30 SEC READING: why do we shout in anger?

A master asked his disciples:
‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

the disciples thought for a while, and one of them said
‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’
‘But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you? ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’
The disciples gave him some other answers but none satisfied the master.

Finally he explained:
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the master asked:
‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’

And he concluded:
‘When they love each other even more, what happens?
‘They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.

‘Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

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  1. Yan says:

    Chinese translation:








    I remembered something I read before:

    shouting at a person at a high voice, usually arouses a defensive instinct from this person, because he or she felt being attacked. Even sometimes, you are right, his or her instinct will build up a wall against your words. And often this person either chooses to fight back with words, or is inwardly hurt or frightened, like being whipped. And this kind of conversation does no good to resolve a problem nor to the relationship.

  2. manpreet says:

    I love my wife a lot. But sometimes she intentionally or unintentionally does some things that are really hurting. Then I shout. I really feel bad afterwards, I feel depressed by shouting or getting angry. But I don’t think I don’t love my wife. To this someone would say that I love her less at that moment when she does something hurtful. But no, I love her the same, no matter what. Does anyone have an answer?Why I shout at someone I really love? And yes she loves me a lot too.

  3. Cristina says:

    Tudo que diz respeito ao amor está mais no silencio e nas entrelinhas do que naquilo q se diz ou escreve.
    Palavras nunca sí£o suficientes. Por isso q pessoas apaixonadas ficam ainda mais sensí­veis í  músicae poesia. Para buscar alguam definií§í£o do sentimento, ou para escutar em alguma música o que gostaria que o amado falasse, ou para encontrar palavras q digam o que nunca sabe falar.
    Aiai S2

  4. Reena Gunjan says:

    That is very true and by reading it the truth dawned on me.. The writer is remarkable just as his novels are..
    I will try now not to get angry with the person i love so that the distance does not increase

  5. THELMA says:

    Why do we shout in anger???

    For sure, I cannot tolerate or accept someone ‘shouting at me’ ! ! I am not deaf and I am ..attending! My parents were never shouting to each other or to us children. I remember my loving father used to tell us : Let’s see what you want and feel! And we were – me and my sister – less than five years old.. I do not accept the use of ‘power or language ‘ abuse from anyone and towards anyone. We are all equal. There is a Cypriot quote; If you are ‘angry’ knock your head on the Wall’! This means to be angry it is your own business and a problem caused by EGOISM. For me shouting at someone is completely disgraceful, impolite and LOVELESS! Tell me what you want but say it in a polite, kind way! To ask from human beings to behave in a nice, polite, kind way is the … least we can ask! Nothing gives to anyone the Right to shout to another human being. The use of language is for communication.. Nerves do not give us the right to hurt others especially those we ‘claim’ we love. The ROSE accepts every ‘vibration’ and its … THORNS respond!
    Thelma xxx

  6. Kris says:

    for me shouting when angry means you love someone so much for the person to understand what he/she have done is wrong.. shouting at someone close to you doesn’t mean you love them less it just simply means you love them so much that you get angry and raise your voice at them to stress that what their doing is not right.. and sometimes people who don’t shout simply don’t know how to express what they want to say or they don’t want to offend their love ones so they just keep silent to avoid confrontation…

  7. Priscilla says:

    Que hermosa descripción ! Que maravilloso es el amor, que no hacen falta ni las palabras, y dichoso el que lo haya vivido, hablar sin hablar, se dice tanto con una sola mirada, con una sola caricia, mas que mil palabras!

  8. Dana says:

    Notify request

  9. Dana says:

    1.Not everyone shouts when angry. 2. Those who shout have exhausted adrenals and low/high blood sugar at the moment and therefore are irritable with a minor provocation. To prevent it have a healthy snack every couple of hours so you can face your beloved mischievous children or the other half. Manage your stress respond. I know am so out of sinc with the common mood on this site, I read ‘aleph’ enjoyed it very much, the author said he never paid attention to his diet when they tried to discuss his menue before embarking on the train. The food and the mood are so connected, one has to pay attention.

    1. Well says:

      thanks for the reminder. better out of sinc with the common mood than not in tune with oneself.

  10. benz_luvr says:

    then why do we speak loud wen we r excited!!!

    1. Marketing says:

      We shout so that even people who are not in the immediate vicinity can share our excitement.

  11. Julie Takase says:

    I think we shout because we are guarding ourselves out of fear.

  12. David says:

    Im sure the Italians would disagree and many others some would call it passion or energy. This simplistic notion that anger is louder and love is quiet almost silent. Im tired of the silent pretentious types who think that by not saying they have more depth…give me more shouting even when I am making love…….I know when when my girlfriend is quiet then Im in trouble…..

  13. Well says:

    i think we shout because we are not ready yet for the real work of love which starts exactly there where we cannot think, speak and feel love anymore. but any wholesome growth happens always at the bound – not by overstepping this bound, and not by not going so far. so it is important to get to know our personal bounds of love well – by the signs through bodysensations, feelings and thoughts – and find our personal way (there are many) to gradually widen, expand our capacity. it is like yoga or other body-consciousness-trainings. with readiness, perseverance and with focus it works. great.

