. :)
Dear Paulo,
Thanks for the stories. What I feel now is “lonely”. Being lonely with the complicated feelings, in this big big universe, really is not a good one.
If I could trust my ears to hear them,
If I could trust them to help me through my day,
If I could skip the day to day with only hearing,
I would love to hear
When feels lonely, what I can do is check your blog
Every sentences you wrote, inspires me, a lot
Thank you for all the thoughts
Thank you for your blogs update
I will always read and follow your update
Thank you Sir,
Warm regards – Lia
from Jakarta (Indonesia)
Everything that happen has a purpose… it was just another lesson…..
the courage to be aware and to reflect…… BRAVO Paulo!
I would be very happy to have the honor of listening your taught and everything that is important to you.
Yo estuviese feliz de tener el honor de escucharle sus pensamientos y las cosas que son importantes para ti Pablo.
Greetings from Ireland
It must be in the air…
sometime we listen but dont hear “i need to talk to you”
but maybe your needs were greater at that moment
and heh live and learn… c est ca la vie
May be it was a reminder that you are not alone.
Perhaps this man all he needed to hear was the love of God. We are His instruments as well …. Thanks Paulo!
Hi! We have the same name. My middle name is Maria.
We are all humans :-)…..sometimes we open up our eyes and see and hear and feel very clear the reality of life in our harts and in our life and how we react and … sometimes it hurts and that opens up our harts… That is ok.. smile..
Dear Paolo,
I am from Malta, a small island in the Mediterranean sea. I read all your books, they are so an inspiration, you keep on thinking about what you read. I am finding it very difficult to purchase the book moments 2012, in Malta it does not come. And from on-site purchases mainly from UK they are all sold out.
I send you may best regards for a happy Christmas and a prosperous new year to come.
Marvic
The same as receiving is wonderful but giving is a true virtue, so it is with speaking and listening.
When you listen you give. Everybody can speak, but the true master knows how to listen.
With Love.
Well, at least now you know that you venting or talking to someone is not what you may be missing. A good friend told me: “The worst kind of loneliness is that in which you are surrounded by lots of people and still feel alone.” I’ve felt like this for longs periods of time and too often a time. The comfort to this type of loneliness I have found on the least expected people and/or environments. The ones that I usually wouldn’t consider since I am not attracted to them because we continuously look for what we find familiar or the ones that have been long forgotten somewhere in my past since we got too busy to keep up with each other. They appear randomly at times just like this gentleman at the Cathedral or a long forgotten friendship from the past may show up just to say hi. Sometimes they serve they’re purpose just for that moment shared, sometimes they’ll stay a little longer. They may direct you towards the answer but the answer really is within yourself. The real challenge is to endure that time of silence where nothing makes sense and to just be with yourself. Until little by little you become whole again… Because this whole time you have been really looking for lost parts of youself.
I used to listen very good. then I became some friends’ crying shoulder but never got anything in return when I needed help. they treated me like I had to be on my own and even one of them discouraged me to continue in my path reasoning that since she is a neurologist and she spent three months in a mental hospital, so she thought that I had a narcissism problem and I would not succeed. (FYI, I did more than great!) then I realized that there should be a limit to give. I can not judge. I might have done the same.
I also have begun believing there is a limit too give, becuase sometimes you give incessantly and you feel so drained.
The problem is that the process is not directly reciprocal. We cannot always expect help from the person that we helped in the past. In fact, when we help we should be doing it because it feels good and we should not expect anything in return. This is not only because of some higher considerations but simply because this is a realistic scenario.
You mentioned that you had provided emotional help: “I became some friends’ crying shoulder”. This is probably the most difficult kind of help to provide and it has many paradoxical sides. The person you helped, once recovered, may later experience different feelings about the period when they were weak. Weakness is not something that is accepted by our society (society accepts many completely stupid things and even considers them a norm but often does not accept most natural things) and the person may feel like their period of weakness was something to be ashamed of. The negative feelings can be strong and they can be directed at those who witnessed that period, including those who were providing help. This should not be like this, any adult person should try and stay rational, but, unfortunately, it happens very, very often.
With this in mind, we have to be careful when providing help: making sure that the help is really necessary and it will be accepted, avoiding of privacy invasions, minimizing awkward moments, etc. Even that proverbial, perfectly natural, “crying on the shoulder” moment should probably be avoided by all means or replaced by a conversation on the phone. This all to minimize the risks of the person you are helping later regretting about the “weakness” they were displaying. You could also do more in the “post-help therapy” period, etc. But going into all this sophistication costs time, precious time, it takes preparation and experience, and you should not feel guilty if you did not take all these measures and precautions when you simple wanted to help in a spontaneous manner. That’s already a big deed to be proud of but never consider it as a debt that will be paid back at some point. Instead, expect that when you need help it will arrive from an unexpected source.
