30 SEC READING: why do we shout in anger?

A master asked his disciples:
‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

the disciples thought for a while, and one of them said
‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’
‘But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you? ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’
The disciples gave him some other answers but none satisfied the master.

Finally he explained:
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the master asked:
‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’

And he concluded:
‘When they love each other even more, what happens?
‘They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.

‘Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

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  1. marisa_evans says:

    I read your stories and retell them to my child every night. I even printed some of your stories and file them because “I want to tell these stories to my children,” she said. So, thank you.

  2. jigisha says:

    i think people who dont talk at all when they are angry are either the one who still believe that their hearts are so close that they don’t need to speak. or else they have lost hope and think that the distance is so much that their voices won’t be heard…am i right mr.paulo?

    you are a teacher to me…you’ve given me the courage through your books to do what i’m meant for….thanks a olt mr.paulo!! i love you!!

  3. Carlos says:

    Paulo I just finished reading all of your books about a month ago. Now that I’ve changed authors…I kind of miss your way of writing. Saludos desde Chile :)

  4. Sabu Oommen says:

    I just happened to see this article thorugh a google search, Wonderful it is !!!
    I will be starting to read your books one by one.. WIll get in tough with you ..

  5. […] is a great story by Paulo Coelho. I read it as soon as it was published in early January this year. Ever since then, whenever I get […]

  6. David says:

    Dear Paul
    Lemme sum up:
    More Love less distance
    Less Love more distance
    More Love less words
    Less Love more words

  7. Free Verse Me says:

    The story made perfect sense. One can easily relate to it. For my opinion, whenever we are angry at a person, we must learn to shorten the distance so that we’d be able to lessen the times that we would shout. In the same way, when we love, we also must distance ourselves often so that we would know how much that special person loves us by letting it be heard and known. :))

  8. Shazina says:

    Paolo, I want to spread the message to excuse everyone and not to quarrel. Love all and try to sow the seeds of kindness.

  9. kristine says:

    I’ll bear that in mind specially at times that i get impatient with my students…It’s a good analogy…

  10. Paladaen says:

    This is so true… Didn’t really think about it, until now.
    Beautiful and wise words.

  11. kamy says:

    I think it’s human to shout. True wisdom lies in the ability to control what one says in the middle of anger.

    1. dnyaneshwar says:

      I agree with Kamy…this is just a logical answere but I do not hold it true.

  12. shoba says:

    Paulo, I’m gonna pirate this story :) I used to think why in my town in India people used to shout angrily without any shame even if they quarrel in public but ashamed to show any love outwardly in public, holding hands or hugging considered like a taboo, I wanted to write about that in my blog and now I also want to post this story, someday even if my children will read it will make enough message for them, even otherwise it is lovely message now and then to remember for myself!

  13. ams says:

    The story makes a lot of sense…but I wonder then why there are people who are angry doesn’t talk at all?

    1. isaack raphael says:

      nicely said Paulo. So true : )
      But, like Ams asked, why there are people
      who are angry and doesn’t talk at all…?? to eachother

    2. Dheeraj says:

      That was a good question asked.Please explain Paul,waiting for your reply.

    3. Loulabelle says:

      Maybe it’s because their hearts are so far apart that they know it is pointless to shout as they wouldn’t be heard… Or maybe they have given up shouting…

    4. Akash says:

      I am also the kind that when I get angry I wont speak to anyone. I believe that a man loses his control on his senses when he is in extreme anger or rage he may say something that may hurt someone’s feeling. Its better to be quiet at the impulsive anger and calm yourself down to make the person understand by polite gesture. Being quite also you have made your point that you are angry and the person on the other side will understand that. “BUT” explain your point in the end otherwise you will end up being frustrated. I strongly believe it :)

  14. Gul691 says:

    Please Mr Coehlo I need an answer to a question!! Did you not write a book about an archer/bowman who wanted to challenge the world record and wanted to compete with the best bowman and beat him? I read only some pages somewhere on the net and Iv been trying to find the book for ages now. Please tell me if you have written such a book and whats the name?

  15. mary frank says:

    I so deeply resonate with everything of yours I read. And now the broadcasts! Bravo!

    Have you written a book about your experience with The Divine Feminine?
    I’m going to be teaching a class — a Kundalini yoga class — focusing on the question: What is the Feminine Face of God? — I have lots of research materials — but I’d love to hear your experience.
    Thank you so much, MaryFrank

  16. elenni says:

    Its a good idea, Love makes people one person. Keep writing Please.

  17. Aishah says:

    Hi, Paulo.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Here is the Chinese version.

  18. elenni says:

    I want to see your posts.

  19. Mimi says:

    Dear Paulo ,

    Yes,indeed .That’s why people are becoming more and more distant from each other .Not only because they live far away from each other ,but even within the one family ,people get farer and farer because of anger and frustration .It is not only the shouting that expresses how much angry we are , hatred and frustration keeps the distance wider and wider….
    Thank you for your visions….

  20. carlos tabora says:

    que bella reflexion, creo q nos conduce a conocernos para poder ser capaz de controlar nuestras reacciones, no significa que no tendremos enojos o motivos para enojarnos, significa que podremos enfrentar esas situaciones con mas nobleza y conciencia de sus perspectivas y magnitud de la situacion. despues de todo tambien concierne al amor aprender a lidiar con los problemas de manera q construyan, no que alejen y destruyan.