  14. Rima Al-Alamy says:

    Speak softly love …. the art of love … my chapeau is raised in the presence of love.

  15. Aditi says:

    waooo …..such a treasure……….
    love break all d laws of sound……………….:)

  16. suhair says:

    wow this is so true, very nice words :)

  17. priscilla chavdor says:

    Nao entendo nada de ingles como faí§o para ler as postagens e comentarios tem q ser portugues

    1. Paulo Coelho says:

      clique na bandeira do Brasil, ao lado >>>

  18. Juvy Junasa says:

    I super love this. Love is really powerful and anger brings war. So lets just show love love love everyday and be happy!!

  19. Empié says:

    Hay estados mentales en los que es fácil discutir por cualquier cosa, en el momento en que alguien tiene una opinión cortraria, saltan las chispas, aunque para que ello suceda debes encontrar a alguien que esté en tu misma frecuencia. Más arriba hay una tierra (simbolicamente hablando), donde estas a salvo de todas esas influencias, nada te alcanza, por lo que no hay nada de lo que defenderse, el tigre no encuentra nada donde clavar sus garras, por lo que no puede herirte; allí­ reina la paz… es la tierra prometida (simbolicamente hablando).

    Un saludo.

  20. mercy says:

    Definitivamente una historia real, pero por desgracia la sociedad nos mal acostumbra tanto a hablar para todo q perdemos ese don de que cuando amamos a alguien no necesitamos palabras, lo digo por experiencia, pues yo amo a mi hija profundamente pero aun no puedo tener esa conexion con ella de esa manera, al menos por mi parte pues ella lo hace perfectamente, ojala no se le quite ese don nunca, pues yo lo perdi muy joven.

  21. Paola says:

    Maravilloso, comprendo entonces los gritos cuando me siento tan frustrada… y el silencio cuando me siento amada y amo… me encantó, gracias!!

  22. Vijayan Raman says:

    it looks fine to me ,the art of living, sir

  23. Daniela says:

    Thank you… I’m in love… Shhhh

  24. Issa Haddad says:

    í  chaque fois je lit quelques chose de Coelho ,ai le meme étonnement devannt une profondeur, une intélégence et surtout une douceuer de parler peu commune. Les mots de Coelho sont pour moi le Mosse au chocolat, je les touche avec beaucoup de soin et je les mange lentement pour aprecier les divins saveurs qui résident en eux.
    regardez cette faí§on de dimesifier et clarifier la couleur..c’est la génie elle míªme.

  25. Liz Michelle Arrocha says:

    amazing !! so true !!!

  26. Monica says:

    Wow, what a great insight and wisdom.

  27. Shine says:

    so true!! love Avantika

  28. Sepideh says:

    It is true, when you love someone so deeply you can feel how they feel . you do not need words because your souls know how to talk, even with your kids when you look them you could find out what is wrong. Someone could foul you by their words but not with their eyes . When we are angry we closed our eyes and start shouting it is look like we close our hearts and start shouting.

    1. Janell says:

      How beautifully put. Thank you for your thoughts.

  29. S.R.Ayyangar says:

    Good explanation. One more point to ponder over- Why do people BANG the door in anger?

  30. sanya says:

    It’s very true though we all know that by shouting we would rather scare the other person or the situation may get worse…as to a simple reason we shout out
    thinking that it might prove to what we are saying but actually its never that way..there’s no point in creating space with the loved ones because they will understand and if they dnt then one needs to understand and changer oneself..what petsonality you have will attract the same kinda people…so if ur smart n intellectual u would get the same kinda…so see yourself how do you react,the others will react in the same way…love is greater expression even in showing that you are angry…
    Thank you Paulo sir..

  31. deepak says:

    Simply and profoundly beautiful explaination of L.O.V.E.
    as wave vibrate out of order the distance between them increases, as waves oscilate together, they become one and propargate creating a much bigger wave.

  32. Radoi Romeo says:

    Very good words, they are like a poem, about love and anger.

  33. martha becht says:

    I really like it…. thankyou so much …have a great day!

  34. sue selmic says:

    I love love love this theory on shouting and on love. I have never heard this before. I think it is sooooo true. Thanks for this post my favorite author !!!!!!

  35. Miyav says:

    In fact, silence is the greatest communication. if we observe we can feel it..,

  36. Ann Kristin says:

    This is very true. When 2 hearts are joined in love one feels what the other feels without the need for words. You can finish each other sentences, they can understand each one just by looking at the other persons expressions they can feel if the loved one is in trouble even if they’re miles away you get that instinct that something may be wrong. This is not about the shouting people! What Paulo emphasizes here is sometimes when you’re love is great there is no need for words to express how you feel. Don’t focus on the anger but on the love depicted. Beautiful story.