Of course, cases of “symmetrical” friendship, with reciprocal help, exist, and it is worth working towards them because it is a great joy to have true friends. We just have to realize that this is really rare, takes a miracle or two and a lot of work. So, don’t mix these two totally different categories. Keep on helping people without any expectation of them “repaying the debt” and keep on looking out for the signs of true friends. I said the categories are totally different. Probably that’s not quite correct. As you help more and more people you increase the probability of meeting true friends. Wishing you good luck with this.
Victor
The simple story keeps chasing me and I see more and more facets in it. What is it about? Loneliness, selfishness, communication problems? Or is it about the mysterious Brazilian’s untold story? The story about the untold story that in its turn becomes almost an infinite chain of stories as all readers see it from different angles.
Or is it a metaphor for the Writer and his Readers? Every time a reader opens the book there is an instant dialogue. Of course, the Writer is doing all the talking but he has to find the right balance between self-expression and the Readers’ expectations.
that’s the beauty & challenge of paulo’s blog & books:
everybody is right.
these stories are holograms. you can walk around them again & again, as you walk around a museum. and one will find again & again new aspects.
it is these aspects that I then can look into more deeply. & it this looking into more deeply that becomes so personal & has helped me to grow. & to move on (but too slowly :o))
I hope you not feel lonely now …. you have everything you want I suppose …. and dont forget your wonderful women Christina :-) Wish you a wonderful evening …not alone !!! Love and light Jessica
Querido Paulo,
De repente voce falou o que ele queria ouvir, quem sabe?
Até mais ………
german translation
Ich fühlte mich sehr einsam
Ich fühlte mich sehr einsam, als ich die Messe in der Saint Patrick-Kathedrale im Herzen von New York verließ.
Plötzlich näherte sich mir ein Brasilianer:
“Ich muss dringend mit Ihnen sprechen”, sagte er.
Ich war so begeistert von diesem Treffen, dass ich begann über alles, was mir wichtig war zu reden. Ich sprach von Magie, Gottes Segen, Liebe. Er hörte sich alles still an, dankte mir und ging weg.
Anstatt mich glücklich zu fühlen, fühlte ich mich einsamer als vorher. Später erkannte ich, dass ich in meiner Begeisterung dem, was jener Brasilianer wollte, keine Aufmerksamkeit geschenkt hatte.
Sprich mit mir.
Ich sprach meine Worte in den Wind, denn das war nicht das, was das Universum in diesem Moment wollte: Ich wäre viel nützlicher gewesen, wenn ich dem zugehört hätte, was er zu sagen hatte.
Paulo maybe what you said was actually what he needed to hear – sometimes we are the flute through which universe plays its music. Many blessings to you.
Thanks for the reminder to be listening, not only to others, but to what God may be wanting us to do on his behalf by lending that listening ear.
What does it mean to be with God in mind and spirit? Does it mean to feel happy all the time? I don´t think so. I think all the feelings in the world are present now, those we call positive and those we call negative. At times we are aware of one, then of another. All feelings can be helpful, in order to recognize how to live in tune with the universe, in order to come back to our senses and learn our true needs.
Maybe “The Brazilian” was an Angel ! To Help You …
Had lots of same situations, making me feel sorry . Most of my people are telling me off because of that habit. I startet to think it over many times and wanted to change it and try to become more listener. But, if you accept yourself like you are and start loving you, you also have to love this side of you. Conclusion: There is a matter of existens for both sides in every moment.
Noone will ever know why it had to be this way. So dont worry, be happy !!!
no crea que solo ud ha sentido esa soledad, muchas veces, el ser humano puede estar rodeado de personas y es cuando mas solo se siente.Cuando yo me siento ,me gusta conversar con dios, y preguntarme ,que es lo que me falta para ser feliz ,y nunca encuentro una respuesta.Trato de pensar en cosas bonitas y sus libros me hacen olvidar esa soledad que muchas veces no tiene explicacion !!!!
The situation is so similar to everyone,we all must have passed through this little did we know that sometimes just listening helps a lot.thanx paulo learnt a lot.
i know what you mean. sometimes we feel lonely and we want to talk to someone else, but it’s just the need to feel the other person closer and that we are not alone. but the real loneliness is when we are not needed, not when we are alone. because even if we are just alone now, someone would need us and we will feel surrounded again, but feeling not needed, it’s the real cause of loneliness . this is why you felt lonely, you were alone, he went up to you for help, but your instinct made you talk, while your mind knew you need to listen. when he left, the rush from feeling someone was gone and you were back to the loneliness state, and because the rush faded away so fast, you felt even lonelier than before, because you went down so fast it was even more crushing of a feeling
we don’t realize it, but actually listening, feeling that we are needed in this world, that even our silence makes a difference for someone, this is the true therapy for loneliness, this is my therapy at least :)
Do you read the Dali Lama’s daily comments? Today’s comment addresses perfectly what you may be feeling. The only time I feel lonely is when I am not with God in mind and spirit. God is always with me. You are Loved and never alone.