  21. Dave C says:

    My first thoughts were that if there is anger, it is because we are not feeling heard, and the shouting is a consequence of that frustration. That it may represent a feeling that one is not worthy of being listened to, and that self value needs validation by noise. Not unlike a baby I suppose, or a de mufflered vehicle.

  22. Jane Izar says:

    Sim, é a mais perfeita resposta, precisamos gritar para alguém que está se distanciando de nós. Mas ai eu gostaria muito de perguntar e quando a raiva se vai, e fica um nada, nem amor, nem ódio, nada…o que fazemos com isso?

  23. Josephine A. says:

    This is very heartwarming. Thank you, Paulo.

  24. TJ says:

    Querido Paulo,
    Me encantó la respuesta!!!!!
    Gracias por estas pequeñas lecturas con grandes enseñanzas=)

  25. enzo stulin says:

    Hola Paulo, que gusto encontrar tu blog. Quiero antes que todo agradecer tu libro “Come il fiume che scorre” (titulo en italiano). Tambien “El alquimista” me ha fascinado.

    Gritamos …. porquè necesitamos ayuda! Cada enojo es una peticion de ayuda.
    Mas fuerte gritas… mas ayuda necesitas.

    Lo mismo vale para toda reaccion violenta: es una peticion de ayuda.

    Gritamos porquè necesitamos ayuda. Y queremos asegurarnos de que nos oigan bien.

    Gritamos… porquè hay un problema de comunicacion…. como un visivo que no logra explicarse (o ser comprendido) por un auditivo….

    felicidad para todos

  26. Andrea says:

    Es verdad, cuando nos enojamos tomas la peor opcion , gritar.
    No sabemos cuando doloroso es para el otro gritar, gritar hace que el otro grite y terminan muchas veces enojados, perdiendo momentos felices de la vida..

  27. Maria -Chris says:

    Very true…when we are angry on the other one near us ..our heart runs away at the same time…

  28. Joël says:

    It is a normal reaction,nobody is perfect.
    Last time i was very angry to someone,who was lying to me .
    I was very furious and shouted to that person,what i know on that moment my heart was not pounding like crazy,then i know that my heart is telling me
    i am correct

  29. Valeria says:

    Nunca me habia preguntado por qué gritamos cuando estamos enojados. Y me parece una excelente reflexión el decir que lo hacemos porque nuestros corazones están distantes, es cierto, muy cierto y de ahora en adelante voy a hacer lo posible para no gritar.
    Paulo me encantó la reflexión, pero me gustarí­a que tus videos pongas traduccií­n en español, porque no logro comprender todo. Gracias.

  30. …no me convence…yo dirí­a que se grita por la falta de fe en uno mismo y voluntariamente, se necesita rellenar esa carencia con mas potencia…lo del amor, es cierto y hay fe en ambos los dos…

  31. Vlada says:


    30 секунд чтения: почему мы кричим, когда злимся?

    Учитель спросил своих воспитанников:
    «ÐŸÐ¾Ñ‡ÐµÐ¼Ñƒ мы кричим, когда злимся? Почему люди повышают голос друг на друга, когда не в духе?»
    Ученики долго думали, и один из них сказал: «ÐŸÐ¾Ñ‚ому что мы теряем своё спокойствие, поэтому и кричим.»
    «Ð почему мы кричим, когда другой человек близко? Неужели нельзя говорить с ним мягко? Почему кричим, когда злимся?»
    Воспитанники предложили и другие ответы, но ни один не удовлетворил учителя.
    Наконец-то он объяснил:
    «ÐšÐ¾Ð³Ð´Ð° два человека злятся друг на друга, расстояние между их сердцами очень значительное. Для того, чтобы преодолеть эту дистанцию, они должны кричать, чтобы понять друг друга. Чем раздражённей они, тем громче должны кричать, чтобы услышать друг друга через это огромное расстояние.
    Затем учитель спросил:
    «Ð§Ñ‚о происходит, когда два человека влюбляются? Они не кричат друг на друга, а говорят ласково. Почему? Потому что их сердца очень близки. Расстояние между ними очень маленькое…»
    И в заключение он сказал:
    «Ð что происходит, когда они любят друг друга ещё сильнее? Они не говорят, они только шепчут и в своей любви оказываются ещё ближе друг к другу. Ð’ конце концов, им даже не надо говорить шёпотом, они только посмотрят друг на друга и всё. Вот как становятся близки два человека, когда любят друг друга.»

  32. Vlada says:

    Dear Paulo Coelho! I am amazed! Thank You so much for Your creations!

  33. jackienoriega says:

    pienso igual gritar con ira es muy dañino para la relacion de las personal debemos evitarlo y al mismo tiempo estoy llegando a la conclusion que es una absoluta realidad que cuando los corazones estan sintiendo lo mismo no es necesario las palabras creo que debido a eso ocurre tantas relaciones de enamorados que comienzan incluso cuando hablan diferentes idiomas porque basta una mirada una palabra un susurro y la conexií²n es perfecta que lindo que es el lenguaje del amor gracias por ayudarnos a entenderlo mi querido paulo