  37. sana says:


  38. mohammes saleh haidra says:

    My opinion………Reading, ”Why Do We Shout in Anger” .. Mr. Paulo Coelho’s story is based on ” The master talking to his disciples” therefore it is meant that talking to others in general with respect and love is a fair humanitarian requirement, for kindness and love to replace nastiness and cruelty in human relation, but not necessarily applicable on lovers. As silent and anger between 2 LOVERS is very important to exist exactly as a salt in the food for that love to continues renewable energy. Thank you..!!

  39. Carmelita says:

    These words are just beautiful.
    I have never thought of it this way, and it is worth treasuring.
    I hope you don’t mind if I re-post this note in my fb page notes.
    I’ve added this link there and clearly stated these are your words.
    Thank you for sharing this and cheers!

  40. Jeani says:

    If only the nations would start whispering! This world needs plenty of love, peace and understanding. Differences shouldn’t result in war and deaths. To many lives are being lost. God Bless everyone.

  41. Es verdad en el momento que te enfadas tu corazón se aleja de esa persona y se hace una coraza contra ella, ya no te gusta.
    Si cocinas un pastel con cuidado, esmero y cariño sale muy bien, si lo haces rápido y sin pensar en el resultado probablemente mal.
    La distancia entre las personas es el amor , el respeto, y la falta de empatia

  42. criststar11 says:

    I really don’t know if I’ m doing well… I really hope that. I can’t stand the web anymore %) I need something happening on REALITY… even if I got a incredible sense of perception, I can’ t always live like William Blake ahahahaha… I’m Cris not William. I wrote to him to wish a nice Epifany… did you think I got an answer… %) He still hides himself and I don’ t know WHY… on other hand with his fake profile he expresses himself… so I WANT SOMETHING HAPPENING ON MY REALITY. But I suppose I still have to be patient. Thank you for EVERYTHING PAULO and for your second video… I was finding a piece of gold paper puzzle yesterday on Puerta del SOL. Sending you light… Cris

  43. Ivana says:

    A perfeií§í£o do transcorrer destas palavras transborda o amor que reside em meu coraí§í£o. Há treze anos que apenas vejo!!!!

    Saudaí§íµes a Bahia,Brasil!!!!!!!!

  44. geeta says:

    i dont get this logic coz we love our children than why we shout at them sometimes?

    1. Chris says:

      Because you are angry at them at the moment or you want them to listen to you while they do not. I guess.

    2. archana says:

      No doubt we love them but we shout at them only when we are angry with them for whatever reason ,so at them time hearts distances temporarily .

    3. Mish says:

      Thats the point…. It doesn’t mean you don’t love someone when you shout its just your hearts at that particular moment are distant

    4. Richa says:

      Because we get “angry” at them…

  45. Deborah says:

    I have finally found the answer to why I shout when I’m angry, frustrated, or even sad. The older I get, the more I realize that Love is the only way. With Love everything is always so much better; my mom’s cooking, her hugs and signs of affection for example. Love is capable of making the world so much better, of making us so much better.

  46. Pilar says:

    Acabo de leer que: cuando uno no quiere, dos no se pelean

  47. barbara says:

    I meant to say, this is so beautiful. Sorry I pressed the button too quick, and then I thought geez this is supposed to be a smart phone…

  48. Empié says:

    La verdad es que a veces he gritado a quien he querido, lo siento, la tierra del fuego y de los gritos es así­, pero gracias a Dios solo pasé por allí­, no me quedé a vivir.

    Aquello hace más fuerte el aprecio a la persona que siempre llevaré conmigo, y pese a todo estuvo a mi lado…

    Hasta pronto, hay cosas que no se olvidan, y personas que forman parte de uno.

    Hasta cuando sea, bye…

  49. Chae Shan says:

    But what about those people that do not shout when they get angry, but whose voices go really low and quiet? I always think of their anger as being more dangerous, and their distance from me as being greater even than the people that shout.

  50. Laetitia says:

    Don’t you think that sometimes, you need to create a distance between you and someone who hurts you or someone you love ? Some people manipulate others as they are very clever and know what to say to get what they want. For me it’s a good reason to shout because then you protect yourself. That’s no aim, as it doesn’t solve anything since you don’t trully communicate, but in a crisis case, it can help.
    One can use a soft voice but being angry inside ! There are different ways of making others know that something hurts you or makes you angry ! Shouting is just a way of externalizing your anger !

    1. Antony Wheatley says:

      I totally agree with you, Laetitia, shouting is as the shadow is to the light; a necessary contrast that enabless us to see the object, shape or person that we have before us. All Coelho is saying is that it distances us, not that it is not part of our behaviour. Perhaps it is not the best part of human nature or the most beautiful, but it serves to let others know that we have reached a certain mental state in which we are likely to be less than reasonable and, yes, to let those that would manipulate (and you don’t have to be clever to manipulate) know that you will not tolerate their behaviour.