Carol
agree, trusting in the divine above us, and knowing, that we are guided by God and his crew in every moment , how can we ever feel lonely? We mast love what we do, even if our EGO cant anderstand it, could be some higher reason for it.
Thanks for sharing Paulo.No one else would have shared an incident like this.That’s why you are what you are & that’s why we love you so much.
Contrary to what many people has wrote down, about feeling lonely not being normal…….I think differently,feeling lonely has to be a part of our lives, like sometimes feeling depress or sad, we are human been, what is not normal, is that all of this situations stay with us, that is when we have to ask the universe to show us how beautiful we are, how strong we have become and how far we can go.
I like your every Book.
El silencio aveces;es la palabra de la sabiduría.Sin duda alguna,muchas personas la ignoran con sus oídos.pero el corazón sí la escucha.
Finding purpose – hardest challenge in life.
If we don´t leave the other to express, we are actually talking to ourselves, and if the other part is not giving anything back or does not show understanding of our feelings or needs, we feel more lonely that if we were in the solitude of our room.
We need to listen, to exchange ideas with people who has interesting things to say. We also need to be respected and understood.
So very true, well said.
I understand…. I recently had that happen to me this week too… what a lesson, ey? but that is how we learn… and love continues to blossom in every lesson…
Im trying to change my life to the better and your books has been a huge inspiration for me..I read by the river piedra many times already..I love the warrior of the light aswell..bless you !!
dont change your life, change only your conseousnes and your way of thinking….. it will give you another few of everithing in your present life.
feeling lonely is not a good sign, knowing that when we speak to someone, we make an effort mainly to convaince him or to teach him something.So, i think without getting his feedback, without having the opportunity to listen to him , normally we should feel good. I think that feeling lonely in that situation has something to do with the fact that you did not listen to the person you were talking with, but i beleive that it is also related to what you said to him, may be you forgot to tell him something or you did not take enough time to explain something. So in such situations one should do anything to forget this feeling, because it can had bad effects on our psychic side.
From Faty with Love :)
Ma couscous’ on its way! :)
As always you are such an inspiration. I feel blessed to have picked up the Alchemist several years ago and every single book of yours thereafter. May God bless you always and show you his mercy and give you his peace!
Oi Paulo,
Obrigado por responder meu twitter ontem, tao rapidamente.
Fiquei muito feliz com a surpresa. Pois sua mensagem chegou em hora super oportuna. Se soubesse que voce queria conversar, teria escrito mais! E eu estava a “dois” passos da tua casa, olhando para o Saleve.
Tenha um dia abencoado!
Abracos,
Sandro
Dear Paulo,
I empathized that man you talked to. Perhaps you told him what he needed to hear, so there’s nothing to regret. He could stop your chatting or ask you for anything he wished.
However, I often feel like that man who listened to you. I believe to be a good listener, but I sometimes need to talk and share my fear, my pain, my worries with a trusted companion. If none listens to me nor helps me when I’m in need, my forced silence will make me deaf too.
Greetings!
The important thing is that the mistake was recognized.
… Grant that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand…
People always seem to open up to me and tell me the most personal details of their life, even strangers that I have only just met for 15 seconds and will in all likelihood never meet again.
I listen and observe particularly their eyes … sometimes I feel like an old priest who is hearing an impromptu confession, but instead of suggesting three Hail Mary’s, I can only offer them my compassion, smile, silence and a few minutes of my life to hear their story, it seems very little.
Thank you for your stories Paulo.
Agape ♥
I believe that nothing happens by coincidence, maybe this happened because you needed to realize that sometimes we need to listen more and speak less.. or maybe it was sent for this person to cherish the words you spoke to him.. why this was allowed to happen is not for us to wonder..but for us to accept that IT happened and what you learned from it at this time.. everytime I read something from you I learn more and more.. at times we have to learn that we are not in control of situations..just allow them to happen and learn from them.. I wish you a wonderful day Mr. Coelho and thank you for sharing this.
totaly agree, with you.
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“The difference between the Sundance & Raindance is minimal, so be sure to dance right. The same is true for happiness and unhappiness.”
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Listening is a lost art. When applied actively to any conversation, (hear the words, repeat the ideas, and sympathize with the speaker) the listener creates a bridge of communication across which the speaker walks. Ultimately two minds meet, and it is usually on the listeners side of the bridge.
wow! ^_^. That’s superb!
This is a very nice thought and one that we can all try out in the NeXT days…
may be it was maktoob and it was predestined to happn so then if i were you i wouldent get upset.
be lucky
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